meditation marathon

thoughts for the day: everyone in the media is getting paid to keep everyone on edge, including themselves. i don't need to think about war with iran until it's actually happening. nobody does. STFU.

also, the global economy is full of shit, everything's being run by people who have as much understanding of how things work as small children. there aren't many adults around.

if i'm right, what's coming is AI weaning us off management bloat and enabling people to find and operate in tiny niches. kind of like pre-industrial societies.

...

 today began with disappointment, but it was less disappointing than if it had come tomorrow: mr smear woke up and decided that he didn't want to go to the trance party, he'd rather just stay home and read all weekend ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i've been reading richard currier's unbound: how eight technologies made us human and brought our world to the brink, and while it's taken me forever to get into it, it's fascinating stuff.

mr smear had been waiting for the bus for a while before we realized that it was the tel aviv marathon today...

gd and i had a quiet morning, napping, mostly, and then we headed out to return the frying pan and find a solution for the ugly cables that were just installed. but, the marathon. so we walked around trying to get on a bus, then got on the bus which literally went in a circle and took us back one stop, and then we split up because i realized i'd have to walk all the way to the center and back.

returning the frying pan would have been less emotional had the woman not decided to try 'splain to me how the non-stick pan wasn't non-sticking properly because i was obviously cooking wrong 😠

at least i found cable hole covers. i'll try them sometime, i guess.

i finally found a decent-looking replacement frying pan on sale at a different store, i hope it's good. then i picked up garbage bags, and then i began my trek home.

picking up a coffee along the way, and syncing with sailor for a bit.

i had issues getting mr smear home today, again, and i realized (after we had a fight about it) that he and his friends are using whatsapp as social media. so there goes whatsapp - i've blocked it and he's down to actual phone calls and sms'es now.

at least he didn't lose more privileges this week - i mean, his screen time privileges have been pushed back another week now, but we were both excited about him getting his reading privileges back this evening.

i never in my life thought i would ever write a sentence like the above, but here we are. you gotta do what you gotta do.

i spent most of the afternoon upgrading my encryption package and updating my website, and then had a long chat with urchin, and now i've showered, and taken the garbage out, and shabbat has started, and gd's cooking a delicious dinner, and for a moment the world is just fine.

beats

 it was a big day, it had ups and downs. big ups, with a sprinkle of frustrating downs.

it started with me waking up with a sore shoulder, and it's ending with me either being eaten by a mosquito or just imagining it.

we left reasonably on time, with only a minor mr smear hiccup along the way. the drive there was longer than i'd anticipated, but we arrived relatively early in the day. it wasn't quite what we expected - the party took place in an amusement park - but for a family-friendly trance event it was a pretty good space.

immediately, mr smear decided he was struggling with sensory overload and wanted to go home. we tried to calm him down, and make him understand that we weren't leaving anytime soon, with varying degrees of success.

for round one, we hit the main floor while he sat outside drawing, but soon the wind came up and he went upstairs to lie on a bench and watch the floor from above.

in retrospect, i feel really dumb for not having brought him earplugs or ear protectors. i'm guessing roughly half the other parents remembered and/or cared :P

between rounds, we ate the packed lunch in the car and then played foosball before returning to the main floor. something bothered him (i found out later it was people eating at the table he was next to) and he went and sat outside (reading on his phone, i let it go for today), and gd and i continued having a really good time dancing, enjoying a beer or three (i only had one :P), and being both amused by all the families on the floor and proud of all of us for doing precisely what our people fight and die to be able to do: live.

on the way out, mr smear actually joined us for a final dance on the second stage (a dj with a didgeridoo, mr smear wisely thought it prudent to step away from the bass bin because he was feeling the beats in his chest), and the long ride back was (long, but) very pleasant. coming into the apartment, gd made a comment about how we need to do that more often and my heart lifted ^_^

the rest of the evening was good, with mr smear and i playing some there is no game together. eventually, he went to bed. everything seemed fine.

by the third time he called for gd, i went to go and see what was going on. i was surprised to find him in tears, and i pushed him to tell me why he was crying... to which he responded that they were joyful tears, because gd had sung him a lullaby and he'd felt truly at peace for the first time in years 😭

i've spent a little time working on the language project, but it's late and it's been a big day and i think i should probably go to bed soon.

calm

i'm tired, i'm posting this and drinking my "good night" tea (chamomile and lavender) and then hopefully i'll be ready to get a full night's sleep.

thursday:

it was a relatively calm work day. one of my coworkers was particularly condescending to me and another guy, and i'm quite proud of how calmly i handled it.

lipgirl organized an insanely rich, delicious vegan cake for the happy hour and i ended up bringing most of it home. i've eaten too much cake over the course of the last three days.

i was inspired by some of mr smear's homework questions to try teaching him math from first principles. he was so excited by how much easier it is to understand what's going on!

yesterday:

yesterday was the first day in a long while that i've had bandwidth for stuff other than my day job. i installed the windsurf IDE - which i'm so far quite pleased with (it feels more comfortable than cursor, but i haven't got lots of experience with the important stuff yet) - and recalibrated myself with some of my side projects.

some of the morning was just spent doing nothing.

after mr smear came home from school, i took him to meet gd and urchin at the sarona market for lunch. overall it was great, although it would have been better had mexicana not screwed up my order and given me chicken when i'd asked for vegan. yecch.

by the time we left, our buses weren't running anymore and it was searing hot at the bus stop. fortunately, while we were waiting for a taxi to accept our fare, an unexpected bus arrived that worked for us and we got home without further stress.

the rest of the afternoon was pretty relaxed. i looked up an alternative synagogue - we don't like the politics of the one we've been going to - but the only one that's close by and checks all the boxes doesn't hold friday night services which i find really confusing.

gd experimented with yuba for dinner, which came out really nicely.

today:

i started the day by initializing a language learning project, and then by reading more of a canticle for leibowitz when out spare mouse turned out to be broken and mr smear demanded (begged) to use our main computer.

and then i rotated my rollerblade wheels (which i've been meaning to do for ages) and mr smear and i rode to the beach.

it was a glorious beach day. the rides there and back were good (minus a minor incident where i tried to give him a boost and accidentally pushed him over), we found a spot in the shade for our gear, and we spent plenty of time having fun in the water.

i did get slightly sunburned, but not painfully.

the afternoon was spent reading and napping, and in the evening (after doing a whole bunch of dishes) i walked to our friends to deliver the barmitzvah present two weeks late, and we were all very awkward about it.

it was a very pleasant evening.

i've just bought tickets to a family-friendly trance party next weekend in honor of shavuot. we're praying that gd can come with (she's got a nerve block procedure on tuesday), but even if it's just me and mr smear i think it's going to be awesome ^_^

,,,

tomorrow is towel day! which in my book is synonymous with DNA testing day.

שֶׁהֶחֱיָנוּ וְקִיְּמָנוּ וְהִגִּיעָנוּ לַזְּמַן הַזֶּה

full moon valentine

friday:

finding electric universe on grooveshark had me bouncing around my living room while doing french lessons, which must have been a treat for any neighbour who happened to look in the direction of my apartment. i did the valentine's day shopping i had to, picking up a single red rose as well and hoping that it wouldn't be damaged by the cold that was really hurting my fingers.

boxing:

one of the girls who'd told me i need to bring chocolate was ecstatic that i had, the other didn't show up. i almost gave her bar to another one, but then that girl turned out to be entirely undeserving. i was upset by the whole incident for quite a while after class :(

as for the class itself, my arms were still strained from the night before and the guy i was partnered with made me work really, really hard. i wasn't ungrateful, mind, but it was really tough! i'm rather pleased with my slipping, though.

i quickly showered and headed to resonance in the hope of finding a table for two. i arrived before pulse did to find that they had a band playing. there were three wind instruments and they were so bad and so loud it was unbelievable! valentine's dinner torture? i don't think so. i mean, these guys were aggressively bad, intentionally discordant, and they'd only just begun... fortunately i made this discovery in time (and i mean, we're talking seconds here) to get outside and hop on the bus pulse was arriving on. we tried all the indian restaurants near jean talon and parc but they were all closed or closing, and took a chance on p.m..

perfect! we enjoyed a wonderful dinner, it was delicious and i may have overeaten a little. on a different note, we were both quite conscious of the full moon :)

[whiskey sleepover]

---saturday:

i woke up in the morning happily unrested and in a fog of stupid. an hour's nap before going snowboarding didn't really help much, either, but spending the hours on the buses there and back slipping in and out of consciousness made enough of a difference.

the p.m. leftovers sorted me out three times during the day, that was very cool. even cold. i'm so lazy :P

i *just* made the bus to saint sauveur in time, which was intense! skittles made my walk from the village to the mountain that much more pleasurable, the weather wasn't beautiful but it was beautifully comfortable, and i was delighted when i arrived to discover that my choc / rum / coffee blend was perfect :)

i didn't stay on the slopes for very long, only a couple of hours, but the runs i did were so crazy and exhilarating that i felt dangerously high on adrenaline. by "dangerously", i mean that i was certain that i'd do something stupid, so when i saw that the lift clock said 6.05 i made a differently crazy decision to take the 6.40 bus back. i managed to change and pack up very quickly, and made the walk with a few minutes to spare to be entertained by a guy in his forties sitting in his car listening to classic epic house tracks.

my gods - a large proportion of the exceedingly groovy people i went clubbing with when i started out are now approaching or are in their forties... holy crap!

i got home, had a hot bath which i sorely needed and napped for another hour before jump-starting with the remains of my thermos. it had been a crazy weekend, and i was off to complete a hat trick with a psytrance party!


---sunday:

yang was there, aside from a dodgy introduction to someone that made us both sound stupid (instead of just him) - and reminded me very much of his father - we chatted amiably a few times and it was pleasant seeing him. i got about four or five hours of partying in before the cops showed up to shut us down... of those, there was one hour during which i thought that i was finally out of gas for the day because i could barely lift my legs. then the next dj came on and made it clear that it was the music that had been sucking, because we were all re-energized and out of control until the end!

i had so much fun! i so needed that! the only downer of the evening was my own thoughts about pulse, wondering if i was doing the "pushing" in the relationship and if i should back off a bit. i'd like to think that we're above those simple forces, but unfortunately that's not how these things work :(

the night buses to get home were actually quite convenient, though i let myself get distracted by skittles and an odd humming sound that the bus was making that could have been lifted from one of the tracks i'd heard earlier and i missed my stop. fortunately, i registered where i was before i'd gone too far, and i shambled back home against bitterly cold wind to a quick hot shower before falling into bed.

i slept well for about four hours, then it was on / off for a few more. i was finally woken by a women calling to find out if i was going snowboarding today - she called too late to catch the bus herself, and was disappointed that she hadn't known that i was going last week or yesterday. umm... when she hadn't gotten in touch before, and i'd given her my number before the end of last year? anyway, she sounds particularly unintelligent so i very patiently explained her options. maybe she'll join us next time we rent a car, but i don't really want to spend hours alone with her on a bus.

...

i have spent my day posting, doing a couple of french practice sessions, chatting, and eating healthy junk food while listening to music. i've been thinking about having lunch for over an hour now and just realized that i'm leaving for dinner soon, so so much for that idea.
in summary, i think it's safe to sat that this weekend has been totally awesome, and that i have enjoyed my finest valentine's day ever!

life is good ^_^

ushering in 2014 - the festival

[... continued]

getting to rezonance wasn't difficult at all, which was only a concern because the last time i went we got lost and ended up in a township. my cute little fiat rental wasn't happy at all with the farm roads, though, and i had to drive extremely slowly... good thing i hadn't forgotten my cds so i could at least sing along and enjoy the ride :)

i walked in carrying my tent and blanket expecting to run into my cousins immediately, but after a short mission i returned to the car to leave them behind and go hunting with my hands free. a good reason for not being able to find them? they weren't there! i thought we'd be doing the full family vibe but only two cousins were there at all, one leaving before the other arrived.

walking in past the third dance floor i heard a bit of george daniel, i'm almost sorry i didn't stay for more, he was amazing!

i found yang on the main dancefloor, we talked for a minute and then springer walked past. it was so cool to see her! she dragged me off to meet her mom and her fiancé, and a couple of minutes later i returned to where i'd met her and yang had already left, not to be seen again. in the minute or two that we had seen each other he'd managed to annoy me by boasting about the quantity of drugs he'd taken in a way that assured me that he'd done nothing at all and didn't realize that that was okay.
okay, then!
the next day one of my new friends would make a comment about how she can't understand how anyone could be stupid enough to leave before the last day, and i kept thinking of yang doing just that...

springer introduced me to her campsite and i set my tent up with them. the wind came up just as i began and subsided soon after i was done. of course :P

i finished just in time to catch the goldfish performance - brilliant! - and then we hit the dam for a swim. i sat on the bank because my boxers weren't appropriate for swimming :(

i was disappointed to find that there were precisely two options for vegan food at the festival, but fortunately the indian food was a very good option indeed. what was super weird was that the stuff they warned me was really hot and spicy wasn't a problem but what wasn't supposed to be spicy burned me :S

the night session didn't impress me too much, the dark psy and full-on were mixed and a lot of the music was loud and crazy but boring: no groove, no clean beats, boring. the few tracks that were good were really good, though, but not enough to keep me out there. i must have gone to bed around 11pm, which in retrospect was a sodding good idea :)

speaking of good ideas - my hippie feet! i've been given some grief about them, most notably by my mother who thinks that i should go for a pedicure, because they'd make a khoisan proud. they're rough and tough and made for stomping, even if they're not the sexiest feet around. i was very glad for them when i discovered an exposed piece of metal on the dance floor in the dark, not by walking on it but by stomping my foot down on it with full force. it hurt, and for a minute i was worried that i'd punctured my sole, but there was no damage done and everything was fine.
in fact, the worst thing to come out of the festival was a splinter in my left foot, i'm not sure if it's still there or not :P

i slept on the ground with a blanket and some clothing piled to make a pillow, and aside from waking up throughout the night to reconnect the tent cover which had been blown off by the wind i actually slept quite well. i woke up feeling rested and, surprisingly, with my body feeling aligned. nice!

i walked down to the dam for a wake-up swim, the water was lovely but drying off was extremely chilly, then headed to get some coffee. as i stood waiting for my order an old couple - and by old i mean somewhere in the range of 50s to 70s, it's hard to tell - stood next to me and were deliberating over their own order. when my coffee was presented to me the gentleman looked over and asked, quizzically, "green coffee?"
his wife (presumably) turned to me and made a calming motion with her hands. "it's the mushrooms," she said. "if you find liquid mushrooms, you really shouldn't take more than one or two drops."
i walked off with the silliest smile on my face!

the music from the second stage was waaaaaay better suited to mornings than that on the main one, so i took my coffee there. talisman was playing, he's a groovy old dude with amazing progressive and there must have been about ten or fifteen of us in total enjoying a perfect session!

when the stage shut down i returned to the tent where my neighbours were just waking up. i convinced them to join me in some rum, but i accidentally pulled out the southern comfort instead. should've labelled the bottles! i brushed my teeth, then returned to the main stage to hunt down tgtbt and her boyfriend. i knew where they were supposed to be but i couldn't find them! eventually i almost walked over them and laughed at them for thinking i'd see them if they were sitting down :P
tgtbt and i talked for a while and it was really cool to get some catch-up time :)

i picked up the bottle of southern comfort, put my boardies on beneath my shorts and hit the dance floor for some quality crazy time. it was getting hotter, too hot for spirits without ice - one of the guys i gave a sip to actually threw up - and eventually i gave up and returned the bottle to the tent. i'd developed heartburn myself, half a bottle of the stuff is apparently not a particularly healthy breakfast.

the vegan place made me a strawberry, banana and apple smoothie that was good, but had precisely one strawberry in it. i found that strange. when i went back for lunch and couldn't decide on quantity, i was called an emasculating name by a very pretty girl and told to take more. i told her i was fully confident in my masculinity and did not succumb to her taunting, and i'm glad because it actually would have been too much for me :P

the afternoon was absolutely wonderful. broken toy were excellent and gandalf finished the day with an amazing set, whoever was in between was good most of the time. there was a lot of mud to splash about in and everyone was having a jolly good time - though there were a few groups of people who weren't quite playing with the rest of us - and the only difficulty was trying to keep in the shade and not get too burned. i'm rather proud of myself for managing to limit the damage so well, big props to my mum for giving me a fantastically silly cowboy (cowgirl?) hat which helped a lot :D

i ran into one of my niece's new husband's sisters on the dancefloor, confirming my original suspicions of her being a bit of a hippie too ;)

my new friends (met through springer) were so much fun to party with and only to happy to share goodies, after the festival was officially over we all spent some time at the dam before heading back to the tents. the wind came up while everyone was striking camp and died down just as soon as the site was clear. of course :P

i stayed with them until i felt ready to drive safely back to cape town, and then a little longer because they'd arranged dinner, and the hours together were spent most joyfully.

after a beautiful, spiritual day and a half on the farm, i got in my car and drove back super-cautiously because cute cars and farm roads don't mix. days have passed, and i'm still feeling wonderful - may the new year bring us all light and love and continue in the vein in which it began!

a good goodbye weekend

i've been separating out the last few days into individual posts, but that's not so simple... so this is just going to cover the weekend. the weekend was incredible! i'm praying that this isn't my last in montreal... what makes me nervous is that even though i'm legitimately here and have permission to stay until 2015, the border officials don't have to let me back in.

but if this was my last weekend, then it's the one that's made the best impression so far. hands down!

---friday:

once again i enjoyed sleep that can only be described as heavenly.

having arranged to pay aota a visit, i called her up to let her know that i was on my way.
"you don't understand the state i'm in. i can't see people."
"i'm not people!"
i braved the ridiculous snowstorm (it was really pretty)*, had an amusing ordeal at a local coffee shop** and spent an hour or two with her. by the time i left she was feeling much better, so i was glad.

while i was there i sent an email to the cto asking for my job back. he hasn't responded yet, i'm pretty sure that means he's not interested. oh, well. i had nothing to lose.

* i can finally understand people running when it's super-cold! the previous week's temperatures had conditioned us all to much worse, so everyone was relaxed and warm enough.

** the girl behind the counter couldn't find the soy milk.
"us vegans are such trouble-makers!" i joked.
"nonsense! not at all!" boomed the rotund, smiling owner, stepping out to the front from whatever he'd been doing.
an indian man walked in wearing nothing but a sweater.
"did you really go outside like that?" asked the owner.
"i work a block away, it was fine."
i chimed in with my previous observation, and that began a conversation that moved from the weather to accents to south africa, mandela, crime and politics. i was impressed that my coffee was still warm when i eventually explained that i had to leave. while i put my coat back on, the owner came over and put a piece of delicious-looking cake on the table.
"for you, my friend. merry christmas!"
i refused the cake, explaining that i'm vegan. he didn't seem offended but i kinda felt bad about not accepting it... later i'd feel doubly bad because i could totally have taken it to aota!

what a schmuck i can be :(

...

on the way to meet horseman for coffee i walked past a man busking. i tossed him $2 and got a happy clappy christmas song stuck in my head in return :S
horseman and i had coffee, i joined him on his mission to get chinese and then left him for friday night training.

vfmp arrived without gloves, so we did some basic footwork and then joined the jiu-jitsu class. it was a good class, i learned a lot and even more from vfmp's runtime commentary when we continued drilling afterwards. one of the guys in the gym (the guy who farted on me a short while back) warned us that he'd heard a report that we were going to experience freezing rain the next day. after getting home, i checked the weather report and everything seemed fine, snow was predicted. i stopped worrying about it.

when saying goodbye and leaving the gym, the girl wire's into was working the desk.
"sunday's the last day of your membership? but you're leaving wednesday? don't worry about it."
*taps on keyboard*
"you can come in on monday too, if you like," she said with a smile :)

i put on my boots on the mat at the entrance, sitting at an angle with my legs just jutting into the doorway. as i leaned over to tie them someone almost walked into me. i jumped back and apologized, looking up in gsp's face. again?! how embarrassing!

at vfmp's, we enjoyed a decent fake minced-meat and lettuce dinner - i don't usually approve of fake meats, but this wasn't bad and it's high protein. his brother joined us and we played thunderstone.
the game was great, but we realized too late that the barkeep should be bought early on! between that and the town guard the buying strategy got a bit crazy.

i was flattered to hear that vfmp and his boyfriend have agreed that if i have trouble at the border then his boyfriend will marry me in order to get me in. that's the second last-chance offer i've received (aota's was the first), and they've planted the idea of "mail-order husband" in my head :P

...

i stepped out into the post-snowstorm night with solid groovy trance and found it hard to contain the stomping and dancing that's been building up inside and pushing at the boundaries of my body. i can't wait for new year's!

...

i was planning on training the following morning, but on my way home realized that i was tired, it was late and i'd need to drive in harsh winter conditions. i figured that maybe it wouldn't be a good idea.

---saturday:

i woke up early, checked the weather report. freezing rain, ice pellets, sleet. shit. no way i was going to brave that, so i called up the rental agency and cancelled my reservation. the guy on the phone sounded irritated by he was efficient and didn't give me any grief. i messaged the guy i was going to travel with, and turned in for another couple of hours. the next day i would learn that the weather had actually been easier to drive in than the next day, which wasn't so bad.

*sigh*

when i woke up i decided to hit the gym; if i wasn't going to be able to snowboard, then i definitely wanted to make the most of what remained of my membership! i arrived around the same time as vfmp, but he was doing the jiu-jitsu gi class which i couldn't join. so i watched enough to get a sense of what they were doing and then focused on shadowboxing and the bags. the kid who hits too hard was around, so i asked if he wanted to spar. after the experience [mentioned here] i was feeling really good as i walked out of the gym.

vfmp waited for me while i showered, and we headed downtown for lunch and supplement shopping. the first meal was at liquid nutrition, their protein shake was oddly purple and delicious! the second was at cafe verdure, which has a nice atmosphere and all the food is vegan and gluten free. and also delicious! we even had desserts: the doughnuts were tasty but the texture was weird, the cupcakes were fantastic.

when i got home i decided it was nap-time. i tuned in to a french radio station which soon began a reading of the translated charles dickens - a christmas carol. what a win! and because i'm basically familiar with the story, i understood a little more than i might have otherwise.

i'd somehow scratched my forearm during the day, close to where my elbow is still recovering from the recent damage. the supermarket was warm, as usual, but when i stood in line at the cashier the scratch began to burn, and heat from it spread like fire throughout my body. i left my stuff on the conveyor and rushed to a bench to strip off my jacket and sweater... when i got home i found an old tube of antiseptic cream (expired a year ago) and rubbed a generous quantity on the area. a few more of those over the next day or two and everything seems okay now. only earlier this evening i managed to scratch the other arm in the same place! i don't know what's going on :S

...

there's nothing like pulling warm dry laundry out the dryer on a cold day.

---sunday:

after talking to sq, i called the israeli tax authority to find out why they think i need to fill out an "annual form" for 2011 if i don't have a "file" open.
"there was some anomaly during that year, so we opened a file for you and we'll close it as soon as we figure out what happened. sorry, but an annual form has to be filled out."
"okay. so how do i do that?"
"sir, i don't care about the what's and why's. you have to fill out an annual form."
"yes, i got that. but *how* do i do that?"
"sir, i just told you. i'm not going to repeat myself."
"you didn't explain a thing to me, i don't understand how to submit an annual report - especially not from outside the country - and i want you to explain the process to me!"
"sir, i'm sorry, i'm not going to repeat myself. have a nice day."
*click*

oh, israel, how i miss you.

...

fortunately my ranting online had an old friend put me in touch with an accountant who seems eager for my business. i've signed and sent him power of attorney forms and i'm hoping he'll come back to me with positive news...

---after three and a half hours' sleep i woke up, quickly readied myself and joined icarus outside. getting out of my road was a mission and a half with all the snow: first time i've shovelled any! the drive wasn't too bad but we needed to seriously heat up the inside of the car in order to stop ice forming on the windshield. that was kinda uncomfortable :(

my mind was on the morning's conversation all day, and i had paul simon - graceland in my head. we arrived at saint sauveur, i grabbed a cup of coffee while icarus rented his helmet (by now he's paid enough times that he could have bought his own with that money), and we headed out.

1. on the green run, i worked on switching and i'm now doing it at much higher speeds than before. awesome!

2. not as awesome as my last run. i'd had a really fun few hours on the slopes, mostly on black diamonds. for the last run i picked the route that i'd hurt myself on a few weeks ago - this time it was covered in giant moguls. i hit them at high speed, and not only maintained the speed but was navigating them instinctively; my mind was only registering what my body was doing just as i was doing it, and by the time i reached the bottom i turned around to look at what i'd been through, unable to figure out how i'd done it. i was on a serious adrenaline high, and although i'd been thinking of getting in another day before leaving i decided on the way out that *that* is the memory i want to travel with.

it was glorious!

the drive back was a little easier than the one there, and we returned to montreal just about when we'd intended. i posted what followed here.

...

bell's warning message that i'd reached 90% of my data plan was most welcome :P

revisits complete

i woke up this morning still feeling crap, but with tennis elbow too. i thought i'd gotten over that ages ago... i haven't trained in a week, i feel like i haven't trained in ages and i don't feel like i'm ready to go back to gym. this sucks.

i'm *so* glad i get the jewish holidays off (today and tomorrow are "shavuot"), i really needed them to myself. i hope aota wasn't too offended by my sms telling her i didn't feel up to going to the synagogue today. i explained that even if i had been interested in going, today would've been the day to stay home sick. but seriously, i don't want to waste hours in the synagogue. it's not my scene.

while doing the laundry i finally went to the dry cleaner's to pick up my trousers which have been waiting for me to have an opportunity to get them for at least a week and a half. at 10am on a spring morning, my neighbourhood becomes the suburban ideal, the lovely gardens and the relative quiet, even the roofers doing their thing. i guess reading the local newspaper may have contributed a bit to the sensation.

i finally called up about my driver's license and was fortunate to catch a cancelled appointment in a week's time :) i did the online knowledge test sample and it looks like i'll do just fine :)

i got some serious sewing done (i'm about halfway through on my mr. price pants) while watching more of the it crowd and wondering how many days in the week i really need just for myself. it's nice that i get weekends, but usually those are crammed with social things or pressure items. i think i need at least another day each week to be out of sync with the rest of the world and Get Stuff Done.

the cleaning lady surprised me (i wasn't thinking about the time) and after shifting things around so that she could get started i headed to the bank, explored a possible new route to the starbucks, walked all the way back because it wasn't a good route, and chilled at the starbucks until i received a phone call telling me she was done. i came back in the pouring rain, she'd done a good job and was very enthusiastically appreciating the apartment and its decor.

after she left, i plugged in my computer and i've been posting and accepting invitations to trance events ever since. i think i'm ready to get sewing again. i wanted tonight to be my first muay thai class! i really hope that i'll be feeling better by tomorrow.

revisiting: sunday

i'm splitting these up. it's been a crazy week.

---sunday:

i slurped down a monster energy drink and headed downtown; it wasn't hard to find the place. it's actually the last club i went to with yang, only now i have an idea of what it's called (kim foo's, only it's not) and where to find it. i walked on in, bought a bottle of water so i'd have change for the coat check, and entered.

aside from about half a set all told, the following five hours were filled with grinding, styling beats.

SO...montreal has a proper trance scene. and it's beautiful! it was so nice to see the sunrise from the right side again, even if my hearing was out and my feet hurt. that was one heck of a stomp, and some of the locals were just as much fun as chromatone! the crowd was great, too :)

"my best sleep is between 7am and noon. when i sleep those hours, it's the best sleep i get and it's just enough". i say this a lot, and it's very validating whenever i actually do it and find that nothing's changed. i woke up to a call from godmother responding to an email i'd sent her about tickets to south africa: the prices were going up, she said, and i should get on that.

i spent the next while researching tickets, eventually going through flighthub because kayak's site wouldn't operate properly in chrome or firefox: it cost me a couple hundred more but in addition to the site actually working my flight includes a day and a half in daylight stopovers in london - plenty of time to get into the city and meet up with friends ^_^

i'll be using my full three week package, and i've decided that if there are any work-related issues with my visit to see friends and family, be at my niece's wedding and usher in 2014 in the traditional manner, the latter will most definitely be trumping the former.

i had a lengthy and positive chat with pg about the apartment and then headed out to meet horseman; we found an awesome vegan bar / coffee shop (that does live performances) called cagibi and were having a great talk about shakespeare and his sonnets before sidetracking into the political when he discovered that i'm israeli. the conversation was uncomfortable, but he heard what i had to say. it was a long walk to the metro and we got into personal traumas - the man may be a reformed criminal but i find it hard to see past "gentle giant".

the evening was a bit chilly - winter was on its way back for a visit - and the sunset was gorgeous.

i got home with a list of things to do, and i got everything except fixing my wraps covered. moonlighter contacted me towards midnight for another long work session...

the other side of the DOOF

okay: just got back a couple of hours ago from neverwhere, the doof / paganka party up north. neverwhere also happens to be an incredible book by neil gaiman, which makes it all the more amusing that the similarities to it didn't end even after we left, when we heard a report on the radio about which destinations where most popular this weekend and ours didn't get a mention. we were a LOT of people!

i have a bit of a headache but that's because i worked my body really hard having so much fun and then took responsibility for driving three out of four of us home.

---
thursday night:

after dinner and before bed we ended up playing pirate fluxx after pg got bored with WOW. at least we tried... and the fluxx game was fun :)

---
friday:

we spent a horrible morning (well, the weather was great and we did start in good spirits) trying to renew our student passes at the dan bus lines office. the ministry of transportation has decided that having a valid 2012 sticker on the student card isn't enough, even though that's all that we've received in the mail. so first year students had no problem, but we had to go to campus to print out our registration authorization.

but it's holidays, so campus is closed. when i called up the ministry of transportation they informed me that this was by design, and screw you. well, they didn't say "screw you" but that was the gist of their response. the worst part is that this is all happening the week before icon, a week-long festival all around tel aviv that requires a lot of short bus trips.

ASSHOLES!!!

anyway, after a long, complicated mission (and having to pay for a full bus ticket for the dog both ways), i managed to print out pg's but the machine that read pg's card wouldn't read mine and the other one i found that does read mine was out of paper.

figures. and this isn't the first time that's happened, either.

so at least we organized hers, but the day was lost, our feelings towards dan and the ministry turned to sour, and i think i might have to sneak my way using her card... it's not like i haven't paid my fees, either. but them's the rules, and those are narrow-minded do-as-you're-told kind of people.

---
we stopped at cafe henrietta for lunch - kind of to make up for the crappy start to the day (and i hadn't even had coffee yet) - and there was some inexplicable delay with our meal after we'd had to wait a bit to be seated. i honestly don't think i would've noticed in the state i was in, but our waitress (who'd been pleasant and professional from the beginning) saw to it that we'd get a bonus dessert. not only a bonus dessert, but she threw in my orange juice too.

that *did* make me feel a bit better.

unfortunately, that much chocolate after last night's killer vat o' mousse didn't do much for my stomache... i slept the sleep of the dead for a couple of hours after i got home. after waking up, being dragged outside to park the car (it's such a pleasure when you can find a parking nearby!), and snacking, i spent a long while learning how to sort kindle books and then we played a bit more fluxx until on-my-honour arrived.

---
today:

i have to admit, as long as i don't expect her to be anywhere near on time we have no issues whatsoever. we had a great time together on the drives and at the party, and i have learned to accept that we have completely different perspectives when it comes to all sorts of things... we still get along like a house on fire :)

we arrived around 3 - 3.30am, found a good enough spot for our tent, mulched around a bit and crashed. i got up to the tail end of zirkin's incredibly powerful wake-up set, having slept pretty well considering that my bladder was full and i'd been conforming my body to the location of the rocks beneath me :P

we'd picked up a very pretty swiss girl on the way up north - i thought that she and on-my-honour were friends from before but it turned out they'd never met. a pity for on-my-honour that the swiss girl has a sharing problem: she drank almost all the vodka, and on-my-honour had brought the vast majority... have i mentioned before that i don't like babysitting drunk people? i did the barest minimum and felt absolutely no discomfort for abandoning her. we were in a more or less safe space, and i think i succeeded in making our neighbours feel uncomfortable about taking advantage of her.

aside from running into anti-1 and finally having a proper chat (she seems to be doing great, actually), i spent the morning contemplating the wonders of how my life is on track (even if i am on break) and how it all began at my first trance party. neverwhere? these gatherings give me hope. slowly, maybe, but it feels as if we're impacting the world around us for good. and the world has so much to learn.

for a good while the beats from loud and laughing buddha made me aware that my prayers on the dance floor are nothing short of my submission to a higher power, the beat. and protoplasm's sentiment that "trance is electronic music with a sense of humor" echoed over, and over in my mind. too true. in particular, one of those sets was making fun of us, half of it was total retro and pure goa trance, and old-school rebirth samples were being mixed in with the newer stuff and it was all magic ^_^

i'm still amused about running into my kibbutz cousin's younger son in the morning - i'd wanted to visit them afterwards, but i had to drive the others...

i'm well pleased with myself. and well pleased with my hair, i think i know what it's going to feel like when it's dreaded. i'm now in desperate need of getting to bed.

the weirdness of a clear schedule

whoa! i slept in, had a chilled morning, waiting for on-my-honour to swing by with my ticket for the big doof party coming up. it was two hours later than the time we'd agreed upon when i suddenly remembered our last experience - she's the girl with the watch problem - what reminded me was an sms informing me that the queues in the hospital were a lot longer than she'd expected.

WTF?!

i left for work, and by the time i arrived she and pg had met and traded. the work day was very short and i completed all my tasks, leaving early so that i could take pg to see the doctor. the only trouble with that plan was the reliance on public transport from herzeliya to tel aviv; i arrived at london ministore just as pg was walking out of it after having been seen. i was feeling drained, so we stopped somewhere that i could drink a beer and down a good meal (exquisite chicken salad), after which i handed her my bag and grabbed a bus to the university.

science night. too many interesting lectures, not enough time. i shouldn't have gone to the space il presentation because i didn't really have much to learn; i should have gone to the lecture on spinal development and back pain instead. after that i sat in on a fascinating lecture called "education reform and social justice", which, as edifying as it may have been, had unfortunately little to do with the given topic. from there i went to an "international" lecture (given in slightly-broken english) on the ramifications (if any) of the recent arab uprisings, and lastly i hit the arts school to hear about photography's importance as an artistic form.

and to think i'd almost skipped all of these to run home to pg, who was struggling with her eye-drops. i was just on my way off campus when she called to tell me she'd finally gotten it right :P

the last lecture really inspired me - i'm going to try and convince urchin to work with me on a photographic series that i think could make a difference :)

wr worked the coffee stand, so he was quite busy the entire evening (although he did pass me a couple of cups), but we left campus at the same time so i got a ride into tel aviv. i've now performed some of my webmaster duties, pretty much wrapped up the day and i'm ready for a shower and some reading before bed.

i'm not certain i'll be joining the organizers' meeting at 8am in south tel aviv...

poor me: a weekly review part ii

[... continued]

i was planning on blading to campus, but i felt a few raindrops on my way home to pick up my bag and made an extremely wise decision to put on my shoes and take the bus. that meant literally running for the bus :/

i'm been reading aldous huxley - brave new world on the bus and i couldn't figure out where i'd read "multitudinous seas incarnadine" until second class... how fortunate that we're studying macbeth :)

i spoke to someone in the morning on my way in to get coffee, and somehow the notion of summer vacation was raised... good heavens! i'll have time to actually *DO* stuff! that totally energized me, and i would have remained quite bouncy if first class hadn't been so uninspiring.

i picked up a couple of students interested in joining our anime group, and the lecturer invited me to a lecture that was going to take place in the afternoon.

i was dead again after first, but second was a great class that began by explaining how woody allen misunderstood shakespeare, and ended with me being distracted and agonizing over a rather embarrassing mix-up with my calendar - i'd okayed pg's birthday barbecue for the same evening that i was organizing a poetry reading, because she'd given me a date and i hadn't associated it with the festival we're latching onto (lag ba'omer)... embarrassing and unpleasant.

after engaging one of the poetry lecturers to invite him to the reading i was in a bit of a hurry to get to the student union to organize a bullhorn when i ran into a friend of scrapper's that i used to serve with. a fascinating chat that took far too long; he agreed with me at first, but then got defensive and began tying himself into logic knots. it's tough trying to give hope to someone who understands on an intellectual level but whose emotions cannot bring him to keep it together. we ended with an argument over choice, about which i have far too much to say to include here.

what a pleasure to receive the cash from the alternative ride to compensate me for my having to repurchase thursday after he lost it. and now i feel stupid because the link i just added is to the director's cut and it's cheaper than what i found on ebay. i didn't even *think* to look on amazon :S

on my mission to inform israel that one should turn off the engine when idling for more than ten seconds, i have received three classes of response. the first, the majority, is a postive "thank you!" and the turning of the key. the second, much less, is a blank, uncomprehending stare, with eyes glazed and mouth agape. the third, only one, i got on my way to visiting wr from someone who obviously (by his look and tone) considers himself something of an intellectual: "what a waste of your time."

i didn't think of it quickly enough, but that deserved a "what a waste of your money." what a dumbass.

the lecture that i'd been invited to was really interesting! what a bummer they always have them when i'm completely exhausted. half the lecture i couldn't tell if i was awake or dreaming, every now and then starting and wondering if i'd closed my eyes, snored or drooled... i don't know how the scene began to form in my mind, and i wrote it on my way to the bus.

walking down the road near our apartment: the pinks and yellows and purples of a tiny road after the sun-bronzed facades of the main street were peeping, glowing, through the foliage - but why were all the metals purple?

i arrived just in time to help pg and her parents erect the serious gazebo; afterwards i rested, had dinner and a shower and we walked to the cinema to see thor.

i saw the poster for the fast and the furious 5: oh gods no. it's like tropic thunder just became real. on the other hand, i believe priest, real steel and the fourth pirates of the caribbean are all going to be amazing :)

as for thor: dude. awesome. i don't think there was anything i didn't like, i had fun the whole movie and i was shocked by the tidiness of the fight scenes after having read a review that stated that it wasn't a good idea to watch in 3-d because there's too much motion to make sense of things. 3D was *just* right, thank you very much. gorgeous film, go see it.

i was shocked when i received a refusal to participate in the organization that's getting going; not because i expected participation, but because i hadn't asked for it. i found myself angrily clarifying that all i was seeking was advice and contacts... why does everyone have to make things so complicated?!

pg and i went thursday night shopping, and had an amusing little "no *i'm* paying" scene that wherein the cashier intervened on my behalf and was then embarrassed to have done so.

i can't recall what made me think of it, but i wonder if anyone misheard and thought the chant was "what's that smell?"

rum works with redbull, and it works with orange juice. we had a drink or two and made our way to the zizi club. we met a few people i know on the way in, had an unpleasant moment with the bouncer who didn't understand that i'd heard what he'd said and was actually planning on complying, and walked in to discover that this was where pg and i had come a few months ago, also on the date when we celebrate our x months together. interesting timing :P

the music was frikkin' AMAZING. but the place was crowded and eventually we left because pg was having to work too hard to defend herself; i wasn't faring too much better.

i was startled by a taxi driver on the way home because he so enthusiastically received my explanation of the evils of idling. sometimes you really don't know who'll surprise you the most.

---friday:

i woke up with a skew neck, and was planning on rollerblading to the park to scout for a spot when it began to rain... to REALLY rain. i was sensing a pattern :P

i bought meat from the butcher, for the first time ever, thinking i'd bought *just* about enough to cover everyone. on the way back, inspiration struck:
i have it! the police don't know - that's what they told me, at least - how to stop people from using the horn in inappropriate situations; if every israeli car's horn gave a little electric shock, it wouldn't stop people from emergency use but they'd think twice before holding it down for more than a second

i really do believe that that could be done.

pg and i went to buy strawberries, and passed by a supermarket on the way to pick up breakfast. the donuts looked pretty good, but the girl at the counter couldn't spell donut in any language and i eventually had to shout at her to get her to give up and let me go without :S

an old lady was being really pathetic about blocking the road so i got involved as i walked past and the woman she was griefing was quite grateful. how embarrassing to get home and realize that the old woman is our neighbour, and have to explain all the way up the stairs why what she did was wrong. awkward.

the weather had cleared a bit so i strapped on my blades and headed to the park, purchasing a bicycle bell on the way (quite a story, sadly) that can fit on my finger like a large ring. it's bloody helpful - and funny, too.

after a while of scouting i realized that daylight snaps were not particularly productive, and so i returned home. on the way, i travelled parallel to a cyclist with a dog running after him. when his dog ran to the side to relief herself, i asked him if it's legal to let one's animals relieve themselves freely in the park.
"no, " he answering without hesitation.
a second passed.
"but my bitch is allowed."

the audacity astounds me. i harrumphed (there's a hebrew word for that that i used loudly and abrasively) and sped along.

i watched measure for measure when i got home, and it was a far sight easier than reading the damn play. i don't know why i found it so confusing.

[continued...]

reflections upon aging prematurely - part ii

[... continued]

the most surreal experience: stepping out of our tent in the evening only to be confronted by a girl fleeing security, jumping over the fence and screaming her goodbyes to us, seemingly personally. in my hazy state i couldn't figure out if i was supposed to recognize her or not... they caught her, and we couldn't figure out afterwards if she was just someone who'd snuck into the festival or if she'd tried to escape from something outside of it.

i knew that from 2am things were going to go crazy, so i tried to rest after organic's set. not so easy when the bass makes your body bounce even when prone. at 1am the sound seemed to fade out; that was when the dj began playing with the surround and it was magnificent even from 200m away.

2am: get up and dig. the music was preposterously good the entire night, totally indifferent to human physiology's need to sleep. i couldn't stop stomping until the final set, and even though i'm not a big fan of minimal it was so well-integrated with the full-on... bottom line: happiness overload. so many people going so crazy... and all remarkably similar to the last one. time really does stop for doof.

so: hearing loss, sore legs and chafing. on the brighter side, i think i know what my hair's going to look like dreaded. pg and i struck camp, but i got struck down in the process. i was truly exhausted. the goodbyes were... awkward. i was incoherent, and said remarkably stupid things. swak. to make matters worse, i was in no state to drive so pg had to take the wheel... at least we had space for a hitch-hiker. i like being able to "pass it forward" :P

once home, we did some shopping and then went straight to bed.

---tuesday:

the technician arrived to set up the internet, and told us that to actually get it to work we'd have to call support and have them talk us through it. i called immediately while he and pg were still sorting out the paperwork, only to discover that there's no reasonable way to get hold of support.

fantastic.

when i told him this, he explained that he was aware of the difficulties and would help us, even though he usually charges for the assistance. WTF?!?!

anyway, so we have internet at home now. that meant that i could video-chat with my sister (w00t!) and work on my seminar paper. a good thing, too: that's all i did until 3am the next morning. the final grind was tough.

---wednesday:

so i went to bed, and then woke up an hour or two later feeling sick as a dog. my throat was scratchy (as it is right now, on-and-off painful), and soon after i was so cold that i dragged myself out of bed to heat up in a hot shower. then i tried passing out on the couch so that i wouldn't disturb pg.

the bus to campus: i was *dead*. literally falling over. printing out my paper and handing it in seemed like a dream at the time, and i haven't yet experienced the catharsis that should've accompanied the action. it's like i cannot absorb the fact that it's finally done.

we had a class on sound poetry which required two cups of coffee to get through, and i sat with co-conspirator to advise her on her paper before stretching out on the grass with a couple of classmates to rest and chat. then i took a bus to herzeliya so that i could help mmf drive cars back to tel aviv.

on entering herzeliya: the guy with the hummer? all i could think of was "tiny penis". that was in opposition to the middle-aged guy who came careening past on his skateboard, and is made of win. i feel embarrassed for people who need to satisfy their egos with suits and expensive cars.

mmf and i both talk with our hands. i accidentally swatted his iphone out of his, which was embarrassing and unpleasant :$

after spending some time at his place (i suck at reading to children, apparently) and discussing work and studies, he introduced me to iphone multi-tasking and laughed at my lack of familiarity with something so basic. why on earth would i ever double-tap the button??? that's not very intuitive, IMO.

on the way home i stopped by the hardware dude to discuss hardware and psychedelics, and when i got in i went straight to bed. i woke up for dinner and went to my apartment to pick up mail and my doof shirt (^_^), and have a drink with the girls who have invaded my apartment. i'm well pleased at both the condition its in and that they're enjoying it. that's all i asked :)

i came home to study for the midterm and get some sleep. sleeping well was a shock after the previous week :P

[continued...]

reflections upon aging prematurely - part i

[post divided retroactively]

today is saturday. we left for the doof festival last thursday, and this is the first real opportunity i've had to post. and i still have a ton of actual work to get through, a book to read and two papers to write...

my sister called me a masochist yesterday, but while i'm seriously stressed i'm still actually *enjoying* what i'm doing, so i'm sure i'm not. here's a relatively brief summary of what feels like an aeon gone by:

---thursday: travelling

it took us much longer to finish packing than i expected, and i've been informed by pg that this is normal for her so next time: we'll pack the night before :P

to make matters worse, we forgot something important at home and only realized it when we'd finally gotten to rishpon, so we turned around and came back for it... the traffic density in both directions was high, but at least on the way back north we had some music - something else i'd forgotten to pack :P

the kosher-for-passover cookies i bought before we hit the traffic jam after afula were great: marvellously morish, they kept me going for the first two days of the festival :D
we stopped by my cousin's kibbutz for a delightful couple of hours, and left fairly late. we stopped to pick up coffee around 22.55, and this is important because that meant we were *just* in time to purchase araq before sales curfew. one shouldn't arrive at a festival without alcohol, that's just not cricket!

what a difference, being the driver. last year got me so used to stressing about hitching, bussing, and walking... this was a pleasure.

---the festival. d-d-d-d-d-d-DOOF. four days of mayhem. and, all told, about five hours of sleep - the double mattress had a hole in it so resting time was rocky and at awkward angles. we got there the night before and set up without any hassles, except for my own personal awkwardness. on the first morning - which was a bit rainy - pg and i ran around sorting out the sign posting once the police pre-inspection was underway; on friday afternoon, with ten minutes to go until my eight-hour shift as a parking attendant, i wrote out my villanelle on the graffiti wall and then headed out to the trenches.

being a parking attendant in israel is an experience. some of the people were okay, but the vast majority required individual explanations (and we're talking about a *lot* of people) as to why they couldn't park wherever they liked: i felt like a kindergarten teacher half the time. and every time one person gave me shit they distracted me from another two or three who were doing something just as bad or worse.

at some point, i found myself being attacked (verbally) by an ars who was explaining to me why someone "with a job like mine" shouldn't be trying so hard or thinking too much. i don't know why i didn't inform him that i was a volunteer. the thing that bothered me more than his aggressive tone was his racism. i've mentioned before how unimpressed i am by the vilifying of civilization, and this asshole didn't stop calling me "ashkenazi" in the pejorative. when i responded in a way that i hoped would make him realize his stupidity, he continued by slurring his own friend for being of yemenite background. his behaviour was so aggressive that i felt uncomfortable with pg having rocked up at that very moment, because i was terrified that he'd associate us and have a go at her too...

the sad / amusing thing was seeing that same asshole two days later on the dancefloor, obviously extremely high and standing amongst the crowd looking sage and mystical. much like with chc, i often wonder what happens to the stupid / narrow-minded on lsd. i hope i never find out.

to offset the unpleasant people, there were a couple of nice ones and a lot of smiles and waves. i was particularly grateful to the woman whose partner parked in *exactly* the wrong spot while he went to pick up tickets, but made a point of helping me out and before they moved brought me a vodka redbull in a cup and a can of redbull for the rest of my shift. i saved that for another day :)

once the main parking lot was full we were all sent down to maximise the use of the lower one. hours of planning and coercing people to park considerately was edifying; it's incredible how much space you have when people don't leave half-car lengths between them and manage to park parallel to one another :P

i haven't seen dp's nephew in a year, and seeing his dreads was inspiring. i now know that i should be ready to have a go by this time next year :D

notable sets prior to sunday: sensual squeak, dirty saffie

i once again thank india for teaching me how to comfortably use public facilities.

i got a fair amount of reading done in the first couple of days; in retrospect i should have been reading something study-related, but i was on holiday and survival of the sickest is amazing!

there weren't a lot of options as far as food and drinks were concerned, but the selection wasn't bad and pg and i had backstage passes so we ate really well a couple of times.

i was amused to meet a couple of the people on the dancefloor who are staying in my apartment. apparently, my pad can handle four european girls simultaneously, and has surprised them by exceeding their expectations ^_^

on the second evening i'd had far too much to drink, and had difficulty with basic motor skills. that was also when my left arm really began to act up. i'm experiencing pain on either side of my elbow, and it takes me back to what i suspect was the original cause.

sunday morning was *cold*. and i became absolutely convinced that the chemical toilets were much cleaner and simpler to use than the "real" ones which were constantly backed up.

azax syndrome is always a good start; i wasn't too sure about the paganka people though...

and then the fun began. at 2pm i missioned to the dirty beach, entering the water only to walk out soon afterwards because i wasn't comfortable with its lack of cleanliness...

the paganka stage was rocking. i met up with some friends who introduced me to friends of theirs... a couple of dodgy-seeming folk who introduced me to *their* friends... but the floor was anything but dodgy. it was beautiful. the music was mind-blowing, the smiling craziness all around, the perfect sunset through the haze of the sprinklers and mud splashing...

ears, eyes and feet
in this maelstrom of paradise
fantasy turned reality becomes
illusion

a now
forever
all of the nows
and this now,
forever
becomes the reality, is the reality
for it's more real
than the
figment of fantasy
than those outside our
cabal of communication

our whirlpools of discourse
swirling in droplets of rainbow pleasure
drizzling over our
prehistoric
primeval
sunset

[continued...]

wind-blown

what could have annoyed me after my previous post? my phone battery dying? my girlfriend misunderstanding me and waiting almost two hours for me to come home for dinner? a folder on my disk-on-key being stuffed up by my work pc's having a "moment", extended into a shutdown failure when i was in a hurry to get out of here?

then discovering that co-conspirator had "moved" all the shakespeare movies from the borrowed disk-on-key instead of "copying" them, so i got nothing?

at least iron man 2 made a satisfying replacement.

---today was a great day to leave the apartment late. i'd worked a little on my seminar, ordered an internet connection (which will only take, mmm, TWO WEEKS to be installed :S), and then hopped over to my apartment to have tea with dp and proofread (and rework) flyers for the festival :D

an hour at work, getting the important stuff done, and then i headed into the heavy winds to take a bus to herzeliya. i was tired and the traffic jam didn't do me any good.

i have a key to the new office, but no facilities. even the kiosk across the street wasn't serving coffee and had run out of pretty much anything else we'd have liked. i spent a spartan couple of hours hating web browsers for glossing over code errors - like misnamed functions - and eventually gave up hacking away at my netbook which is not only insufficient for software development but also appears to be experiencing battery and wifi troubles. so i ventured all the way back to *this* office, where i have a corner office and an extra large screen and a decent connection.

i hate computers: anyone who manages to write great software IN SPITE of all the idiots who wrote the software his has to run on is amazing.

i hate hardware in general: why does our espresso machine hate me so?

now getting ready to exercise. i hope the wind doesn't get us.

a second day

holy crap! the girl i danced with and whose photo i have up on my wall? i've just had a name put to the face - she's dating a friend of mine. finally i know who to give a copy to! ^_^

otherwise, i gotta be up in less than six hours to Get Shit Done and i'm at breaking point.

---scrapper and i were talking on the weekend about someone he knows who claimed to have served with me in my original post, but his name didn't ring a bell. or it did, but a very faint one. a day later he requested facebook friendship, and when i saw his face everything clicked.

this morning i ran into him on my way to our building... he's studying across the road :P
he offered to pass through my cv to a friend of his - every pass counts!

i arrived to register for my other two courses and was sent downstairs to the dismay of the two secretaries downstairs. once we'd agreed that we were all confused i returned upstairs but had to wait what seemed an age for our secretary to get off the phone... she hadn't recognized me the first time. registration took a few seconds and i received an apology.

i had enough time to make appointments to see the ophthalmologist and dermatologist, pick up backpacks from the student union and say hi to wr before finding my class. while we waited for it to begin we learned about connecting to campus wifi. decidedly useful, but potentially disastrous.

the first class was alright - we were asked to introduce ourselves at random and i was a bit nervous that we'd get to me; i'm almost exactly what the lecturer was looking for to use as an example. we read from the bible, i shared an opinion on how to read chaucer (with a scottish accent it all makes sense!) and i met a fellow student in a similar situation.

from there i launched myself to work, to spend an almost exact hour having lunch and familiarizing myself with and documenting our new bug tracker. i managed to get back *just* in time for my seminar.

*ahem*
as the only male in the class, i felt a bit awkward. scrapper was waxing lyrical about how good the biology girls look, but they sit across from us and they don't have a patch on ours... that's neither here nor there, though. the biggest differentiator is that i'm not an english major. not yet, at least. and there i was, volunteering to read after one of the girls made a hash of the first reading.

you know, i was far too aware of the fact that i read that piece too well. so aware was i that i became embarrassed - i wasn't intending to show anyone up - and as i don't speak well in front of others my breath started catching, and suddenly i wasn't reading so nicely any more.

i almost hope i don't get asked again, but i do kinda want to get used to it :P

the cute blonde girl next to me kept staring at my feet. i really wanted to know what she was thinking.

i was totally unsure of myself after that class, and milled about randomly for a bit. i eventually settled on coffee and sat down to look up required reading on my netbook when a really good looking girl stopped and asked me how my week was getting along. i looked up at her, and had no clue who she was. i stared a bit, apologized, and explained that i could grasp no context wherein we'd met...

... so it turns out she was with me when i registered on thursday.
"thursday? that seems such a long time ago..."

all of us in the next class (the one i was particularly excited about) were a bit confused to find our room a tad small for forty students. we were literally crammed in in awkward angles and it's a good thing our professor has a sense of humour. actually, most of the class does - i've made a couple of new friends today :)

---i had a long and educational chat with my mum on the bus to work; in particular, my uncle's not doing so well in his battle with prostate cancer and it upsets me that he's so uncomfortable.

---i spent an hour or so at work Making a Difference - i was given a menial task to perform and i did *just* enough of it to be able to pass it along to one of the managers and get him to fill in the blanks. then i went to visit pg, meeting her sister and brother-in-law. we didn't have much time together before i had to return to receive nystire and the printer (yay! printer for studies!), and the two of us went to bleecker for dinner (good diner) where tahoma joined us.

as usual, this has taken a lot longer than it should have :P

---one thing i've learned in india is to smile at people when i catch them looking at me. this works really well in israel, too!

---right - beer's done, teeth will be brushed and crashing will be performed.

no alcohol part ii

[... continued]

after thursday morning's incident, followed by surprisingly pleasant blood and breath tests, i sat on yehuda maccabi eating grand muesli and laughing at leary on drugs. the man was blessed with intense insight and his scrawlings are supremely entertaining and enlightening!

otherwise - no smiles. this week has been down, because my body's feeling kak. no energy, mental cloudiness and almost constant abdominal discomfort.
i've had better.

i had a nap when i got back home, which brought on a strange dream:
i was watching a movie in 3D, with some old lady in the chair in front of me. on the screen was the back of hulk hogan's head, as if he was sitting on a theatre seat in front of the old lady; he turned around to say something to the audience, and suddenly the old lady disappeared - apparently also part of the illusion.

i began to faint, hearing "cthulu, cthulu, cthulu" being shouted from somewhere to my right.

...

and then i was on a roof, talking to some guys before a golden otter rocked up and chased us all away.

i snoozed my alarm way too many times before eventually getting out of bed and heading to work. it was a hot day, my brain was lazy and i almost pasted myself onto the front of a bus... at least the wind tunnel i entered in the industrial area was nice.

filling out forms? terrible! i hate doing it. i hate the incorrectness of the questions asked. i hate the fact that i *need* to do it, and probably soon, in order to be covered for any medical procedures i hope i don't have to undergo.

*sigh*
being a grown-up sucks sometimes.

---i called up the english department at the university (after sorting out more mail problems) and discovered that i can't register because registration hasn't been opened yet. that'll only happen while i'm away, when i won't be able to do anything about it... i began to suggest possible solutions when i suddenly remembered that i hadn't mentioned my status: "but i'm a special student".

"oh! nevermind then. you can register for whichever courses you like up until the day they begin, and you don't need to bother yourself with the bidding process."

sweet ^_^

---i farted around with flex and began to familiarize myself with the apache server, then moved on to wiki editing. the derision coming from the crew discussing parents who give their children terrible names was distractingly hysterical :P

---vampire the masquerade: *BOY* do i have a lot to learn.
before we began, i was feeling weird... we shopped for food and munchies, and in my quest for protein i picked naturally smoked tuna in oil. it tasted pretty good, but what does "naturally smoked" mean? is this tuna from the gulf of mexico? did it smoke naturally in an oil fire?

scrapper's primary concern for the evening: "how much junk food do you eat?! how are you still alive?"

i need to read up on my character stuff; i'm not familiar enough with the mechanics, and definitely not enough with the etiquette. when presented with an interesting opportunity, i screwed it up because i wasn't familiar enough with obfuscation. the next few rounds took a fairly long time to get through - plenty enough for me to figure out what i should have done.

at least that experience set me up for a better attempt:
i angrily stalked up behind one of our targets, super-focused, cloaked with obfuscate and silence of death. three rounds of stalking towards my prey, desperate to sink my fangs into him and tear him apart.

i grabbed his shoulder, and took a deep bite - out of my thumb. the poor thing was left dangling from my hand... as my target felt the pressure, he jumped forward and *just* managed to be out of range when the giant frog landed on me.

i survived, only slightly crushed into the damp ground... and launched myself at my fleeing prey - catching his foot and taking a good bite into his ankle. i'd managed to draw out some blood before we were both caught by a giant, sticky tongue and swallowed... at least i continued to feed.

that was one hell of a botch. there's a perfectly good explanation for the giant frogs, i promise.

---i was tired, i'd just been aggravated by a couple of arsim on my way home and was about to push my key into the lock when the door flew open with chc cheerfully standing there to welcome me. awkward :/

we decided to do the white night thing together. it was a particularly ratty walk - she's pmsing (admitted) and i wasn't in the mood to hear about how her telepathy is improving. i didn't share my thoughts, because they went along the lines of "you're an idiot".

i met up with a guy from my old unit, who was all excited to see me with hair. i showed off my tongue piercing, but exactly at the moment he was looking elsewhere and i felt a bit foolish waiting for him to notice. meh.

rave awkwardness: the party was pretty damn good! what a pity that chc and her friends ditched me with a guy who'd come a long way to meet her, and i didn't feel comfortable leaving him alone. when we eventually caught up with them and i could make my getaway, i milled around and found a bunch of friends...

at least, i thought they were friends. they weren't being very friendly, and i decided that i didn't need to be treated that way (or ignored) and called it a night. i walked back home contemplating the trance scene in israel: it's not like back home. there's so much "show", posing and politics and stuff that i'm really not interested in. it's difficult to meet people, which is exactly the opposite of what i'm familiar with, and i think my bubble has been burst.

there are some awesome people, of course, but most of the community is better appreciated and loved from a distance.

i stopped for a toasted sandwich, and was thrown a comment by a cute girl as i walked past - why is there always a reason for me not to do anything? why could i not have been feeling well?

i managed to get a good night's sleep, and woke up on time even though i hadn't set an alarm... i was sure i had :P
i went straight to the square with a frisbee (just in case), my ducks and my bubble pipe. nobody arrived. nobody. i wasn't in a happy enough place to enjoy either the ducks or the bubbles - and i tried - so after almost half an hour waiting i went to have breakfast with one of ze germans.

i ran into an old university buddy before she rocked up, and hopefully he's a good contact for work - he was one of the nerdier dudes, and i had to smile when i saw him and his cute girlfriend walk off holding hands :)

when she did arrive we talked about relationships and work and interrogations and grootbek, with the most interesting topic being that most of the others (ze germans) are doing fine career-wise but appear to be lacking in the personal growth department. everyone's doing the same things they've always done, or not much at all - that's kinda sad.

on the way to back home i walked through the square, meeting up with a random bubble-loving geek girl who was headed to the water war. things appeared to be under way, and i decided to sit on the side of the fountain and observe. i used my frisbee to protect the pocket with my phone in it and the girl asked me to look after her bag so that she could get stuck in... it was shaping up to be a pleasant afternoon.

and then the organizers pitched up. one of them stood right next to me and called for everyone to gather around - there were a lot more people in the square than i'd noted. by way of explaining the need for a water war, a man dressed as a turkish flag paddled into the fountain making threatening gestures (so it was a little political). he was soon attacked by another man dressed as an israeli flag, and then war was declared!

the initial moments were complete and utter mayhem. hundreds of people letting loose, flinging buckets of water and screaming righteously - my frisbee offered scant protection. i grabbed the purse and the frisbee and ducked and wove through the crowd to what appeared to be a safe area, the first innocent victim of the war and completely drenched.

at least my phone survived; i hid it under the frisbee. i stood observing with my first full smiles of the day and with gleeful fascination - that initial mayhem didn't die down and more and more people kept arriving, with outlandish costumes and feverish enthusiasm.

---that was when i had the revelation - compounding what had happened the night before. we are social creatures, and we *adore* letting loose and being crazy and loving our fellow man. but that's only really possible when we don't know our fellow man. the second we feel some sense of obligation or requirement aside from mutual respect, it all goes to shit. so it's better for the experience if we can maintain anonymity, but that way we'd never really get to know anyone.

---the geek girl appeared from behind me, saw that i was guarding her purse and breathed a huge sigh of relief - she hadn't seen me duck and had thought that i'd scaled her bag :(
i felt really bad, and i'm not sure how i should have handled it. i actually had to make an effort to convince her to head back in and enjoy herself :(

my ducks were missing. i headed home to put down the frisbee, phone, wallet and bubbles (a lot of people had found my "make love not war" prop amusing) and pick up a water bottle and balloons - i was ready for the daring rescue attempt.

a) i never did find the ducks
b) filling a water balloon ain't easy
c) half filling a water balloon turns it into a bashing weapon, and i didn't need to hit more than one person before realizing that it wasn't a cool thing to throw
d) i had a lot of fun
e) i had a lot of fun in spite of feeling guilty about wasting water - we managed to drop the level of the fountain by about a foot :$

i showered out the chemicals when i got home, and sat down to eat lunch and watch house after taking out trash that had drawn gnats.

[continued... (seriously? after all that?!)]

stressball part i

the last few days - minus yesterday's festivities - have seen me feeling like all of my internal organs are tightly knotted around my sternum. it's mostly to do with work, and facing the realities of my inability to comfortably bring in cash... and that's due to choices i've made, like studying again.
i really hope i don't end up having to compromise.

i began thursday morning at urchin's, having a cup of coffee and then continuing on to lipgirl's. i was on my way home to pick up shoes before heading to work when i decided that breakfast was in order...

---
coffeeholic's owner asked me if i wanted to rent out my apartment to her niece and her boyfriend.

wow! the thought of renting hadn't crossed my mind, and i asked if the amount that lipgirl's landlord wants for the adjoining apartment (almost twice the size of mine) was acceptable: indeed it was. that put me into a bit of a spin; the idea of moving to an area i like, to be neighbours with a girl that i want to see more of and to have more than enough space for myself even if i take in a flatmate (and then i'll be paying much less rent) is only offset by the strangeness of the idea of having other people live in my space...

i must choose. they came to look at the apartment, and seemed really happy with it - of course they did, it's a great apartment :)

---
i spent the day playing with flex, coming home for a quick break and to pay the building maintenance fees. on my way out, chc asked me "is it really that hard to live with me?"
geez.

on my blade back to work i was annoyed by a taxi driver who couldn't take his hand off the horn - it began with a cyclist when i was still a ways off, but then he got onto me when i overtook him. i stopped at the end of the road to stare at him until he went past. i hadn't yet moved when a motorbike almost ran me over, shouting "be careful!".

be careful?! of what? i was standing on the side of the road, and i still don't understand why he had to come within inches of me. *shakes head*

my third night back at work, and our system was overloaded - that meant that i finally got to answer calls. i have now met the basic requirements for my return to the company, and all the rest is optional extra ^_^

during the night i was introduced to a free job search site, and aside from playing with that i found myself floundering a bit with the graphics book. i'll be playing with that tonight, i'm sure some practical application will make things clear.

i came home for a quick shower, then walked to meet up with a couple of the party organizers to pick up the weekend's tickets. i was invited upstairs, and a bunch of us spent the next three hours eating and talking and having a very relaxed time.

i arrived home at 4am, pleased that the door had been locked and distraught to find the telly on. it turns out that i have way more than two rules in my apartment -

• lock the door when you leave
• keep the parquet dry
• don't smoke inside
• don't feed the roaches
• try not to waste electricity or water (although that's a general rule, not an apartment one)
• knives sharp side down

are those unreasonable?

i definitely didn't get enough sleep before heading back to lipgirl's to check out the pad - now i'm excited about it. it's definitely big enough! only the shower's not ideal, everything else is great :)
i'd spent three days trying to organize a ride up north - with no luck. that wasn't helping my stress levels :/
i spent a few minutes on lipgirl's pc, trying to make contact and then trying to rent a car. it was too late for that :(

i returned home to find chc in the mood for a fight, and we let everything fly. how strange, then, to end it with seemingly mutual understanding and a hug!

i went to the sportec to meet up with scrapper and co for some frisbee. we had enough time before the others arrived to play for a bit, and then rest on the grass while discussing the issues of the day... mean grass - that itch is one hell of a defense mechanism :P

i was exhausted, and the heat was too much. i played well, but lethargically. i hadn't eaten anything all day... i was fairly certain i'd pass out on my way home. to circumvent that, i picked up a mars bar and a guarana soft drink on the way: not the best of breakfasts.

i made the last bus to herzeliya, unsuccessfully trying to nap on the way. i arrived there too early, so i stopped at a kiosk and bought juice and a beer - it was as i opened it that someone i'd messaged on facebook called me: "do you have a license?"
"yes!"
"okay, then you can come with us. the girls you're with - are they yours? or are you just travelling together?"

*instant suspicion*
i decided that i didn't care if they were arsim, as long as we had a way to get there. i was friendly, we agreed to speak close to midnight, and all was well...

soon afterwards my cousin arrived to buy cigarettes, and i returned with her to the apartment to crash on the sofa. the classical music was a bit loud for me, so i moved to the balcony and lay about appreciating the stunning sunset until kc's grandparents arrived for dinner.

dinner was grand - too much food, and it was all good. for some reason none of us had very big appetites, which was quite a pity, but the conversation was pleasant and the evening in general was very nice.

---
time to go. time to head back to tel aviv to catch a ride with our "friend". we took a taxi to the shuttles, then a shuttle to tel aviv. we walked to my place, calling him up on the way to finalize the plans:
"hi! we're back in tel aviv, what time are you thinking of leaving?"
"who is this? what are you talking about?"
"am i speaking to kobi?"
"no."
"okay, well, we're going to the party with him. can i speak to him?"
"he's left already"
"what?!"
"yeah."
"and he left his phone with you?!"
"yeah, but he'll be back in twenty minutes."
*sigh*
"oh! okay, then i'll call back in half an hour."
"you do that"

asshole. we came in to find chc lurking about - after a few minutes of awkward semi-pleasantries, the girls crashed and chc and i had a long argument over whether or not she was justified in her anger with some guy she'd had a fling with. i tried to explain to her how attacking him would cause him to become defensive, and that his angry response was not indicative of him being unreasonable or crazy...

when it dawned on me, after about ten minutes of talking in circles, that she'd been looking to me for confirmation and not some attempt at objectivity, i asked if it would make her feel better if i told her whatever she wanted to hear. a few moments later things calmed down.

humans.

around 1.15am, after sending a message and trying to call twice, i gave up. once again: we had a winner. i sent an SOS to a few of the organizers, and one of them called me back - "how soon can you be in a taxi?"

we scrambled, we took a taxi to the central bus station. we arrived there too late for a regular shuttle, and were almost ready to throw our hands in the air when someone else rocked up and we were enough to make privately renting one feasible. we managed to get from NIS 270 (the regular taxi fee) to 200 (renting the special for three people) to 170 (the new guy dropped our price by thirty; it seems a little unfair, but there's no strength to negotiate at 1.40am). the short ride had us in hadera, and our friend was coming to pick us up ^_^

[continued...]

first spring: footnotes and links

[footnotes from previous post]

* the argument was political, but it was more of a meta-argument over the fact that the kid, surrounded almost exclusively by pro-palestinian propaganda, holds opinions yet couldn't be bothered to base them in personally verified fact. he basically talked a load of bollocks, and every time i pointed out a flaw - either logical or factual - he shrugged it off as "don't care".

but he cares enough to be a self-hating jew and extreme relativist. brilliant.

** there's a girl who's been at a lot of the parties i've been to in the last year, and i know she's friendly with a friend of mine, but we've never had any contact. at the party on friday, i noticed her smiling at me while i was blowing bubbles at the side of the dancefloor, and i smiled back - but i'm not sure if that counts as a connection.

she's not really my type, aesthetically speaking, but she seems a nice girl. i walked into the club on monday night, and saw her next to the speaker i always use to place my jacket. she was talking to someone, and i tried catching her eye in a non-obvious manner. that's probably a mistake - the non-obvious part, at least - and i got no response from her, not even a slight indication of recognition.

for the rest of the time i was there we danced close to each other, but without any communication between us whatsoever. that was just weird.

---
here are the links for the last couple of days:

sa news:

hiding the homeless for the world cup

so i'm not clued up with sports - this hermaphrodite business seems a bit rough.

visual:

here are some incredible photos of insects covered in dew

we have tested an proved the ability to genetically modify / correct adults - and away we go!

wp's girlfriend gave me her business card, and it's been sitting on my desk since i returned from sa. yesterday, while tidying up, i finally opened the link: she's amazing!