the rush - part iii

[... continued]

---friday:

i woke up sleepy, gd had a migraine and the team was giving me a bit of a headache myself. i called up the laser hair clinic, and was annoyed by the receptionist's questioning of my judgement of whether or not i can tell if the line of my beard has changed in the manner i described. she then gave me a choice of seeing the same technician or a different one, when the latter would most obviously make things awkward and uncomfortable.

:S

i met up with the girlfriend of the guy who's taking over my lease; the presentation of their deposit and figuring out that we don't have any more paperwork to take care of took much longer than i would have anticipated. i can't say that i'm positively impressed by their inability to take more cash than my deposit is worth and return the change because their software won't allow it. that's just dumb.

in general friday was a disaster because i ran out of junk food. the only things in the vending machine were kind of alright, but nothing satisfying. although, in retrospect, i guess not much satisfies me when i'm spending all day staring at source code.

the success of the day was in killing bugs while trying to do other things. i was deadly tired and was trying to avoid another cup of coffee... suddenly it was 4.30pm and i was trying to keep focus with doof sounds when the manager pulled out the bottle of ouzo i'd brought and we all had a few sips. what timing!

i cleaned up a bit, chatted with my mother and left feeling relaxed and ready for a weekend!

the entry to the weekend would have been a little lighter had my walk home not been past an angry-looking asshole dragging his dog on a tight leash, and the aggression i felt reminded me of a drunk guy who'd awkwardly flirted with gd on wednesday night and upset both of us.

i love hurrying to wait twenty minutes... especially as i was exhausted, and desperate to shut my brain down. instead, i had a large cup of coffee and called gd (we hadn't had a chance to talk yet, so that was good), and when rabbit finally arrived we had a decidedly productive and positive poetry session.

it would have been that much more enjoyable had i not had to suppress my rage at finding some asshole's gum stuck to the TOP of my seat; and i'd only moved to that table to get away from the tinny noises from some kid's cellphone which were annoying the crap out of me. that's quite the generation i was loving just then.

i came home, poured myself a rum and we connected gd's apple tv to watch bill plympton's cheatin' on vimeo. i've been waiting to see it since i backed the kickstarter last february, and omg was it worth the wait! it's a wonderful movie, and if you're not sure why you should watch it then take a look at reel.

i ate too much ice cream. by the time i was ready to call it a night i'd been asleep at the wheel for a while and i was suffering a bad case of rls.

---saturday:

after a struggle to get up, i put on paul simon - graceland, grabbed a cup of coffee and got stuck into our team's indiegogo campaign. it's been the motivation i've needed to take my game to the next level. i think i mentioned that before but i'm too tired to check right now. i sent an email to vector explaining that i'm deeply disappointed and that we won't be continuing to work together - we'll be seeing each other on thursday at godmother's, i hope things will be cool with him.

it was a beautiful, sunny morning. i took my pants to the dry cleaner's but the woman shook her head sadly and refused. i did some shopping on my way back, and as i walked out the store i watched a tiny child doing the kiddies' drunken swagger to the exit, and as i turned around caught sight of someone searching amongst the cashiers. i managed to connect the two quickly enough that i didn't need to drop everything and launch myself after the little one, the thought of which made me uncomfortable primarily because i can't speak french well and communicating "danger" and "i'm not going to hurt you" are not even remotely accessible to me when i need them. the mortified look on the man's face tells me everything i need to know about how easily parents can fuck up regardless of whether or not they think they're immune.

[continued...]

the rush - part ii

[... continued]

it's monday morning and i have a busy schedule to prepare for... but i've got to finish at least some of this, and last night i felt absolutely horrible. i'm feeling much, much better now.

---wednesday:

at 5am i woke up and had a flash of inspiration - i had an idea a while back and with the tools that i've been exposed to at work i now have a good way to do it!

it was a nice morning but a dispassionate one. i spent it managing tricky fixes and realized late that i'd forgotten to put my lunch in the fridge. fortunately it was okay.

on wednesday i received a mandate to run loadtesting: i've been doing that since. i like breaking things "the right way".

my shoulder and neck began hurting. a man in the bathroom standing right behind me to take a drying towel raised his head to smile at me in the mirror, which was super-creepy. i had pre-performance nerves, but i had no time pressure as it was my first day since i started that i'd gotten enough hours done before 6pm; the power of a short lunch :)

i was on the metro already when i realized that i'd left the tripod at home. when i got to le dépanneur café i found a really dodgy substitute and for the first half of the evening i didn't trust it to hold, so i held on to the camera with my hand and it shook every time i cramped up :(

i was not impressed by my team. i'd asked them to record video using their phones so that we could get different angles, and they couldn't be bothered.

my performance wasn't fantastic, but it really wasn't bad. things were rather awkward though, because our host left rabbit out of the evening and we're all to new and inexperienced to know that we can and should be shouting "hey! what about rabbit?!" :$

kyra shaughnessy sang a few songs. she's AMAZING (and you can hear her for free). brandon wint and nasra adem's poetry was beautiful, too, though there were some pieces i just couldn't connect with.

the guy working le dépanneur café was entirely unwelcoming.

i made a note about "gd and i talking properly" but while i suspect that our conversation involved the nature of reality and the importance of written words and memories it's been too long to recall :/

we stretched a bit and i sent off some thank yous for the event and suddenly it was 2am...

at least google play music works on ipad!!! even if you do have to search through iphone apps to find it.

---thursday:

it was a good, slow morning. i was nominated for the ice bucket challenge.

i arrived at work late and felt slowed down. it bothered me that the cleaners were taking care of our little coffee / microwave room at lunchtime, their timing could have been better. i spent my extended lunch hour working to set up a new website for the throw poetry collective and connect all other services and things.

i was very busy with taking pride in my work; i came across something that was written badly (using sync functions in node is not a good idea) and spent ten minutes rewriting it... only to discover that the undesirable behaviour had side-effects that the previous developers were using and so fixing it broke everything.

#$!@.

oh gods, a guy one cubicle over was being a total douchebag about als awareness when one of the girls was talking about it. it was a struggle to keep my mouth shut.

kickboxing: a tough training session, my first holding my hands up muay thai-style and my biceps were burning. towards the end i developed a serious stitch that was prolonged and extremely painful.

i got home and learned that my mother's bank account has been emptied by hackers, and after we talked about it we're convinced it was an inside job between the bank, her mobile provider or both. it was a freakishly sophisticated attack and there really wasn't much she could have done to protect herself. except maybe use a bank that double-checks suspicious activity with as much fervor as it double-checks legitimate activity.

i was exhausted when i got home. i caught up with SxS, did some small things online (like completing the first volume of saga for gd) and went to bed just after discovering that my laser hair removal treatment wasn't done along the line *i* shaved. i'm going back this evening for a redo, i can't believe how dumb the technician is.

[continued...]

on the offensive - part iii

[... continued]

---i posted an ad for my apartment in the morning, with gd's guidance for the french translation, and contacted the office to hear that they'd finally sent off my permit application. at least i'm finally waiting on the people i *should* be waiting on...

i met up with rabbit at midi 6, had lunch before moving to a nearby coffee shop while we planned and schemed. i've got a good sense of what's been happening and i've pushed her to be a little less compromising on her role as captain. we talked plans for sunday's slam and then merch ideas into the ground.

the "god shot" espresso was interesting, but i won't be drinking it again.

we did a little bit of poetry crit, and then rabbit had to leave - just as gd was returning from studiotec.

...

someone had suggested to gd that she might be pregnant. she's certain she's not, but neither of us would be unhappy if that was the case. that's a great place to be, i think :)

...

hannibal is a good series, and i think so even though i'm not invested. it's dark and sneaky, most of the characters are pretty convincing and in general it's fun to watch and think about.

i posted pre-boxing, then hurried out to make the class on time. warming up felt like being in a sauna, and i worked as hard as i could but halfway through my arms started failing. we ended the class with a really tough session on the bags and conditioning... it was all i could do to muster enough strength to finish the conditioning, and i was so weak and dizzy that i sat in a corner nibbling on a clif bar until i could get up without wobbling.

i did a quick shopping run, washed some dishes and had the full salad alone for the first time in a long time. i returned to gd's and vegged out in front of loads more hannibal, and then we went to bed.

---yesterday:

what's up with the sexism here? is it just more noticeable than elsewhere? gd was telling me an aggravating story about a stupid taxi driver she'd encountered, and i was as upset with her for not reporting him as i was with him for being an asshole.

i ran into a friend from the gym on the metro, and she convinced me to copy my ad from kijiji to craigslist if i want to find a replacement quickly. so that's what i did when i got home... instead of getting some sleep, which i needed because i was still pretty tired. also in lieu of sleep was my running off to print flyers and take them to l'artère. on the way i'd manage to wash my feet with rain water... flip-flops. not so good for my arches, not so good for keeping my feet clean, and not so good for keeping dry.

i had a tasty but not-so-protein-y lunch while trying to clean up my netbook, finding a whole bunch of things that i need to expose gd to before trashing. i stepped out into a gorgeous, sunny afternoon to meet up with vector and introduce him to my comics. some of the introduction was simple, some of it difficult, but he's suggested a little rewrite to the beginning that makes a whole lot of sense, and he's really excited to be a part of the project. even if i just end up with him, things are looking up!

after a couple of hours with him, i went home and chatted to my mother. after settling on a plan to keep me afloat while i wait for my permit to be authorized, she made a comment about wanting to switch back to blackberry because her iphone's emailing is screwed up and i decided to give her some support.

$%#@!!!

she's had a very frustrating time with her iphone because the professional idiots providing tech support for her isp are utterly incompetent. their antiquated mail servers are incompatible with iphones, and so i helped her configure her gmail account so that she can use it and still keep her old email address. setting up gmail for that wasn't a problem, but connecting her phone to her gmail account?

firstly, an alert saying "network error" is NOT the same as one saying "device not authorized, use https://www.google.com/accounts/DisplayUnlockCaptcha". i would love to find all those responsible for that special little gem, grab each one by the collar and slap them silly.

secondly, iphone's inability to allow gmail users to send using aliases is stunningly backward and primitive. we only found this workaround today, and between skype screen sharing and talking my mother through each iphone step the process of setting up her email has been a long, drawn-out and rage-inducing nightmare. it might have taken five minutes if i had her phone and passwords in hand, but at the end of the day i want *her* to be able to do this shit herself and iphone, famous for its simplicity and ease-of-use, has failed abysmally.

so we've taken a break and we're going to try again tomorrow or something. in the meanwhile, at least she can receive and reply to emails correctly. that's something.

[continued...]

signing, writing, seeing

tuesday:

i ran out to print, sign and scan a form to get the ball rolling... finally! after two weeks of silence. today i signed another couple of forms and if i'm not mistaken the lawyers are going to be taking it from here. so that's very cool. in the meanwhile i'm going to put as much of my expenses on my credit card instead of my debit card, because my bank account is getting down to the wire and i should, theoretically, have received my first paycheck in time to not be in trouble...

i sat down at starbucks with my coffee, opened my kindle and grimaced at the low battery warning it flashed me. fortunately, it held until i was done.

when i came home i drafted a poem in response to high school shootings, which is looking pretty good so far, had that fight i posted about and went off to the gym.

so i guess i'm no longer really doing mma as such... just boxing, kickboxing and muay-thai. and yoga. i need to do yoga. the kickboxing class was pretty good, though i saw stars for a lot of it and scored myself nasty bump on my knee. at least i have someone to buy my head protector now that i'm no longer sparring.

i prepped a salad and took it to gd, where we had the talk i posted. we watched an episode or two of community before going to bed; i'd forgotten just how insanely brilliant the first season is! it's definitely worth re-watching.

---yesterday:

it was early when gd's alarm went off, it was cold outside, and raining, and cars were driving past the bedroom window. i can't tell you how wonderfully cosy i was under the blankets and how little i wanted to get out of bed :(
it didn't help that my butt was hurting again.

it's still hurting.

i wanted something i could turn my brain off to, and steve byrne: champion was almost it. only it was so offensively stupid and ugly that i couldn't make it through twenty minutes. i might have smiled a couple of times, that was about as funny as he got. i chased that with tekken, and got my ass kicked for a while before i had to leave to meet rabbit.

i headed to l'artère, and spent the next hour or two talking, criticizing or organizing. we finally figured out the logistics of the slam we're going to run and arranged the resources we need to get the job done properly :)

we visited a friend of rabbit's for a spell, then went to a vocal workshop she'd invited me to. the workshop was interesting and fun, i learned a lot and i was very glad for monday's singing lesson because it seriously helped :)

i stopped at harvey's for a burger on my way to gd's, and arrived in time to catch an interesting film, la marque des anges - miserere. i've heard the name gérard depardieu, but this is the first time i've actually paid attention to him as an actor. i can see why he's a thing.

i suffered a bit from rls for a short while, but it fortunately didn't last too long and i got to bed at a reasonable hour.

---today:

we had a nice, slow morning. i had an argument about #YesAllWomen which i'll discuss in its own post. gd was upset because she's trying to contact bureaucrats who don't answer their phones... i explained to her that this is not a local problem, but an international one :S

i was exhausted and we napped a bit, that bit not being nearly long enough. we ended up running late, one of the reasons being that i needed a quick trim before dressing nicely to sign the papers. it *is* nice having one's own stylist!

i dressed nicely, and it was so warm that i returned sweaty after about ten minutes in total. i can't wait to get there, figure out the dress code and buy summer-comfortable clothes. the code they described was remarkably unclear.

i started watching growing op and stopped after about fifteen minutes of "meh", then watched two episodes of chobits. chobits is cute, but weird. i don't know how i feel about it but i might watch a few more until i see where it's heading.

---google's prototype car? good job, google. good job!

if you don't want to waste time and money on business / management literature, read this instead.

self destruction

tuesday:

kickboxing was killer. i received a nasty, tender bump on my shin when i was checked at the beginning of the exercises, i've iced it since but it's still not good. the really slow guy was in our class and i was really happy that i barely had to work with him. i've got a lot - a LOT - of tuning to do, our instructor told me that i was doing great before he left and that i've regressed considerably. that kinda sucks...

... he called on me to demonstrate one of the stations - told me to protect my head and proceeded to hit me pretty damned hard. i'm not sure if my forehead being tender is from that or from the following evening's sparring...

gd and i had dinner while i introduced her to freaks and geeks (yay! an excuse to watch it again) before we resumed watching rick and morty. this series is astoundingly smart and crazy!

---wednesday:

comixology: i eventually ended up purchasing qui a besoin de la lune? and neil gaiman and charles vess - stardust. since then i've read the first issue of the wheel of time (great rendering into comic form!) and the third volume of kill shakespeare, which is gorgeous and very, very clever.

...

i dreamed of having to land a plane remotely, which, i thought, is just like what psychologists do; suddenly i found myself transported on board, but the seats were somehow constructed around the center of the fuselage and we were spinning around with a deep drop in the middle, i had to somehow navigate my way out of there without falling...

...

wednesday morning was chilled, i spent it clearing emails i've been meaning to get around to. for weeks. and months. that included going through pictures from pg of all of my cds and dvds to figure out what i want her to keep and what she should give to scrapper to sell on my behalf. that's been a lot of work.

gd and i watched the video for solar roadways and got into a heavy argument about the nature of humanity. and the differences between our perceptions of reality. this went on for some time, eventually ending well but hitting some stressful points for the both of us along the way.

...

my nose was still running and my legs were very sore from training the night before.

...

the cleaning lady arrived, which led to some funny moments as she and gd ganged up on me on a couple of things; one of which was my treatment of the plant that pg left me, because i was following her instructions to the letter and i thought they were doing well. apparently the vase needs to be cleaned at least once a year.

---retarded people shouldn't own dogs. sorry. we passed a woman with down syndrome on the way to gd's place and gd wasn't the only one on the street to be disgusted by the fact that she's walking her fourth dog in a year. she keeps killing the poor things, obviously not maliciously, and nobody's doing anything about it. gd tried talking to her but she's, well, handicapped. she couldn't be reasoned with.

---i agreed to sort out gd's computer, which was running xp and was so filled with malware that it was barely functioning. we spent a stressful hour or two trying to figure out what she needed backed up before formatting...

the weather has flipped from winter to summer in a single day, and the afternoon was warm and sticky.

after i was supposed to have finished eating i suddenly found myself absolutely ravenous; between that and being stupidly relaxed after a massage from gd (she's really, really good with them and i needed it after the kickboxing) i was precisely NOT ready for the boxing class, but i forced myself to go anyway.

i arrived early enough to spend twenty minutes or so kicking my legs into gear and stretching, doing some good bag-work in spite of my runny nose. the warmup started and i hopped to it with my jump rope (sorry), figuring something out with our coach's assistance (he was being nice?!) and deciding that if half-way through the warm-up i was having difficulty raising my arms then i couldn't hope for a good class to follow...

... but i was wrong. i worked with the assistant holding pads for me and did so well i quite impressed myself, and on the last exercise on the bags when everyone else was giving up and bowing out two of us didn't hear "time" being called and carried on until someone came to stop us :P

i stayed for sparring, and went three rounds. i wasn't amazing, but i definitely wasn't bad. i'm glad i managed to keep up and i felt as good as i felt exhausted by the time i left.

it was shirt and sandals weather, and that's how i went shopping. my body was so stiff and sore that it was almost as hard to get to the supermarket as it was to get back. i felt old, and very slow indeed.

gd was supposed to come over but her back was still hurting her, so i had most of a salad and then headed over there.

---yesterday:

the moon was full and appeared far larger than usual, its light followed me through the dark streets to gd's. i was totally bombed even before i arrived, and we watched episodes 8 and 9 of rick and morty while i thoroughly enjoyed a vegan grilled cheese.

...

i slept incredibly well, though i still woke up sore and slow in the morning. i had a worrying headache but i assumed it was just my sinuses still and not related to my tender post-punches head.

[an amusing moment meeting a family friend of gd's and her saying precisely the wrong thing]

we'd finally organized a copy of windows for gd's computer but it couldn't be read... then it struck me that ubuntu might be a good option for someone who doesn't really tax her pc very much.

what a pleasure installing it off my thumb drive! almost everything she needs was a breeze to configure, and in some cases - like input languages - i managed to set things up in a far more usable way than windows would ever let me. the only complicated things is updating grub, which i'm not prepared to do until i have the time to focus properly and not make any mistakes...

feeling pleased and really hungry, we went out to midi 6 for lunch. the asian waitress has never heard the word "vegan" before, and started explaining to us that there's no difference in the menu between weekdays and weekends.
not "weekend", i said, and we sent her off to the kitchen to find out if i'd be able to eat. eventually we came right, but i do wish they'd add their option to the menu already...

we walked out into proper summer, sated and happy. we said goodbye at the metro station and i came home to fall onto the couch. my death nap was interrupted by the balcony door banging in the wind. then horseman called to say he was on his way. i wasn't sure about that until i'd gotten some coffee in me, after which i felt much better.

we played tekken and i gave him a speech about his life choices. because that's what friends do? for months he's invested himself in finishing high school and has given up on the last exam. it's statistics, and the reason he's given up is because he can't make sense of it. which is fair, because it's a bullshit subject. i just hope he gets over himself and then the exam, because the longer he waits the less chance he'll have of finishing.

statistically speaking, of course.

---i've spent some time thinking about organizing poetry evenings during the summer while the throw poetry collective's dormant, an idea which rabbit instigated. i asked horseman what he thought about it and he added a surprisingly good idea to the mix: he's working with youth from the projects and we could bring them in for a workshop each month. now we just need to secure l'artere and figure out how to get to break-even, then we'll be good to go.

---i was far too broken to train yesterday, so i finished going through my discs that pg's holding. just before heading out to gd's i received a message from the office saying that the legal team is putting together my permit application. i think this means that things are progressing well.

...

on my way there i remembered something important about poetry: if it's not accessible enough to please everyone to get high scores, then it doesn't deserve them. so sayeth shakespeare, or at least that's how he rolledeth.

...

gd put together a delicious dinner and we had so delicious ice-cream from dessert: we're in agreement, soya ice-cream is better than dairy. it's a texture thing, the taste is about the same. every ice-cream should be available in soya! just sayin'.

we finished season one of rick and morty. it's so profound! i think the world is better for it.

---today:

i spent the night in total discomfort. this morning i woke up feeling accordingly shit, but once again felt much better after some coffee. i wasted half an hour or so at the walmart on my way home, looking for items that they didn't have in stock, then crashed on the couch reading comics.

aside from reading comics, eating and breaking glass, today's been about posting and relaxing. now that i'm done with the former i'm going to spend some more time doing the latter.

---i keep finding myself surprised by the surreal nature of my relationship with gd. it's weird how perfect everything is, how good we are for each other! i keep finding myself feeling elatedly grateful and worrying that there's an imbalance somewhere. and then she convinces me that's all's right with the world.

huh.

big moments - part ii

[... continued]

the slam:

there is something incredibly special about having a group of friends supporting you so large that they take up half the place. every time i got up i felt like i had the home advantage, which was powerful, heady stuff!

the first piece i did was the slam. i turned the third line humorous by doing it in the voice of the caterpillar from disney's alice in wonderland, and pulled out all the stops with the rest of it. there was a lot of finger-snapping and laughter, and i stepped off to crazy applause.

the satisfaction from that moment turned to confusion when the judges all scored me really poorly. so poorly, in fact, that i was surprised later to hear that i'd made it into the second round.

the feature poet was perry visionpoet divirgilio. he's almost as big as his words, it was fantastic listening to him!
follow him on twitter
follow him on youtube

for the second round i took a bit of a risk. i took the microphone off the stand and crouched down next to it, eye-level with the audience. i deepened my voice and, having all the time in the world for such a short piece, slowly performed signs in the dead of night.

the first few moments were awkward for me as the first lines got a lot of laughs, and i'd been hoping to set the tone an octave darker. but i felt like the rest of it did the job. i finished, paused, stood up to put the microphone back and walk off the stage. not as much applause, and the scores... well, they were worse than before.

i guess the judges just didn't dig me. i felt a bit better about things later, when one of the other poets came up to tell me that what i'd done was really powerful. at least that.

so, to summarize: it was a wonderful evening with amazing performances by most of the competitors. i'm extremely proud of what i did even if it didn't get me onto the team. those who did make the team were all amazing, especially rabbit who took first place.

and aaa had come for the first half and left without any drama, so that was cool too :)

[continued...]

biologically shocking

i can't train with my nose and chest like this. today's far better than the last two days, and that's said with a perpetually running nose and one incident where i was forced to spit a mouthful in public. trust me, swallowing was not an option, and on the crowded streets it was impossible to do it surreptitiously :(

---the primary theme of the last day has been preparing for the slam finals. i met up with rabbit at a nice little coffee shop in saint henri so that we could help each other figure out which pieces we're going to perform. the new piece that i have yet to publish? rabbit, with all her talk about always being able to cut, was forced to agree with me that it's simply a four-minute piece and cannot be less.

i initially felt bad about our reciting poetry possibly disturbing the people around us, but it became clear that those who weren't listening to their headphones weren't unhappy about it at all :)

the two pieces that i'm readying for the second round aren't what i expected at all, as a matter of fact. signs in the dead of night made rabbit tear up, and i can make acupuncture pretty emotional. i'm actually surprised at myself for how comfortable i am acting these as opposed to reciting them. the last couple of months of slam have been good to me, i guess.

...

while there, i received a call from the company i've been interviewing with for a while. i'm finally ready to disclose that it's google, and the reason for said disclosure is that they called to say they're not interested. i may have passed all their technical exams but their hr committee determined that something about my profile "wasn't a fit" for the job i was applying for. i don't know what that means. but i'm extremely pleased that i didn't risk the job i've accepted!

after we were done i walked to h2o's gym to meet up with gd. the lack of signage freaks me out - i'd been given instructions and couldn't find the place, even when i was already in the building on the correct floor. how can that be good for business???

my sinusitis was terrible and i was completely exhausted; i felt utterly spoiled to have gd taking care of me for the evening. i ordered indian from the usual place* and we both ate too much.

* this'll be the last time, i thought i'd confused the numbers before but cari mela is insanely expensive. it's a lot of food for two people, and it's delicious, but $40 is outrageous for dinner in front of the telly**.

** netflix

we watched pirates! band of misfits - i'd actually forgotten i'd seen it - and i think even less of it now than i did before. it's beautifully done, but the story is pathetic.

we chased that with two comedies i'd already seen: my girlfriend's boyfriend was just as great the second time, and thinky pain was even better (than the first time).

i took the night meds and we both went to bed early.

---today:

i woke up after midnight with aching feet. i was suffering serious rls and no amount of stretching (on top of salt water, the usual fix) or massaging was helping. at one point i was feeling too confined and i didn't want to disturb gd, so i snuck out the back (a nifty feature of her apartment) and literally walked up and down the dark street, quite stoned from the night meds, eventually becoming antsy to return even though my feet were still griefing me.

fortunately, they calmed down a bit a short while later, but well over an hour had passed in torment and it's never been that bad before. i returned to bed, and gd woke up and convinced me to use a nasal decongestant spray. i'm usually loathe to use those because "once you pop"... but it did help to make the rest of the night easier. i wasn't feeling well-rested when i got up, but i was definitely feeling better.

...

i finished a game of hero academy with zenstar this morning, and decided that i've outgrown it. it was fun for the longest time, but the ratio of the effort it takes to recall a game versus the pleasure derived from the game has steadily worsened over time. i'll stick with penny arcade: gamers vs evil for social gaming and another case solved, even though i've cleared all the cases, still has some entertaining challenges while i wait for the next round of cases to be delivered.

...

this morning's discussion turned to songs gd and i want played at our funerals. i like the fact that we've both got good ones :)

...

even though i ran errands today, my focus was primarily on memorizing and practicing my performance for sunday. so any time i was walking or on the metro, i was talking to myself in a way that those around me probably weren't too comfortable with.

i hurried down to wire's area with the intention of having coffee with him, but he was in a hurry so he dumped two thirds of the cash on me and we walked and talked until we got to where he was headed. firstly, it's great that he's on his feet, and secondly, it's great that i didn't lose a friend over money.

i was already on the green line, so i headed to an art supply store i'm familiar with to pick up charcoal pencils for gd who's been getting back into drawing since just before we met. i dropped those off at the front desk of her work and sneaked off, which i hoped would be seen as romantic [it was]. from there i headed to the saq to pick up wine for uncle hate's birthday. on the way i passed an asian dude who was so decked out in hipster garb that i had to fight the urge to say "hey dude, you left your identity at home".

there's nothing that destroys a well-made subway foot-long better than an unfinished cut down the middle.

our muay thai instructor and i travelled together from lionel groulx and he imparted a lot of sparring advice. i was intrigued to discover that he's actually about to return to university to work on his master's.

i called up uncle hate to wish him a happy birthday, and was almost sorry to have asked him how he is; turns out he's been having a really uncomfortable week. anyway, once he was done complaining he simply said "goodbye" and hung up, so that was easy enough.

i passed out on the couch, hoping that after a rest i'd be ready for sparring, but that's definitely not happening :(

instead, i've taken the opportunity to catch up with all sorts of things. then i got an email from steam telling me that an item on my wishlist is on sale.

bioshock infinite for $10? or $15 for all three???
*that* is a price i'm willing to pay.

breathing difficulties

i tried to rest yesterday after posting but it was most unhelpful, i got up with a blocked nose and a sinus headache and my brain was slowed down noticeably.

sinusitis was making me stupid. i was *this* close to going up to the pharmacy counter, looking helplessly at the pharmacist and saying "excuse me, i has the dumb."
but soon afterwards, i pointed at my unannounced coffee at starbucks and asked "what's that?"
"oh, it's just water."
i was irritated, but feeling a lot less stupid by comparison.

...

after meds and caffeine i dressed casual-smart and went to the office to sign the contract. it was quick and a pleasure and i did it with the confidence that i'm making the right decision. now to wait for them to call me in to complete the permit application and then take a month or two of actual holiday ^_^

i walked out into fifteen degrees with no more layers than a shirt and it was warm enough to break a sweat. oh, summer. please stay back.

...

i went to gd's work where there was an exhibition of one of her co-worker's art; it wasn't really my cup of tea, but it was amusing to be dragged around the room to meet everyone who'd been dying to find out who gd's mystery man was. one woman made me feel super awkward when she told me what a beautiful spirit gd is and warned me "if you hurt her..."
a) i know she's a beautiful spirit, or i wouldn't be so excited to be with her.
b) really, little old lady? do i look like i'd ever hurt her intentionally? or, more to the point, what precisely would you do to me?

yes, yes. i know it's something people say. but it's aggressively negative and weird. it kinda invalidates the "pleased to meet you" that came before.

...

i managed to spill gd's wine on my jacket and tuque (which just happened to be in my pocket); i'm glad it's the end of the season and i'll be sending it off for its last dry-clean before putting it away for a while.

we quickly stopped at gd's so she could pick up some stuff, detoured slightly to get soy ice-cream and then came to my place. we shopped quickly, made and ate dinner and watched half of the uncut amadeus.

...

horrible sinuses, dry lips, disgusting nose, throat and chest aside, we celebrated something wonderful last night. we definitely are made for each other.

---today:

my post-medication sinuses are still rough and i woke up a bit stoned because of it, but i'm feeling a bit better now. it's been a gorgeous, slow day, gd woke up in the mood to play tekken* which just blows my mind, and after that and lunch and this we're going to head off to Do Stuff. primary items on the list include art supplies for her and a poetry meeting with rabbit because i have to get her opinion on my selection for sunday's finals.

* i played against ghosts. they're way easier than the ai on ultra-hard and i leveled up brian to 1st dan without any trouble.

poetry in motion

gd arrived just as i finished posting last night, and we discussed the issue with pulse. it's abso-bloody-lutely wonderful to be able to talk things out properly! we'd both been uncomfortable since our earlier discussion and we're both feeling good about things now. i made dinner while we talked, and once that was ready we sat down to watch in pursuit of happyness.

what a horrible movie! no, i mean it's a great movie, and a horrible, horrible story. i realize it's essentially a true story, but a lot of gardner's decisions were painful to watch.

---today:

we seriously overslept but the sleep was soooo good... unfortunately, the first act of the morning was blowing my nose and apparently tearing tissue in my nostril. it's really hurting :(

i arrived a bit late for my appointment with clam. it's an immigrant organization that's government run, but has a definitive refugee feel to it. as in, it feels like it's run by refugees, for refugees. i wasn't comfortable with the fact that they took all of my personal info to open a file for me just to answer a couple of questions. and those answers were not answered satisfactorily: i called up the immigration lawyer afterwards to double check and she explained to me why i'd been steered wrong.

later i'd receive an email from the recruitment agency with a suggestion along the same lines as clam's... but i just got off the phone with immigration canada (after a half-hour on hold) and they told me that what the lawyer said was correct. oh, man.

so i've asked the recruitment agency to inform the employer that there might be a delay and we'll see what happens.

---i'm less concerned about that than before before i got some good news - i passed the final interviews on tuesday! that's no guarantee of a job offer, but it's clearly positive and i'll hear back from them in a week. which should be more than enough time to figure out if this dream job is happening or not.

---i went to cafe l'artère to meet with rabbit, and we spent an unpressured few hours talking, criticizing and collaborating. some of the moments we shared were surreal; a couple of works she recited put me were literally stunning. i got some very interesting feedback, and what we walked out with might well be good for the finals in two weeks!

just another manic monday

sunday evening:

the time spent posting flew by, i was shocked to discover that it was 9.30pm and i hadn't prepared dinner yet! and of course, preparing food when in a hurry took longer than usual...

... between my salad and indian leftovers, i ate so much that my body pressed me into an early night.

---yesterday:

a while ago a girl from the french class contacted me and asked if i'd be interested in going to a meet 'n greet for the big financial firm she works for, as they hadn't responded to my job applications and she figured it'd be an excellent opportunity for me to put my resume in the right hands. she promised to send me a formal invitation so i forgot about it, and yesterday morning she phoned me to ask if i was still interested. it just so happens that it's precisely between the thursday afternoon's stupidly exciting aerospace job interview and friday morning's french exam, but i asked her to send me the forgotten invitation and told i'd let her know.

still no invitation. that's pretty annoying.

...

rabbit sent me a message informing me that she'd taken the aspie quiz... and is officially an aspie. feeling like i'd done something positive, i shared the news with gd. so *she* took the test. the test took forever because every second question turned into a discussion, but eventually she got through it.

"$#@% YOU!" she shouted at the screen, "NEUROTYPICAL MY ASS!"

...

a friend of gd's came over for a haircut and we got along almost as well as her friend from the previous morning. this one teaches tai chi, though, and was excited to learn about my muay-thai / taekwondo experience and wants to trade lessons. sweet! i'm really liking this whole "barter" community :)

we had lunch at sandwicherie st henri, the vegan option was great and we had a really interesting conversation that ranged from crazy dreams to epic sci-fi. we also had an uncomfortable moment, but it was resolved before it could become an issue and what was interesting was the way it came up and the way in which it was resolved. we have this communication thing down, and we're so much on the same level it's a bit surreal.

on the way back i learned the story that had introduced gd to pulse: garbage bag fines. some idiot in her building keeps putting out his garbage after the truck's passed, and the authorities have decided that gd's apartment is the easiest to fine. if she goes to court to contest this there's a good chance that the judge will reject her appeal and that the fine will be increased. wtf?!

anyway, i've encouraged her to take action by alternative means and today she took the first steps.

*sigh*

our post-lunch nap was one of the greatest i've ever had, even though i learned that in addition to snoring (aargh!) i also twitch a lot, and not just as i fall asleep. gd informed me of this as i responded to a between-states dream in which a volleyball was launched past me and i dove backwards to reach it...

...

[tears of relief]

...

i returned home in tool / a perfect circle mode, a mode i haven't been in in a long time. it's still going, so strongly that i haven't been able to keep myself from humming when outside and singing along with abandon in private.

i chatted with my mum quickly before training, and was most amused by her (granted, predictable) response to hearing that gd has a facial tattoo. and then that she has most of her back covered. i probably should have mentioned that she's considering chest ink and that i've convinced her to try it out with a temporary tat (printed or henna) first... the context of the conversation with my mother was my wondering out loud which buttons of uncle hate she'll press if and when we're invited to godmother's :P

...

muay thai yesterday was AWESOME. the guy taking the class has just returned from a year in thailand and the exercises were all properly hard and interesting, and to make it even better i was partnered with one of the taekwondo guys and we had a couple of rounds of free kicking with thai pads so we not only worked on roundhouses and push kicks but on doubles (low / high), side kicks and outside / insides as well. we worked really hard, had a lot of fun and attracted a small group of impressed spectators :)

after the class mti and i went to the starbucks to work on the comics. we were both disappointed, first by the lack of soy milk (again?!) and then by the lack of seating, but the latter resolved itself quickly enough. the evening was productive and exciting, we appear to be on the same page (although i always get that impression...) but she's totally professional and that has to make a difference!

i got home late, worked on a few job hunting emails and then returned to gd's.

---today:

in the middle of the night, as we prepared to go to bed, gd's phone went missing. i called it to hunt it down, and after finding it accidentally redialed the recruiter for the aerospace job, only realizing that my phone was calling after it had rung a few times. AAAAARGH!!!

gd laughed hysterically at my panic and my response to it, i sent him an apology by email and hoped this wouldn't upset him...

...

we enjoyed another wonderful, slow morning, made even better when gd's taxi didn't show up and she called her work to let them know she'd be a little late. they told her she could take the day off, and so we went to the hospital together. i was going for blood tests, she went to pay her mother a visit (she's being kept for testing for something). she asked me if i was okay with meeting her mom, and i told her i was up for it.

we seem to have gotten off on the right foot, her mom and i :) the mixture of french and english wasn't a problem, and it's actually the best practice for friday's exam that i've had in weeks!

at one point she made a comment about how strong i look. "i train five days a week," i said, and she switched to french to tell us that she'd be requiring my services because she's moving house soon. gd and i laughed, and i reassured her that it would be a pleasure. i'm built to carry stuff :P

later she introduced me to one of her fellow patients. "he's also jewish," she told him, "he's from israel. and he's a computer genius!"

between that and the previous not-so-subtle hints about grandchildren, i was both a little embarrassed, flattered and amused no end :P

my blood drawing had only taken a minute (i'd spent the waiting time with gd and her mom), so after saying goodbye we went for coffee before separating. it was a dark discussion about childhood traumas (and the funny things that came out of them) and scary siblings, of which we both have a fair amount in common. it moved upbeat, however, because that's what our conversations tend to do. and everything, good and bad, keeps us feeling like we were made for each other. it looks like we're in it for the long haul.

that's extremely gratifying.

i've had puscifer - rev 22:20 stuck in my head all day. it's kinda how i feel.

---my phone rang a short while ago, it was the recruiter for the aerospace job setting up a meeting with a hopefully future counterpart. since the call i've had the syndicate "calm" music stuck in my head, and i'm wondering at the serendipity of my life turning around just after changing all my tones :)

---nystire sent me a couple of strips to look at. surprisingly good is surprisingly good, but fight is totally winning the week.

long weekend goodness

we've been together for just about a week now, and already trying to imagine not being with gd seems impossible. this relationship is at a level that wouldn't seem reasonable if i were watching it in a movie. there've been so many weird little things that make it seem like the universe just wants us to be together, and it's kinda hard to ignore them even as skeptical me rolls his eyes.

just before he shrugs, smiles and silently approves. because it's awesome and fun and good and feels right ^_^

---thursday:

i was so tired that i fell asleep watching guy steele on growing a programming language, which is unbelievably clever meta-poetry that you only start to *get* once he's built it up a bit. he's doing what?? using what?? anyway, it's awesome and deserves some of your time if you're a software developer. or into poetry.

i felt awful when i woke up, suffering that ugly feeling when you're forcibly dragged from a state of unconsciousness that your body desperately requires that you be in. gd came over with her kickboxing gear as we'd been planning on heading to tristar together, but she was also exhausted so instead we spent the night introducing her to firefly and enjoying pitaya, rum, liquorice and chocolate after ascertaining that she digs my salads.

that made for a good night.

---friday:

i woke up with bon jovi - bad medicine stuck in my head after another sleepless night. i was so busy getting ready for the day that i forgot breakfast. what?!

...

the good friday crowd at the clinic wasn't too bad. i didn't have to wait for too long, but it was a bit uncomfortable being sent into a doctor's office only to have to wait for another five or ten minutes. the doctor seemed embarrassed when she realized that i literally only needed a minute of her time after i'd waited for so long.

while waiting i received a message from aaa, and i had time to finally put together a response (in french) that totally covered everything while not being offensive. she definitely *gets* it now, and i seem to have managed to rescue her ego: after she told me it was a bit of a blow, i explained that gd and me being more compatible doesn't have anything to do with her not being wonderful. did that really help? i can't tell, but that's the story i'm telling myself and i'm sticking to it.

i walked out of the clinic just in time to make it to my "poetry date" at cagibi with rabbit. the girl serving me at cagibi was very cool, and she even allowed me to keep a tab - i felt very special :)
their vegan treats were as good as they said they were.

rabbit and i spent the next hour or two talking productively, figuring out a collaborative project we want to do, and critiquing each other's works just like i'm used to from the wondering workshop. we really clicked, had a great time and will definitely be doing that again soon ^_^

newk'd and i had a bit of a misunderstanding, so instead of him meeting me at the designated time at the designated place, i headed to his area and we sat down for ndg bagels. the vegetarian options left much to be desired, and i ended up having to put vegetables on my vegetables on my bagel with a side order of salad. it was a lot, it wasn't bad but it's good that the whole thing was more about talking than eating. i'm excited for him that he's heading off to toronto next week to compete in game production!

i returned home, napped for an hour and went to the gym. boxing had been cancelled so i worked on the bags for an hour. it was mostly good, but i was feeling tired and had to take frequent rests. ugh :(

afterwards i went to gd's, we ordered indian and watched more firefly. she wanted to continue when we finished the train job but i simply couldn't keep my eyes open any more...

---yesterday:

i slept much better than the night before but i still woke up sleepy. i thought i'd get some stuff done when i got home but instead napped for another hour, falling into that deep, black slumber that my brain so desperately needed. i woke up feeling much better but having snoozed so much that i didn't have time to draw cash or make / get coffee, so i pulled an energy drink from the fridge, hunted down a couple of bills and hurried to luna yoga.

i arrived *just* in time, and i'm now paid up for all-access for a month. i found myself positioned at the front of the class, which kinda sucked because the only person i could watch for cues didn't seem to have much of a clue either and the instructions came so fast they were hard to follow sometimes. the lesson was great, though. the instructor reinforced my sense of "living right" and basically had me grinning non-stop as i meditated on the previous week.

the only problem with the class, really, was that my arms felt soooooo weak. otherwise, everything was great and i was very satisfied.

i wanted to invite pulse out for lunch, but i didn't have my wallet with me. she was hungry and in a hurry to eat, but i got her to agree to meet me at vendôme station after she did some quick shopping. in order to make our rendezvous i postponed showering, but when i arrived i got a message informing me that she was being held up and would need another twenty minutes. i totally could've showered :/

instead, i waited in the beautiful sunshine and worked on the slam. i'm really pleased with it now, after minor updates suggested by rabbit and making some major strides in its performance. i can't wait for next month!

pulse and i took out excellent indian food and discussed the details of the previous week. i was a bit surprised to hear her complain that this isn't the first time she's successfully set up someone she's dated with someone else... i didn't need to remind her that she let me go, but something that she let slip was quite flattering and i told her how pleased i am that we're still friends. i kinda wish there was some way to help her find the right guy for her, but that's not how this stuff works...

i visited chez geeks and struggled to find an appropriate board game for vfmp's birthday gift. then i realized i could get him a gift card for them - ideal! while browsing i came across mr. card game. the guy at the store hated it so much he recommended i never try it. this guy thinks it's amazing.

huh.

---thought for the day: "where / how do blind beggars relieve themselves?"
it's bad enough to handle toilets being blind, but blind and homeless? oh, man.

---it was hard to stay conscious on the metro home, and on the metro to gd's, and the nodding off then was as close to siesta as i was going to get. we went to yuan for dinner to celebrate vfmp's birthday, our first social outing as a couple. after that we returned to manga-thé, again because getting into randalph's wasn't happening.

dinner was really good, though anything sushi sucked and there were no drinks AT ALL on the all-you-can-eat menu. it was bizarre coming to grips with the facts that almost all the items om the menu were vegan, and the fake meat items were mostly really good. the mint tofu was odd. just sayin'.
we played forbidden island again, had a wildly entertaining time of it, and called it a night once we'd won.

it was a good night. and i'm really glad that vfmp and co and gd all get along so well! :D

---today:

we were both exhausted by the time we eventually fell asleep, but woke up feeling properly rested. on a sunday morning when we could sleep in. YES!!!

we tried to have breakfast at a local spot but it was closed for easter. on the way we discovered that we both love it rubs the lotion on its skin. so that was the earworm for the morning :)

gd barters her services as a stylist, and a couple of guys came over for haircuts in the late morning. the first was a friend who i've now adopted as one of mine, we've got a crazy amount in common in addition to the fact that he's looking for people to play arkham horror expansions with. we talked for ages about all sorts of things, and he might be a good work contact as well!

the second was one of the guys who runs her gym, he was pleasant enough but gave me an odd look of appraisal when he heard i train at tristar. i don't know what that meant.

---while the first guy got his hair cut, i noticed a piece of art on the wall that's strikingly similar to f (including the textual overlay, although the theme's a little different).

"hey - who painted this?"
"i did."

jaw on the floor.

---we returned to midi 6, had way too much food and talked non-stop. i'm fascinated by how different we are on some things and how similar on others. sometimes it's quite jarring to switch from one to the other, but there's mutual respect even when we disagree and it's effortless. we argue with the same intensity and the same intention, and that's not only rare but it's extremely gratifying!

i went to godmother's for tea and a long chat. suddenly it was 5pm and i *had* to come home, because aside from posting this and tending to my apartment i'm on dinner duty so that my salad ingredients don't go to waste :P