friday 22nd:
gd still sick, me still congested so skipping the gym and working from home, mr smear going to school at least. making good progress for a satisfying end to the first week of my notice period, and putting out a sample copy of my book for my patrons for review.
learning about ordering challah from the grocery store.
skipping the temple to take mr smear to visit some cousins, a great chat with him mostly behaved, a long argument with my 3 year old (along the lines of louis ck's "pig newtons" bit) about whether or not he'd left his toy motorbike at the hotel, arriving home to learn that he'd been talking about a different toy motorbike all along.
a sudden and upsetting regression with my back, which had been doing fine for a couple of days.
saturday 23rd:
driving gd to her weekly hypnotherapy class, driving mr smear for a play-date at the super park, getting him to eat a really good lunch, enjoying a frozen coconut yoghurt, stopping at my mom's to drop off a pilates ball, driving back to tokai to pick up gd, returning home for nap time
going out for a friend's birthday drinks, good company, temporary tattoos, too much cigarette smoke and coming home around 10.30pm to find that mr smear had given my mother the run-around and was still wide awake.
sunday 24th:
waking up with neck issues
podcast prep, driving to my mom's to pick up pool noodles, returning home to find a play-date just starting, a really nice afternoon by the pool, more podcast prep, a trip to the waterfront for tea, playground
mr smear with a balloon sword: "i'm going to cut you, mommy!". also, walking around with a serious swagger and a balloon sword sticking out his front pocket.
dinner and groceries, coming home to find our apartment reeking of cigarettes from our downstairs neighbour and putting our landlord on the case, another late night for mr smear, working really hard on the podcast...
monday 25th:
until just before 1.30am, spending half an hour posting this and now, finally, desperately... going to bed.
Monday, February 25, 2019
Thursday, February 21, 2019
what's luck got to do with it?
after this morning's meeting i headed to the gym, determined to spend my workday going over prep material for my new employer. i tried to log in to my old account with them, but there was a problem with the multi-factor authentication... i'd forgotten what kind of second factor i'd set up. so because i expected an email, and didn't receive one, i checked my spam folder...
... and found a whole bunch of documents from my new employer, including a couple that required urgent signatures in order to formally accept their job offer. in other words, if i'd just rocked up for my first day, my offer would have lapsed and i might have run into trouble...
thanks, google. i understand that my new employer's a competitor, but that seems a little mean :P
...
mr smear stayed home again today, gd's still down with the sickness, and my nose did not stop running all the hours i was at the gym, regardless of the fact that i've been taking sudafed and using iliadin, my sinuses were full, throbbing and sore, and the noises i was making as i went through a good chunk of tissues must have been awful to hear. i'm not proud of to admit this.
...
i've just had a chat with our downstairs neighbour, she seems to have agreed not to smoke on her balcony but i have a suspicion that we're going to have a few more incidents, the smoke's been coming straight into our apartment for weeks and driving us crazy :(
...
back to the prep work i did today: i've learned lots of cool stuff, and i'm looking forward to being paid to play with this tech!
... and found a whole bunch of documents from my new employer, including a couple that required urgent signatures in order to formally accept their job offer. in other words, if i'd just rocked up for my first day, my offer would have lapsed and i might have run into trouble...
thanks, google. i understand that my new employer's a competitor, but that seems a little mean :P
...
mr smear stayed home again today, gd's still down with the sickness, and my nose did not stop running all the hours i was at the gym, regardless of the fact that i've been taking sudafed and using iliadin, my sinuses were full, throbbing and sore, and the noises i was making as i went through a good chunk of tissues must have been awful to hear. i'm not proud of to admit this.
...
i've just had a chat with our downstairs neighbour, she seems to have agreed not to smoke on her balcony but i have a suspicion that we're going to have a few more incidents, the smoke's been coming straight into our apartment for weeks and driving us crazy :(
...
back to the prep work i did today: i've learned lots of cool stuff, and i'm looking forward to being paid to play with this tech!
just a day
i worked well at the gym today, then came home to find gd in bed with whatever bug i had last week. i took mr smear out to the company gardens, one of the squirrels was terrifyingly aggressive, i actually called a man who was harassing me "rapey" after saying "no, thank you" and then repeatedly saying "no" because he just couldn't leave off, mr smear playing nicely with the two kids we met the previous day
struggling to figure out where all our money went this past month and stressing a bit about taxes
hunter x hunter, the yorknew arc becoming a bit too much for mr smear but fortunately he passed out before things got out of hand, settling in to finish a task and now, 1am, going to bed.
---
i love /r/askreddit. i have to share my latest answers:
What’s the most embarrassing thing a parent has done to you?
struggling to figure out where all our money went this past month and stressing a bit about taxes
hunter x hunter, the yorknew arc becoming a bit too much for mr smear but fortunately he passed out before things got out of hand, settling in to finish a task and now, 1am, going to bed.
---
i love /r/askreddit. i have to share my latest answers:
What’s the most embarrassing thing a parent has done to you?
1. we
were guests at my parents' friends. a man walked in so old and frail
that he looked like a caricature, and i was transfixed. suddenly my
father, who'd been standing next to me, bellowed "it's okay to laugh,
you'll be that old too some day!". i hadn't been laughing, but once he
said that everyone including the old man thought i had and i just wanted
to die.
2. my
11th birthday was at a skate park, i'd never been able to drop in on a
half pipe and my father, in front of all the kids in my class, shamed me
into trying. i fell flat on my face to peals of laughter and was
totally humiliated, i refused to try again and ran off... he made the
mistake of chasing me, trying to get me to try again and saying "i'm not
going to hit you". where all the kids and parents could hear i screamed
out "you always hit me! every day you hit me! you even hit my mother!"
it
wasn't entirely true, but they couldn't have known that... boy, did i
end up getting a beating, along with a rather sad reputation at school...
Parents of reddit, what's the funniest reason you've been called into school to collect your child?
this
was in the 80's, my parents were called in to the middle school to pick
up my sister, she'd gotten frustrated during a typing lesson and in a
fit of rage lifted the massively heavy typewriter and threw it out the
window.
from the second floor.
above a walkway.
...
she was expelled, not her first nor her last weird story. we still laugh about this, but tbh mostly nervously.
Wednesday, February 20, 2019
hump day already?
my gods, it feels like a week has gone by since my last post. i've been making a point of sleeping on both sides lately, and i'll be damned if it isn't already making a significant difference to my back and neck.
monday:
waking up from and returning to a long apocalyptic dream wherein the dinosaurs escaped (jurassic park style), with small pockets of us surviving around the city on winter pantries. absolutely terrifying.
leaving mr smear with the nanny (sinus infection), taking gd to sea point, podcast editing at bootlegger's, finding a parking right outside the visa place but not having gd's receipt with us, plastic-ware shopping at mambo's, shoe shopping at the waterfront (we looked for shorts for me, too, but couldn't find anything reasonable), picking up a copy of wired magazine for the first time in years, publishing the podcast episode and work a bit, rushing through rush hour traffic to get gd home in time to relieve the nanny.
my mom babysitting so we could have dinner at royale with friends, a really fun evening full of interesting conversation and good food!
tuesday:
once again mr smear staying home due to sinus infection, and once again he wasn't actually sick and it totally messed with our day plans. another failed attempt to get gd's visa decision, this time with the receipt but arriving too late. dropping mr smear off with the nanny and heading to the gym for a few hours of really good work, then returning home in rush hour traffic to take mr smear to the company gardens for a ride with some other kids for a bit. dinner, hunter x hunter (we've gotten to the yorknew city auction, things are becoming intense), shower, bedtime, and getting a massive chunk of work done before sailor pulled me into a conference call.
an hour and a half later, and it looks like we're partners on an exciting and important medical venture!
today:
writing an article on hiring with github until 2am.
we just dropped mr smear off at school, i've written this while waiting for gd to do some grocery shopping, and then i'm going to begin my day for reals.
monday:
waking up from and returning to a long apocalyptic dream wherein the dinosaurs escaped (jurassic park style), with small pockets of us surviving around the city on winter pantries. absolutely terrifying.
leaving mr smear with the nanny (sinus infection), taking gd to sea point, podcast editing at bootlegger's, finding a parking right outside the visa place but not having gd's receipt with us, plastic-ware shopping at mambo's, shoe shopping at the waterfront (we looked for shorts for me, too, but couldn't find anything reasonable), picking up a copy of wired magazine for the first time in years, publishing the podcast episode and work a bit, rushing through rush hour traffic to get gd home in time to relieve the nanny.
my mom babysitting so we could have dinner at royale with friends, a really fun evening full of interesting conversation and good food!
tuesday:
once again mr smear staying home due to sinus infection, and once again he wasn't actually sick and it totally messed with our day plans. another failed attempt to get gd's visa decision, this time with the receipt but arriving too late. dropping mr smear off with the nanny and heading to the gym for a few hours of really good work, then returning home in rush hour traffic to take mr smear to the company gardens for a ride with some other kids for a bit. dinner, hunter x hunter (we've gotten to the yorknew city auction, things are becoming intense), shower, bedtime, and getting a massive chunk of work done before sailor pulled me into a conference call.
an hour and a half later, and it looks like we're partners on an exciting and important medical venture!
today:
writing an article on hiring with github until 2am.
we just dropped mr smear off at school, i've written this while waiting for gd to do some grocery shopping, and then i'm going to begin my day for reals.
Monday, February 18, 2019
don't shoe forget about me
new rules:
1. don't buy cheap shoes
2. don't buy shoes over the internet
3. don't take brand advice when buying shoes, not even from a professional. try on all the damned shoes until you find the right ones.
i've been suffering for months with the shoes i bought, and decided this morning that i couldn't take it any longer. amidst a bunch of other things gd and i needed to do today, we stopped at a shoe store and i tried on a couple of pairs, and walked out wearing a pair that give good support and make me feel like i'm floating. i can't believe i've suffered for so long and wasted so much money, the gods know how much influence this has had on my back problems.
1. don't buy cheap shoes
2. don't buy shoes over the internet
3. don't take brand advice when buying shoes, not even from a professional. try on all the damned shoes until you find the right ones.
i've been suffering for months with the shoes i bought, and decided this morning that i couldn't take it any longer. amidst a bunch of other things gd and i needed to do today, we stopped at a shoe store and i tried on a couple of pairs, and walked out wearing a pair that give good support and make me feel like i'm floating. i can't believe i've suffered for so long and wasted so much money, the gods know how much influence this has had on my back problems.
my body doesn't care if i'm tired
it took a good couple of hours after posting last night to get to bed, although i might've needed less to be physically ready but i got caught up with playing a virus named TOM and 7 billion humans. fortunately, i slept well (and feeling better about sleeping on my "other" side) and was up and functional early enough that we all made it to the cemetery for shadowslight's mother's consecration on time.
mr smear was well-behaved and was entirely unphased by being in a graveyard, there was a weird moment during the service when we were reading psalm 23 and i really focused on what it's saying for the first time... i became inexplicably overwhelmed by gratitude just then.
we went to his father's place to spend a little time with the family, which was really entertaining but unfortunately there wasn't any suitable food for us so we drove down the road to mary-ann's which was really excellent. aside from them have reachable bottles of household cleaner that mr smear managed to spray into his eye before i even realized they were there...
sated and happy, we returned home with a sleeping boy, took good advantage of nap-time, and then went down to the pool together where they swam and i sat on a deck chair in the shade reading deadpool. good times.
i got a bit more podcast preparation done - today's episode turned up some important revelations regarding the fidelity of the accepted modernized text - then walked to la parada for protoplasm's birthday beers. i had one, and some interesting (one inspiring) conversations, and then suddenly it was almost mr smear's bedtime so i walked back home through cape town's dark and dodgy streets, with only one incident of harassment.
a quick shower (it was stinking hot), and then i sat down to produce the podcast episode while gd put mr smear to bed. it's funny, but i keep thinking they're going to be short episodes and then more and more stuff just pours out...
... right, it's now past 2am on a monday morning, i'm feeling really good about how the weekend went and i'm ready to face whatever this week has to throw at me. being in my notice period with my current employer has really relieved an enormous amount of stress and i'm excited about the next step in my career.
mr smear was well-behaved and was entirely unphased by being in a graveyard, there was a weird moment during the service when we were reading psalm 23 and i really focused on what it's saying for the first time... i became inexplicably overwhelmed by gratitude just then.
we went to his father's place to spend a little time with the family, which was really entertaining but unfortunately there wasn't any suitable food for us so we drove down the road to mary-ann's which was really excellent. aside from them have reachable bottles of household cleaner that mr smear managed to spray into his eye before i even realized they were there...
sated and happy, we returned home with a sleeping boy, took good advantage of nap-time, and then went down to the pool together where they swam and i sat on a deck chair in the shade reading deadpool. good times.
i got a bit more podcast preparation done - today's episode turned up some important revelations regarding the fidelity of the accepted modernized text - then walked to la parada for protoplasm's birthday beers. i had one, and some interesting (one inspiring) conversations, and then suddenly it was almost mr smear's bedtime so i walked back home through cape town's dark and dodgy streets, with only one incident of harassment.
a quick shower (it was stinking hot), and then i sat down to produce the podcast episode while gd put mr smear to bed. it's funny, but i keep thinking they're going to be short episodes and then more and more stuff just pours out...
... right, it's now past 2am on a monday morning, i'm feeling really good about how the weekend went and i'm ready to face whatever this week has to throw at me. being in my notice period with my current employer has really relieved an enormous amount of stress and i'm excited about the next step in my career.
Saturday, February 16, 2019
to be productive or not to be
yesterday:
getting some good - no, great! - work done, getting suckered in to taking gd to pick up mr smear, who fell asleep in the car so i sat with him and figured out the new bluetooth gadget (so i can now control the radio from *my* phone when i'm driving) while gd did the grocery shopping, coming home to rest, Do Stuff, then take gd to the temple for the friday night service... which turned out to be a bit of a bummer, because they'd moved the entire kid's corner out of the synagogue for a big event and so the two of us played with crappy toys in the library by ourselves (although i did discover a cool book: yiddish folktales by beatrice weinrich)
---
driving home from the temple, a man in front was driving way too slowly so i took a look at him as i passed and saw that his head was bowed and he was not looking anywhere remotely in the direction of his windshield. "look where you're driving!", i yelled, and his elderly indian head popped up, looked at me, then gave me the traditional what-do-you-want-from-me wobble and shouted that he couldn't understand what i was saying. so i clarified, to which he responded that he knew where he was going, so what should he look for?
people, man. people.
a nice friday night dinner, i tried watching jimmy carr after mr smear went to sleep but after fifteen minutes determined that he's like conan o'brien: great joke writer, but awfully unfunny execution. i then proceeded to watch the netflix documentary inside the mossad, which was great, then entered the now-usual struggle to go to sleep.
receiving a really nice email from my current employer gracefully accepting my resignation!
today:
an acceptably reasonable rest, gd leaving for her course then suddenly remembering that there was a kid's event happening at the temple... a rushed exit, but mr smear and i having a pretty good time overall. he had phenomenal timing for a toilet run, just before we left, passed out in the car and for the next couple of hours gave me space to work on my book. the afternoon was a mix-and-match, including a fair amount of playing with duplo and some real struggling with my neck, back and legs, and after an early shower we settled in to watch labyrinth. we weren't 100% sure it was a good idea at first, but we got through most of the movie by bedtime and he was thoroughly engrossed ^_^
since then, i've watched a very good jen kirkman: just keep livin', and i'm now trying to decide if i'm tired enough to attempt to sleep or if i should be productive for an hour or so.
getting some good - no, great! - work done, getting suckered in to taking gd to pick up mr smear, who fell asleep in the car so i sat with him and figured out the new bluetooth gadget (so i can now control the radio from *my* phone when i'm driving) while gd did the grocery shopping, coming home to rest, Do Stuff, then take gd to the temple for the friday night service... which turned out to be a bit of a bummer, because they'd moved the entire kid's corner out of the synagogue for a big event and so the two of us played with crappy toys in the library by ourselves (although i did discover a cool book: yiddish folktales by beatrice weinrich)
---
driving home from the temple, a man in front was driving way too slowly so i took a look at him as i passed and saw that his head was bowed and he was not looking anywhere remotely in the direction of his windshield. "look where you're driving!", i yelled, and his elderly indian head popped up, looked at me, then gave me the traditional what-do-you-want-from-me wobble and shouted that he couldn't understand what i was saying. so i clarified, to which he responded that he knew where he was going, so what should he look for?
people, man. people.
---
a nice friday night dinner, i tried watching jimmy carr after mr smear went to sleep but after fifteen minutes determined that he's like conan o'brien: great joke writer, but awfully unfunny execution. i then proceeded to watch the netflix documentary inside the mossad, which was great, then entered the now-usual struggle to go to sleep.
receiving a really nice email from my current employer gracefully accepting my resignation!
today:
an acceptably reasonable rest, gd leaving for her course then suddenly remembering that there was a kid's event happening at the temple... a rushed exit, but mr smear and i having a pretty good time overall. he had phenomenal timing for a toilet run, just before we left, passed out in the car and for the next couple of hours gave me space to work on my book. the afternoon was a mix-and-match, including a fair amount of playing with duplo and some real struggling with my neck, back and legs, and after an early shower we settled in to watch labyrinth. we weren't 100% sure it was a good idea at first, but we got through most of the movie by bedtime and he was thoroughly engrossed ^_^
since then, i've watched a very good jen kirkman: just keep livin', and i'm now trying to decide if i'm tired enough to attempt to sleep or if i should be productive for an hour or so.
Friday, February 15, 2019
tough night but better morning
whoa.
TIL that sleeping on one's back is ideal, but for me practically impossible. the next best is sleeping on one's side... but one has to alternate sides or one may develop an asymmetry. which i clearly have. at least now i know.
i tried to go to bed at a reasonable hour, but got sent down a rabbit-hole of facebook stalking when i realized that a friend of mine's once best friend has been dating his ex-girlfriend for years. this wouldn't be dramatic if it wasn't for the fact that their initial fallout was over a girlfriend that had left my friend for his once best friend, married him, and publicly sent him what appeared to be a loving message on facebook days before he started dating the (new?) ex-girlfriend. i'm sure everyone's alright and happy now, but damn, i find that really weird.
after that time-suck, i tried to go to bed, but my back wasn't having any of it. it took about half an hour for me to get up to stretch / destroy bloons until my system gave up resisting a rest, which took about an hour, and the next thing i remember is waking up so i guess it's all okay now. i'm definitely feeling much better, though still a bit weak, and i've just started on my first cup of tea since tuesday morning.
i'm slowly but surely getting into my day, giving notice last night actually took a great weight off my shoulders even if nobody's responded yet.
first thought for the day: it's been almost three years since anybody cared if i wore pants to work.
second thought for the day: i'm done with bloons adventure time. i didn't acquire all the items, and i'm not paying $12 to unlock the special characters, let alone $30 for three. but $6 on an adventure pack was a fair donation in my book, it's a brilliant tower defense game that's given me meditative space (okay, and stolen a little sleep) for more than three months!
TIL that sleeping on one's back is ideal, but for me practically impossible. the next best is sleeping on one's side... but one has to alternate sides or one may develop an asymmetry. which i clearly have. at least now i know.
i tried to go to bed at a reasonable hour, but got sent down a rabbit-hole of facebook stalking when i realized that a friend of mine's once best friend has been dating his ex-girlfriend for years. this wouldn't be dramatic if it wasn't for the fact that their initial fallout was over a girlfriend that had left my friend for his once best friend, married him, and publicly sent him what appeared to be a loving message on facebook days before he started dating the (new?) ex-girlfriend. i'm sure everyone's alright and happy now, but damn, i find that really weird.
after that time-suck, i tried to go to bed, but my back wasn't having any of it. it took about half an hour for me to get up to stretch / destroy bloons until my system gave up resisting a rest, which took about an hour, and the next thing i remember is waking up so i guess it's all okay now. i'm definitely feeling much better, though still a bit weak, and i've just started on my first cup of tea since tuesday morning.
i'm slowly but surely getting into my day, giving notice last night actually took a great weight off my shoulders even if nobody's responded yet.
first thought for the day: it's been almost three years since anybody cared if i wore pants to work.
second thought for the day: i'm done with bloons adventure time. i didn't acquire all the items, and i'm not paying $12 to unlock the special characters, let alone $30 for three. but $6 on an adventure pack was a fair donation in my book, it's a brilliant tower defense game that's given me meditative space (okay, and stolen a little sleep) for more than three months!
Thursday, February 14, 2019
subject: untitled
alternative subjects: "surprise!", "onwards and upwards", and "so long, and thanks for all the fish"
and a few minutes ago i just submitted my resignation to the company i've been working for for the past six months. six months without a contract, little to no team interaction, anxiety at every payday, and zero improvement on my sleep schedule. now i have two weeks to make sure i leave everything tidier than when i arrived, and hopefully get my sleep cycles relatively straightened out.
...
on the health front, it was definitely a good idea to uber to the doctor this morning and not drive. i was feeling faint and woozy the entire trip, while my stomache had begun to come right during the night the rest of the horribleness came back, and while the doctor agrees with my assessment that it's a bug i'm fairly certain that it's cranial nerve pinching again and it's always impossible to tell.
funny, though, how ideas can be stronger than our physical bodies. the pharmacist made a comment about dairy allergies (she's dairy allergic) and was shocked and intrigued to learn that it has such an enormous impact on breast and prostate cancers, never mind the calcium-leeching that causes osteoporosis... that pumped me up to "almost well", at least until i got back home again.
day 3 of being sick: i remembered that i have physical books to read, and pulled down volume one of the deadpool collection. AWESOME.
my sickness / wellness has been on/off the entire day, and i had to take gd and mr smear grocery shopping which really took whatever i had left out of me. aside from dinner and showering mr smear, and putting together my resignation letter with my mom, i've basically just been trying to rest as much as possible. not sure how much good it's doing my neck, though...
... one thing i'm super-pleased with - the encryption tool i put together on the weekend? 86 downloads in three days. the idea that others are getting utility out of this is really exciting! oh, and on a vaguely related note, vector seems to be finding his feet and just put out this music video which i thought was very cool.
and a few minutes ago i just submitted my resignation to the company i've been working for for the past six months. six months without a contract, little to no team interaction, anxiety at every payday, and zero improvement on my sleep schedule. now i have two weeks to make sure i leave everything tidier than when i arrived, and hopefully get my sleep cycles relatively straightened out.
...
on the health front, it was definitely a good idea to uber to the doctor this morning and not drive. i was feeling faint and woozy the entire trip, while my stomache had begun to come right during the night the rest of the horribleness came back, and while the doctor agrees with my assessment that it's a bug i'm fairly certain that it's cranial nerve pinching again and it's always impossible to tell.
funny, though, how ideas can be stronger than our physical bodies. the pharmacist made a comment about dairy allergies (she's dairy allergic) and was shocked and intrigued to learn that it has such an enormous impact on breast and prostate cancers, never mind the calcium-leeching that causes osteoporosis... that pumped me up to "almost well", at least until i got back home again.
day 3 of being sick: i remembered that i have physical books to read, and pulled down volume one of the deadpool collection. AWESOME.
my sickness / wellness has been on/off the entire day, and i had to take gd and mr smear grocery shopping which really took whatever i had left out of me. aside from dinner and showering mr smear, and putting together my resignation letter with my mom, i've basically just been trying to rest as much as possible. not sure how much good it's doing my neck, though...
... one thing i'm super-pleased with - the encryption tool i put together on the weekend? 86 downloads in three days. the idea that others are getting utility out of this is really exciting! oh, and on a vaguely related note, vector seems to be finding his feet and just put out this music video which i thought was very cool.
antizionists vs the jews
"Criticizing the state of Israel is not hostility to or prejudice against Jews, therefore not Anti-Semitic BY DEFINITION. But yall really keep trying it."
that very much depends on whether you're listening to both sides of the story, and very much on who's telling it. i lived in israel for twelve years, a couple of those with palestinians, and i've learned that even on the ground relatively few people know what's actually going on and it's a phenomenally complex and nuanced situation. if all the criticism is flowing in only one direction, well, then the bias is telling. nobody yelling "free palestine" is actually doing the palestinians any favours, all that does is inspire more fighting and prevent more talking.
"there's so much to unpack here. Prevent more talking? Like the "inciting" laws that prevent free speech for Palestinians? Inspire more fighting? Like illegal settlements in the West Bank? If you're not speaking actively and outwardly against those things, whose bias. Is showing?
We say Free Palestine because Palestinians aren't free. In their own land. To self determine. I know what apartheid looks like. I know what oppression looks like. And speaking out against those policies doesn't equate to anti-semitism. Unless of course you're intertwining oppression and Judaism, which would be wild."
you say you know what apartheid looks like, as a south african born under apartheid let me tell you that comparing the situation there to apartheid is unbelievably insulting to the africans that suffered under actual apartheid.
the only time that comparison becomes at all fathomable is by denying that the state of israel has the right to exist. and following that line, you would have to be denying that the jews made multiple attempts to peaceably divide the country from 1928 through to the independence war. we won that war, and those "palestinians" who remained became "israeli arabs" and have civil rights just like any other israeli. those who fled, or were chased out (the stories aren't always so clear), were not accepted as refugees by their countries of origin (egypt and jordan, primarily), and have been deliberately forced to maintain their refugee status by the arab nations because it has suited them to exploit these people as a weapon against israel. UNRWA was invented to maintain the palestinians' refugee status, not to help them get on with their lives (which is pretty messed up if you think about it).
so back to the point, if you're calling israel an "apartheid state" then you're including the palestinian territories (gaza and the west bank) as a part of israel, which they're not. they're under PA and hamas control, not israeli control, which means that israelis would be the dumbest people on the planet to let them pass through israeli borders unchecked. and i've heard stories from troops on the border that would make you cry for both sides.
let's be very clear that i do not in any way, shape or form think that situation is okay. let's be very clear, i personally believe that the palestinians are the most ****ed over people on the planet. the only thing is, what's doing them over isn't the israelis - though the gods know israel is not helping their situation nor the israelis' by reacting to every terrorist instigation rather than trying to find out-of-the-box solutions for such a complex situation - israel is well within its moral rights to defend its citizens, and the palestinians are not israeli citizens.
myself, and what i estimate to be the vast majority of israelis, do not want settlements, we want peace, we want dialog, we want solutions. many, if not most palestinians want peace with israel and to get on with their lives. but we're all at the mercy of a number of factors.
1. the palestinians aren't just at the mercy of their leadership, which in turn is at the mercy of rich, terrible entities that fund them and don't give a damn about anything other than the destruction of the jews, they're at the mercy of decades of training to be weapons of hate against israel. we've heard countless stories - and i've met some refugees personally - of people who've been taught to hate israel and the jews from birth and who enter the country and discover that it's all lies. there are plenty of palestinians who know what's going on, but they also know that if they dare to open their mouths the palestinian "leadership" will drag them through the streets, execute them, and make their families suffer.
2. the israelis generally want peace, but as proud as they are of their democracy it's been corrupt as **** since the 90's and their leadership are pretty clueless. except for netanyahu, who's a very shrew POS who's conned a magnificent political game, and with his (what i believe should be illegal) tactical coalition governments has managed to give power to the hard-right minority who are causing almost as much damage to the israeli populace as they are to palestinian relations - those are the settlers and their supporters.
3. after decades of terrorism, israelis have become convinced that palestinians "love death" and cannot be negotiated with. they cannot empathize with the palestinians, and you probably wouldn't want to either if you lived in perpetual fear of them. but imagine if you had the choice of a really shitty life, or of ending it quickly with a violent act and securing for family for a little while. what would you choose?
neither the palestinians nor the israelis trust each other, and although there are some wonderful initiatives happening at a grassroots level there're certainly not enough. it doesn't help that both sides culturally are very proud, and very stubborn. we could work to increase these initiatives, but the media and court of public opinion prefers to put all blame squarely on the israelis shoulders which makes these positive sorts of things harder to pull off.
---
on a personal level, i've been speaking out against the settlements for decades now, very few people i know are misguided enough to support them. the settlements make me angry, dude, and i've been hit with tear gas for protesting them. regarding "incitement", don't be confused by BS. palestinians and israeli-arabs can and do say whatever they damned well please, as long as its against israel. the real punishment comes when they speak out against their own organizations, you look that up and tell me you're cool with what those people are subjected to.
btw, i've also served in the army, and i can guarantee you that military indoctrination is to be as ethical as possible and to avoid both physical and psychological harm to anyone who is not a clear aggressor. while that leads to an distasteful conversation that we can have about units who do not adhere to army doctrine, i can vouch from the inside that by and large israel and israelis have no malicious intent towards the palestinians and just want this crap to be over. you would not believe the lengths to which hamas has to go to increase casualties whenever some kind of action is being taken, it's literally mind-boggling.
personally, i believe that israel would serve the palestinians and themselves best if they *would* give the palestinians the right of return, the palestinians would definitely be a lot better off. but because israel is a "proud democracy" we would immediately lose our jewish homeland due to numbers. so we'd have to ditch modern democracy and figure out some other system, which would be such a controversial move that i can't imagine that ever happening. any other constructive solutions always welcome.
---
so all that said, you're totally right to criticize settlements. but if you're not criticizing the arab nations (via hamas and the PA) for their part, that sounds like a pretty serious bias to me. everyone seems to care so much about the actions of a tiny jewish state, which is serving as a wonderful distraction from the humanitarian disaster that surrounds it. if people really cared about the palestinians, they'd care about solving the problems and not carrying on down the same, well-worn paths we've been fighting on for most of a century.
and if you're only criticizing israel, well, then, one has to be fair and look at what that tiny nation represents. because it's the jewish homeland, and when push comes to shove we really don't have anywhere else to go. if you're not part of the solution...
that very much depends on whether you're listening to both sides of the story, and very much on who's telling it. i lived in israel for twelve years, a couple of those with palestinians, and i've learned that even on the ground relatively few people know what's actually going on and it's a phenomenally complex and nuanced situation. if all the criticism is flowing in only one direction, well, then the bias is telling. nobody yelling "free palestine" is actually doing the palestinians any favours, all that does is inspire more fighting and prevent more talking.
"there's so much to unpack here. Prevent more talking? Like the "inciting" laws that prevent free speech for Palestinians? Inspire more fighting? Like illegal settlements in the West Bank? If you're not speaking actively and outwardly against those things, whose bias. Is showing?
We say Free Palestine because Palestinians aren't free. In their own land. To self determine. I know what apartheid looks like. I know what oppression looks like. And speaking out against those policies doesn't equate to anti-semitism. Unless of course you're intertwining oppression and Judaism, which would be wild."
you say you know what apartheid looks like, as a south african born under apartheid let me tell you that comparing the situation there to apartheid is unbelievably insulting to the africans that suffered under actual apartheid.
the only time that comparison becomes at all fathomable is by denying that the state of israel has the right to exist. and following that line, you would have to be denying that the jews made multiple attempts to peaceably divide the country from 1928 through to the independence war. we won that war, and those "palestinians" who remained became "israeli arabs" and have civil rights just like any other israeli. those who fled, or were chased out (the stories aren't always so clear), were not accepted as refugees by their countries of origin (egypt and jordan, primarily), and have been deliberately forced to maintain their refugee status by the arab nations because it has suited them to exploit these people as a weapon against israel. UNRWA was invented to maintain the palestinians' refugee status, not to help them get on with their lives (which is pretty messed up if you think about it).
so back to the point, if you're calling israel an "apartheid state" then you're including the palestinian territories (gaza and the west bank) as a part of israel, which they're not. they're under PA and hamas control, not israeli control, which means that israelis would be the dumbest people on the planet to let them pass through israeli borders unchecked. and i've heard stories from troops on the border that would make you cry for both sides.
let's be very clear that i do not in any way, shape or form think that situation is okay. let's be very clear, i personally believe that the palestinians are the most ****ed over people on the planet. the only thing is, what's doing them over isn't the israelis - though the gods know israel is not helping their situation nor the israelis' by reacting to every terrorist instigation rather than trying to find out-of-the-box solutions for such a complex situation - israel is well within its moral rights to defend its citizens, and the palestinians are not israeli citizens.
myself, and what i estimate to be the vast majority of israelis, do not want settlements, we want peace, we want dialog, we want solutions. many, if not most palestinians want peace with israel and to get on with their lives. but we're all at the mercy of a number of factors.
1. the palestinians aren't just at the mercy of their leadership, which in turn is at the mercy of rich, terrible entities that fund them and don't give a damn about anything other than the destruction of the jews, they're at the mercy of decades of training to be weapons of hate against israel. we've heard countless stories - and i've met some refugees personally - of people who've been taught to hate israel and the jews from birth and who enter the country and discover that it's all lies. there are plenty of palestinians who know what's going on, but they also know that if they dare to open their mouths the palestinian "leadership" will drag them through the streets, execute them, and make their families suffer.
2. the israelis generally want peace, but as proud as they are of their democracy it's been corrupt as **** since the 90's and their leadership are pretty clueless. except for netanyahu, who's a very shrew POS who's conned a magnificent political game, and with his (what i believe should be illegal) tactical coalition governments has managed to give power to the hard-right minority who are causing almost as much damage to the israeli populace as they are to palestinian relations - those are the settlers and their supporters.
3. after decades of terrorism, israelis have become convinced that palestinians "love death" and cannot be negotiated with. they cannot empathize with the palestinians, and you probably wouldn't want to either if you lived in perpetual fear of them. but imagine if you had the choice of a really shitty life, or of ending it quickly with a violent act and securing for family for a little while. what would you choose?
neither the palestinians nor the israelis trust each other, and although there are some wonderful initiatives happening at a grassroots level there're certainly not enough. it doesn't help that both sides culturally are very proud, and very stubborn. we could work to increase these initiatives, but the media and court of public opinion prefers to put all blame squarely on the israelis shoulders which makes these positive sorts of things harder to pull off.
---
on a personal level, i've been speaking out against the settlements for decades now, very few people i know are misguided enough to support them. the settlements make me angry, dude, and i've been hit with tear gas for protesting them. regarding "incitement", don't be confused by BS. palestinians and israeli-arabs can and do say whatever they damned well please, as long as its against israel. the real punishment comes when they speak out against their own organizations, you look that up and tell me you're cool with what those people are subjected to.
btw, i've also served in the army, and i can guarantee you that military indoctrination is to be as ethical as possible and to avoid both physical and psychological harm to anyone who is not a clear aggressor. while that leads to an distasteful conversation that we can have about units who do not adhere to army doctrine, i can vouch from the inside that by and large israel and israelis have no malicious intent towards the palestinians and just want this crap to be over. you would not believe the lengths to which hamas has to go to increase casualties whenever some kind of action is being taken, it's literally mind-boggling.
personally, i believe that israel would serve the palestinians and themselves best if they *would* give the palestinians the right of return, the palestinians would definitely be a lot better off. but because israel is a "proud democracy" we would immediately lose our jewish homeland due to numbers. so we'd have to ditch modern democracy and figure out some other system, which would be such a controversial move that i can't imagine that ever happening. any other constructive solutions always welcome.
---
so all that said, you're totally right to criticize settlements. but if you're not criticizing the arab nations (via hamas and the PA) for their part, that sounds like a pretty serious bias to me. everyone seems to care so much about the actions of a tiny jewish state, which is serving as a wonderful distraction from the humanitarian disaster that surrounds it. if people really cared about the palestinians, they'd care about solving the problems and not carrying on down the same, well-worn paths we've been fighting on for most of a century.
and if you're only criticizing israel, well, then, one has to be fair and look at what that tiny nation represents. because it's the jewish homeland, and when push comes to shove we really don't have anywhere else to go. if you're not part of the solution...
Wednesday, February 13, 2019
this must be what pain feels like
well, i did get a relatively peaceful night's rest after my last post. at least that.
*WARNING: GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION AHEAD*
i woke up yesterday morning peeing from my butt, and it hasn't stopped yet. i didn't feel too bad at first, but i got pushed into dropping gd off at the gym and by the time i got home i was *sick*. as in, i literally thought i might die on the bowl. i spent the day and night either in bed feeling sorry for myself or on the toilet fighting to maintain consciousness.
i woke up this morning feeling better, but the diarrhoea hasn't let up. i've at least managed to eat a bit, but i'm still sore and uncomfortable and have had to be in bed or on the can for most of the day.
fortunately when gd left me alone with mr smear for a couple of hours i was able to engage with him a bit, and his enthusiasm for the books i brought out was really gratifying and him playing with his spiderman figurines is always a treat.
i love how he knows all the names (except dr octopus, who he just calls "bad guy"), calls spiderman 2099 by his full title every time and has decided that venom's a good guy because he once said he was sorry.
when gd returned we watched a couple more episodes of hunter x hunter before bedtime.
Monday, February 11, 2019
stimpak
yesterday:
leaving town was hectic, mr smear was not impressed that his mommy and daddy weren't taking him with. the retreat was nice, surprisingly constructive and productive, we met a few cool people, and the food was amazing. there was one woman who gave a talk about urban farming that was 60% on point and 40% such utter rubbish that i couldn't keep my face from raging and i'm extremely proud of myself for managing to keep my mouth shut (aside from a few choice comments to gd).
arriving late, leaving late, spending a miserably windy afternoon indoors and finishing up the project i began on the saturday evening: i'm really proud of it, and when i checked in this morning 37 people had already downloaded it so i'm hoping it's making the world a slightly safer place.
once i'd published that, i settled down to eat dinner and watch hunter x hunter with my family before shower and bedtime. a short break to destroy bloons (yep, i'm still playing the adventure time tower defense game), i threw myself into the latest podcast, and along the way it occurred to me that i should bundle my notes together for my backers...
today:
no sleep until 6am, miserably restless and sore
i've gotten through today by the grace of sudafed, green tea and chocolate.
the gym's generator was down during this morning's surprise load-shedding, and i took the time to explore putting my notes together. i don't think macs are that much better than PCs, but *damn*, pages kicks word's ass ANY day. it's inspired me to convert my notes into an actual book, and i'm one chapter in and it's looking sexy. it's not as awesome as a graphic novel, in my opinion, but it's still a solid step and at least within the shakespeare communities probably a lot likelier to sell.
and all proceeds will, of course, go towards the comics :)
i managed to get some bureaucracy handled, but i didn't get much actual work done before load-shedding struck again at 4pm. it felt like a sign that i should leave; on the one hand, it rendered parking free, on the other, everybody else felt the same and it took at least half an hour to get home. i spent about forty-five minutes eating and working, then headed off to the temple for our monthly study session.
after another interesting session with lots to think about i came home to catch the tail end of moana, shower mr smear, read to him, chat with my mom before she flies for two days, work a little, break to post this, and hopefully go to bed reasonably soon.
and sleep. i'm praying that my body will let me sleep, dammit. i need this.
leaving town was hectic, mr smear was not impressed that his mommy and daddy weren't taking him with. the retreat was nice, surprisingly constructive and productive, we met a few cool people, and the food was amazing. there was one woman who gave a talk about urban farming that was 60% on point and 40% such utter rubbish that i couldn't keep my face from raging and i'm extremely proud of myself for managing to keep my mouth shut (aside from a few choice comments to gd).
arriving late, leaving late, spending a miserably windy afternoon indoors and finishing up the project i began on the saturday evening: i'm really proud of it, and when i checked in this morning 37 people had already downloaded it so i'm hoping it's making the world a slightly safer place.
once i'd published that, i settled down to eat dinner and watch hunter x hunter with my family before shower and bedtime. a short break to destroy bloons (yep, i'm still playing the adventure time tower defense game), i threw myself into the latest podcast, and along the way it occurred to me that i should bundle my notes together for my backers...
today:
no sleep until 6am, miserably restless and sore
i've gotten through today by the grace of sudafed, green tea and chocolate.
the gym's generator was down during this morning's surprise load-shedding, and i took the time to explore putting my notes together. i don't think macs are that much better than PCs, but *damn*, pages kicks word's ass ANY day. it's inspired me to convert my notes into an actual book, and i'm one chapter in and it's looking sexy. it's not as awesome as a graphic novel, in my opinion, but it's still a solid step and at least within the shakespeare communities probably a lot likelier to sell.
and all proceeds will, of course, go towards the comics :)
i managed to get some bureaucracy handled, but i didn't get much actual work done before load-shedding struck again at 4pm. it felt like a sign that i should leave; on the one hand, it rendered parking free, on the other, everybody else felt the same and it took at least half an hour to get home. i spent about forty-five minutes eating and working, then headed off to the temple for our monthly study session.
after another interesting session with lots to think about i came home to catch the tail end of moana, shower mr smear, read to him, chat with my mom before she flies for two days, work a little, break to post this, and hopefully go to bed reasonably soon.
and sleep. i'm praying that my body will let me sleep, dammit. i need this.
Sunday, February 10, 2019
sleep theory
i can't win. i tried to sleep after posting, but my brain said "no". between the discomfort from my back and visions of the code i'd been working on, i couldn't rest and eventually got up around 4am and worked on the code for a couple of hours, eventually going to bed feeling very satisfied with myself and managing to navigate some weird dreams until gd dragged me out of bed a few minutes ago.
wired
friday:
one hour of work, a mission to get the nanny to the bus station, a fight with our landlord and getting the locksmiths to correct their report to her (they'd gotten us confused with a different client), a little more work before our friend arrived, a mostly pleasant experience at the temple with the two noisy boys, a curry club dinner with some discipline issues, taking them home then returning to shower and crash
yesterday :
up early, gd's first hypnotherapy lesson, mr smear hearing a pink floyd song for the first time in about six months and excitedly repeating "shine on you crazy diamond", turning that into the song of the day
a fun aquarium visit with another classmate, getting him to eat a good lunch, visiting my mom and learning that the reason her new computer "doesn't work well" is because she keeps shutting it down instead of just closing the lid
mr smear falling asleep on the way back, taking advantage and napping myself, enjoying hunter x hunter as a family and a little playfighting before shower and bedtime (parenting win, he wants to be like gon freeks)
the rest of the first episode of mr robot, trying to figure out how to safely ensure that my family has access to my digital life in case something happens to me and getting pulled in to an encryption project i should have started ages ago
today:
and now it's 1am and we have to be up early for a "retreat"
Friday, February 08, 2019
pest control pests
yesterday didn't get much more productive, but i only got to bed around midnight (partially due to knocking minor items off my to-do list and updating my windows machine)
it's 2pm and i'm just beginning to work now, after a good night's rest we all had breakfast and got ready to leave before 10am as we were expecting the pest control guys to arrive, only they hadn't been told that that was the plan so they got to us over two hours late which thoroughly messed up our plans for the day. we picked up the nanny, drove through utterly insane traffic to the waterfront, and i'm finally settled in the gym but have to be out of here in about an hour...
FFS.
it's 2pm and i'm just beginning to work now, after a good night's rest we all had breakfast and got ready to leave before 10am as we were expecting the pest control guys to arrive, only they hadn't been told that that was the plan so they got to us over two hours late which thoroughly messed up our plans for the day. we picked up the nanny, drove through utterly insane traffic to the waterfront, and i'm finally settled in the gym but have to be out of here in about an hour...
FFS.
Thursday, February 07, 2019
buggy birthday
waking up with gd freaking out over another infestation (probably mites), ruining her birthday from the get-go. keeping mr smear home on a really hot day (to not share whatever this is), and the pest control team not willing to come into town because of the SONA preparations (which really didn't affect anything until after they would have left).
almost falling asleep during the morning meeting, taking the family to my mom's to pick up our boxing gear (which we couldn't find), then to the waterfront to buy gd's birthday present: optimus prime for mr smear (she got an early birthday present or two, and she really wanted him to have one)
a struggle to find me sandals, eventually succeeding, then heading back to town to have lunch at plant. stopping by the pharmacy. the day had become super-heated, so i shared a coconut water with mr smear and almost forget to pay for it, then managed to forget the ready bag (with an expensive epipen and asthma pump / spacer amongst other things), only realizing that'd happened once we got home. rushing back to sit with the security guards and go over twenty minutes of footage to figure out where i'd left it, being enormously relieved to find it but also sweaty and very tired.
showing off the healing tattoos to the artist on the way home, it's really beginning to look good!
a serious nap, then an unproductive slo-mo afternoon that felt like moving through hot soup.
almost falling asleep during the morning meeting, taking the family to my mom's to pick up our boxing gear (which we couldn't find), then to the waterfront to buy gd's birthday present: optimus prime for mr smear (she got an early birthday present or two, and she really wanted him to have one)
a struggle to find me sandals, eventually succeeding, then heading back to town to have lunch at plant. stopping by the pharmacy. the day had become super-heated, so i shared a coconut water with mr smear and almost forget to pay for it, then managed to forget the ready bag (with an expensive epipen and asthma pump / spacer amongst other things), only realizing that'd happened once we got home. rushing back to sit with the security guards and go over twenty minutes of footage to figure out where i'd left it, being enormously relieved to find it but also sweaty and very tired.
showing off the healing tattoos to the artist on the way home, it's really beginning to look good!
a serious nap, then an unproductive slo-mo afternoon that felt like moving through hot soup.
2 minutes to midnight
... is the perfect time to push code and call it a day.
yesterday:
i barely got any work done, between shared-workspace distractions, the physio appointment, a long nap, grocery shopping, and game night... game night was great. i've been with the group for a few months now, i think it's the longest rpg run i've ever had and our party and DM have a really cool dynamic :)
today:
i slept better last night, i'm praying tonight will be alright as well. i didn't actually leave the house today, gd and the nanny handled mr smear and i spent most of it actually being productive.
BIG news: company 1 was having trouble with my background check because of my status with my current employer - i work for them, i invoice them, they pay me, but we don't have any formal contract or documentation and i have to take care of all my own administration. i gave up all the documentation they asked for, but they told me they needed more, and i started to get worried because i really want to switch jobs and i'd been planning on giving my current employer two weeks' notice next friday. the moment when they finally accepted my documentation was such a deep relief i felt like my whole universe shook. i'm ready, world, lemme get in there already!
i'm getting sick of the DA cold-calls, so i've started "putting them on hold" by saying "please hold" and whistling at them until they give up. the first lady lasted a minute, the gentleman who called afterwards had two minutes of patience for me in spite of me smiling at one point and just blowing air.
flybys and cannons for SONA rehearsal? gd was freaking out, understandably.
someone on reddit asked a question about shakespeare's sonnets i could answer, i had to restrain myself from spamming ALL THE COMMENTS.
gd's getting into hunter x hunter. and she's addicted to angry birds. i'm entertained :D
the sonnet 4 tattoo is beginning to clear up, i'm looking forward to seeing it properly. i'm actually not stressed about any of them any more, if something's not right we'll fix it, and the chances are that if it's not perfect it'll still be awesome.
yesterday:
i barely got any work done, between shared-workspace distractions, the physio appointment, a long nap, grocery shopping, and game night... game night was great. i've been with the group for a few months now, i think it's the longest rpg run i've ever had and our party and DM have a really cool dynamic :)
today:
i slept better last night, i'm praying tonight will be alright as well. i didn't actually leave the house today, gd and the nanny handled mr smear and i spent most of it actually being productive.
BIG news: company 1 was having trouble with my background check because of my status with my current employer - i work for them, i invoice them, they pay me, but we don't have any formal contract or documentation and i have to take care of all my own administration. i gave up all the documentation they asked for, but they told me they needed more, and i started to get worried because i really want to switch jobs and i'd been planning on giving my current employer two weeks' notice next friday. the moment when they finally accepted my documentation was such a deep relief i felt like my whole universe shook. i'm ready, world, lemme get in there already!
i'm getting sick of the DA cold-calls, so i've started "putting them on hold" by saying "please hold" and whistling at them until they give up. the first lady lasted a minute, the gentleman who called afterwards had two minutes of patience for me in spite of me smiling at one point and just blowing air.
flybys and cannons for SONA rehearsal? gd was freaking out, understandably.
someone on reddit asked a question about shakespeare's sonnets i could answer, i had to restrain myself from spamming ALL THE COMMENTS.
gd's getting into hunter x hunter. and she's addicted to angry birds. i'm entertained :D
the sonnet 4 tattoo is beginning to clear up, i'm looking forward to seeing it properly. i'm actually not stressed about any of them any more, if something's not right we'll fix it, and the chances are that if it's not perfect it'll still be awesome.
Monday, February 04, 2019
much wow.
arguing with someone on reddit and being called misinformed because i stated that the quality of the calories you intake is more important than the quantity when it comes to weight loss :/
...
i haven't posted in a few days, as i just posted before my energy levels are stable but close to zero. work-wise, if i was demoralized before i found a new and exciting job it was nothing compared to how little i'm invested now...
tattoo sonnet four is beginning to flake, the other two are healing nicely except for the text on sonnet 3 being very faint.
...
thursday: [missing]
friday: dropping gd and mr smear off at the museum before a meeting with the big boss (first time i've spoken to him), night tantrum exhaustion (mr smear was super tired before we arrived at the temple)
saturday: a trek up the mountain with mr smear, a fresh tattoo, and only half a cup of tea. BIG mistake. spending the rest of the day recovering. seeing aquaman while stressing about leaving my mom and mr smear without a front door key. he's bulletproof? how'd he get those tattoos, then? how does his mother get to the surface in the middle of a battle wearing high heels? why is mera's makeup so trashy? otherwise, it was awesome.
sunday: gd taking mr smear with our friends to the aquarium while i rested and analyzed sonnet 14.
today: exhausted, mr smear waking me up by reading a story to me (it was amazing until he started hitting me with the book), a really rough start to the day because mr smear's friend is REALLY unhappy with his miserable teacher and the principal and the kid's father are both being dicks about it. the kid's three, FFS.
a fun chat with my workplace bromance and him sticking ibuprofen patches on my back - i didn't realize the damage from a couple of weeks ago is actually visible and i've scheduled a physio appointment for tomorrow. taking gd with to the post office to pick up an incredible customized book for mr smear that we'd forgotten about, picking him up, having lunch at plant, napping, then coming here to my mom's coffee shop to work.
...
i haven't posted in a few days, as i just posted before my energy levels are stable but close to zero. work-wise, if i was demoralized before i found a new and exciting job it was nothing compared to how little i'm invested now...
tattoo sonnet four is beginning to flake, the other two are healing nicely except for the text on sonnet 3 being very faint.
...
thursday: [missing]
friday: dropping gd and mr smear off at the museum before a meeting with the big boss (first time i've spoken to him), night tantrum exhaustion (mr smear was super tired before we arrived at the temple)
saturday: a trek up the mountain with mr smear, a fresh tattoo, and only half a cup of tea. BIG mistake. spending the rest of the day recovering. seeing aquaman while stressing about leaving my mom and mr smear without a front door key. he's bulletproof? how'd he get those tattoos, then? how does his mother get to the surface in the middle of a battle wearing high heels? why is mera's makeup so trashy? otherwise, it was awesome.
sunday: gd taking mr smear with our friends to the aquarium while i rested and analyzed sonnet 14.
today: exhausted, mr smear waking me up by reading a story to me (it was amazing until he started hitting me with the book), a really rough start to the day because mr smear's friend is REALLY unhappy with his miserable teacher and the principal and the kid's father are both being dicks about it. the kid's three, FFS.
a fun chat with my workplace bromance and him sticking ibuprofen patches on my back - i didn't realize the damage from a couple of weeks ago is actually visible and i've scheduled a physio appointment for tomorrow. taking gd with to the post office to pick up an incredible customized book for mr smear that we'd forgotten about, picking him up, having lunch at plant, napping, then coming here to my mom's coffee shop to work.
coffee, tea and me
there are plenty of healthy attributes to coffee, but the most important one to me has always been "keeps me awake". recently i realized that it wasn't actually doing that as much as i remember, and i decided to pull back... and replace coffee with green tea, which is not only healthy but also an easy way for me to hydrate. because, they say, hydration is important.
i've been mostly off coffee for a couple of weeks now. i haven't had the usual caffeine withdrawal headaches (because i'm still consuming caffeine), but i noticed an almost immediate relief of anxiety that i didn't even know i had. amazing!
so those are all very nice, but i have to admit that while my energy levels are a lot more consistent now, they're generally a lot lower than they were before. like, i'm spending most of my days in dire need of a nap.
i love my coffee, but for the first time in my life regret my relationship with it.
i've been mostly off coffee for a couple of weeks now. i haven't had the usual caffeine withdrawal headaches (because i'm still consuming caffeine), but i noticed an almost immediate relief of anxiety that i didn't even know i had. amazing!
so those are all very nice, but i have to admit that while my energy levels are a lot more consistent now, they're generally a lot lower than they were before. like, i'm spending most of my days in dire need of a nap.
i love my coffee, but for the first time in my life regret my relationship with it.
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