the resting restless

 am i okay? i did sleep easier after my previous post. i still got up pretty early, though. i started my day on the balcony, doing a bunch of random things* before getting to work on the auto-doc and its write-up.

* including resetting the theme of the sonnetcomix website, which has been bothering me for a while.

i managed to make a fair amount of progress before we left for the shuk. it felt like a long bus ride, we enjoyed a pleasant walk down the now completed king george street, we walked through nahalat binyamin, then back to the shuk, and i immediately split from gd and my sister gathering groceries and took mr smear for a (very expensive) fruit juice and to stand in a spot of shade away from the crowds.

today was hot.

we met up with the girls, took a short walk and said goodbye to my sister, then the three of us went to find a bus home.

apparently i was the only able-bodied person on the bus willing to stand up for a pregnant woman. it's kind of distressing.

aside from a very pleasant nap on the couch in the air-conditioning, and later going with my sister and mr smear for a last-minute shopping round, i've spent my afternoon and evening playing games (balatro and slay the spire 2), and watching youtube videos, and just generally quieting the noise in my brain as much as possible.

i've just scolded mr smear for having ignored his screen-time alarm (as usual) and sent him to shower, and i think i'm going to just continue to be "off".

side quests

 i have got practically nothing done today! i accompanied my sister to her meeting with her friends, then returned home via the hardware store (for bird repellant), meeting up with gd and mr smear and doing a friday morning shopping run, which really is one of my least favorite things. it's been hot, i missed my second coffee, and i arrived home slow and tired and quite hungry. i helped gd make challah-peño to take with us tonight, started the process of locating the PSVR components because mr smear has been harassing me for a couple of days now to set it up.

then we left for the shuk, to meet up with my sister, and went up and down the market... mr smear and i feel very similarly about mall people, and shuk people are even worse. he held my hand and walked in lock-step behind me, and we came out relatively unscathed.

relatively, because our visit to the shuk began with him being pooped on by a bird 🙄

getting the bus home took more walking and time that anticipated, and i filed a complaint against the bus driver who almost injured us with his aggressive driving, but we came inside in good spirits and launched into uprising at full blast. then i set up my IDE to work with openai's codex, after which i spent the next while wiring up the PSVR.

and realizing that i, once again, had booked a car for no good reason and it was too late to cancel it without paying the full amount :(

i managed to get the PSVR set up, and mr smear got to play battlezone, and i called sailor for an hour long argument over what kind of "market research" is valid when you're trying to make a video game.

now it's evening, and we're getting ready to leave in an hour for dinner with our cousins.

not broken, well-fed

 i feel like i'm just about to fall apart.

this morning began with me getting out of bed a bit late, reading more of watchmen, making a bit of progress in a new side project before heading off to work.

work was mostly about migrating to claude - i'm still experiencing a lot of weirdness - and then we stopped for a small lunch (a tiny, oddly nice onion and raisin bagel) in preparation for the group outing, and then before i had a chance to grab a coffee and do something productive i received a phone call from the school: mr smear, in tears, believing that his arm might be broken.

i rushed out to make my way there - i tried to catch a cab, but the guy who accepted my fare was still busy with another one - and the fastest way to go was to walk quite a ways and jump on a bus. in retrospect, there was a better light rail option, but i was rushed 🤷‍♂️

in a nutshell: my son has decided that he's a claustrophile, so during a free class he decided to stand behind the classroom door. one of the kids in the class - one who's been quite aggressive and mildly violent with him all year - saw him and smashed the door into him. apparently the kid didn't expect to cause as much harm as he did, according to mr smear he seemed sincerely remorseful and apologized profusely.

i arrived to find him seemingly alright, although when we did get a chance to stop moving at the light rail, his arm did look a bit bent. off we went to the clinic to show his doctor, which was a walk, and she was very impressed with his newfound ability to communicate what happened in hebrew (although i had to reign him in a little). she gave us urgent referrals for imaging, so we went to the next clinic, which was another walk, for an up-and-down set of x-rays, bandaging and receiving a referral for the hospital because all the doctors had left already, and then picking up the x-ray disc. then it was another walk to the hospital (all this because the clinics and hospital are relatively close to each other, but the bus routes between them are complicated) where gd met us and took over.

the group had left for the outing more than an hour before, so i rushed to catch a couple of buses to get the office, pick up my bag, then catch the light rail and walk (another significant walk) to meet up with them.

i missed the food tour part of it, and i was starting late with the drinking part of it, but i made it just in time for the eating part, and omg it was amazing food, and there was a lot, and i ate and drank so much (i guess that's relative, two light drinks and three shots, but i usually don't drink at all), and the atmosphere was excellent and we all had a lot of fun. like, really, a lot of fun.

i was interrupted twice by phone calls: the first, the mother of the kid who hurt mr smear; i wasn't quite cold, but not exactly warm either (i don't really like her, she's interesting to talk to but immensely disrespectful), and learned that her son wanted to contact mr smear but hadn't told her why. so i told her why, and then sent her mr smear's number, and she's assured me (sure) that it won't happen again.

the second call was from gd to say that his arm looks fine. which is an enormous relief for a whole bunch of reasons.

half the group continued on to a bar, a few of us walked together to the light rail, and then i switched to the bus home, and arrived just in time to take the last few bits of mr smear's dinner laffa, and start winding down for the night. after putting him to bed, i put an hour into the side project, and now i've written this, and i think i just might go to bed.

stormy weather

 i woke up yesterday morning with my back still hurting - particularly, a band of pain around the middle of my trunk whenever i breathe deeply. it's still happening now, though considerably less.

gd (who'd decided her jaw pain could wait) and i enjoyed a slow morning, and then we headed south the florentin and the levinski market looking for a nice place for a coffee date. we didn't find what we were looking for, and gd became distressed about all the market people and vibes, so we cut across to cafe barzilay.

i returned to the table after ordering to find gd upset, she handed me the phone and mr smear informed me how seriously he FAed at school - both in being defiant, and then following that up by lying about having seen the principal - and it looks like he's about to FO.

at least he told us before his teacher got hold of me...

so that fucked up our weekend vibe. we have a meeting with the principal tomorrow, and we have no idea how we can defend him (or even whether we should).

so yesterday was pretty shit. i mean, he seemed reasonably contrite, and he did finally catch up with his homework, but it was pretty shit.

on the plus side, without screen time he dove into building the lego monster book of monsters kit that the mongoose had bought him, so that was cool.

dinner went smoothly, but the evening fell apart when i responded inappropriately to gd sharing her feelings (like a man, i tried to be helpful instead of just listening and nodding my head), we had a massive, exhausting fight and i woke up this morning still feeling emotionally drained.

although i spent most of today reading - including continuing to read the ocean at the end of the lane at mr smear's request, and getting him into alice in sunderland, and getting through most of the complete ballad of halo jones, and winning a blake stake balatro run, and getting back from a not-unpleasant 8km walk dropping mr smear off at a friend (which means we both got exercise and fresh air and didn't get caught in the rain) - the day's still pretty shit.

gods help this kid get his shit together. PLEASE.

failure

 we had a blowout at the fair. he wanted to sign up for animation again - even though last time he made everyone miserable until we took him out - but he steadfastly refused to even try the drum kit. we had a long conversation during which it sounded like he understood what i was trying to tell him (the usual mix of "you only fail if you don't try" and that one has to get out of one's comfort zone if one wants to grow, along with a helping of "i wish i had had such an awesome opportunity because you can't just buy drums and try them at home"), but after our conversation was over he reverted straight back to "just, no".

we walked to the bus stop and caught one to the shuk. around the middle of the shuk we found some vests, a grenadilla slushie and some coffee - i agreed to let him taste it, and he hated it 🤘 - and we proceeded to walk down allenby, up levontin, and then around to yuka monsters. the entire trip from bus there was really pleasant, it was a beautiful and quiet day and mr smear was being very cool.

we got lost in the store, and then gd finished her class and decided to join us, following my live location and walking down some dodgy streets. after she called, panicked, we left the store and met her halfway, then returned, where mr smear and i played some arcade tetris and gd and i went through all the books mr smear and i had been fawning over.

it's all incredible stuff, but very expensive and we wanted all of it.

from there we headed out in search of lunch. we weren't interested in meshek barzilay (not for a midday breakfast, at any rate) and we had trouble finding anything else, which is the point at which gd discovered that mr smear hadn't had breakfast and started freaking out. i picked him up a vegan onigiri from oomai, and we eventually made our way to cafe barzilay, which turned out to be a really good idea.

the two meals we went for turned out to be plenty of great food and an overall cool afternoon experience. then we took the light rail home, and the rest of the afternoon has been chilling, punctuated only by cleaning all the fans, and gd injuring her toe again (in the same way as before) that's finally been healing.

good grief.

so now i'm having a rum and hoping the rest of the weekend won't be dramatic.

...

watching mrbiscuitspeaks reactions to tool (starting with lateralus) is fascinating.

mission

 yesterday:

the surgeon advised me to return only as a last resort, and to book an appointment with a pedicurist instead.

my mom, mr smear and i took a very long walk to the beachfront and down to the shuk. we had a very serious talk about her making aliyah, and i hope she's processing it all because it was a big conversation and i think i managed to get across all the big points.

we took a bus home, then spent the next few hours resting.

in the late afternoon i picked up a car (which was a struggle, it was hot and the directions were shit) and we dropped off the watermelon at our cousins', then met up with them at the cemetery for a quick and personal memorial service.

we then returned to their place for a really nice friday night dinner. for the most part we all had a good time, including gd who'd been very uncomfortable the last couple of times. mr smear slipped back into his usual baby-hating habits, but was mostly good.

this morning:

this morning i discovered that my hip issues aren't necessarily caused by the bed. halfway through the night it got so bad that i left the couch and went to the bed, and slept better.

weird.

we had a pretty relaxed morning (i read asterix, and napped), and then we all went to the swimming pool. the lifeguard wasn't convinced that mr smear should be allowed in the deep end, but we were with him at all times and he made an effort to prove he actually could swim... but i think my mom and gd are right and that he needs proper lessons.

we were there for a couple of hours, we had a really good time, but it started falling apart as we prepared to leave when mr smear got angry with a baby for picking up gd's phone, and then messed around in the shower while i was waiting for him and while the clock was ticking on our car. and then when he finally came out i saw how badly he's scratched up his leg, and i lost patience.

and then, when i told gd that he was in trouble, she lost patience. so it wasn't pretty.

in spite of that, the rest of the afternoon went pretty smoothly (i think, i napped for most of it) and in the evening my mom took mr smear out for dinner and i took gd to south tel aviv for a dinner date. between the green cat pizza and a random hostel bar, we had a really good night ^_^

...

but we're all sad that my mom's leaving tomorrow.

psychosis

 the past couple of days have been schizophrenic, and utterly psychotic.

thursday:

the fight about going out notwithstanding, thursday was amazing. it was a gorgeous day, we rode to the port and sat down for far too much ice-cream. which was amazing.

then we rode to babylon park, where mr smear did a VR ride and the two of us played a shooting game, both by raw thrills and both brilliant experiences.

then we came home via the dog-friendly coffee shop, where he made a new four-legged friend named "cheesecake". (and where i witnessed the horror of a woman with a big dog who, after she'd waited for ages for her two coffees, yanked her so hard that all the coffee painted the sidewalk)

inspired, we came home and re-watched jurassic park with gd, and ordered rainbow burgers for dinner, and all-in-all it was just a magnificent day.

yesterday:

i went to bed quite late, but slept alright. i took mr smear to school in the morning (it was a pretty relaxed morning), and by around 10am gd and i were ready to head out. that was when i first looked at my messages, and learned that on thursday night, my lead had had a heart-attack and died.

this is utterly devastating. not only professionally - we're a new company and he's the chief architect for our central platform - but personally as well; we've been working closely together for the past two and a half months and he was a personality and a half, insanely smart, larger-than-life and full of obscure knowledge about the world in general.

to add to all that... this last week was particularly rough on him, and i know that a decision that i made was the cause of a lot of his frustration.

jesus christ.

so that was the background for yesterday, and today, and the next while as we not only mourn, but also scramble to take over his responsibilities.

today is shabbat, and i'm loathe to work on shabbat, but that effort begins today.

...

gd and i picked mr smear up from school, dropped everything off at home, and then headed to the shuk to find him shoes. this was a rough experience on two fronts: the first being the shuk itself on a friday, and the second being the usual difficult involved in getting mr smear to try on shoes.

the experience was not in any way fun.

but we did manage to get him shoes and sandals for his class hike next week. although to balance that, we also got some shirts with prints and the prints are already flaking off.

we stopped for coffee, then walked to the bus home. then decided to walk to a different bus stop rather than wait for twenty minutes. we had a pleasant walk down sderot chen, arrived at the stop in time... and then gd saw the hummusia next to the stop, so we sat down there instead.

we "opened a table", and while it wasn't the highest quality food, the experience was great.

we got home with just enough time for a quick rest before getting on a company call just to be together. and then i took mr smear to shul.

the walk there was fine, but the shul experience itself was... difficult. mr smear was mostly alright, but in two separate incidents behaved so badly that i had to punish him (he's just finished brushing his teeth and the punishment timer has started), and once again got into his "i hate babies" mode and glared at any infant that made a sound.

add to that the hard-left political stance of the rabbi's sermon (we must be united, so let's fight the fascists) combined with inappropriate re-gendering of the litergy, and i left the synagogue totally over it.

but then things got more wrong, because mr smear - as usual - got angry with me for talking about stuff he doesn't like to hear as a consequence for his own bad behavior.

at this point, i dropped my bad language filter and went all out.

on the one hand, things got loud enough that i was half-expecting someone to call the police. on the other, i eventually and miraculously got through to him and we had a very honest, very clear discussion about his behavior and what he's doing to himself and others.

the rest of the walk home was hand-in-hand, and peacefully positive.

we got home, he jumped in the shower and i caught gd up on the events, and we called up my mom and said kiddush. things were going just fine... until mr smear - lounging backwards in a way we've been telling him not to for many moons - tipped a plate full of food all over himself (in his clean white shirt) and the floor.

and that was the straw that broke gd's back. she absolutely lost her shit, and while i think there were things she said and did that may have been a bit harsher than warranted, she wasn't wrong to be completely (and scarily) clear with him on how fucked up he's been.

so the rest of the evening was under a dark cloud, but the good night wishes weren't met with fighting and landed well.

i went to bed soon after.

today:

i got up groggy, and spent the first hour or so on the couch with the body massager crushing into the connective tissues in my neck (i've been having trouble with the muscles below the left side of my occipital bone for the longest time) and the eye massager doing its thing, feeling very futuristic.

now that i've got this down...

*takes a deep breath*

... it's time to face the music. All The Music.

fight or flight or both

what the hell happened today?

i've been on leave for two weeks, they're almost done, and all i've experienced is being sick and loads of unexpected and heavy adulting and parenting responsibilities. i'm not even tired right now - especially after today's drama - i'm just in shock.

...

it wasn't an easy night, mr smear woke up from a nightmare and it took a round or two of parenting to calm him down again.

otherwise, the cold, rainy day started well, and i got mr smear to school in good spirits.

i took care of some stuff (including informing ze german that i couldn't commit to anything), ate an early breakfast (i think i'm putting on weight again, but i'm struggling psychologically right now), and caught a bus to the shuk. on the way i spoke to a cousin who also wanted to start a joint venture, and had to explain to him too that i'm happy to advise but not available.

about halfway there, i was asked to please stop my conversation because i was bothering everyone on the small bus. i thought i'd been speaking in an unobtrusively low voice, but apparently i was wrong so i hurriedly ended the call and apologized to everyone...

we resumed the call when i arrived, and aside from my heart skipping a beat or two during the siren testing we had a good conversation. then i went through the shuk, and was ultimately unable to locate the bag of shirts we'd bought. so i picked up a coffee, bought another set (the guy felt sorry for me and gave me a bigger discount than before), and then walked up king george, picking up fingerless gloves for myself and mr smear and ordering inserts for my too-large rain boots.

i bussed home, relaxed for a bit watching mostly political videos on youtube with gd, then walked to the school to pick up mr smear.

on my way, a group of bigger kids went past with two of them literally in the middle of a fist fight, and it was only afterwards that i realized that i should have intervened. then i picked up mr smear, and learned that his bully had kicked him twice in his sprained foot and he hadn't been able to defend himself.

what followed was in two parts: part one, losing my cool and my "appropriate parenting language" and giving him hell for how he mishandled the situation (in particular, how he got into the situation in the first place by behaving precisely in the way his bully wanted). i wasn't communicating appropriately, but it appears (based on how he responded both immediately and later) that i was communicating effectively.

part two was me, after getting through part one, becoming absolutely enraged to the point of trembling and considering heading over to his bully's home (i have the address) to threaten his parents in person. or just beat the shit out of them. but i was also very aware of the potential consequences of doing that, and i know that if i start down that path that i'll almost certainly end up in jail, and i wouldn't do that to my family (or myself).

so the next hour or two were spent getting in touch with orgs who are now helping me file complaints against the school and move mr smear to a different one. 

all while trying (and failing) to help mr smear do his homework :/

then i rushed mr smear to his evaluation, which was apparently the second last session. the bus there got stuck in traffic, but we didn't notice because we were heavily engaged in a variety of topics - i got into the weeds of explaining what we're dealing with politically and historically, which he appeared to follow.

while he was there, i grabbed a coffee and wrote up the complaints for the two orgs. i had just enough time before being called back to pick up mr smear.

gd was at her second acupuncture session, so i decided to treat mr smear and take him somewhere in the sarona market. we ended up at mexicana, which may be fast food but it really got mr smear excited. we both loved the food, and he invested himself in experimenting with different combinations of foods and sauces which was very cool.

i was very proud of myself for stopping when i was full, and he continued on a loooong time before he was ready to pack up and go home. at that point we entered into a discussion about judaism vs christianity, which got surprisingly philosophical!

while mr smear got himself ready for bed (he's still into the hobbit ^_^) gd and i spoke to my mom, sharing the days trials and tribulations and hearing some things (specifically about my niece and her kid) that made us rather upset.

...

as i just said to gd: while mr smear's got issues that we need to work through, while he drives us crazy on all sorts of little things, if i think about the big stuff he's facing and how he's facing it his resilience is nothing short of miraculous. he's a good kid, and he's tough in ways i can't wrap my head around. his last few years have been immeasurably hard, and he deserves so much better.

i fucking love my boy. i'm fucking proud of my boy. and i'm fucking grateful that our relationship has improved so dramatically over the last year or two. he's learning to trust us, to let his guard down around us and let us in (including taking criticism well, and trying to incorporate it), and it's an amazing feeling.

...

anyway, mr smear went to bed without too much fuss, i've now finished this and am about to try help gd with her neck. for tonight, everything else is just whatever (including messages waiting for me that i'm deliberately ignoring).

fucking tuesday

 well... i was about to go to bed, i was falling asleep on my feet, when we realized that one of the key accomplishments of the day was for nothing - we lost a bag of t-shirts that we bought at the shuk this morning.

so now i've played some more inscryption, and i'm writing this up, and then hopefully i'll manage to get some actual sleep. last night i ended up playing final fantasy vi for about an hour after posting...

...

firstly, my cold / flu / whatever has been slightly better today, but still not great. it was rain weather, but fortunately not boot weather. after dropping mr smear off at school - with him having had a pretty good morning, and repeating his affirmation without hesitation, and being much more healthily social with his friends on the way to school than usual - gd and i headed to azrieli. we went through all the major clothing stores, and found nothing of interest, so we hopped on a bus to the shuk via dizengoff center (to pick up an emergency umbrella) and began the hunt.

we actually found what we were looking for pretty quickly. shirts for mr smear, shirts for me (now lost), and three pairs of decent, i-can-go-to-work-in-these cargo pants (that i had quite a time trying on in their open-air fitting room), and then we picked up a cauliflower meal from the frena place and sat down for coffee, enjoying a nice chat with an elderly couple that was in mixed hebrew and english, and which gd managed to follow and participate in quite nicely!

on the way to the bus i realized that my payment for the cauliflower hadn't gone through, so i returned to have my card declined a number of times before discovering that i had (rather unusually) some cash in my wallet. the ride home was consumed by me on the phone to my credit card company, learning that - once again - i blew straight past my limit by a lot and now i'm blocked for the next few days.

i really don't understand the point of the limit if they're only going to shut down my card way after i've spent too much money.

i mean, i kind of get it, but it's wrong and gross.

anyway.

i picked up mr smear from school, and on the way home we were treated to the sight of a jackal jumping out of the hedges at the park and racing right past us. which reminds me - one of the jackals by our apartment tried to start a howl in the middle of the night, and all the other jackals just ignored him so he dropped it 😂

we spent the next couple of hours doing his homework, which was at least a better experience than yesterday's attempt. slow going, though, and gd and i were horrified to discover that he doesn't know the order of the letters in the hebrew alphabet or the names of the months in the hebrew calendar.

WTAF.

after his "play therapist" arrived, i took a bus to the barber shop, chatting with one of ze germans about a project he wants me in on (which i can't be in on, officially). the haircut experience was pretty good, overall, although it had its awkward points: my "usual" barber had been the person i'd made the appointment with over the phone, so he knew that my first pick was someone else, the guy who did my hair did a pretty good job, though i ended up covered in hair and i had to ask him to fix something rather obvious, and my card was declined so i had to mission to find an ATM.

i waited so long for the bus home that i ended up walking instead, and i arrived home in time to shower and sit down to eat and watch the simpsons.

inspired by a chat with my mom, mr smear went to bed reading the hobbit graphic novel, which is very  exciting!

...

i started the day posting the following:

gaza-lighting: when you try to wipe out the jews in their own homeland, but after you've been defeated you occupy their territory and culturally appropriate their entire history in order to turn it against them, while raising your children as "martyrs" to complete your initial attempt to destroy them, claiming that *you're* indigenous and occupied and under threat of genocide.

("palestinians" are egyptians, jordanians and syrians who were abandoned in israel by their countries in order to use them as pawns in their long game of destroying israel. just to be clear, i'm very happy living with and alongside non-jewish israelis who accept our sovereignty and democratic rule of law. i don't feel the same about anyone who refuses that.)

what's happening with trump and netanyahu aligning to give hamas an ultimatum on returning the hostages on saturday is extremely exciting. this feels like what we should have been feeling the entire war - like america knows what's up and which side they're on - and while it may be too late to help most of the hostages it seems like it's on time to turn this whole ship around.

chores and childhood

saturday:

i went to bed, got up a bit later to pee and caught mr smear on the computer... i warned him that that had lost him screen time, got him to go to bed, and then returned to bed myself.

i was in the middle of a dream when he woke me up to ask if his punishment time was over yet 🤦‍♂️

by the way, i have to note that he's been reading the wave and is really enjoying it.

when i eventually got up (i didn't get too much more sleep, unfortunately) we sat down to play some space quest v together, which was fun and got a lot of laughs until he decided he was getting bored 🤷‍♂️

i moved over to the playstation, and began playing nier automata. i managed to get through the first sequence, it was a lot of fun and the game world is gorgeous, but by the time i got to the save point i was feeling worn out...

mr smear's german friend came over for a few hours, while i played some more final fantasy vi.

in any event, the day was mostly spent quietly indoors. we were all exhausted.

yesterday:

after dropping mr smear off at school, gd and i took the bus to dizengoff center, then walked to the shuk. we enjoyed a cup of coffee on rambam street with no pressure, we picked her up a couple of bags (custom prints, she's happy with them) and a couple of nice t-shirts for me, i picked up some wired speakers for my windows machine, and then we checked out the book store looking for a gift for the mongoose's daughter (whose birthday we've missed, twice) and hit the jackpot - a large piglet plushy and a hebrew translation of winnie-the-pooh.

after we got home, gd went back out to meet up with urchin, so i had to pick mr smear up from school. i arrived there just as he was leaving the gate with a friend of his we've never heard of before, informing me that they were going to take the bus to his place and asking me to pick him up by 4pm.

so... that was a moment. i made sure i had the address, and that his friend knew that mr smear is vegan, and off they went, leaving me feeling a little bit anxious but very proud at the same time.

gd, however, didn't take mr smear's independence so well... to be fair, though, if we were in canada or south africa i definitely wouldn't have felt so safe about it.

i spent the next while setting up my new work accounts, and discovering that the cheap speakers i'd bought were terrible, and then gd and urchin arrived and we chatted for a while, and then gd and i left together to pick mr smear up from his friend.

he was fine, they'd had a nice afternoon. we took the bus home, picked up the gifts, then took the bus to the mongoose's. and discovered that his daughter already had the matching winnie-the-pooh plushy, but their copy of the book they had wasn't as nice so she'd been bored... on our way out i overheard them reading to her and they later sent an adorable picture of her hugging her new friend.

all good ^_^

from there we went to market vegan for dinner. i had the hand-made couscous, which i really didn't enjoy the texture of, and they shared kebabs which were delicious, but there was an embarrassing incident with mr smear trying to spit out a mouthful of food because he didn't like the peanut butter sauce 🤦‍♂️

we got home pretty late, had a struggle to get him to do some of his homework, and then just before bedtime he decided he was hungry again.

ay carumba.

today:

another difficult day getting mr smear ready for school. while saying goodbye, some guy walked his kid past me and the child wet-coughed openly into my face. i was literally stunned, and i really wish i'd said something because i spent my entire walk back fighting with the shitty parent in my mind :/

i took the speakers back for a refund, then ended up meandering until i found myself at a nice coffee shop on ibn gvirol, where i stopped and took care of a bunch of chores.

it feels good crossing things off my list.

it didn't feel good learning that mr smear had absolutely refused to cooperate with his teacher until the third lesson of the day :(

then i walked home via the mall, where i picked up some urgent groceries and found a pretty decent bluetooth speaker that was on sale for even less money than the cheap ones i'd returned. they work well, although the windows machine itself is pretty shitty so they're not as good as they could be...

mr smear had left school with a friend of his who was performing in a piano recital at the conservatory. i was told that he would be ready to be picked up around 3.30pm, but on my way there i saw that his phone was on the other side of the city, and when i checked in with his friend's parents i was told that the recital was only scheduled to begin at 5pm, and that they'd have mr smear home by 6pm.

color me frustrated.

i'd been in the middle of a meeting with horseman, who was trying very hard to explain a complex crypto scheme of his, and i took the opportunity to make myself a coffee and reset my brain a little. in total we must have sat for about two hours on his presentation, arguing non-stop about how all the mechanisms work together, but by the end of it i think we had a good handle on the design and we'd also both learned a some things about crypto that we hadn't fully understood before.

mr smear eventually came home around 7pm, just while i was talking to our kibbutz cousin for the first time in ages, and we dived into dinner because he hadn't eaten anything all afternoon. he apparently had a really good time, though :)

we had a long good-night chat with my mom, some of which was stressful (regarding aliyah), and now that mr smear's in bed and i've knocked this post out, i think i'm going to start winding down for the evening.

overflow

 i boiled over this morning, i'm doing what i can to take this afternoon as easy as possible.

the day began pretty simply, we got up, had coffee, i played through bloons: adventure time quests and caught up on stuff. then we woke mr smear up, fed him, and we left for the shuk. on the way to the bus, we ran into our old neighbor and his now six-month old son, and we had a good chat. i mean, the subject matter was tough, but it was nice talking to him.

the bad feelings began on the bus. not because the driver was driving recklessly (and throwing us about) - though that didn't help - but because there was a bunch of young people and nobody would give up their seats for the old people who climbed in.

and then it was a fight to get off the bus because of all the idiots blocking the doors, and it took a little while to start calming down. but by then we were in the shuk itself, and we were realizing that we weren't going to find what we were looking for, and then all the people around us were doing what mall people (yes, same thing) do, and then that started stressing me out...

then we walked down king george, but first we encountered an old rollerblading friend and i completely blanked on his name and got super weird and uncomfortable. we walked down to dizengoff center, where the security guard insisted on shaking my hand before letting us in.

*shakes head*

king george was unusually empty - obviously because lots of people are scared or scared away - but the mall was pretty full.

first a pit stop, then finding food, all through mall people. that part was good, and the tourist group doing a headphone party activity was amusing.

we hit the sports store and found gd a swimming cap, then took mr smear into the toysrus to see if there was anything he wanted for his birthday. this time i was the one who became overwhelmed, and progressively desperate for a cold drink and coffee. eventually, on the point of losing it, i rushed everyone out, very grateful for gd being in full support mode.

we got some cool drinks, then crossed the road to ozen hashlishi and sat down. i approached the baristas, who informed me that... that their coffee machine had broken down. the big man i'd assumed was a barista was actually the technician. i looked her in the eyes, and explained that i was desperate, and would settle for a turkish coffee if they had any.

they did.

and just as she was about to start preparing it for me, the technician announced that the machine was back in working order.

*relief*

still very anxious, we sat outside and i slowly calmed down over my latte, and then we hopped on a bus home.

i still had some leftovers and a bagel from our mall breakfast, so i figured i'd give it away if we came across anyone in need. there's an older homeless woman who i've seen a lot in the area lately - the last time i saw her she was fighting with some garbage men about *her* trash can - and i asked if she was interested. she said no, but told me there was another woman walking around who would be, and so i left it on the bench and said it was for that woman.

she began yelling at me. i tried to walk away, but she picked up the package and ran over to me because "she's got enough trouble of her own, she can't be helping other homeless people".

wtaf.

*sigh*

anyway, we came home, and i rested, and the rest of the afternoon's been all about playing games: inscryption (act ii of the story mode), and i roped mr smear into playing shivers with me because he wouldn't stop going on about scary games. overall, we had a fun experience together, and while the atmosphere totally creeped him out the jump scare (which i'd warned him was coming) didn't bother him too much. i think the proprietor's corpse was a bit much for him, though, but reading about the hieroglyphs seemed to distract him sufficiently.

...

now praying for a quiet weekend.

the sammich

 the morning started off alright, but then we suddenly got hit with an attitude issue that was on-off until we got to the lego store (including on our mission to the shuk, which mr smear also isn't a fan of, although we did find him the white hate he's been whining for in spite of his protests and we got an iron maiden shirt made for him which he's ridiculously excited about - so i guess that was a bit of a corrective experience).

then we hit the lego store. i gave him explicit instructions to remember that it's *his* birthday present (not his mom's), that *he* has to choose what *he* wants, and that he has to be under budget (it's a big budget - we may be under financial stress, but we believe he deserves a birthday celebration just like everyone else). he was excited, and he went from section to section but couldn't decide.

then, suddenly, he cut and ran. i realized what was happening before anyone else did, and chased after him, catching him outside, hugging him tight, and explaining that he didn't need to make any decisions right then, nor even get his present from the lego store. he started calming down, and asked if he could just wear his new shirt, so i took him to a quiet store with a changing room and he came out pretty much fully recovered.

we caught the bus home, and the rest of the afternoon was nice. a/c, and after watching a couple of jonas tyroller videos, we decided to reinstall will you snail and remembered just how much fun it is!

it was generally a really nice afternoon. we had a break from doing things together - he played rain world, and watching him bouncing up and down while he played was wildly entertaining for all of us - and then i was inspired to put on the truman show. at first he didn't seem interested, but pretty soon he joined me on the couch and really got into it.

we had a wickedly delicious friday night hotdog dinner - didn't know that was a thing until tonight - and he rushed through his shower so that we could watch another half hour of the movie. it's an excellent movie, and it's really fun watching it with him.

bedtime was mostly okay but ended on a silly sour note, not the worst bedtime but still not a great end to an otherwise great day. then i sat down to some more inscryption, and it *really* made me feel shitty. two runs where i was getting everything i wanted, and got demolished anyway with zero ceremony.

i think calling the game "evil" is absolutely fair. it doesn't change my obsession/addiction, it just qualifies it a bit more...

now to plan tomorrow's luna park mission and go to bed.