marching on

[this post brought to you with much enthusiasm (bliss - funksick)]

yesterday:

boy, was i tired yesterday morning. i tried to pass my wallet when i thought the girl next to me was going to take longer than she did... my apologetic response involved quickly moving it out of her way and dropping it behind the driver's seat.

well, shit.

i was still wasted when i walked onto campus; i ran into waldo on the way to my first cup of coffee for a quick and practical chat, then crept into the first lesson. our well-hatted italian lecturer is really amusing: he's got a thing for sheinkin street :P

"universities rarely teach anything new" says he, in a course on british history.
"no shit," i think.

i had lunch with a couple of the girls, then paid wr a visit. we got philosophical (religion). after that a couple of the girls from my second class rocked up and i joined them. they've been complaining that our aforementioned hatter is too demanding and shouldn't expect us to be familiar with the classics... i feel differently. i don't think it's fair to them that the head of their programme didn't think it necessary for them to take the appropriate prep-courses, but it most certainly wouldn't be fair on any of the rest of us to force him to simply ignore all the history.

pg dragged me away from the debate and we sat outside eating doughnuts for a bit.

as life imitates art, i'm beginning to see the hatter as dante. i can totally imagine him stammering over a fantasy instead of talking to the poor girl.

i couldn't stop yawning the entire lesson. the days were catching up with me... one of the girls threw a pack of tissues at me when she saw me wipe my nose with the tail end of a strip of toilet paper i'd grabbed earlier. "sorry. i think i may have served too long" :P

---we got our papers back for the seminar mid-term. ho-ly - shit! i was shocked, amazed and confused to discover that i scored 90% on a paper i was certain wouldn't fetch me as high as 80. i looked at the girl next to me, and she looked at me, and i saw my own surprise reflected back at me. i looked around - everyone.

*breathes*
maybe the other went alright as well? i hope so.

---i hit the labs to print out directions to the wedding... and was politely asked to keep it down. i'm not used to being the annoying idiot :$

i was completely incapable of surviving the holocaust poetry session with my eyes open. at one point i lost the ability to connect the words that everyone was saying... a chocolate break didn't help, water didn't help. i was buggered.

i had a nap on the bus home and was properly woken by the shock of hearing the doors open and realizing i'd arrived and needed to get through others to get out. i quickly got dressed and went to pg's mum's place to wish her a happy birthday, then we found the car and were on our way.

we found the place without too much difficulty, and i got to rest while learning about cat stevens. i don't know if i'm a fan, but it's nice music.

the wedding was pretty cool. i like not being recognized by the people i've just spent almost four years with; there were a couple of guys that i enjoyed seeing, the food was good, nystire, the kinder and i drank a lot of rum and tequila, and all in all it was fun evening.

---i was still kinda drunk by the time we got to pg's, and spent the night dreaming of realistic comic superheroes.

i woke up with a hangover, and decided to join anyway.

once i got home and began to work (no, really, i eventually managed to tear myself away from webcomics long enough) i made a bit of headway (and learned a lot of flash).

i just learned that the chemist has officially left us all, although i don't know if it's because he felt bad about his behaviour or because he was angry about ours. i hope he sorts his shit out in a positive way.

my damned windows installation keeps messing with the system time, and in turn changes the time on my iphone when i connect the two. i couldn't figure out how it was dark by 3pm!

pg called me up to express excitement that it was finally raining. "are you sure? it might just be a burst pipe or something..."
about twenty seconds later i heard the thunder. the thunder was LOUD. it was close. it was closely followed by rain. rain! rain. not a lot of it, but it's a start. could we please have some more???

right. i'm done for the day. it's dinner time.

---i missed the whole infowar thing - i think stuxnet was more interesting.

student day - a taste of home

yesterday:

a bumpy shuttle with a driver who's into his horn – way to go, bright and early morning.

i didn't have much energy for work, so i snuck off a few times during the day to read wired, strum the guitar randomly and take short naps. i don't know if it really bothers me that my copy of wired arrived late this month. at any point in the month it's a welcome breath of fresh air for the brain :)

i went to the base store to get hold of some chocolate, and the kid working there was stuck into a book preparing him for the psychometric exams (the israeli equivalent of the SATs). he started asking me questions about my studies, and i took the opportunity to guide him regarding his choices. he was surprised to hear someone telling him to pick a course of study that interests *him*, and glad to hear that it's not normal to be 100% confident in one's choices – even after the fact.

i think it's important that everyone know that no academic studies, no matter how irrelevant to one's life choices, are wasted.

he got a phone call as the topic moved to zionism, so i left that conversation for another day :P

i thought i was going to have to eat lunch alone, but was suddenly joined by a few of the guys who ignored my call to arms. captain incompetent called me to assign me yet another task that he should have done, and the dinner conversation turned to how much the kinder and i can't stand him and his uselessness.
in fact, if he was merely useless it would be alright; the problem is that he's actually a hindrance to our section's efforts to succeed.

nystire's previous TL held her unit farewell after lunch, and it was one hell of a spread. she even organized marshmallows and guava juice especially for me :)
during the speeches, which were all fairly lengthy, an amusing thought struck me. vyomanaut had been going on for quite a while, so i entered the door code – surprising everyone with the door's buzzing as i tapped my watch at him.
luckily it didn't bother him too much, but i was a bit embarrassed and i felt myself turn a bright shade of red :$

i finally sat down at my desk with intent to get something done, when i was surprised by one of the secretaries walking in and beginning to vacuum. i mean, why would that bother me?

i went to the doctor – having waited two days for an appointment – only to discover that i didn't need a referral to see a dermatologist. i love how useful information travels so freely throughout the system :/

i was disappointed to receive a call letting me know that the interview i was getting excited for would be moved to monday... i was looking forward to it. in retrospect, though, that turned out to be a very positive thing – i was in time to meet wr and his girlfriend at tel aviv university's student day, and we had a grand time smoking nargila and talking stuff and nonsense over an acceptable excuse for whiskey.

when they left, i went to see eatliz perform, then milled around for a bit before heading home.

---since wednesday night i've been very conscious of the fact that once again, i've relaxed my guard and my upper back muscles. do i need to memento myself, tattooing little reminders all over my body?

---how long have i been taking myself so seriously? taking life so seriously?

i suddenly realized something about my attitude yesterday: it's as if, a little over ten years ago, i stepped through the wardrobe and entered narnia. all of this is real, the adventure with its trials and tribulations, joys and jubilations, but at some point i'm going to find my way back to the wardrobe and step back through it – and suddenly be 19 years old again and with my entire life on this side of it as ephemeral as a dream.

also in moderation

... continued from previous post.

[this post begun bouncy with m.d.p.c - dosenoeffner]
i'll begin with another mention of just how strained my eyes are: i find it absolutely pathetic that my vision is this fuzzy without my glasses at the moment.

---i had a fight with my sort-of-previous TL, one that got us both pretty riled. i probably shouldn't have loudly and forcefully referred to him and our SC as absolute morons in front of the kids. eventually we managed to more-or-less clear up the misunderstandings, agreeing to disagree about the value of my time. assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups? it's all he bases his opinions on.

i fell asleep tweaking comments according to the advice given in an arbitrary issue of the msdn magazine (i didn't know they had one), and was sleeping so beautifully until someone buzzed the door to send a fax. the fax machine being broken, that was a completely unnecessary panic-attack. sitting at the entrance to the unit commander's office is not a positive experience.

lunchtime amusement with nystire: an old and brilliant story i remember reading on segfault.org about a guy who was an absolute genius or a complete asshole, maybe both, and reflecting on how to lose calories effectively (specifically no. 2 on the list).

i got to doing a bit of work, and was interrupted by our SC who took me aside for the chat. i'm surprised at how well it went, and we seem to have reached an understanding. i've explained to him that i'm not the happiest camper and that i want out, but also that if i have a job to do i'll do it and i'd appreciate being allowed to managed my own time. he let me know that they've been making an effort to get me on my way, and that until then they do appreciate the work i'm doing.

we seem to be all good, then.

i finally got perl installed on my machine, and began learning it from scratch (again). it's a good to know, for sure, but i'm not going to be converting from c anytime soon :P

wr and i had a number of conversations during the day - he called me up to ask if i was interested in a free ticket to a production in the area, and after a couple of updates he then called me up to apologize for the ticket being non-existent. great.

i developed an incredibly intense case of the munchies (i'd barely consumed anything the entire day), and was horrified to discover that our local cafeteria was closed. all that i could find was the remains of nutella and cornflakes, so i poured in the cornflakes and was pleasantly surprised at just how delicious it was ^_^

---the shuttle driver complained about the illegality of the place we asked for me to be dropped off at, then stopped somewhere way worse, and further away from where i needed to be :/

[i've been on a very odd diet since yesterday evening. i've got another five days to go. i hate thinking about food.]

i was reminded by my mother that it has been eight and seven years respectively since my grandmother and my uncle passed away... a lot has happened in that time. i went searching for an evening prayer service when i got home, but i was unfortunately too late :(

i decided to go for a run. the dean's son arrived shortly after i'd eaten, and during our first hour i got a vague idea of where he's at and set him his first task. it seemed like he "got" me, but i can only hope.

i was on time for the rollerblading group, and i was in AMAZING spirits. the group was fantastic, and when we weren't sprinting long stretches we were chatting and having a great time. i've discovered that a large number of them are currently writing exams to be inducted into the new police rollerblading unit, and am highly amused :)

i got home, and until hitting the shower i was focused on trying to organize munchkin games for all those who never get around to playing. this is Important Stuff, you know.

---hard wake up.
i saw it coming, though. and at least our SC picked me up at a [ha! relatively] reasonable time. on the radio a woman screamed about how parents compete in giving gifts to their kids that aren't appreciated, and usually don't deserve to be. i quite agree.
we picked up a couple of guys, fortunately for us the smelly one from last time wasn't of the first three waiting.

the kinder's been waiting a long time to go to thailand, and there's a chance he may be forced to cancel his ticket. i probably shouldn't rub his nose in it, but when almost all of our communication is humorously based on saying terrible things to each other it's hard not to.

i made some headway with the perl script until lunch. i mentioned to nystire that i couldn't eat vegetables, and he gave my plate a quizzical look and asked me why i'm eating couscous if it's vegetable. we actually argued about it before i discovered that he was classifying it in terms of "animal, vegetable, mineral".

*shakes head*

the chicken was dry and tasteless, too. on our way to the central store, we had a fight about slander which left a bad taste in my mouth, and i was arguing in defence of people i don't particularly care for nor think highly of. there are some statements that are simply not okay to pass on.

another moment of confusion, because i couldn't recall whether or not corn was on the list of things i can't eat. it was, but as a suggested food :P
i bought nutella and cornflakes.

the heat was unbearable, and it took a while to cool down once we were back in our building. shortly after settling down, i was called upon to assist in soaking idiot-girl to congratulate her on her promotion. we stood calmly chatting outside, and when she (having been conned) walked outside we caught her completely by surprise :D

the girl who spent most of the afternoon in my office (having trouble with the photocopier, apparently) was very happy that my ipod was having an avril lavigne day. i've never heard it play so many songs by the same artist in such close proximity before :P

i'm beginning to like taxi violence.

nystire and i had a quick-and-dirty training in the corridor. it would've been better if i hadn't picked the wrong tracksuit pants, they simply didn't allow much flexibility :/

last thought for the workday: some guy getting upset with me for not being familiar with my unit commander's calendar and taking my name. i'm not authorized to access his calendar, so i wish him the best of luck in whatever angry action he wishes to take.

the shuttle home was pleasant, half the ride i spent chatting about university with a girl who's being released within one day of my official date, and the other i spent tucked in an un-air-conditioned corner [much less uncomfortable] kipping.

---i've been online since i arrived back home. i should nap a bit. i'm not sure if i want to go to gn1's birthday party.

[post closed to daydin - dance with me]

---i'm not familiar with lady gaga; bad romance is a pretty cool video.

cheese advert: my sister finds some really cool stuff sometimes :)

men without hats - safety dance: have i never seen this before? it's genius!

i haven't heard a lot of good about it, but from the promo (obviously, yeah, i know) the ipad looks pretty cool. just putting that out there.

i missed the oscars. and i'm never ashamed. this year in particular.

i just ordered the annotated alice [i was irked by the audacity of the algebra op-ed] and dr horrible's sing-along blog. i didn't know that my copy of the name of the wind hadn't been sent yet, so it was a lucky click that brought me to that discovery.

you can combine orders? sweet! :)

more stuff i didn't know about japan. no eating and walking? bugger.

anti-valentine

i quickly post before hopping to the comfort to jump around a bit, still waking up from what was supposed to be a power nap on the couch and felt more like a nightmare on the couch - imaginary creepy-crawlies eating me and not even managing to complete watching the colour of magic.

now i need to bounce even more to make up for it.

---i *just* missed the bus this morning, but was fortunate to make the second bus and was only five minutes late to meet with our pointy-haired boss, who was kind enough to wait for me.

for someone who'd slept only two and a half hours after feeling terrible all weekend, i was doing just fine. breakfast with nystire was alright, and was completed by brownies one of my virtual team-mates made (i'm not certain how i fit in organizationally anymore). i spent the morning chatting [including to wr, who surprised me with a call] and practising with the guitar.

[i paid a visit to the doctor, and walked out having received both good news and bad news]

---i heard that one of the base discipline officer's cronies (a civilian "contractor") was holding one of our soldiers' id cards, and took offence. it's not only an illegal thing to take place from both sides, it's bloody stupid because without it a soldier on duty's got problems. i walked into his office, and asked him to show me the directive that makes his action legitimate.

"it's definitely okay, don't worry."
"show me."
"they're doing it on other bases, too."
"then that needs fixing. show me."
"okay, okay. here - i'm sending an email to verify."

i got him to cc that email to us, and if he can't back it up he's in deep shit. *and* i'll file a personal complaint, i don't like it when people lie to me. i don't like it at all.

---lunch wasn't particularly good, and the effects were felt almost immediately. i was still a bit lost (swimming in a sea of slipping consciousness as my digestive system was taxed to the max) when gn1 called. it had taken me forever to formulate an appropriate sms.

it then took forever for us to get through a breakup talk that was really painful for both of us. i think more for her than me, though. she had me feeling like a bit of a heel, actually.

i got a terrible haircut - counting off one closer to the last i'll have in the army - and was surprised by what appears to be the new trend. for the first time, i managed to explain to the guy not to "tidy" my fringe and temples and be understood. he didn't even try to trim them. however, without warning he swiped a blade between my eyebrows and temples - an area i definitely didn't need touching. frack, next they're going to start offering bikini waxes and shit.

...

i gave nyah-nyah her first guitar lesson, which went well. my TL rocked up, and discovered that the cd i needed to begin working was already sitting on the keyboard next to me, so i could've been productive from the morning already. if the idiot who'd organized it had *said* something about it to us, it might've been useful.

before setting up my new pc, i went shopping for myself, nystire and the kinder - i managed to leave wearing my undershirt and jacket only (regarding the top half of my uniform), and i'm really lucky that the discipline officer didn't catch me shirtless. especially after the morning's incident :/
i'd also forgotten that there aren't any plastic bags at the local, so i had quite a time trying to carry all the orders at once :P

setting up was amusing, i'm now sitting at the unit commander's secretary's desk. the makes all of us feel awkward. at one point i had to return a cable to nystire, and i threw it at him from the other side of his partition shouting "snake!" - which suitably freaked him out :)

a quick chat about the breakup with my TL in earshot, and he made a very good suggestion. on it, i've written a short list of the basic criteria for any girl i date, and i should probably [not] present it to any potential suitor in the form of a written questionnaire.

it poured with rain most of the day, and a few of us were caught in it trying to leave the base. as soon as the rain slowed, the sun came out for a gorgeous sunset. i went past dizengoff on the way home, bought a costume for tomorrow's base celebration (i'm dressing as a spy), and walked home (again in the rain) to try to nap before going out.

now i'm going out :)

humidity rising

i thought yesterday's was bad... today was disgusting. i felt like the wickedest witch of the west after the bucket hits her. and being in uniform didn't help, either.

speaking of which, the feeling i got from the man in the suit today was positive. i'm praying that he's as honest as he comes across.

[i've never heard of anyone being told "TMI" in these situations]

[john milton - paradise lost: book ii, 236..249 - it's frightening how appropriate these verses are to both my current situation and my general outlook on life]

on the way to meet the man, the bastard bus driver "did me a favour" and told me i'd reached my stop about ten icky minutes' walk (and a slight navigational error) away; i found out when i left that the line stops right outside.

i made it back in time for the presentation of hive (tahoma was surprised), and lunch. we have a new kid who's hysterically unwittingly funny (he's trying to establish himself... badly...), and i was still giggling when i picked up the soup ladle. if i'd stopped to take a breath maybe i wouldn't have dropped it in the soup tureen :$

when we got back, it was time to hogtie and dowse the kinder, the cadet and the new kid (all at once). we were all having a raucous, grand old time - right until the unit commander appeared and put a stop to it.
even the victims were disappointed, it's a sign of respect. i had a go at the guy in charge for not checking beforehand that the unit commander was otherwise occupied.

i returned to an inbox containing a couple of mails between me and a kid with whom i share mutual disgust... someone else had been cutting and pasting mails to make it look like the two of us were having an online altercation. i sent a very serious threat (which i *really* hope nobody pushes me to carry out) to deal with any further forgeries in an official manner. that will not be fun.

our entire unit was subjected to a presentation, one of the highlights being that someone was written about and somebody else's picture was displayed - causing mass hysterics and embarrassing the person responsible no end. the picture was of someone with the same name as mine, and later on our pointy-haired boss came to my desk to make a joke about my picture being splashed all over the place... maybe i shouldn't have climbed into him for not recognizing me, as usual... [it was one of the points i raised a couple of weeks ago: he can't differentiate between us at all]

nystire and i have been pretty good about exercising every day! today was really sweaty.

i've been introducing another section's commander to the israeli indie scene after he expressed interest, and i've continued to bring him discs even though his positive responses seemed a little off... i realized today that he's really not into any of it. oh, well.

on the way home i was hit by two giant inspiration particles. then i went shopping, and came back feeling even more inspired. and then these two happened:
"i don't care if they *DO* call themselves heinz, mustard is NOT supposed to turn into juice"
"when בגל'ה go bad" [bagelleh, pretzels]

i'm back judging indie rock; squid hit the semi-finals ^_^

nap-time, then heading off to spinnit's to watch a movie. it's the 9th of av, a severe mourning day so we won't be going out. almost everything's closed, anyway.

i miss the animaniacs; i think i'm gonna buy a dvd or two.

if nobody ate meat...

then nobody would raise cattle. therefore we can infer that if you were to reduce your personal red-meat consumption by fifteen percent, less cattle would be raised, which would reduce carbon-emissions.
- my glorious team leader

one really super-awesome thing about the bus station at 6.30am: super-awesome if you love flies, that is...

i spent my morning bleary-eyed and struggling with c# - the event system is so convoluted that while i've got sound logic on an incredibly useful tool i've written, i can't make all the functionality available because the events begin calling themselves... in spite of my having built in fail-safes.

*grumble*

i blame both parties for the prang we were in this afternoon - the driver of our car wasn't scanning obsessively while reversing, and the other driver was a complete **** who inserted his car neatly behind ours a) at an odd angle and b) when it was obvious that we were reversing (the motion and the lights are a bit of a give-away, i think).

i'm shocked that i had an appetite, actually - i got the next phone call. tomorrow isn't a big day, as such, but it is portentous.

while the morning was okay, the afternoon saw me incapable of coherent speech and physically unable to keep my eyes open - that's after two post-lunch cups of coffee (strong, black as usual) and even a couple of energy bars :S

we went off to see the kinder's promotion, with pleasant, dreamy music in the beginning and then der kommissar to wake us up when we neared the place. it was a nice ceremony, although the major handling it looked a bit... mmmm... empty.

the humidity was unbearable on the way home (it still is). i sat down to make a mess with the last mango, and am about to crash for an hour before rollerblading :)

survival of the week

wake-up yesterday was a far sight better than wednesday! i didn't even need coffee, let alone the energy drink :) [although i took it with, just in case]

i actually enjoyed working again yesterday, and got a lot done. i even managed to sneak in an hour on a project whose lack of completion has been embittering me for months. in fact, the only downer of the day was coming up against the wall of visual studio 2008's network security management: why can't it just use the user's rights automatically?

i've been focused on a sort of a diet that i'm not quite sticking to. i definitely need to exercise this belly off! at least i can be proud of myself that the two guys i've been doing push-ups and sit-ups with weren't in and i still did mine... usually the lack of external influence brings about the "gym contract effect".

i know that the kinder has received the gooey package, because he sent an sms asking me to thank everyone and letting me know that he hadn't opened it yet. i'm going nuts, i can't wait to hear his response!!

i went to the bank, but the interest rates have dropped to the point where i'd need another 200k to earn .1%. apparently i'm not the only person passing on that one.
i bought a non-slip mat for the shower... and managed to get it right! now not only am i not worried about sliding, but i get a foot massage at the same time :)
i went to buy a spare battery for my cellphone, but they didn't have in stock. so i bought a super-funky orange-spiralled phone cover instead.

my fingers and my guitar are beginning to talk ^_^

i slept for an hour and a half, and the trauma of getting out of bed after midnight more than made up for the morning's ease :/
wr and friends picked me up and we went to a fetish party. the music was excellent - there weren't very many people though, and only about ten actual fetishists... i only caught one "show", which i found to be kinda sad. at least a perfect circle - hollow playing in the background was appropriate.

we missioned off to the party at helga, had a lot of fun and more booze, then went back to the fetish party and walked in to tool - eulogy, for which i was in an absolutely perfect place and mood and mindset - that actually made my night. we left a few songs and a bit of rum later, back to helga where i *think* ptsd finally got the idea that we're not, haven't been and won't be sleeping together.

wr offered the mystery girl a lift home this morning, so i now know her name and the fact that although she looks early-to-mid 20's she actually 36... he's now quite smitten :P

i'm trying to decide how to begin my day... my neck's quite sore from the last few days' action and i'm always too lazy to clean, but it's needed.

this is how i feel

<rant>
i woke up angry this morning, and i don't know who i'm angry with. i've been dating singer for two months, and it's been good. i haven't found anything wrong with her, i enjoy spending time with her, the sex is fantastic (and wow, it feels like years since i've been able to say that) and she can deal with all my crap. heck, i even like her friends and family!

the problem is that i've become more and more frustrated at my own apathy and lack of enthusiasm. i know that i need to be with someone who gets my heart racing and puts my brain in a different gear, and that's the only thing i don't find in her.

the most pathetic thing in this whine of mine is that the only possible cause for me to feel this way is that aesthetically she's not exactly what i'm looking for, but i think i've mentioned before that at the end of the day i'm a shallow asshole.
</rant>

and now back to the weather. i've actually been walking around with a notebook and pen in civvies to make sure that i haven't lost track of things.



wednesday night:

i slept well, woke up slowly, and came extremely close to missing the bus. i managed to make the shuttle, and when i arrived on base i got straight back to work... however, when my TL came in he rearranged all my priorities and set me to doing a personal review of a project i was involved in in june.

he told me it would take an hour, and it now looks like i might be done halfway through sunday. i've informed him that the second i'm finished i'm going to begin writing a personal review of the reviewing process, because quite frankly it's silly to do something like this so long after the fact, and because i didn't know i'd need to do it before i didn't save any of the information that could have helped me :S

over lunch i got into a really silly conversation with the kinder. soldiers whose parents live far north or south get to leave base early on thursdays and arrive late on sundays, so if my mother lives in south africa why shouldn't i fall into that category? it's really far south. and if i leave on thursday straight to the airport, i can make it to cape town in time for friday night supper and go out on the town with my friends. if i leave cape town just after lunch, i can be back in tel aviv in time to go home, change, and return to base before 10am. good plan, no?

so when i got back into my office i wrote a long and serious request [with a post script requesting assistance with the $1000 per week flight cost], and send it off to the pointy-haired boss. the truth is that as stupid a thing to do as it was, narrative imperative demanded it. if my commander had been feeling particularly cynical he could have sent it up the hierarchy and i could have been in trouble, but instead he responded in the affirmative with a smile :)

during another conversation with the kinder i called him an asshole, to which he responded: "asshole, asshole, at least i don't have any worries"... wow.

i managed to get a ride to the closing ceremony for my previous unit's officer's course, and it was great seeing everyone and watching so many friends being promoted. i also got an opportunity to speak to my first branch commander, and he had some very interesting advice on how to deal with my rank problems.

i got a ride to the bus stop afterwards, during which i shoved the driver's girlfriend forward and told her to keep her head down.
"what are you doing?"
"a large spider just crawled around to your side of the headrest."
*panic attack*
"no, no, it's not a fat spider, just long-legged. i'm sure it'll come back my way."
*looks*
"it's HUGE!"
then the spider spindled its way around, and i gave it a shove with my knee. i don't know if i killed it, but it fell between my legs - i told her it had become my problem, and the rest of the drive was relaxed.

i arrived at mike's place around 7.30pm, and sat for about 40 minutes alone before my team-mates arrived. this time one of the waitresses actually noticed me (really cute girl), so i had a beer in the meanwhile and began scribbling in my notebook.

in charge
the doctor says i'm fine
but i know that something's wrong
my body's broken, my mind's torn
i've been elsewhere far too long

if i can't trust myself
can i trust in you instead?
when everyone's a stranger
can i trust you with my head?

everything's gone quiet
everything's gone numb
everyone's on diet
everyone is dumb

the goblin feast has freed the beast
he stuffs himself till he chokes
alarmed and frantic, he can't stop
he'll keep going till he croaks

did your parents beat you, make you cry,
touch you, scare you, scar you?
did you get them good, gain their respect,
or did their deaths betray you?

the clock will stop
and all will die
the roaches and
the flies on high

but i'll be here
in my comfy chair
marshmallows and pickled things
sharing my mind's lair

if i remain silent
nod my head and clasp my hands
all will be revealed to me
they're tales of faraway lands

of misery
of pain
of cruelty
of shame

i'm the tiny unbeliever
stop telling all those lies
i'm the giant comprehender
confide in me
i will hear your cries

singer arrived, and due to a misunderstanding we all got into a long debate about religion and the need for it, but i was really tired and had had too much to drink (and eat, their club sandwich is a killer) after a long week. eventually we all said goodbye, and singer and i walked to a bar called susu, a funky little place that wasn't too far away.

it was crasher's birthday party, and aside from spot there were a number of uninteresting people there. we stayed for one drink, and then headed back home. what i've described at the beginning of this post was playing strong, and i was contrary and unhappy and argumentative and not at all nice, in addition to being too damn tired to walk and speak at the same time. i was broken.

after saying goodbye to singer in the morning, i went to get passport photos taken on the way to the bank. as i was paying some american immigrant came in looking for a cellphone - never an easy thing to give to a stranger. as it turned out, some ethiopian kid (i'm guessing around 18) got run over by a motorcycle, and not only did the rider flee, but this poor kid walked two full blocks bleeding and incoherent without a single person offering to help.

shocking.

we called an ambulance, tried our best to keep him calm and protect him from other helpful idiots (one in particular who wanted to drag the already traumatized lad into a taxi, and succeeded in making him cry: the only response we'd gotten from him aside from eyeball-rolling until then). i stayed until the paramedics managed to figure out how to get him into the ambulance, and then walked off wondering how i could deal with a situation like that better in the future. this "review" thing's still going, apparently.

i found a decent umbrella for a decent price on my way to the bank, unfortunately that meant carrying it through my missioning which was a pain. the kind of jokes security guards make about brollies as weapons don't really appeal to me.

i passed the same place i bought my wallet a few weeks ago, and went in to discover that they have a white version that's ideal for my needs. i was upset about the fact that i didn't notice it last time, and the owner gave me a discount for the repeat business - he was actually quite satisfied that we're of the same opinion regarding the granny coin-purse and its inappropriateness for anyone with any testosterone in their system.

on the way to get a hole put in so that i could transfer my chain, i walked into a shoe-store claiming a sale with up to 60% off... and walked out with a nice pair of adidas that really was cheap at the price :)

i was almost home when i discovered that for a year we've been living right next door to a gym that looks fairly decent, and we've never noticed it. i think i might be giving it a try, the hours are good, and the price seems fair.

the kid's father gave me a ride to dizengoff center, where i met up with the mongoose and we did some comic shopping. my order (since may) still hasn't arrived, and the bastard shoved a really interesting slaine TPB into my hands. i called him a fucker, he laughed and they raped my new wallet.

every time. i'll never learn :/

the second comic store was boring. we split up, i went to meet up with one of ze germans at a bar that turns into a fashion display every couple of weeks. it was all very awkward, including seeing the austrian girl again and again not recognizing the girl who works there before she recognized me :$

i stopped at coffeeholic for a roast-beef salad, walked my iced-coffee home (i felt the need to treat myself), and it's taken me an hour and a half to clear my mail, facebook, transfer and play with my photos, and write all this down. now i'm off to singer's to share my frustration with her. i don't honestly want to be doing this.