more buck for my bang

i'm going to start with the bit that i still haven't internalized: it's kinda weird news.

let's start with the immigration lawyer: the lawyer costs a bomb even though we paid substantially less than the full fee; at that price she didn't even get to go over our forms. she just sent us a list of things we need to give her to review, and that list included a super-critical form that doesn't appear anywhere on the immigration website. she also told us what we have to write on the envelope. apparently this is an important detail and we'd written the wrong thing. in my defence, i wrote precisely what the guy on duty at the ministry had told me to.

instead of completely redoing the application, we fired off an email to the ministry with the new form and an explanation that we'd fouled up the envelope, what we got in return was a reassuring phone call and helpful instruction. part of the instruction has to do with the salary offered: in order to hire a foreign worker, the company must pay the provincial average salary for the posting / experience level of the applicant.

there was a sensation of "oh, shit" when i was informed that i've accepted (and gratefully so) a lot less than average, and we're talking about enough of a margin that the difference could cover most of a year's tuition at graduate level over here. the sensation wasn't a positive one because everyone up the chain would have to approve the new salary or the entire deal would be off.

i tend to lose confidence in that sort of situation.

and then... relief! i have been given the impression that this will not be a problem. so while i'm not going to be totally relaxed until i actually walk across the border with papers in hand - otherwise they could agree to pay me millions and it would mean nothing - but the outlook on both counts, future employer and the province, is really, really good. it's very exiting stuff!

---thursday and friday:

the weather over the past couple of days has been a little too warm: here in montreal the word "balmy" is used when the temperature rises above -5. no jokes, i find myself opening my jacket and removing my tuque if there's no wind to bring relief. hands feel the cold if they're not protected, but that's about it. it's been so warm that i've actually opened a window, and slept with just a sheet: wtf?!

on thursday i walked into the office to find the snow / salt stains on the floor cleaned and my shoes neatly placed on a small square of a black plastic bag. how sweet :)

in the office, i've been feeling like my hands are tied. i can't work until i have my permit, and there's so much i want to do and get involved in and play with! it's exciting and pleasurable and frustrating all at once.

in the meanwhile, i've been messing about with my own little projects and one of them involves using curl and jira apis. i couldn't figure out what the problem was, and tried everything, and then suddenly yesterday morning i had an epiphany and realized that the issue was security configuration, not software. this led me through a chain of fixes from which emerged a solution so much bigger, better and easier than what i'd previously planned that i ended my day well pleased with myself.

i woke up on friday morning early for a long skype meeting with sorter and -someone. i was five minutes late, -someone was about twenty. the meeting went better than i anticipated but i'm still left with not much faith that anything's going to happen.

i don't know why, but i suddenly felt distant with pg over the past two days. it's better now, but it was disquieting.

playing through on the rain-slick precipice of darkness on the ipad, even if it's the second time because saves are shared between devices, is nothing short of grand! i'm not a fan of their d-pad implementation, but it's not a big deal. i do feel a bit awkward about the ipad in general, though: between games and wired magazine i'm getting great use out of it, but pg's just not getting into it. at least i know she's got the hang of reading comics.

---this morning, i woke up three times from three vivid dreams, each connected somehow to the last.
1. i return to sea point with SxS and ru55 from a party on the same morning SxS and i have to fly. i get ready with the help of pg but SxS is nowhere to be found, i'm late for the flight, i can't find my passport anywhere and nobody can help me print my ticket.

2. walking down to an alternate mouille point on a long road. i help an old indian woman (dots, not feathers) and we start talking, then we're walking along a bridge past the most intensely beautiful scene: i look to my right straight up a giant, calm river flowing through a vast, golden city of skyscrapers. i stop to take a photo and somehow i can see below the waterline, where there are giant turtles swimming downriver towards the bridge and then turning sharply to follow it giving me great turning shots, but now when i look up the bridge seems infinitely long and is slowly sinking. the two of us continue hurriedly, i'm holding my phone above the waterline and eventually, when the water reaches my neck, we give up and swim.

3. i'm on a hollywood-like college campus and it's a gorgeous day for skiing, so everyone's getting ready. but i'm having trouble finding my gear.
then i'm with a family and we're getting ready for the bus to the slopes: they've brought me my gear and i'm expected to hurriedly put it all on because the bus is leaving. we're dressing in a glass booth on the edge of a square where some kind of celebration is going on; the announcer conflates new year's with [the weekend? i don't remember] and suddenly the square explodes with a powerful house beat that makes it difficult to do anything but dance like a wild thing. only the younger members of the family get me. we drag ourselves away to find the bus.

---i caught a link from hido yesterday morning to tri-force Live at ageha 24.03.2012, and i've had it playing while posting this. what a groovy, adrenaline-filled mix!

to quote scrapper on extra credits - god does not play dice: "it's a unique feeling, to hear someone state your own opinion, especially when it's one that you've had such trouble expressing, and when he does it so well."

dramatic return

pg's back! but the story of her return wasn't an entirely happy one. in fact, it was quite traumatic.

---yesterday:

i got up slowly, and was supposed to meet with sorter and -someone online, but they were both ignoring me. it turned out that one was sleeping and the other had (usefully) turned skype's notifications off.

i wasted some time labelling blog posts (as opposed to tidying up a bit), and walked out into a beautiful, sunny, warm -5 day without pavement access. i spent my morning playing with css (my favourite, he says sarcastically), chatted with SxS, and enjoyed vegan cookies that newk'd made.

i left early with a smile, for the magnificent weather and the exciting knowledge that pg would be back soon. i helped a little old lady over a snow-pile and onto the pavement, and entered the metro.

egads - it was hot down there! so much so that i was sweating, and had to remove my jacket and blazer. meanwhile, everyone else kept their coats and hats on and their scarves around their necks... what gives?! everyone made me feel like i must have been having a hot flush or something.

---i arrived about ten minutes after pg's plane landed, and i wasn't sure if i had enough time to find coffee or flowers... so i just stood there and watched the doors intently. i had my ipod going most of the time, but minutes turned to hours and there was no indication of what was going on.

i kept expecting her to walk out any minute.

most people were waiting around an hour or so.

by the time i got to two and a half hours i was losing patience. the thought that pg had somehow slipped past me, not found me and gone home arose, as did my irritation that her phone was off.

what i didn't expect was a phone call from an immigration officer. identifying pg and giving details wasn't a problem, but then i found myself being grilled properly about why we "hid our intent to find a job and settle down" from them the first time. what?!?! as far as we knew, we hadn't done anything wrong. she had all my details from my permit application, and it took quite a bit of explaining while being dressed down.

i'd love to say i kept my cool, but i was panicking and there was even a moment where i was asked a question and my brain froze, leaving me speechless for a few seconds. by the end of the conversation i hoped i'd convinced her that we've been doing everything by the numbers (we have!), and she told me she'd take my words into consideration and call me back.

...

the next few minutes were very, very tense. if they'd have sent pg back, i would have had no choice but to pack up and leave. i had no idea what pg had said to them and i prayed that she hadn't freaked out and said anything that didn't fit - as it was, she used the word "tourist" instead of "visitor" and i had to explain to the officer that english isn't her mother tongue and that either way we'd both thought they meant the same thing to them).

...

she called me back to inform me that they were letting her through, with a stern warning to be entirely open with the border officials in the future (we thought we were!). i was reminded of something that's written on the cic website and that i entirely appreciate: entry into canada is not a right, it's a privilege. and these officials have to authority to deny that entry, regardless of what the government thinks.

about fifteen minutes later a thoroughly harassed pg walked out the doors. we'd dodged a bullet, but my swiss princess was decidedly stressed and unimpressed with her treatment. it didn't help any that it was at the end of a long day of travelling.

---we both had the blues on the bus home, we got tears instead of the joyous enthusiasm that i'd expected from our reunion after such a long time apart. i suppose my anxiety / relief / disappointment / having been on my feet and alert so long all contributed to my feeling very weak and having difficulty carrying the giant, stuffed, officially violated suitcase.

we got home to discover that the caretaker has done absolutely nothing about our doors or our busted toilet. on the plus side, that gives us an easy enough out with the contract (or do i have to complain in writing?).

my plans for dinner were bust, so i ran out to the supermarket and picked up the first thing that looked alright for two people with little appetite: supermarket sushi (i'm pretty sure it was vegetarian, but i didn't care).

worst sushi ever.

---today:

we went to bed early last night and woke up late. aside from a few snarky comments about my housekeeping, cooking pasta for lunch and a few episodes of one piece, we did nothing but lay about or, in my case, label old blog posts while pg rested.

to blog, or not to blog

my blogging is not as much about sharing as it is about hoarding precious moments of the past. sometimes i find myself digging through old posts for a reference, and am delighted or horrified at the weird little nothings i noted and promptly forgot. but there's a dark side to my habit, and that's that it's become ingrained that everything that prompts an emotional response gets written down and must be compiled later. it's totally ocd. i thought that twitter would bear some of the load, but when twitter stopped playing well with blogger (and everyone else) that option went out the window.

i have too much stuff to do and plenty of time to do it, if i focus on those tasks instead of trying to juggle all the elements of the big picture simultaneously. on the one hand, blogging helps me by letting me put everything down. on the other, does it really help me? i mean, here i am, on pseudo-holiday, contemplating whether or not my journal is of any practical value to me any more.

---thursday:

thursday began slowly: you know that feeling when it's cold outside and warm under the covers, and your body's in a perfectly comfortable position and the last thing you want to do is move?

the news of the day: hearing that the big guys all think i'm the bee's knees and will have my back if the work permit application starts dragging too much. that feels good.

after much struggling, it was exciting getting a linux box up and running on my laptop. vmware versus virtualbox? suck it, virtualbox. vmware totally kicks ass.

also, i wrote a perl script to transcribe svn logs into a database, and i was pleased when it worked first time as intended and didn't take very long.

i went to my aunt's for a great dinner; yin had just returned from bc and everyone was in high spirits. her friend brought dessert, decadently delicious chocolate balls. i was the only one who wasn't ashamed to have more than one, and so scored the leftovers when i left :)

zenstar invited me to try out rad soldiers: in the past four days i've become enthralled. it looks good, it plays well, the challenges are fun and the soundtrack gets stuck in your head and makes you want to play some more.

---friday:

how do normal people pick up dry cleaning between 9-6? i had to choose between getting it on the way to the office or not going snowboarding on the weekend. so if i'd been able to see the future i wouldn't have ventured out in the slush (and then rain) to pick up my trousers.

---i tried and failed to imagine what doing work that entails digging through slush to enter a manhole must feel like. i briefly watched, and felt humbled.

---the metro was overheated, and there was a man nonchalantly clipping his nails on the train.

friday was a day of speeches, wishes and alcohol in the office. it was a little disorientating (the latter in particular), but very pleasant. i was invited to interview a potential new employee; he got my thumbs up, and i'm impressed that my inebriation didn't make things awkward :P

we had a christmas lunch at the indian restaurant, and the spicy eggplant was so delicious that i couldn't stop eating. that held me up until i got home, when i pigged out on junk food and watched one piece and passed out.

i slept too long, waking up around midnight to make dinner and go back to bed.

---saturday:

i woke up early enough to hit the slopes, but was so exhausted that i chose to get back into bed. making such a choice between fresh powder and sleep is pathetic, and i'd pay for it thrice. once, in the actual price which doubles if you're not on the first bus, twice because all modes of transportation were packed. long queues and uncomfortable rides. thrice because, well, fresh powder. there was still a lot of snow when i arrived, but a lot of ice was exposed too :(

and all of that for what? i wasn't feeling good, no matter how incredibly beautiful the day was, and i have to admit that the disadvantages of being alone outweighed the advantages. to make matters worse, my boots didn't sit right and that made everything a lot harder. to make things even worse, when i sat down for a cup of hot chocolate there was a fire drill and we all had to go outside.

my last two or three runs were better (i'd figured out that i needed to redraw my laces each time) and were fun, and i fortunately saw a clock an hour before the bus was to arrive and so i knew to scramble. i had just enough time for the last run, a sandwich, and the walk to saint sauveur's village. i gotta tell you, that village is surreally charming with its quiet, snow-covered streets and cheery christmas jazz music gently playing through synchronized speakers. i didn't want to wait outside (-13 at night, with wind) so i entered the macdonald's and ordered their crap coffee (the good machine was being cleaned), and took it outside to wait with me for the bus.

the relief of getting on the bus home was intense. if you miss the 9.30 bus, there's no fallback, and getting stuck out there would totally suck.

---sunday:

i got home at midnight, watched one piece and showered and passed out, exhausted. i was too tired to hit the slopes, and more importantly, i wasn't feeling it. i could say the same about today. i feel kinda guilty, but if i'm not in an agreeable mood then screw it.

i stayed in bed late, played rad soldiers and read the new lookouts comic, fell asleep listening to a french lesson podcast, and then eventually got out of bed to talk to pg for a bit.

i left the apartment to take my boots back. the guys at poubelle du ski are heroes! we eventually found boots that fit, or seem to fit, perfectly, and although they're an upgrade the salesman gave me the slip with a wink and told me that if anyone asks i returned the same model ^_^
they're ridiculously purple, but i think i can live with that.

the weather was cold, but beautiful, and i didn't mind discovering that i'd walked in the wrong direction (boy, was i not concentrating) and i eventualy made my way back. i stopped at subway for a sandwich - it wasn't good at all - then dropped off my boots at home, had a long chat with sorter, and went shopping.

the chat with sorter was a bit dark; -someone sent a mail during the week and it basically said that he was investing time in making the code, and the coding process, more complicated than it needed to be and that everything he's done until now is fine as a proof-of-concept but needs to be redone if we want an actual product. sorter was upset with me because my response was less than enthusiastic. i'm deeply disappointed and i hope we can salvage something.

copywriter called me up on skype and i made and ate dinner while we chatted. i'd finally watched the first part of the century of the self which he'd suggested a while ago. i can't recall watching something so distressing and so riveting at the same time. depressingly enlightening. it certainly puts things in perspective, and it's only the first part :(

---today:

i went to bed early hoping i'd be good for the mountains today, but i woke up feeling uninspired. now that i'm up, and i've talked to my mum (who's also on holiday), and posted this, i'm ready to pay my cousins a visit and do the same stupid christmas eve shopping as everyone else: i have only one gift i'm giving, and i didn't think to buy a card :S

it's got ticketses!

wednesday:

something special happened this week, and it began on wednesday. i think it was the realization that i had been too hard on myself and had been pushing to prove something that was over my head and was, in fact, supposed to be.

so began a general de-stress, with the move and the forms and the office integration and snowboarding and everything. i've got much to do and much to learn, and some of it will be fun and some of it will suck, i'll do the best i can and i hope it's enough.

the day: getting comfortable with mac development, enjoying validation when i figured out that the binaries i was working with had been badly compiled and i could tell the supplier in what way, and the satisfaction of getting the junior to see the power of being methodical - i followed the instructions he'd put together on how to install an android development environment: it took me no time! he cleverly didn't follow them, and his system got screwed. we sat on that until quite late.

i checked the laundry room when i got home, and was so excited to find it available that i had already poured the detergent when i realized that i was still wearing a shirt that should have been going in.

*sigh*

i can't recall ever throwing salad stuff out, but in the span of a week (i think) i've not only tossed slimy cucumbers but i had to chuck three mini-heads of lettuce. how very disappointing.

i watched an episode of one piece with a st. ambroise - great beer - and was then too exhausted to do more than crash.

---
thursday:

after an early night i had a late morning. it suddenly dawned on me that i've never transported a snowboard further than a short walk and it seemed to me that not using a bag to protect my snowboard from dings and scratches might not be such a good idea. but bags are either expensive or bundled with other purchases, and i couldn't figure out where to get one.

on a positive note, the shower was upsettingly cold but it warmed up fairly fast - this is good!

mckenna thought for the day: what if soma, the begetter of the gods, is actually a metaphor for the cows?
anyway, the man did a fantastic job of explaining the sacred in sacred cows, making sense of not only religious development but of mythology too. serious and wonderful stuff.

an official response in the morning informed me that as i do not hold a master's degree in my field i cannot possibly be considering a senior anything. *i* think that's quite myopic.

i was in such a hurry to get nowhere that i skipped lunch, and we all scooted off to a demonstration in some very flash downtown offices. i thought the view from the street was magic, but from the twentieth floor? the city is covered in white with its beautiful buildings thrust out into the still air between the packed snow and the pastel blues, oranges and pinks of the sky is absolutely breathtaking.

the coffee afterwards was good, we're all feeling positive and i, for one, am beginning to feel like i know what i'm doing with apple development.

i went to grab dinner and had a long chat with my aunt, who was giving me some very good advice about snowboarding which included the lack of any need for a bag whatsoever. then i ate in the cafeteria and sat down with the junior to help him out...

... i was a bit short with him, and it was late in the game when i realized that he was in way over his head and that i needed to teach him some very basic basics indeed. if i'd have guessed at his level i'd never have left him to the tasks he's been breaking his head over! he's deeper into some of the tricky systems than i am, and last night i was teaching him the beginnings of object-oriented...

-- there are private moments which i have to code and then hope i recall them later. this one involves a call in the dark in which i managed to see something i'd usually miss in real life. that really made me laugh, one of those healthy, unrestrained laughs that have been quite rare recently --

i left the office (late again) with the sensation that the lights are on but nobody's home: i got everything up and running, or at least not crashing, but nothing was actually being done.

i can't figure out the relationship between the temperature and the weather here. when i walked to the supermarket it was -6, and it wasn't cold at all! but earlier i couldn't stand outside for more than two minutes and it's above zero.

the caretaker's wife called me as i was on my way out to tell me to come and get my change from the rent. three warm dollars. why were they so warm? didn't want to know, couldn't not think about it :/

so, super-salad:
flax seed, stuffed olives, olive oil, himalayan salt, vinegar, pickled onions, lettuce, grape tomatoes, cucumbers, mixed beans.
it's weird to me that this was so delicious. incongruous, for some reason.

---
friday (today!)
after another early night, but sleeping badly, i woke up quickly and got moving.

i was focused today, and finally found myself getting right with apple. their development software suffers flaws up the wazoo, but i'm now ready to face qt and xcode. it's gratifying to feel things fall into place on a practical, rather than just theoretical level.

it looks like my first weekend of snowboarding might be delayed another week, but i'm more relaxed about my options and everyone's been super helpful :)

the week ended with a good talk with the boss, and i rushed home to find out when and where i'd see the hobbit. another great salad, another episode of one piece (a cooking competition?!), and chat with sorter and the metro...

... the warm, sleepy metro...

i had to choose between imax and avx, and if i hadn't begun badgering the staff i might've taken the bigger screen over the 48fps. huh!

i've been waiting (typing this) for most of the last hour, and it's time to go in!

i hope this coffee is strong enough. it's 11pm and i'm bombed :P

zombie morning

firstly, i think i'm properly over the idea that shakespeare's "dark mistress" was narcotic. there's too little supporting evidence, and more than enough pointing to something else.

and that something else was not - *GASP* - a woman. now that i've finally gone through the entire sequence, i can say with confidence that shakespeare's reknowned and respected critics are all a bunch of perverts. how everyone takes note of the sexual language but misses its figurative nature is beyond me.

---friday:

1. the day began with an unpleasant email that led to an unpleasant phone call - our company has a client that has thwarted our best efforts to keep our sources hidden, and this endangers our bottom line (regarding this client in particular). there's not much that can be done about this without crossing the privacy boundary and doing what is essentially hacking our users, and even if the purpose of that "hacking" is to make the user's browsing more secure* it's not on. other possible tricks available to us are considered inappropriate. i don't know if i care enough for this kind of problem, but i guess i'll have to come up with something. *sucks thumb*

*weird, right?

2. the eblt toasted sandwich for breakfast from the cafe next door was a brilliant call.

3. a meeting with sorter and -someone in the afternoon: i'm trying to impress a sense of urgency upon co-worker, and sorter's being too kind and forgiving. i *think* everyone knows what they need to be doing, but i suspect that i'm going to need to be policing and i'm not fond of the idea. shit, if i didn't have papers to write (and other work to do) i would have finished the job ages ago!

4. dinner at pg's folks' was great. i ate too much, and talked less than usual :)

5. a few episodes of futurama, then bed. my back's not 100%, but i slept much better than i have in at least a week.

---saturday:

now studying diagrams and protocols for the job interview in a week and a bit. about to step out for coffee with nystire and later, we'll be boarded by ric.

---i've just finished reading max brooks - world war z. it's not the most well-written work i've ever come across, and a number of cultural inconsistencies bothered me, but in spite of those minor flaws the book is magnificent, both in its scope and its coherency. he covers everything one could ask for in an oral history, from the grand, global scale of a species making a desperate last stand for its survival to the minutia of personal struggles.

i'm not entirely certain what i'm going to write about, but whatever aspect of zombies i choose to focus on, i know that mr. brooks will have provided me more than enough material to say whatever needs saying.

poor bill

i am feeling wired and inspired, because i just discovered something absolutely incredible while preparing for my final assignment in our sonnets course. i'm not going to go into detail, because there might be fame and fortune in keeping it on the down-low (that's the second time in a week - awesome!), but i can say with certainty that shakespeare was not gay.

i'm not saying that being gay is a bad thing, only that poor old shakespeare's sonnets have been completely misunderstood for a very long time and i aim to show that they are far less ambiguous and mysterious, and far more intimate, than we've suspected.

---i've just returned from a meeting with our student rep - there were three of us altogether, out of five departments, and i was the only one who'd done my homework and had a list of issues that need dealing with.

it looks like all of the issues i raised are shared throughout our side of the faculty, so we're about to start pushing :)

yesterday:

i slept almost until noon [does that seem excessive?] and around 2pm sorter and -someone arrived for a really good meeting! i'm quite amped, because we now have an idea that really is special and could change the way we watch videos online ^_^

after dinner i was exhausted, but we watched the original a nightmare on elm street. some of it was kinda scary, but what ruined it was the early 80s lack of understanding vis-a-vis the function of dreams.

i slept like a baby.

saturday:

i spent a lot of time staring at the mock french exam and thinking that we have not been prepared for something so complex. i'm not happy with it at all :(

i'm on a total high from these sonnets. at least i know i definitely have something to write for the final paper that's due in a week =D

reined in

*phew*

by the time the last class came around yesterday, i was totally bombed and had the strange sensation that it was monday and that the week was only beginning.

i'd learned a little during the night, but those hours are all a bit hazy. i think i managed to put my head down for ten minutes at some stage. sorter gave me a ride home, and i arrived around 5am and went straight to bed. at 8.30 i somehow dragged my carcass through the freezing cold between the warm blankets and a hot shower, then headed back to campus.

i was *tired*. the classes were interesting, but it was hard to keep the yawns in and the eyelids up.

after the orientation class i went to the new office - right next door to the old new office - to present my design and time estimate. we sat talking about it all for a couple of hours, and then i was sent home. by sunday i'll have a computer to work on and a contract to sign, and they don't care if i'm in the office or at home, as long as the work gets done.

so: visual studio express is free? i like it!

i napped a bit on the bus, waking up just before we hit my stop. i began the visual studio download before hitting the sack; i woke up a couple of hours later to eat and go to cinema city for the half-past-midnight show with pg and her father. i was horrified to discover that one of the three tickets i'd booked had magically been switched to the previous night, but they were kind enough to find us a seat (the house was packed, so i'm even more grateful) and we went in to watch immortals.

holy shit.

that was, aesthetically speaking, one of the greatest movies i've ever seen. everything else was made of win. even the fact that we were surrounded by arsim, and that the guy next to me had a perpetual nostril-whistle thing going on, could not detract from the magnificent experience. it's very visceral. it's not a family film at all.

---
i slept like a baby, and until late. i got up, played around with visual studio, and was about to go out and cross a few items off my list when i realized that the rain was bucketing down. i went back to bed instead. we got up a couple of hours later, ate a hearty breakfast and did our french homework, and i'm now installing more visual studio stuff so that i can continue.

i'm feeling *so* much better now :)

bar's out

well - i had to wait six years to put my tongue bar back in; it's a year and a half later and i've finally decided that it's not worth the limitations. goodbye, vestige of a childhood.

---thursday:

bladed to university, left my shoes in my locker. i hope i don't get stopped at the entrance, because then i'd have to tread barefoot all the way to my shoes.

first class: tons of exercise carrying the giant speaker from the student union to the classroom. only to discover that the cable we'd been provided with was absolutely useless.

rushing between classes (and returning the speaker) to grab a bowl of noodles, and eating while walking was kinda weird.

---sonnets. between wyatt, spenser and shakespeare we had ourselves a field day - only one example from each, but it was nothing short of inspirational. unfortunately, i ruined shakespeare's first sonnet for everyone - the lecturer didn't want to continue - by suggesting arnold schwarzenegger's role in junior as an example of increase being brought about in a male subject...

i tend to say a lot during most of my classes, and i'm always worried about being "that guy", the one vocal idiot who's always ruining it for everyone else. i'm always careful (or, i try to be) to give others a chance to speak and sometimes i open my mouth and feel bad for doing so. that's usually the end of it, except that when this class was over co-conspirator made a remark about the quantity that i share and the lecturer pounced: "are you trying to shut him up?". when i put forth that i *had* felt like i'd gone too far, i was taken completely by surprise by an aggressive outburst from another student: "NO! please! don't stop! i also hate it when people talk too much, but everything YOU say is intelligent and interesting!"
she went on a little more than that, and i was overwhelmed and a bit flustered... very pleased, though. i hope i appeared to be as flattered and grateful for the compliment as i am.

anyway, the sonnet masters blow my mind (all the italians included), and analysing their works is intense.

---it was then time for the orientation course - we have a schedule problem, and we're definitely going to have to sort this out. my part of the lecture didn't go nearly as well as i'd planned...

i bladed home to pick something up that needed to go to work, and occupied myself there for a few hours before returning to watch an episode and a bit of the wire (i passed out after the "bit"). i went to bed early, and slept well.

---friday:

i spent the morning deciding whether to continue working with flex and upgrading my sdk. then i met up with sorter and we went to play on the roof of my apartment's patio. it took a couple of hours and it doesn't look like much, but it's cheap and i suspect it might just do the trick! and if it doesn't, then we were all wrong about the source of the problem and i didn't spend thousands of shekels on something unrelated.

i spent the afternoon coding and blogging, and fighting with pg over rubbish (i think we both feel bad about that), then went to her parents for dinner. i ate too much and have been doing so a lot lately. i suspect it's related to the sleep deprivation. after dinner we played with magnet balls, and it turns out i have a knack for them :)

---today:

waking up early, getting picked up by cousins to make a video for kc's wedding. it was a really fun morning filled with hilarity, which was followed by a huge lunch at her parents' which was absolutely delicious but demanded siesta. i woke up and had a loooooong talk with my mother (we eventually understood each other, we're apparently in interesting times) and am waiting for botchman to get in touch with me because i've had a magnificent artistic idea and i need to put together a group to execute it }:D

now for a movie, or something.

---anti-vaccination crisis - they were going too far from the beginning, but this?!

liking murphy

wednesday mornings are nasty. 8.30am class with the professor who makes our heads spin at any time of day. after that, hitting work (the old office) for a busy few hours including a Very Important Meeting in which i discovered that the project we've been working hard on for the past half a year or so has been rendered obsolete by a decision from the head office...

back to class - nim is offensively lacking in critical thinking skills. otherwise - great class in spite of my having been forced to skim most of the material. both the communist manifesto and wilde - the soul of man under socialism are enriching, but boy did they miscalculate the human propensity for not doing things properly. and for requiring incentive.

home for a quick nap, missing the alarm and being woken by a call from nemesis to say he was on his way. drinking tea and listening to his version of japan on the avenue. arguing the Big Philosophy Questions as he drove me to work.

a late shift, the trainee's a bit slow on the uptake. only got about half the things i needed to do done. got a ride from sorter, didn't swing by a friend's birthday bash because it was 3am already. spent an hour reading instead - relearning the invaluable lesson that sparknotes might give you all the facts summarized, but when you read the text itself the tone and nuances transform the text completely.

slept about four hours, then woke up for the shakespeare course i'm auditing. awesome class. no time between classes to prep for the orientation course. the sonnets seminar is fun. hurriedly (including a bit of running, when i'd forgotten to print my lecture notes) getting set up for the orientation class (same room as our anime nights used to be, with the same reservation issues), then setting about teaching. could've done it better, didn't matter, the kids were enthusiastic and appreciative and hopefully there'll be more next week.

wr and myself running in the rain with a beer keg trolley; the rain began just after we acquired the trolley and stopped just as we found shelter. the picnic was moved to the bomb shelter on account of the weather. long talks, great cake, beer. running the trolley back to the student union, rushing off to bus home, going straight to pg's mum instead. we all went out to great dinner at segev express to celebrate pg's sister's birthday; i ate lots of dumplings.

been back for a while trying to knock things off my to-do lists. mmmmm...

twingling nerves

yesterday was exciting! well, the second half at least.

i got up stupid early (7am) to get some work done on the event website, and was fairly productive until i had to leave for work. the meeting with the insurance guy was set for 11am - it was only about noon when he finally rocked up. turns out he's from the same company :S

i got a bit of work done, but not enough that i don't have to do anything on the weekend. my 4pm meeting on campus had completely slipped my mind... boy, were we all surprised when i jumped up at 3pm, explained the situation, hurriedly handled most of a meeting that had been deferred from the morning while simultaneously packing up...

i made it to the university in good time. unfortunately, i arrived without my beloved phone cover: i'm guessing i must have dropped it on the bus. as soon as i realized it was missing i called up the bus operators, who registered the details but explained to me that they have no way to contact their drivers.

REALLY?!?! and this on the bus line that has wi-fi? so the drivers have internet, the drivers have cellular phones, but the company can't get in touch with them??? bloody liars.

the worst part of this story is that the bus line goes past our apartment, and i only realized that i could have simply called pg and asked her to hop on and check after i'd finished talking to the monkeys. by that time it was too late :(

it was super-heated on campus. the walk up had me disgustingly sweaty. i was surprised to discover that the girl that i thought i was going to meet was the *other* girl-with-the-same-name from the master's students...

the hand-over was very different to what i expected. i thought i was going to get a bunch of info, tips and tricks, who-knows-what - instead, i was informed that i already know everything there is to know about the content management system and that i already had the keys to the department's blog (it's on blogger).

i gave her a lot more info than she gave me: i'd been talking to the head of the faculty's IT department in the morning and the english department on the way from the office, and i've secured permission from both sides to join the faculty dev team for the express purposes of moving our website from the completely unusable and unsupported cms to joomla. the alternative? waiting for them to get around to it during the first semester... i don't think i'll really have enough time to do stuff then :P

on the way to meet the dev team, i ran into gco's girlfriend and she offered to arrange the meeting for me (it turns out everyone had left for the day anyway) - then i headed to the bus stop to go to the old office.

that didn't work - wr and co-conspirator caught me waiting for the bus, and there went an hour of my day. it was a fun, interesting hour, though - we've got a candidate for class rep and a platform on which to push her; wordsworth and i have found a way to let co-conspirator participate in the orientation course (i had reservations at first, but we resolved them in the interest of avoiding group politics), and she taught me a thing or two about the master's course registration process... it's good to know people who have time to harass the entire faculty :)

our enthusiasm for the course is contagious, apparently: wr, now going into his final - no really, his FINAL year* - wants to take the course too :P

* he has one course left to go to complete his degree... he's been studying the same degree for about seven or eight years now.

it was on that note that i left (again) for work. the first person i ran into was sorter, and we sat outside for coffee and business for a short while - i was happy to report progress, he had a lot to say about financial sources, and between the two of us this little project has rather a lot of potential. the best part is that as soon as this month is over i will have time to dedicate to it, and it's fun regardless of whether it succeeds or not. we don't have to invest in anything else until we're ready to release an alpha version... so an even split of the profits might be good pickings :)

i'd had a long email argument with -someone in the morning about the way i'd written one of the classes, and it continued as soon as the two of us were sitting together. much flurrying on the whiteboard later, and i finally managed to untangle my proposal into a flow diagram. it's funny how the second it was drawn up properly it became so simple and sensible! and how important it is to have two people working on the same code.
that freed up my next hour or so for documenting things before grabbing the bus home.

i decided i'd spend some time with pg before working, and we sat reading together after dinner, then playing tekken... tekken was interrupted, though, by a phone call from pg's ex. she disappeared for a while, then returned with a pile of cash, a guitar, and a retelling to raise the hackles. at least she told the creep off, and explained that she never wanted to see or hear from him again. story over - i'm glad i didn't have to intervene.

we played a bit more, and then i did a *little* bit of work... but sleep overpowered me. and not just any sleep - a complete, deep, *satisfied* sleep in appreciation for a week well done and *knocks wood* my life being in a good place right now. it's taken what seems like forever, but i'm financially stable and doing jobs that i like, i'm reading and gaming again, i'm making time for friends in addition to being in a fantastic relationship, and i believe that if i work really hard i might be able to keep this up ^_^

---getting up at 7am was night impossible, and 7.30 was only slightly easier. i've now posted, done the translation for the event, and am off for breakfast with urchin.

[twingling]

on ismism - part i

[post divided retroactively]

in prepping for my paper on literary theory, i'm studying modernism. it's taking me a long time to wrap my head around all the different isms, and here are some wonderful little bits i've uncovered. a diligent reader may notice that some of my references are to wikipedia. "hey! that's not a good source!" one might very well exclaim. maybe not, but it's an excellent source of sources. and it has some useful summaries.

compare:
• baudelaire's politics with bon jovi's self image
• the fourth freedom with high school carnage
• and freud's state of mind while coming up with those theories

oh, and lenin on anti-semitism (another popular ism, may have had some impact on behaviour during the second world war) made up for reading a version of jewish / egyptian history that denied us hebrews had *ever* been slaves in egypt. this man isn't entirely wrong; but he seems to forget that herodotus wasn't the most reliable of sources, and that the israelites wandered about in the desert for forty years. deserts have a habit of not holding evidence as well as other types of terrain.

and in almost related news: why the suggestion that drug use in arts departments shouldn't be met with antagonism (there were wild accusations made about freud, then about freud's students), and whether or not i'm allowed to express my personal theories in a course being set up for the next semester.

---wednesday:

after posting, i crept over to pg's and slept like the dead. getting out of bed was tough, and i lumbered home to get my gear and head off to campus. i wore my new trapper beanie (something like this), and when an idiot taxi driver honked right next to me i automatically made tapping motions to where my ear would be visible had i not been wearing it. my attempt to make it clearer scored me a look that informed me that i'd made the same impression as obelix tapping his head saying "these romans are crazy".

i made those well-known last-minute on-campus pre-print corrections, and then my paper was served. what a great sensation! i handed in with one of the other in potentia master's students, and our chat on the way out was interesting. i paid wr a visit, still stuck in a freudian (huh, my phone auto-corrects to "fraud") loop...

i ran into sorter on my way into the office, and we walked and talked to pick up seeds and lunch. while waiting for my delicious schnitzel sandwich, some guy in the street held his hand on the hooter for twenty second intervals for at least ten minutes. it was driving everyone crazy, but as my manager said: not the area where you really want to say something. i considered calling the police, but they'd probably just laugh at me :(

---having learned a very serious lesson about code reviews, i sat with -someone and had a really productive session. i have learned to articulate the use for comments: they're not just for making the code easily readable. they do that too. but they more importantly provide the only convenient way - for both programmer and reviewer - to know if the code does what it's supposed to do.

"i didn't comment this because it's so obvious what it does"
"why does it do that?"
"ummm... lemme see now..."

no. none of that. by the time we were done his code was readable and we knew exactly what he had to fix and why. there were a couple of i-can-hear-angels-singing moments when he launched into a commenting frenzy pre-emptively, and i *think* that means he got the message. i taught him a few other tricks along the way, but that was the one that counts.

[continued...]

operations...

so there were three major events today, and the one that overshadowed them all was a flame-war on the wall of our english literature group where i was jumped on by a couple of angry girls for trying to protect the rest from exam contamination. i saved most of the posts on my work pc just in case, and by the time i got back to an internet connection someone had deleted the entire stream. the idiot (to be fair, she really does seem to be a bit on the... mmm... not-sharp side... left a last word:

[totalwaste], this whole thread (that has now magically disappeared?) could have been avoided in the first place if you gave up on the tyranny and enabled other group members make their decisions for themselves. More importantly, I don't know where or how have you been raised, but calling an idiot to a girl you have never met and who only wanted to make a point that's reflecting not just her own opinion but other people's as well is disgusting and immature, so you can't be surprised of the outcome. Good luck with the paper.

to which, of course, i responded (after another moderator had tried to clear things up):

[total bitch]: listen to [other moderator]. you're right, i'm sorry i called you an idiot (although as i recall, i said you were behaving *like* an idiot which is not the same thing) - this whole thing could have been avoided if you'd READ what i'd said instead of guessing, and instead of getting personal maybe understood that i was trying to make life easier for everyone, and not let a couple of selfish people ruin the exam for everyone else. i don't want YOU making my exam decisions for me, nor for anybody else. and it's funny that you talk about how i was raised when the first thing out of you that i've ever heard is how i'm an egotistical tyrant and that nobody should listen to me. you spin your own story - but that's what narrative is about. good luck with yours.

the flame lasted an hour or so of back and forth - a really frustrating back and forth because it took more than half an hour for me to realize what really upset her (i'd suggested that everyone gets their work proof-read by a native english speaker... including me) and becoming more and more aggravated because no matter what i said or in which language i said it, she wasn't really interested in reaching an understanding. i don't like people arguing to win regardless of what they're saying.

i got *way* too upset over the whole thing. as one of my managers said: "getting angry about this is like punishing yourself for someone else's stupidity". he's right. but i needed a drink and a good movie (equilibrium - did i really forget the whole thing?) to reset.

---
the first major event of the day was a minor surgical procedure - the removal of a mole from my temple. the doctor seemed nice, and while waiting for the local anaesthetic to take hold he advised me to let him inspect the rest of me. i think i know how girls feel at the gynaecologist now. the experience was quite uncomfortable. disquieting. at least he didn't find anything there, but he did set me an appointment for a couple of troubling items on my back. he claims i have a redhead's skin :P

the procedure went smoothly, and i returned home for the second major event: some intimate hours with freud and his memories.

my favourite bit is disproving freud using freud's assumptions. i then play down the paradox and pretend it's alright, because i'm sure our lecturer's not going to be happy with the breaking of her favourite story.

i think i'm done with the first half of my paper - i've sent it off to sorter to be checked - but now i have a whole other half to do, and we've just received our poetry exams in the mail. no pressure!

i took a break, went to work, and aside from the flames it was a fairly successful day. i got a ride back to dizengoff, and walked (in the rain, of course, having left my umbrella at work) to pg's. i have now tasted fennel, and it's great. i finished the rum (there was only about a shot left), and the evening was nice.

now i'm back, i've ranted, i've posted, and it's time to get some more work done.

still shocked - need more time

[this post brought to you by diamond head]

all my troubles began yesterday with my inability to catch a quick nap before heading off to work. i went out to catch the bus, and one of our managers was on it... he decided to get off at the same station as me to see if it was any closer.

it wasn't. his response?
"i'm gonna slap the bitch outta you"

i spent the afternoon working, then continuing with my paper within the calm of the phone lines. the head manager who's stepping out brought chocolate ice-cream bites... they were frozen solid and cold. and not good to have in one's mouth when answering a call.

after the shift i spoke to someone about an interesting-sounding job. halfway through the conversation i was asked if i didn't feel overqualified for the job... my boss was standing far too close for comfort when i said "listen, the job i'm doing now? i don't wanna use dirty words, so i'm not going to describe what levels i've resorted to."

[*suddenly feels better after a quick break*]

on my way out i was reminded of aziz ansari because i usually rollerblade. with one gay co-worker and one straight, the three of us went down a gratuitously gory mental spiral, eventually reaching a low enough point with the following (you'll have to select it to read it, it's awful):
a gherkin merkin': badly shorn pubic hair over a small, green penis suffering genital herpes

so we called it quits.
[for those who've read the above - don't you wish you hadn't?]

i hopped over to the university, beginning the experience in the orange store. all i wanted to know what how to check my balance... the saleswoman had no idea either. while attempting her suggestions, i got to witness her using grimy tricks on other customers. they really do talk a lot of horseshit.

i walked inside to find a hanukkah headphone party. i had a beer while discussing idealism with co-conspirator (or do i refer to her as a union-mate?) before we headed to the student union meeting. it began late, so we talked a lot more. i have a lot of things to say.

first item on the agenda - an announcement regarding the fire last week. it's touching to hear all the stories about the people who took command and donated their time and helped physically with the ordeal. it's disturbing to hear all the stories about the government institutions (some aid ones in particular) and services who did as little as they could get away with.

the next couple of items were interesting too, and fortunately a bit more positive. there's a hint that we may have succeeded somewhere along the line...

i wasn't happy about leaving early, but i had promised to get to singer's first performance on time. if only the invitation i'd received hadn't been incorrect, i would've known that i had an hour more than i'd thought. i didn't have to miss the main item on the agenda :(

i decided on falafel on my way home, and walked into the place next door just as they were setting out the candles. all the patrons (including one really strange man and his child, i'm certain that kid's not getting the best genes in the pool) were stuck singing for their supper...

... i rushed home, strapped on my blades and got to the bar *just* one hour early. buggrit. i haven't seen her family since we stopped seeing each other, so that was a little... a little awkward. amusing, though, that nobody recognized me with hair :P

that extra beer... i tried to read, i tried to write, and eventually, circuitously, entered a conversation with the beautiful girl sitting at my table that lasted until the show started.
single-serve friends :P

that extra beer... that went to my head.

the performance was brilliant - i'm really impressed. thoroughly amused, too - the last song was the one singer and i argued over the most, and when she got to the Big Fix she made a really mischievous face at me while singing it her way :)

her one song got stuck in my head for most of the next twelve hours. not bad, not bad at all.

she finished earlier than anticipated, and i rolled out of there and into the group. we had one tough blade, but very social. i even found out who's borrowed my copy of johnny mnemonic! (after my phone upgrade...)

pg and i had an argument, and we irritated each other a lot with this one... i worked out my frustration with some serious exercise. my legs were strained by the time i finally got home (around 1.30am).

i walked in, quaffed an energy drink, showered and got to work on my paper. the only thing that got in the way was my windows installation. i'd forgotten how much i despise microsoft - windows 7's a huge improvement technologically, but some of their measures are still rather draconian.

around 4am sorter was giving me a few pointers as i prepared to put together the last page or two. i was all over the place comparing readings and fixing things when my whole neighbourhood lost power. no wireless, no light, a few hours left before the paper was due... not good.

not good.

---i figured it was best to go to bed and sleep a couple of hours, but the caffeine was still in charge and it must have taken me about half an hour to catch some z's. and two hours is just not enough sleep.

i spent about ten grim minutes snoozing, then dragged myself out of bed and got cracking. i put together the summary and tidied up some more, then made triply-sure that i had a copy to print when i got to campus.

yes! first print was smooth, first peer-review not so much. i grabbed her paper (for a moment she thought i was serious about replacing her cover page and handing it in as mine) and fixed the style issues, printed again and refused to look back.

our first class was the usual nightmare - only it gets a little worse every time. at least it had an amusing warm-up; we're all starting to get familiar with each other :)
so half the class have notes they don't understand, the other stopped wasting their time trying, and one or two *think* they got it but that's only because we've been talking about the same shit for the past six classes. it's a terrible course :(

the end of it was perfect, though. the professor talked about shklovsky (at least i think it was him) saying that in order to be art the representation must be difficult to understand. the more difficult, the more artistic. that was when it struck me as appropriate for her to be reflexively discussing an idea that represents her: she's an artiste. she's making it as tough to follow her as possible because that increases our exposure to her techne :/

---one of the girls mentioned a vampire smiley in class, and that always reminds me of the life of riley - one of the greatest webcomics i've ever read!

doughnuts waiting for us outside of class, a cup of coffee, and the next class (almost) made up for the first. i'd done the reading during the first (the lady with the dog) and had plenty of opinions and side-notes. even though i broke a genre boundary by bringing in an argument based on frank herbert (RIPASBF*) and robert jordan (RIPAPBF**) that scored me big brownie points with the lecturer. i'm well pleased, even though i probably shouldn't be :D

 * RIPASBF: may he rest in peace and his son burn forever
** RIPAPBF: may he rest in peace and his publisher burn forever

i tried telling the british girl in our class a little johnny joke, but she didn't get it :S

i had a quick, burny lunch with pg and eidetic, then stopped by wr to hear there's a girl looking to help out with anime night - *GLEE*!

i chatted with a couple of guys from our poetry class, then went out to the bus. while waiting, a blind man, his guide dog and a young girl stopped in the centre of the stop to wait for the bus. there were a couple of people right next to the man when, mid-sentence, he let one rip. he carried on as if nothing had happened, and everyone remained still and quiet - except me. i had to get some distance between us, and quickly, when the smell hit: the expression that struck me a short while later was "a guided fart".

i was D-E-D dead tired, and i almost slept on the bus (not a good idea for a short trip). once i'd arrived at work i realized that i was wearing the wrong shirt for the interview i was going to - not everyone appreciates "i wanna **** [princess peach] like an animal".
i got some work done, then rushed home to change to something less offensive.

on the bus, it suddenly struck me why statistics and people who put their faith in them bother me. just as plato's reflections, they seem to have power but are no more than misleading figures. when we use stats... we're facing the wrong direction.

forgetting my military training (har, har) i chose all the wrong buses to the interview, and was a bit late. in retrospect, i should have worn the original shirt. i think the guy was having a laugh at my expense, he was cryptic and had me off-balance from the start. it's not clear if he was impressed or disappointed, and his excessive wordiness afterwards makes me think it's not going to happen.

i went back to work, worked hard and well, then switched with one of the agents and spent the rest of the evening being mindless.

it's now really late, i have readings to do. going to a wedding this evening isn't a good idea. i hope it's not too late to cancel? and dammit, i haven't gotten back to the guy who interviewed me two weeks ago...