slowdown

the psychological space i'm in is a little warped by the fact that i'm no longer employed. on tuesday i went in to the office and was greeted by silence - the cfo (who is formally hr as well) didn't interpret the cto's email as firing me and megaman certainly wasn't looking forward to chatting. after sitting with the cfo and aota for a bit we established the chain of events and i explained my take on everything - everything - and i was told to take the day off and wait to be contacted in the morning.

i finished up something that cheshire cat lady needed help with and left, on my way out passing darn and his crew - it looks like the new hire is just as much a plant as the rest of them. that probably requires a bit of explanation, but sod it.

i woke up late yesterday morning and pleasurably relaxed about it, but spent the day not doing anything as the hours flitted by and i wasn't called in. in the late afternoon i finally received an email telling me to come in this morning, but then later received an update saying 3pm.

the good news from the rumour-mill is that they're not going to be dicks about this - apparently everyone (except megaman) would like us to end our relationship on good terms.

---tuesday:

the tone of my morning changed considerably when i received a response to my midnight memo informing me that my position is appreciated and that so is my professionalism under the circumstances. that was quite uplifting coming from someone who'd just sent me an "i have nothing left to say" mail. i'm very glad i removed the parts of the memo in which i described megaman as incompetent and lacking integrity.

on the metro home i was with two of the guys who're supposed to fight tomorrow night, but unfortunately one of them scored a concussion sparring so he's out... what a bummer :(

it took me tuesday and wednesday to get my netbook running ubuntu into a usable state, with a little help from nystire and advice from overclocker. nystire took the opportunity to inform me that the big air force project that the two of us worked on together has been solely attributed to captain incompetent and our names dropped entirely, along with that of the systems engineer we collaborated with. to add injury to insult, captain incompetent will be getting a significant salary increase because of this.

not impressed.

i finished watching indie game: the movie and i have to say that it's not only entertaining but a bit inspirational as well. i think it does a good job of contrasting the attitudes of its subjects.

after a round of planning follow-up dates and a couple of phone calls, i figure it's time to come up with a nickname for the girl i'm seeing - is that premature? i hope not. turns out all the obvious ones were pigeonholing, so i arrived at "tilt" which is part secretive acronym and part how she makes me feel :P

---speaking of phone calls: i'm very glad that my mother's self-aware enough to recognize when she's overdoing the concerned mother thing :)

it's funny, but everyone seems concerned for me - which is very nice, don't get me wrong - and meanwhile i'm feeling pretty good about a horrible situation finally being resolved. and about having some me-time!!! gods how i need this. i've even been making time for duolingo.

---as i had plenty of tuesday left, i went to the gym early. aside from half an hour resting during which i discovered that due to metric / imperial system confusion i've actually been consuming about half of the protein i need (0.8g per POUND. why would they mix systems like that?!), i trained hard for about five hours and i'm still very tender two days later. okay, maybe doing solid boxing while still tender exacerbated things.

regardless, my jiu-jitsu is much improved after i worked with that super-flexible girl again, it's so much harder to submit her that once you "get" it submitting normal people is a cinch. kickboxing was decent, but my chest has been feeling tight for the last week and i'm not sure i'm getting enough oxygen... resting or training...

i watched marc maron - thinky pain over a delicious salad (seriously, how am i doing this?!) and it's difficult to call what he does an act. some of it's hysterical, but most of it is touchingly honest and i was less amused than empathetic.

---yesterday:

tender shins and tender muscles. in particular my upper / middle back muscles - i really need to focus on those.

i watched a fair amount of ufc while upgrading my netbook, including the silva / weidman fight which was disappointing even though it had been spoiled already.

there's nothing like the struggle of heavy shopping to make you feel like your boxing class was a success. we did conditioning at the end, and i was working with a guy who's pretty solid. after a few seconds i heard the instructor yell at me: "what is that? i wanna see a proper liver shot!"

so i obliged. and my poor partner crumpled :D
i didn't feel too bad, though, because i was up next.

another excellent salad and some more ufc, then vfmp came over for some tekken; he won the final battle, at least... i'm not sure how to encourage him without seeming condescending.

---i may have teared up a little at this wedding proposal. in case you're wondering why i'm sharing.

the gselevator guide to being a man (thanks, airplane) is pretty solid. and fun to read.

student day - a taste of home

yesterday:

a bumpy shuttle with a driver who's into his horn – way to go, bright and early morning.

i didn't have much energy for work, so i snuck off a few times during the day to read wired, strum the guitar randomly and take short naps. i don't know if it really bothers me that my copy of wired arrived late this month. at any point in the month it's a welcome breath of fresh air for the brain :)

i went to the base store to get hold of some chocolate, and the kid working there was stuck into a book preparing him for the psychometric exams (the israeli equivalent of the SATs). he started asking me questions about my studies, and i took the opportunity to guide him regarding his choices. he was surprised to hear someone telling him to pick a course of study that interests *him*, and glad to hear that it's not normal to be 100% confident in one's choices – even after the fact.

i think it's important that everyone know that no academic studies, no matter how irrelevant to one's life choices, are wasted.

he got a phone call as the topic moved to zionism, so i left that conversation for another day :P

i thought i was going to have to eat lunch alone, but was suddenly joined by a few of the guys who ignored my call to arms. captain incompetent called me to assign me yet another task that he should have done, and the dinner conversation turned to how much the kinder and i can't stand him and his uselessness.
in fact, if he was merely useless it would be alright; the problem is that he's actually a hindrance to our section's efforts to succeed.

nystire's previous TL held her unit farewell after lunch, and it was one hell of a spread. she even organized marshmallows and guava juice especially for me :)
during the speeches, which were all fairly lengthy, an amusing thought struck me. vyomanaut had been going on for quite a while, so i entered the door code – surprising everyone with the door's buzzing as i tapped my watch at him.
luckily it didn't bother him too much, but i was a bit embarrassed and i felt myself turn a bright shade of red :$

i finally sat down at my desk with intent to get something done, when i was surprised by one of the secretaries walking in and beginning to vacuum. i mean, why would that bother me?

i went to the doctor – having waited two days for an appointment – only to discover that i didn't need a referral to see a dermatologist. i love how useful information travels so freely throughout the system :/

i was disappointed to receive a call letting me know that the interview i was getting excited for would be moved to monday... i was looking forward to it. in retrospect, though, that turned out to be a very positive thing – i was in time to meet wr and his girlfriend at tel aviv university's student day, and we had a grand time smoking nargila and talking stuff and nonsense over an acceptable excuse for whiskey.

when they left, i went to see eatliz perform, then milled around for a bit before heading home.

---since wednesday night i've been very conscious of the fact that once again, i've relaxed my guard and my upper back muscles. do i need to memento myself, tattooing little reminders all over my body?

---how long have i been taking myself so seriously? taking life so seriously?

i suddenly realized something about my attitude yesterday: it's as if, a little over ten years ago, i stepped through the wardrobe and entered narnia. all of this is real, the adventure with its trials and tribulations, joys and jubilations, but at some point i'm going to find my way back to the wardrobe and step back through it – and suddenly be 19 years old again and with my entire life on this side of it as ephemeral as a dream.