Saturday, October 01, 2016

wanna look good for the summer?

watch this video.

1. body-shaming is bad. is doesn't matter if you're shaming thin women or fat women, or bodybuilding women (jesus, those women take a lot of flack from the insanely insecure).
2. don't be ashamed of your body as it is, but take care of your body and try to get it to where it needs to be.
3. where it needs to be has NOTHING to do with what it looks like*.
not thin.
not fat.
not tall.
not short.
not any of those things. where it needs to be is healthy. and healthy means eating well.

what is eating well? the nutritional quality of your food. not the amount of calories, or carbs, or fats, or proteins. you have access to an internet filled with good information - no, bacon is not a food group - and if you can invest energy and money in these magazines or stupid celebrity shows or beauty products that only exist because most people eat horribly, then you can certainly invest in a little research. eating well doesn't mean eating bland, tasteless food. eating well doesn't mean suffering. it's really not hard. and it's probably less hard on your wallet.**

it's not your genes, it's not your exercise, it's not your beauty salon. it's your food.

* your nose is fine, your lips are fine, your breasts are fine, your butt's fine, GODDAMMIT stop trying to "fix" something that isn't broken. you'll only make yourself attractive to the kinds of people who have no depth to them whatsoever.

** organic is a scam, and if you don't suffer from celiac (you probably don't) then gluten-free isn't good for you. also, microwaving is safer than any other cooking except for steaming. you're welcome.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

cook, serve, ridiculous!

according to steam i've just played five hours of cook, serve, delicious!. i'm not sure if i'm embarrassed about that or not, but i do know that i've learned something about being in the kitchen. according to my progress i'm not a complete failure, but i'm absolutely certain that that sort of thing is not for me.

sunday 18th:

a chilled wake up, mr smear enjoying his first reading of leah goldberg's "flat to rent"

a gorgeous day for a visit to hermanus for some whale watching, lots of sun, good food and drinks, most of the driving pleasant with breathtaking views but mr smear getting uncomfortable towards the end and me having to manoeuvre my arm in a painful way to shade him as we drove into the sunset

the disappointment of mr smear throwing up two hours' worth of food before bed

monday 19th:

not intending to stay up until 4.30am, mr smear passing out between us after his breakfast feed and giving us all an extra hour
slaughterhouse-five is such a pleasure to read, i've been playing around with goodreads and i was reminded how much i disliked infinite jest; in stark contrast, vonnegut's brilliance isn't overshadowed by tedium or inconsistency

quick shower, occupying mr smear (not letting him play with the screwdriver, but giving him an opportunity to admire it in action) until gd had finished rescuing our kitchen and then receiving another gorgeous almost-complete page from the illustrator

a productive home visit and mr smear asserting himself, gd's first potato salad WIN
lactation issues, another aggressive physio treatment leaving me quite sensitive, a delayed meeting that proceeded to go on for hours

gd holding the fort well with us wrapping up just in time to put mr smear to bed

tuesday 20th:

going to makro to check out their projector, being thoroughly impressed but not buying it immediately because i wanted to get a makro credit card so that my purchase could potentially win me a car - receiving a credit rejection message shortly after arriving back home and returning in the afternoon with family in tow in order to pick it up

gd cooking in the morning and proceeding to stuff me with food even after i'd taken care of mr smear's leftovers

telkom rage: after 50 minutes on hold for sales, being told that it's not possible to upgrade my account to uncapped. the only reason i didn't take uncapped in the first place is because the sales guy is an idiot and misrepresented the terms; the cap we've been dealing with has forced us to have two "internetless" month ends in a row and be extremely frugal with our usage this month.

the canon lv-x300 is not only an affordable projector, but it's by far the most solid one we've seen; it's bright enough to watch when the sun hits, the controls aren't finicky (and we don't have to find the remote's "sweet spot"), and even though it's not a wide-screen format the size is more than sufficient. we finally have a home entertainment system!

wednesday 21st:

a decent night's sleep after going to bed exhausted, storming out of pick n pay because they don't stock their shelves and driving to checkers to buy bread

slaughterhouse-five is pure genius and it's fun to read

looking after mr smear during gd's physio appointment, it was all fun and games until he almost lost a finger and that would totally have been my fault

our babysitter giving us space for bathing and errands (having a talk with the telkom guy), heading off to baby city and almost buying the wrong swimming gear

walking mr smear on the promenade, having a good time until he clawed at another kid's cheek - extremely embarrassing

mom's visit, dinner and the first episode of better call saul (pretty good), slow work progress and getting crowdfunding advice from an expert

thursday 22nd:

another mistake forgetting antihistamines. waking up to work and being sent out again for emergency shopping and losing my shit

a painful pinched nerve on the other side, gd dealing with a neck spasm and getting to spend my day alternating between looking after mr smear and trying to sort out a corrupt checkout

finishing slaughterhouse-five on a great note: it's rare to find myself this excited about a book that's received so much acclaim

killing my machine with a bad video driver upgrade

friday 23rd:

dreams: playing through a game / simulator so vivid that the last thing i recall was watching a character getting his genitals sliced for disrespecting someone and then switching to his perspective and feeling the combination of bleeding and peeing myself before finding myself on my knees facing a shotgun; there was a blank screen moment before the gun went off before a game over screen before continuing from another character's POV before i woke up

crash bandicoot while mr smear slept and my computer failed to resurrect; eventually realising that i was doing it wrong and beginning a serious backup as soon as it was rescued

an easy morning, then going to the shops and missing the alert for my physio appointment; rescheduling for the afternoon and then missing *that* alert :$

laughing like an idiot all the way home from SARS: i finally went to register for a tax number, and was told to come back next week because they've run out of numbers for the day. do little elves generate them overnight using special number pressing machines?

gd cooking an experimental dinner, eating with my mom, mr smear having a hard time getting to sleep, an otherwise lovely evening and an early night

saturday 24th:

waking up to exciting news: vegan donuts at kleinsky's! after breakfast (mr smear enjoying more kiwi than i did, that's love right there) we all went on the donut mission and were incredibly disappointed to find that they hadn't been delivered. we went to spar instead, running into krybabie's mother, then returned home. mr smear napped so we didn't take him swimming, i played ink, then in the afternoon we went to the aquarium which was a really, really good idea. afterwards we had late lunch at the waterfront's simply asia and bought mr smear new shoes and picked up coffee and came home, managing to get out of the parking lot in spite of the broken machines and exit signs all pointing in the wrong direction

mr smear passed out on the way home and gd was exhausted so i spent the evening preparing virtual food and managing a virtual kitchen instead of sleeping or tidying up our real one...

Sunday, September 18, 2016

returning to functional

saturday 10th:

arriving a bit late for swimming, but mr smear making up for it and making us SO damned proud

meeting my mom for lunch at plant and running into two fellow vegan dads with their kids

a fun first play date with a new friend

coming home tired and a bit cold

getting to bed early

sunday 11th:

an early visit to the waterfront to pick up birthday presents, then off to a dinosaur party at the museum where mr smear napped through most of the fun
mentioning my book project to the right person!

coming home to a mostly restful sunday afternoon (i was really stuck into the neverending story, DAMN michael ende gets it right), mr smear playing rough when he's not being needy and gd and i both passing out early

monday 12th:

waking mr smear for the chiropractor
post office, no trolley borrowing allowed (although my attempt was kinda dodgy)
shopping, mom's visit, unpacking: like a little kid on christmas morning, what a magnificent experience stocking our bookshelf with beautiful books that i bought specifically with the intention of sharing with my children

tuesday 13th:

dream: diving over the crowd into a small portal and proving myself by finding my way home through all sorts of adventures, remembering snow and piracy and boots in the water and climbing up wooden poles driven into an inverted slope

dream: clint eastwood and his buddies come to the diner we're in and they're threatening to kill us along with their target. i pretend to fall asleep and they're pretending to be gentlemen so they leave me be. i peep, through the window and spot a sniper setting up across the way (he's eating something and he either hurts himself with the spoon or he tastes something painfully hot), i manage to find an opportunity to sneak out and am just trying to subtly explain the situation to a curious waiter when mr eastwood arrives out of nowhere asking him for directions to the toilets and realising i was caught i was about to attack him with a chair before being woken up

mr smear falling asleep between us after his breakfast feed, giving us an extra forty minutes

gd's brother's heart attack, renewing the car rental, bad directions to makro and then taking an off ramp into what looked like oncoming traffic because there were no road markings

fixing my IIS installation and getting a little work done, affixing things (baby proofing and beautiful paintings i bought many years ago for someone's wedding and forgot to give to them), half an hour on the phone with revenu québec

mr smear clawing at noses and cheeks and lips, i'm not sure if our little punishments are making a difference or not but the behaviour is distressing and it's not clear how much he can understand at this point

big dinner, the neverending story

wednesday 14th:

a solid night of authentication groundwork, very little sleep and getting up to a beautiful spring morning

a telkom visit for a promise that i could only hope i wouldn't regret accepting; meanwhile, in retrospect the salesman's an idiot and i should've taken the unlimited lte offering from the beginning but he significantly misrepresented the limitations

town physio round two: keeping mr smear from certain death (a choice of open windows on floor level leading to a sharp drop or to sharp spikes) by focusing on a jump rope, medicine balls, weights and a mirror

lunch, nap, bath (the dark side of the neverending story where bastian really gets stupid), work, my turn seeing the downstairs physio
whatever was released in my lower back unbalancing me and making each step hurt
a promenade mission
mom arriving bearing very grownup pots and pans
a mixed first time with the mr d app
putting mr smear to bed
delicious dinner from shin thai

gd's id: getting beyond the labels

thursday 15th:

another tough night because i forgot to take an antihistamine

the audiobook audition was fun!
pharmacy / waterfront run
vegan marshmallows! amazing quality, minus a few of them that had tiny rubbery bits...

a busy afternoon looking after mr smear and not getting a chance to nap, trying to help my sister's friend who's struggling with cancer, has little support from her family and is seeing at least one oncologist who doesn't keep up with the medical literature; wtf?!

taking my pulverised* back to bed as early as mr smear would let me only to be stopped by rls, an hour unable to sleep but extremely tired

* gd knows what she's doing and i was in dire need

friday 16th:

making progress while updating ios and praying it's safe

working until late, struggling to sleep, short, intense dreams between mr smear waking up
returning mom's loaned pots, stopping in at the bank, breakfast and a little more sleep
cash stress, another telkom fail (my issue is not "resolved" if they closed it without doing anything) and giving up after half an hour on hold
getting stuff done, in particular sorting out clothing cupboards for the first time since we moved in
a short but productive gym visit (what do you mean, my activity doesn't count?!), a fast shopping (late on a friday evening) (taking photos for three young black men by the bakery - why the bakery??), rushing mr smear to bed and returning one of mom's heaters

giving up on matthew reilly - seven ancient wonders: a book with little to cerebrally engage that insults the intelligence that came highly recommended, the best timing for my mom to hand me my kindle fully charged and to (finally!) get into slaughterhouse-five, which is so far every bit as brilliant as the rest of the literary world seems to think.

saturday 17th:

not nearly enough sleep, a busy mr smear, daddy's third swimming lesson, comic progress, mr smear and his father thoroughly enjoying a good kiwi on a lovely spring afternoon

napping, last-minute launching off the couch to go to a play date, arriving first in a biting wind on an otherwise beautiful day, duck feeding and happy kids then coming back to our place for coffee where the three children played together nicely then suddenly it was bedtime for everyone

sunday 18th:

not an easy night so far.

Saturday, September 10, 2016

more important than me

the lesson of the week: we are more important than me.

wednesday 31st:

stranger things because gd insisted on watching and it's impossible to nap with that in the background

little bit of work, little bit of play, furniture shopping

out of internet, a quick mom visit, bedtime and more stranger things

thursday 1st:

a cancelled meeting replaced by an important battle
the gym, where i was actively ignored by my old neighbour, gd's pilates physio
sunset stroll and bumping into my niece
great gnocchi and passing out early to penny dreadful (that i can nap to)

friday 2nd:

early up (midnight and morning) refining a plan for my library experiment, arriving on time for the meeting and waiting an hour and a half before making the proposal. positive reception, plus an offer for a spoken word space

the failure elevator at the wellness warehouse on kloof, gd's haircut and the first of three unrelated individuals telling us that mr smear looks like the kid from two and a half men, crystal shopping and home and pharmacy / knead (mr smear making himself puke) / home / sore belly / lovely friday night dinner at my aunt's

saturday 3rd:

writing the outline for the comic crowdfunding pitch

starting the day with an eye-opening argument about LGBT communities, vegan marshmallow seller's a bit of an idiot if i'm not the first to complain about the payment details

my first time with mr smear in the pool happening to coincide with all the other dads taking over, mr smear and me both passing out when we got home, driving out to stellenbosch for a drink for airplane's birthday and having a really nice time with really nice people in a beautiful place

emergency shower on return, mr smear is really enjoying showering now, and early to bed with phenomenally hot "mild" indian lentils

sunday 4th:

a pretty good night for three exhausted people
buying a second squatty potty
hunting e-readers
giovanni's and parking on the beach to eat lunch with our fingers and enjoy an absolutely gorgeous day

mr smear refusing his afternoon nap, me desperately needing mine

mom and sister evening visit, hunting the missing lego block
early to bed

monday 5th:

a long, tired night sleeping until mr smear woke us up early
the unnecessary rush, a waterfront mission including picking up the first box from pg (some of my prized books and dvds and great clothing)

a good therapy session
leftovers for lunch
projector selection
bad bargaining for a welsh dresser but coming home with my first gobii
kicking the confused asian man out of the parents' parking, taking a passed out mr smear for coffee
showering mr smear then navigating the poor kid's laryngitis until bedtime
taking the opportunity to clear old emails, read more mad magazine

tuesday 6th:

not an easy night, getting up early with mr smear, bullshit tensions setting the tone for the day

cleaning house, the disrespectfully late delivery of the welsh dresser, the pharmacy run when all roads are under construction

NEEDING fry's burgers with violife cheese

not napping due to an enormous weight on my chest

an improved evening, mr smear's mini toasted cheese

dinner and the colour of magic and a little more inbox clearing and going to bed early

wednesday 7th:

gamemaker humble bundle!

another day with our little debleated goat
a failed attempt at discussing the previous day's revelation
bad google maps directions to the new physio and pulling a soaked mr smear out of the car (drool?)

home and hungry, the babysitter giving us space to get stuff done and take a salt bath

mr smear's first promenade walk - he surprised us with just how far he wanted to go on his own two feet

nando's wedges on the way home, pick 'n pay's shelves surprisingly well-stocked, refusing to fight the chinese tourists for a place in line, dinner with mom and both gd and i ending up with bellyaches

thursday 8th:

allergies and exhaustion
coffee and the neverending story
forgotten physio appointment
feeding and showering mr smear
the unpleasant lesson: "we are more important than me", my perspective is irrelevant
building management and remote control malarkey
sudden and intense nap attack turning into generally not feeling well
driving out to durbanville, making a wrong turn by following the street signs
a good demo of the optoma X316, but payment problems making us look for alternatives

shopping, dinner and mr smear and the couscous, bedtime and then pre-meeting nap
the postponement, getting other work done

friday 9th:

going to bed when my head started spinning, rls getting me back up, fortunately not for too long but still waking up not feeling rested at all

gd's latest treatment doing more harm than good
a very pleasant experience purchasing my second gobii

second breakfast, feist, and the mechanic arriving just in time to interrupt my vegan cheeseburger wraps

the nap, the long prep to go shopping, unpacking and then taking gd and mr smear to the gym where i read wired with a cup of coffee which i spilled on my trousers, godmother's friend not recognising me and i think he was flirting

getting ready for a really nice dinner at my cousins, shocked to see my brother's eldest there but pleasantly surprised to find him seemingly more genuine and mature than i remember

there's nothing as trying as moving a sleeping child from a stroller to a car seat

saturday 10th:

rls medication leading to a good night's sleep, waking up early with mr smear and getting deeper into the neverending story

Wednesday, August 31, 2016


friday 19th:

the last day with the handyman, excellent quality work, an interesting character and doing us a huge favour sorting out our shelving

mr smear's long nap after a long night's sleep, finally getting the router positioned correctly, returning the utopia containers, toasted vegan cheese sandwiches for lunch

getting lost at the mediclinic, an hour and a half tired and running after mr smear, coming home over the nek

setting up the hifi and playstation, mom visit, dinner in front of penny dreadful, crashing early

saturday 20th:

a decent night's sleep but waking up emotionally exhausted, struggling with wall saddle failure and general sense of humour failure

mr smear's first swimming lesson! he took to the water well, but another kid was just screaming constantly and it made the overall experience considerably less joyful

the oranjezicht farmer's market was nice, walking to the v&a food court for something a little more filling, mom joining us for a short frozen yoghurt and coffee mission before we did some quick shopping, avoiding an incident with an asshole and driving through to builder's warehouse where they didn't have the shelves we needed but we made do with what we could find anyway

shelf installation, showering, powering up the home theatre for the first time, returning to netflix

awful rls

sunday 21st:

it would have been an amazing night's sleep if i hadn't still been suffering from the remnants of the cold, mr smear practically slept through

getting up at 6.30am to download crash bandicoot warped and abe's exoddus on our night allowance, beginning the day with pokemon and doing what was hopefully the last bit of drilling and coming up with an awesome idea for a reality show with gd and taking advantage of mr smear napping to get back into my telephony project

big shopping in the rain

mr smear actually walking around for the first time (as opposed to a step or two here and there), mom's visit and turmeric latte and going to her place to find that we hadn't left behind what we thought we had

dinner and awful rls again (desperation)

monday 22nd:

sleeping through the night (mostly), a busy morning, the first session with a new therapist, mr smear passing out on the way home, being too tired to take advantage of his nap, hitting the gym with low fuel, rushing home for a landlord inspection, a busy mr smear, dinner and some more stranger things (getting interesting)

getting most of my work done, anatomy of an epidemic coming in handy for an advice request

tuesday 23rd:

installing ffix, converting anime for projection

a long night of mr smear's discomfort compounded by our own allergies

a well timed poop as we arrived at the mall, leaving management a subtle message about the state of their baby changing station

lunch, an afternoon trying to rest and work and getting very little done and suddenly feeling awful in the evening

awful turning into nightmare, really bad food poisoning / gastro

wednesday 24th:

no sleep, weak and unable to so much as sip water until the afternoon

a good excuse to watch plenty of miyazaki

thursday 25th:

still weak, but able to eat some crackers and bread and a little muesli... a long day alternating between resting, taking care of mr smear and deep misunderstandings

a mistaken walk on the promenade, projection and Choices

mom helping out, miscommunication, a Choice to break the camel's back and going to bed worn out and unhappy

friday 26th:

porridge, electrolytes and aggressively scratching the itch
rescuing from drowning
mr smear napping through most of the final physio session
knead, unstocked wellness warehouse, waterfront mission, rushing home to pack up the projector and give it to the courier

still feeling awful the whole time

mr smear dancing to our music, prepping for friday night dinner, leering staff at pick 'n pay
a very nice dinner, leaving much later than anticipated

saturday 27th:

still feeling awful and barely sleeping due to painful rls

mr smear's second swimming lesson, recognizing japanese and trying not to stare, overheating

the waterfront on the last weekend of the month AGAIN, mr smear sleeping for three hours while we navigated through mobs of maul people; purchasing his first lego (duplo) set!

breastfeeding in the car after paying for parking and still making it out in time, picking up mom and enjoying a lovely lunch at posticino

finally beginning to feel better

showering, shopping and reporting sexual harassment to a manager, feeding causing a neck spasm to upset the whole house, finally getting mr smear to bed and then being hit by severe rls again

questionable leftovers, not quite throwing up

sunday 28th:

restless in the middle of the night
mr smear too, hating on the tooth fairy
early up anyway in shitty weather to go with my mom to the hout bay market and the world of birds. a chilly small market experience (stunning art, buying a balance board), then the weather improving dramatically for the many amazing bird and monkey exhibits that we'll definitely be returning to
fantastic indian food on the way home (with only a minor incident of mr smear puking on gd) and overeating and coming home and playing with mr smear and protoplasm joining us and drinking tea on top of orange juice to make myself sick again...

mr smear misbehaving before bed (meaning hurting me), bad parenting (third night in a row we've forgotten to brush his teeth before his last feed)

gd and home security, going to bed early

monday 29th:

getting work done and it going really well after a few days' break
mr smear still having a hard time sleeping

getting to bed around 5.30am, but no sleep because that's when mr smear really started suffering

early to the doctor's, then a therapy session, then a visit to the chiropractor then home for a nap, struggles with a challenging one year old (aggressive food throwing), slowly getting through chores (learning about duvet folding)

homework until midnight

tuesday 30th:

satisfying work, taking advantage of my remaining bandwidth, getting to bed at a reasonable time. an easier night, though not easy

waking up feeling disconnected

political tension with my uncle, literally taking an hour to extract ourselves and get to the waterfront for the start of a particularly unsuccessful shopping expedition that would include kloof street and piazza st john's and regent road, ending with serious aggravation and exhaustion on all three of our parts

small chores and lots of food

wednesday 31st:

an almost full night's sleep for the lot of us and a calm morning

Friday, August 19, 2016

1mm below the surface

wednesday 27th july:

great bag work at the gym, lots of elliptical
mom visit, exhausted mr smear, everyone going to sleep and running out of internet

going to bed early

thursday 28th:

waking up in the middle of the night stressing over not working and irritated feet

discipline and chores conflict

the gym: why don't my fighting shorts fit?! and why didn't i tighten my running shoes before running? otherwise it was a pretty good session.

home, putting mr smear down for his nap, bathing him when he woke up, a big dinner watching some lock, stock and two smoking barrels, explaining to vegans why vegan cat food needs to be animal tested

finally getting a handle on the mechanism of the project i've been working on

friday 29th:

learning that mercury levels in south african fish are more than twice as high as the maximum safety level, and that the effects on cognitive function are dramatic and immediate as well as long term

waking up from an amazing dream about getting my citizenship status sorted out and realizing it wasn't real

a solidly damaged right arm, whether nervous or muscular

physio, swimsuit shopping fail rage, frustrated plans and lack of communication, a quick mom visit and getting mr smear into bed and chatting with the mongoose and call-a-pizza and the rest of lock, stock and two smoking barrels and scripting router reboots with imacros

saturday 30th:

four hours of getting shit done
four hours of sleep
waking up on the wrong side of the bed

switching cars and meeting yet another man who married a canadian and came back

mr smear needing an emergency clean and getting his first proper shower (as opposed to me holding him under the water a little) - way easier than bathing him!

coffee and spar mission taking way longer than planned and the latter being a rather unpleasant experience

*trigger warning* being extremely satisfied with myself for catching every drop of vomit in my cupped hand when he repeated his earlier choking performance

explosive afternoon and the neighbour's overwhelming sulfur stench, strolling mr smear past my mom's and along the dusk promenade

a tough time getting mr smear to sleep

sunday 31st:

mom not answering her phone
the constantia mission
exclusive books shock and re-inspiration
coffee, nursery fun with mr smear
fantastic lunch
emergency napping
mr smear's second shower
working until thoroughly out of internet

monday 1st august:

waking up early and finally getting the job done (not polished, but done) before going to bed and not sleeping until mr smear had decided he'd had enough rest

dentist surprise, not the same tooth
don't tell me our previous landlord hasn't been in for more than ten days

getting things done until chiropractor (and book store) time, running into the acupuncturist whose girlfriend is a "nutritionist" who does shady things to enable people who don't want or know how to eat well

the gym, starting to seriously lose my cool with our previous landlord and his cronies

mr smear going to bed early after a shower we both needed, composing a threatening email with my mum, coming home to a very quiet household

working until midnight

tuesday 2nd:

mr smear turning into a little rocket after twelve hours of sleep

when my wife is in trouble, *i* have to sleep on the couch. good timing, before a massage.

the massage was painful and literally shocking


walking with shadowslight and hcc, sunset photo competitive, business strategy and a visit from my mom and a struggle to get mr smear to bed

wednesday 3rd:

a nightmare morning, finally giving up on a strongly demotivating note
dropping off gd in town, voting with my mom, breakfast while scouting at loaves on long (which is great, but would have been even better had my tooth not been so sore), a walk around the surprisingly closed company gardens, rushing home with a screaming child, tearing my nice trousers in my rush to check on him, rushing back to town to hit a post-accident detour and get lost in a parkade
a crazy afternoon of keeping mr smear occupied while gd got her hair done, changing him twice on a particularly challenging chair

my first kisses from him while he was on my shoulders

the full system shock of hanging around for half of a 9-5 hair job, getting home efficiently and ordering a giant call-a-pizza salad that i couldn't properly enjoy because my tooth hurt so much

bathing mr smear, putting him to bed fairly easily

testing my solution: success!

the end of sphere, the brilliant season finale of preacher

strategizing, then crashing early

thursday 4th:

another early morning, an entertaining hour with mr smear in the dentist's waiting room
newport deli disappointment, good service but less than stellar food
a desperate nap, a busy while running after my son
struggling through rush hour traffic to get to the acupuncturist who didn't have what gd went for (and who was injured to the point of needing to go to the hospital), struggling through rush hour to get to the cape quarter, then coming home to take far too long to go to my cousin's whose father had just passed away


stopping in to talk about spiritual atheism
coming home to find gd done with her dreadlocks (so much for a full day during a hectic week for both of us and rather a lot of money)
terrible internet, then mr smear's first REAL tantrum that made us freak out thinking he was sick or injured rather than still hungry after three feeds... so much for valergan...

friday 5th:

slumlord deposit finally returned
waking up early, attempting to say something about cultural appropriation and being sidelined by a #blacklivesmatter nuance
rushing off to the dentist: it's not good news that he's not charging me if the reason is that he suspects i'll be needing a root canal treatment soon

rushing to the post office to pick up gd's new clipper the day after she desperately needed it
stopping at home, then moving on to the physio; i'm apparently "rain man" regarding nutrition :P

pointing out the white female michael jackson at the mall; an excellent lunch at knead, home to feed mr smear, not enough time to do either of the two things we needed to do because gd had an appointment that the doctor didn't respect

a conference call, shower time and feeding mr smear with two spoons and dinner with mom and unnecessary fighting

saturday 6th:

mr smear's first birthday!
methodist church memorial
furniture shopping for my mom
dragonfire reconnections
cousins for a wonderful afternoon/ evening, correcting a misconception about my brother, the freezing cold and a quick spar run

sunday 7th:

rls trauma
waking up dull, a taste of evangelion and hunting a projector, last minute clothing shopping
a 90th birthday party and loads of family, eating my favourite "forbidden fruit" (things gd's allergic to but there wasn't any other food for vegans)

nutrition and gd explaining why advising someone to drink from a straw might encourage unhealthy behaviours
protoplasm's visit, third time discussing conway's game of life in a week and daniel burnstein's new physics model

crashing early, exhausted

monday 8th:

a mostly decent night's sleep, the dermatologist visit, a gym mission, working hard on the wrong thing

tuesday 9th:

another difficult night

mr smear's first step! and taken with his grandmother present, too

brunch with an english cousin at plant, insane women's day traffic to signal hill, the closed crèche at the gym, lone parenting at a traditional kiddies party, arriving home to a stunning sunset feeling completely worn out

showering a one year old (as opposed to bathing) is an absolute pleasure; it's safer, it's physically easier, it uses less water

wednesday 10th:

when the workday begins at 4am
the window guys taking care of the door but not the windows, stressing about metal pieces on the floor; also taking up the whole day
a particularly slappy mr smear
illustrator costs shock
getting through the evening until mr smear fell asleep
the hogfather

thursday 11th:

4am starting again
my arm / shoulder getting much worse (rotator cuff)

google maps and my watch actually getting us to our destination on time! a walk around kenilworth (kenilworthless, more like) and the heavy shit smell of the strip mall

not being able to take my family to lunch in kirstenbosch because we didn't have a squishie because pick 'n pay doesn't stock their shelves

a waterfront mission for another badly stocked pick 'n pay, quick home stop and short crash and using caffeine to get me to the gym to read wired while gd exercised and mr smear got down and dirty in the crèche (why were his feet black?)

heading straight to the chiropractor who did a number on my neck and back and informed me that i'm now wearing a matching rotator cuff injury to gd's
vegan cheese alternatives and baby food and hebrew claws chef (hcc) dropping off a baby hiking carrier and a quick visit from my mom and gd making a great dinner and more the hogfather and SxS coming up with a decent interim solution for my modem resets and

friday 12th:

partially paying back my mom and struggling with my work machine

getting some good sleep, but still feeling tired (time for bloodwork, i guess), a chat with the boss, rushing off to the post office to pick up a solar charger with no instructions and awful UX design
a quick run to buy a telephone, a declined credit card, our physio confused about our appointment
"i have a land rover so i'll drive how i want" - MILLER WP

lunch, nap, shower, showering mr smear

a lovely dinner, leaving the gift at home and receiving a bunch

saturday 13th:

sleeping straight through my alarm for my midnight meeting with the big boss, mr smear waking up soon after finally connecting

sleeping deeply but not nearly enough by many hours, a super sneezy mr smear
heavy rain until we hit the vegan goods market, a small market filled with really great stuff and an old friend making not eggs
a quick drive home followed by waiting for my mom who was waiting for us, an unnecessarily difficult shelf shopping experience followed by an unexpectedly long canal walk visit with a somewhat unhappy mr smear - a national ps3 shortage and online credit card failures
borrowing drills and testing our new projector, thoroughly enjoying the hogfather together

sunday 14th:

rushing to buy a ps3 online
the shame of being angry with a one year old who's not feeling well for refusing to go to sleep and in particular for throwing himself backwards

6am wakeup and of *course* mr smear managed to get hold of the projector and throw it to the ground (roughly)
double-charged playstation frustration
supertongue - what's the word for someone who asks for advice and won't listen to it? oh, yes... an askhole.
breakfast with my uncle; family feud advice, relationship advice, nutrition advice
putting up a shelf according to bad instructions (precariously perched)
wearing myself out drilling into concrete
picking up tools and audio equipment from my mom
visiting my great aunt to give her her gift
last minute remote battery shopping and setting up the apple tv
going to bed super early

monday 15th:

four or five times up for mr smear but mostly sleeping the night away; feeling very conscious of just how worn out i am

why is it that everything that's taken ages to get around to only ends up demanding more time and energy: trying to get refunds for both the definitely NOT 3500 lumens projector and the accidental double payment for the playstation

dentist fun (mr smear with an "m" is still not mr spear)
paying the car rent
the chiropractor

a burned bridge at the gym (we lost a potential landlord R7000 because he did us a favour to get us in)
meeting my uncle reading a newspaper
mr smear needing to be held the entire time he was in the crèche

a big lunch, gd informing me that i'm a glutton (apparently a toasted cheese does not count as "dessert")

an exhausting, busy night, the crèche's too-tight diaper, bad timing in collaborating with SxS

tuesday 16th:

crashing early, completely overwhelmed by exhaustion
another difficult night, an early morning and a day spent taking care of mr smear while everyone else (gd, cleaning lady and handyman) took care of their tasks, becoming increasingly frustrated by the universe's interference with my napping
the physio, shopping, rushing to meet hcc in the park, a pleasant (but chilly) stroll and a gorgeous sunset, rushing over to my mom's with gd's soup and explaining to her why we're unable to keep our heads above water, rushing back to arrive too late and to struggle with an aggressively reluctant one year old to hit the bed

failing to seal the "fixed" door, the new video driver update crashing windows, failing to communicate with my wife, losing my shit and failing at life

wednesday 17th:

working until late for the first time in a while (a few days at least, but it's hard to keep track), mr smear getting through the night better but waking up with a runny nose again

a quiet, tense morning, little sleep but small victories, an amazing (long) lunch shared with mr smear - utopia and violife both make cheeses that all three of us enjoy!

paying for a nap (babysitter), a somewhat pleasant afternoon turned sour, a quick visit from my mom, open hostility, work / trying to get off web hosting that significantly increased its rates

thursday 18th:

making some progress in spite of a broken mouse handicapping me, getting to bed at 4am

early up for the handyman's last day
a big reset, a day of almost exclusively babysitting, the guilty satisfaction of receiving a ps3 when there's a national shortage

too cold for walking, big shopping, showering and dinner (and dinner swatting) and mom visit

friday 19th:

a couple of hours of work, a lot more thinking about it
early up, mr smear has been gaining weight fast and is now really difficult to carry
morning chores

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

oh, telkom.

i don't understand why i need to teach every "technical" agent i speak to at telkom what ip addresses are and why there's a difference between the modem's address on my local network and its address on the internet. the agent i just spoke to checked with his crew and none of them have ever heard of static ips...

as a software engineer, i also don't understand how it's possible that telkom expects its users to restart their routers every night in order to use their night surfer packages instead of just checking to see during which hours the data was used.

this is a level of fail i'm struggling to comprehend. i think it's less the severity of this specific fails and more the quantity of mind-numbingly dumb failures i've experienced with telkom since i've been back. but they do have some of the best value-for-money products on the market. it's 2016 and we're still all locked in :(

‪#‎telkom‬ ‪#‎fail‬ ‪#‎surprised‬ ‪#‎notsurprised‬ ‪#‎cansomebodypleasebeatthesepeople‬ with a ‪#‎cluestick‬

back in action

sunday 10th:

another successful piece of the project puzzle
a hot and sunny winter's day
communication breakdown, mom's haircut
failed furniture mission
becoming maul people
the canadian versus the trellidor

monday 11th:

waking up restless at 6am, then getting tired soon after everyone else got up, rushing to meet with my cousin and her partner to explain good dev management and discuss a product proposal, feeling shaky from about halfway through and just before the end learning that my son had faceplanted (nothing too serious, fortunately), hurrying to meet my mom and the frustration of following someone down a route i'm not familiar with while not feeling well and focusing hard on not losing my guide in bad traffic conditions and misunderstanding hand signals and of course the distribution centre's systems went down just as we arrived. an easier (but still grating) drive home, scarfed down lunch and furniture shopping at the hustler's, not getting help at the telkom store and the technical assistant not understanding the meaning of "static ip"

printing beautiful coffee mugs!

spar mission for utopia cashew yoghurt, checkers, stopping at the end of the promenade for sunset photos and mr smear falling asleep to the delight of passers by

someone's developing dad bod - it may be legitimate but it's not okay

an evening of not much, watching the season six GoT finale - the last four episodes were interesting with some cool bits but the consistency and quality of writing wasn't nearly as high as it had been before.

going to bed early with the intention of getting up at mr smear's first feed but

tuesday 12th:

sleeping through to 5am and waking up in a panic over three or four nights spent sleeping instead of working and yet another day filled with important stuff to do

mr smear finding a full spindle bowl, the delivery, the hoisting, the painter, the other delivery and being shocked to see an old classmate who's become obese, furniture hustling and needing a shower after riding in their bakkie, trying to get some work done, napping on our new big couch, an exquisite sunset, mom's visit, deadpool (which was brilliant! what's everyone's problem???), not feeling well and crashing

quote of the day: "oh! i read about my ears..."

wednesday 13th:

waking up from a tough night wherein i twice walked face first into a closed door because i was still mostly asleep

why do so many people get angry over language? skipping pram jam for a walk on the promenade and a little boxing warmup, rushing home to receive our toilet roll holders: don't come in uninvited, and take your damned shoes off. the painter unsuccessfully trying to negotiate less coats but doing a good job nonetheless, a nap, gd's new soup, a particularly needy mr smear, big shopping and my mom joining us for dinner and getting some work done and watching preacher

thursday 14th:

1.30am partial and exciting success
4.30am progress made and wired but needing to sleep
8.30am up and running

car rental "service"
locksmithing success
out in the cold without a sweater for a coffee (the server watched me struggling to pay, neglecting to mention that there was a problem with their payment gateway until my third attempt), utopia cashew yoghurt, the sports store, checkers and waaaay more assholes than i could handle for one day

the cold front rolling in beautifully
the bathtime bedtime routine
the case of the missing meds
jim jefferies - freedumb is brilliant
passing out early, feeling broken all night and it was a difficult one

friday 15th:

another lost night, rushing to be too late for the dentist and the fire alarm keeping us out, quick coffee at home then the physio

sorting out pc issues instead of resting, getting some work done
friday night soup and drinks, another episode of preacher, working till late

saturday 16th:

struggling but making good progress, another difficult night carrying mr smear a lot

early morning blowout, lots of apologizing, the pharmacy, baby city, a fighting gym and then being totally won over by virgin active - their facilities are awesome, but not half as exciting as their crèche. we left mr smear for a while and came back to hear he'd played nicely with the other kids which was a great relief as he's barely had any opportunities to socialize

a hungry, hungry family

sunday 17th:

sleeping all night again, getting up and ready for the first gym outing, mr smear's last minute post-feed mega-poop

overheating outside with a jump rope, good-for-it-having-been-almost-a-year bag work, "eye of the house cat", struggling to move the heavy bags, coffee, picking up gd

bathroom shopping, canal walk, lots of other shopping, home, a little more shopping (wtf?)

putting mr smear to bed with stories for the first time instead of singing him to sleep on my chest, gd too tired for preacher, dinner and the scary, scary story of adhd medication and its long term effects

monday 18th:

3am after drafting the production-ready version of my code so far

not much sleeping in, a nice morning ruined by dishwashing technique and kettle volume

my second gym day, gd joining me and doing great until she injured herself during cool down, mr smear's slap battle with his new little friend (they were taking turns and laughing)

the chiropractor (good timing!), struggling to get home around the roadworks and really hungry so trying to sit down at newport deli and walking out because it was too cold and taking an illegal route home

an amazing and far too short nap in the sun, gorging myself on rice and partially cooked veggies, work and bathing mr smear and putting him to bed freakishly easily and preacher and work and a nap

tuesday 19th:

hard work, it paid off, remembering at 3.30am that i had a dentist appointment at 9am

dentist visit, not bad, trying to find the gorgeous poster above his chair (who is dawie smit?)

waiting out my local anaesthetic, prepping mr smear for the gym
on hold with an agent who's on hold because there's a miscommunication between my health insurance and my gym
a twenty minute run because that's all i could figure out and i'd already started (finding out later that that's the machine maximum); sharing a punching bag and managing not to share my opinions
showering at the gym is pretty good as far as gyms go, but still uncomfortable
the emergency poop change at the gym crèche was uncomfortable enough without an excited and twisty mr smear almost throwing himself backwards of the counter
crazy hungry and eating a huge lunch before napping after mr smear crashed, waking up a couple of hours later and having time for a much needed bath before waking mr smear for a feed and putting him back to bed - he'd slept straight through!

this going to sleep immediately on his back thing is new and magical and intimidating and i wonder how long we've actually been able to do this...

preacher episode six is incredible, going to bed and waking up around midnight to work

wednesday 20th:

going to bed at 5am after learning that internet explorer STILL doesn't support web audio api

crazy dreams, beginning the day still in that state and helping out with a serious poop, a slow start

attempting SARS: after getting frustrated hunting for parking *near* the building, learning that there was plenty *next to* the building. the main in a nice suit with a clipboard begging. the sea of humanity extending two blocks from the entrance in the cold wind and rain making me give up after a few minutes of not going anywhere.

wolfing down a huge serving of leftovers then crashing on the couch for a couple of hours

signing up mr smear for his gym card, getting through the rest of the afternoon, mom arriving just in time to look after mr smear while i took the handyman on a tour (personal items not put away), my israeli pension money apparently being openly stolen (an understandable misunderstanding), the bath and getting mr smear to bed and joining the all hands meeting late because i didn't know i'd been sent a link

the long meeting

thursday 21st:

struggling with microsoft's deficiencies

3am trying to go to bed but mr smear's scary (as much for us) nightmare

the worst bellyache, but getting better just as the courier delivering "c" is for cthulu ruined any chance of mr smear taking his morning nap

the gym for elliptical and jogging and poetry talk and inadvertently suggesting that the woman i was talking to looked ten years older

rushing off to the physio, struggling to get mr smear to sleep but eventually succeeding in spite of the echoes, tiptoeing around the topic of psychiatric medications and taking advantage of the surprisingly long nap to enjoy an amazing smoothie and veggie burger at knead

quick tailor pickup and spar shopping and smoking everyone's cigarettes along the way as usual, coming home to shower and crash and get up exhausted and freezing

a little difficulty getting mr smear ready for bed - this "tantrum" phase is pretty trying even if we're not reacting to it - then another dev meeting

preacher episode 7 is just as good as 6, it's really an excellent story

the deep sense of satisfaction derived from a message from tahoma informing me that my air force section is still using the IDE i created and its added value is significant. my joke when i documented it was calling it "project recursive programmer" intended to provide "a method to replace [myself] with code"; the fact that six years later it's appreciated is not only gratifying in and of itself, but it's a perfect example of how the right kind of laziness can do so much more than what's required by the task at hand.

it's nice to hear "would love to work with you again" when you're looking for a master's student and you get the master instead (the mongoose)

friday 22nd:

finding a promising lead before crashing, waking up exhausted and remaining exhausted through a morning of railing inspection and phone line installation and reading to mr smear

hardcore (possibly ill) tired, making it to friday night dinner on time though. a very pleasant evening and bringing mr smear home in the rain

saturday 23rd:

sleeping late, rushing to get my two babies vaccinated (my son was more stoic than my wife)

another desperate feed and nap
star wars iv and a restless mr smear

postponing our first play date, just getting through until bedtime, paranorman, work

sunday 24th:

working hard and making little progress, crashing at 2am

nerve pinching in the night, becoming progressively less tolerable as the day wore on

our first playdate at the green point park was really cool, it was great catching up with old friends and there was lots to learn, arriving home with a very grubby very tired very happy little boy

a long nap on a hot winter's day, strawberries and a bath, playtime and photo time, mom's visit and bedtime, dinner time and dracula untold (minor script issues, overall fantastic film)

muscle relaxant and anti inflammatory and a perfect chair massage and early to bed

monday 25th:

epic non-stop dreaming the entire night, feeling relaxed with my back better but still sensitive

busy morning of phone calls and shopping and cutting myself on the diaper / tampon bin in the point's baby changing room (we're not the only parents to complain over the past months, it's disgraceful management)

babysitting afternoon with railing cleanup and meeting strange neighbours, mr smear going to sleep early and waking up a lot

revolver is an amazing movie that nobody i know seems to have seen or cared about enough to mention

tuesday 26th:

working solidly until 2am
waking up early for the dentist, a particularly expensive exercise when your health insurance has run out for the year
a short nap and being woken to go to the gym in the pouring rain

a good session - definite improvement - and meeting the capetonian husband of the montrealer we saw at the bank a couple of months ago

retrieving an exhausted mr smear from the crèche (i'm a little concerned about how lax they are in some regards), a big lunch followed by a big nap (i'm trying to follow the "if he naps, you nap" rule), getting up too late to fix leaks and drafts

bathtime and bedtime and showing my obviously tired little boy who's boss by calmly and patiently continuing to put him to bed until he eventually stopped fighting

a big dinner while watching two episodes of preacher, shadowslight in the ICU

wednesday 27th:

waking up at 1am with awful indigestion and realizing i didn't mean to fall asleep