dog day halloween

 i'm still feeling tired, weak and fatigued. at least tahoma's halloween party last night gave me a proper excuse :P

...

yesterday morning started at the park with the school's "dog day". there were dogs, and it was a day. the sun was beating down (it was surprisingly bright and hot), and mr smear and i arrived a few minutes early, just in time for me to be awkward with a couple of other dads before everyone began setting up the picnic.

highlights:

mr smear's teacher sitting down next to us and reporting that mr smear has really turned things around over the course of the past couple of days. please god it holds.

the angry mother from the previous week refused to make eye contact. gd and i have been laughing about the fact that both of us were responsible for bringing a specific vegan cheese spread, so we  childishly brought two in order to "show her up" 🤣

i asked mr smear not to tell anyone that we were going to a private birthday party afterwards. he made sure to tell everyone. loudly.

everything on the table was vegan because of the allergy requirements, which was a first for us at a school event. cake for breakfast.

...

from there, the relevant parents and kids snuck out and the birthday boy's mom gave us ride to the country club. it was a perfect day for it, beautiful weather, hardly anybody else around. the downside was spending a fair amount of time fending off crows, egyptian geese and myna birds, but most of the afternoon was spent watching the kids have a great time together both in the water and out, having long and interesting conversations with the other parents (there were only three of us), and quietly recovering from the madness of the previous weeks (and months).

we were not expecting the gift giving, because our previous school and social circle culture is so different. the gifts were custom, and really impressive, and we're going to need to do something about that this week.

oh! and his eye seems to be clear, so i don't think the pool - certainly not this one - is directly contributing to his outbreaks.

...

we got a ride home, and showered, and immediately jumped in to some of the math homework mr smear hadn't done during the week. it wasn't all smooth, but it never got dramatic, and even for me it wasn't trivial (it's working with square roots and ranges of answers, neither of which he's used to). by the time we were done, we'd both had good exercise and i was quite proud of him.

we made an particularly potent challah-peño, my face caught a bit of it (fortunately not my eyes!) and my fingers burned for hours in spite of washing them thoroughly and even doing a whole sink of dishes.

but it came out delicious.

dinner on call with my mom was nice. afterwards, we did have a repeat of the usual fight about mr smear going out with me on saturdays, but at least it ended softly. then i left for the halloween party.

...

nystire and nyah nyah and partners, as well as the linguist we served with, were there, the place was packed with interesting-looking people and the decorations were really something. it was a really fun evening, there was lots of alcohol, and the conversations migrated from work to parenting to language as the night wore on.

by the time i left i was practically falling over from exhaustion - at least i'd made an effort to drink a fair amount of non-alcoholic liquids along the way - and i hailed a taxi home and climbed into bed. i got a particularly warm and fuzzy feeling from ending a night of good company and entertainment with a heart-to-heart with a taxi driver about the state of the nation that left him profusely thanking me for the conversation (which i'd very much enjoyed too).

it didn't take long for me to climb into bed (having thankfully received authorization from my wife that i didn't need to shower again first) and i mostly slept well, and late. it's been a slow and pleasant morning, we've talked and i've read (i'm halfway through blindsight) and now i've posted this, and gd and i are on our way to the shop quickly to pick up flour in honor of friends coming over for lunch.

closing the week

i'm feeling surprisingly accomplished today!

wednesday:

my throat was stilled threatening me, and my brain was a bit fluffy.

i woke up still feeling horrible about the night before, and mr smear did too. i tried to apologize but he was having none of it, which really stung, but a little later he said something and i realized what exactly he'd been so upset about, and it turned out to be a simple misunderstanding. it took two seconds to clarify and rectify the situation and everything was fine again.

i'm still feeling hugely relieved.

after dropping him off at school, i wrote up an article about scribble diffusion. this is a real game-changer for AI-generated art!!

i worked from home again, and it was a long and difficult day. i barely remember it, to be honest. it's all a bit of a blur.

tuesday and wednesday were particularly bad days for internet connectivity, and i was frequently disconnected from meetings and ultimately had to rely on my phone for a mobile hotspot.

yesterday:

there was a strike on yesterday, and i worked from home while gd and mr smear went through his online assignments together. it was a looooooong morning for them, but they got it all done in the end and i'm very proud of both of them - they did need the occasional help, but for the most part they figured it all out.

the internet technician came to sort out the problems we've been experiencing for the last week or two, and he showed me a picture of the cables - they're literally hanging in mid-air, so of course we have disconnections if there's any wind. he's managed to re-stabilize it, but i've just signed a contract with a different ISP and we'll be switching over to fibre soon.

i had a weird day, however. i really struggled with the work i was doing and i was feeling a bit out of it, not only was it hard to concentrate but at some point i realized that i had no idea what i'd been doing for the couple of hours prior to that moment... but by the end of the day i'd gotten the first task (of a big, important series) complete and had learned a ton, and i finished the work day on such a high note that i actually had to make an effort to "put my pen down" and leave the final tweaks until sunday!

the babysitter arrived on time, and mr smear immediately began acting super-weird. apparently he was totally cool from the moment we left, but it was enough to be embarrassing...

gd and i thoroughly enjoyed our evening with tahoma and his husband, nystire and his wife, and nyah nyah and her husband, it was raucous and silly and fun and it's been far too long since we got to just be people around others and not parents for a while.

today:

i managed to get up early today, feeling slightly hungover in spite of the fact that i didn't drink very much last night. gd, on the other hand, felt very hungover. she went back to bed as soon as mr smear's bag was packed.

mr smear said something eye-opening to me on our way to school this morning; i'm paraphrasing, but it was basically: "dad, am i'm an ideological zombie because i want everybody to be kind to animals?"
i'm literally amazed that my suspicions seem to have been correct.

i started my day with a bumpy bus ride to the kenyon ayalon mall to pick up what i thought was an electronic pen to use with scribble diffusion. it wasn't, it was basically a very advanced etch-a-sketch, so i went into the mall, picked up a coffee and hung around until the computer store opened.

they didn't have what i wanted either. but on the way out i noticed a stationary store that did have what i was looking for! the G430S is a little more pricey than i was planning on, but we've now gotten a good hour or two's use out of it (on both a macbook and a windows machine) and i'm well pleased that i bought it ^_^

i returned home in time for a quick breakfast, then rushed off to pick mr smear up from school - i left late, walked really fast and arrived just in time, by the time we returned home i was feeling pretty exercised. we immediately left home again to do the grocery shopping, and by the time we got home from that expedition i was properly exercised (12000+ steps) and in dire need of a nap.

so i napped a couple of hours, an absolutely glorious nap, then got up to spend the rest of the afternoon on chores and reading. mr smear's grounding ended at sunset, at which point we unboxed the pen and got to work :)

he's now playing some spider-man before dinner, and i just listened in on the temple service; i'm just feeling a lot of gratitude for everything we have and for being in a good place mentally.

psyched!

i picked up the guitar this morning, and my hands just weren't being useful. instead, i put them to work on my project, got somewhere interesting, then took a walk to the guys in charge of the shuttles while arranging for tickets to k's choice to be bought.

the cute blonde girl took a few moments to understand what i was getting at, but once she did she was quick to agree with me and sent out a memo :)

i sat with tahoma and nyah-nyah, eating delicious strawberries and sharing the shock of our pointy-haired boss' dodgy behaviour, then headed off base for the day.

i adopted a private for the duration of my travels (most of the way) to the psychologist; sweet kid, i hope he does okay.

i walked in to wait, then walked straight out to sit in the park for half an hour. even if i hadn't arrived early, i was ignored, nothing was clear and the waiting room was a furnace. eventually i was called in...

i don't recall how much time passed, but it felt like forever. the poor woman didn't realize how much i can talk - and this was just an introductory referral session. by the end of it, she was severely concerned that with my story* i haven't been using their services since i joined.

* or fragments of it, as there's a whole bunch i'm not sharing with her; as i told her, i see them as just as much a part of the military system as the suits

it was a bit relieving, even if we didn't get anywhere. talking cure? i wonder if the cure isn't in the act of putting whatever troubles one has into the therapy framework - now that i have somewhere to deal with it, i don't need to worry about it when i'm not "being treated".

i took the right bus in the wrong direction, got off at the next stop and waited five for the next one. once in tel aviv i walked a bit to catch the next bus - it was a lovely day - and was home with just enough time for a snack before going to physiotherapy. i missed every single bus on the way, but that gave me time to consume my falafel :P

i think it was a good physio session. i hopped on a bus to the university, and ten seconds after walking through the gate i experienced the "i'm home" sensation :D
wr sorted me out with a good cup of coffee while i browsed through his notes on post-modernism; i realize that i'm a bit ahead of the curve since last year's venture into hillman and in praise of doubt, and i'm gladdened by that.

when he was done working and we'd sat on his notes for a bit, we made to leave and were halted by a girl he knows and a friend of hers... we ended up sitting and chatting for about an hour, and the conversation spilled over into the bus ride home. it felt like half the bus was participating, all students and everyone still in study mode (or studying with books on laps) - a guy behind me mentioned "spiritual paedophilia" while talking to the girl next to him, and i couldn't hear that without context and not butt in to save myself an aneurysm: "what the hell is that?"

i got off shortly after the explanatory debate moved on to philosophical quandaries, completely on a high and excited to be rejoining that world ^_^

i didn't have much time before the guys rocked up for munchkin: it was a relatively quick and very high-powered game. i loaded the washing machine and showered when the guys left, began writing this and am about to get into bed.

---wow - i'm registering for tau and i'm already a fully-fledged member of the tau. who knew?

anti-valentine

i quickly post before hopping to the comfort to jump around a bit, still waking up from what was supposed to be a power nap on the couch and felt more like a nightmare on the couch - imaginary creepy-crawlies eating me and not even managing to complete watching the colour of magic.

now i need to bounce even more to make up for it.

---i *just* missed the bus this morning, but was fortunate to make the second bus and was only five minutes late to meet with our pointy-haired boss, who was kind enough to wait for me.

for someone who'd slept only two and a half hours after feeling terrible all weekend, i was doing just fine. breakfast with nystire was alright, and was completed by brownies one of my virtual team-mates made (i'm not certain how i fit in organizationally anymore). i spent the morning chatting [including to wr, who surprised me with a call] and practising with the guitar.

[i paid a visit to the doctor, and walked out having received both good news and bad news]

---i heard that one of the base discipline officer's cronies (a civilian "contractor") was holding one of our soldiers' id cards, and took offence. it's not only an illegal thing to take place from both sides, it's bloody stupid because without it a soldier on duty's got problems. i walked into his office, and asked him to show me the directive that makes his action legitimate.

"it's definitely okay, don't worry."
"show me."
"they're doing it on other bases, too."
"then that needs fixing. show me."
"okay, okay. here - i'm sending an email to verify."

i got him to cc that email to us, and if he can't back it up he's in deep shit. *and* i'll file a personal complaint, i don't like it when people lie to me. i don't like it at all.

---lunch wasn't particularly good, and the effects were felt almost immediately. i was still a bit lost (swimming in a sea of slipping consciousness as my digestive system was taxed to the max) when gn1 called. it had taken me forever to formulate an appropriate sms.

it then took forever for us to get through a breakup talk that was really painful for both of us. i think more for her than me, though. she had me feeling like a bit of a heel, actually.

i got a terrible haircut - counting off one closer to the last i'll have in the army - and was surprised by what appears to be the new trend. for the first time, i managed to explain to the guy not to "tidy" my fringe and temples and be understood. he didn't even try to trim them. however, without warning he swiped a blade between my eyebrows and temples - an area i definitely didn't need touching. frack, next they're going to start offering bikini waxes and shit.

...

i gave nyah-nyah her first guitar lesson, which went well. my TL rocked up, and discovered that the cd i needed to begin working was already sitting on the keyboard next to me, so i could've been productive from the morning already. if the idiot who'd organized it had *said* something about it to us, it might've been useful.

before setting up my new pc, i went shopping for myself, nystire and the kinder - i managed to leave wearing my undershirt and jacket only (regarding the top half of my uniform), and i'm really lucky that the discipline officer didn't catch me shirtless. especially after the morning's incident :/
i'd also forgotten that there aren't any plastic bags at the local, so i had quite a time trying to carry all the orders at once :P

setting up was amusing, i'm now sitting at the unit commander's secretary's desk. the makes all of us feel awkward. at one point i had to return a cable to nystire, and i threw it at him from the other side of his partition shouting "snake!" - which suitably freaked him out :)

a quick chat about the breakup with my TL in earshot, and he made a very good suggestion. on it, i've written a short list of the basic criteria for any girl i date, and i should probably [not] present it to any potential suitor in the form of a written questionnaire.

it poured with rain most of the day, and a few of us were caught in it trying to leave the base. as soon as the rain slowed, the sun came out for a gorgeous sunset. i went past dizengoff on the way home, bought a costume for tomorrow's base celebration (i'm dressing as a spy), and walked home (again in the rain) to try to nap before going out.

now i'm going out :)

they made me cry

i have *just* finished the taekwondo flyer design, and i'm rather proud of it :)

topic of the day:
in the last five years at least, the only times i've cried have been in really sad movies. for all the rest, i've wanted to, but couldn't. today i cried for myself, for my frustration and my anguish and my sense of hopelessness.

today, i failed again. and again, while telling the truth. the difference is that this time it started off great - i cruised through the first round of questioning and didn't skip a beat. after that, i don't know what happened.

the guy who tested me actually impressed me - primarily because he listened and could be brought to understand (a little) how important phrasing is with me. i have to admit, after the test i was really impatient with him - after a couple of times that i cut him short he really let me have it, and that was about when the little-boy-who-needs-his-blankie inside of me cut loose.

i thought i'd need a drink after that, but a good coffeeholic lunch and coffee (shouldn't have, i couldn't sleep afterwards and i needed the siesta) over re-visioning psychology (i've gotten through a lot today, it seems to be a good day for sinking in^ʢ and i've enjoyed it), and an episode of the big bang theory plus a pseudo-nap had me ready for taekwondo.

training was great - my body seems to be getting used to the stress of stretching and i pushed it pretty far. i think i got a little taller, this evening :P
afterwards, the organizer of last wednesday's game (scrapper) invited me for dinner (he was giving me a ride towards tel aviv anyway), and we had a very interesting talk. or set of talks, we kept switching topic. i caught a bus home (walking off it completely caught up in tool - 10,000 days), and after showering got straight to work. in silence. i'm in a weird mood.

also, i've eaten a lot of cookies tonight.

^ʢ note to self:
i woke up this morning
held in jung's strong arms
with a worn-out hamilton
contorted in mine

after a night with hillman
who forced himself on me
it's a socially painful awakening
after so long, so fraudulently isolated
in a room full of distorted mirrors
and cheap tricks to keep me lost

i can only blame myself
for entering the labyrinth
my cocksure curiosity
and relentless self-goading

but i am glad to have gleaned the insight:
to always turn right

---
i did say i'd fill in yesterday's blanks:

* door smack reminder
on tuesday, i was leaving the base bus, the left door was jammed and some idiot was blocking the right one. in order to get out of the right side, i had to skirt around him... and as i did so the left door violently unjammed, hitting me really hard in the arm. i carried on walking, registering the contact with surprise after a few steps.

* temporary fix, glued fingers, too late for the weather
i put my glasses together again, and amusingly enough the weather had improved to the point where i didn't need them. i only discovered when i got to base that i had dried glue on my hands - luckily nothing else :P

* missing buses
if i hadn't spent more than thirty seconds looking up a letter in my japanese dictionary (and no, not for anything reasonable), i wouldn't have missed both - and the only - buses that i needed. that sucked.

* gift appreciation
kc's mother called to thank me for the shiatsu pillow - i'm well pleased that she's happy with it ^_^

* the ambulance issue(s)
a couple of months ago i had an upsetting issue with medical fees - the army refused to pay them and i received threats that i'd be sued. i unhappily forked over the cash, and that was that. a few days ago i received another warning, for the same amount, for the same event. or so i thought. it turned out, after much unhappy telephony and extremely unhelpful people, that the fees i paid two months ago were for last year's ambulance - during the entire debacle, nobody had corrected me when i talked about this year's emergency ward visit.

unbelievable. the funny thing is, last year i was in a course, and i was told by the army medical that they would pay the fees automatically, and that i didn't have to worry about anything. they didn't file the report, and now i have to claim back the payment and pass it on to the army.

i really shouldn't have to be making all this effort. and i shouldn't have to be stressing about being sued, either.

* japanese pseudo-buddy
the girl in my section who i have trouble communicating with? she knows a fair amount of japanese - i didn't realize she'd actually taken a course. i think i've managed to get her to enunciate a bit, so hopefully that'll help me improve mine :)

* on health and climate
i find it incredible - i find it incredible every time - that my health is largely affected by the current weather. i felt absolutely dreadful during the heatwave / dust-storm, and the second it cleared up i felt fine again!

* gentle rinse
one of the girls in our unit was promoted, and although we don't usually celebrate girls' ranks like we do the guys (tying them up and drenching them with buckets of water / rotten food / old milk), for this one we made an exception. a few of us, with no prior communication, had appeared in her office conspicuously wielding a bottle of water to congratulate her. she was getting freaked out, and everyone interested spontaneously gathered in the hallway outside...
one of the guys convinced her that it was in her own interests to risk leaving the safety of her sanctum, and we managed to trap her and drench her without any physical contact.

she was a bit upset with me... the water i threw on her was very, very cold }:)

* paper waste
apparently, i've managed to remove myself from a bunch of mailing lists that bring each permanent forcer a monthly pile of waste paper. i've already been asked to pass the details along - perhaps we can make a difference ^_^

* guest flyer-ing
one of the girls from our unit (the one who appears to have a crush on me) came over to my place because we were both going to visit my ex-team-mate and we wanted to buy a house-warming gift together. i had to work on the flyer design, and she proved very helpful. it's always good to have a fresh pair of eyes :)

* fondue shopping
the shopping was fun - not fun was controlling myself and *not* buying for my pad. we found an excellent fondue set, and i had a good laugh at the girl who "helped" us. she was not only clueless, but treated the other customers with awkward disdain.

---
i'm definitely training again later, tomorrow's the 350 (for me, joining a mass blade through the desert), and tomorrow night's gaming night (two confirmed, we'll see what *really* happens), so i should probably be in bed.

from the guardian - a quick and correct take on the goldstone report

surface d&d - very cute

boat behind is a very sweet video :)

i'm back to watching the big bang theory, and just discovered that we both wear fruit fucker shirts ^_^

the path sounds very good - i didn't read it all because it seems a bit spoiler-ish, but the concept is brilliant. and educational.