stories

well. i was on such a high coming back from south africa, but i'm on a total downer now... not the best state to be dating in, i'd better get re-motivated before tomorrow evening :P

my backstop - returning to cape town - seems more unreasonable the further away i physically get from there. the economy is crumbling, crime is perpetually rising but at the same time it's a place i'm happy to be, it's a magical place where people are mostly free even if you do have to work considerably harder in order to enjoy that freedom.

my alternative - returning to israel - would be spiritual suicide but at least i'd have better options. or would i? what's worth my general discomfort with the ever-present war and my subjection to a military state that i feel has betrayed me?

yet here i am, living in montreal, living off a bank account that's an hourglass with the coins slowly dropping down into the base. this country's not interested in me, regardless of the value i can bring; if i learn french then any potential employer would only have to wait two months for me, if i look elsewhere it could be up to six months and in that time i would be unable to leave the country... or work...

i'm standing beside my grave, as i have been for many years, eulogizing. was i the man who got his shit together to change his life and live out his dreams in north america? or was i the loser who returned after a year and a half with his tail between his legs to an angry existence amongst barbarians*? or to a happier, more relaxed world with a potential future to match zimbabwe? i don't want my children to be refugees.

and it's all here. right now. it's me writing my story, but severely limited by resources and bureaucracy that my personal ideology cannot and will not fathom.

* that's not a political statement, i'm not referring to how israelis behave in war. that's one sphere that they're too decent for their own good. which is ironic.

---yesterday:

just before sparring last night i spoke to my toronto cousin who informed me that i need to "pull my finger out my ass"; on the one hand he's kinda right, on the other, well, i'm not in full control of my situation. perhaps i just need to believe i am? anyway, between that and my earlier test failure i wasn't in the greatest of moods when i hit the gym.

the first round of sparring wasn't particularly interesting. the second, though, was very exciting! i was working with the beast, and was in such good control of the ring that i deliberately maneuvered myself onto the ropes in order to test out the new technique i'd learned from badger. and i pulled it off! and she'd just walked in and witnessed it :D

there's nothing quite like the elation of stepping into the ring and getting a new trick right!

in the third round, after watching the dude i was up against sparring at full power and beating the crap out of the guy, i was a little more cautious. and by cautious, i mean scared. which is a terrible thing, because instead of moving in and keeping my eyes focused on his chest, i stepped back and blinked at *just* the wrong time. fortunately for me the right that landed was a setup for the left, because even with no power everything went black, i heard a loud crack from my jaw and felt my feet lift. the sensation of being airborne for a moment before landing in a heap was not a pleasant one. i was so shocked by what had happened that i had to roll out under the bottom rope and it took a while to shake it off.

there's nothing quite like being informed by someone's fist that you're doing something very, very wrong.

i feel really bad for bailing on the guy, and even worse because *he* feels so bad because he thought it was his fault :(
i wasn't hurt, just shocked and embarrassed, and i'm very glad that he's agreed to drill with me during the week because even the ten minutes of practicing facing the beast's punches afterwards couldn't be the same as working with the guy who put me down.

...

i felt stupid for the rest of the evening. stupid, and angry with myself.

---today:

i began the day by hitting the gym without any caffeine (there's pride in that statement!). i stalked there determined to do something about the previous night's situation, but there was nobody to work with so for an hour or so i drilled footwork on the punching bags instead. i even did some weights, which i'd almost regret in the evening when i had to carry heavy shopping home :P

i paid a visit to godmother, who warned me not to let things get me down, after which i headed to the french conversation meetup. there was a crazy wind blowing today, although it wasn't as cold as it's been the past few days, and it's been snowing a lot. on the way downtown i was waiting for the bus when a car drove past and covered a few of us with slush: i was not amused, especially as this was after we'd had to wait for a second bus because the first was full :(

the meetup wasn't bad, though my listening skills... not only was it hard for me, but i kept getting distracted. it's hard to keep focus when you're not getting the full details.

i had a great falafel at la panthère verte, came home, shopped, then sat down in front of downton abbey with chips and chocolate. the series is so ridiculously good! i've just finished the first season, and already i'm disappointed that netflix doesn't have the third yet.

a totalwaste christmas story

it all started a few weeks ago with the beast's backfist. concerned that i had suffered a concussion, i cancelled a sparring session with one of the guys who's training for a fight in january.

after waiting a couple of weeks so as not to compound the injury, i was going to resume sparring but i kept getting injured in different ways. two weeks ago the coach began making fun of me. in the meanwhile, badger and the jolly moroccan worked with me to improve my game, drilling me on all the basics.

as it's my last weekend, i really wanted to make as much use of the facilities as possible. yesterday i went in and met another boxing coach, an old-school 71 year-old rocky-style instructor and after we got to talking he took a shine to me: he gave me some really interesting advice and then cornered me through a sparring session with the kid who always hits too hard. and i did much better than the last time!

after snowboarding today i went to the gym for a final hour. the guy i'd originally stood up was on duty, and he and a few others were preparing to train late with our regular (abusive) coach. after some bag work (hurt my wrist a little, didn't tell anyone) and some shadowboxing to practice yesterday's coach's advice, i waited to spar. eventually i gave up, misunderstanding the coach and thinking that he didn't want me sparring so i took off my wraps and prepared to watch a bit before going home.

but he did want me to spar! so i got warmed up again, bouncing, shadowboxing and popping my shoulders in time to the awesome old-school hip-hop that was playing while observing the first pair sparring. then it was our turn, me and the guy i'd stood up. we put vaseline on our faces (i've now finally had that explained to me), geared up and got in the ring.

first round: it took me half the round to realize that i was facing a southpaw and that the reason he kept cracking me with his left was because i was stepping into it. so much for strategy! as soon as i fixed that everything changed.

i went three rounds with the guy. i demonstrated ring control, and when he did corner me i gave him nothing. i listened to what the coach was saying - to both of us - and adjusted accordingly. i didn't back up, i didn't let up, even though by the third round i could barely lift my arms; i actually spent a large percentage of the time making contact with his head and gut, surprising him with my new-found ability to close distance while striking and finally using jabs and straights defensively. as tired as i was, during the intervals i kept moving in time with the music, which was good for my breathing and my spirit. by the end of the third round, i wasn't the one with the bloodied nose and feeling disorientated.

i don't feel good about those last two, because i really like the guy. but afterwards we spent five minutes together analyzing everything and advising each other, and i think i've helped him with his fight preparation.

but here's the thing: the coach. the coach was stunned. he had the biggest smile on his face, and his pride filled me with pride.

"i take back everything i said about you, man. you proved me wrong tonight."
he repeated that a few times. and each time, it felt like christmas.

chemical balancing

how very odd. i went on two dates this week, both of them with very attractive girls. the first was better looking in a conventional way, the second in an unconventional way, and they were both great fun to spend time with. but while the first girl left me feeling lukewarm, the second has properly captured my imagination - i haven't stopped thinking about her since we parted yesterday afternoon! and the funny thing about that is i don't even have her phone number, we arranged everything using the dating service's messaging system.

was the enthusiasm she showed for a second date for real?

---
tuesday:

i received a tip from my developer who was fired the day after i was and contacted a guy with a very cool start-up that's just received second-round funding. his excitement to learn about me and my experience was audible over the phone, and turned to heavy disappointment when i explained to him that i won't be able to work while waiting for the permit to arrive...

... there really should be some kind of interim permit, you know? just saying.

---a week earlier i'd received a bunch of envelopes from my bank, and after flipping through them i understood that i'd have to send in a consent form before receiving my new credit card. whoops! as i finally sat down to handle that, i noticed that they had actually sent the card! it was just hidden well :P
so i activated the card, absent-mindedly signed the consent form, scratched out my signature on the date column and signed in the correct place, then folded the paper and tried to insert it into the pre-paid envelope i received it with. which was entirely the wrong shape, so i had to perform a complicated little series of folds so i could jam it in. wtf?

---k-twang had met my mother for lunch the day before, and reported that she was looking amazing - mom, if you're reading this, you have no idea how pleased i am to hear this ^_^

---after good french practice, i watched the first season finale of once upon a time..., which was fun. my enthusiasm had been curbed a little by warnings of shitty writing in the season to come... i've now watched a couple of those, and while it's not of the same caliber it's also not so bad either.

i met horseman at la pantere verte, and we left for an open-mic night when a friend of his joined us. cool place (though i don't recall the name), the first set was really groovy music! i find it weird, though it was cool, that all those who performed got up and did so while the musicians were still playing. while the effect was excellent, it made it very hard to concentrate on the actual words... although in one case, after a couple of pieces that one girl did it became clear that this wasn't necessarily a bad thing. her performance was great, to be fair, but not so much the content...

the second set's music felt soulless even though it was the same guys! they were playing a style that didn't suit them, i guess. we left early.

---wednesday:

i went straight to bed, and woke up with horrible night sweats in the middle of the night. it was really unpleasant. it's happened every night since (although i think it's already a little better now that i'm off the antibiotics), it's a yucky feeling and even after showering i just haven't been able to get back to sleep properly. so i've been a little tired of late :(

dream: on the beach, a surprising high tide wipes out our phones. we take shelter, where a coy cute girl makes advances and becomes decidedly less attractive the more affectionate we become.

the morning tristar session with vfmp was good, though it was even tougher breathing than usual. and i managed to hurt my back again: it's becoming normal, i guess at whichever point i "get used to it" my muscles will simply have been strengthened appropriately.

oh! the really sexy kickboxer who i'd seen the week before? the smile she flashed at me as she passed me going into the octagon tells me that she got the message i sent her :) [awkwardness over!]

i had a quick shower before the cleaning lady arrived, then headed downtown for a disappointing lunch that was at least a good opportunity to bone up on bone before the french conversation. takeaway from the afternoon: i need to work harder on my french. i've actually - finally! - started focusing on duolingo, which is amazing if you actually use it, and in addition to the girl i met yesterday pushing my buttons she's francophone and for a lot of the time spoke in french, which is perfect for me :)

i ran some errands and returned to a clean apartment (yay!), rested a bit and played some tekken before going to boxing. the boxing class was good, one of the highlights being body-sparring again with the girl who made me feel shit about doing that, this time not only managing to find my targets in spite of her chest but also coming out on top. i have evolved!

"could you please show me how to dislocate my shoulders to punch?" was not the question i'd meant to ask our instructor, but those were the words that came out anyway.
"what?! why the hell would you want to do that?"
i looked at him sheepishly.
"umm, that's not what i meant - "
"oh, you mean 'pop' your shoulders. alright."
...
"so it's like dancing?"
"exactly."

---after a quick shower i felt that the skin on my chest and back were irritated. just in case anyone forgot that i'm a hypochondriac, and that i'm perpetually worried about picking up ringworm from the gym, i wasn't happy but i couldn't tell if it was anything serious or not.

---i hurriedly ate and left for my date without any protein bars on me - how irresponsible! anyway, i was pleasantly surprised to find that the iranian girl with the dodgy profile picture is beautiful, and time flew while we talked. suddenly it was really late and i was on track to miss the last metro home, so we rushed out, she walked me most of the way to the station and i made it *just* in time.

---thursday:

the night was slightly better, but i was still exhausted and had trouble not sleeping in the dentist's chair. i think he likes me as much as i like him: i'm not sure i'll be going back there again. i hope my teeth are good enough now to last me a while without treatment.

i headed off to mcgill afterwards, with my mouth still anesthetized, to have a chat with the graduate adviser. she seemed nice, but it appears that the university would not be very accommodating regarding my history and i'd essentially have to do their entire master's degree from scratch. not that that would be a terrible thing, mind, but it would be nice to get more than one or two course credits when i've already done more seminars than i'd need.

i can't believe i didn't think to ask them about their phd program! i can't believe that there's a part of me that thinks that that's a serious option.

after a quick lunch i fell into the deepest sleep from which waking up seemed practically impossible. i was woken by a message from my french partner and pretty much sleepwalked downtown. we had a good chat nonetheless, after which i returned for a bit more rest. i sent a nice message to the previous night's date and got a nice one back. i think that's as far as that's going.

jiu-jitsu: i'd spoken to the beast and informed him that i wouldn't be getting back into the ring with him anytime soon, but that doesn't mean i won't partner with him for jiu-jitsu. how he managed to fall on my face during a transition and later knee me (softly, at least) in the head astounded both of us, he was very embarrassed and he eventually made a point of doing all the moves really slowly. after that everything was fine - from his side. from mine, i just couldn't get a handle on things and when firas asked us if anyone had any questions i had so many that there was no way i was going to raise my hand :$

my confidence was blown, and i didn't want to roll afterwards but the kid who usually demotivates me made me feel bad about saying no, so i acquiesced. after a short struggle he had my back, but i managed (somehow) to hip escape and the next thing i knew i was throwing a leg over and had him in full mount! he was almost as surprised as i was, and i suddenly felt much better about myself.

badger was working privately with someone in the octagon and i asked if i could join them for drills; she was only to happy to oblige, and we spent the next hour or so working on counters, stepping with strikes and spinning out. it was AWESOME. and i learned a new punch, the short cross, which is now my favourite :)

when i said goodnight to the kickboxing instructor one of the girls, who's studying to be a yogi, told me she'd figured out which exercises would be best for me for leg flexibility and spent about ten minutes running through them. very cool!

...

the previous night's skin irritation had gotten much worse. i was most unimpressed.

i did plenty of duolingo exercises, then went to bed.

---friday:

the rash was worsening, and i decided that it was time to see a professional. before that, though, the fire alarm went off while i was on the can and that is *not* good timing! it was a false alarm, too, which made it so much worse :(
the only positive thing that came out of that was getting an opportunity to pay january's rent before it gets uncomfortably hurried (or i forget), so my holiday is now pretty much all sorted out :D

i decided to try asking a pharmacist first. i walked all the way there thinking about what i'd say, arrived, and decided that i am far too uncomfortable with that. i couldn't figure out how to approach the subject, and there's not even a vague sense of privacy. so i walked all the way back to the metro and headed to the clinic. i had to wait for ages - as always - and i slept much better sitting in their chairs than i have been in bed. the doctor who saw me was fascinatingly maternal in her care, she was really kind and quite patient too.

so... guess who's developed an allergy to penicillin? that's right!

i am NOT impressed. but at least that explains all the week's discomfort.

...

i was going to have lunch at subway. ordering in french has become a goal of mine, and i'm *almost* ready! at least now i've overheard someone else say "douze pouces" :P
the guy behind the counter didn't hear me say falafel, and took out the bread and cut it before asking again. they were out of falafel. that kinda sucked for both of us.

so instead i messaged aota and newk'd and asked if they'd like to lunch, newk'd wasn't available but aota joined me at the "usual" indian restaurant. it was really good as always :)

on the way back she shouted something at me that made me smile: "stop saying that you were fired! nobody wanted to fire you, if you hadn't forced <the cto>'s hand you'd still be here. you resigned, and you got a decent severance package anyway."

i didn't have a lot of time for anything other than going early to the location of the second date; i hadn't thought to look it up on a map and so i stopped at the jean talon station to do that before switching lines. that turned out to be an excellent idea, because it was a five minute walk from there and not downtown like i'd thought...

the date was great, as i said at the beginning of the post, she's disarmingly charming and when we parted i had a spring in my step.

i returned home and would have been getting ready for boxing if i hadn't suddenly developed an inexplicable headache; i rested for a few hours until vfmp messaged me to invite me to gaming night. my mission: to bring a female green pepper. i included that in my regular shopping, had a quick shower to counter the fact that i was overheating again (what the hell?) and then headed over.

it was a night of ye olde nintendo games, great dinner and carcassonne. vfmp's ultra-competitive brother was really bitter when i coerced vfmp to shut down one of his farmers; he won anyway and it was all supposed to be in good spirits, but he managed to make us feel bad about it :(

lesson for the night: stm's schedules are just fine, it's the damned "transit" app that's screwy! i left too late to make the metro and had to shuffle around in the cold until an unoccupied taxi eventually came my way.

rocked out - part i

right, i'm entirely unmotivated to do anything at the moment. including post. or read. or watch something. it might be related to the headache and exhaustion i've been nursing that may or may not be indications that i received a minor concussion yesterday during sparring.

---monday night:

i finally tried out the stanley parable demo, which is as clever as it is uninteresting to me. it has left me with absolutely no idea what the game is conceptually and so i'm uninterested in spending cash to find out. if it's that hard to present, why not simply make it free and then charge in-game to continue after a certain amount of gameplay?

things got exceptionally meta when my battery died as i approached the "exit the demo" area for the second time, when i plugged in my computer and continued it stop-started for a bit and then locked up. i can't tell if that's a bug or intentional, which i guess sums up the experience quite well.

---it was late enough for me to call my apartment insurance company, but they weren't answering their phones and they don't call back internationally. i sent a desperate email, which got a response about two days later to say that they'd already cancelled the insurance. thanks for letting me know!

now to repeat the experience for my life insurance :(
[oooh! great idea! FML-insurance :) ]

---tuesday:

i was unable to wake up, even for the dentist when i was already in his chair. he explained to me, looking very awkward and uncomfortable the entire time, that the army filling appears to have caused a crack and that any pressure on the connected cusp is transferred to the nerve that's already walled in by (calcium?). he need to bring out the giant model tooth and my x-rays before i kind-of got what he was saying. as a last-ditch effort to avoid root canal surgery, he tried drilling through the cusp to add a buffer filling. i can't say that i understand the logic but he's the dentist, so i gave the okay as i didn't want to uproot the entire nerve.

it only took about two days to be absolutely certain that that didn't work, and now i'm scheduled for the root canal on monday. i'm looking forward to it like... like root canal surgery. i'm now on antibiotics because it's supposed to reduce the nerve inflammation and make the procedure less traumatic, which means that the celebratory weekend (my birthday and sagirl visiting) will not include any drinking :(

and to think that the cause for all this was to correct a minor irritation at not being able to floss properly.

fuck.

---i went home and rested the anesthetic off, spoke to aota (who sounded better than she had on the weekend) and made sure that i'll still be covered for the dental work, then called up yang's contact to verify that he'd received my resume. i got through to his answering machine, and pushed through my discomfort to leave an introductory message. fortunately i received a positive response later on, so that's cool.

i headed downtown for my french chat session, which was good, and then came home to get ready for training. i had time for a quick chat with my mother, who informed me that in the face of his mother's passing my brother's managed to be a complete asshole to his siblings *again*.

*sigh*

---it's SNOWTIME! (said like a mangalore)
properly snowing ^_^

---i was surprised to arrive at the gym to find too many shoes at the entrance, but then i walked in on gsp teaching the class and it turned out i was the only person who didn't know we had a surprise guest instructor coming in. getting personal advice from the dude was way cooler than awkwardly getting out of his way when he's training :P

badger and i were partnered for impact training, which was fun, and we followed that up with excellent sparring drills. i was hurting and tired by the time i got home and i actually needed a cup of tea just to have the energy to make dinner. eating it took forever. during that forever i met a cute girl online and we exchanged numbers, but i think my lack of interest in sms conversations offended her somehow because since saying good night she hasn't answered the phone or responded...

once upon a time's incessantly surprising stories and twists on fairy tales is captivating and wonderful. i'm thoroughly enjoying it!

---wednesday:

i slept really badly, my body was sore and i was overheating. after two nights of that i'm thinking i need to invest in a thinner duvet, last night i struggled with the heat and when i finally got up to crack the window at -10 degrees outside i discovered that it was still open from a few nights before :S

...

waking up in the morning, all three times, was really tough. i trudged through the slush to the gym to meet vfmp to drill jiu-jitsu and sparring, which was pretty good. then i noticed a cute blonde girl sitting on the edge of the octagon, and when we were done - *ahem*, when *i* was done because i couldn't breathe anymore - we walked past and i realized that she was the first girl i sent a message to when i began with online dating! i knew she was into kickboxing, but what are the chances of her training in the same gym as me for the past seven months without our paths crossing?

my gods, she's even sexier in real life. she never responded to that email, though, and i wouldn't dream of harassing her during training. i probably wouldn't have anything to say even if she wasn't.

anyway, i finished my workout with punching bags, weights and the elliptical machine. the last of those is MEAN, man, it's been two days and my legs are still really hurting. i thought i was taking it easy by only doing ten minutes, but i guess ramping up the level to 17 (out of 20) on my first attempt was a bit ambitious.

...

i was soooo tired when i got home, i forced myself to eat lunch and then went back downtown for a good coffee chat. then i went back to the gym.

...

muay thai? i was powered out but we had a good drilling session.
boxing? my body was feeling weak and by the end i was very glad that the beast didn't rock up for our scheduled sparring. i assured the guy i was partnered with that i'd happily spar with him the following evening.

the shower when i got home ended too quickly! i tend to forget that in addition to it being a nice apartment, reasonably priced, close to metro and close to the gym, one of the biggest reasons to put up with the occasional shit is the hot massage-power shower at the end of a cold day of high exertion :)

quick chugging of vitamins, minerals and protein and i hurried out to the pub to meet kgb. i was soooo tired, i love the pub but i had no appetite for the greasy fries i ordered and was surprised when i realized that i'd finished my pint of guinness. it amused me that the one thing that really got my attention was arguing the nature of reality, the technical stuff we'd met to discuss was interesting but kgb didn't have an actual plan, just a super-high-level ideal with nothing to implement and i had to sell my idea because he didn't really get it at first.

i returned home hawking up lung butter and worrying about swollen glands: i don't think it was my glands anymore, i now think it was just very tender muscles :P

i had to do the dishes just to make a protein shake and i was feeling so very lazy. that feeling hasn't gone away yet :P
it was around then that i knew for certain that my tooth was definitely screwed up.

---thursday:

another sweaty night, but better. i got up early and stepped out into a gorgeous, uplifting bright blue and white -9 degrees. i had my first coffee while just listening and trying to understand my study partner's french.

i visited the dentist to make the appointment and was sent off to the pharmacy to begin taking the antibiotics immediately. gods, i hate taking antibiotics and i hate the fact that i've had to take so many courses the last couple of years :(

[continued...]

first french finale - part i

oh, wow. it's sunday night. i should be studying for the end-of-course french exam tomorrow, but i haven't posted since thursday and i have shit to get off my chest.

---thursday:

at 2.30am i finally sent in my homework assignment. in spite of that i woke up feeling good. i totally zoned out on the metro. we began the french lesson with a great guided conversation. my french partner was very confused and went to the coffee shop to meet me twice even though i'd told him three separate times that we weren't going to meet that day.

---yang got a contact for me to send my resume to, but something particularly stupid that he said really bothered me and triggered interview anxiety: that was when i realized that the rage that i didn't feel when i was fired was simply suppressed. this makes the specialist's suggestion that my laboured breathing might be psychological even more plausible as it's the same kind of laboured breathing that i remember from my mini-anxiety attacks in 2010. if that's the case, it's a completely unintelligible message from my body :(

one of the things that's been really bothering me is that i haven't been able to accept that people like megaman exist. afterwards, when i spoke to my mother she suggested narcissistic personality disorder and "these qualities are usually defenses against a deep feeling of inferiority and of being unloved" does a good job of settling the issue for me. when i spoke to aota this afternoon i learned that his inadequacies have been thoroughly exposed since i left, and that darn has become an office joke to boot.

told you so.

---i hit the health store near vendome. i learned that the vega antibiotic scare really isn't anything to be concerned about and that clif builder max is not available for canadians :( (the assistant was more disappointed to find that out that i was)

the beast had left me a long voicemail message to remind me to go spar, and i was sorry to arrive with only twenty minutes of his session left on the clock. apparently this was fine by him, but the coach got an emergency phone call and the beast had to take him to the hospital so i worked a bit on the bags, did some weights and went home.

kgb called me up and asked me if i was familiar with the leap. i admitted that i own one and haven't taken it out of the box... he proceeded to pitch an idea so remarkably similar to mine that we're gonna meet up on wednesday and figure out how to proceed :D

i passed out, and as usual half-woke to my alarm with no energy to go to the gym. i forced myself up, chugged an energy drink and would have been horrified if i'd missed such an important session! (erm, and knew what i'd missed, of course)

although i walked in to the kickboxing class with a suddenly sore back - i don't know what the hell caused it, and it's still bugging me - i not only had a great class, but when entering the octagon afterwards to spar with the beast it was with badger sitting in a corner and coaching us. me, mostly. the beast was only too happy to oblige and our kickboxing instructor came out from the beginner's class every once in a while to observe and throw comments.

it was an extremely humbling experience, but i pushed through and i learned a lot. i walked out of the ring feeling uplifted.

i did dinner math and headed downtown for a tofu meal to precede the spaghetti i was going to prepare when i returned home. after the meal, though, i was totally stuffed and everything slowed down while my body dealt with the excess of deliciousness that i'd consumed. it was all i could do to get home and fall into bed.

---friday:

i sent off my resume to yang's contact (why does that take so long each time?) and left for class without having done the homework. i was in a dark mood because my back was hurting me, the weather was raining miserably and i was deep into tool - triad when suddenly a man on the pavement stepped into my path, forcing me to stop. i gave him a dark look and he began to speak to me; i was dimly aware that his comrade was standing on the edge of my blind-spot and my defenses shot up in spite of this being canada. it was just a homeless guy trying to bum change, but either way i was already so fired up that it took all my energy just to speak relatively politely as i forced him (with my body language) to step aside so that i could continue.

it was in that mood that i received news that my older siblings' mother had passed away that morning.
*rubs temples*
i shouldn't be proud of myself that i remembered to send my brother condolences even though our relationship is up to shit, but i am. i think that speaks volumes.

---my french must be improving, i'm unwittingly mixing in hebrew. the look of incomprehension on the teacher's face was priceless :P

i went for a quick haircut and then hit the chinese place again for lunch. it's the first time i've seen their lunch menu and i was excited to get corn soup with my veggie plate. i love corn soup!

my fortune cookie told me "you will soon get a promotion". uh, huh.

my back was feeling slightly better and i headed to walmart to pick up laces (for my mr. price '99 specials) and a new laundry basket. one of the workers in the shoe section made a two-foot throw of something into a trash can and his co-worker sarcastically told him how amazed she was... i walked up having overheard and said "hey, man, i saw it from over there and it was really impressive!"
i can't tell if he appreciated my joke or if he was offended :P

i left walmart in an evil mood. i stalked home and watched some of ufc 145: the schaub vs rothwell fight. each replay of schaub vs the invisible fighter was more disturbing than the last.

---ugh. it's bad enough forgetting to air out my wraps every once in a while, but two days in a row?? this time i didn't have any other laundry to do... what made matters worse is my backup "adult sized" everlast wraps are too damned short. i have learned an important lesson about bringing cash to the gym...

there was a sense of the weekend in the gym on friday afternoon, and i was actually sorry i had plans for saturday night because the boxing instructor finally saw fit to invite me to watch fights with him and his crew... i was so proud when he was so pleased to see me sparring!

my first two rounds were against a really tall brazilian guy who taught me what it feels like to get hit at that perfect spot on the jaw so that your mouthguard pops out - i managed to catch it with my teeth and suck it back in, but i was quite shocked that it had happened and surprised that it didn't actually hurt!

the third round was against a southpaw who was so much better than me that he toyed with me the entire time. i did land a couple of punches, but i took so many that i one point i almost jumped out of the ring in frustration. the fourth was against one of the guys i'm friendly with and i was surprised when he connected with a fairly powerful (for him) shot. i remembered what badger had said the day before about respect, that whether you want to or not you need to increase your power if you want your opponent to chill out or he'll disrespect you. even though i was worried that things would escalate, i hit him harder and he did back down.

people, man. people.

...

the boxing class afterwards was fun and tough. a couple of us had a long debate about ufc scoring, and i feel pretty strongly that if a ufc fight goes the distance then it should be counted as a draw. points don't mean a damned thing! if it was real life, one of the combatants would at some point have to call it quits: "hey, dude, we'll have to continue this another time - i have better shit to do". to count points is to completely devalue a fighter's ability to take a beating and make a comeback.

---i hurried made pasta - perfectly! - and wolfed it down before heading to vfmp's for carcassonne. we repeated the previous debate about draws and i discovered the angry nerd in me when we talked about iron man 3.

[continued...]

shaky cam to ice and snow

i went to bed late over bullshit*, and was so tired that my eyes produced a shaky-cam effect that was most disturbing. i slept well in spite of long, busy, epic dreams involving being in the army and for some reason stationed in a hotel.

* and sweet and spicy crunchy almonds. continuing to look at rubbish online was actually an excuse to keep eating them.

...

i woke up pre-alarm and i wasn't feeling too sleepy. i arrived on time for the metro but it was delayed by about fifteen minutes - in addition to the discomfort of the intense crush of people all the way across the city i was also rendered late :(

i felt fine and was doing pretty well until about halfway through when my brain decided it was time to return to dreamland. i spent the following hour and a half fighting it (mostly unsuccessfully) with my mind decidedly not with the program and my eyelids feeling like ten pound weights. perhaps it was the lack of oxygen in the room? i did feel better when i stepped outside and breathed some frozen air.

i'm not sure how i feel about lunch, i was excited to find couscous and salads in the berri-uqam food hall but it was kind of... not amazing. and then my stomache started complaining :(
i passed out on the metro, almost missing my stop. i was upset when i arrived at the clinic to discover that i'd been told that i had an appointment when there are no such things as appointments. i would have to wait another hour to see the specialist, which i spent in and out of consciousness in the waiting room. i was groggy when i finally went in for the consultation. apparently i seem fine, he seems extremely competent and i was upset when he got defensive because i think he mistook my frustration with my inability to communicate my symptoms clearly as frustration with him :(

anyway, he's sent me off to see a couple of even more special specialists and parted with a suggestion that it's possible that my issues are caused by emotional stress. i really like that man, i hope he's right and i'm going to be giving a lot of thought to that.

i returned home and lay down on the couch for some of that dead sleep that was almost impossible to wake from and aside from getting up at one point to open the damned balcony door because the heating had gotten unbearable i kept snoozing through my alarm until i really had to make a decision about going to gym. i was exhausted but i knew that i would regret not going...

i'm horrified to think of what i wouldn't have known i'd missed if i hadn't chugged an energy drink and headed out! instead of joining the jiu-jitsu class i went to advanced kickboxing and did a good job in spite of my breathing, and afterwards a few of us took over the octagon for some jiu-jitsu exercises and then sparring. i worked with the demotivator again but this time had a coach on the side and i learned a hell of a lot!
on a different note, the beast was in class and he let me know that i'd completely forgotten about our arrangement to meet for sparring with tristar's most respected muay thai coach on thursday! he was cool about it but i felt really bad :$

so after watching the end of ufc 156 i found the art of flight on netflix, and i watched that with an icepack on my leg until i realized that i've run out of night again :( [the snowboard documentary is breathtaking]

the cure

my method for dealing with a headache? a shot of coffee and muay thai. i still have the headache, but i certainly feel better about it :) [except for the sore leg... that just keeps getting worse. always a slightly different part of it, too. this time it's the shin bone itself.]

as one of the guys said, even historical warriors were more civilized than we are - they didn't train to fight every day. did they? hmmm. too lazy to google it.

---tuesday:

my *niece* is thirty! omg. in my head she's still a kid and up to no good :P

early morning exercise: the baudry station escalators are a magnificent engineering showcase that demonstrates how something that's supposed to make your life easier can actually be hard on the body. they're flat instead of steps and the angle ensures that you're either standing putting pressure on your ankles or walking up / downhill. that's if they're operational, but they've been off for two days now.

after a good french lesson i realized that i wouldn't have enough time to get to the afternoon jiu-jitsu class. instead i ate lunch and watched some ufc fights. i took the opportunity to get my glove repaired.

---based on a yelp recommendation, i stepped inside and handed them my torn boxing glove.
"is this a rush job?"
"that depends on what's possible"
"i can have it ready by thursday evening..."
"oh... when can i bring it that it'll remain with you for the shortest time possible?"
"it's going to take the same amount of time whenever you bring it."
"oh."

my face fell.

"how long can you be without it?"
"i use it every day."
"alright - come back in an hour and a half. is that good?"

that's brilliant!!! they did a great job and it cost me all of $10 ^_^

---the area around jarry station is quite lame. i took a long (and picturesque) walk to find a coffee shop and eventually gave up and sat down in a diner. it wasn't a bad experience, though the bottomless coffee would have been nicer if i'd been given an option to not refill and the plate of average fries less than two hours before kickboxing was NOT a good idea. i tasted those fries for most of the class :(

i thought that meeting one of my fellow students on the metro to trade notes wasn't too crazy considering the time constraint, but i'm glad she declined as the idea was totally stupid during rush hour. there wasn't much space to sit, stand or even breath.

i rushed into walmart on the way home to pick up a small speaker for my laptop; i was fast, but the minutes sped by faster than i figured and i ended up a bit late. no matter.

---my boxing and kickboxing instructors have spent the past six months telling me that i need to relax. they're totally right. as i'm eligible for one of the last custom tristar shirts even to be ordered i was considering putting a nickname on it and i thought that "tension" was a good mix of "cool" and self-deprecating in-joke. when the instructor told me once again to relax i told him what i was thinking, and he laughed and came up with a better one: "the stiff".

the guy ordering the shirt laughed, but suggested i stick with just my name :P

...

the beast went to train in vegas for a while and had just returned so we spent a satisfying hour and a half really pushing each other.

afterwards the guy who usually demoralizes me while sparring - he did that again, i feel like i've taken a couple of steps backward - and i were asked to stay behind for the beginners' class to help out by training them to check kicks. it was a lot of fun (and good for us, too) but i took a lot of hard knees to my feet and shins and i only realized afterwards that i'd been a giant doofus. i should have worked low kicks only because they're beginners.

*sigh*

---it didn't help that i forgot to apply frozen peas. my mood when going to bed wasn't improved by my need for a humidifier and the fact that mine's only kind of working.

---wednesday:

in lieu of icing my leg last night when i had time, i did so in the morning for about half an hour while playing tekken. which turned out to be not-so-smart because "just one more fight" went on ten minutes too long. it's hard to turn off when you're winning in survival mode.

my heart jumped when i checked the weather and saw that sunday it might snow. please snow!!!

the baudry escalator fast-walk left me breathless. i walked in to the class breathing heavily; the girl who i thought was responsible for the yeast infection smell wasn't in and it was worse than ever... but now i think i know who it is for sure. is there a tactful way to let a girl know that she needs to take care of that? i mean, more obvious than covering my face as much as possible and keeping my nose in my coffee mug?

my french for the day: "j'ai raison avoir peur de parler en francais". after basic greetings the shopkeeper asked "c'est tout?" and i thought "i can handle this!". i responded in the affirmative and what followed was a barrage of french that left me lost. turned out she'd noted that i was purchasing the same item as the day before and wanted to let me know there was a special on clif builder bars.

the girl i was going to trade notes with? turns out she's an illustrator. and she's obsessed with mythology. hah! we'll meet on friday and see if she's willing to do some of the intro material :)

---i'm struggling with the idea of relocating. i'm learning french so that i don't have to and i think that in the short term it's smarter and easier to be in montreal, but everyone's continuing to make a big noise about the political situation with such a racist party in charge and every time i get an offer from outside the province it pushes me a little even though the industry i'm looking to get into long term is here.

---newk'd sent me some info and we now have tickets for poetry slam finals on the weekend. awesome!

the cleaning lady was here and i went out for lunch, but i was too tired even for starbucks so i returned to crash on the couch. we ended up having a long chat before she finished up and left and then i passed out for a while. i met with a rep for bestia fighting gear at the gym but the shorts she brought me to try didn't have slits (the muay thai instructor told me i could have just cut them myself - for forty bucks?! yeah, right.), and i was kind of relying on them for training so i had to impulse buy another pair. fortunately the gym had a sale on under armour which were decent and considerably cheaper...

class was great even if i did get hurt, wire and i partnered up and the drills took on an element of conditioning. it's always nice to get advice you know is good.

i wasn't up for another class so i did some weights instead, then called it a night. i used ufc - bad blood as an excuse to ice my leg for a long time, and now that i've written this i reckon it's a great time to do my homework assignment and get into bed.

---either my standards are dropping or everyone on facebook is posting really insightful and interesting things. i think i lost an hour. one of the better time losses was watching a friend of mine performing on "the voice". he's been sending links to the videos for ages but they weren't accessible outside of israel until now. i won't say which friend because i assigned him one of the more embarrassing nicknames ;)

on that list is a cover of a britney spears song; it's a good performance but as i told him, there's an issue i have with that. it's the principle of the thing!

gir's in the house!

how is this possible?! how can it be half past midnight as i write this? online dating websites take an inordinate amount of time, as does preparing food and getting started with awesome crossover fanfic. it involves gir, that's all i'm saying :)

---today began with a much better wake-up than yesterday. i was still tense from yesterday, but aside from an unprofessional slip or two i managed to keep my feelings in check. even when i was being shouted at by an irate cto who berated me for not using functionality that nobody told me about and that hasn't been implemented yet.
it didn't ease my mind to learn that we're in artificial overdrive / crunch mode because megaman and darn have realized that their planning was unrealistic. i have training and scrapper to attend to, i told them i'd do every second day.

it was one of those days. i couldn't make a move without someone either waiting for me or popping up with an emergency, so of the list of things that i had to do in the morning i achieved absolutely nothing all day.

the only positive things that happened at work were
1) getting over the unpleasantries with the cto and having a productive meeting after he realized who was at fault
2) receiving my custom gir iphone case

i was supposed to meet with bnw this evening but she caught something at the convention: i had to choose between using that time for work or running off to training because after yesterday i'd rather do tuesdays and thursdays if i have to choose. sod that, i thought, and made a hasty exit.

i rushed out, then suddenly remembered throwing my life-proof case out with the cardboard box the new case came in. i rushed back to find the recycling bin empty, and was all "oh, shit!" until i hurried off and stuck my hand in my pocket. then i was all "no, shit!"
i've been doing things like that for the last while. it's not cool.

---i returned home to find that scrapper had managed to sort out the keys. awesome! and now we know why the building demands such a high deposit, the damn things actually cost $25 (O_o)

it was a super make-up-for-yesterday kickboxing session, i worked exceptionally hard and sorted myself out a bit. i worked with a boxing kid who calls himself prince, who was gassed out by the time i was finished drilling him. it was his turn next and he decided i deserved to feel the same; he completely exaggerated but i refused to give in, i took inspiration from the beast and went absolutely beserk. it took me more than five minutes after the class ended to get my breath back! the beast and prince invited me to join them on the punching bags, and i spent half the time kicking and the other half fixing prince's kicks.

overall, i feel good about my earlier decision to abandon ship.

scrapper and i had planned to meet up for dinner on the plateau, but he called to say he needed some time alone. after briefly chatting with my mom, i went online and the night disappeared.

scrapper's back, it sounds like he had a productive time. i'm now ready to go to bed, all is okay with the world. for now, and that's all anyone ever has :)

ripped and bearded

two things noticeably ripped today: me and my mr. price '99 specials. the latter on a desk drawer as i got up, i'm really unhappy about it. the former i might be exaggerating somewhat but i'm definitely feeling strong, solid and muscle-y.

on a style note, i've been under pressure and lazy this week and i'm sporting a light beard again. i'm trying to decide if i should keep it or not.

---i started the day by confronting the poor building secretary with my laundry issues. apparently the whole reason for the closing hours is for security and that it's security from whoever's tampering with the machines. it's 2013, FFS, i told her that security cameras are super cheap to install and their closing hours obviously aren't making a difference anyway. i hope she'll pass along my complaints as she promised.

on the one hand, dealing with shit like this is why it's easier to own one's own condo, but on the other i've now heard things about the hidden costs of ownership that make me wonder if it's truly a good investment in montreal...

---before leaving for work i checked my email and was disturbed to find a message from megaman informing me that an urgent case i opened yesterday was about to be delivered into the dark clutches of our backlog. i couldn't understand what wasn't clear about its relevance until i read over what i'd written and realized that i'd taken a pre-approval email and copied and pasted it, and without context it had ceased to be the explicit task i'd had in mind at the time.

it's been that kind of a week.

dealing with that made me late for work... nobody cared, though.

---jira fail: a predecessor had custom-defined a resolution called "unresolved", which atlassian specifically advises not doing. rescue seemed really complicated and unpleasant from the few sources i found online and i was super-proud of myself for finding a sneakier, simpler way to handle it ^_^
[if you've read this far you probably care, all that was needed to untangle things was to rename the custom resolution. i don't know why nobody else thought of that]

i caught cls struggling with a method i'd asked him to implement, and we got to play on the whiteboard for half an hour until we figured out how to handle it. it's the most complex issue i've worked on in ages, and it was a lot of fun!

during the past week i've asked dang for the task list for the current project a number of times and today he finally sent it. once i'd looked at the wireframe, i realized that i've actually been assigned a huge task requiring skills i haven't exercised since last october. hah! i spent an hour or so visualizing use cases and designing the underlying data structures, all the while trying to figure out how i'm going to handle my regular responsibilities in addition to actually developing software. i'm only half-complaining ;)

i was already in a hurry when the ceo called me in for a personal chat; he wanted my opinion on where we stand and how i feel about things, but he also wanted to discuss the secret project i was introduced to yesterday. the evangelist in me came out. i explained to him that he shouldn't even think about what we could do with it until i've had a chance to study it and figure out what it really is: he appreciated it when i told him that while our current plan would be served by it, it could produce a whole other business and anything he learns about it now will only serve to pigeonhole what might be capable of breaking the box.

i hope i'm right about all this.

---i arrived a bit late for training, and there was only one guy kickboxing so i joined him for the warmup as we'd be sparring. but then the slow guy showed up a few minutes later and we certainly wouldn't be sparring with him around, so i changed shirts again and hit the bjj mats. the kid instructing us put me with two real beginners so that i could help him out; amidst all the advising i did actually learn a thing or two.

a cute girl from the bjj joined the advanced kickboxing class (there's a half-hour with no overlap) and threw the numbers out, so i volunteered to do impact with her. she wasn't hitting me very hard so the instructor came over to demonstrate... until now, that's meant knocking me out. while he did wind me with one of his liver shots, i was totally stoked to find that i've toughened up enough over the last couple of months that i can now take his soft punches. i'm pretty sure i'm not ready for his real ones yet, but it's a big improvement nonetheless :)

the beginner's class was good, i worked with the beast and after the way he finished his ten straight minutes of power kicks i felt ashamed with what i'd done with mine. he was visibly wiped out and then suddenly went into beserker mode, each kick harder than the last and i was so taken by surprise he almost broke through the thai pads into my face!

that shit was inspiring.

i got home to a very slow evening. i called bnw to plan our next meetup, and finally got a working version of a prototype for horseman delivered. i've been listening to all sorts of music (finally adding linkin park - hybrid theory to my earlier purchase of godsmack - good times, bad times) and i really don't understand how it's now 1.30am already O_o

my salads are perpetually improving; it's funny how washing and chopping leaves bothers me but chopping the green beans and broccoli from the microwave stir-fry doesn't.

anyway, scrapper's returning in six hours. gotta crash.

---(slowly) rebuilding my music collection on itunes gives me some startling insights into what i truly value and what i merely enjoy listening to. one of those insights is that nostalgia plays an enormous role in deciding whether something will make the cut. case in point: foo fighters. i love a lot of their stuff, but for me nothing beats their foo fighters album (1995), which was how i discovered them.

and that i'd rather buy an album that individual songs. i think that points to me being a bit cheap.