eye gong

depression/wartime anxiety is making every little task overwhelming. gd's been having a very hard time the past few days - we all have - but her in particular. we were talking about it during the day, and i think i know what it is: being under attack is scary, but not knowing whether you're under attack is terrifying. it's a case of "the devil you know" - we tend to be more afraid of the unknown than of direct threats.

especially after ten straight months of terror and war.

it looks like a lot of the world is waking up to how they've been played by BRICS, but if social media is to be believed, places like montreal and toronto and pretty much lost. gods help us all.

...

friday:

we successfully paid a visit to the shiva house, and mr smear was relatively amazing (generally pretty good) with his little cousins. it was quite crowded, but we hung with our younger (new parent) cousins and were present.

i don't think we did anything else for the remainder of the day. i was exhausted, as i had been for a few days.

yesterday:

i spent most of the day alternating between doing not much (watching random stuff and starting to read naruto), watching the goblet of fire with mr smear*, and napping. in the evening i took mr smear to the climbing wall, and while we weren't there for very long nor did very much, we did have a good time.

* re-watching the fifth harry potter movie, and it's beyond triggering. the ministry of magic's absurd behavior EXACTLY describes what israel and the jews have been dealing with for the past ten months (far longer than that, but it's been frighteningly transparent since october 7th), it's horrifying and anxiety-inducing and wrong.

today:

i tried to look into schools in the area, but became thoroughly overwhelmed. i'm going to try again tomorrow, this time scoping it down to filtering schools by location...

my work day went really well. i got a lot done, and having completed all my tasks on time i started taking over others' tasks, and overall made my boss and coworkers happy.

we went out for a fancy lunch to say farewell to our marketing consultant; it wasn't vegan-friendly, but they made a plan and the experience was surprisingly good. especially their focaccia with jalapeño jam.

mr smear appears to be doing well back in mma. i'm very pleased.

i did eat way too much pasta over the course of the day, though. so i skipped dinner, replacing it with a walk to the supermarket for a couple of emergency supplies (and things that can't be obtained online) and text chatting with a help line that proved pretty unhelpful.

neapolitan

i'm currently doing my duty by consuming as much of so delicious' neapolitan container that i bought by accident as i can so that i don't bring anything into gd's home that might accidentally poison her (strawberries). my wrist is hurting pretty badly post-boxing but i think the ice-cream's helping... no, i'm applying it orally, don't be foolish... boxing was fantastic, it's the first time in ages where i've walked out feeling tired and sore but *good*. i needed somewhere to focus my irritation about losing my ipod and my situation in general - i found my ipod when i came home, after a couple of days' frustrated searching - and the only thing tonight that worried me is that the timewaster was talking crazy tonight, including describing how amazing he is in judo and how he'll beat me up when he's bigger, and i couldn't help wondering if the kid's troubled and this is a cry for help that i'm laughing at* or if he's just as big an asshole as he seems.

* for me, this just gave a whole new meaning to "as funny as a cry for help"

it was a gorgeous, hot, sunny day so carrying my snowboard across (and in a packed metro car) felt a little weird. my pre-training meal was in front of the second episode of arrested development that i've seen, and i've reached the conclusion that it's a rubbish series, unfunny and not for me.

---the more i think about gd's situation, the more i feel like this town runs on madness. but it's fun, and beautiful, and interesting, and getting started here is the easiest way to get started.

looking back - part ii.1

alright, we're down to this week. i can handle four days in brief, right?

---sunday night? this part's a little confused:

bad boys (viking) -> starship troopers (sgt. zim) -> john dies at the end (dr. albert marconi). i guess i've gotta see that last one, i'm glad i've read the book.

gd and i had a fight about one of her pet peeves. we had another major one last night. it's amazing how worked up we can both get and yet still end up resolving things in a way that we're both happy. we're both intense but we both stay rational in spite of our emotions, and we both keep finding ourselves surprised by the results.

---monday:

waking up at 5am with a pinched nerve making my butt hurt.

taking gd to the clinic, accidentally pantsing her in the waiting room.

having coffee with godmother at atwater market, joined by gd. we all agree on the fact that us looking for another apartment before i start working is a bad idea, but that my moving in to gd's apartment is a good one. godmother was shocked when gd sat down on a bench she'd thought was higher and yelled "omg, i just swallowed my vagina!". by the time she found another way to express the sensation it was too late, and after saying goodbye we found ourselves giggling uncontrollably.

we did some shopping and while i did the dishes we discovered that we both love shpongle. awesome!

i accompanied gd to studiotec where she trained with one of her bosses and his boyfriend. there was a woman waiting for her turn who kept saying "i don't think i can handle that", looking at me and laughing as if i would obviously agree with her. i don't know what kind of support she expected, if you're too unadventurous to try something new then i have no respect for you. i wanted to ask her how long she'd been merely surviving but i bit my tongue and did my best to ignore her.

i was tired and gd's quick shopping took too long for me. suddenly it was 5pm and i'd done precious little, it was too late to pay l'artère and i went home to knock items off my task list before another team meeting.

you know when you're trying to make an online payment and you worry that at some point something's going to go wrong? well, my payment to revenu québec crashed my browser as i clicked "submit". i'd have to wait two days to make sure that it hadn't gone through before trying again...

i lost time on the couch, got up to write character sketches for mti, packed perishables to take to gd then rushed out late for the team meeting. it was a good meeting. there was an awkward moment where someone was discussing hallucinations and i was worried i was the only person who could talk about hallucinogens positively, but then the moment was broken as two of the others shared their opinions on the subject. we'll be fine.

on the way to the metro with rabbit and her boyfriend they convinced me that fisher king is a good choice.

i ate junk-food for supper, then went to bed.

---tuesday:

after a mixed bag of dreams i awoke with gd at 5am to a nightmare situation. i may have mentioned before that the working conditions of a stylist in montreal are pretty close to those of a sweatshop, and she was sick and they don't get sick leave. a lot of what she described made me angry, and we argued back and forth until eventually she agreed to call her boss and explain that she couldn't get there.

apparently, she made him feel so shitty about his no-illness policy that he didn't want to speak about it, so she got a day off and the morning was perfect* after that.

* well, it could have been better if she wasn't sick, but it was as perfect as could be aside from that.

i was slow on tuesday morning, trying to knock off more items from my list. obviously, being in a hurry to print something at the ups store *demands* being held back by old ladies who can't handle credit cards and are so useless they have to have their pin codes written on their cards.

i was shocked by how expensive printing a single black and white page was. i think the girls behind the counter were offended by my expression.

on the metro, an old, creepy guy playing games on an ipad complimented me on my bugs bunny shirt.

as i left the metro, i was feeling strong, suddenly energized and walking tall. i met with an ex-co-worker for coffee on a nice side of mont royal i'd never been before. i was shocked to learned how he'd been fired - they'd called him in for a project meeting, so he had to ride his bike through horrific weather for most of an hour, only to surprise him by letting him go. that's ugly, until tuesday he still had no idea why they fired him and i explained to him the political climate and why his actual work had nothing to do with it. i also offered to give him a reference whenever he wants, he's a professional and a pleasure to work with.

i returned to l'artère to pay the big bill, and mindlessly occupied myself with another case solved until i got home. i then tried to help my mother with her phone. i then renamed myself.

i skipped the first kickboxing class in order to get something done. i carried my microwave to gd's in my hands.
of course, the only person to offer her seat on the metro would be an older, larger woman :/
and of course it would start raining as i stepped outside. fortunately it was a only a few drops before i got home and the skies opened.

i had excess frustration to train off, and walked out of the gym after an hour feeling good about a dude stealing some of my taekwondo moves and me almost getting my left wheel kick sorted out. i wasn't feeling good about the fact that it's sweaty season again, nor that my breathing was strained again. although i suspect that that might have been caused by my starting to get sick.

how nice to be rained on when carrying groceries with a flash drive and a charger in my pockets. i'm so glad gd had left an awkward little umbrella at my apartment...

dinner: an incredible mix of steamed veggies, a regular salad and quinoa. this steaming thing is great! and cooking with blue pilots project - flight for everyone just made the whole day better.

[continued...]

supertongue montreal introduction - part ii

[... continued]

we picked up lunch at la panthère verte, then walked up to the mountain. we didn't get very far, but we did get to enjoy a bit of a trail, the larping and an incredible hippie stage at the tams. the vegan brownie we'd picked up earlier was orgasmic, and distracted me from my sore feet.

we arrived at l'artère just in time for the workshop, the sound man was watching r.a. the rugged man - definition of a rap flow which i think is cool. the workshop was primarily for two kids horseman brought along, but halogen and rabbit's boyfriend participated too. it was kinda fun, and we got one kid to overcome some serious shyness which made it all worth it.

we needed fifteen paying guests in order to break even, we had almost forty who'd promised to come. of those, only about four or five actually arrived, so instead of fundraising we lost a lot of cash. apparently the choice of location was a mistake; it would have been nice had someone mentioned that BEFORE we proceeded.

#$@%.

it was a fun evening regardless, we used randomly generated scores and everyone had a good time. i disappointed myself by going up with a piece that i hadn't prepared on a microphone we were all struggling with after having had half a beer on top of my exhaustion. i could and should have done better.

a particularly amusing moment: we'd arranged the slam so that every poet would get six minutes to divide between the two rounds however they chose, and the pretentious guy decided to use all six minutes on his first piece. AND HE WENT OVER. so for his turn, our host decided that all the other poets would go up and slam for the 46 seconds he owed us. genius :)

a few of us discussed my choice of a pseudonym, and fisher king was proposed. i initially rejected it, and so they just called me by my surname. that felt strange.

on our way back to gd's to pick up supertongue's gear i asked her why she'd declined to participate in the workshop. it turns out she doesn't take criticism well, and instead of making or ignoring the corrections i'd sent her she'd just given up. that sucked.

we didn't really have time for dinner, i accompanied her to the bus and let her convince me to leave her in the line and take myself to bed. we'd survived a crazy three days and our next mission is finding her a job in montreal so that she can move to a place with a bit of soul.

supertongue montreal introduction - part i

so we didn't get her montreal bagels or smoked meat. and the poutine apparently wasn't all that.

the itinerary:

friday the 13th

x 6.40am pickup
x home, shower, food
x keys for duplication
x underground downtown
x plateau / mont royal record stores
x boxing
x party

saturday

x blood donation
x brunch
- foufounes électriques
x the village

sunday

x atwater market
x old montreal
- parc la fontaine
x mont royal
x tam tams
x l'artère

the details

friday:

i knew it was going to be a rough weekend, but i'm pretty sure it didn't need to start with four hours of painful restlessness; my brain as much to blame as my restless legs.

the cruel, wet friday morning saw me yawning while i waited at the bus station, sitting with everything i needed to be productive except motivation.

introducing supertongue to my place, non-stop debating.

a phone call from revenu québec informing me that my file had been processed, which i already knew because they'd sent me the amount owed.

going to gd's work to pick up her keys, making copies for myself.

trying and failing to walk downtown because a horrible downpour forced us underground.

jugo juice shake fail. supertongue speaks french fluently, apparently the guy working there doesn't.

both exhausted, we headed back to my apartment to rest. and watch 20 years of ufc, so it was only a kind-of rest. it's a must-watch!

i was disappointed to see that instead of the weekend being a shitty day followed by two decent days, it would be two shitty days followed by a decent day. not cool.

i went to gd's apartment - now dubbed "home" - to test my new keys, and passed out on the couch. a nap becomes the deepest slumber when there's a time limit! i woke up still in dream-space, with reality seeming distorted and in a distinctly altered state of mind. so much so that i questioned my own sense of self as i made my way to the metro.

i was upset by my kickboxing coach posting the following:
"how a female dresses is her advertisement. if a female shows half of her body, she's asking to be disrespected."
really? if you think that, you're an asshole. what i really wanted to ask him was if his wearing fighting shorts is his way of asking to be disrespected... unfortunately, i can't say anything without messing with our instructor / student relationship so i have to keep my disrespecting his opinions to myself.

gd was going to join us at the fights, and she'd told me she'd be done in forty five minutes so supertongue and i went to her work to wait for her. forty five minutes turned into ninety minutes, and then gd became impatient with our impatience and it was supposed to be a fun evening. if i had known beforehand we would have gone straight there and asked gd to join us, and she probably would have bailed because until we were almost there she didn't actually realize that we were going to see live fights and not just watch something at a sports bar :S

we struggled to find dinner on the way, experienced taxi drama because the cab we ordered didn't arrive even though his gps signal said we were on the same intersection and eventually arrived after intermission, having missed three of my gym buddies in the ring.

$%!@.

at least there were some good second-half bouts.

saturday:

supertongue and i went to hot sauce, a lesbian party, to introduce her to the scene. the bouncer was a short, dumpy angry girl who tried very hard to keep me out in spite of the fact that i was accompanied by a woman and had paid entrance. the music was eclectic and eardrum-damaging loud, but overall the party was good and we spent a fun hour or two on the dancefloor.

the nightbus was simple enough, we ran a stupid-a.m. poutine mission (i picked up deliciously greasy salt and vinegar fries) and we crashed at my apartment around 4.30am.

...

at 9am i got up half-asleep. i was excited to see the first pieces of work on my comics, then woke supertongue up and we took a long metro ride all the way to radisson. napping well along the way.

jesus, the toilets are badly situated! the designer of the mall should be seated on the sherbrooke end, fed fast-acting laxatives and kicked hard in the shins as he gets up to go.

my first canadian blood donation on behalf of vfmp was friendly and pleasant. and i was so pleased that i didn't pass out! the point of the donation was to be part of an effort to convince the canadian government that screening sexually active male homosexuals is stupid.

there was some awkwardness with supertongue and the guys, but not too much. we headed out before them to meet up at aux vivres, and we'd almost boarded the metro when i realized that i'd left my jacket behind. that was close!

we visited a record store on mont royal that gave me the wanna-buy blues.

aux vivres: the food was delicious as always, supertongue and i went halves on blueberry pancakes and chana "sandwiches". there was decadent overeating, funny chatter and a gorgeous blonde waitress who seemed quite into me; i wanted to wingman for supertongue and see if i couldn't refocus the waitress' attentions but i don't think i have what it takes :P

we went to jean talon market, milled around and then decided to split up and rest because we were both exhausted. i woke up just before gd's station with a start as the metro jolted sharply before stopping, otherwise i might have missed it :P

i didn't exactly rest, but i did end up feeling much better. hummus on top of chana on top of supertongue's mother's amazing home-made hummus seemed like a bad idea, but i only thought that through after eating :(

it took a while to wake supertongue up by phone, and we agreed to meet up at berri-uqam. when i left i realized just how tired i was and worried that my lightheadedness was caused by too much post-donation exercise. it was a gorgeous post-rain dark-blue dusk.

we visited a really cool little live acts pub across the road from the station, then walked around trying to find a cash machine. the village was disappointingly quiet, so that sucked, but we got to see a bit of a great performance that was part of les francofolies. we walked all the way up st laurent, seeing rory macdonald win his fight along the way, and arrived at mont royal quite late. plan b (the bar) really was our plan b.

and that was the end of our night.

*my* night ended with ice cream and chocolate before bed.

sunday:

in spite of sleeping well, i was still buggered. gd and i had a good, late morning while supertongue didn't answer her phone - i was just about to go over and check on her, worrying that she hadn't made it home or something, when she finally responded.

my mom and i had a fight over skype - i think it was over how i'm dealing with my employer's silence over my papers.

i carved up a watermelon but had to abandon it to pick supertongue up from the metro; it was a glorious day, and the spores kind of made it feel like it was snowing. we demolished the watermelon when we got back.

supertongue and i had an argument with gd's friend who'd come over for a haircut, who's an anti-vaxxer. gd kept to the sidelines and although things got pretty heated i think it went okay.

i took supertongue for a walk along the lachine canal and through atwater market before we headed to old montreal, where she decided that she does, in fact, want to move here. it was a great day to visit the old port, and we caught a bit of a science show for kids that was a lot of fun. and made us both feel good about our french :P

[continued...]

on the offensive - part ii

[... continued]

the woman working the metro counter was visibly in need of a verbal pat on the shoulder, the elderly woman ahead of me was driving her crazy. she's either demented or has never been in a metro station before... after i got through, she waddled back towards me from someone who couldn't help her.

"do you know how to get to the casino?" she asked, in french.
"not a clue," i responded. and proceeded to ponder casino ethics. only stupid people gamble, in my opinion. it's just not a past-time that makes any sense to me.

...

the plan had been to see godzilla, but neither gd nor i were up for it. we went to p.m. instead, where i found my stomache to be bigger than my eyes. it's kinda scary how much i ate, especially considering the belly ache after having eaten too much that afternoon.
we finished dinner at yeh! again; the insane crowds and impatience on grand prix saturday night were unsettling. shit, i hadn't even realized it was time for that yet!

i was so absolutely exhausted that i had difficulty maintaining balance, and we went to gd's where i shuffled into bed as soon as i could.

---sunday:

i woke up feeling marginally more human, and would incrementally feel better as my sudden sinusitis slowly went away. i spent the morning trying to repair gd's ubuntu installation and update mine while she gave private haircuts. she doesn't have a sound system in her cutting room so the telly was turned on eardrum-burstingly loud, i didn't even realize how bad it was until it hurt and i grabbed my netbook and ran to the bedroom. it wasn't even a case of turning the sound down: psychologically it was such a brutal experience that it would take a while before i was ready to go back in there :(

i couldn't fix her system - chrome displays in funny colours and flash doesn't work, so i eventually left flash uninstalled and told her to use firefox instead - but i at least sorted out mine. my netbook thought it was in israel and was unsuccessfully trying to update from middle eastern servers.

not that that should have been a problem :/

i did some work on my comic script, gd's brother arrived and we all went shopping. we had a good, cold-salad lunch and relaxed on her balcony for a while, and while she cut his hair i missioned to the pharmacy to pick something up for her. that way we wouldn't be stressed when we went to meet some friends of mine.

or so i thought.

---we were in good spirits as we arrived at berri-uqam, and were on our way out (approaching some police officers) arm in arm when some guy walking in the opposite direction closed in and shouldered gd as he passed. we stopped, shocked, and a few other people behind us stopped and stared as well; i thought he'd misjudged and simply not apologized, which in retrospect would be super weird for a canadian.
gd started saying something angrily, and i told her to let it go... which she did, and *then* told me that he'd actually hurt her.

*then* i was pissed, but by that time he'd disappeared around a corner. i spent the next while beating myself up over the incident and have been brooding on and off since. as we walked out i said to her, without really being convinced myself, that it might have been for the best. as the days have gone by, i've thought longer about the correct response and i can't decide between my first instinct - to run after him, hamstring him and drag him back by his ear to the police - and taking a "wonderfully nice guy" approach and trying to talk to the man.

either way, that shit's never gonna fly with me again.

---we met with my friends and did a serious ice cream and alcohol mission, twice each. at first i wasn't sure that we were all vibing, but an afternoon walking, drinking and sitting on a terrace quickly sorted that out.

weird note: mcauslan's griffon is not a proper griffon. i find that quite jarring.

gd and i came back to my place so i could shower and change, and we ended up having a long talk about the paranormal challenge. you see, she's apparently got a bit of a gift that i haven't mentioned because she's an obvious not-a-loony and she doesn't really talk about it. i'm not dismissive, but i am skeptical; i also believe that regardless of whether she's got second sight or not she's not irresponsible or harming anyone; i'm staying perched on the fence. what i have borne witness to is incredible sensitivity and intuition.
what we were discussing is how to go about setting up a scientifically valid test, if we get anywhere i'll be sure to share it here.
[otherwise, i'm not looking to argue with anyone about it. this is my journal, and i'm not interested in debating gd's powers or lack thereof. i am, however, happy to discuss possible, reasonable scientific methods to test for paranormal abilities and what would be considered a satisfactory demonstration.]

i had her in hysterics when i told her the story of my experience reporting a broken window while high in a charge office, i really need to remember to repeat that here sometime! it's been fifteen years, i guess i don't need to keep those days in the dark any more :P

we went back to her place, she put on hannibal and i sent lengthy criticism to supertongue on a draft of a slam poem of hers.

---monday:

it was a long night of weird dreams. i've heard from ric, who returned to south africa with his tail between his legs, and i'm extremely pleased to report that he's finally found a way to merge his i-was-pushed-into-law-by-my-parents profession with his desire to be a musician: he's created a record label and opened up a law firm specializing in music and the arts. i cannot begin to describe how proud i am of his progress! and how proud i am to have been a part of it.

[continued...]

where gender wars end frisbeer begins part i

last thoughts on the shooting:

our sexual assault problem is nuanced, layered, and not easily solved by a hashtag and this is what most kids learn and the news coverage isn't helping.

---friday:

terms and conditions may apply contains a lot of material i was familiar with already, but some of the things i didn't know were deeply disturbing. anyone who uses internet services or has a smartphone should watch this documentary.

boxing: i felt like a machine during the warmup and shadowboxing. i was thrown another new guy and introduced as our coach's "most experienced boxer" without any sarcasm or joking, and was then partnered with an experienced mma guy for pad work which was a relief. after we finished the class with impact, i informed the coach of my neck news and for the first time he took my health seriously. he told me that i need to stop impact as well, and that from now on i need to stick to pads or bags and that's it.

...

one of the boxers is studying his doctorate at concordia, and he told me about a 70k grant they have. that's... that's pretty good incentive to take a year off to complete my thesis. i should listen to my mother and go speak to them sometime, even if i'm not going to be able to go back to university for another half a year to a year at least.

i hurriedly made and ate a salad, finishing just before vfmp and his boyfriend picked me up to go to chimera. chimera was closing, but they gave us a loyalty card with a free drink on it and now we know when to go back :)
we milled around a bit, eventually arriving at kokkino cafe. not only do they have soy and almond alternatives, they're puzzled by the fact that anyone charges extra for them. the owner was really nice and the coffee was excellent, the atmosphere in general is great and the music was excellent. how did i never walk in there before?!

the guys dropped me off at gd's at the end of the night, just in time for both of us to fall into bed, exhausted.

---saturday:

it was a gorgeous 13 degrees! the weather felt perfect for being outside, and it'd only get warmer. i came home, continued fighting with the internet about #YesAllWomen and eventually gave up. i can't keep fighting with people whose interests i care about for the right to fight for them. it's the same with israeli activists, vegans and feminists. and i was reminded of something i say a lot: i don't want to be a part of any club that won't accept me as i am.

that goes for politics as well as nightclubs, i guess.

right after deciding to quit the argument, bnw got in touch and explained that the reason she hadn't been in touch for a while was trouble at work with sexual harassment. fortunately it's all resolved, but the story itself really upset me and at the same time as i said to her "you should have reported him!" i realized that in her position she really couldn't know if that was the right thing to do or not :(

...

so... "the tam-tams" has become the name of the place the event occurs, and not just the event itself? that was confusing. on my way there i stopped at a coffee shop and asked the guy behind the counter if they had soy or almond milk. he gave me a funny look and explained that he didn't understand me, so i tried again, slowly pronouncing the two words and worrying that the way i say almonds doesn't translate in french (it totally does). he called for help and the other guy understood perfectly. while he was preparing my coffee i looked to the right, where a giant sign proclaimed, in french, soy and almond milk available.

i don't know which of us is dumber.

the problem with walking with a covered drink is that you don't see how it's sloshing, and so over the course of the next fifteen minutes i must have spilled about a third of my coffee on myself, with a nice big splash on my shorts and some ugly drops on my shirt. that only fueled my cursing at each bus that i missed, two of them only because they ran red lights. aarrrrgh!

no matter, the afternoon frisbeer and soccer was absolutely brilliant! we all had a great time, and after a couple of hours i left to go to bnw's with a big grin on my face ^_^

i picked up a quick falafel from la panthère verte while pondering my disengagement from the rape culture / sexism discussion.

my metro timing was excellent, and bnw offered me amazing coffee while we discussed the details of her horrible ordeal and then talked a bit about the comics. then i left, hurrying to gd's so we could go and watch a movie.

it's not clear why they evacuated the de la concorde metro station, but it seemed pretty serious as they had running police, paramedics and firemen and the whole area was shut down for about an hour. during that time it became clear to me just how impossible relying on laval's public transport is... if i *had* taken a bus, i would have arrived at gd's about an hour after i eventually did. that's insane.

bnw had loaned me her copy of the sandman: the dream hunters and i read half of it on the way. what a gorgeous work! i arrived in time for us to scramble to the cinema and be able to seat ourselves just as x-men: days of future past began. it's as wonderful as all the reviews say, we had an awesome time and the only thing that i felt detracted from the film was so slight that it really didn't matter.

---sunday:

i'm glad to see that bikers are protecting maya angelou's funeral. i woke up thinking that everyone should picket wbc funerals, with signs saying things like "god hates people who hate in his name". the only thing i have to add on the topic of maya angelou is this article on her pride in her history. it gives some of her poetry even more of an edge than it has already.

[continued...]

still skew

... although i made it out to aux vivres to meet vfmp, his boyfriend and a friend of theirs. we've been talking about brunch there for months, and the blueberry pancakes truly are brilliant!

now if only i hadn't tripped up the steps at the metro in the middle of a bustling crowd. that was a bit embarrassing :$

...

gd has just discovered that one of her co-workers has been stealing her clients, and it looks like they're dealing with him. her stories really do make me question the locals' integrity - there're so many of them! and that's ignoring all the big stories about corruption etc.

---if our paving becomes a battle between kinetic rubber and solar roadways*, rollerbladers are going to lose out no matter who wins. but everything else will be awesome, so maybe we'd better figure out a way to make all-terrain rollerblades?

* they're most of the way there with a week to go! go on, put some cash in!

10 things that the people who love their lives are doing differently is on point.

here's a wonderful poem about english pronunciation. i learned a thing or two, actually.

holo-lambos??? SIIIIIIICK!!!

flying high

i just received a phone call from the recruiter: i've been made an offer and they've accepted it on my behalf! i'm about to enter private aerospace for the first time, i'm not going to have to leave montreal any time soon, and i'm so excited right now my heart's thumping wildly and i don't know what to do with myself ^_^

i should care about things like compensation and vacation, but i don't. not a whit.

doesn't rain but it

yesterday:

i haven't been to a muay thai class in a while... the cardio was tough. i guess it made up for me not working very hard during the drills, i was partnered with a new kid who's literally a kid (young teen) and has zero training. i got a couple of corrections myself when the instructor came around, but most of the time i was teaching. it's hard to work properly when the person you're working with is as clueless about defending as he is about striking, and he's certainly not tough enough for me to strike at even 10%...

anyway, so the cardio was really tough, and then i took the boxing class afterwards. it's been a long time since i did that, and i felt it. it was a good class, i was feeling pretty pumped by the time it was over.

just as i was finishing my final crunches, the dumbass sat down next to me.
"you're wearing white underpants!"
"what?"
i check.
"i can see them underneath your fighting shorts! you're wearing white underpants!"
okaaaaaaaay then.
"why do you wear those pants your wear anyway?"
"because i like them."
"why don't you wear jeans?"
"because i don't like jeans. they're too tight and they don't have good pockets."
"do you have a girlfriend?"
i looked at him.
"do you have a girlfriend?"
"are you asking me if i'm available?"
"you have a girlfriend. no, you have a wife."
i just sat there, figuratively scratching my head.
"she must be beautiful!"
"umm... thanks, dude."
then he got up and left. he'd been talking really loudly, and i got some commiserating looks and laughter.

---there's something magical about drinking ceres granadilla juice after training. usually cold juice is amazing when you're hot, dehydrating and tired, but this stuff is crazy-good normally...

---i was just saying the other day that supermarket tofu won't cut it, but i tried the medium-firm tofu from my local again and was surprised to find it almost as enjoyable as the stuff i get excited about! the only problem is that it's half the amount of protein per gram as the extra-firm. can't win 'em all, i guess. the salad was delicious, i guess i'll just have to add another protein source.

vfmp came over later and demonstrated his selflessness - *man* that dude has patience! he'd printed out an article and after i showed him the demo exam he read it at the same pace, then slower, sentence by sentence breaking it down until i understood what was going on. damn - being at the "conscious incompetent" level sucks.

---thursday:

i got up early and stayed up, which was fortunate because a recruiter surprised me with an early phone call. after arranging to meet and applying for a couple of jobs using what i think are good cover letters i spent some time trying to figure out if i need to register for the reading / writing sections of the french exam or if listening is enough. the immigration websites can be so annoying sometimes...

i went downtown to get my hair cut, thinking about how perfect the timing is because i had a date tonight as well as an interview tomorrow and another on monday and i didn't want to look shaggy and unkempt. i walked into starbucks for my first coffee and for the first time thought to use their loyalty app. which requires registration, and my phone wasn't connecting to the internet so that didn't happen. i found a quiet corner with a plug and worked on my comics for a bit, finishing with the reworking that it needed before going to the barber.

the barber and i were not communicating. he was much better than the guy i usually get, but he thought i wanted a long fringe. when i realized that he wasn't planning on shortening it my whole system went "HELL, no!", i felt like i was sixteen again and confused about how i wanted to look. i got him to shorten it, not quite as short as i would have liked but in retrospect it came out quite well.
i then had to explain to him that no, i don't want my eyebrows trimmed. ugh...

haircuts... what a drag :/

the cleaning lady arrived soon after i got done trimming my beard and showering, we chatted a bit and then i left her to clean in peace. my second attempt with starbucks' loyalty app was successful, and i found myself a decent seat and really focused for what feels like the first time in a week.

java has anonymous classes? and everything is pointers? well, i'll be damned. mind - blown.
oh, and it's got major known unpatched security flaws, too? i've never liked oracle since i worked for 2+ years on their systems, but this kind of treatment is shocking.

phone interview: the company my army-friend works for and referred me to? the head recruiter called and we had a really interesting chat. a couple of highlights:
1. him telling me, after hearing me out, that he doesn't think i'd be happy with the role they have in mind for me, and me managing to convince him that he's wrong.
2. him asking me what my salary expectations are, and me refusing to play that game, holding my ground until he stopped worrying about offending me and gave me a number... which is only marginally less than i was earning previously and definitely enough to keep me comfortable.

i've passed the first round, and i'm going to be invited for a technical interview soon. awesome!

...

i didn't have time to breathe before the phone rang again, another unidentified caller. this time, a recruiting company i'd sent my resume to well over a year ago. well done, guys!
i was mightily embarrassed because the woman started in super-fast french and i missed one word that i suspected was important, so she switched to english for the remainder. confidence down. i've been invited to a technical interview tomorrow afternoon that'll be in languages and paradigms i haven't touched in a few years... good luck to me!

i was tired, and i'd originally planned to nap before going out but the second call threw that plan out the window. so i didn't rest, and i still found myself running a little late for the date...

... but i arrived on time anyway. yay! after a half an hour trying to relax on the metro and failing. i was tired, but still excited by the day's events...

---the walk from the metro station to aux vivres was magical. the weather, the air was beautiful, crisp but not too cold. the clashing smells and the wildly different people and the buildings and the street art and everything - it was a perfect evening, and i enjoyed every step through it :)

dinner was really, really nice; the food was delicious and we talked a lot and laughed a lot and discussed things that are - as far as i know - inappropriate for first dates, but it seemed like we were both having equal amounts of fun and a good time. i walked her to her bus, and was amused when she rushed off in a similar manner to wednesday leaving me off-balance and smiling.

i've decided i really like her. i hope the feeling's mutual!

---it's late, and my brain's been offline for a while, and i have to get up early and prepare myself for a big day that includes dressing nicely.

huh.

what would jesus do?

it's gonna be weird writing this while i'm feeling so incredibly lonely that i don't actually feeling like sharing with anyone... i'm writing in my journal and exposing it to the world at large. rational behaviour?

---i shaved before i left, which meant a quick shower (i always manage to get little hairs on me, that's one disadvantage of using beard trimmers over blades) during which i wondered about this article on immersion improving cognizance that i read last night: aside from archimedes' discovery, apparently women do their best thinking in the bath. so it kinda makes sense...

it was so cozy on the metro, and i was so relaxed. as if i haven't stopped being relaxed since sunday's yoga lesson, like something really did get aligned properly and an emotional artery unblocked.

it's really cold tonight. absolutely freezing, primarily attributed to a mean wind that's been slapping everyone around since the late afternoon. pulse told me the place was on sherbrooke, google told me rachel. i decided to walk from mont royal station past rachel and on to sherbrooke. first, that's a much longer walk than i'd expected. second, google's definitely wrong. third, i couldn't find it on sherbrooke, either. we were supposed to meet at 8.15pm; i called at 8.20, and then at 8.30 and both times heard it ring until i got through to her answering machine.

how would you feel?
i sent a message with my frozen fingers briefly explaining what i'd been through and ending "... i'm going home. bon appetit!"

i pressed "send" and then realized that that could be construed as majorly passive-aggressive. then i thought about it some more, and figured that it would be appropriate nonetheless. i mean, what the hell? you invite me out to dinner, to a place which apparently isn't so easy to find, without specific directions and without making yourself available?

i feel like i've been made a fool of. whether by pulse or by the universe in general, i don't know. but i'm decidedly upset by this. i feel like shit; for this i skipped boxing? am i the asshole?

i didn't feel like stressing over dinner so i headed to la panthère verte at guy-concordia to sit and somberly eat a falafel. the traditional techina dripping out the bottom of the pita seemed to be mocking me.

i've returned home and i'm feeling sad. i've felt like this before, for sure, but right now i'm feeling it pretty keenly. i have friends and family here but i don't feel like it. i love it here and i've been extremely fortunate and all but i guess tonight's incident has sparked off some latent homesickness, and by home i mean cape town.

...

the only positive in all this was the violinist i walked past. there're a lot of homeless about tonight, but this dude was sitting on a corner in the freezing cold playing beautifully, and i tossed him a doubloon for his troubles and was glad to have been there to do so.

---while writing this i was listening to the radio, with a francophone interviewing an anglophone speaking in french with an atrocious accent. gods, i don't ever want to sound like that :S

québéc vs israel vs me

at the end of 2000, i left south africa and arrived in israel. israel had been doing alright politically, but within a month of my arrival the second intifada broke out and things went crazy. everyone became increasingly paranoid and aggressive and the palestinians i'd been living with were forced to leave their studies and return to their side of the border. the country's been on a downward spiral since.

at the end of 2012, i left israel and arrived in québéc. québéc's been amazing until then, but within a week of my arrival parti québécois came into power and tensions have risen to the point where many people have either left the province or are considering it due to the "language oppression" and, lately, religious and cultural oppression.

i find it interesting that both countries (québéc is a country, for all intents and purposes) are dealing with similar issues: they want to protect their cultural and linguistic identity. israel needs to be a refuge for jews facing persecution, and although it prides itself on being a democratic state its democracy can never be allowed to alter its jewish roots or everything would have been for nothing. québéc needs to be a bastion of french and francophone culture in canada, so it's kinda the same thing albeit not as extreme.

both of these countries have a significant immigrant population. both of these countries speak languages that are out-of-sync with the americanized globalized future we're all hurtling towards.

1) in order to participate in the new global village it's important that everyone can speak decent english.

2) in order to protect one's cultural identity it's important that the spoken and written language are dominant.

the thing is, israel has been wildly successful with regards to language and culture. hebrew went from a "dead" language to a relevant modern one, in spite of its population being largely immigrant. the reason for this is that anyone who immigrates is offered language instruction in a variety of methods and environments, but nobody's forced to speak hebrew and a lot of immigrants can get by just fine with english, russian or arabic. if you're an immigrant, you do what you like and in whatever language you like, nobody will "oppress" you or refuse to engage you because you don't speak the same language.

but your kids? your kids will go to school where the language of instruction is hebrew. between the schools, the internet and entertainment media they will hopefully learn decent english as well, but it's very rare to find people raised in israel, even recent immigrant children who've only been subjected to a year or two of israeli schooling, who don't speak fluent hebrew. and once you speak decent hebrew, you'd be silly not to take advantage of it in that environment.

in québéc, immigrants and non-francophone natives are forced to communicate in french; even though language instruction is available, it's complicated. if you're francophone, your kids go to french school and if you're anglophone, english school. so everyone's kids are isolated and none of them end up bilingual. adults, who have a harder time learning new languages, are harassed, technology companies - or any company that's not entirely local - need to continually deal with frustrating translation issues. tourism becomes a problem, as do all "international" events.

montreal, the only bilingual region in québéc, is not only an incredible mix of cultures but is also the most economically viable.

...

i guess what i'm saying is that being defensive is justified, but being exclusive isn't. they should't divide over language, they should unify with it! this is a magical place filled with wonderful people, there's really no need for language police or racism.

personally, i love both languages and i want to be fluent in french as well.

also, i have very bad luck when it comes to moving.

on parole: sound check - part up

[... continued]

after all that, i still wasn't feeling good but i was definitely getting back in the saddle. i spoke to horseman and bnw, who'd called while i was mentally unfit to talk, and bnw had some fantastic news for me! she's finally feeling settled in her day job, and she's back to sketching. even better news is that her english has improved enough over the past six months that she's willing to *read* my script; which is terrific because i really shouldn't be drawing too much. anyway, we're meeting on the weekend and i'm really excited about that ^_^

---nuit blanche:

i didn't want to miss out on nuit blanche (i wanted to make up for last year's disaster), so i downloaded the guide app and made a list of possible attractions. when i arrived downtown i found myself hungry for the first time all day. the food court i was aiming at was closed, to i took the metro to p.m. and had myself a good dinner. horseman and a buddy of his arrived in the area just as i finished, we met up and walked to the museum of fine art.

the first piece we encountered was astonishing; it was hard to believe it was painted and the effects were as surreal and mind-blowing as the content. we walked through all the open exhibits, some of which were severely dull but some of which were stunning. and a good time was had by all :)

horseman's friend is also into hip-hop, though i'm never quite certain what it means when someone's introduced to me as an mc; regardless, he demonstrated some of his rhymes and they were pretty intense! when i offered a piece in response, however, he was humbled, which left me embarrassed. i think i'm pretty good, and it's certainly very cool and flattering to have fans, but his stuff was good in a very different way and the last thing i wanted was for him to clam up :(

i tried to explain to him that it takes all voices, i hope i got through to him.

---we arrived at the mccord museum for one of the poetry slam events, one of the guys running it was the guy who picked me to judge last month's collective slam. they were running an all-night workshop with recitals every hour, free tickets to the museum exhibits for anyone courageous enough to step up to the mic. i was in need of caffeine and the coffee stand wasn't ready, so we all did a quick second cup run and returned just in time to sign up.

i was nervous, getting up in front of a crowd of strangers. in retrospect, it might have been more appropriate for me to throw the quebec immigration song onto the fire, but i was saving it for next week so i went with advice because i felt it would give a good sense of the possible to the initiates.

i was surprised to be given seniority (first slot after the two organizers), i considered myself unproven as i kinda messed up online dating when the guy had first heard me. my breathing felt constricted and for the entire time my feet were rooted to the floor, but i kept my pace slow and focused and apparently i gave the best performance.

i cannot describe how validating that was! i was actually embarrassed when horseman and his buddy loudly praised me; i won't tell you the appreciation didn't add to my elation, but i did feel it a bit unfair to the others who had almost all done a good job of their first times!

overall, i was really impressed by the event and how much attention it garnered. and i was only there for half an hour. and the opportunity to practice before next week's slam was definitely needed!

---the main events around place des arts were beautiful, but we were all too tired to play. it was snowing and the main dance floor was just as decent as igloofest, there was a whole lot of crazy stuff to see and just a stroll through it all was an experience. the guys split just before we arrived at another slam event location, but it was too late anyway as they'd already closed their doors for the evening. i walked through to a kinetic art exhibit inside place des arts, it was fun but after a quick mill around i decided to call it a night.

a night in which i went from totally buggered to excellent! i got home, posted, and eventually got into bed around 6pm. i don't know what the hell took me so long, but i fell asleep so quickly that i only registered random dreams and waking up.

---i'm addicted to another case solved. there's a review here that i mostly agree with, but i think that they've done a terrific job of using freemium. paying for shit is attractive, but not paying for shit forces you to chill out, to take breaks and to develop different strategies for progressing. for example, i never waste "bought" tools on newspaper cases unless i'm definitely going to solve them, and there are "free" tools and abilities (like a once-per-turn sponge) that help with that. and if i need cash to purchase furniture or tools i will keep doing newspaper cases until i have enough. it's all gravy :)

i was holding a glass this morning and bumped it against a cupboard. it exploded, with shattered fragments littering the floor. i'm really glad my feet have toughened since leaving cape town. i'm going to be very careful when purchasing replacements to make sure that i get heavy glass, this is the second i've had to toss in as many weeks :/

i had a long chat with my mother, then headed to godmother's for coffee. the temperature was -8 but it was really beautiful and the day was lazy, relaxed and unstressed. that's the first time i've felt like that since leaving cape town!

i came home, made lunch and watched a couple more episodes of freaks and geeks. i've finally had a chance to catch up with SxS, which is good because i'm finally armed with useful information about my current status. now i'm going to read. i'm almost done with the first harry potter in french, and a friend has just sent me (and a couple of other people) a copy of his book to read before he submits it to his publisher.

t minus three days

i got up relatively early today, did some career research and sent a mail to pulse's connected friend, then went to pick up my jacket (which had just been cleaned, so it was too damp to wear immediately), find out about our building's parking and purchase tickets for friday night's boxing fights and the muay thai fights that the jolly moroccan is featuring in. i spent the next couple of hours reading before horseman came over, we talked for an hour or two and then i headed to the gym.

---a couple of weeks ago when i rented a car and parked it outside? i'm now familiar with the town of mont royal's by-laws, and i'm bloody lucky that i didn't get a ticket. turns out one needs a special permit to park in the street at night regardless of what the signs say, and during the day, unless otherwise authorized, a car can only remain parked on any street for four hours at a time. they explicitly state that as long as your car doesn't remain on the same block for more than four hours it's okay - that if you move your car back and forth every four hours you can stay all day. wtf?!

anyway, the good news is that obtaining authorization is as simple as calling in the car's details to them, so as soon as i have the car this saturday i'll make a phone call and then relax about parking until noon the following day. awesome. especially as it's "white night" and i probably won't be getting much sleep after i get back to the city ;)

---the muay thai class was taken by a substitute, and it was a really, really good class. by good i mean it was hellishly tough but productive in that we learned and practiced some ridiculously useful knee technique! the rounds really felt like they were going on forever, though, and for those of us who didn't flag or slow down it was a truly hardcore experience. later, when the substitute saw me leaving he commented on my good performance and that felt almost as good as finishing the last round had :)

the only bit that sucked was that i reset from a push kick badly and simultaneously felt and heard one of my toes crack. it's an ice night tonight :(

between classes i sat talking to one of the girls in french. everything was going smoothly until i mispronounced "comics" in a way that sounded like "designed penises"; everybody went into hysterics while i sat there, embarrassed, not understanding at all what was funny about it :$

i was paired up with one of the gym's veteran mma big boys for boxing, and that made for a very good class indeed! we worked well together and impact was just right for both of us :D

---i've added another previously unpublished poem to my memorized collection (that makes eight in total): your first snow. this one's inspired by pg's first snowboarding days and has been idling on my phone until now...

vigorously groggy

shit, i was feeling fine aside from my sinuses and chest, now that i've been medicating (off-the-shelf) they're slightly better but i'm exhausted and half-stoned. come on! s'not right. i'm actually doing nothing but being sick today. that's kinda weird, being employed and taking a sick day.

---friday:

some of the night was peaceful, some unfortunately restless and frustrating. i didn't have far to go to get up for early training, but my chest was still buggered. i worked with vfmp for about an hour and a half on uppercuts, which to my great relief and satisfaction he eventually got, and then he started drilling me on the jiu-jitsu moves he'd shown me the last time. the progress i'm making is *so* slow! and it's such a head game. towards the end we rolled a bit, and were treated to zahabi himself stopping us to give us pointers and make sure that we'd internalized them. that - was - AWESOME ^_^

i got home to face job hunting stress... i had some emails and applications to sort out, and felt so overwhelmed by it that i sat down to watch a bit of comedy and learn some french instead. a bit later i received a call from one of the girls from my french class whose husband had recommended me for a job opening, and after investing an inordinate amount of time re-entering my data* i made a point of applying for a bunch of other jobs there as well.

* why can't all the companies using taleo's hr system let me use the same account? it's such a ridiculous mission filling in the same damned forms with the same damned information every single time :/

...

i have finally registered for the french exam at the end of the month. there's a lot of work to be done. i'm a bit nervous.

...

evening boxing: my chest was much better until the end of the class, and my ankle was mostly fine. i was partnered with army brat, who took her dancing / boxing crossover technique to a new level when she unwittingly shot her right foot into the air for a half-pirouette in the middle of a punch. i was laughing, but tears were actually streaming down her face from the combination of laughter and shame!

my previous assessment about the boxing coach not liking me any more proved wrong. he was giving the beginners in the class a lecture about sparring and when it was over he made it clear that we're cool. i managed to get a smile out of the guy, which undid the inadequacy i was feeling for having disappointed him.

...

everyone who was supposed to come for the house of cards marathon either cancelled at the last minute or arrived late, so i had enough time to shower and eat after getting home late myself.
that show is unbelievably cool and clever. just like downton abbey, it's excellently written and the finesse is greatly appreciated! we got through three episodes and i'm totally into it now.

...

after everyone had left and i was about to get into bed, i received an email from the accountant. the amount of money the israeli tax authority owes me wouldn't even make a dent in the more than NIS 20,000 they're demanding in late fees! this horror show keeps getting worse...

...

if i'm flossing and can taste the hand soap flavour, did i just wash my own mouth out with it?

---saturday:

i read wired's zappotopia article before trying to sleep. privately funding a tech / burning man scene in vegas is really interesting stuff! i turned off the light, and instantly the rls nightmare started. it would be over an hour of suffering before i finally passed out and slept well, and a few hours later i got up to a sore nose and dry hands.

happy days :/

it was a gorgeous morning, my health notwithstanding, and i met army brat and the guy from the week before for light sparring. the guy discovered that there's an all-levels sparring class every saturday morning that's precisely what we need, so now that i've initiated army brat we'll be joining them.

---i didn't leave myself much time to eat and rest before heading out to pick up the rental car. i drove home, prepared my gear, then went to pick up k-twang's friend and go through to mont saint sauveur. relying on google maps on an iphone when driving to saint sauveur for the first time was a big mistake! and the province has a sardonic sense of humour when it comes to highway signage.

driving in quebec in winter: the other drivers are not a problem. the weather conditions were fine. but what the hell, quebec? not only are the signs utterly unhelpful on the rare occasion that they exist, but the road lane markings on the highways are practically invisible at night. wtf?!
aside from getting quite lost on the way there, taking two hours instead of forty five minutes*, the weather was just fine for driving. i'm really not comfortable driving in quebec, i had a couple of embarrassing incidents that would never have happened in cape town because i'd have been more focused on actually driving. the first was going too fast over a speedbump that had been partially covered over with snow, and the second was hurriedly switching from reverse to drive before coming to a complete stop. fortunately neither of those did any damage to the car, but they did make me feel stupid.

* still faster than the bus. but not easier.

anyway.

saint sauveur's late-night skiing special was excellent! the slope conditions weren't fantastic but they were still fun, the dj's they installed at the lift played funky beats and the only thing that wasn't great was that my ankle limited me a bit. it was fine for regular stuff, though it took me a few runs to relax, but the first time i attempted to switch i felt the torque and knew that i really shouldn't try anything demanding.

...

the slopes closed around midnight but we were done by around 11pm. the ride home was uneventful, though it took forever for the windshield to defog, and i got back too late to use the metro. there was a trance party happening downtown that i really wanted to go to and i was feeling up for it, but i didn't want to take the car*, a taxi at that hour was way too expensive and the night buses would have been a mission. i must have deliberated for over half an hour before finally deciding to call it a night.

* i thought that finding parking would be difficult. i've been informed since that that's not the case.


---yesterday:

i don't know what the hell tilt got a parking ticket here for, but before going to bed i walked up and down the street to try to find some sign that didn't suggest that weekends are cool. i finally decided that rather than risk it i'd get up super early and return the car instead.

...

a coughing fit in the middle of the night was so bad that i felt my jaw unhinge. that was ugly and scary.

...

my alarm freaked me out when it went off, but i'd been so deep in my dreams that even after returning from dropping the car off i fell straight back into them.

thought for the morning: being allergic to kleenex would really suck.
[or blow, as moonflake kindly suggested]

---i got up later feeling better but sounding worse, and went to godmother's for a chat over great lentil soup and a delicious bagel. one of the things we talked about was my joining the british airways frequent flyers program, and what a pity it was that i didn't do that before going to cape town. i was bummed that they hadn't kept any of my flight data on their systems... i spoke to my mother who'd kept my boarding pass stubs and was explaining to me how between the one stub i did keep and the luggage tag i should be able to reclaim the miles, and was becoming disheartened when i couldn't find information on the website explaining what to do with them.

but lo! suddenly, as if by magic, a form appeared before me asking me for an e-ticket number. which i located in my email, entered, and suddenly had all my points. so they *do* store previous flight details! i wonder why they wouldn't let me view my history, then?

anyway, i'm rather glad i didn't have to do any more.

---i did laundry, and was inspired by a lone sock someone left on the machine: laundry rhyme.

i went to the pharmacy to pick up cold medicine, quickly ate at subway and did a super-fast shopping run. somehow that took me an hour, which meant that i was late for my date! and then i just missed the metro :(

no matter, i arrived before she did. and it wouldn't have mattered much if i hadn't! i cannot imagine what could possibly make a girl think that using someone else's photo for a profile picture would be a good idea. i promise you it's not something that goes unnoticed. she looks nothing like the picture, which put us on extremely odd footing, and the more we spoke the less i felt that this was the same woman i'd spoken to online. although making the mistake of having a first date with our attention focused elsewhere had concerned me at first, in this case it turned out to be a blessing. she's not unattractive, mind, i'm just blown away by the attempted ruse and simultaneously amused by the fact that there's not going to be a second date and we're probably going to see each other once a month now.

...

my introduction to the throw poetry collective:

"are you going to compete tonight?"
"no, i'm just here to scope out the competition."
"great! you can judge, then."

that's certainly one way to do it! i had a lot of fun. whenever i gave low scores and everyone shouted "higher!" i just wanted to shout back "stop judging me!", but overall i think everyone agreed that the judging was fair. there were some awful attempts, especially the open mic, but there was some great stuff - one of the better poets (in my opinion) happened to be a particularly sexy girl, so there was this perpetual internal debate over whether i was really scoring her performance or if it was just her...

anyway, there were some wonderful surprises. but the guest poet? AMAZING. titilope sonuga projected a stream of beautiful works into my consciousness and left us all in stunned silence. she has a couple of pieces on soundcloud...

i'm very glad that my coughing wasn't too bad. i only needed to cough twice and i managed to suppress it until there was an appropriate moment.

...

i left absolutely inspired. i needed the fix! i'll definitely get up on stage next time :)

---today:

i got home at a reasonable hour to go to bed but felt an urge to play fallout instead. a couple of hours flew by and i thoroughly enjoyed them!

i medicated before going to sleep; i slept well, but woke up with tender, stuffed sinuses. i spent an inordinate amount of time responding to dating messages, played some tekken, and did very little else. i'm off in a bit to vfmp's for dinner and more house of cards.

---love 'em or hate 'em, this month's wired article on monsanto is a must-read. fascinating stuff!

norway's olympic response is awesome.

return to the poutine routine - part iii

[...continued]

berri uqam station was filled with people on their way to igloofest. i was dressed for it, i had my board strapped to my back, and a part of me really wanted to join them! but partying while sore wasn't going to work.

---sunday:

i woke up jet-lag early (why did i not think to use my melatonin tablets?!) to an email from the accountant informing me that it appears that i owe a large sum of money to the tax authority even without the fine for late filing. considering my status as unemployed and trying to keep everything together long enough to get a job offer and pass the french exam, that was quite unsettling :S

he asked for a couple of other documents and i was looking for them when i discovered a digitization of something related that i'd forgotten i'd made before leaving... he responded with an apology for such a bad start to the day and with an update that it now looks like they owe me a sizable sum. that just made my day!!!

i finished watching the first episode of downton abbey, and i now understand why everyone loves it so much. why can't all series hire good writers? the characters are wonderful and the plots satisfyingly subtle. nice!

a guy i went to school with came over to pick up something his mother had asked me to deliver; he told me he didn't have time for coffee or tea, but he apparently did have half an hour to stand with me in the foyer talking uncomfortably loudly. a part of my discomfort concerned bothering my neighbours, and another part his pride in generally being a bit dodgy.

i headed to godmother's to print, sign and scan what i hope is a final piece of the tax authority puzzle (hooray for technology! he says sarcastically), then met up with horseman for subway and starbucks. happily he's keen to speak to me in french, but that really did make things complicated...

on the metro to have drinks and play carcassonne with vfmp's brother (mustwin) who's recovering from an appendectomy, i sat across from a guy who looked familiar. i didn't recognize him even after he told me where i know him from, i was embarrassed... but not as embarrassed as when i exited the car and it all came rushing back to me - we trained a fair amount together, talked quite a bit *and* he's friends with gg :$

i beat mustwin. i was prouder of that than i'm proud to admit :P

i made an inefficient choice when taking the metro to the fight night, but it afforded me an opportunity to help a little old lady with some heavy lifting. i think i managed to hide my limp as i lugged her baggage up the stairs :)

the fight night was great! firstly, i didn't make the mistake of taking a date along so i got to really focus on what was happening in the ring. the guy i sparred with before i left was doing security, he took up a position next to me and so we shared running commentary. the guy i really went to watch, who lost his first fight, came out strong in his second and was deservedly ecstatic when he stepped out victorious. the guy i was sure would get knocked out was knocked down twice in the first round and the referee called a stop to it; he really wasn't ready. certainly not ready enough to be coming in with a nickname like "the hebrew hammer", you have to win a fight before you get cocky, bro...

our coach had accepted a fight last-minute the day before, and it was interesting to finally see him in action. i'll be honest, i kinda expected more but it was a good fight nonetheless and he had a tough opponent. exciting shit happened in the ring, overall it was satisfying.

vfmp made it for the last three fights, afterwards we went to aux vivres for dinner. the conversation went deep into zombie-theory territory, and i wished i'd been recording because he was playing devil's advocate and i couldn't keep track of all the questions that i should definitely answer if i do end up writing a book.

---yesterday:

oh, couch, i love you! i was too tired to shower, i barely had strength to brush my teeth before flopping down fully clothed and waking up feeling like a new man in the morning. i spent the morning figuring out french exams and courses and things, then shopped, ate, and passed out for sleep so deep that i almost didn't make it to the clc french communication mix!

being half asleep combined with the temperature dropping ten degrees in one day (-12 not counting the evil wind) and walking in the shade was very chilly indeed. once inside and "settled", i was cornered by a bunch of strange women asking me questions in french and i cursed my subconscious for adding "sweating profusely" to my discomfort. what a stupid response! :(
once the initial wave had somehow been fought off - my french may be bad and horrifically slow, but it's at least understandable - my system calmed down and i (literally) chilled a bit. after an hour and a half i realized that some of my french is surprisingly decent, some of it shameful. i'll be back at the language center again next week.

i rushed through the freezing cold to get home. the first thing i had to deal with was an email from bell regarding an update to their terms and conditions.

---right after impressing me with their #bellletstalk campaign, they sent out an email with new terms and conditions "as part of [their] ongoing efforts to improve [their] customer experience" to counter the aforementioned show of goodwill:

"To provide the Services, Bell may have to use, reproduce, adapt, transmit, display, publish, perform, distribute and create compilations and derivative works from your content. In accepting the Bell Services, you waive your moral rights, and you authorize Bell to perform these activities in relation to your content anywhere in the world, only to the extent that Bell needed to provide you with Bell Services."

please explain why i should be okay with my internet service provider taking full control of my content? the "only to the extent" seems just a touch ambiguous. i called the number listed on the email as being for inquiries, and after getting through the menu system and being put on hold for ten minutes i was informed that only online chat assistance is qualified to help.

well, shit.

---i went off to the gym, eventually decided to test out my ankle by taking the boxing class. of course this didn't score me any points with the coach... i finally came up with a response to his jibes at the end of the class and i suspect i may have offended him because he got defensive. one of my fellow students made a snide remark to which i responded in a joking fashion, but i now worry that he may not have realized that i was kidding so i'm going to have to apologize to him next time i see him just in case :(

my ankle was hurting but not too badly; after the class i spent an hour or so instructing a girl in our class (army brat) in technique. it intrigued me that while we were working the pads she suddenly shrunk back and said "i'm scared" when i told her how to strike them - i wonder if she was responding to my officer voice?

after training i sat down to my traditional salad dinner and two episodes of downton abbey, then decided to call it a night.

---today:

i slept with french talk radio in the background, and i think that was a good idea. i got up early and was going to buy coffee at the further supermarket before sitting down at starbucks to write these posts, but it was so insanely cold (-23, not counting the wind) that i stopped at the starbucks and decided to worry about the coffee another day. it was so cold that i didn't remove my super-warm sweater the entire time!

i stopped to go to the gym and meet vfmp for boxing instruction: the same thing i'd done with army brat, only he has even more unlearning to do. by the time we left we'd both learned some pretty cool things; i was rather excited because i'd been trying to teaching him what to do with his hips when he throws a hook and suddenly noticed that a cross had been taped on the floor right where we were standing, i figured out that when you throw a hook you're essentially just switching stance but without moving your feet. thank you, taekwondo, thank you :D

vfmp joined me for tea while i ate lunch and we watched total rubbish on youtube (projected on the wall, of course), and i got back to finishing this. horseman's now on his way for some more french immersion, and then i'm going head back to the gym and see how i handle kickboxing. i might not. i'm not planning on doing anything stupid...

---over the course of the past few days, i have finally understood the correct way to eat skittles!
partially crush a few of them until they form a solid mass, then suck. it's stupidly enjoyable and each handful lasts at least five minutes :D

return to the poutine routine - part ii

[... continued]

i wanted to meet up with tpj at the sherlock holmes museum pub, but i'd forgotten that it wasn't on baker street. whoops! so instead we ended up at the beehive drinking stout that wasn't particularly good. it was nice to see him and we had plenty to talk about; it was almost too late when i left for the heathrow.

*and* i didn't know which terminal i needed to be in. i guessed 5 correctly, though, and i made it through security just in time. security was a breeze again! i don't know why they get such a bad rap.

there was a long delay on the ground, but as long as i was on my last flight i really didn't care. after watching world war z, i finally got around to seeing elysium! what a fun film, thoroughly entertaining... but i cannot fathom how anybody who's not south african could possibly enjoy it. i *would* have enjoyed it on the big screen, but i certainly wouldn't have felt it worth the price. maybe i'll watch it again when it comes out on netflix.

i got in a little sleep and some epic dreaming, breezed through the airport and came out on the other side of immigration feeling so ridiculously relieved! godmother had yang pick me up, which was really nice, and i returned to a clean apartment for a much-needed shower; i did some emergency shopping, gobbled down a frozen meal and was so jet-lag exhausted dropped out of consciousness in a heartbeat.

---there's something queer about yang: he was telling me about an upcoming party that he'd previously sent me an invitation to. an open-to-the-public party in a nightclub downtown. the next day i mentioned that i might want to join him and he informed me that he hadn't actually extended an invitation, "not to sound offensive". wtf?!?!

---friday:

in the morning, pg delivered the tax-related documents i needed and i put everything together for the accountant. she also invited me to see pearl jam when they play england - that would be awesome! i wonder if it's in the realm of possibility...

i sent in my resume for a couple of jobs, and spoke to bell regarding some worrying things on my bill. they explained everything and even reversed technically legitimate charges in good faith (they may have been legitimate, but were understandably unfair), i was well impressed :)

i had been planning on going to newk'd girlfriend's community center poetry slam event, but when i realized that i'd gotten the date wrong i agreed with vfmp that jiu-jitsu and boxing followed by glitter sounded like a good plan. let me be clear - the only reason i agreed to watch a movie like that was because every time i'm shocked by his boyfriend not having seen culturally critical films his response is "well, have you seen glitter?!"

i renewed my tristar membership for six months, hoping that i wasn't being too optimistic but satisfied that the difference in cost between three months and six months isn't really significant. i returned home to snack and nap, and unintentionally bit down on an unpopped popcorn kernel: i found the offending tooth! and it's *not* the one the dentist suspected, so good on both of us for not proceeding.

i walked into the gym and into a lecture from the top muay thai instructor who wanted to make sure that i'd been careful with sparring after he'd seen what the beast did to me. my boxing coach was right there, so i flashed him a grin and asked "are you hearing this?"

jiu-jitsu was good, i seem to have gotten a handle on a lot of stuff; the rolling afterwards, though, required all-out power and my partner and i kept stalemating. after him i rolled with vfmp, but by then my arms were exhausted and so after i gave up we practiced some techniques instead.

my return to boxing: i know now that after my christmas tale the coach had excitedly told others how impressed he was with me, but from the moment i stepped into the class we were back to the verbal sparring. it's kind of sweet, kind of annoying. anyway, the class was fun and he left us with so many exercises that the entire class treated it as a group effort. i think i was the only one who failed to complete the 400 sit-ups, push-ups, burpees and squats (100 each). but that's mainly 'cause i wasn't feeling well, jet-lag-wise.

i don't know why i got home so late. i also don't know how i'd managed to score skin irritation on my chest and arm from the jiu-jitsu when i'd been wearing long sleeves; i think i might need to wear a regular training top underneath my long-sleeves. i "hurriedly" showered and went to vfmp's; i write that in quotation marks because my body refused to operate any faster than slow-motion. it was like all of my muscles had turned to jelly, but i was feeling great so i wasn't complaining :)

i *did* need two beers to watch glitter. it wasn't nearly as bad as crossroads, and as far as motivation goes i now have currency with which to purchase vfmp's boyfriend's film-time for movies like the fifth element :)

forgetting that it was friday night, i arrived at the metro at a time that would have been fine on a saturday night... fortunately it wasn't too cold, the twenty minutes waiting for the bus could've been worse.

---saturday:

i slept in, enjoying a slow and mindless morning. i went with godmother for coffee at the mall, after which she had stuff to do and took so long i worried i'd been forgotten and abandoned... she appeared just in time for me to be able to consume a quick lunch and head out for the slopes. i had a bit of a headache, but i really didn't want to miss such a perfect day - i was totally right! the weather was absolutely stunning and the snow conditions were excellent ^_^

...

that awkward moment when, after cringing and asking him to please be a bit more gentle with my board, the bus driver upbraids me for how i've been transporting it and explains why and what to do in the future. turns out he's a snowboarder. win!

(apparently the flat gets preferential care to the edges on bouncy metal surfaces. who knew?)

...

as i got off the bus an old woman with a heavy bag slipped on the ice, and slowly and awkwardly fell, softly (hopefully softly enough) hitting her head on a wall. i quickly dropped my board and helped her up, i hope she was okay...

on my walk to the mountain i couldn't stop thinking that the small voice that thought i should take the day easy is a dickhead - i would have missed the most perfect weather! we had bright sun and soft blues, it was relatively warm, very picturesque and absolutely lovely. i made good use of my couple of hours and my switching is getting quite decent ^_^

---i returned from the final slope feeling so incredibly fortunate and grateful! i was almost sure that nothing was broken, but my right leg was really hurting after the worst wipe-out i've ever had. "the ones that hurt are the ones you don't see coming" appears to apply to snowboarding as well as boxing. that one could easily have hospitalized me: on the final section on my way down there were two people that i decided to go around, but what i didn't see until it was far too late was that they were standing in front of deep moguls made of solid ice. i couldn't slow down in time, and i bounced - probably three or four times - and when i finally came to a stop and had figured out which way was down, i realized that i could easily have snapped my neck. i didn't even notice until i locked up my board that my foot had completely pulled out the binding (explaining why my ankle's screwed), and until later that i'd suffered minor injuries to all my limbs, my lower back and my jaw.

no matter how fortunate i felt, the walk to the bus was an eternal half hour of grimacing and grunting in pain. i spent the twenty minutes waiting for the bus trying to keep things mobile and stretching, worrying about all the bones clicking that i'm sure aren't meant to click. the hour or so on the bus was all about stretching and flexing, and the walk through the stations and then home was agonizing. the intense relief of climbing into a hot bath was unbelievable, and i'm very glad i remembered to ice things for a while before limping into bed.

[continued...]

farewells

since sunday's trip up platteklip, my legs have been as sore or more than my attempt on the elliptical. so i'm feeling like an old man and i'm satisfied with myself simultaneously :P

the "saying goodbye" phase of this visit is both depressing and comforting! my head's spinning with all the last-minute information, such as a job offer and connections i've received which would cushion my fall if i had to leave montreal, the rediscovered family and some exposed familial skeletons that have fallen out the closet; on my way here i was consumed by thoughts of mail-order husbandry, on my way there it'll be by thoughts of french and work and backup plans.

monday:

getting lost in obs treated me to an excellent vegan sandwich and good coffee. protoplasm's workshop is very cool indeed, i know he's not in full swing and profitable yet but it's great to see that he's on his way :)

he completely blew my mind when he informed me that he was recovering from food poisoning - which he'd gotten before the party on saturday! he was horribly sick and had to be so in chemical toilets, but he wouldn't leave or say anything because he didn't want to ruin our fun! that's insane, even if he did manage to enjoy himself and the music in spite of how he was feeling. i will never be more impressed by a designated driver in my life.

neil gaiman's commencement speech which i watched on airplane's insistence - okay, he didn't have to insist too much - is brilliant and funny and validating; he's saying what i've been saying for years but in a much better way and with more authority :)

my mum and i went to say goodbye to my niece and her husband, my sister's husband and kids and the new sisters-in-law, then returned home for dinner with my aunt and uncle puberty. i then headed off to visit an old friend i haven't seen in years, met his wife and glimpsed his daughter before settling in to chat until it felt pretty late.

---yesterday:

i went to the cape quarter early to look for a specific piece of jewelry for shadowslight's mother's birthday, and walked in to a store manned (or womanned) by a girl i went to school with and who claims only recognized me because of facebook. it's funny, she wasn't good-looking at all as a teenager and has become quite attractive; we chatted for a while and then i left to meet my mother for coffee and be introduced to two of her co-workers.

there's something deeply entertaining about hearing my mother referred to as "battle-axe" :D

i filled the car with petrol and returned it, then walked to the comic / game store to spend some time with another old friend before hyperviper picked me up and we went to the wellness center for lunch. i thought we were going to eat together, but he disappeared and i ate alone. the food was really good, anyway, and i ran into a guy i knew from the dance crew who i'd seen on saturday night.

i went to rick's for a couple of drinks with hyperviper, who then drove me back to sea point to have coffee with my brother. i walked hom from there along main road, my mother picked me up and we went to the golf course (metropolitan is gorgeous) for shadowslight's mom's birthday party. i was introduced to a woman who's apparently my first cousin once removed, who was very excited to meet family she likes. i jumped in on a conversation about psychology not knowing that the woman speaking holds a chair in a psychology department; i told her about my zombies thesis and she was so excited she invited me to teach a seminar. hah!

after a great dinner and more alcohol, we went home and my sister picked me up and we went to call-a-pizza. the pizza was delicious and the music was great (though i expected to purchase more than one disc, but whatever), and we talked about a couple of things that really upset me.

1. my niece's new husband did and does things that are deeply disturbing, and unfortunately my niece is so stubborn that nobody can advise her. all we can do is hope for the best, or at least that if she gets hurt that it's not too badly, and support her as much as we can. i really, really hope that our fears aren't realized and that they're happy together.

2. my brother's behaviour has been even worse than i thought.

in other news, my sister's had some interesting paranormal experiences since her mother's passing that are inexplicable, i don't know how much is coincidence and charlatanism or how much is for real, but if it's the former nobody will ever be able to prove it and if it's the latter it would destabilize my world view. fortunately for me i don't need to worry too much about that right now.

protoplasm rocked up and we went to rafiki's for drinks after deciding that heartache & vine wasn't the place to be. amongst the other topics of discussion he proposed a stupidly simple way to get around the infuriatingly silly laws about working for compensation without a permit*, so if things get interesting i might have an option to earn.

* working for entities outside the country, that is

---today:

languishing in bed, enjoying my last proper sleep until i get back to montreal. walking to my niece's mother-in-law's salon for a pedicure after which i barely recognize my feet, they're not so hippie anymore. getting a cheap (R45) haircut at adelphi center (not very professional, but decent enough) and then lunch at xiang yuan (what an insanely dodgy place!). i shaved my beard for the immigration officials, showered and am now about to make a couple of calls and pack my bags.

aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

traveling british

wednesday:

i suffered some packing anxiety but i was efficient nonetheless; it's helpful to make lists and handle purchases before the day. i felt a bit silly trying out fez when i wasn't completely done, but then i received an alert from british airways informing me that my flight was to be delayed by three hours.

WHAT?! what a screw-up! so i was ready to go far too early and my otherwise unstressed time visiting family and friends in london would be pressured.

the metro to bus transfer was (unwittingly) perfectly timed. i was made nervous by a woman in the bus putting in or moving around a contact lens while we were in motion. i arrived at the airport and headed straight to a store to buy a tsa-approved lock. at least the plastic clamshell packaging had a little easy-open flap that even *i* could find.

after checking in - handing in my luggage and printing out the boarding pass i couldn't get on my phone - i tried to change us dollars to british pounds. the guy took my money and showed me a number that was higher than i expected: great! odd, but great. he proceeded to give me that amount in canadian dollars.
"i asked you for british pounds."
"i can't change us dollars for you, i have to change them to canadian dollars first."
i gave him a dark look.
"and you couldn't have told me that before? i *have* canadian dollars."
i told him to give me pounds for the canadian dollars. as he turned to do that i realized that he was succeeding in double-charging me for the conversions. rude bastard!
"hey, stop! just give me my damned us dollars back. i'll change them on the other side."

the only good things about the three hour delay were the free subway dinner and a few hours of contemplation / meditation that i sorely needed. and i wrote online dating while i waited, which i'm quite proud of.

airports:

no security problems anywhere. no serviceable wi-fi anywhere. the prices in johannesburg's domestic departures hall are set for international travellers, and that's really, really uncool for south africans.

mariah carey - all i want for christmas is you played EVERY TIME i walked into a men's bathroom. subliminal messaging?

kids:

1. sitting next to the kid's toys by the gate and talking on the phone is not a good idea. a bunch of them decided to come and play and i had to move across the hall. the smallest kid took a shine to me and the bigger kids were taking care of her, which was cute but made trying to converse on the phone a bit of a mission.

2. on the first flight i was sitting just behind the infants' row, and counted us all fortunate that they were all, for the most part, relaxed on the flight. on the second flight, i was sitting IN the infants' row, and the parents next to me were flying with their child for the first time. they were more worried than i was, though, and we were all very grateful by the end of the flight that the squealing had been minimal. also, my headphones block out a good amount of noise :P

food:

the in-flight food i had was undoubtedly the best i have ever tasted in thirty years of flying! i am totally satisfied that i remembered to order vegan meals. they were all delicious and i wasn't forced to compromise on anything :)

sleep:

from wednesday morning until friday night, i must have slept between two to four hours in total. i entered zombie-mode almost immediately, unable to focus on anything like a movie or a book, uninterested in writing or even in listening to music. i kept trying the latter and giving up. most of the time i just kind of stared miserably while my head lolled.

when i *did* manage to sleep, it was at all the wrong times. i'm very grateful that they kept waking me for my meals, though!

health:

my stomache was killing me from just after the first take-off until i arrived at my cousins' in london. i was up and down to he bathrooms with no results, i don't know what the hell that was all about. my second flight was ruined by restless leg syndrome in spite of my repeated top-ups of tonic water. i was not impressed, no matter how much i got up and stretched my legs remained cramped.

overall experience:

in spite of the last items mentioned, overall the experience was really good. the airport stuff was all smooth in all directions, the planes were relatively spacious and the only things to complain about had nothing to do with anyone but me.

london:

the underground was simple and i was surprised at how familiar everything was when i'd last been there in 2004.

on the picadilly line to cockfosters: that's a name they might want to consider changing. just sayin'.

my family: it was great seeing my cousins! i only had an hour or so with them, and they had some friends over. when their kids brought out bread and food, they pointed at a bowl and told me it was a mushroom spread. cool! i put it on a slice of bread and it was excellent. a short while later someone asked how it was made.
"oh, mushroom, ricotta..."
"there's cheese in there?!"

why would somebody describe mushroom AND RICOTTA as just mushroom? does cheese not count? i commented that i wouldn't have taken it then, and was asked about my dietary choices. everyone was cool with my reply that it's for health reasons and was happy to leave it at that.
except for the family friend, who got an angry look on her face as she asked: "what makes you think that being vegan is healthier?"

"if you'd asked me that a couple of years ago you'd have been absolutely right," i began, and proceeded to inform her about the research that's been done over the past years. that sparked a discussion about supplements, and once that was over we could change topic and everything relaxed again. only... when the family friend left, she did so without saying goodbye to me. hmmm.

travelling from there to leicester square i just missed the right train; fortunately i only made moonflake and zenstar wait about fifteen minutes, and even more fortunately we'd be travelling on the tube together for a while so we actually ended up with a decent amount of time for coffee and catch-up. it's so nice to see them doing well and even nicer to hear that we're all thinking along similar lines long-term! :)

that moment when i remembered that i didn't need to pack my nice jacket: *facepalm*

i didn't have time to meet with tpj, so i called him from the airport and we chatted until boarding time. i need to make the most out of the $45 package i took for the uk...

---"gold-digger" is such an ugly term. i prefer "full-time high-class monogamous prostitute".

---i was glad to find an indian toilet at johannesburg's baggage claim. the other stalls would have been impossible to change in. i don't know how people change clothes on an airplane.

i arrived in cape town exhausted and feeling grim - like i'd been travelling since wednesday. as soon as i got off the plane, though, i could feel the summer holiday feeling and once i'd gotten home and had a shower i was feeling quite human again in spite of myself :)