i don't know how it's tuesday already. almost 2am on a tuesday. my knees still in trouble and i'm really glad i have an appointment to see the orthopedist. it felt like it was getting better, although without much mobility, but now feels like it's getting worse. my sleep was improving until yesterday and then went right back to awful.
with gd in severe back pain and having to catch up on a whole bunch of work we pay our cleaning lady to do, and with my knee out of order, we've barely been taking mr smear out lately. so my mom came over to help us yesterday and today, yesterday for a walk around the company gardens and today for an aquarium mission. i loved seeing her reaction to mr smear demolishing his tofu / avo / edamame rice lunch.
in general mr smear's been pretty cool the last couple of days, we've had a lot of push-back but only one or two incidents where we've needed to put a foot down. i know i'm biased, but i'm really proud of my little boy and in particular how sharp he is ^_^
we watched titan a.e. last night and howl's moving castle this evening, both movies gd wasn't interested in watching and by the end of which she'd bought into, so that was cool.
i spent the larger part of yesterday refactoring my latest personal project (the chat server), frustrated by the fact that i needed to put in so much work when i thought i was ready for the next phase. that is always the price of quick and dirty hacking.
our neighbor's having a rough time, and there doesn't appear to be much we can do to help him. i hope he comes right.
i've just finished recording the latest podcast episode, which i'm pretty happy with, and there're a couple of important bureaucratic things i've been procrastinating about so i have plenty to keep me busy tomorrow outside of work.
i'm exhausted. i suspect i might be coming down with something. my knee hurts. i'm going to bed.
Tuesday, April 23, 2019
Saturday, April 20, 2019
passover easter
happy holidays to all!
this past week was really rough, i had to work from home on monday and spent the first few days really messed up and not as productive as i needed to be. in particular, there've been some medical insurance issues that have been haunting me for the entire week that i simply haven't been capable of facing :(
work: team dynamics got interesting, we had some drama i had to mediate, and one of my teammates is in a hole personally and i'm trying to figure out how i can help him before he burns out entirely... unconscious bias training was kinda interesting, but less than meeting someone in our organization who's tasked with doing the kinds of stuff in education that i'm really excited about and getting to sit down with her for half an hour.
i was supposed to be spending the week training to be on call, but i only finishing delivering my work on thursday afternoon and with yesterday being good friday i ended up with only one or two hours to prepare. no pressure.
knee: monday was super painful, i've barely been able to sleep at night from the pain and discomfort and not being able to sleep on my side. the swelling in my knee seems to have come down and while there're still painful movements it's stable enough for me to put weight on it, but as of this afternoon my ankle's swollen up and we have no idea what that's about.
i actually managed to play catch with him in the garden for a bit this afternoon, though, which was really nice.
i'm icing and rest as much as i can but it's exhausting.
sonnet comics: the good news is that my podcast is finally on spotify and tunein and stitcher, but i only managed to post the latest episode on thursday night and i've now learned the hard way that i really have to prepare a buffer of episodes if i'm going to post on schedule.
passover: after being dragged along to a grocery shopping i was incapable of assisting with, i spent the remainder of yesterday afternoon coaching my cousin's boyfriend for his interview with my company and left myself a hurried few minutes to go through the new haggadot before our friends arrived and we were on our way to the seder. the evening was really nice, my kid made me proud, and it was nice seeing everyone.
mr smear has been giving us some real trouble over the past couple of weeks with behaviour that he's clearly picked up from a friend of his, but we seem to be winning the long game. gd's been in a lot of pain and has had to pick up a lot of slack since i've been out of commission, which really sucks.
our neighbour is in trouble and in desperate need of assistance, if not just an ear to hear. which has been particularly tough to provide with everything else that's been going on, and i'm worried that his fears of chemical lobotomy will materialize because i really don't think he's a danger to anyone.
this past week was really rough, i had to work from home on monday and spent the first few days really messed up and not as productive as i needed to be. in particular, there've been some medical insurance issues that have been haunting me for the entire week that i simply haven't been capable of facing :(
work: team dynamics got interesting, we had some drama i had to mediate, and one of my teammates is in a hole personally and i'm trying to figure out how i can help him before he burns out entirely... unconscious bias training was kinda interesting, but less than meeting someone in our organization who's tasked with doing the kinds of stuff in education that i'm really excited about and getting to sit down with her for half an hour.
i was supposed to be spending the week training to be on call, but i only finishing delivering my work on thursday afternoon and with yesterday being good friday i ended up with only one or two hours to prepare. no pressure.
knee: monday was super painful, i've barely been able to sleep at night from the pain and discomfort and not being able to sleep on my side. the swelling in my knee seems to have come down and while there're still painful movements it's stable enough for me to put weight on it, but as of this afternoon my ankle's swollen up and we have no idea what that's about.
i actually managed to play catch with him in the garden for a bit this afternoon, though, which was really nice.
i'm icing and rest as much as i can but it's exhausting.
sonnet comics: the good news is that my podcast is finally on spotify and tunein and stitcher, but i only managed to post the latest episode on thursday night and i've now learned the hard way that i really have to prepare a buffer of episodes if i'm going to post on schedule.
passover: after being dragged along to a grocery shopping i was incapable of assisting with, i spent the remainder of yesterday afternoon coaching my cousin's boyfriend for his interview with my company and left myself a hurried few minutes to go through the new haggadot before our friends arrived and we were on our way to the seder. the evening was really nice, my kid made me proud, and it was nice seeing everyone.
mr smear has been giving us some real trouble over the past couple of weeks with behaviour that he's clearly picked up from a friend of his, but we seem to be winning the long game. gd's been in a lot of pain and has had to pick up a lot of slack since i've been out of commission, which really sucks.
our neighbour is in trouble and in desperate need of assistance, if not just an ear to hear. which has been particularly tough to provide with everything else that's been going on, and i'm worried that his fears of chemical lobotomy will materialize because i really don't think he's a danger to anyone.
Wednesday, April 17, 2019
tattoo taboos
on monday evening a stranger, an elderly orthodox jew, felt perfectly entitled to lay his hands on my tattooed arm and tell me, in a creepy and unfunny attempt at humour*, that he would like to take a grinder and clear the soiled skin off my arm. he then, in what appeared to be an attempt to rescue the clearly awkward situation, shared a wonderful story of his young female neighbour who has a tramp stamp, saying that when she bends over he can only see half of it and he always asks her to keep going so that he can see it all. shadowslight responded first and correctly, saying that her tattoo probably wasn't intended for him, and i spent the next while thinking of all sorts of things i'd have liked to have said but never would - certainly not in the context in which we found ourselves.
this story has been bugging me since last night, partially because i feel uncomfortable with having had that creepy dude lay his hands and ideas on me, but more because it's far from the first time i've encountered this kind of behaviour and it seems that there are a couple of misconceptions that need clearing up, in particular amongst the orthodox community which constitutes the vast majority of my friends and family.
1. let's talk about the tattoo taboo. if your reason to hate tattoos is because you're jewish, and (good) jews don't get tattoos, perhaps you'd be interested to learn where our tattoo aversion comes from?
a) there is a commandment in leviticus about not cutting or tattooing ourselves, which comes in context of not serving other gods and refers to a very particular marking. so as long as we're not tattooing ourselves in service of moloch, we're good on that count.
b) if your aversion to tattoos stems from the nazis tattooing our people in concentration camps, do you share the same aversion to trains? because the trains were a big part of the holocaust experience too.
the torah tells us - in that same set of commandments that that first commandment comes from - to keep our judgements of our neighbours to ourselves. which leads me to the second misconception:
2. for some reason, family and friends and strangers think it's acceptable "good" jewish behaviour to share their honest opinions about how gross and revolting my tattoos are. not "i don't like tattoos", but "those tattoos are disgusting". so let me make my forthcoming behaviour perfectly clear to as many of you as possible, so that when you mother / brother / cousin comes home telling stories of this terrible person that they encountered, you might have a little context in which to process that information:
if you feel like you have the right to tell me that my tattoos are ugly, or that it's a terrible shame that i'm getting them done, i will feel well within my rights to respond in kind. i will "call it as i see it". the following are sample responses depending on which physical "imperfections" are easily visible to me:
"your makeup is spectacularly awful today, did you look in a mirror on your way out the door?"
"you really need to invest in a new wardrobe, these clothes are not doing you any favours"
"has your doctor said anything about your eating disorder?"
"my goodness, you're looking terribly wrinkly today!"
"yuck! you've got botox injections, haven't you?"
"are those breast implants? ooh, i just can't believe you've done that to your body!"
"what on earth were you thinking when you got your hair cut like that?"
if any of those responses would offend you, i warmly recommend reconsidering how you talk to other people.
* i'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, but maybe he's actually a serial killer. who knows?
this story has been bugging me since last night, partially because i feel uncomfortable with having had that creepy dude lay his hands and ideas on me, but more because it's far from the first time i've encountered this kind of behaviour and it seems that there are a couple of misconceptions that need clearing up, in particular amongst the orthodox community which constitutes the vast majority of my friends and family.
1. let's talk about the tattoo taboo. if your reason to hate tattoos is because you're jewish, and (good) jews don't get tattoos, perhaps you'd be interested to learn where our tattoo aversion comes from?
a) there is a commandment in leviticus about not cutting or tattooing ourselves, which comes in context of not serving other gods and refers to a very particular marking. so as long as we're not tattooing ourselves in service of moloch, we're good on that count.
b) if your aversion to tattoos stems from the nazis tattooing our people in concentration camps, do you share the same aversion to trains? because the trains were a big part of the holocaust experience too.
the torah tells us - in that same set of commandments that that first commandment comes from - to keep our judgements of our neighbours to ourselves. which leads me to the second misconception:
2. for some reason, family and friends and strangers think it's acceptable "good" jewish behaviour to share their honest opinions about how gross and revolting my tattoos are. not "i don't like tattoos", but "those tattoos are disgusting". so let me make my forthcoming behaviour perfectly clear to as many of you as possible, so that when you mother / brother / cousin comes home telling stories of this terrible person that they encountered, you might have a little context in which to process that information:
if you feel like you have the right to tell me that my tattoos are ugly, or that it's a terrible shame that i'm getting them done, i will feel well within my rights to respond in kind. i will "call it as i see it". the following are sample responses depending on which physical "imperfections" are easily visible to me:
"your makeup is spectacularly awful today, did you look in a mirror on your way out the door?"
"you really need to invest in a new wardrobe, these clothes are not doing you any favours"
"has your doctor said anything about your eating disorder?"
"my goodness, you're looking terribly wrinkly today!"
"yuck! you've got botox injections, haven't you?"
"are those breast implants? ooh, i just can't believe you've done that to your body!"
"what on earth were you thinking when you got your hair cut like that?"
if any of those responses would offend you, i warmly recommend reconsidering how you talk to other people.
* i'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, but maybe he's actually a serial killer. who knows?
Monday, April 15, 2019
did i say haze?
sunday was going pretty well, gd and i did some exercises together in the morning, we did have one tantrum but otherwise the park visit was fun and mr smear LOVED exploring a real firetruck. and until he popped a wheel, the ballon motorcycle he got was AMAZING. we showered as soon as we got home, gd made a large, delicious lunch that we enjoyed, and then we took the balance bike and skateboard across the road to tool around.
the worst part of me falling off the skateboard and damaging my knee was that the skateboard was stationary at the time. the second worst part was that mr smear didn't notice, and i was terrified that in the amount of time it took me to get over the initial shock and pain and limp to where i could see him something might have happened :(
our neighbour rocked up and we hung around chatting for a while as i tried to regain some mobility, gd arrived as we started making our way back to the apartments and i left her and mr smear at home while our neighbour drove me to the hospital. it was a long few hours, i came out on crutches and with a brace, and i've been struggling to be productive since. i'm calling it a night, and holy crap it's midnight already :S
i had to apologize to another neighbour for being rude to his guests when they made a lot of noise yesterday, which wasn't easy but i eventually managed to gear down and be sincere about it, and it sucks that SxS was here and we didn't have time to meet but that's life.
gd and i are now having an amusing fight over how much snacking i do, i'm kinda insulted but kinda grateful at the same time...
the worst part of me falling off the skateboard and damaging my knee was that the skateboard was stationary at the time. the second worst part was that mr smear didn't notice, and i was terrified that in the amount of time it took me to get over the initial shock and pain and limp to where i could see him something might have happened :(
our neighbour rocked up and we hung around chatting for a while as i tried to regain some mobility, gd arrived as we started making our way back to the apartments and i left her and mr smear at home while our neighbour drove me to the hospital. it was a long few hours, i came out on crutches and with a brace, and i've been struggling to be productive since. i'm calling it a night, and holy crap it's midnight already :S
i had to apologize to another neighbour for being rude to his guests when they made a lot of noise yesterday, which wasn't easy but i eventually managed to gear down and be sincere about it, and it sucks that SxS was here and we didn't have time to meet but that's life.
gd and i are now having an amusing fight over how much snacking i do, i'm kinda insulted but kinda grateful at the same time...
Sunday, April 14, 2019
saturday haze
nothing like waking up to workers coming in to re-install the geyser, and then discovering that gd had the time wrong for her friend's baby shower so not only did we not get to go to the temple for the kids' morning, but we were trapped indoors with no water. a fair chunk of the morning was spent with mr smear watching the telly and me writing a chat server, with a solid break for the two of us to play samorost 3 together which was AWESOME.
and then, about half an hour before gd got home, i caught mr smear scratching the couch with a sharp tool. i called him out, he began screaming at me (which he's been doing for a little while now), and we ended up in a timeout / tantrum cycle that lasted until a minute or two before gd got home. that was the first tantrum. we then headed to the waterfront because we needed to pick up groceries, and between grabbing coffee (or tea), picking up meds from the pharmacy, grabbing a falafel laffa (mr smear ate the crap out of it), walking past die antwoord's ninja and feeling utterly disappointed since seening this and this, some playground time with mr smear, and then a full-scale meltdown in the grocery store (i had to carry him over my shoulder to the car, strap him in and wait for the screaming to stop).
once he was done, it was "hug-uppies" time so that he could pass out on my shoulder, which hurt my back and set off cranial nerve pressure nausea but was an enormous relief after the two tantrums. and then we got home and i realized that i'd promised to help our neighbour out with something and been distracted, so i had to go out again to pick up more groceries. i was feeling horrible and our neighbour insisted on a five minute chat that probably took ten or fifteen but felt like half an hour.
and then i spent the rest of the evening recovering, with my wife telling me i have to lose weight while i finished coding the chat server and got stuck into dealing with podcast aggregators and migrating my sonnetcomix website again, this time because i've received the sketch for the next page from the illustrator and realized that it violates blogger's content policies - fortunately wordpress is accepting of mature content as long as it's tasteful and is flagged as such.
and then, about half an hour before gd got home, i caught mr smear scratching the couch with a sharp tool. i called him out, he began screaming at me (which he's been doing for a little while now), and we ended up in a timeout / tantrum cycle that lasted until a minute or two before gd got home. that was the first tantrum. we then headed to the waterfront because we needed to pick up groceries, and between grabbing coffee (or tea), picking up meds from the pharmacy, grabbing a falafel laffa (mr smear ate the crap out of it), walking past die antwoord's ninja and feeling utterly disappointed since seening this and this, some playground time with mr smear, and then a full-scale meltdown in the grocery store (i had to carry him over my shoulder to the car, strap him in and wait for the screaming to stop).
once he was done, it was "hug-uppies" time so that he could pass out on my shoulder, which hurt my back and set off cranial nerve pressure nausea but was an enormous relief after the two tantrums. and then we got home and i realized that i'd promised to help our neighbour out with something and been distracted, so i had to go out again to pick up more groceries. i was feeling horrible and our neighbour insisted on a five minute chat that probably took ten or fifteen but felt like half an hour.
and then i spent the rest of the evening recovering, with my wife telling me i have to lose weight while i finished coding the chat server and got stuck into dealing with podcast aggregators and migrating my sonnetcomix website again, this time because i've received the sketch for the next page from the illustrator and realized that it violates blogger's content policies - fortunately wordpress is accepting of mature content as long as it's tasteful and is flagged as such.
Saturday, April 13, 2019
whew!
i seem to have made it through the week!
wednesday:
publishing my latest podcast episode while staying home to take care of mr smear while gd went to see a doctor, arriving at work and being dragged into a corporate values workshop with the VP of our division (which was interesting), get a little work done and then driving off to the cemetary for a cousin's funeral, whose kids arrived fifteen minutes late. it was a long ceremony (although not as long as the orthodox), and i "joked" with my mom afterwards that it seems that the most physical exercise i'm getting lately is carrying coffins and shovelling sand onto graves...
i returned to work for a bit before rushing off to the temple council meeting, eventually getting home really tired.
thursday:
"volunteering", but otherwise just working a full day. except for the part where i picked up my new spectacles, ran into an associate of my nephew's and the CPO of the company i interviewed for alongside my present employer, got back to my computer and tried the spectacles on and... i was PISSED. it hurt my eyes and my brain, i couldn't read a thing... i went back, bitched and moaned and wanting to just give them back, but the receptionist convinced me to give them a try in ten minute intervals and i think it's coming right.
a good finish for the day, coming home and relaxing, starting glass
friday:
starting the day off with high fives, a couple of meetings and an interesting lunch, and being called out of a meeting for a plumbing emergency - the geyser's corroded, because our landlord doesn't maintain her shit, and there's a lot of work to be done. fortunately gd noticed it in time to clear our wardrobe!
un-high-fiving when my dev environment mysteriously broke down, struggling to get it sorted but failing to make any more progress before leaving to pick up mr smear and take him to the temple. a generally good experience, but when we were on our way out he became tantrum-y (he was clearly tired), and getting him to the car was unpleasant. he was out by the time we got home, and friday night dinner was simple and good.
unbreakable was amazing, split was amazing, glass was just incredible.
saturday:
it's 1.30am, i've gotten my podcast site sorted out (i've been having minor issues for days), and i've made some headway on a fun tool i've been talking about building for a few weeks now. *deep breath* here comes the weekend!
wednesday:
publishing my latest podcast episode while staying home to take care of mr smear while gd went to see a doctor, arriving at work and being dragged into a corporate values workshop with the VP of our division (which was interesting), get a little work done and then driving off to the cemetary for a cousin's funeral, whose kids arrived fifteen minutes late. it was a long ceremony (although not as long as the orthodox), and i "joked" with my mom afterwards that it seems that the most physical exercise i'm getting lately is carrying coffins and shovelling sand onto graves...
i returned to work for a bit before rushing off to the temple council meeting, eventually getting home really tired.
thursday:
"volunteering", but otherwise just working a full day. except for the part where i picked up my new spectacles, ran into an associate of my nephew's and the CPO of the company i interviewed for alongside my present employer, got back to my computer and tried the spectacles on and... i was PISSED. it hurt my eyes and my brain, i couldn't read a thing... i went back, bitched and moaned and wanting to just give them back, but the receptionist convinced me to give them a try in ten minute intervals and i think it's coming right.
a good finish for the day, coming home and relaxing, starting glass
friday:
starting the day off with high fives, a couple of meetings and an interesting lunch, and being called out of a meeting for a plumbing emergency - the geyser's corroded, because our landlord doesn't maintain her shit, and there's a lot of work to be done. fortunately gd noticed it in time to clear our wardrobe!
un-high-fiving when my dev environment mysteriously broke down, struggling to get it sorted but failing to make any more progress before leaving to pick up mr smear and take him to the temple. a generally good experience, but when we were on our way out he became tantrum-y (he was clearly tired), and getting him to the car was unpleasant. he was out by the time we got home, and friday night dinner was simple and good.
unbreakable was amazing, split was amazing, glass was just incredible.
saturday:
it's 1.30am, i've gotten my podcast site sorted out (i've been having minor issues for days), and i've made some headway on a fun tool i've been talking about building for a few weeks now. *deep breath* here comes the weekend!
Tuesday, April 09, 2019
journey lines and loops
monday:
mr smear staying home, me walking to work
a long day of coding
my mom and i arriving at the same time, spending ten or fifteen minutes enjoying mr smear's recovery
an enjoyable evening at the temple discussing the passover seder
finishing spider-man into the spider-verse, it's hands-down the greatest spiderman movie and we love the deadpool style.
tuesday:
writing a really exciting podcast episode but completing it too late to record it
dropping a grumpy mr smear off at school
journey lines, hearing my teammates' stories and tearing up by the end of one of them
the surreal moment of the woman serving us lunch guessing my surname
allergy eye-closing, maybe i don't need the glasses after all :/
meeting my manager's manager
driving home a bit spaced-out after a long day
a big dinner
mr smear feverish again
reading gd and mr smear harry potter
a long charitable walk with my neighbour
finally starting to record at 10.30pm
mr smear staying home, me walking to work
a long day of coding
my mom and i arriving at the same time, spending ten or fifteen minutes enjoying mr smear's recovery
an enjoyable evening at the temple discussing the passover seder
finishing spider-man into the spider-verse, it's hands-down the greatest spiderman movie and we love the deadpool style.
tuesday:
writing a really exciting podcast episode but completing it too late to record it
dropping a grumpy mr smear off at school
journey lines, hearing my teammates' stories and tearing up by the end of one of them
the surreal moment of the woman serving us lunch guessing my surname
allergy eye-closing, maybe i don't need the glasses after all :/
meeting my manager's manager
driving home a bit spaced-out after a long day
a big dinner
mr smear feverish again
reading gd and mr smear harry potter
a long charitable walk with my neighbour
finally starting to record at 10.30pm
Monday, April 08, 2019
stretched
i was too tired to sit straight on the couch last night, and i hurt my back. it's been painful and uncomfortable and distracting all day and i'm about to enter a new week in dire need of a rest.
i thought i was done with the podcast shenanigans yesterday, but i had some more to do today. i'm really happy that i eventually did the tough work using xml and xslt, because i ended up needing to port my service from node.js to php and i had very little dev translation to do. i'm extremely pleased with the results!
we thought mr smear was doing much better today, he was doing much better but still isn't out of the woods. i braved taking him outside (and away from a toilet) for the first time since tuesday, and just being able to spend a few minutes pushing him on the swing and eating roasted corn nibs on the bench were fantastic.
the preliminary results from the sample i dropped off yesterday are that he's picked up shigella, so we're treating it with antibiotics. reading up on it, i found "shigella cells may cause dysentery. in rare cases, young children may have seizures" and i was immediately both scared of that happening and relieved and grateful that it hasn't happened. jesus. and then i was distracted by the fact that our medical insurance isn't paying for our prescription meds, which we really can't afford and i'm at a loss as to how to manage that.
we watched asterix & obelix: mission cleopatra, which was great but towards the end not so appropriate for mr smear... i tried to make progress on my latest podcast episode, i'm roughly halfway through and excited about the result so far but i've got to call it a night and continue tomorrow.
shane koyczan's turn on a light was a source of inspiration during my two night-terror experiences and i am compelled to share it in the hopes that somebody finds it useful.
i thought i was done with the podcast shenanigans yesterday, but i had some more to do today. i'm really happy that i eventually did the tough work using xml and xslt, because i ended up needing to port my service from node.js to php and i had very little dev translation to do. i'm extremely pleased with the results!
we thought mr smear was doing much better today, he was doing much better but still isn't out of the woods. i braved taking him outside (and away from a toilet) for the first time since tuesday, and just being able to spend a few minutes pushing him on the swing and eating roasted corn nibs on the bench were fantastic.
the preliminary results from the sample i dropped off yesterday are that he's picked up shigella, so we're treating it with antibiotics. reading up on it, i found "shigella cells may cause dysentery. in rare cases, young children may have seizures" and i was immediately both scared of that happening and relieved and grateful that it hasn't happened. jesus. and then i was distracted by the fact that our medical insurance isn't paying for our prescription meds, which we really can't afford and i'm at a loss as to how to manage that.
we watched asterix & obelix: mission cleopatra, which was great but towards the end not so appropriate for mr smear... i tried to make progress on my latest podcast episode, i'm roughly halfway through and excited about the result so far but i've got to call it a night and continue tomorrow.
shane koyczan's turn on a light was a source of inspiration during my two night-terror experiences and i am compelled to share it in the hopes that somebody finds it useful.
Sunday, April 07, 2019
night terror 2
i don't know how to process what we've just been through, it's either a night terror or a parasite, it's the same story as tuesday night. we tried a bunch of things, eventually i laid him on his back, threw a duvet over him and held it tight like it was a swaddling blanket, and it seemed to do the trick. i'm really scared that this is going to become a thing, he's a smart and brave little boy and i'm scared this might bleed through to when he's awake.
god damn.
...
friday was a long day to finish off a short week, i worked hard but left the office feeling unsatisfied. mr smear wasn't well enough to go the temple, he's still not well enough to go outside so he and gd spent the entire day indoors. it was actually a really nice day, i know because i had to drop off a sample at the hospital (we thought his tummy troubles were going away, but they're pretty constant), and then take my mom (who's also sick) shopping.
the podcast garden story has not progressed - those bastards still haven't responded to me and i don't know when i'll hear from paypal - but i have spent the day figuring out how to operate my podcast myself and i'm pretty satisfied with how it's turned out. i don't know how people who aren't software developers deal with the shitty options available to them, i think i'm going to have to find some time to make my solution public.
gd and i were watching spider-man into the spider-verse when the screaming started, so far we're about halfway through and it's amazing.
god damn.
...
friday was a long day to finish off a short week, i worked hard but left the office feeling unsatisfied. mr smear wasn't well enough to go the temple, he's still not well enough to go outside so he and gd spent the entire day indoors. it was actually a really nice day, i know because i had to drop off a sample at the hospital (we thought his tummy troubles were going away, but they're pretty constant), and then take my mom (who's also sick) shopping.
the podcast garden story has not progressed - those bastards still haven't responded to me and i don't know when i'll hear from paypal - but i have spent the day figuring out how to operate my podcast myself and i'm pretty satisfied with how it's turned out. i don't know how people who aren't software developers deal with the shitty options available to them, i think i'm going to have to find some time to make my solution public.
gd and i were watching spider-man into the spider-verse when the screaming started, so far we're about halfway through and it's amazing.
Saturday, April 06, 2019
thoughts on education
[this post generated by a discussion on reddit]
the point of education has, and always been, about expanding one's horizons and advancing knowledge. over the course of the past century the universities have been corrupted by industrialization and are now businesses churning out qualifications to work, they're desperate to attract as much money as they can get away with and the only things that remain relatively solid are the STEM fields, medicine, the "impractical" humanities (psychology, philosophy, etc), and, arguably, law. it's 2019, and any company that demands a university degree is a part of one of the biggest problems the western world today, please listen to mike rowe on the subect. the economy is changing fast, and there're so many other ways to learn and get paid.
besides, to quote one of my professors, when it comes to work there's only ever been one model that's effective: the master-apprentice model. it's the reason why even those leaving university with engineering degrees still need plenty of on-the-job training before they can be trusted to operate alone.
if you can afford an education, that's great, pick a field of study that's interesting to you and it'll be well worth it. you might even make a career out of it. if you're into medicine or the STEM fields, all the better! but higher education is a luxury, it isn't for everyone, and it's not a job factory. if parents are concerned about quantifiable value for money, then they should save their money and let their kids pay their own way.
and for the love of god, never take a student loan. that's only an intelligent investment for a tiny percentage of graduates.
also, read this article on education and economic mobility
the point of education has, and always been, about expanding one's horizons and advancing knowledge. over the course of the past century the universities have been corrupted by industrialization and are now businesses churning out qualifications to work, they're desperate to attract as much money as they can get away with and the only things that remain relatively solid are the STEM fields, medicine, the "impractical" humanities (psychology, philosophy, etc), and, arguably, law. it's 2019, and any company that demands a university degree is a part of one of the biggest problems the western world today, please listen to mike rowe on the subect. the economy is changing fast, and there're so many other ways to learn and get paid.
besides, to quote one of my professors, when it comes to work there's only ever been one model that's effective: the master-apprentice model. it's the reason why even those leaving university with engineering degrees still need plenty of on-the-job training before they can be trusted to operate alone.
if you can afford an education, that's great, pick a field of study that's interesting to you and it'll be well worth it. you might even make a career out of it. if you're into medicine or the STEM fields, all the better! but higher education is a luxury, it isn't for everyone, and it's not a job factory. if parents are concerned about quantifiable value for money, then they should save their money and let their kids pay their own way.
and for the love of god, never take a student loan. that's only an intelligent investment for a tiny percentage of graduates.
also, read this article on education and economic mobility
Friday, April 05, 2019
the buzz
wednesday:
wednesday was hard, between the exhaustion, whatever this bug is and the sudafed i really struggled and i'm still a bit off with my sinuses and throat (but just now starting to feel better). mr smear got a bit of sleep on what was left of tuesday night but still had an accident or two in the morning, his tummy was still troubling him until the evening but by this morning he had had a good night's rest and was on the mend. aside from my work day being broken up by a doctor's visit, it was filled with grinding, and while gd watched the disturbing motley crue movie after we put mr smear to bed i actually made an hour or two of good progress.
thursday:
i woke up this morning after a good night's sleep myself, still groggy; i was going to get back to my book compilation this morning but there were way to many distractions...
i was still a bit out of it at work but i completed some good work, and by the time i rushed out to take over from the nanny (gd was seeing a surgeon, looks like she might be going for surgery) my teammate and i (well, mostly him) had made great strides and it looks like we're a bit ahead of schedule!
mr smear's tummy's still sensitive but he's definitely much better. the evening was generally nice, and once i'd said goodnight i settled down to some bureaucracy and to try and figure out what to do about my podcast hosting - podcast garden would be an amazing service but their site is unavailable half the time and they have no concept of customer service. i decided that i need to roll my own podcast setup, and while looking at options for hosting i realized that now is as good a time as any to explore s3.
well, it took a bit of fiddling but i'm now sorted for hosting, and it looks like it's going to cost me a couple of cents per month (vs. the $9 for soundcloud and [AAAAAAAARRRRGHH while looking up how much podcast garden costs per month i discovered that those sneaky bastards charged me the annual amount!! now in addition to everything else i have to manage a paypal dispute, i can't freaking believe this] $2.99 - in theory - for podcast garden).
jesus, what a day. i started posting this a while ago and it's now 1am already :(
the other disappointment for the day was learning about die antwoord; i wasn't a big fan, but i respected them as artists and i now see that they're pathetic and have no integrity whatsoever. see here and here for details, the first was pretty convincing and the second just made things really clear.
wednesday was hard, between the exhaustion, whatever this bug is and the sudafed i really struggled and i'm still a bit off with my sinuses and throat (but just now starting to feel better). mr smear got a bit of sleep on what was left of tuesday night but still had an accident or two in the morning, his tummy was still troubling him until the evening but by this morning he had had a good night's rest and was on the mend. aside from my work day being broken up by a doctor's visit, it was filled with grinding, and while gd watched the disturbing motley crue movie after we put mr smear to bed i actually made an hour or two of good progress.
thursday:
i woke up this morning after a good night's sleep myself, still groggy; i was going to get back to my book compilation this morning but there were way to many distractions...
i was still a bit out of it at work but i completed some good work, and by the time i rushed out to take over from the nanny (gd was seeing a surgeon, looks like she might be going for surgery) my teammate and i (well, mostly him) had made great strides and it looks like we're a bit ahead of schedule!
mr smear's tummy's still sensitive but he's definitely much better. the evening was generally nice, and once i'd said goodnight i settled down to some bureaucracy and to try and figure out what to do about my podcast hosting - podcast garden would be an amazing service but their site is unavailable half the time and they have no concept of customer service. i decided that i need to roll my own podcast setup, and while looking at options for hosting i realized that now is as good a time as any to explore s3.
well, it took a bit of fiddling but i'm now sorted for hosting, and it looks like it's going to cost me a couple of cents per month (vs. the $9 for soundcloud and [AAAAAAAARRRRGHH while looking up how much podcast garden costs per month i discovered that those sneaky bastards charged me the annual amount!! now in addition to everything else i have to manage a paypal dispute, i can't freaking believe this] $2.99 - in theory - for podcast garden).
jesus, what a day. i started posting this a while ago and it's now 1am already :(
the other disappointment for the day was learning about die antwoord; i wasn't a big fan, but i respected them as artists and i now see that they're pathetic and have no integrity whatsoever. see here and here for details, the first was pretty convincing and the second just made things really clear.
Wednesday, April 03, 2019
where's the week going?!
omg it's tuesday night already, and i thought last week went by too quickly...
[a few hours later]
omg it's wednesday morning and we've spent a good chunk of our tuesday night in the emergency ward; mr smear was running a fever and hallucinating - he believed he was under attack by an infinite number of spiders and it took an hour or two to calm him down sufficiently to take him home and get him into bed. meanwhile i'm still trying to publishing my podcast episode before i crash myself.
my throat has been giving me serious trouble the last couple of days. work yesterday was full of bureaucracy and a couple of hours of serious coding, yesterday evening was all podcast writing and recording, and today was almost exclusively coding hard and making good progress. but i'm beat.
here's to getting up in five more hours.
[a few hours later]
omg it's wednesday morning and we've spent a good chunk of our tuesday night in the emergency ward; mr smear was running a fever and hallucinating - he believed he was under attack by an infinite number of spiders and it took an hour or two to calm him down sufficiently to take him home and get him into bed. meanwhile i'm still trying to publishing my podcast episode before i crash myself.
my throat has been giving me serious trouble the last couple of days. work yesterday was full of bureaucracy and a couple of hours of serious coding, yesterday evening was all podcast writing and recording, and today was almost exclusively coding hard and making good progress. but i'm beat.
here's to getting up in five more hours.
Monday, April 01, 2019
punishment and reward
our sunday started off in good spirits, in spite of me burning all of it on bureacracy - payments and insurance policies and a bunch of other unexciting tasks. gd made pancakes, though, that was awesome.
we went to the first birthday party and it was awful from start to finish. we've decided - well, gd decided and i agree - that we're not doing sea point / fresnaye parties again, even if we like the parents. because of all the other parents, and it's not just us who were uncomfortable, a friend of ours couldn't handle the community bullshit to the point where she went to go cry in her car. some guy bumped into mr smear and he subsequently fell down a couple of stairs, either he's thoroughly oblivious to the world around him or he just didn't care when my kid started crying. mr smear's old best friend's mother didn't just ignore us, but was clearly discussing gd with her friend.
and as for mr smear's friend whose birthday it was, i don't think they're really interested in each other any more. but while he didn't want to do anything but stick with us until we were ready to leave, the moment we started moving he decided he needed to stay and play; we left, all of us in a foul mood.
it took us over an hour to start letting go of the first party and gear up for the second. the second party? that was great. we had plenty of conversation with interesting people and the kids LOVED playing together, mr smear has learned how to play tag and they were all very courageously using the super-tall slide that mr smear freaked out on the year before, the pretty tricky jungle gym, and the surprisingly high swings. win!
gd needed a break so we walked around the block for burgers when we got home, but royale was closed (wtf?!) and plant had already closed their kitchen, so we ended up getting steers veggies burgers which were pretty good.
the evening was mostly pleasant, although mr smear has been testing us the past week or two by ignoring us and then repeating the most disingenuous "sorry", so bedtime wasn't particularly great.
i've tried to work on a quick voting app this weekend, but i just haven't gotten it together. i've tried to make progress on 7 billion humans, but my head hasn't been in it. my jaw's really sore and swollen, not sure if chewing gum has been harmful or helpful.
i've been working on my podcast for the past few hours, it's been slow but i'm happy with what i've got so far. now it's time to hit the hay and hope that whatever my allergies are doing to my sinuses right now relaxes by morning...
we went to the first birthday party and it was awful from start to finish. we've decided - well, gd decided and i agree - that we're not doing sea point / fresnaye parties again, even if we like the parents. because of all the other parents, and it's not just us who were uncomfortable, a friend of ours couldn't handle the community bullshit to the point where she went to go cry in her car. some guy bumped into mr smear and he subsequently fell down a couple of stairs, either he's thoroughly oblivious to the world around him or he just didn't care when my kid started crying. mr smear's old best friend's mother didn't just ignore us, but was clearly discussing gd with her friend.
and as for mr smear's friend whose birthday it was, i don't think they're really interested in each other any more. but while he didn't want to do anything but stick with us until we were ready to leave, the moment we started moving he decided he needed to stay and play; we left, all of us in a foul mood.
it took us over an hour to start letting go of the first party and gear up for the second. the second party? that was great. we had plenty of conversation with interesting people and the kids LOVED playing together, mr smear has learned how to play tag and they were all very courageously using the super-tall slide that mr smear freaked out on the year before, the pretty tricky jungle gym, and the surprisingly high swings. win!
gd needed a break so we walked around the block for burgers when we got home, but royale was closed (wtf?!) and plant had already closed their kitchen, so we ended up getting steers veggies burgers which were pretty good.
the evening was mostly pleasant, although mr smear has been testing us the past week or two by ignoring us and then repeating the most disingenuous "sorry", so bedtime wasn't particularly great.
i've tried to work on a quick voting app this weekend, but i just haven't gotten it together. i've tried to make progress on 7 billion humans, but my head hasn't been in it. my jaw's really sore and swollen, not sure if chewing gum has been harmful or helpful.
i've been working on my podcast for the past few hours, it's been slow but i'm happy with what i've got so far. now it's time to hit the hay and hope that whatever my allergies are doing to my sinuses right now relaxes by morning...
Saturday, March 30, 2019
roughing it
it's saturday night, i had a bunch of stuff planned, and after taking mr smear on a morning hike (which was really cool), i came home feeling so terrible that the rest of the day was spent feeling miserable on the couch. my jaw has been hurting horribly for the last few days and is swollen to the point where gd's actually worrying, so i guess monday will be time to see the doc again only this time with cause to insist on getting whatever this is checked out.
i don't know where the week went, it felt like it flew by. i actually made coding progress at work for the first time since i started, and i'm now officially tenured with a month's experience. i still feel like i'm the new guy, though. and i feel like my constantly massaging my jaw while trying to keep my eyes open during meetings must have looked a bit weird but nobody's said anything.
tuesday night's dnd session was brilliant.
jesus, two birthday parties tomorrow.
i don't know where the week went, it felt like it flew by. i actually made coding progress at work for the first time since i started, and i'm now officially tenured with a month's experience. i still feel like i'm the new guy, though. and i feel like my constantly massaging my jaw while trying to keep my eyes open during meetings must have looked a bit weird but nobody's said anything.
tuesday night's dnd session was brilliant.
jesus, two birthday parties tomorrow.
Tuesday, March 26, 2019
overload
i'm keeping up, but barely. a rainy, windy day. worrying about mr smear possibly being exposed to dairy at holiday school (as usual). no time for stickers (but being super excited by the pages i intend to print), lots of manual labour, some crazy paired-programming with the other senior on my team, planning to write, tea with my mom and catching my nutty niece seeing me and disappearing, a big dinner, an on/off evening with mr smear which ended with me giving a bedtime lesson on what lies are (he called me a liar but didn't know what it meant), indulging gd with season 5 of hunter x hunter, a little more optimization in 7 billion humans, some progress with my podcast (but still not done), and now in desperate need of some sleep.
Monday, March 25, 2019
graves, brunch, skateboard
gd waking up hurting, managing to come with to my uncle's consecration but not the family brunch. mr smear being very relaxed in the cemetery, gd becoming upset with me for stepping past my father's grave without acknowledgement to show mr smear my great-grandfather's, reminding me that i should be grateful to him for my existence at least. by that token, if so many of us have a bit of genghis khan in our dna* so we should definitely all be grateful to him, too. also, mud skippers.
* there's no good science behind this theory
i took mr smear to our cousins' and we were there for a while, some interesting conversations and mr smear having a grand old time playing with my nephew's surprisingly sturdy pug.
mr smear passing out on the way home and napping for a while, me being mostly distracted and not really focused on my podcast episode, taking him out with his plastic bike and skateboard and re-learning how to skate a bit before assisting him to stand on the board... we had a lot of fun, and my heart rate hasn't been that elevated from physical exercise / fear in ages!
being sent off to the waterfront to pick up meds and some groceries, coming home to a great dinner and spongebob squarepants and then managing the shower / bedtime for a bit. mr smear took a really long time to calm down, though, so maybe we need to interfere with his naps...
i've invested a lot of energy into 7 billion humans, today mostly in optimizations. it's a game that's both useful professional practice AND good for meditation! a couple of episodes of hunter x hunter with gd, some more work on the sonnets (book 10 of ovid's metamorphosis is awesome), and now one last level before a 1am bedtime...
* there's no good science behind this theory
i took mr smear to our cousins' and we were there for a while, some interesting conversations and mr smear having a grand old time playing with my nephew's surprisingly sturdy pug.
mr smear passing out on the way home and napping for a while, me being mostly distracted and not really focused on my podcast episode, taking him out with his plastic bike and skateboard and re-learning how to skate a bit before assisting him to stand on the board... we had a lot of fun, and my heart rate hasn't been that elevated from physical exercise / fear in ages!
being sent off to the waterfront to pick up meds and some groceries, coming home to a great dinner and spongebob squarepants and then managing the shower / bedtime for a bit. mr smear took a really long time to calm down, though, so maybe we need to interfere with his naps...
i've invested a lot of energy into 7 billion humans, today mostly in optimizations. it's a game that's both useful professional practice AND good for meditation! a couple of episodes of hunter x hunter with gd, some more work on the sonnets (book 10 of ovid's metamorphosis is awesome), and now one last level before a 1am bedtime...
Saturday, March 23, 2019
on call on a saturday night
wednesday, thursday, friday:
lots of 7 billion humans. that's one heck of a game, and if you can get through half of it and you're not a software developer - you should be.
wednesday was purim, mr smear really enjoyed dressing up as a pirate! i got off work as soon as i could to take him to the carnival, but by the time we got through traffic it was over and he'd passed out :(
thursday was a public holiday; i discovered the hebrew translation of super wings, and i'm still really excited that mr smear couldn't get enough of it!
my first payday from my new job! after taxes it's a bit less than i was hoping for, but that's fine because at least from now i'm not going to be accumulating more scary debt. now i just have to deal with the existing scary debt.
my senior co-worker and i have been working a lot more closely the past few days, and we've had some intense interactions. nothing bad, at this point, and i have a feeling that it's going to be okay.
today:
gd left for her course, mr smear and i took the morning slowly. we walked to the tattoo parlour so i could make an appointment to meet my artist, then bumped into my artist on the way to pick up a cup of tea - mr smear got stuck into salt and vinegar seeds and i made the staff feel bad for giving him a babycino that would have scalded him - we walked back to pick up his optimus prime and then drove to the gym i've been working out of to downgrade my membership, then returned home to hit the pool. it was a bit cold, but fun, although i might've damaged my ear trying to get water out of it afterwards...
stuffing mr smear with leftover pizza, hummus sandwiches and a delicious vegan apple pie protein cookie, eventually being tagged by gd and heading to the tattoo parlour; i'd missed my window, so picked up some things at the wellness warehouse and delicious vegan ice cream on the way home, chilled for a bit and then returned to the tattoo parlour for an exciting strategy session (i left with a green arm, my artist's got some really cool ideas)
half an eye on pocahontas (meh), dinner and [shame on me, i don't remember], shower and bedtime and then a long mission to port our deezer playlists over to google play music (we've signed up for youtube premium, if their music service is functional we'll switch back), now planning on crashing soon as i'm on call and if there's a midnight issue i'm going to have to head in to the office :(
lots of 7 billion humans. that's one heck of a game, and if you can get through half of it and you're not a software developer - you should be.
wednesday was purim, mr smear really enjoyed dressing up as a pirate! i got off work as soon as i could to take him to the carnival, but by the time we got through traffic it was over and he'd passed out :(
thursday was a public holiday; i discovered the hebrew translation of super wings, and i'm still really excited that mr smear couldn't get enough of it!
my first payday from my new job! after taxes it's a bit less than i was hoping for, but that's fine because at least from now i'm not going to be accumulating more scary debt. now i just have to deal with the existing scary debt.
my senior co-worker and i have been working a lot more closely the past few days, and we've had some intense interactions. nothing bad, at this point, and i have a feeling that it's going to be okay.
today:
gd left for her course, mr smear and i took the morning slowly. we walked to the tattoo parlour so i could make an appointment to meet my artist, then bumped into my artist on the way to pick up a cup of tea - mr smear got stuck into salt and vinegar seeds and i made the staff feel bad for giving him a babycino that would have scalded him - we walked back to pick up his optimus prime and then drove to the gym i've been working out of to downgrade my membership, then returned home to hit the pool. it was a bit cold, but fun, although i might've damaged my ear trying to get water out of it afterwards...
stuffing mr smear with leftover pizza, hummus sandwiches and a delicious vegan apple pie protein cookie, eventually being tagged by gd and heading to the tattoo parlour; i'd missed my window, so picked up some things at the wellness warehouse and delicious vegan ice cream on the way home, chilled for a bit and then returned to the tattoo parlour for an exciting strategy session (i left with a green arm, my artist's got some really cool ideas)
half an eye on pocahontas (meh), dinner and [shame on me, i don't remember], shower and bedtime and then a long mission to port our deezer playlists over to google play music (we've signed up for youtube premium, if their music service is functional we'll switch back), now planning on crashing soon as i'm on call and if there's a midnight issue i'm going to have to head in to the office :(
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
week 3 day 2
walking into work to find a coworker who desperately needed sleep, a long time entering interview feedback, a good lunch from our local canteen, a long video conference with some very higher-ups in the dreaded stuffy meeting room and actually passing out briefly, dropping our friend at home and picking up purim pirate gear for mr smear and then going home to read some of the hobbit graphic novel with him our neighbour paying us a "five minute" visit that stretched until mr smear's bedtime, spending a couple of hours sorting out my mom's computer and migrating her data to her new phone - samsung's direct-to-iphone usb connector and migration functionality is AMAZING.
7 billion humans until much later than intended (it's almost 1.30am)...
7 billion humans until much later than intended (it's almost 1.30am)...
Monday, March 18, 2019
a good monday
the week began well, i was tired but satisfied after recording and publishing black magic woman and i slept pretty well. since i woke up my neck has been generally better than the past couple of days, although that's not saying much. dropping off mr smear at school was smooth, i spent my morning going through educational checkpoints, had a nice lunch with one of my teammates to establish rapport, struggled to get through a meeting that wasn't really aimed at me, enjoyed a great team-building moment after giving "the speech" i'd been thinking about, did some more studying while my dev environment set itself up and then got brought in to shadow an interview for the last hour of the day which was a great experience.
i met gd and mr smear at the pharmacy (i gave her such a freak she yelled, everyone thought it was hysterical), did an enormous grocery shopping, sat with my mom over chai and babycino, came home to unpack and enjoy a decent evening, even if it did include mr smear throwing a tantrum for getting in trouble for intentionally smacking me in the genitals.
hunter x hunter, housekeeping, and going to bed soon.
i met gd and mr smear at the pharmacy (i gave her such a freak she yelled, everyone thought it was hysterical), did an enormous grocery shopping, sat with my mom over chai and babycino, came home to unpack and enjoy a decent evening, even if it did include mr smear throwing a tantrum for getting in trouble for intentionally smacking me in the genitals.
hunter x hunter, housekeeping, and going to bed soon.
Sunday, March 17, 2019
fully week / weak end
damn, today was grueling. but nice!
i finished the script for the podcast episode in the morning, which is a first, and i'm really excited about it and about to start recording. i also got through a lot of emails and tasks that have been piling up over the course of the last week or two.
for the first time with a specific group of friends we all managed to get together and spend the day together, even gd made it and these are people i've been friends with since before we met that she hadn't managed to meet yet.
the kids played beautifully, mr smear's master class in breakdancing for two bigger kids, mr smear blowing our minds by demonstrating basic subtraction skills. gd and i watched an episode and a half of hunter x hunter, and finally decided on a name for our next child if we're fortunate enough to have one.
our next door neighbour seems to be regressing, though, and aside from getting himself beaten up i've just had to go over and ask him, after 10pm, to chill with the household repairs...
halfway week / weak end
i'm really disappointed - i woke up this morning with a band of pain around my chest and breathing was painful. it relaxed for a couple of hours, enough for me to enjoy sitting with someone to ensure that i'm not referring a "special" and give mr smear some outside playtime, but then came back with a vengeance. gd's helped quite a bit, but i'm now convinced that it's a nerve pinching in my neck.
my mom came over to pick something up just before one of our cousins arrived to let us know she's leaving her husband. we all think she's doing the right thing, i'm sorry she's struggling but i'm happy she's doing something that will be good for her in the long run.
i've put a lot of effort into this week's podcast, it's too noisy outside for me to record but i'm quite satisfied with the script.
---
this morning, just before i left with mr smear, a huge cloud of cigarette smoke smothered us in our living room and i walked downstairs with mr smear to introduce the airbnb guests to him and explain that he's asthmatic. they've been uncooperative until now, but the guy seemed genuinely embarrassed and i think they finally got the message.
my mom came over to pick something up just before one of our cousins arrived to let us know she's leaving her husband. we all think she's doing the right thing, i'm sorry she's struggling but i'm happy she's doing something that will be good for her in the long run.
i've put a lot of effort into this week's podcast, it's too noisy outside for me to record but i'm quite satisfied with the script.
---
this morning, just before i left with mr smear, a huge cloud of cigarette smoke smothered us in our living room and i walked downstairs with mr smear to introduce the airbnb guests to him and explain that he's asthmatic. they've been uncooperative until now, but the guy seemed genuinely embarrassed and i think they finally got the message.
Saturday, March 16, 2019
week two
damn, it's hard to keep track, but i guess it doesn't matter.
it was a tough week, i was struck by exhaustion on monday morning and it didn't really go away until yesterday, i've had a couple of rough nights (using some of it constructively), joined my late uncle's family for his memorial service, completed two half-day courses, learned a hell of a lot at work, got in some coding, successfully migrated my podcast to podcast garden (which significantly improved my itunes offering), got positive feedback on mr smear, survived a regression in his superhero identity, a date night listening to cape cultural collective at the daily music show
this afternoon when i left the office i said something so cringe-worthy to a recently-disabled employee that i wanted to send myself to sensitivity training, no matter how good my intentions may have been.
mr smear singing a bit at the temple again for the first time in ages, a lovely dinner with family at my mom's (although gd's back wasn't up for it), mr smear passing out on the way home, spending the evening catching up on doing my own thing purposelessly (and being upset with loud neighbours)
and now it's saturday morning, the week is over, and i'm calling it a night. i think. maybe there's a level of a game left in me.
it was a tough week, i was struck by exhaustion on monday morning and it didn't really go away until yesterday, i've had a couple of rough nights (using some of it constructively), joined my late uncle's family for his memorial service, completed two half-day courses, learned a hell of a lot at work, got in some coding, successfully migrated my podcast to podcast garden (which significantly improved my itunes offering), got positive feedback on mr smear, survived a regression in his superhero identity, a date night listening to cape cultural collective at the daily music show
this afternoon when i left the office i said something so cringe-worthy to a recently-disabled employee that i wanted to send myself to sensitivity training, no matter how good my intentions may have been.
mr smear singing a bit at the temple again for the first time in ages, a lovely dinner with family at my mom's (although gd's back wasn't up for it), mr smear passing out on the way home, spending the evening catching up on doing my own thing purposelessly (and being upset with loud neighbours)
and now it's saturday morning, the week is over, and i'm calling it a night. i think. maybe there's a level of a game left in me.
Monday, March 11, 2019
another late start to a week
damn, and i NEED to sleep. i'm so over soundcloud, i finally managed to complete a podcast recording before midnight on a sunday and in order to avoid spending silly amounts of money when i'm trying to crowdfund i've been forced to explore alternative platforms. fortunately, two appear to be good so i'm waiting for registration responses from acast and podcast garden.
at least lightworks, as complicated as it can be, is pulling its weight and my latest episode is available on youtube.
...
today started off a bit rough, and didn't improve too much. i had an enjoyable encounter at my mom's coffee shop, we checked out the gym by my work and it's cheaper and better than where we've been for the past six months, we had an enjoyable afternoon at our friends while the kids ran around, and came home to a shower, some productive time, some tekken after bedtime, more productivity while gd watched hunter x hunter, a straightforward recording...
... and it's now almost 1am and i have GOT to go to bed.
at least lightworks, as complicated as it can be, is pulling its weight and my latest episode is available on youtube.
...
today started off a bit rough, and didn't improve too much. i had an enjoyable encounter at my mom's coffee shop, we checked out the gym by my work and it's cheaper and better than where we've been for the past six months, we had an enjoyable afternoon at our friends while the kids ran around, and came home to a shower, some productive time, some tekken after bedtime, more productivity while gd watched hunter x hunter, a straightforward recording...
... and it's now almost 1am and i have GOT to go to bed.
Saturday, March 09, 2019
sabbath survival
step 1: literally bash my neighbour's door in with my shoulder and foot. i don't know what mr smear made of it, but he found it very noisy and then tried to help me with the kicking. the old neighbour who came by to help was so busy giving me a run-down of the history the building managers that by the time he finally went off to call someone i'd pretty much gotten the job done.
step 2: mr smear playing at the temple with some bigger kids after refusing to join the group we'd gone for. seeing our first landlord and completely ignoring the prick (i couldn't tell if he wanted to greet me or not, but wasn't interested in finding out). the enormous spread and heavy press of people, giving it a miss and taking mr smear for a smoothie at the waterfront, followed by a visit to the aquarium which inspired the thought of the day: "the story of the human condition: this sucks, but you can f*** right off if you think i'm going to change something."
step 3: mr smear demolishing most of "our" lunch (he ate lots more than his fair share, and was still hungry afterwards), which included tofu, avocado, and edamame. someone sat across from us with his kid and the two of them were eating giant cupcakes. i can only presume that that was their lunch, because he made things really awkward by saying "that looks a lot healthier than what we're eating". i just didn't know what to say.
step 4: coming home for naps and general rest.
step 5: walking to the 24-hour pharmacy together. seeing some crazy people. one of them insisting on holding my hand as all three of us tried to keep as far away as possible without being offensive about it.
step 6: walking up to where the (concert?) was, mr smear loving the music and dancing on my shoulders. the disturbing woman shadowing us and giving me a strange look when i stopped so that she would walk past.
step 7: shower, toy story in french, a long and interesting chat with horseman.
step 8: bedtime, tekken, and trying out black mirror - bandersnatch on the ps3. thoroughly enjoying the experience and stopping halfway so that gd could join me.
step 9: making myself a cup of rooibos tea and trying to be productive, but an hour's gone by and i think i need to go to bed.
step 2: mr smear playing at the temple with some bigger kids after refusing to join the group we'd gone for. seeing our first landlord and completely ignoring the prick (i couldn't tell if he wanted to greet me or not, but wasn't interested in finding out). the enormous spread and heavy press of people, giving it a miss and taking mr smear for a smoothie at the waterfront, followed by a visit to the aquarium which inspired the thought of the day: "the story of the human condition: this sucks, but you can f*** right off if you think i'm going to change something."
step 3: mr smear demolishing most of "our" lunch (he ate lots more than his fair share, and was still hungry afterwards), which included tofu, avocado, and edamame. someone sat across from us with his kid and the two of them were eating giant cupcakes. i can only presume that that was their lunch, because he made things really awkward by saying "that looks a lot healthier than what we're eating". i just didn't know what to say.
step 4: coming home for naps and general rest.
step 5: walking to the 24-hour pharmacy together. seeing some crazy people. one of them insisting on holding my hand as all three of us tried to keep as far away as possible without being offensive about it.
step 6: walking up to where the (concert?) was, mr smear loving the music and dancing on my shoulders. the disturbing woman shadowing us and giving me a strange look when i stopped so that she would walk past.
step 7: shower, toy story in french, a long and interesting chat with horseman.
step 8: bedtime, tekken, and trying out black mirror - bandersnatch on the ps3. thoroughly enjoying the experience and stopping halfway so that gd could join me.
step 9: making myself a cup of rooibos tea and trying to be productive, but an hour's gone by and i think i need to go to bed.
week one
i mean, it is, you see.
whoo hoo! the smoking saga has ended in resolve, we might still be dealing with smoke for the next week or two but the owners have agreed that the next tenants will not be allowed to smoke at all.
yesterday was rough, the day started well but halfway through a teammate briefing me on what he's working on i was suddenly overcome with exhaustion. otherwise, it was a good day and i got things off my plate, and at beer o'clock i sat down with a teammate and strategized about stuff i haven't thought much about since officer's course.
i rushed through to pick up challah, picked up mr smear and drove through to the temple - after all the physical exertion playing with some kids there i'm amazed that he didn't fall asleep on the way home! a really nice dinner with my mom, most of an episode of hunter x hunter before passing out.
it's been a slow morning, our neighbour locked himself into his apartment and i'm now about to get mr smear moving to the temple for a kids' morning.
whoo hoo! the smoking saga has ended in resolve, we might still be dealing with smoke for the next week or two but the owners have agreed that the next tenants will not be allowed to smoke at all.
yesterday was rough, the day started well but halfway through a teammate briefing me on what he's working on i was suddenly overcome with exhaustion. otherwise, it was a good day and i got things off my plate, and at beer o'clock i sat down with a teammate and strategized about stuff i haven't thought much about since officer's course.
i rushed through to pick up challah, picked up mr smear and drove through to the temple - after all the physical exertion playing with some kids there i'm amazed that he didn't fall asleep on the way home! a really nice dinner with my mom, most of an episode of hunter x hunter before passing out.
it's been a slow morning, our neighbour locked himself into his apartment and i'm now about to get mr smear moving to the temple for a kids' morning.
Friday, March 08, 2019
achievements unlocked
the smoking saga:
> Your complaint was discussed last night at the trustees meeting and we have also looked for advice from a specialist sectional title schemes legal issues web site, Paddocks, to which we subscribe. The issue of smoking within one’s own section is a difficult one as a resident may do as they like to a great extent. While we do have a “nuisance” Conduct Rule, the comment from Paddocks is that to be a nuisance, “the actions must first be unreasonable according to standards of the ‘normal man of sound liberal tastes and habits’. The courts will not apply the standards of any perverse or over-scrupulous person”.
As a next step, we suggest that you approach the owner of the flat as you have got nowhere with his tenant. The owner is
> Thank you for investigating.
I'm fairly confident that in 2019 it would not be considered "perverse or over-scrupulous" to not want to be forced to ingest large quantities of cigarette smoke in our own home. This is not a case of us getting "an occasional whiff" but a significant amount of smoke that comes into our apartment; it's actually difficult to breathe and we have a small child, and I don't think it's reasonable to be forced to permanently keep our windows shut.
If I understand correctly, it is illegal to smoke in public places and within ten metres of entrances. Surely, if a court of law can find that behaviour to be problematic, it would not encourage what's going on here.
I'll take it up with the landlord, hopefully we'll be able to come to some kind of resolution. I'm sure there are many kinds of solutions that do not involve them giving up their habits or us our access to clean air.
> Please keep me updated on developments. If there’s no positive progress then there are a couple of further avenues to explore.
How very kind.
day 4: rain, picking up our friend on the way to school, more IT troubles, free breakfast intentions, giving UX advice to an intern, HR bureaucracy, being surprised by my 11am meeting (calendar issues), a good meeting, a long call with sailor over lunch, finally getting my computer sorted out, getting halfway through a 4am (his time) call with a superior before realizing that he's a higher station (i'm amused that i told him "i think we can be friends!" in response to something he said), setting up my workstation, an interesting chat with my team about documentation and then going into a much deeper conversation than intended
leaving later than planned, meeting my mom and gd and mr smear at my mom's coffee shop, grocery shopping and finally returning home around 8pm, a great late dinner and penn and teller - fool us, a quick shower, good bedtime, most of an episode of hunter x hunter, failing to find the beginning of liar liar amusing after gd went to bed, lots of housekeeping, a little 7 billion humans and now it's past 1am...
> Your complaint was discussed last night at the trustees meeting and we have also looked for advice from a specialist sectional title schemes legal issues web site, Paddocks, to which we subscribe. The issue of smoking within one’s own section is a difficult one as a resident may do as they like to a great extent. While we do have a “nuisance” Conduct Rule, the comment from Paddocks is that to be a nuisance, “the actions must first be unreasonable according to standards of the ‘normal man of sound liberal tastes and habits’. The courts will not apply the standards of any perverse or over-scrupulous person”.
As a next step, we suggest that you approach the owner of the flat as you have got nowhere with his tenant. The owner is
> Thank you for investigating.
I'm fairly confident that in 2019 it would not be considered "perverse or over-scrupulous" to not want to be forced to ingest large quantities of cigarette smoke in our own home. This is not a case of us getting "an occasional whiff" but a significant amount of smoke that comes into our apartment; it's actually difficult to breathe and we have a small child, and I don't think it's reasonable to be forced to permanently keep our windows shut.
If I understand correctly, it is illegal to smoke in public places and within ten metres of entrances. Surely, if a court of law can find that behaviour to be problematic, it would not encourage what's going on here.
I'll take it up with the landlord, hopefully we'll be able to come to some kind of resolution. I'm sure there are many kinds of solutions that do not involve them giving up their habits or us our access to clean air.
> Please keep me updated on developments. If there’s no positive progress then there are a couple of further avenues to explore.
How very kind.
---
day 4: rain, picking up our friend on the way to school, more IT troubles, free breakfast intentions, giving UX advice to an intern, HR bureaucracy, being surprised by my 11am meeting (calendar issues), a good meeting, a long call with sailor over lunch, finally getting my computer sorted out, getting halfway through a 4am (his time) call with a superior before realizing that he's a higher station (i'm amused that i told him "i think we can be friends!" in response to something he said), setting up my workstation, an interesting chat with my team about documentation and then going into a much deeper conversation than intended
leaving later than planned, meeting my mom and gd and mr smear at my mom's coffee shop, grocery shopping and finally returning home around 8pm, a great late dinner and penn and teller - fool us, a quick shower, good bedtime, most of an episode of hunter x hunter, failing to find the beginning of liar liar amusing after gd went to bed, lots of housekeeping, a little 7 billion humans and now it's past 1am...
Wednesday, March 06, 2019
money for nothing or everything for free
imovie is AWFUL. it's been causing me endless frustration for months, there's no sane way to submit complaints, but it's free and, aside from rendering, easy to use. after finally giving up this evening, i gave filmora wondershare another chance. it's alright, but after a couple of renders i wasn't so sure that i wanted to pay so much to remove a watermark.
and then i tried lightworks. lightworks is a bit tricky to get the hang of, but not more than wondershare. and it's really free. and it renders SO MUCH FASTER than either of the others. so today's video editing experience kinda sucked, but next week's will be so much better!
now i just need to figure out where to host the audio, soundcloud's fees are highway robbery...
and then i tried lightworks. lightworks is a bit tricky to get the hang of, but not more than wondershare. and it's really free. and it renders SO MUCH FASTER than either of the others. so today's video editing experience kinda sucked, but next week's will be so much better!
now i just need to figure out where to host the audio, soundcloud's fees are highway robbery...
Tuesday, March 05, 2019
day two
starting my day trying to publish my podcast but imovie's unconfigurable automatic rendering making it impossible.
mr smear still coughing too much to go to school, gd needing to go to the chiropractor, me needing to go to work, our friend (and now my coworker) generously sending us the cleaning lady
IT troubles, lots of tedium with interesting sprinkles, a general sense of satisfaction. finally meeting my 10000 step goal for the first time in many months due to a walk to the pharmacy because it looks like gd and i are starting another summer cold (wtf?!)
mr smear still coughing too much to go to school, gd needing to go to the chiropractor, me needing to go to work, our friend (and now my coworker) generously sending us the cleaning lady
IT troubles, lots of tedium with interesting sprinkles, a general sense of satisfaction. finally meeting my 10000 step goal for the first time in many months due to a walk to the pharmacy because it looks like gd and i are starting another summer cold (wtf?!)
day one
mr smear home with a cough, uber in the rain, a long half a day learning about health insurance and pension plans; chatting with the others in the orientation was fun. i really enjoyed meeting my team, and aside from an awkward faux pas about not working on the sabbath i think the day went really well.
walking home was nice, a quiet evening stuffing myself on good food, lego time, a nice shower-and-bedtime, completing the latest podcast episode, watching the season 3 finale of hunter x hunter, recording the podcast episode, and managing to go to bed before 1am!
walking home was nice, a quiet evening stuffing myself on good food, lego time, a nice shower-and-bedtime, completing the latest podcast episode, watching the season 3 finale of hunter x hunter, recording the podcast episode, and managing to go to bed before 1am!
Monday, March 04, 2019
bloody sunday
aside from the day ending with some drama triggered by me unfollowing a relative on instagram because she posts inappropriate pictures that i don't want to see, today was a long and draining one in spite of my best intentions to be productive (and i theoretically had buy-in from gd, which turned out to be worthless). instead of working on my podcast and preparing for my orientation day (which starts in seven hours), we spent forever shopping for a new bed (which stuffed up my mother's plans for the day, and hurt both my and gd's necks), picked up great indian curry for lunch, located our missing boxing equipment, spent a lot more tim "picking up a few things" at the waterfront mall than i could bear, picked up mr smear, then returned home to feel bloated and dizzy (probably nerve-pinching), finally managed to eat the great dinner that gd threw together while finishing hook, showered and got mr smear into bed, watched an episode of hunter x hunter, and sat down to work on the podcast but only got halfway through before realizing that omg it's almost 2am.
and as it is, i barely slept last night due to bad back pain and a late cup of tea :/
and as it is, i barely slept last night due to bad back pain and a late cup of tea :/
Sunday, March 03, 2019
life inertia
during a conversation with our neighbor today, we discussed how to go about changing one's thought and behavior patterns. it occurred to me while we talked that because we are four-dimensional beings, our minds and bodies are like craft traveling through frictionless space with our consciousness at the helm. we traditionally think of ourselves as "stuck" in our patterns, but we're not stationary at all - once we're moving in a direction, we simply develop inertia that needs to be overcome if we decide that we want to change direction.
in order to change our thought patterns and behaviors, we need to do the following:
it is important to understand that seeing the need to change the direction that the ship is facing is not sufficient to change the direction.
it is important to understand that orienting ourselves to the direction we want to move in does not change the direction that the ship is heading.
the inertia of our established patterns will make it difficult for most of us to achieve immediate success, and we will most likely have to continue working hard until we overcome all of the elements in ourselves and our environments that have kept us going astray in the first place.
if we're still on the right heading? then we need to keep pushing.
one of the most useful studies i've come across in recent years explains how willpower is a finite resource. if you're lacking the willpower to make changes in your life, start small. avoid mindless media and interactions, avoid negativity as much as you can, and make time and space to engage with things that inspire you. if you don't know what inspires you? heck, go on to youtube and search for "awesome inspiring amazing". i'm sure you'll find something.
remember: every constructive thought counts. every constructive action counts. every moment is a new opportunity for a fresh start.
in order to change our thought patterns and behaviors, we need to do the following:
1. we need to see that we're heading in the wrong direction.
we need to be aware that we're doing things that are not bringing us towards our goals. we need to determine what our goals are, and break them down into their most fundamental parts.
it is important to understand that seeing the need to change the direction that the ship is facing is not sufficient to change the direction.
2. we need to change the direction we're facing
we need to identify achievable steps towards our goals. if we've defined our goals properly there will be many paths to choose from.
it is important to understand that orienting ourselves to the direction we want to move in does not change the direction that the ship is heading.
3. we need to fire our engines for as long as it takes to change course
we need to take responsibility, hold ourselves accountable, and do the things we've set out to do. we need action plans, to-do lists, and reminders. we need support from friends and family, and if we can't get that then we need to find new friends and family.
the inertia of our established patterns will make it difficult for most of us to achieve immediate success, and we will most likely have to continue working hard until we overcome all of the elements in ourselves and our environments that have kept us going astray in the first place.
4. repeat if necessary
every action we take, whether we succeed or fail, affects us on some level, changes who and where we are. sometimes, or - for some people - often, we outgrow our own goals whether we've reached them or not. this means that we should regularly stop to evaluate our strategies, see what's working and what's not, examine whether the direction we've set our sights on is still desirable, and adjust accordingly.
if we're still on the right heading? then we need to keep pushing.
one of the most useful studies i've come across in recent years explains how willpower is a finite resource. if you're lacking the willpower to make changes in your life, start small. avoid mindless media and interactions, avoid negativity as much as you can, and make time and space to engage with things that inspire you. if you don't know what inspires you? heck, go on to youtube and search for "awesome inspiring amazing". i'm sure you'll find something.
remember: every constructive thought counts. every constructive action counts. every moment is a new opportunity for a fresh start.
one free day
i was tired. i've actually been really, remarkably, frustratingly tired
the entire week. so has gd, so it's possible fallout from being so sick
recently. most of the week was a blur, there's lots of stuff that happened that i didn't write down and while i'm a little disappointed to be missing some good stuff, i'm doing what i can with what i have.
monday 25th:
monday was hard, the first day of proper exhaustion. the start of a formal complaint against our downstairs neighbours who insist on blowing smoke into our apartment. we've been asked not to confront them and most of this week the smoke in our apartment has been nauseating. (i'm struggling right now, switching between closing the windows and trying to air the place out)
tuesday 26th:
another rough day. dnd night was fun, though.
wednesday 27th:
not having received my final payment yet, and stressing over a potential legal battle with a company i have no official details for, i contacted the guy in charge of payroll. in the late afternoon, he finally got back to me claiming there'd been "a mistake with our payroll system". sure, buddy. i re-issued the invoice as soon as i got home, which received zero response. fortunately my mother was able to help me out with my rent and paying the cleaning lady's salary,
thursday 28th:
because by the next morning's withdrawal cut-off time he still hadn't responded. by the evening, freaking out, i sent him yet another email and tried to get hold of him on the company's slack service, and when he didn't respond i finally sent a message to the big boss asking for a hand.
i received two responses from the guy in quick succession: the first rudely reminding me that invoices are only settled on thursdays (really, even when it's your damned fault that i hadn't been paid?) and the second message very sweetly explaining how he hadn't wanted to send it before in case i was sleeping (the #$%@?!?!?!)
anyway, i said farewell to my team in the morning, which went well, i did some housecleaning while waiting for gd to pick up her visa (finally!), we had a good lunch at plant, a surprise run-in with sagirl, a good haircut but unfortunately spending most of the time in the chair trying really hard to remain conscious and failing. i went to the gardens synagogue in the evening to say kaddish for my uncle, which led to a repeat discussion with gd about the inappropriateness of the orthodox separation of men and women during prayer services.
friday 1st:
my "spa" day, the first day of actually exercising at the gym in a month or two. poor cardio, doing a bit of bag work, stretching well, spending 10 to 15 minutes in the jacuzzi, and then fiddling with a java adaptation of my encryption tool
picking up mr smear and staying for a while as he played with a new friend whose mom i went to school with, picking up challah, resting for a bit and being too tired to go to the temple
a really nice friday night dinner with my mom, saying grace after meals for the first time in forever
today:
waking up early, taking gd to her class but she had a panic attack along the way (possibly triggered by an unexpectedly heavy spray of amber perfume which made us both feel sick), coming home for a lazy day, inviting our neighbour for lunch and a good chat
a little bit of willow, most of hook, bedtime, and hunter x hunter (uvogin's battle with kurapika, DEFINITELY not for kids)
monday 25th:
monday was hard, the first day of proper exhaustion. the start of a formal complaint against our downstairs neighbours who insist on blowing smoke into our apartment. we've been asked not to confront them and most of this week the smoke in our apartment has been nauseating. (i'm struggling right now, switching between closing the windows and trying to air the place out)
tuesday 26th:
another rough day. dnd night was fun, though.
wednesday 27th:
not having received my final payment yet, and stressing over a potential legal battle with a company i have no official details for, i contacted the guy in charge of payroll. in the late afternoon, he finally got back to me claiming there'd been "a mistake with our payroll system". sure, buddy. i re-issued the invoice as soon as i got home, which received zero response. fortunately my mother was able to help me out with my rent and paying the cleaning lady's salary,
thursday 28th:
because by the next morning's withdrawal cut-off time he still hadn't responded. by the evening, freaking out, i sent him yet another email and tried to get hold of him on the company's slack service, and when he didn't respond i finally sent a message to the big boss asking for a hand.
i received two responses from the guy in quick succession: the first rudely reminding me that invoices are only settled on thursdays (really, even when it's your damned fault that i hadn't been paid?) and the second message very sweetly explaining how he hadn't wanted to send it before in case i was sleeping (the #$%@?!?!?!)
anyway, i said farewell to my team in the morning, which went well, i did some housecleaning while waiting for gd to pick up her visa (finally!), we had a good lunch at plant, a surprise run-in with sagirl, a good haircut but unfortunately spending most of the time in the chair trying really hard to remain conscious and failing. i went to the gardens synagogue in the evening to say kaddish for my uncle, which led to a repeat discussion with gd about the inappropriateness of the orthodox separation of men and women during prayer services.
friday 1st:
my "spa" day, the first day of actually exercising at the gym in a month or two. poor cardio, doing a bit of bag work, stretching well, spending 10 to 15 minutes in the jacuzzi, and then fiddling with a java adaptation of my encryption tool
picking up mr smear and staying for a while as he played with a new friend whose mom i went to school with, picking up challah, resting for a bit and being too tired to go to the temple
a really nice friday night dinner with my mom, saying grace after meals for the first time in forever
today:
waking up early, taking gd to her class but she had a panic attack along the way (possibly triggered by an unexpectedly heavy spray of amber perfume which made us both feel sick), coming home for a lazy day, inviting our neighbour for lunch and a good chat
a little bit of willow, most of hook, bedtime, and hunter x hunter (uvogin's battle with kurapika, DEFINITELY not for kids)
Monday, February 25, 2019
weekend so well done it burned
friday 22nd:
gd still sick, me still congested so skipping the gym and working from home, mr smear going to school at least. making good progress for a satisfying end to the first week of my notice period, and putting out a sample copy of my book for my patrons for review.
learning about ordering challah from the grocery store.
skipping the temple to take mr smear to visit some cousins, a great chat with him mostly behaved, a long argument with my 3 year old (along the lines of louis ck's "pig newtons" bit) about whether or not he'd left his toy motorbike at the hotel, arriving home to learn that he'd been talking about a different toy motorbike all along.
a sudden and upsetting regression with my back, which had been doing fine for a couple of days.
saturday 23rd:
driving gd to her weekly hypnotherapy class, driving mr smear for a play-date at the super park, getting him to eat a really good lunch, enjoying a frozen coconut yoghurt, stopping at my mom's to drop off a pilates ball, driving back to tokai to pick up gd, returning home for nap time
going out for a friend's birthday drinks, good company, temporary tattoos, too much cigarette smoke and coming home around 10.30pm to find that mr smear had given my mother the run-around and was still wide awake.
sunday 24th:
waking up with neck issues
podcast prep, driving to my mom's to pick up pool noodles, returning home to find a play-date just starting, a really nice afternoon by the pool, more podcast prep, a trip to the waterfront for tea, playground
mr smear with a balloon sword: "i'm going to cut you, mommy!". also, walking around with a serious swagger and a balloon sword sticking out his front pocket.
dinner and groceries, coming home to find our apartment reeking of cigarettes from our downstairs neighbour and putting our landlord on the case, another late night for mr smear, working really hard on the podcast...
monday 25th:
until just before 1.30am, spending half an hour posting this and now, finally, desperately... going to bed.
gd still sick, me still congested so skipping the gym and working from home, mr smear going to school at least. making good progress for a satisfying end to the first week of my notice period, and putting out a sample copy of my book for my patrons for review.
learning about ordering challah from the grocery store.
skipping the temple to take mr smear to visit some cousins, a great chat with him mostly behaved, a long argument with my 3 year old (along the lines of louis ck's "pig newtons" bit) about whether or not he'd left his toy motorbike at the hotel, arriving home to learn that he'd been talking about a different toy motorbike all along.
a sudden and upsetting regression with my back, which had been doing fine for a couple of days.
saturday 23rd:
driving gd to her weekly hypnotherapy class, driving mr smear for a play-date at the super park, getting him to eat a really good lunch, enjoying a frozen coconut yoghurt, stopping at my mom's to drop off a pilates ball, driving back to tokai to pick up gd, returning home for nap time
going out for a friend's birthday drinks, good company, temporary tattoos, too much cigarette smoke and coming home around 10.30pm to find that mr smear had given my mother the run-around and was still wide awake.
sunday 24th:
waking up with neck issues
podcast prep, driving to my mom's to pick up pool noodles, returning home to find a play-date just starting, a really nice afternoon by the pool, more podcast prep, a trip to the waterfront for tea, playground
mr smear with a balloon sword: "i'm going to cut you, mommy!". also, walking around with a serious swagger and a balloon sword sticking out his front pocket.
dinner and groceries, coming home to find our apartment reeking of cigarettes from our downstairs neighbour and putting our landlord on the case, another late night for mr smear, working really hard on the podcast...
monday 25th:
until just before 1.30am, spending half an hour posting this and now, finally, desperately... going to bed.
Thursday, February 21, 2019
what's luck got to do with it?
after this morning's meeting i headed to the gym, determined to spend my workday going over prep material for my new employer. i tried to log in to my old account with them, but there was a problem with the multi-factor authentication... i'd forgotten what kind of second factor i'd set up. so because i expected an email, and didn't receive one, i checked my spam folder...
... and found a whole bunch of documents from my new employer, including a couple that required urgent signatures in order to formally accept their job offer. in other words, if i'd just rocked up for my first day, my offer would have lapsed and i might have run into trouble...
thanks, google. i understand that my new employer's a competitor, but that seems a little mean :P
...
mr smear stayed home again today, gd's still down with the sickness, and my nose did not stop running all the hours i was at the gym, regardless of the fact that i've been taking sudafed and using iliadin, my sinuses were full, throbbing and sore, and the noises i was making as i went through a good chunk of tissues must have been awful to hear. i'm not proud of to admit this.
...
i've just had a chat with our downstairs neighbour, she seems to have agreed not to smoke on her balcony but i have a suspicion that we're going to have a few more incidents, the smoke's been coming straight into our apartment for weeks and driving us crazy :(
...
back to the prep work i did today: i've learned lots of cool stuff, and i'm looking forward to being paid to play with this tech!
... and found a whole bunch of documents from my new employer, including a couple that required urgent signatures in order to formally accept their job offer. in other words, if i'd just rocked up for my first day, my offer would have lapsed and i might have run into trouble...
thanks, google. i understand that my new employer's a competitor, but that seems a little mean :P
...
mr smear stayed home again today, gd's still down with the sickness, and my nose did not stop running all the hours i was at the gym, regardless of the fact that i've been taking sudafed and using iliadin, my sinuses were full, throbbing and sore, and the noises i was making as i went through a good chunk of tissues must have been awful to hear. i'm not proud of to admit this.
...
i've just had a chat with our downstairs neighbour, she seems to have agreed not to smoke on her balcony but i have a suspicion that we're going to have a few more incidents, the smoke's been coming straight into our apartment for weeks and driving us crazy :(
...
back to the prep work i did today: i've learned lots of cool stuff, and i'm looking forward to being paid to play with this tech!
just a day
i worked well at the gym today, then came home to find gd in bed with whatever bug i had last week. i took mr smear out to the company gardens, one of the squirrels was terrifyingly aggressive, i actually called a man who was harassing me "rapey" after saying "no, thank you" and then repeatedly saying "no" because he just couldn't leave off, mr smear playing nicely with the two kids we met the previous day
struggling to figure out where all our money went this past month and stressing a bit about taxes
hunter x hunter, the yorknew arc becoming a bit too much for mr smear but fortunately he passed out before things got out of hand, settling in to finish a task and now, 1am, going to bed.
---
i love /r/askreddit. i have to share my latest answers:
What’s the most embarrassing thing a parent has done to you?
struggling to figure out where all our money went this past month and stressing a bit about taxes
hunter x hunter, the yorknew arc becoming a bit too much for mr smear but fortunately he passed out before things got out of hand, settling in to finish a task and now, 1am, going to bed.
---
i love /r/askreddit. i have to share my latest answers:
What’s the most embarrassing thing a parent has done to you?
1. we
were guests at my parents' friends. a man walked in so old and frail
that he looked like a caricature, and i was transfixed. suddenly my
father, who'd been standing next to me, bellowed "it's okay to laugh,
you'll be that old too some day!". i hadn't been laughing, but once he
said that everyone including the old man thought i had and i just wanted
to die.
2. my
11th birthday was at a skate park, i'd never been able to drop in on a
half pipe and my father, in front of all the kids in my class, shamed me
into trying. i fell flat on my face to peals of laughter and was
totally humiliated, i refused to try again and ran off... he made the
mistake of chasing me, trying to get me to try again and saying "i'm not
going to hit you". where all the kids and parents could hear i screamed
out "you always hit me! every day you hit me! you even hit my mother!"
it
wasn't entirely true, but they couldn't have known that... boy, did i
end up getting a beating, along with a rather sad reputation at school...
Parents of reddit, what's the funniest reason you've been called into school to collect your child?
this
was in the 80's, my parents were called in to the middle school to pick
up my sister, she'd gotten frustrated during a typing lesson and in a
fit of rage lifted the massively heavy typewriter and threw it out the
window.
from the second floor.
above a walkway.
...
she was expelled, not her first nor her last weird story. we still laugh about this, but tbh mostly nervously.
Wednesday, February 20, 2019
hump day already?
my gods, it feels like a week has gone by since my last post. i've been making a point of sleeping on both sides lately, and i'll be damned if it isn't already making a significant difference to my back and neck.
monday:
waking up from and returning to a long apocalyptic dream wherein the dinosaurs escaped (jurassic park style), with small pockets of us surviving around the city on winter pantries. absolutely terrifying.
leaving mr smear with the nanny (sinus infection), taking gd to sea point, podcast editing at bootlegger's, finding a parking right outside the visa place but not having gd's receipt with us, plastic-ware shopping at mambo's, shoe shopping at the waterfront (we looked for shorts for me, too, but couldn't find anything reasonable), picking up a copy of wired magazine for the first time in years, publishing the podcast episode and work a bit, rushing through rush hour traffic to get gd home in time to relieve the nanny.
my mom babysitting so we could have dinner at royale with friends, a really fun evening full of interesting conversation and good food!
tuesday:
once again mr smear staying home due to sinus infection, and once again he wasn't actually sick and it totally messed with our day plans. another failed attempt to get gd's visa decision, this time with the receipt but arriving too late. dropping mr smear off with the nanny and heading to the gym for a few hours of really good work, then returning home in rush hour traffic to take mr smear to the company gardens for a ride with some other kids for a bit. dinner, hunter x hunter (we've gotten to the yorknew city auction, things are becoming intense), shower, bedtime, and getting a massive chunk of work done before sailor pulled me into a conference call.
an hour and a half later, and it looks like we're partners on an exciting and important medical venture!
today:
writing an article on hiring with github until 2am.
we just dropped mr smear off at school, i've written this while waiting for gd to do some grocery shopping, and then i'm going to begin my day for reals.
monday:
waking up from and returning to a long apocalyptic dream wherein the dinosaurs escaped (jurassic park style), with small pockets of us surviving around the city on winter pantries. absolutely terrifying.
leaving mr smear with the nanny (sinus infection), taking gd to sea point, podcast editing at bootlegger's, finding a parking right outside the visa place but not having gd's receipt with us, plastic-ware shopping at mambo's, shoe shopping at the waterfront (we looked for shorts for me, too, but couldn't find anything reasonable), picking up a copy of wired magazine for the first time in years, publishing the podcast episode and work a bit, rushing through rush hour traffic to get gd home in time to relieve the nanny.
my mom babysitting so we could have dinner at royale with friends, a really fun evening full of interesting conversation and good food!
tuesday:
once again mr smear staying home due to sinus infection, and once again he wasn't actually sick and it totally messed with our day plans. another failed attempt to get gd's visa decision, this time with the receipt but arriving too late. dropping mr smear off with the nanny and heading to the gym for a few hours of really good work, then returning home in rush hour traffic to take mr smear to the company gardens for a ride with some other kids for a bit. dinner, hunter x hunter (we've gotten to the yorknew city auction, things are becoming intense), shower, bedtime, and getting a massive chunk of work done before sailor pulled me into a conference call.
an hour and a half later, and it looks like we're partners on an exciting and important medical venture!
today:
writing an article on hiring with github until 2am.
we just dropped mr smear off at school, i've written this while waiting for gd to do some grocery shopping, and then i'm going to begin my day for reals.
Monday, February 18, 2019
don't shoe forget about me
new rules:
1. don't buy cheap shoes
2. don't buy shoes over the internet
3. don't take brand advice when buying shoes, not even from a professional. try on all the damned shoes until you find the right ones.
i've been suffering for months with the shoes i bought, and decided this morning that i couldn't take it any longer. amidst a bunch of other things gd and i needed to do today, we stopped at a shoe store and i tried on a couple of pairs, and walked out wearing a pair that give good support and make me feel like i'm floating. i can't believe i've suffered for so long and wasted so much money, the gods know how much influence this has had on my back problems.
1. don't buy cheap shoes
2. don't buy shoes over the internet
3. don't take brand advice when buying shoes, not even from a professional. try on all the damned shoes until you find the right ones.
i've been suffering for months with the shoes i bought, and decided this morning that i couldn't take it any longer. amidst a bunch of other things gd and i needed to do today, we stopped at a shoe store and i tried on a couple of pairs, and walked out wearing a pair that give good support and make me feel like i'm floating. i can't believe i've suffered for so long and wasted so much money, the gods know how much influence this has had on my back problems.
my body doesn't care if i'm tired
it took a good couple of hours after posting last night to get to bed, although i might've needed less to be physically ready but i got caught up with playing a virus named TOM and 7 billion humans. fortunately, i slept well (and feeling better about sleeping on my "other" side) and was up and functional early enough that we all made it to the cemetery for shadowslight's mother's consecration on time.
mr smear was well-behaved and was entirely unphased by being in a graveyard, there was a weird moment during the service when we were reading psalm 23 and i really focused on what it's saying for the first time... i became inexplicably overwhelmed by gratitude just then.
we went to his father's place to spend a little time with the family, which was really entertaining but unfortunately there wasn't any suitable food for us so we drove down the road to mary-ann's which was really excellent. aside from them have reachable bottles of household cleaner that mr smear managed to spray into his eye before i even realized they were there...
sated and happy, we returned home with a sleeping boy, took good advantage of nap-time, and then went down to the pool together where they swam and i sat on a deck chair in the shade reading deadpool. good times.
i got a bit more podcast preparation done - today's episode turned up some important revelations regarding the fidelity of the accepted modernized text - then walked to la parada for protoplasm's birthday beers. i had one, and some interesting (one inspiring) conversations, and then suddenly it was almost mr smear's bedtime so i walked back home through cape town's dark and dodgy streets, with only one incident of harassment.
a quick shower (it was stinking hot), and then i sat down to produce the podcast episode while gd put mr smear to bed. it's funny, but i keep thinking they're going to be short episodes and then more and more stuff just pours out...
... right, it's now past 2am on a monday morning, i'm feeling really good about how the weekend went and i'm ready to face whatever this week has to throw at me. being in my notice period with my current employer has really relieved an enormous amount of stress and i'm excited about the next step in my career.
mr smear was well-behaved and was entirely unphased by being in a graveyard, there was a weird moment during the service when we were reading psalm 23 and i really focused on what it's saying for the first time... i became inexplicably overwhelmed by gratitude just then.
we went to his father's place to spend a little time with the family, which was really entertaining but unfortunately there wasn't any suitable food for us so we drove down the road to mary-ann's which was really excellent. aside from them have reachable bottles of household cleaner that mr smear managed to spray into his eye before i even realized they were there...
sated and happy, we returned home with a sleeping boy, took good advantage of nap-time, and then went down to the pool together where they swam and i sat on a deck chair in the shade reading deadpool. good times.
i got a bit more podcast preparation done - today's episode turned up some important revelations regarding the fidelity of the accepted modernized text - then walked to la parada for protoplasm's birthday beers. i had one, and some interesting (one inspiring) conversations, and then suddenly it was almost mr smear's bedtime so i walked back home through cape town's dark and dodgy streets, with only one incident of harassment.
a quick shower (it was stinking hot), and then i sat down to produce the podcast episode while gd put mr smear to bed. it's funny, but i keep thinking they're going to be short episodes and then more and more stuff just pours out...
... right, it's now past 2am on a monday morning, i'm feeling really good about how the weekend went and i'm ready to face whatever this week has to throw at me. being in my notice period with my current employer has really relieved an enormous amount of stress and i'm excited about the next step in my career.
Saturday, February 16, 2019
to be productive or not to be
yesterday:
getting some good - no, great! - work done, getting suckered in to taking gd to pick up mr smear, who fell asleep in the car so i sat with him and figured out the new bluetooth gadget (so i can now control the radio from *my* phone when i'm driving) while gd did the grocery shopping, coming home to rest, Do Stuff, then take gd to the temple for the friday night service... which turned out to be a bit of a bummer, because they'd moved the entire kid's corner out of the synagogue for a big event and so the two of us played with crappy toys in the library by ourselves (although i did discover a cool book: yiddish folktales by beatrice weinrich)
---
driving home from the temple, a man in front was driving way too slowly so i took a look at him as i passed and saw that his head was bowed and he was not looking anywhere remotely in the direction of his windshield. "look where you're driving!", i yelled, and his elderly indian head popped up, looked at me, then gave me the traditional what-do-you-want-from-me wobble and shouted that he couldn't understand what i was saying. so i clarified, to which he responded that he knew where he was going, so what should he look for?
people, man. people.
a nice friday night dinner, i tried watching jimmy carr after mr smear went to sleep but after fifteen minutes determined that he's like conan o'brien: great joke writer, but awfully unfunny execution. i then proceeded to watch the netflix documentary inside the mossad, which was great, then entered the now-usual struggle to go to sleep.
receiving a really nice email from my current employer gracefully accepting my resignation!
today:
an acceptably reasonable rest, gd leaving for her course then suddenly remembering that there was a kid's event happening at the temple... a rushed exit, but mr smear and i having a pretty good time overall. he had phenomenal timing for a toilet run, just before we left, passed out in the car and for the next couple of hours gave me space to work on my book. the afternoon was a mix-and-match, including a fair amount of playing with duplo and some real struggling with my neck, back and legs, and after an early shower we settled in to watch labyrinth. we weren't 100% sure it was a good idea at first, but we got through most of the movie by bedtime and he was thoroughly engrossed ^_^
since then, i've watched a very good jen kirkman: just keep livin', and i'm now trying to decide if i'm tired enough to attempt to sleep or if i should be productive for an hour or so.
getting some good - no, great! - work done, getting suckered in to taking gd to pick up mr smear, who fell asleep in the car so i sat with him and figured out the new bluetooth gadget (so i can now control the radio from *my* phone when i'm driving) while gd did the grocery shopping, coming home to rest, Do Stuff, then take gd to the temple for the friday night service... which turned out to be a bit of a bummer, because they'd moved the entire kid's corner out of the synagogue for a big event and so the two of us played with crappy toys in the library by ourselves (although i did discover a cool book: yiddish folktales by beatrice weinrich)
---
driving home from the temple, a man in front was driving way too slowly so i took a look at him as i passed and saw that his head was bowed and he was not looking anywhere remotely in the direction of his windshield. "look where you're driving!", i yelled, and his elderly indian head popped up, looked at me, then gave me the traditional what-do-you-want-from-me wobble and shouted that he couldn't understand what i was saying. so i clarified, to which he responded that he knew where he was going, so what should he look for?
people, man. people.
---
a nice friday night dinner, i tried watching jimmy carr after mr smear went to sleep but after fifteen minutes determined that he's like conan o'brien: great joke writer, but awfully unfunny execution. i then proceeded to watch the netflix documentary inside the mossad, which was great, then entered the now-usual struggle to go to sleep.
receiving a really nice email from my current employer gracefully accepting my resignation!
today:
an acceptably reasonable rest, gd leaving for her course then suddenly remembering that there was a kid's event happening at the temple... a rushed exit, but mr smear and i having a pretty good time overall. he had phenomenal timing for a toilet run, just before we left, passed out in the car and for the next couple of hours gave me space to work on my book. the afternoon was a mix-and-match, including a fair amount of playing with duplo and some real struggling with my neck, back and legs, and after an early shower we settled in to watch labyrinth. we weren't 100% sure it was a good idea at first, but we got through most of the movie by bedtime and he was thoroughly engrossed ^_^
since then, i've watched a very good jen kirkman: just keep livin', and i'm now trying to decide if i'm tired enough to attempt to sleep or if i should be productive for an hour or so.
Friday, February 15, 2019
tough night but better morning
whoa.
TIL that sleeping on one's back is ideal, but for me practically impossible. the next best is sleeping on one's side... but one has to alternate sides or one may develop an asymmetry. which i clearly have. at least now i know.
i tried to go to bed at a reasonable hour, but got sent down a rabbit-hole of facebook stalking when i realized that a friend of mine's once best friend has been dating his ex-girlfriend for years. this wouldn't be dramatic if it wasn't for the fact that their initial fallout was over a girlfriend that had left my friend for his once best friend, married him, and publicly sent him what appeared to be a loving message on facebook days before he started dating the (new?) ex-girlfriend. i'm sure everyone's alright and happy now, but damn, i find that really weird.
after that time-suck, i tried to go to bed, but my back wasn't having any of it. it took about half an hour for me to get up to stretch / destroy bloons until my system gave up resisting a rest, which took about an hour, and the next thing i remember is waking up so i guess it's all okay now. i'm definitely feeling much better, though still a bit weak, and i've just started on my first cup of tea since tuesday morning.
i'm slowly but surely getting into my day, giving notice last night actually took a great weight off my shoulders even if nobody's responded yet.
first thought for the day: it's been almost three years since anybody cared if i wore pants to work.
second thought for the day: i'm done with bloons adventure time. i didn't acquire all the items, and i'm not paying $12 to unlock the special characters, let alone $30 for three. but $6 on an adventure pack was a fair donation in my book, it's a brilliant tower defense game that's given me meditative space (okay, and stolen a little sleep) for more than three months!
TIL that sleeping on one's back is ideal, but for me practically impossible. the next best is sleeping on one's side... but one has to alternate sides or one may develop an asymmetry. which i clearly have. at least now i know.
i tried to go to bed at a reasonable hour, but got sent down a rabbit-hole of facebook stalking when i realized that a friend of mine's once best friend has been dating his ex-girlfriend for years. this wouldn't be dramatic if it wasn't for the fact that their initial fallout was over a girlfriend that had left my friend for his once best friend, married him, and publicly sent him what appeared to be a loving message on facebook days before he started dating the (new?) ex-girlfriend. i'm sure everyone's alright and happy now, but damn, i find that really weird.
after that time-suck, i tried to go to bed, but my back wasn't having any of it. it took about half an hour for me to get up to stretch / destroy bloons until my system gave up resisting a rest, which took about an hour, and the next thing i remember is waking up so i guess it's all okay now. i'm definitely feeling much better, though still a bit weak, and i've just started on my first cup of tea since tuesday morning.
i'm slowly but surely getting into my day, giving notice last night actually took a great weight off my shoulders even if nobody's responded yet.
first thought for the day: it's been almost three years since anybody cared if i wore pants to work.
second thought for the day: i'm done with bloons adventure time. i didn't acquire all the items, and i'm not paying $12 to unlock the special characters, let alone $30 for three. but $6 on an adventure pack was a fair donation in my book, it's a brilliant tower defense game that's given me meditative space (okay, and stolen a little sleep) for more than three months!
Thursday, February 14, 2019
subject: untitled
alternative subjects: "surprise!", "onwards and upwards", and "so long, and thanks for all the fish"
and a few minutes ago i just submitted my resignation to the company i've been working for for the past six months. six months without a contract, little to no team interaction, anxiety at every payday, and zero improvement on my sleep schedule. now i have two weeks to make sure i leave everything tidier than when i arrived, and hopefully get my sleep cycles relatively straightened out.
...
on the health front, it was definitely a good idea to uber to the doctor this morning and not drive. i was feeling faint and woozy the entire trip, while my stomache had begun to come right during the night the rest of the horribleness came back, and while the doctor agrees with my assessment that it's a bug i'm fairly certain that it's cranial nerve pinching again and it's always impossible to tell.
funny, though, how ideas can be stronger than our physical bodies. the pharmacist made a comment about dairy allergies (she's dairy allergic) and was shocked and intrigued to learn that it has such an enormous impact on breast and prostate cancers, never mind the calcium-leeching that causes osteoporosis... that pumped me up to "almost well", at least until i got back home again.
day 3 of being sick: i remembered that i have physical books to read, and pulled down volume one of the deadpool collection. AWESOME.
my sickness / wellness has been on/off the entire day, and i had to take gd and mr smear grocery shopping which really took whatever i had left out of me. aside from dinner and showering mr smear, and putting together my resignation letter with my mom, i've basically just been trying to rest as much as possible. not sure how much good it's doing my neck, though...
... one thing i'm super-pleased with - the encryption tool i put together on the weekend? 86 downloads in three days. the idea that others are getting utility out of this is really exciting! oh, and on a vaguely related note, vector seems to be finding his feet and just put out this music video which i thought was very cool.
and a few minutes ago i just submitted my resignation to the company i've been working for for the past six months. six months without a contract, little to no team interaction, anxiety at every payday, and zero improvement on my sleep schedule. now i have two weeks to make sure i leave everything tidier than when i arrived, and hopefully get my sleep cycles relatively straightened out.
...
on the health front, it was definitely a good idea to uber to the doctor this morning and not drive. i was feeling faint and woozy the entire trip, while my stomache had begun to come right during the night the rest of the horribleness came back, and while the doctor agrees with my assessment that it's a bug i'm fairly certain that it's cranial nerve pinching again and it's always impossible to tell.
funny, though, how ideas can be stronger than our physical bodies. the pharmacist made a comment about dairy allergies (she's dairy allergic) and was shocked and intrigued to learn that it has such an enormous impact on breast and prostate cancers, never mind the calcium-leeching that causes osteoporosis... that pumped me up to "almost well", at least until i got back home again.
day 3 of being sick: i remembered that i have physical books to read, and pulled down volume one of the deadpool collection. AWESOME.
my sickness / wellness has been on/off the entire day, and i had to take gd and mr smear grocery shopping which really took whatever i had left out of me. aside from dinner and showering mr smear, and putting together my resignation letter with my mom, i've basically just been trying to rest as much as possible. not sure how much good it's doing my neck, though...
... one thing i'm super-pleased with - the encryption tool i put together on the weekend? 86 downloads in three days. the idea that others are getting utility out of this is really exciting! oh, and on a vaguely related note, vector seems to be finding his feet and just put out this music video which i thought was very cool.
antizionists vs the jews
"Criticizing the state of Israel is not hostility to or prejudice against Jews, therefore not Anti-Semitic BY DEFINITION. But yall really keep trying it."
that very much depends on whether you're listening to both sides of the story, and very much on who's telling it. i lived in israel for twelve years, a couple of those with palestinians, and i've learned that even on the ground relatively few people know what's actually going on and it's a phenomenally complex and nuanced situation. if all the criticism is flowing in only one direction, well, then the bias is telling. nobody yelling "free palestine" is actually doing the palestinians any favours, all that does is inspire more fighting and prevent more talking.
"there's so much to unpack here. Prevent more talking? Like the "inciting" laws that prevent free speech for Palestinians? Inspire more fighting? Like illegal settlements in the West Bank? If you're not speaking actively and outwardly against those things, whose bias. Is showing?
We say Free Palestine because Palestinians aren't free. In their own land. To self determine. I know what apartheid looks like. I know what oppression looks like. And speaking out against those policies doesn't equate to anti-semitism. Unless of course you're intertwining oppression and Judaism, which would be wild."
you say you know what apartheid looks like, as a south african born under apartheid let me tell you that comparing the situation there to apartheid is unbelievably insulting to the africans that suffered under actual apartheid.
the only time that comparison becomes at all fathomable is by denying that the state of israel has the right to exist. and following that line, you would have to be denying that the jews made multiple attempts to peaceably divide the country from 1928 through to the independence war. we won that war, and those "palestinians" who remained became "israeli arabs" and have civil rights just like any other israeli. those who fled, or were chased out (the stories aren't always so clear), were not accepted as refugees by their countries of origin (egypt and jordan, primarily), and have been deliberately forced to maintain their refugee status by the arab nations because it has suited them to exploit these people as a weapon against israel. UNRWA was invented to maintain the palestinians' refugee status, not to help them get on with their lives (which is pretty messed up if you think about it).
so back to the point, if you're calling israel an "apartheid state" then you're including the palestinian territories (gaza and the west bank) as a part of israel, which they're not. they're under PA and hamas control, not israeli control, which means that israelis would be the dumbest people on the planet to let them pass through israeli borders unchecked. and i've heard stories from troops on the border that would make you cry for both sides.
let's be very clear that i do not in any way, shape or form think that situation is okay. let's be very clear, i personally believe that the palestinians are the most ****ed over people on the planet. the only thing is, what's doing them over isn't the israelis - though the gods know israel is not helping their situation nor the israelis' by reacting to every terrorist instigation rather than trying to find out-of-the-box solutions for such a complex situation - israel is well within its moral rights to defend its citizens, and the palestinians are not israeli citizens.
myself, and what i estimate to be the vast majority of israelis, do not want settlements, we want peace, we want dialog, we want solutions. many, if not most palestinians want peace with israel and to get on with their lives. but we're all at the mercy of a number of factors.
1. the palestinians aren't just at the mercy of their leadership, which in turn is at the mercy of rich, terrible entities that fund them and don't give a damn about anything other than the destruction of the jews, they're at the mercy of decades of training to be weapons of hate against israel. we've heard countless stories - and i've met some refugees personally - of people who've been taught to hate israel and the jews from birth and who enter the country and discover that it's all lies. there are plenty of palestinians who know what's going on, but they also know that if they dare to open their mouths the palestinian "leadership" will drag them through the streets, execute them, and make their families suffer.
2. the israelis generally want peace, but as proud as they are of their democracy it's been corrupt as **** since the 90's and their leadership are pretty clueless. except for netanyahu, who's a very shrew POS who's conned a magnificent political game, and with his (what i believe should be illegal) tactical coalition governments has managed to give power to the hard-right minority who are causing almost as much damage to the israeli populace as they are to palestinian relations - those are the settlers and their supporters.
3. after decades of terrorism, israelis have become convinced that palestinians "love death" and cannot be negotiated with. they cannot empathize with the palestinians, and you probably wouldn't want to either if you lived in perpetual fear of them. but imagine if you had the choice of a really shitty life, or of ending it quickly with a violent act and securing for family for a little while. what would you choose?
neither the palestinians nor the israelis trust each other, and although there are some wonderful initiatives happening at a grassroots level there're certainly not enough. it doesn't help that both sides culturally are very proud, and very stubborn. we could work to increase these initiatives, but the media and court of public opinion prefers to put all blame squarely on the israelis shoulders which makes these positive sorts of things harder to pull off.
---
on a personal level, i've been speaking out against the settlements for decades now, very few people i know are misguided enough to support them. the settlements make me angry, dude, and i've been hit with tear gas for protesting them. regarding "incitement", don't be confused by BS. palestinians and israeli-arabs can and do say whatever they damned well please, as long as its against israel. the real punishment comes when they speak out against their own organizations, you look that up and tell me you're cool with what those people are subjected to.
btw, i've also served in the army, and i can guarantee you that military indoctrination is to be as ethical as possible and to avoid both physical and psychological harm to anyone who is not a clear aggressor. while that leads to an distasteful conversation that we can have about units who do not adhere to army doctrine, i can vouch from the inside that by and large israel and israelis have no malicious intent towards the palestinians and just want this crap to be over. you would not believe the lengths to which hamas has to go to increase casualties whenever some kind of action is being taken, it's literally mind-boggling.
personally, i believe that israel would serve the palestinians and themselves best if they *would* give the palestinians the right of return, the palestinians would definitely be a lot better off. but because israel is a "proud democracy" we would immediately lose our jewish homeland due to numbers. so we'd have to ditch modern democracy and figure out some other system, which would be such a controversial move that i can't imagine that ever happening. any other constructive solutions always welcome.
---
so all that said, you're totally right to criticize settlements. but if you're not criticizing the arab nations (via hamas and the PA) for their part, that sounds like a pretty serious bias to me. everyone seems to care so much about the actions of a tiny jewish state, which is serving as a wonderful distraction from the humanitarian disaster that surrounds it. if people really cared about the palestinians, they'd care about solving the problems and not carrying on down the same, well-worn paths we've been fighting on for most of a century.
and if you're only criticizing israel, well, then, one has to be fair and look at what that tiny nation represents. because it's the jewish homeland, and when push comes to shove we really don't have anywhere else to go. if you're not part of the solution...
that very much depends on whether you're listening to both sides of the story, and very much on who's telling it. i lived in israel for twelve years, a couple of those with palestinians, and i've learned that even on the ground relatively few people know what's actually going on and it's a phenomenally complex and nuanced situation. if all the criticism is flowing in only one direction, well, then the bias is telling. nobody yelling "free palestine" is actually doing the palestinians any favours, all that does is inspire more fighting and prevent more talking.
"there's so much to unpack here. Prevent more talking? Like the "inciting" laws that prevent free speech for Palestinians? Inspire more fighting? Like illegal settlements in the West Bank? If you're not speaking actively and outwardly against those things, whose bias. Is showing?
We say Free Palestine because Palestinians aren't free. In their own land. To self determine. I know what apartheid looks like. I know what oppression looks like. And speaking out against those policies doesn't equate to anti-semitism. Unless of course you're intertwining oppression and Judaism, which would be wild."
you say you know what apartheid looks like, as a south african born under apartheid let me tell you that comparing the situation there to apartheid is unbelievably insulting to the africans that suffered under actual apartheid.
the only time that comparison becomes at all fathomable is by denying that the state of israel has the right to exist. and following that line, you would have to be denying that the jews made multiple attempts to peaceably divide the country from 1928 through to the independence war. we won that war, and those "palestinians" who remained became "israeli arabs" and have civil rights just like any other israeli. those who fled, or were chased out (the stories aren't always so clear), were not accepted as refugees by their countries of origin (egypt and jordan, primarily), and have been deliberately forced to maintain their refugee status by the arab nations because it has suited them to exploit these people as a weapon against israel. UNRWA was invented to maintain the palestinians' refugee status, not to help them get on with their lives (which is pretty messed up if you think about it).
so back to the point, if you're calling israel an "apartheid state" then you're including the palestinian territories (gaza and the west bank) as a part of israel, which they're not. they're under PA and hamas control, not israeli control, which means that israelis would be the dumbest people on the planet to let them pass through israeli borders unchecked. and i've heard stories from troops on the border that would make you cry for both sides.
let's be very clear that i do not in any way, shape or form think that situation is okay. let's be very clear, i personally believe that the palestinians are the most ****ed over people on the planet. the only thing is, what's doing them over isn't the israelis - though the gods know israel is not helping their situation nor the israelis' by reacting to every terrorist instigation rather than trying to find out-of-the-box solutions for such a complex situation - israel is well within its moral rights to defend its citizens, and the palestinians are not israeli citizens.
myself, and what i estimate to be the vast majority of israelis, do not want settlements, we want peace, we want dialog, we want solutions. many, if not most palestinians want peace with israel and to get on with their lives. but we're all at the mercy of a number of factors.
1. the palestinians aren't just at the mercy of their leadership, which in turn is at the mercy of rich, terrible entities that fund them and don't give a damn about anything other than the destruction of the jews, they're at the mercy of decades of training to be weapons of hate against israel. we've heard countless stories - and i've met some refugees personally - of people who've been taught to hate israel and the jews from birth and who enter the country and discover that it's all lies. there are plenty of palestinians who know what's going on, but they also know that if they dare to open their mouths the palestinian "leadership" will drag them through the streets, execute them, and make their families suffer.
2. the israelis generally want peace, but as proud as they are of their democracy it's been corrupt as **** since the 90's and their leadership are pretty clueless. except for netanyahu, who's a very shrew POS who's conned a magnificent political game, and with his (what i believe should be illegal) tactical coalition governments has managed to give power to the hard-right minority who are causing almost as much damage to the israeli populace as they are to palestinian relations - those are the settlers and their supporters.
3. after decades of terrorism, israelis have become convinced that palestinians "love death" and cannot be negotiated with. they cannot empathize with the palestinians, and you probably wouldn't want to either if you lived in perpetual fear of them. but imagine if you had the choice of a really shitty life, or of ending it quickly with a violent act and securing for family for a little while. what would you choose?
neither the palestinians nor the israelis trust each other, and although there are some wonderful initiatives happening at a grassroots level there're certainly not enough. it doesn't help that both sides culturally are very proud, and very stubborn. we could work to increase these initiatives, but the media and court of public opinion prefers to put all blame squarely on the israelis shoulders which makes these positive sorts of things harder to pull off.
---
on a personal level, i've been speaking out against the settlements for decades now, very few people i know are misguided enough to support them. the settlements make me angry, dude, and i've been hit with tear gas for protesting them. regarding "incitement", don't be confused by BS. palestinians and israeli-arabs can and do say whatever they damned well please, as long as its against israel. the real punishment comes when they speak out against their own organizations, you look that up and tell me you're cool with what those people are subjected to.
btw, i've also served in the army, and i can guarantee you that military indoctrination is to be as ethical as possible and to avoid both physical and psychological harm to anyone who is not a clear aggressor. while that leads to an distasteful conversation that we can have about units who do not adhere to army doctrine, i can vouch from the inside that by and large israel and israelis have no malicious intent towards the palestinians and just want this crap to be over. you would not believe the lengths to which hamas has to go to increase casualties whenever some kind of action is being taken, it's literally mind-boggling.
personally, i believe that israel would serve the palestinians and themselves best if they *would* give the palestinians the right of return, the palestinians would definitely be a lot better off. but because israel is a "proud democracy" we would immediately lose our jewish homeland due to numbers. so we'd have to ditch modern democracy and figure out some other system, which would be such a controversial move that i can't imagine that ever happening. any other constructive solutions always welcome.
---
so all that said, you're totally right to criticize settlements. but if you're not criticizing the arab nations (via hamas and the PA) for their part, that sounds like a pretty serious bias to me. everyone seems to care so much about the actions of a tiny jewish state, which is serving as a wonderful distraction from the humanitarian disaster that surrounds it. if people really cared about the palestinians, they'd care about solving the problems and not carrying on down the same, well-worn paths we've been fighting on for most of a century.
and if you're only criticizing israel, well, then, one has to be fair and look at what that tiny nation represents. because it's the jewish homeland, and when push comes to shove we really don't have anywhere else to go. if you're not part of the solution...
Wednesday, February 13, 2019
this must be what pain feels like
well, i did get a relatively peaceful night's rest after my last post. at least that.
*WARNING: GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION AHEAD*
i woke up yesterday morning peeing from my butt, and it hasn't stopped yet. i didn't feel too bad at first, but i got pushed into dropping gd off at the gym and by the time i got home i was *sick*. as in, i literally thought i might die on the bowl. i spent the day and night either in bed feeling sorry for myself or on the toilet fighting to maintain consciousness.
i woke up this morning feeling better, but the diarrhoea hasn't let up. i've at least managed to eat a bit, but i'm still sore and uncomfortable and have had to be in bed or on the can for most of the day.
fortunately when gd left me alone with mr smear for a couple of hours i was able to engage with him a bit, and his enthusiasm for the books i brought out was really gratifying and him playing with his spiderman figurines is always a treat.
i love how he knows all the names (except dr octopus, who he just calls "bad guy"), calls spiderman 2099 by his full title every time and has decided that venom's a good guy because he once said he was sorry.
when gd returned we watched a couple more episodes of hunter x hunter before bedtime.
Monday, February 11, 2019
stimpak
yesterday:
leaving town was hectic, mr smear was not impressed that his mommy and daddy weren't taking him with. the retreat was nice, surprisingly constructive and productive, we met a few cool people, and the food was amazing. there was one woman who gave a talk about urban farming that was 60% on point and 40% such utter rubbish that i couldn't keep my face from raging and i'm extremely proud of myself for managing to keep my mouth shut (aside from a few choice comments to gd).
arriving late, leaving late, spending a miserably windy afternoon indoors and finishing up the project i began on the saturday evening: i'm really proud of it, and when i checked in this morning 37 people had already downloaded it so i'm hoping it's making the world a slightly safer place.
once i'd published that, i settled down to eat dinner and watch hunter x hunter with my family before shower and bedtime. a short break to destroy bloons (yep, i'm still playing the adventure time tower defense game), i threw myself into the latest podcast, and along the way it occurred to me that i should bundle my notes together for my backers...
today:
no sleep until 6am, miserably restless and sore
i've gotten through today by the grace of sudafed, green tea and chocolate.
the gym's generator was down during this morning's surprise load-shedding, and i took the time to explore putting my notes together. i don't think macs are that much better than PCs, but *damn*, pages kicks word's ass ANY day. it's inspired me to convert my notes into an actual book, and i'm one chapter in and it's looking sexy. it's not as awesome as a graphic novel, in my opinion, but it's still a solid step and at least within the shakespeare communities probably a lot likelier to sell.
and all proceeds will, of course, go towards the comics :)
i managed to get some bureaucracy handled, but i didn't get much actual work done before load-shedding struck again at 4pm. it felt like a sign that i should leave; on the one hand, it rendered parking free, on the other, everybody else felt the same and it took at least half an hour to get home. i spent about forty-five minutes eating and working, then headed off to the temple for our monthly study session.
after another interesting session with lots to think about i came home to catch the tail end of moana, shower mr smear, read to him, chat with my mom before she flies for two days, work a little, break to post this, and hopefully go to bed reasonably soon.
and sleep. i'm praying that my body will let me sleep, dammit. i need this.
leaving town was hectic, mr smear was not impressed that his mommy and daddy weren't taking him with. the retreat was nice, surprisingly constructive and productive, we met a few cool people, and the food was amazing. there was one woman who gave a talk about urban farming that was 60% on point and 40% such utter rubbish that i couldn't keep my face from raging and i'm extremely proud of myself for managing to keep my mouth shut (aside from a few choice comments to gd).
arriving late, leaving late, spending a miserably windy afternoon indoors and finishing up the project i began on the saturday evening: i'm really proud of it, and when i checked in this morning 37 people had already downloaded it so i'm hoping it's making the world a slightly safer place.
once i'd published that, i settled down to eat dinner and watch hunter x hunter with my family before shower and bedtime. a short break to destroy bloons (yep, i'm still playing the adventure time tower defense game), i threw myself into the latest podcast, and along the way it occurred to me that i should bundle my notes together for my backers...
today:
no sleep until 6am, miserably restless and sore
i've gotten through today by the grace of sudafed, green tea and chocolate.
the gym's generator was down during this morning's surprise load-shedding, and i took the time to explore putting my notes together. i don't think macs are that much better than PCs, but *damn*, pages kicks word's ass ANY day. it's inspired me to convert my notes into an actual book, and i'm one chapter in and it's looking sexy. it's not as awesome as a graphic novel, in my opinion, but it's still a solid step and at least within the shakespeare communities probably a lot likelier to sell.
and all proceeds will, of course, go towards the comics :)
i managed to get some bureaucracy handled, but i didn't get much actual work done before load-shedding struck again at 4pm. it felt like a sign that i should leave; on the one hand, it rendered parking free, on the other, everybody else felt the same and it took at least half an hour to get home. i spent about forty-five minutes eating and working, then headed off to the temple for our monthly study session.
after another interesting session with lots to think about i came home to catch the tail end of moana, shower mr smear, read to him, chat with my mom before she flies for two days, work a little, break to post this, and hopefully go to bed reasonably soon.
and sleep. i'm praying that my body will let me sleep, dammit. i need this.
Sunday, February 10, 2019
sleep theory
i can't win. i tried to sleep after posting, but my brain said "no". between the discomfort from my back and visions of the code i'd been working on, i couldn't rest and eventually got up around 4am and worked on the code for a couple of hours, eventually going to bed feeling very satisfied with myself and managing to navigate some weird dreams until gd dragged me out of bed a few minutes ago.
wired
friday:
one hour of work, a mission to get the nanny to the bus station, a fight with our landlord and getting the locksmiths to correct their report to her (they'd gotten us confused with a different client), a little more work before our friend arrived, a mostly pleasant experience at the temple with the two noisy boys, a curry club dinner with some discipline issues, taking them home then returning to shower and crash
yesterday :
up early, gd's first hypnotherapy lesson, mr smear hearing a pink floyd song for the first time in about six months and excitedly repeating "shine on you crazy diamond", turning that into the song of the day
a fun aquarium visit with another classmate, getting him to eat a good lunch, visiting my mom and learning that the reason her new computer "doesn't work well" is because she keeps shutting it down instead of just closing the lid
mr smear falling asleep on the way back, taking advantage and napping myself, enjoying hunter x hunter as a family and a little playfighting before shower and bedtime (parenting win, he wants to be like gon freeks)
the rest of the first episode of mr robot, trying to figure out how to safely ensure that my family has access to my digital life in case something happens to me and getting pulled in to an encryption project i should have started ages ago
today:
and now it's 1am and we have to be up early for a "retreat"
Friday, February 08, 2019
pest control pests
yesterday didn't get much more productive, but i only got to bed around midnight (partially due to knocking minor items off my to-do list and updating my windows machine)
it's 2pm and i'm just beginning to work now, after a good night's rest we all had breakfast and got ready to leave before 10am as we were expecting the pest control guys to arrive, only they hadn't been told that that was the plan so they got to us over two hours late which thoroughly messed up our plans for the day. we picked up the nanny, drove through utterly insane traffic to the waterfront, and i'm finally settled in the gym but have to be out of here in about an hour...
FFS.
it's 2pm and i'm just beginning to work now, after a good night's rest we all had breakfast and got ready to leave before 10am as we were expecting the pest control guys to arrive, only they hadn't been told that that was the plan so they got to us over two hours late which thoroughly messed up our plans for the day. we picked up the nanny, drove through utterly insane traffic to the waterfront, and i'm finally settled in the gym but have to be out of here in about an hour...
FFS.
Thursday, February 07, 2019
buggy birthday
waking up with gd freaking out over another infestation (probably mites), ruining her birthday from the get-go. keeping mr smear home on a really hot day (to not share whatever this is), and the pest control team not willing to come into town because of the SONA preparations (which really didn't affect anything until after they would have left).
almost falling asleep during the morning meeting, taking the family to my mom's to pick up our boxing gear (which we couldn't find), then to the waterfront to buy gd's birthday present: optimus prime for mr smear (she got an early birthday present or two, and she really wanted him to have one)
a struggle to find me sandals, eventually succeeding, then heading back to town to have lunch at plant. stopping by the pharmacy. the day had become super-heated, so i shared a coconut water with mr smear and almost forget to pay for it, then managed to forget the ready bag (with an expensive epipen and asthma pump / spacer amongst other things), only realizing that'd happened once we got home. rushing back to sit with the security guards and go over twenty minutes of footage to figure out where i'd left it, being enormously relieved to find it but also sweaty and very tired.
showing off the healing tattoos to the artist on the way home, it's really beginning to look good!
a serious nap, then an unproductive slo-mo afternoon that felt like moving through hot soup.
almost falling asleep during the morning meeting, taking the family to my mom's to pick up our boxing gear (which we couldn't find), then to the waterfront to buy gd's birthday present: optimus prime for mr smear (she got an early birthday present or two, and she really wanted him to have one)
a struggle to find me sandals, eventually succeeding, then heading back to town to have lunch at plant. stopping by the pharmacy. the day had become super-heated, so i shared a coconut water with mr smear and almost forget to pay for it, then managed to forget the ready bag (with an expensive epipen and asthma pump / spacer amongst other things), only realizing that'd happened once we got home. rushing back to sit with the security guards and go over twenty minutes of footage to figure out where i'd left it, being enormously relieved to find it but also sweaty and very tired.
showing off the healing tattoos to the artist on the way home, it's really beginning to look good!
a serious nap, then an unproductive slo-mo afternoon that felt like moving through hot soup.
2 minutes to midnight
... is the perfect time to push code and call it a day.
yesterday:
i barely got any work done, between shared-workspace distractions, the physio appointment, a long nap, grocery shopping, and game night... game night was great. i've been with the group for a few months now, i think it's the longest rpg run i've ever had and our party and DM have a really cool dynamic :)
today:
i slept better last night, i'm praying tonight will be alright as well. i didn't actually leave the house today, gd and the nanny handled mr smear and i spent most of it actually being productive.
BIG news: company 1 was having trouble with my background check because of my status with my current employer - i work for them, i invoice them, they pay me, but we don't have any formal contract or documentation and i have to take care of all my own administration. i gave up all the documentation they asked for, but they told me they needed more, and i started to get worried because i really want to switch jobs and i'd been planning on giving my current employer two weeks' notice next friday. the moment when they finally accepted my documentation was such a deep relief i felt like my whole universe shook. i'm ready, world, lemme get in there already!
i'm getting sick of the DA cold-calls, so i've started "putting them on hold" by saying "please hold" and whistling at them until they give up. the first lady lasted a minute, the gentleman who called afterwards had two minutes of patience for me in spite of me smiling at one point and just blowing air.
flybys and cannons for SONA rehearsal? gd was freaking out, understandably.
someone on reddit asked a question about shakespeare's sonnets i could answer, i had to restrain myself from spamming ALL THE COMMENTS.
gd's getting into hunter x hunter. and she's addicted to angry birds. i'm entertained :D
the sonnet 4 tattoo is beginning to clear up, i'm looking forward to seeing it properly. i'm actually not stressed about any of them any more, if something's not right we'll fix it, and the chances are that if it's not perfect it'll still be awesome.
yesterday:
i barely got any work done, between shared-workspace distractions, the physio appointment, a long nap, grocery shopping, and game night... game night was great. i've been with the group for a few months now, i think it's the longest rpg run i've ever had and our party and DM have a really cool dynamic :)
today:
i slept better last night, i'm praying tonight will be alright as well. i didn't actually leave the house today, gd and the nanny handled mr smear and i spent most of it actually being productive.
BIG news: company 1 was having trouble with my background check because of my status with my current employer - i work for them, i invoice them, they pay me, but we don't have any formal contract or documentation and i have to take care of all my own administration. i gave up all the documentation they asked for, but they told me they needed more, and i started to get worried because i really want to switch jobs and i'd been planning on giving my current employer two weeks' notice next friday. the moment when they finally accepted my documentation was such a deep relief i felt like my whole universe shook. i'm ready, world, lemme get in there already!
i'm getting sick of the DA cold-calls, so i've started "putting them on hold" by saying "please hold" and whistling at them until they give up. the first lady lasted a minute, the gentleman who called afterwards had two minutes of patience for me in spite of me smiling at one point and just blowing air.
flybys and cannons for SONA rehearsal? gd was freaking out, understandably.
someone on reddit asked a question about shakespeare's sonnets i could answer, i had to restrain myself from spamming ALL THE COMMENTS.
gd's getting into hunter x hunter. and she's addicted to angry birds. i'm entertained :D
the sonnet 4 tattoo is beginning to clear up, i'm looking forward to seeing it properly. i'm actually not stressed about any of them any more, if something's not right we'll fix it, and the chances are that if it's not perfect it'll still be awesome.
Monday, February 04, 2019
much wow.
arguing with someone on reddit and being called misinformed because i stated that the quality of the calories you intake is more important than the quantity when it comes to weight loss :/
...
i haven't posted in a few days, as i just posted before my energy levels are stable but close to zero. work-wise, if i was demoralized before i found a new and exciting job it was nothing compared to how little i'm invested now...
tattoo sonnet four is beginning to flake, the other two are healing nicely except for the text on sonnet 3 being very faint.
...
thursday: [missing]
friday: dropping gd and mr smear off at the museum before a meeting with the big boss (first time i've spoken to him), night tantrum exhaustion (mr smear was super tired before we arrived at the temple)
saturday: a trek up the mountain with mr smear, a fresh tattoo, and only half a cup of tea. BIG mistake. spending the rest of the day recovering. seeing aquaman while stressing about leaving my mom and mr smear without a front door key. he's bulletproof? how'd he get those tattoos, then? how does his mother get to the surface in the middle of a battle wearing high heels? why is mera's makeup so trashy? otherwise, it was awesome.
sunday: gd taking mr smear with our friends to the aquarium while i rested and analyzed sonnet 14.
today: exhausted, mr smear waking me up by reading a story to me (it was amazing until he started hitting me with the book), a really rough start to the day because mr smear's friend is REALLY unhappy with his miserable teacher and the principal and the kid's father are both being dicks about it. the kid's three, FFS.
a fun chat with my workplace bromance and him sticking ibuprofen patches on my back - i didn't realize the damage from a couple of weeks ago is actually visible and i've scheduled a physio appointment for tomorrow. taking gd with to the post office to pick up an incredible customized book for mr smear that we'd forgotten about, picking him up, having lunch at plant, napping, then coming here to my mom's coffee shop to work.
...
i haven't posted in a few days, as i just posted before my energy levels are stable but close to zero. work-wise, if i was demoralized before i found a new and exciting job it was nothing compared to how little i'm invested now...
tattoo sonnet four is beginning to flake, the other two are healing nicely except for the text on sonnet 3 being very faint.
...
thursday: [missing]
friday: dropping gd and mr smear off at the museum before a meeting with the big boss (first time i've spoken to him), night tantrum exhaustion (mr smear was super tired before we arrived at the temple)
saturday: a trek up the mountain with mr smear, a fresh tattoo, and only half a cup of tea. BIG mistake. spending the rest of the day recovering. seeing aquaman while stressing about leaving my mom and mr smear without a front door key. he's bulletproof? how'd he get those tattoos, then? how does his mother get to the surface in the middle of a battle wearing high heels? why is mera's makeup so trashy? otherwise, it was awesome.
sunday: gd taking mr smear with our friends to the aquarium while i rested and analyzed sonnet 14.
today: exhausted, mr smear waking me up by reading a story to me (it was amazing until he started hitting me with the book), a really rough start to the day because mr smear's friend is REALLY unhappy with his miserable teacher and the principal and the kid's father are both being dicks about it. the kid's three, FFS.
a fun chat with my workplace bromance and him sticking ibuprofen patches on my back - i didn't realize the damage from a couple of weeks ago is actually visible and i've scheduled a physio appointment for tomorrow. taking gd with to the post office to pick up an incredible customized book for mr smear that we'd forgotten about, picking him up, having lunch at plant, napping, then coming here to my mom's coffee shop to work.
coffee, tea and me
there are plenty of healthy attributes to coffee, but the most important one to me has always been "keeps me awake". recently i realized that it wasn't actually doing that as much as i remember, and i decided to pull back... and replace coffee with green tea, which is not only healthy but also an easy way for me to hydrate. because, they say, hydration is important.
i've been mostly off coffee for a couple of weeks now. i haven't had the usual caffeine withdrawal headaches (because i'm still consuming caffeine), but i noticed an almost immediate relief of anxiety that i didn't even know i had. amazing!
so those are all very nice, but i have to admit that while my energy levels are a lot more consistent now, they're generally a lot lower than they were before. like, i'm spending most of my days in dire need of a nap.
i love my coffee, but for the first time in my life regret my relationship with it.
i've been mostly off coffee for a couple of weeks now. i haven't had the usual caffeine withdrawal headaches (because i'm still consuming caffeine), but i noticed an almost immediate relief of anxiety that i didn't even know i had. amazing!
so those are all very nice, but i have to admit that while my energy levels are a lot more consistent now, they're generally a lot lower than they were before. like, i'm spending most of my days in dire need of a nap.
i love my coffee, but for the first time in my life regret my relationship with it.
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