another war week over

work:  today was a real struggle, i feel like i've spent most of the week hitting every possible snag, edge case and weirdness. the successes were limited.

gd and i dropped mr smear off at school this morning and then walked together to the clinic, then did some shopping and came home. unlike the last couple of days, i feel like i was relatively focused work-wise.

after picking mr smear up from school, gd put on a brave face and went through to her piercer to get her nose ring switched - i'm actually quite proud of her, under the circumstances, leaving the house by herself and taking the bus was a really big deal.

mr smear was pretty cool today, although bedtime shenanigans turned into bad feelings. not as bad as they could have been, though. i do sense improvement.

i returned to the orthopaedist, who could immediately see wear around my hips. that's troubling. so i have a referral for a joint specialist and i guess we'll see...

i'm tired, i'm contemplating going to bed soon. i did play some inscryption this evening, i'm enjoying it but i wasn't in the right mood.

i've expressed to gd my concern that her with her ptsd and lack of context should really be avoiding news in general. i suggested she'd be better off with cat videos, and she didn't disagree... everything is toxic right now, and i'm personally struggling with the "need to know" FOMO and sense of powerless despair that comes with it, even if the "knowledge" is always suspect at best.

the staycation: over

i'm starting this post at 2.15am on tuesday morning. i've spent more than two hours lying in bed, the first hour or so reading and the last stretch just trying uncomfortably to sleep.

friday:

we went to the tomorrow exhibit at the ramat gan museum. the AI-assisted videos were mostly amazing, but we could have experienced that at home on youtube. the female pop icon NFT thing (women ape yacht club?) was dramatically unimpressive and the icons themselves so remarkably uninteresting that we rolled on by, the VR experience was interesting for all of two minutes (the games we've played on the mongoose's setup were incredible, this seemed like an attempt to suck the joy out of the technology), and the "classics" stuff was hebrew-only; one section was boring, the other was cool for gd and me but unnerving for mr smear.

i hard napped when we got home, then dragged myself out of bed to walk with mr smear to the beach to join cm and his family. we had a really great time!

overall, it was an excellent day.

saturday:

we started walking to the port to meet up with ric and his family, but a quarter of the way there gd realized she was in too much pain so i walked back to pick up a car and we drove there instead.

driving in tel aviv? not recommended.

we enjoyed our outing with them, their little one's super cute. mr smear was mostly cool until just before we left, and we ended up with a bad vibe on the way home.

we stopped at home for a short while, then i took mr smear to ra'anana to meet up with dod* and his family. mr smear wasn't being particularly social (we have to teach him that the concept of "strangers" in israel works a little differently), but he thoroughly enjoyed the ninja obstacle course.

* divan orange dude. i've just learned that le divan orange closed down a few years ago and that makes me a bit sad

we left just after a gangly kid wearing glasses tried to run up the side of the ramp mr smear had been using, and i looked on in horror as he slipped and smashed his glasses into his eye socket. dod and his wife helped tend to him while his grandparents made phone calls, the cut looked awful and i hope his eye's still functioning.

sunday:

sunday was accompany gd to the pain clinic day. it was a long day of doctors and bureaucrats. some of it felt constructive and promising. between clinic visits she got her nose piercing switching out and mr smear and i had a huge hummus breakfast at mashawsha. it was expensive but delicious.

monday:

back to work! aside from a tedious day of completing reports (two down, one to go) interspersed with multiple distractions, it was a good day and i must admit that it feels good to feel welcomed and appreciated.

gd had a rough day (feeling nauseous), but i was pleased to hear that mr smear had a very successful playdate.

...

the other day we watched a compilation of child comedians on the got talent shows, and mr smear is trying very hard to be funny, with results that are sometimes hilarious but usually for the wrong reasons...

...

i've been re-reading neuromancer for the last while, there's soooo much i'd forgotten and it's really, really amazing in spite of the anachronisms. during the staycation i also started reading the elements of eloquence, and it's very enjoyable!

...

of course, i got side-tracked writing this. i wonder if i'll be able to get to sleep soon.

kitchen studio

damn, after something like four hours of recording in our kitchen with horseman and his buddy (who's essentially producing this show), i get just how much work goes into these things. gd walked in at a good time to provide her services as singing coach, so that became a thing. by the time we were done we had a few good samples and a solid plan of action - hopefully we'll finish up next weekend and i'll be able to publish some stuff.

we went off to see the new cool at abyss, which has some gorgeous pieces, then headed to p.m. for a delicious dinner and fun politics before calling it a night.

linkage! and fat rants.

apple's losing it.

robert downey jr.'s winning it.

guitar solo faces explained.

earl sinclair IS notorious b.i.g.!

tanyer's rules for jiu-jitsu are spot on

america's making strides in the war on the war on drugs! they're now starting to get the message on a federal level. well done!

speaking of backwards things, rick scott is an asshole.

ooh - a tattoo pain chart.

---okay, so i think abby howard's AWESOME. but she did this comic on body image recently that upset me. why did it upset me? because being healthily large is NOT a problem, but being obese IS. it's unhealthy, and it puts a load on our health services and increases our resource requirements when we're already beyond capacity. it's not offensive unless you're sharing space on crowded public transport which isn't designed for obesity, like in economy class on planes; if somebody doesn't like the look, well, that's their problem and they can keep it to themselves.

but my real frustration stems from the fact that she's apparently into science, and she talks about how she's tried eating healthy. really? like, whose idea of healthy? was it a fad diet, like low carbs or paleo? or the "i'm not eating dessert" diet? because if she'd actually bothered to do a little research, she might have come across the huge body of literature that shows convincing evidence that the only "healthy" diet is a whole-food, plant-based one. if you're eating the western-consumer diet, where "healthy" means eggs and bacon for breakfast, red meat and chicken salads and lots and lots of dairy... well, that's not healthy.

show me a picture of an obese person on a whole-foods, plant-based diet. not vegan, because not eating animal products does not equate to eating healthy. whole-foods, plant-based. you wouldn't be able to keep your weight up if you tried.

spreading thin - part i

forgotten wednesday:

while i ate lunch i finally watched the rest of hancock; it's a fun film with an interesting premise.

yesterday:

after all the drama, gd recovered a little and the peaceful evening we'd been praying for actually came to pass. we watched the first half of detachment, it's gripping stuff and neither of us wanted to stop watching even though we were going to have to get up early in the morning.

...

it was a gorgeous morning, gd had something she needed to do at her work and i found a bank branch conveniently close to do some things i urgently needed to do. i had a lot longer to wait than we'd anticipated, during which time i caught up on emailing and discovered the humble dymamite bundle. which is available for the next twelve days and has a whole bunch of stuff i want.

we had an hour or two before gd's osteopath appointment; on our way back home we passed a traditional chinese ceremony with dancing dragons (or dogs, gd says they're dogs) being performed on the sidewalk. it was a beautiful ceremony, the dancing was awesome and the costumes were magnificent - they even blinked, which lent them a jarring sense of realism. the ceremony took up the entire sidewalk, and ended abruptly as someone pushed through them with a wheelchair. i don't know if that action cut it short or if i had been about to end anyway, but while it's not cool to interfere with wheelchair access it's also not cool to disrupt something like that. there are only losers in this story. just saying.

i had a sudden craving for freshly baked bread, so we walked past atwater market to pick some up; what we ended up with was delightful, but choosing was such a tedious process! why they don't label their breads is beyond me, and when you're not interested in dairy products it's rather difficult and frustrating to get people to list ingredients because most people don't even think about the butter or cream or cheeses that they put into foods as dairy.

i went with gd to her appointment and waited for her to go in, finding a copy of devra davis - disconnect on the waiting room table. a lot of people are paranoid about cellphone radiation, but i've heard enough from reliable sources to be suspicious. a brief search led me to an article on the author's disconnection from the scientific method, and if you care to look through it it should quickly become clear that the author is either unethical, or incompetent. science is NOT about fitting data to your beliefs.

the rooms were right next to gd's friend's tattoo gallery, so i went there thinking i'd plug in my netbook, charge my phone and get something productive done. the little dog is so irresistibly pettable, though, and so i ended up just playing with her while her owner worked on the most fantastic forearm tat! everyone who's worked with her knows how good she is, to the point where this guy is just paying for her to use his arm as a canvas in whatever way she sees fit. there's something pure about that, in my opinion, and the concept she went with was gorgeous.

gd arrived feeling significantly better, and we had time to talk a bit and play with a balloon - a very simple pleasure - after which we walked to the metro station and travelled to her doctor's appointment. well, we *would* have travelled to her doctor's appointment if the metro at snowdon hadn't shut down suddenly. from being on time to running late, gd began panicking and i convinced her that waiting for service to resume wasn't a good idea so we went upstairs to find a taxi. we still made it with a couple of minutes to spare, but adding stress to the day really hadn't been necessary.

i left her in the waiting room to go sort out subletting my apartment. printing the documents was as cheap as i remembered, which means that the girls who served me the other day were being assholes.

i met up with the new tenant and we entered the office. filling out the forms took a while, and it hurt having to pay $150 for a credit check when she's paying the rent in cash and she's only going to be there for a month, but otherwise the women in the office weren't unhelpful and on monday we're going to be handing over the keys. now i just need to stress about moving all my stuff.

and figuring out where my ipod is. it's gone missing, and i don't know in which apartment i should be looking :S

i returned to my apartment and received confirmation that pg's account had been hacked and accessed by someone in san francisco, so i spent the better part of an hour going through all our email to make sure no passwords or codes had been exchanged. passport and id scans, yes, but there's not much we can do about those :(

i came home and, in light of the previous experience, convinced gd to set up two-step verification as well. setting it up for an android device really isn't as complicated as it feels, for some reason nothing on her phone worked for a while after activating the security and then suddenly it did again, and i don't know if installing the google authenticator app made a difference.

a surprise call from kgb saw us hurriedly eating* and then walking to drinkerie to meet up with kgb and his fiancée. we had a pleasant evening**, leaving well after 9pm when there was still sunlight, and came home intending to sort out which pieces of gd's old clothing to get rid off. that never really happened, we were both far too tired.

* and finding a small stone in a commensal frozen meal. that was weird.

** except for the bit where kgb informed me that megaman's found another job and is looking for workers, i had to explain to him why i'm not interested. i was surprised that we hadn't had that conversation before...

[continued...]

happy saint-jean-baptiste day?

it's monday night, i'm feeling physically and emotionally exhausted; i skipped training and the only writing i'm managing to get done today is this. the past two days have been full of ups and downs and i've been brooding over the fact that after finding a job i was expecting a couple of quiet months wherein i'd get to do what i want to do... instead, during the past couple of months i've had relatively little focus-on-me time and i've been constantly stressed about whether or not i'm going to get to stay in this country.

---yesterday:

we had plans to go out and enjoy the tams, but instead of an anti-histamine gd accidentally gave me a pill that totally knocked me out. i spent the next few hours flat on the couch or on the bed, it was all rather sad. in the evening we went to visit her tattoo-artist friend who owns the gallery where we met.

we drank a few glasses of wine (and i had a beer), we advised the owner on real estate, website development and marketing, and then i got into a long discussion about being vegan in which i think i became a friend of theirs' guru (a link to nutritionfacts.org and my training diet seemed to be enough).

gd had one of those memorable moments - she'd had a bit to drink, and gestured as if she was going to throw her phone in the air... it slipped out of her hands, and she was then forced to perform one of those amusing juggling acts brought on by almost catching it and having it immediately bounce back into the air. the impressive part was her successfully catching it on the sixth or seventh try, and we were rather grateful that we didn't have to add "replace phone" to the list of things to do today :P

the owner has the sweetest little handbag-dog. i usually can't stand those, and i don't consider them "real" dogs, but this one's like a cross between a dog and a hamster, like a tiny, sensitive toy designed to be petted. anyway, we all decided to go to p.m. for dinner and the poor little creature was sneaked in in the handbag and hidden until the table the entire time. phenomenally well-behaved, she only barked once and we all managed a most amusing cover-up; we were legitimately worried that we'd find ourselves banned, and that would totally suck!

p.m. was delicious, their dishes are designed to be shared and four of them between five of us was still too much to handle.

gd and i said goodbye and came home to watch the boondocks. i've seen a few episodes before but not in any particular order. damn, but that stuff's offensive. and it gets stuck in your head in the worst way...

---monday:

i woke up still feeling tired but good nonetheless, however uninspired to write i might have been. aside from more of the boondocks and shopping, the main focus for the day was showing my apartment to a potential taker for the month of july. i will be very disappointed if she doesn't take it, she was asking about things that would really only matter if they were planning on renting it long-term and it's perfect for her needs...

on our way home i stopped by the building manager's office to give them a ball that some kid had landed on my balcony. the woman there began lecturing me about playing responsibly, then reminded me that if i do sublet i'll have to pay $150 out of my own pocket for the credit check they run on potential tenants.

she asked me if i'd told anyone i was subletting, and i informed her of the distinct lack of support i've received from her co-workers.
"well, you know we have empty apartments right now..."
"... and i'm living somewhere else and being forced to pay rent for an apartment i'm not using."

i walked out, updated gd and the two of us were steaming about the fact that they're worried about not making maximal profit and i'm worrying about not being able to afford food. what a bunch of greedy bastards, as soon as i'm out of there they won't be getting any more referrals from me - by that i mean to say that i'll be sure to spread the word of their attitudes through any channel available.

...

i walked past the park next door, and was pleasantly surprised to find that during the summer all of the kids' bars and decorative features turn into a miniature water park, with a fountain in the middle. the neighbourhood kids were out in force having a whale of a time :)

shane mauss - mating season: as he was describing the theory of how people walk on two legs because women like stuff, gd complained about the chicken no longer being edible and i found myself rushing off to the supermarket to buy some more. coincidence? it's a great show, what he lacks in execution he makes up for in wit.

we watched a few episodes of blue exorcist over dinner, and i read the wonderful tale of ahmed sadiq before making myself a salad. now there's a story of justice being served. powerful, painful justice.

skew view

my left trapezius is buggered, my neck's hurting and my backside... it just got progressively worse and until an hour or two ago any movement at all has been extremely painful. so i came home and rested on the couch in front of life 2.0, which was a worthy look at second life and the world of possibilities it opens up. i was particularly fascinated by the recreation of las vegas which is already a simulacrum, and the results of the "little girl" experiment.

i did pass out for a short while somewhere in the middle, and dreamed that gd was pointing out a hand-sized hairy spider that was clearly looking at us and preparing to attack. i grabbed a chair and slammed an edge into it, all the while with the absolute willies. i woke up with them, wondering if i hadn't incorporated a real spider during rem and worriedly hunting my lounge for it.

---after posting yesterday, i continued mail clearing which involved watching wil wheaton and the penny arcade guys playing shadows over camelot. i can't decide how i feel about the game itself, but their game was fun to watch.

i skipped sparring and went to the boxing class. i took a lot of abuse but returned fire once or twice, and the general vibe between me and the coach was light and fun. he gave me two new guys to teach, the second one being the same big guy i worked with yesterday! he took a long time to get the hang of things, but i was proud by the end of the class when i got him through some combinations with speed *and* power :)

...

and on the third day he remembered to put his piercings back in after training.

...

i was in the mood for indian but didn't want to pay as much as we've been to the place gd usually orders from, so i called masala palace next to snowdon and picked up my order on the way. that was a great idea! it would've been even better had gd been comfortable eating it... she managed to bite her cheek pretty badly :(

so we sat watching community for a while, i overate and was unable to move much anyway. a little bit of clumsiness caused some amusing drama (it took a moment for our communal sense of humor to kick in), and we both went to bed exhausted and ready for a new day.

---it took me over an hour to get out of bed this morning, my ass was in such pain! but i'd slept quite well in any event. my sinuses can't decide if they're clear or not... i've just been invited to brunch, so i'm gonna take a tablet just in case.

i don't even. part i.

i'm actually high right now. actually, properly high on life to such a degree that this morning i found myself wondering - on a couple of occasions - if perhaps i'm dying and this last weekend has been a final hallucination in which i imagine what heaven is like.

...

i suddenly recalled the couple of unpleasant things that prove that this all has to be real, and that drew me out from my reality-anxiety reverie in a fit of giggles.

---friday:

firstly, i have to mention an amazing piece of software that's really exciting: it's called firechat, and in a nutshell it allows android / iphone users to create ad-hoc networks when there's no connectivity. the first, most basic use i could think of was to chat with people on the metro; it's an environment with lots of people avoiding all forms of contact, and i think the ability to communicate with people in the same location and situation anonymously could have really interesting potential.

...

i wasn't going to be able to make boxing in the evening, so i went early to work on the bags. i did some good work, but then i became frustrated as my shins got tender and i managed to hurt my ankle (slightly) on a side-kick to the wrong bag (like kicking a wall, that one). at least i finished feeling looser, and while resting on the pull-up bar i realized that after all this time i'm actually able to hold it with my feet flat on the floor - stretch success!

i went to the tattoo parlor opening that pulse had invited me to. it wasn't too difficult to find, i'm not familiar with the area but it was a beautiful evening and on the way the view of the city was stunningly dystopic. i arrived... on time, and pulse was going to be fifteen minutes late. hesitant to enter alone, not knowing anyone and being pretty bad with strangers, i looked in at the window and decided that i was rather under-dressed. this was no regular tattoo parlor! shit, they'd turned the main area into a gallery and the tattoo artist's paintings were on display, there was a table with wine and cocktail-y stuff and my first impression was that it was packed with pretension.

i opened the door and a beautiful woman jumped forward to welcome me, i automatically assumed that i was talking to one of the proprietors and politely introduced myself before attempting to enter the throng. a small room, packed with people, it was a throng. and everyone was standing and talking in such a way that it was practically impossible to squeeze through to see what was further inside, i was even uncomfortable approaching the table with the refreshments.

i sneaked between the lines-of-sight of the snap-happy photographers while i inspected the artwork: the pieces were all fantastic, the artist has a really cool style and some of the work was really gripping. so there was that.

just as i was staring at a particularly intriguing canvas, i felt a tap on my shoulder and whirled around to find pulse standing beside me. what a relief! she introduced me to her friend, and then re-introduced me to gd, the girl who'd greeted me earlier. the curtain was drawn back, the crowd regained a level of reality and we all proceeded to enjoy the evening together.

there was something special about gd and she basically told me what it was* when she eventually caught me alone; she left with us which gave us an opportunity to chat on the way to the metro. it was immediately obvious that we were going to be friends and we swapped details as we agreed to meet up sometime.

* no, not sharing.

i got home to a message from her that ended in a chat in which we discussed the fact that we were both attracted to each other and the fact that aaa and i were a potential thing. she was happy to respect that and still come see me perform on sunday, and everything was cool. very cool. that is to say, our chat excited me in a way that i haven't been excited in a very long time.

---saturday:

i slept better, but that wasn't difficult to achieve. i read an article on sensory deprivation that sounded suspiciously like using technology to achieve the goals of a yoga exercise pulse had been describing the night before, then went to old montreal to join her for yoga.

if one of the aims of yoga is to relax, then i was halfway there just by walking through old montreal on such an incredible, sunny morning! gods, that area is gorgeous.

the yoga class: pulse had been going about how amazing her instructor is, and while at first i was a little skeptical i really warmed to him over the course of the class. some of the things he says are a bit preachy, but considering some of the conversations i overheard from the other members of the class it was probably quite necessary. speaking of which, the class was completely full and we had to play a form of yoga mat tetris in order to squeeze everyone in...

... the class was awesome, extremely challenging, mentally stimulating and shamefully sweaty for someone using pulse's spare mat (of course i cleaned it afterwards, but still).

pulse and i had a great time visiting atwater market, the highlight being my finding a large tub of marmite. hooray! on the metro, pulse made a comment about using the poetry slam as an opportunity to vet aaa. i thought that was pretty amusing.

after a good lunch, i went to a java u to meet aaa for coffee before going to hear the university of montreal's orchestra. i was trying and failing to speedily learn the slam in the hope that it'd be ready for the following evening. yeah. not so much.

the date: coffee was nice. we travelled to the university, which is pretty impressive, and found our seats. i wasn't sure how i'd feel about a classical performance, but here goes: the first piece was composed by a man in the audience, it was interesting. the second piece appeared to be showcasing a very talented dude with a flute, it was pretty cool. then there was an intermission, and then the main piece.

dimitri chostakovitch, symphony no. 11. ho-ly crap. there were parts of it where i felt like i was in class trying desperately not to fall asleep, and parts filled with heady, powerful stuff. i guess i could say it was equal parts thrilling and somniferous. i couldn't believe how long it was, my mind was reeling trying to fathom how everyone, from the conductor to the guys on the bells, were keeping it together. when i described the experience to my mother i told her that it felt like i was watching the soundtrack to a movie, and felt quite validated (and cultured :P) when she read back a review that basically said the same thing!
the experience was also similar to some of the more advanced psy-trance pieces where the dj brings in recurring themes in different contexts. it was mind-numbing, intoxicating stuff. i was left speechless and a little shocked by the time it was over.

now for the other side of the experience. the entire time, i found myself comparing between how i felt spending time with aaa and how i felt spending time with gd. i'd spent mere minutes talking with gd, and there aaa and i were on our third date with no spark apparent and not even an indication of a desire for physical contact. i felt like a real heel, thinking like this and comparing between the two, and i continually wondered if i was unfairly letting gd influence the way the date was going.

the word for the evening was "dispassionate". i wasn't interested in continuing the date and i gallantly waited with aaa for her metro, during which time a very strong nothing happened. i hopped on my metro thinking that that felt like a "no".

marmite, then bed. i had a big day to prepare for.

[continued...]

april 1st

there's a man outside with a leafblower going up and down the parking lot and making a lot of noise. i watched him for a few moments, fascinated by the fact that there're no leaves to be seen anywhere. he must be doing a particularly good job.

---it's gotta be the yoga, i woke up yesterday feeling indescribably relaxed and comfortable, and "well"... i didn't want to get out of bed at all. i woke up this morning feeling the same. is this a thing? i really want it to be a thing.

i wanted to do something for april fool's, and settled on posting what i thought was ridiculously obvious: i've decided it's time for another tattoo... i'm thinking on my lower back this time. something tribal, maybe? what do you guys think?
some of the responses were in on the joke and hysterically funny, some of them were just as funny but surprised me with their seriousness - it was such fun! i got a few good laughs out of it, which i'd soon discover that i'd really need...

---the h&r "specialist" i had an appointment with is a russian with bad english. for an hour we talked at cross purposes and struggled over all the tax rules and the documentation that i'd brought. half the time she was trying to explain things to me that didn't need explaining, generating immense confusion. the entire process was tedious to say the least, but eventually we got through it.

now, the way people here have been talking about tax returns i understood that it's something that you have to do, but that by and large the tax that's automatically taken out of each salary payment is usually too much and that if one does things correctly one can expect a bit of cash back. the only disappointment i was expecting was to walk away $120 poorer (the 80 that i was quoted for the filing, and another 40 for reprinting the supporting documentation).

i felt like my chair had been pulled out from under me when she explained that i owe the canadian government $1000. i was shocked, i was unhappy, and it took the woman a while to explain this to me (albeit unsatisfactorily) - i even sent messages to aota and newk'd to verify that what she was saying made any sort of sense. before they could respond, though, the woman hit me with a bigger surprise.

i felt like the ground had opened up beneath me when she explained that in addition to owing the canadian government $1000, i owe québéc $2000. i went from shocked to traumatized, and was horrified when both aota and newk'd told me that this kind of thing is normal. then how the hell has nobody even mentioned this before?!?!

why is godmother, who's lived here for thirty years, also surprised?!

this was all bad enough, but to add insult to injury i was then informed that having h&r fill out my forms for me would actually cost $300.
"i'm so sorry," she informed me, "but it's the system, not me."

beneath the distress, anger bubbled. i will not be robbed on top of being robbed. i explained that they'd quoted me at 80, and that i wouldn't be paying more than 80. she seemed genuinely sorry, and i tried to explain that i was grateful for her services but that i would be taking my custom elsewhere. i took all my documentation and i walked. thinking about how very stupid they are for being dishonest... or at least not forthcoming with their quotes... because the poor woman just struggled through an hour of providing me the best service she could and nobody's going to see a cent for it.

*shakes head*

i kept hoping she'd call me back and yell "april fool" into the phone, tell me that it was all a shitty prank and that i should come back to finish filing and receive my return :(

---i sat in the food court forcing myself to eat and breathe and re-evaluate my position. i cooled down a bit when i realized that this puts me into my worst-case scenario of having to find a job within a month and a half before having to leave. not much consolation, but consolation nonetheless. i had a date scheduled for the afternoon and i would've cancelled otherwise. there's no point going on a date in a distressed state.

so i had my first coffee and reworked a bit of my comic script, then hurried home. i had little time between arriving home and leaving for the date, and most of it was consumed with communicating. the most important call was with my mother, who's offered a backup plan that relieves a solid layer of stress.

---the date? i thought it was really nice and that we had a good time. she was more attractive than in her photos, she's fascinating and she speaks in imperfect english with a really cute british accent (she's french but lived in england); when we said goodbye she sent me a massively mixed signal by gripping my arm in a way that could either mean she didn't want to let go OR that she's pitying me because she did. considering the fact that she hasn't responded to a message i sent her last night i'm guessing it's the latter. which is a bummer.

...

when i wanted to pay and leave there was a sudden influx of customers - one of whom shamelessly cut in front of me, which was weird, and even weirder when she apologized after she'd paid. then i was facing the girl behind the counter with a long line behind me, trying to explain in french that i wanted to pay for our coffees and "delay" a bowl of soup. there was nothing complicated about what i was saying, but she couldn't understand me and after trying twice i said it in english.
so then she got loud. "OH. YOU WANT TO PAY? FOR YOUR COFFEE? THANK YOU! AND YOU WANT TO DELAY A SOUP! THANK YOU!" she shared with the entire building.

i was so embarrassed :$

---rush hour on the metro. ugh.

for the first time in ages i went to jiu-jitsu. i really had trouble with last night's exercises and i was feeling a bit stupid. then there was an exercise where i was sure that my partner was doing it wrong. i tried to explain it to him but he showed me why i was confused, so i apologized for wasting his time and gave him some of my "turn" as compensation. then zahabi called us all in to explain that a few of us were off, and in slow-motion showed us precisely what i'd been trying to explain in the first place.

so there was that...

the dude destroyed me during rolling, i just couldn't get my shit together. i cut early to prepare for kickboxing. i was telling the jolly moroccan about my april fool's prank and my yoga instructor asked me what a "tramp stamp" is. when i told her, she was mortified because... she has one.
*facepalm*
between that and the shark thing, i'm going to need to vet everything i say in front of her before i open my mouth :P

the amount of leg kicks we had to absorb last night was ridiculous. i walked out thinking "the beatings continued and morale improved", went home and spent the next hour or so applying ice packs and watching thérèse. it's weird seeing audrey tautou playing not-amélie right after seeing amélie. i barely understood what was going on. i'm going to need to re-watch it until i do.

---i was supposed to meet with vfmp this morning but he's been unreachable. instead, i applied for a couple of jobs and wrote this. now i'm going to do some studying.

hard body

i went to the gym early to work with kgb. he can't make the beginner classes so it's up to me to get him ready for the advanced ones; we covered a lot of ground today. he has a problem with one of his shoulders, which he can use but cannot rotate, so a couple of the strikes needed a bit of improvisation. when i took him to work on the appropriate bag, one of the professional teachers came over to correct the improvisation, apologizing profusely when we explained the cause. what was extremely gratifying is that the exact expression he used was "look carefully at what he's showing you, you need to be doing that."

it's nice to be appreciated ^_^

after spending an hour with kgb, i did jiu-jitsu and then kickboxing. we had a guest jiu-jitsu instructor who said some very interesting things and gave us some fun (and very difficult) exercises to do! the girl she demonstrated on had a beautiful tattoo on her foot, which i was under the impression was a tricky thing to get right - perhaps my idea for a second (and third, i guess) tattoo isn't so far-fetched after all? anyway, both the instructor and the girl are sexy enough that i had to keep checking myself so i'd know what was going on :P

afterwards i rolled with vfmp for a round, which was tough, and then with a stranger which was even tougher because the guy had good technique AND was heavier than me. i was completely worn out after that, i'd expended so much energy it was ridiculous - but i definitely learned a lot from the lesson and overall i've improved dramatically after the past few months. as physically demanding as it is, it's even more of a mental game and i'm at least starting to think right.

it was not a good night for the gym: someone took a hard knee to the nuts without a cup during sparring, and a real fight almost broke out between one of the big boys and a fiesty beginner. a lot of us would have happily watched those two get in the ring together, but actual street-fighting is totally uncool :/

kickboxing was great - it didn't really matter that it was beginner's and not advanced. the girl i worked with learned quickly, i taught her how to hold the pads for me and she worked me hard. the coach added a few crazy exercises to the usual ones and wouldn't let us quit, and considering the workout i'd gotten prior to the class i was well impressed with myself for not being dizzy at the end. i was exhausted, but feeling good!

---the day was spent reading harry potter and doing french lessons. and napping, at some point i just couldn't keep my eyes open. and it's not like i'm not sleeping full nights. hmm :(

this mornimg i prepared a farewell email for pulse but decided to save it and see if she really wouldn't get back to me. when i returned from training i sent it as an sms, to which i got a response that was positively indecisive [ambiguity intended]. i don't know how i feel about that, so i'm not thinking about it.

a "no" recovery

i tried to get some work done yesterday in spite of the holiday and began by synchronizing my code with the svn... which somebody had checked in to with broken code. when i got to the office today (yes, saturday, i know, thanks), one of darn's crew was there and he told me that's it's been like that for two days and nobody knows how to fix it.

in case that doesn't give you a hint as to the quality of developers i'm working with, let me say that the more hours i work with our code directly the more i realize that these assholes have either misunderstood or overcomplicated all of the solutions i've provided them with and i now understand why everything's taken so long.

"if you want something done right": well, i don't have enough man-hours in me. quite frankly, i don't think i have what it takes to get good code out of these guys. some manager *i* turned out to be :(

---yesterday:

i tried to nap because i felt terrible and had the shivers and ended up just lying wrapped up and praying that i wasn't sick. i can't be sick. not now. unfortunately willing myself to health isn't really my thing. i dragged myself out of bed and took the metro to de la concorde, which is "across the border" in laval and is an absolutely stunning metro station. i sat waiting for bnw on a bench in the sun, which warmed me almost enough to offset the cold breeze. i don't know why i left the house without my sunglasses. i really needed them.

so: bnw. she's almost done with the convention circuit (next weekend is montreal's comiccon, we'll both be busy with that), but she's decided that she's in ^_^
i'll be paying a symbolic fee per page and we'll share the rights* and the profits. super-exciting!

* to the artwork, not the project. the project is mine.

she's colombian and she made really, really good filter coffee that tasted just how i'd expected it to taste - magic! after spending some time playing with the outlines for the first few pages we talked a lot, mostly about the social differences between quebec and the countries we come from but also about israel and the middle eastern conflict. always a sensitive issue :(

i was planning on returning home for dinner but we talked so much her husband came home; bnw wasn't wrong, the two of us have a lot in common. and all three of us have similar tastes in music and gaming, in addition to aerospace (he works for one of the big ones i'd like to work for). hah!

we would have carried on talking but he was hungry and they weren't eating anything i would have, so they forced their copy of bioshock 2 on me (even though i'm pretty certain i won't get a chance to play it) and walked me out.

it was cold, but in spite of my still feeling awful and headachey i was in good spirits.

---flesh & blood is pretty cool. i wish i'd finished eating dinner before watching it, though. i usually have a strong stomache for gore but a couple of moments shocked me enough to make it hard to swallow. if the words "testicle piercing" have any effect on you, consider yourself warned.

---i went to bed relatively early, and got up relatively early. i had breakfast and tylenol before returning to bed for a while. still feeling rough.

eventually i got up and dragged myself off to the office. it didn't really make a difference where i was (now that i have a keyboard at home) but it was easier to focus and i guess if i hadn't been able to talk to anyone i would've wasted more than just an hour or so on finding the last unbroken version.

i spent all day on my task, properly consolidating my opinions on megaman, darn, my team and my company. let's just say i'm not deeply satisfied with any of them, but as my satisfaction is not what they're paying me for i'm going to keep on trucking.
i got through a sizable chunk of what i needed to get done and then called it a day.

at least i'm feeling a little better.

i came home to do laundry and watch a bit of trigun and community, but the plan changed a bit because netflix seems to have removed season 4 of the latter while i was halfway through! not cool, netflix, not cool.

i watched most of in time instead even though it stars justin timberlake. he's not an unwatchable part of the film, for once, but the script is quite bad. better-than-mediocre idea with uninspired writing: i'm surprised i sat through so much of it.

i seem to be getting used to the online dating world and it looks like i might be going on an actual date soon. the worst part of this scene is not knowing how your date looks in real life...

---shakespeare with a shakespearean accent? that sounds righteous!

bar's out

well - i had to wait six years to put my tongue bar back in; it's a year and a half later and i've finally decided that it's not worth the limitations. goodbye, vestige of a childhood.

---thursday:

bladed to university, left my shoes in my locker. i hope i don't get stopped at the entrance, because then i'd have to tread barefoot all the way to my shoes.

first class: tons of exercise carrying the giant speaker from the student union to the classroom. only to discover that the cable we'd been provided with was absolutely useless.

rushing between classes (and returning the speaker) to grab a bowl of noodles, and eating while walking was kinda weird.

---sonnets. between wyatt, spenser and shakespeare we had ourselves a field day - only one example from each, but it was nothing short of inspirational. unfortunately, i ruined shakespeare's first sonnet for everyone - the lecturer didn't want to continue - by suggesting arnold schwarzenegger's role in junior as an example of increase being brought about in a male subject...

i tend to say a lot during most of my classes, and i'm always worried about being "that guy", the one vocal idiot who's always ruining it for everyone else. i'm always careful (or, i try to be) to give others a chance to speak and sometimes i open my mouth and feel bad for doing so. that's usually the end of it, except that when this class was over co-conspirator made a remark about the quantity that i share and the lecturer pounced: "are you trying to shut him up?". when i put forth that i *had* felt like i'd gone too far, i was taken completely by surprise by an aggressive outburst from another student: "NO! please! don't stop! i also hate it when people talk too much, but everything YOU say is intelligent and interesting!"
she went on a little more than that, and i was overwhelmed and a bit flustered... very pleased, though. i hope i appeared to be as flattered and grateful for the compliment as i am.

anyway, the sonnet masters blow my mind (all the italians included), and analysing their works is intense.

---it was then time for the orientation course - we have a schedule problem, and we're definitely going to have to sort this out. my part of the lecture didn't go nearly as well as i'd planned...

i bladed home to pick something up that needed to go to work, and occupied myself there for a few hours before returning to watch an episode and a bit of the wire (i passed out after the "bit"). i went to bed early, and slept well.

---friday:

i spent the morning deciding whether to continue working with flex and upgrading my sdk. then i met up with sorter and we went to play on the roof of my apartment's patio. it took a couple of hours and it doesn't look like much, but it's cheap and i suspect it might just do the trick! and if it doesn't, then we were all wrong about the source of the problem and i didn't spend thousands of shekels on something unrelated.

i spent the afternoon coding and blogging, and fighting with pg over rubbish (i think we both feel bad about that), then went to her parents for dinner. i ate too much and have been doing so a lot lately. i suspect it's related to the sleep deprivation. after dinner we played with magnet balls, and it turns out i have a knack for them :)

---today:

waking up early, getting picked up by cousins to make a video for kc's wedding. it was a really fun morning filled with hilarity, which was followed by a huge lunch at her parents' which was absolutely delicious but demanded siesta. i woke up and had a loooooong talk with my mother (we eventually understood each other, we're apparently in interesting times) and am waiting for botchman to get in touch with me because i've had a magnificent artistic idea and i need to put together a group to execute it }:D

now for a movie, or something.

---anti-vaccination crisis - they were going too far from the beginning, but this?!

the boost

pg and i went to bed early last night, and that didn't make waking up any easier. in fact, i'm prone to assume that all this sleeping has done me nothing but harm - this morning i felt positively ill.

it took so long to get out of bed that i hardly had time to cover the basic differences between java, asp and jsp - but it turned out that i didn't need to know any of it anyway.

---
i arrived for the testing about half an hour late, as i'd taken a severely wrong turn and been taunted by rain in addition to being lost. good thing i wore my ski jacket!

i was briefed (briefly, by a man who can barely speak) and seated in front of a station in a conference room packed with people hunched over their monitors and apparently fretting. instead of jsp, i was offered a choice between c++ and java: considering that i'd interviewed for jsp, i assumed java was the way to go, even though i would probably have handled the c++ more effectively.

first order of business: check message validity according to a provided protocol. aside from getting around java's enum with a regular class (because enums in java *suck*), it was all fairly straightforward... i wrote everything in visual studio because that's what opened automatically, but only once i was ready to compile did i realize that there was another ide available that was actually helpful.
then i got a bit stuck: i'd glossed over a minor detail in the instructions, and it took me a frustrated few minutes to figure it out. no matter! i required regex handling, and java's String class provides!
problem solved.

second order of business:
"okay, so i forgot to tell you that there's a performance requirement. your code runs in 2.5s - unacceptable. if you can just bring it down to below 1s..."
playing with my structures didn't make any difference; it suddenly struck me that i had no idea how complex the aformentioned regex matcher is. i rewrote a highly simplified version of it to see if it'd help me reduce my performance.

less than 400ms. all good.

third order of business: linux ftp, installation, editing and compilation. you have got to be shitting me. it had all the instructions, we just had to follow them. do applicants fail this section? really?!
the challenge was in the fact that one of the virtual machines (thank you, vmware) was so damn slow that the two of us who had completed the first bit were stuck waiting for about half an hour for the system to boot, and it was a half an hour where the "invigilator" wasn't around. at least i had my iphone with me, and i always have reading to do (thank you, kindle app!).

we couldn't even call the guy, because in his infinite wisdom he wrote down the wrong phone number on the board. wtf?! where do all these monkeys come from?! developers need to work with numbers, for chrissake!

last order of business: redesign a ui based on received complaints. all very basic stuff, and the only mistake i made was actually using the simulation software correctly when all we had to do was create something exportable to pdf. i really pulled out all the stops on that one.

everyone shuffled out when he yelled "time!", and i was done. i'm fairly certain i'm the only one who finished.

---
i walked out after almost four hours of testing and not a hint of caffeine, with a massive headache that had been following me since getting out of bed, feeling good about myself and not particularly affectionate towards a company that can make CS graduates feel stupid. one of the guys caught up with me to vent his frustration at not so much as completing the first part, and i explained to him that he's applying for a job programming and that's not what he studied.

i gave him a few pointers, i hope they help. poor bastard claims never to have failed at anything in his life before - i told him now's as good a time as any to begin. you can't succeed if you don't know how to screw up. don't they teach this stuff anywhere?

i walked into work, met with the boss, made myself a quick tuna-mayonnaise sandwich, drank coffee and sat down at my desk to... discover that i had half an hour to get to a mandatory guest lecture that i'd completely forgotten about :S

i ran out telling the boss that, officially, our meeting had been over the phone :P

---
i arrived *just* in time for an argument with one of the vegans in our rollerblading group, then settled down to hear a talk about diderot. it was an interesting talk with an intriguing point: the fact that the virtuous "ME" (or "MOI", if you're reading the french) doesn't push the argument in either direction bears witness to his sense of justice.

at the end of the session i made an ass of myself by having a go at him about his abuse of the word "happiness" and a bad example that he gave, to which he responded fairly well. i was applauded for telling him that i'd like to see him telling his best friend that he's not going to be happy with the woman he's marrying, and for backing that up with an argument that you can't say that someone who claims to be unhappy is wrong.
when his response to that ended with "that could just be self-delusion", i immediately quipped "isn't everything?" - one of the hosts immediately stood up and informed us that we were out of time.

one of my fellow students scowled at me afterwards for my inability to grasp that absolutist moralism is completely correct. what? because mommy and daddy told you so?!

in spite of its relevance, i shouldn't have tried to talk about in praise of doubt. i confused everyone because i couldn't actually put my reference in the form of a question :$

---
i waited for pg for a few minutes, who turned out to be a decidedly bad influence - instead of going to work for an hour, i went home and tried to rest. that was a really good idea. so was the thai food on the way: i see people smiling, and can only assume that they're enjoying the fantastic idea of walking with chopsticks in small cardboard take-away. i know i do.

---
once i'd determined that feeling sick and exercising are not known causes for auto-immune diseases (as much as i could), i re-laced my blades, quaffed an energy drink and joined pg and her mum on the way to the group. it was a good ride, although some of it was spent fighting with pg about the semi-planned ski-trip. unpleasant, but better to sort these things out before arriving there and being horribly disappointed:

i'm big into snowboarding. i don't know if that comes out so much on my blog, but i'm a complete addict and i enjoy letting go and doing stupid things like flying down mountain slopes at silly angles and pushing the experience as far as i can go, mostly less safely than is wise.

pg is happy to just ski, but with me. i thought we were talking about going together, meeting up for lunches and spending the evenings together while the rest of the time we'd be taking classes and going wild... but after some deliberation, it dawned on me that it's a different kind of ski-trip than i'm used to. if it's my money and not a romantic holiday, it's different. if it's hers ('cause i can't afford it right now) and it is, then i'll not only take what i can get but i'll enjoy it thoroughly - it's just a different headspace. it'll still be freakin' AWESOME to be strapped in and sliding, but it won't be about the challenge.

i can handle that.

---
after a pleasant course through the religious city of bnei brak, the lord gently informed us that that sort of behaviour has consequences by opening up the skies on our heads. we slipped and skidded home completely soaked.

---
physical notes for the day:

i've had a headache until soon after getting back from the rollerblading, and on my way into campus the right side of my jaw made an ugly cracking sound and it's been hurting me since.

i think *touches wood* that my helix has healed. i hope so, because i want to put the ring back already! this teflon thing doesn't have the look.

in order to combat dandruff (and i have hair now, so this is an issue) i've been doing the head & shoulders thing for a few days straight. i think it's made my hair breakable.

...

it's now past 4am, i've done most of the readings and i think i'm back in tune with my sleepless reality.

outflow

i'm back from playing ultimate frisbee for the very first time - great game! damn near killed me, though... i'm going to have to practice while i'm away... so i have two things to keep me physically occupied: frisbee and martial arts. it'll be good :)

---
the hardware dude convinced me (with a verification call before leaving work) to get home at 2pm... and then only arrived more than half an hour later :/
he did bring me a going-away present, though (a much appreciated one) and he did good work for less money than the guy who *didn't* rock up the morning before :P

that time was more than enough for me to discover the dirt beneath the couch - i haven't moved it in a while :$

i returned to work, and between the lead and i we finally closed a nasty chapter in our development history :)

i said goodbye to everyone (except the boss, who was busy), and rushed off to tahoma's birthday picnic. on the bus to jaffa, i realized what everyone's been laughing about... the new stickers on police cars inspired the following thought: if i see something that needs to be reported, i'm going to call them up and say "hello! i'd like to participate in the war against crime." before giving them any useful information :P

jaffa has a giant indoor flea market called "supershuk", which translates to "supermarket" :P

i passed a little girl walking in tears, and wished that there was some appropriate / helpful reaction.

the sunset picnic was pretty cool; it was great seeing tahoma and his fiancé, and a couple of the guys from work rocked up eventually and it was nice chatting with them. one of them gave me a ride to the central station - i needed to be at home to meet with someone (who didn't pitch) - the station intrigues me every time as a haven for tangled masses of uncensored and unbleached humanity. the expression "human swarm" comes to mind.

i find it really easy to connect.

i showered and shopped, then went to bed early.

...

i was supposed to wake up at 9.30am on friday to do some things; at 11.30 i got up to a phone call asking where i was. i hopped on the bus and eventually managed to find the place in spite of awfully bad directions... there's a new area in south tel aviv that's just opened up, and it's really nice. breakfast was good, cheap, and fun.

as usual, piles and i had a lot of serious stuff to talk about, like music and studies... i'm still in mentor mode with him :P

he gave me a ride to piercer, who cleaned me up (i haven't been hard enough with my helix) before we did the chilling-on-the-bench chatting and staring at the passers-by. really interesting people :)

i visited the taekwondo group - the instructor just doesn't get why i'm not coming back, even though i keep explaining it to her. i was shocked to see how poorly the students are doing :S

my final sunset roll for the summer was amazing! and educational - one of the guys had a go at me because he didn't like the way i was reacting to idiots hooting. i heard him out, and tried his way - much better. every time someone hooted, we waved and said thanks. the irritated drivers were made to feel silly, and for the rest there's not a lot of positive to be done.

i had thirty minutes to cool down, shower and be ready for the date with pretty girl (pg). the weather wasn't particularly supportive: we walked to the rogatka, and her pace was fast enough to break a sweat :P

strangely awesome vegans? the place is very much to my liking, and the only vegan item they have are hotdogs. everything else is cheap liqor. we drank - and i can drink again! :P

dafna and the cookies gave an amazing performance! two hours, with some really fun and funny adlibbing, and some sounds that were powerful enough to get me high. brilliant! and pg seemed to be enjoying herself, too :)
we had a last round before heading out, and went through my favourite park on the way. i'm guessing we spent at least an hour on the swings, talking and singing and... wait. singing? wow! that *never* happens!

we almost stopped for waffles but continued to my place, where we watched three episodes of invader zim before i walked her home (practically next door). the goodbye was shy but smily, as the entire evening had been. i walked home with a giant grin and a bouncy gait ^_^

---
karnaf woke me up with a coffee call - we sat chatting for quite a while before i went south to have the chef's breakfast with urchin. great breakfast :)
the talk was great too - she's been offered an opportunity to exhibit her photography soon :)

urchin came with me to pick up a key, and made me a really grand offer - she's willing to take care of anything that i don't manage to sort out before i go... *breathes easier*

i was going to begin sorting out my apartment, but decided that a last frisbee session would be a better idea :)

---
i am *SO* glad that i went on that date last night! stupid as it may have been (considering that i'm leaving so soon), i had an amazing time and have met someone that i really like. the alternative was not meeting her, so my only concern is whether or when to be in touch before i go...

---
i dig piraro

comic instructions are exactly what i needed. they don't make me feel any more comfortable with the idea, however...

lists:
weird creatures
super powers
mental conditions

this is how i feel right now :)

the trade

the first item on today's agenda was buying dystopia's WOW cards. i discovered that while the food at kauai may be good and healthy, three panels of the menu were filled with items whose names i cannot bring myself to say out loud in a public forum.

i will never ask for a "rooster booster burger", and the day i ask for a "princess wrap" is the day i walk out wearing a tutu. even the drinks' names have been emasculated. and while the wrap that i did order was good, the peanut butter smoothie contained a giant rubbery egg that began to split when i neared the bottom of the cup, and that was incredibly off-putting.

i arrived back in sea point just in time for my appointment to get my neck waxed... my tat's had a haircut and is no longer sporting a 'fro.

i spent the rest of the afternoon watching futurama, then met up with sweetiepie for a beer. on the way i was disappointed to learn that there is no trance party on the weekend, and i was kinda relying on that as a solid send-off. *expletive deleted here*

my mom and i had dinner with some english cousins, which was really nice. unlike israel, in south africa i can ask for a steak just shy of medium rare and expect to get it as such. and the quantity and quality of the meat is fantastic.

i'm exhausted, and depressed that i'm leaving so soon.

how wasteful. i feel bad.

i lie, too. honest!

we began testing our hospital project at 11am. msn messenger was down, so i convinced the girl (woman?) i'm working with to try using irc. turns out she has a mac. so i found her the link for ircle. we were talking on the phone at the time, and when she found the link, she said "oh, damn, i'm going to have to download and install it... no wait! it's already running on my machine!"

damn you, bill gates. damn you. i am SO jealous of mac users right now.

the first couple of things went smoothly, and then we had problems with the flash xml. i've been trying desperately for weeks (whenever i've had a good moment, of course) to find out how regular asp receives xml that's sent by flash. none of the documentation online is very helpful.

after wasting an hour during testing trying to figure out why it wasn't working, i just thought "screw this", and decided we'd do it the trial and error way. and it turned out to be so -ridiculously- simple. and my side of the app worked first time!

FYI: asp's Request.Form object IS the xml... it's a STRING of xml even... it's ONLY a string of xml... it would have been SO much easier if someone could have bloody well SAID that straight up.

so we finished the first part of the test around 2pm, and will continue during the week - at least now i can continue with the rest of the things, knowing how to do them... the rest of the testing will be for stupid errors. i wish i was protected from those.

i spent the rest of the afternoon playing counterstrike and watching full metal jacket. i can't say it's not an inspiring movie, but being a real soldier (as opposed to a desk jockey) is not my way. i'd love to, but just for kicks.

and this weekend keeps reinforcing my need to get my tattoo done and get re-pierced. so meaningless in the grand scheme of things, yet so important to me. i can't figure that one out.

i did some practice TOEFL exams. i might have to take them at some stage because i got my degree in a country where the national language isn't english. what scares me is that i kept getting 18 or 19 out of 20, when i really should have been getting full marks.

creepy.

i need to start getting into math. i need to get some exercise (i'm smoking whey-hey too much). i need to start finishing the hospital project. i need to get cracking on the projects spot and i came up with. i need to clean my apartment.

and all i can do is play with my new computer's settings so it looks neat. and obsessively searching for a poster of luis royo's on the southern beaches for my room. i don't get whatever it is that motivates me.