iran's cave

 this morning i made the mistake of opening instagram and scrolling down my feed. each post was more demoralizing than the last, and this is after filtering out so many accounts that are spewing antisemitism and blatant lies about us, the war, and our history.

i don't know which is worse: terrorist regimes trying to destroy us, or the useful idiots supporting them, or the cautious walking-on-egg-shells they're being met with. or maybe it's none of those three. maybe it's seeing clueless jews serving as mouthpieces for their enemies and speaking against their own people.

either way, i'm grateful to be here, the one place on earth where jews are allowed to be jews, and where as jews we are able to defend ourselves. where the answer to "should our hostages be freed" is obvious and unequivocal. where we don't have to defend singing a national anthem that calls for us being a free nation in our own country of origin.

we're pushing further and further into a future of fake news, and deepfakes, and twisted narratives and propaganda engines the likes of which even george orwell couldn't possibly have imagined back when he wrote 1984.

2 + 2 = 5

if this past six months has taught us nothing else, i hope we learn from it that western civilization is in terrible danger of losing its mind, and its heart. i hope that the world will collectively take steps to pull itself out of the endless sea of quicksand that our media and social media platforms have become.  i hope our children don't wake up in a dystopian future controlled by radical ideologies in which it's impossible to know what's real and what's not.

software not-precisely-engineering

“always code as if the person who ends up maintaining your code is a violent psychopath who knows where you live.” - stolen from dystopia, unverified

i had an idea a few weeks ago while i was struggling to deal with recruitment agencies, and when i went to morgan stanley i found myself discussing it with the local head of their software division who shared similar ones. our discussion combined them all to form the following:

1. the software world is completely broken. this is because badly written code, compilers and interpreters form the foundation upon which all the rest of the ecosystem relies, and so in addition to bad practices and bugs on the expected levels of code (applications, etc.) there are loads of instances where the code cannot be written well without it breaking.

2. most code is written badly because it's done under time constraints and only the barest minimum functionality is demanded by management. the fact that code can be rewritten gives people a sense that it's okay to publish bugs into the public domain.

3. there should be an authority with whom every software engineer would have to register. not only would this authority ensure minimum acceptable proficiency, but they would also be responsible for monitoring and auditing code produced by licensed professionals.

4. any software engineer caught publishing badly designed or untested code would forfeit his license.

two things would come from this:

1. the licensing authority would be able to assure any employer that a developer is technically capable; the employer would only need to worry about cultural fit.

2. a licensed developer would be motivated to refuse any instruction to perform unethical or irresponsible acts on grounds that his license would be at risk and would be worth more than his job. any employer attempting to force a licensed engineer to produce badly designed code could be blacklisted by the authority.

...

kinda like when a doctor doesn't save the hospital cash by putting a band-aid on a wound that requires surgery.
"sorry, if i don't adhere to the standard of ethics i could lose my license. how about we actually solve the problem instead?"

...

all arguments for or against are welcome in the comments.

consumption junction

mmmf. netflix and a home theatre setup isn't healthy. i just keep pressing "play" at the end of every episode...

---the discussion about israel that began yesterday continued today, and got very emotional. at some points i was angry because people who know me, but not well, don't understand where i stand and why i left, and it's important for me that everyone knows that i didn't just give up. i didn't just flee with my tail between my legs, and i'm sad that after everything i went through i was unable to make israel my home. i was successful as an israeli, i have one and a half degrees, an excellent service record and good professional experience / references to show that. also a few good friends and a heck of a lot of interesting stories. but what i didn't have was satisfaction.

every day, no, every time i left my apartment i would be exposed to behaviour that made me suffer. and not just behaviour towards me; i cannot ignore other people and i cannot abide by unnecessary aggression. now, it's one thing to try and fail to change that, but it's another entirely to be told not to try to change it. i cannot help but be offended to my core by "the indifference of good men".

what i most appreciated today was a private message from a friend of a friend that i've never met, who'd seen our mutual friend's comments and read what i had to say: she just wanted to share that she could sympathize. i found that touching.

i know that there are a lot of good people there, and a lot of initiatives to bring about change - but i also know that i'm out of place in that society and while i can manage well there i cannot feel secure or be happy until that change is affected. and, as i've said before, while i hope and pray that i'm wrong i've lost faith and can only envision their society collapsing.

is quebec perfect? is anywhere perfect? no. but even though i'm just beginning my new life here, and i don't even know where i'll be in two years' time, i'm already more at peace than i've been in well over a decade. what was i fighting for all that time? and stressing about? to what end?

---last night:

warm bodies: amusing, but with disturbing plot holes that weren't actually funny. it's not as well done as shaun of the dead. having said that, it does present an interesting counterpoint to my zombie thesis and has provided much food for thought. so i guess i appreciate it, even if i'm not thrilled by it. also - it was filmed here! i *thought* the locations looked familiar.

so the meetup itself was afterwards, sitting around a couple of tables at a pizza hut. it was super awkward at first. i was feeling self-conscious about not ordering food, but the guy sitting across from me ordered nothing but green tea so i did too, and then i discovered that he's a vegan as well and we had a discussion that made me feel really good - i got him to rethink some of his fanatic beliefs by assailing him with logic. in particular, he's not so sure he's anti-GM foods anymore. and he informed me that dr. greger is going to be in town soon and i'd really like to hear him speak.

so, a lot of the people at the meetup are a little older (or elderly) and a bit broken (like, recently divorced or in the process of separating), but there were a couple of other younger folk (like, younger than me, i guess i'm not in my early twenties anymore :P). the younger girl invited a few of us to a talk next weekend that sounds right up my alley! cool - i hope i don't hate it...

one old man overheard a conversation i was having about humour and stopped as he walked past: "you sound really educated."
i awkwardly responded with something along the lines of "i try," and only later would think of a decent (and appropriately humble) response.
*sigh*
i'm not used to appreciation from strangers.

so ultimately, the evening was very pleasant and a good time was had by all. riiiiiight until that moment when i decided to accept a lift to the metro station instead of taking a two-minute walk. the man offering was really excited to talk to an israeli, and instead of a minute in the car i sat for about half an hour as he ranted and raved, first about israeli politics and then about quebec politics and the injustice of bill 101 and how it's a human rights violation. basically, it was like being trapped in a car with my offensive uncle on a roll, only this was a total stranger. he kinda reminded me of rip torn, if rip torn was driving a car that looked like he was sleeping in it.

after eventually managing to extract myself from the vehicle, i needed to shake off my disgust and frustration and horror and the hopeless reliving of the defining moment in which i accepted his kind offer: it was with crazy-people vocal expressions that i did so. almost-shouting at myself while alone crossing a bridge in the rain, things like "damn!" and rolling my eyes while breathing "why?!"... that sort of thing.

...

and then i returned to my apartment and the why-i-left-israel discussion wasn't over.
*facepalm*
you'd think i'd just leave it until morning, but xkcd 386. and this was about me.

i watched lots of how i met your mother and ate a lot of chocolate, and i felt better when i finally went to bed. actually, that kinda sums up tonight as well.

---i've been playing penny arcade: gamers vs evil with dystopia, zenstar and schpat, and i actually managed to win a game. i'm super proud!

---today:

i woke up late and into beautiful weather. i had a very long chat with copywriter that got political and philosophical, after which i rushed off to the gym to watch the open mma mat. well! that wasn't happening, so i just trained for a while instead. i mainly focused on my kicking - it's a long process to recalibrate - and walked out totally satisfied with myself and really glad that i'm living so close to an excellent gym.

after chatting with my mum i settled down to work on my comics, and while i didn't make as much progress quantity-wise as last time i certainly did hit upon something that makes the transformation from figure of speech to poetry much clearer. i've been wondering about doing this as a webcomic, but while i think the slow-release format might be suitable my drawing skills definitely are not. i mean, i can communicate what i'm going for but is that really all i want? i want people to read it and enjoy the fantastic world that ol' shakespeare has created, not just go "ah, very clever! i see what he was going for".

---"so delicious" mint marble fudge is soy-based ice-cream and it's stupidly delicious! like, omg, it's awesome and satisfying and uncontrollable.

the first spring of the rest of my life

just up from a peaceful afternoon nap, having drifted in and out of sleep the entire sunny [i suspect, i haven't ventured outside] afternoon while finishing alice in sunderland (immensely delightful and full of wondrous insight!) and beginning the [definitive] annoted alice.

i'm now taking the book outdoors so as not to have spent it all in the shade :)

---
after a great beef parisian breakfast yesterday morning, i headed to disc center in the mall for the experience of the day. after ripping the cds, i played them in the background while continuing to read alice in sunderland on the couch, eventually passing out for a few minutes before forcing myself to get up and walk to the climbing wall.

i shouldn't have walked with one of the guys, i should have bladed and met scrapper there directly. he ended up waiting about half an hour for us, sorting out my new climbing shoes took half an hour and we had less time on the wall than we'd originally thought :/

buying the shoes was unpleasant - everyone gives different advice. i eventually went with size 45, because they were too tight, and it took me a climb and a half to realize that i'd made a huge mistake. i was extremely fortunate that they let me switch out for 46, and it was smooth sailing from there.

on the walk back and over a beer we discussed the possibility of continuing the project, even without my direct involvement, and i'm glad for the support. and for the understanding of why i can't stick my neck out too far :P

i immediately hit the shower on arrival, and had barely enough time to hang up the washing before rushing out to be picked up for dinner. two fresh soldiers in the car had us talking military the whole drive, and i was glad when we got to our destination and switched topic.

i was excited to discover that one of my english cousins is remaining here for the next few months, specifically because she and her friends are particularly interested in outdoor partying and that might make my getting there and back more comfortable ^_^

the seder, or passover meal surrounded by reading and singing and re-experiencing the exodus from egypt (there was an attempt to debate which was cut short by her rather impatiently irreligious mother), was quite fun - as is usual with this family. boisterous, loud, and often silly :)

the food was amazing. i was so engrossed in an argument* with a family-friend's son (an economics / philosophy major) that i only managed to consume two of the succulent steaks on offer, but that turned out to be alright because otherwise i wouldn't have had much room for the most decadently delicious chocolate mousse-meringue-strawberry combo.

i definitely needed to sleep that off on the ride back. i actually felt a little guilty about not having kept the driver company :$

i paid the weekly trance party a visit: the music wasn't great when i arrived, i was really awkward with one of the girls**, there were weird people on the dancefloor (just standing there), and by the time the music started getting wild the place was so packed (about 2.30am) that i was made uncomfortable by the crowd pressure and the smoke. so i left.

i was completely entranced by my psytrance playlist on the walk back, and was feeling much better by the time i got home. i received some travel advice from a friend that got me thinking that i should brush up on my hindu mythology before i go...

sagirl's random outburst:

life is SO precious!!! if you want to moan about something....STOP, change the sentence into something positive and remember that life is to short to ponder on the negative and we have to make the most of the things we have and love the people around us, cause in a blink of an eye, they could be gone!!

is such an obvious truism that i felt slapped in the face, and i put myself to bed feeling much better about the world.

...

i spent the day in slow motion, tidying up a little and playing with my ipod. i finally watched the first episode of rome (thank you, dystopia!), was blown away, and then settled down to read.

it's taken me so long to get this down (interrupted frequently by chats), that i feel compelled to leave the footnotes for later.

a and c and b b

[post delayed from 3.50am and then retyped due to a floating wireless signal]

just back and showered from post-shakespearean drinks with dystopia - a very comfortable evening at a touch of madness and then... somewhere else. anthony and cleopatra was quite a sober production, but its set design and use was wonderful. *AND* the weather went from supremely shitty with a good chance of rain to clear and calm within the first fifteen minutes of the show ^_^

the only issue i had with the cast was octavian's speaking voice, which was staggered in a manner that rendered him difficult to understand without prior familiarity with the play. that said, either he improved or i got used to it by the fourth act.

---the drive to and from betty's bay is great - the only thing i was missing was a navigator with a serious camera to capture the amazing views in both directions. the place itself is a perfect retreat, and it's a pity that i couldn't spend more time there.

highlights included drawing pictures in the sand, a fantastic sunset, pre-sleep hysterics over a bad joke about using a vibrator as a toothbrush, sleeping like a log, my introduction to epic munchkin and becoming familiar with what is truly the universe's most comfortable couch - yogi's simply doesn't measure up.

i arrived back in town just in time to get dressed, mill around the cape quarter with my mum, pick up good chinese in rondebosch (although without chopsticks, and only one fork and spoon - after i double-checked verbally, too) and eat it at maynardville.

i'm exhausted, and it's my second-last day - nuts.

the trade

the first item on today's agenda was buying dystopia's WOW cards. i discovered that while the food at kauai may be good and healthy, three panels of the menu were filled with items whose names i cannot bring myself to say out loud in a public forum.

i will never ask for a "rooster booster burger", and the day i ask for a "princess wrap" is the day i walk out wearing a tutu. even the drinks' names have been emasculated. and while the wrap that i did order was good, the peanut butter smoothie contained a giant rubbery egg that began to split when i neared the bottom of the cup, and that was incredibly off-putting.

i arrived back in sea point just in time for my appointment to get my neck waxed... my tat's had a haircut and is no longer sporting a 'fro.

i spent the rest of the afternoon watching futurama, then met up with sweetiepie for a beer. on the way i was disappointed to learn that there is no trance party on the weekend, and i was kinda relying on that as a solid send-off. *expletive deleted here*

my mom and i had dinner with some english cousins, which was really nice. unlike israel, in south africa i can ask for a steak just shy of medium rare and expect to get it as such. and the quantity and quality of the meat is fantastic.

i'm exhausted, and depressed that i'm leaving so soon.