family movie night

we just got back from the three musketeers, and boy was that a pleasant surprise! i had no idea it was gonna be steampunk ^_^
and ignoring that, the cinematography is superb and it has a wonderful cast.

---
the morning sucked, but i got some pre-lunch satisfaction, literally solving a vexing problem as i was on my way out to meet with a guy who i used to study with. and caused me to learn .net the hard way when he left the country in 2005 and i had to take over a project from him that was somewhere between design and first-draft implementation. lunch was good (although i ran into singer's brother, and while it was nice to see him it was still kinda awkward) and we talked past, present and future - including the possibilities of working together. we'll see how that goes, but it sounds really interesting!

---
on the way back i met up with my co-workers returning from lunch as well. as we stood waiting for the light to change, some idiot held down his hooter and i, automatically, clapped while looking sarcastically appreciatively in his direction. what i didn't expect was for him, a middle-aged and unhappy-looking man, to pull over next to us and start shouting at me.

"are you bored?!"
i thought about answering, then thought better of it. i just looked back.
"are you bored?? what are you clapping for?"
the others had no clue what was going on, because they'd been busy talking and hadn't noticed my behaviour.
"do i need to call the police? is that what you want??"

and that was when i lost track of what was going on. he was going to call the police on me? for clapping, when it was in response to him doing something illegal? wtf?!?!

---
i spent the afternoon figuring out just to what extremes i hate css. it's unbelievable just how pathetic the entire system is. also, my boss irritates me with his smugness, especially when he's speaking in defence of things he knows to be malfunctioning.

...

i left early, buzzing with agitation, and fed that into transcribing some more of my journal before we left for cinema city. i have about six pages left to go, and then i'll focus on the other million todo's...

---
wow - pg just gave me an incredible deep-tissue elbows-grinding-into-sore-back-muscles massage with karnivool - all i know playing in the background - now i'm totally spaced out :)

still shocked - need more time

[this post brought to you by diamond head]

all my troubles began yesterday with my inability to catch a quick nap before heading off to work. i went out to catch the bus, and one of our managers was on it... he decided to get off at the same station as me to see if it was any closer.

it wasn't. his response?
"i'm gonna slap the bitch outta you"

i spent the afternoon working, then continuing with my paper within the calm of the phone lines. the head manager who's stepping out brought chocolate ice-cream bites... they were frozen solid and cold. and not good to have in one's mouth when answering a call.

after the shift i spoke to someone about an interesting-sounding job. halfway through the conversation i was asked if i didn't feel overqualified for the job... my boss was standing far too close for comfort when i said "listen, the job i'm doing now? i don't wanna use dirty words, so i'm not going to describe what levels i've resorted to."

[*suddenly feels better after a quick break*]

on my way out i was reminded of aziz ansari because i usually rollerblade. with one gay co-worker and one straight, the three of us went down a gratuitously gory mental spiral, eventually reaching a low enough point with the following (you'll have to select it to read it, it's awful):
a gherkin merkin': badly shorn pubic hair over a small, green penis suffering genital herpes

so we called it quits.
[for those who've read the above - don't you wish you hadn't?]

i hopped over to the university, beginning the experience in the orange store. all i wanted to know what how to check my balance... the saleswoman had no idea either. while attempting her suggestions, i got to witness her using grimy tricks on other customers. they really do talk a lot of horseshit.

i walked inside to find a hanukkah headphone party. i had a beer while discussing idealism with co-conspirator (or do i refer to her as a union-mate?) before we headed to the student union meeting. it began late, so we talked a lot more. i have a lot of things to say.

first item on the agenda - an announcement regarding the fire last week. it's touching to hear all the stories about the people who took command and donated their time and helped physically with the ordeal. it's disturbing to hear all the stories about the government institutions (some aid ones in particular) and services who did as little as they could get away with.

the next couple of items were interesting too, and fortunately a bit more positive. there's a hint that we may have succeeded somewhere along the line...

i wasn't happy about leaving early, but i had promised to get to singer's first performance on time. if only the invitation i'd received hadn't been incorrect, i would've known that i had an hour more than i'd thought. i didn't have to miss the main item on the agenda :(

i decided on falafel on my way home, and walked into the place next door just as they were setting out the candles. all the patrons (including one really strange man and his child, i'm certain that kid's not getting the best genes in the pool) were stuck singing for their supper...

... i rushed home, strapped on my blades and got to the bar *just* one hour early. buggrit. i haven't seen her family since we stopped seeing each other, so that was a little... a little awkward. amusing, though, that nobody recognized me with hair :P

that extra beer... i tried to read, i tried to write, and eventually, circuitously, entered a conversation with the beautiful girl sitting at my table that lasted until the show started.
single-serve friends :P

that extra beer... that went to my head.

the performance was brilliant - i'm really impressed. thoroughly amused, too - the last song was the one singer and i argued over the most, and when she got to the Big Fix she made a really mischievous face at me while singing it her way :)

her one song got stuck in my head for most of the next twelve hours. not bad, not bad at all.

she finished earlier than anticipated, and i rolled out of there and into the group. we had one tough blade, but very social. i even found out who's borrowed my copy of johnny mnemonic! (after my phone upgrade...)

pg and i had an argument, and we irritated each other a lot with this one... i worked out my frustration with some serious exercise. my legs were strained by the time i finally got home (around 1.30am).

i walked in, quaffed an energy drink, showered and got to work on my paper. the only thing that got in the way was my windows installation. i'd forgotten how much i despise microsoft - windows 7's a huge improvement technologically, but some of their measures are still rather draconian.

around 4am sorter was giving me a few pointers as i prepared to put together the last page or two. i was all over the place comparing readings and fixing things when my whole neighbourhood lost power. no wireless, no light, a few hours left before the paper was due... not good.

not good.

---i figured it was best to go to bed and sleep a couple of hours, but the caffeine was still in charge and it must have taken me about half an hour to catch some z's. and two hours is just not enough sleep.

i spent about ten grim minutes snoozing, then dragged myself out of bed and got cracking. i put together the summary and tidied up some more, then made triply-sure that i had a copy to print when i got to campus.

yes! first print was smooth, first peer-review not so much. i grabbed her paper (for a moment she thought i was serious about replacing her cover page and handing it in as mine) and fixed the style issues, printed again and refused to look back.

our first class was the usual nightmare - only it gets a little worse every time. at least it had an amusing warm-up; we're all starting to get familiar with each other :)
so half the class have notes they don't understand, the other stopped wasting their time trying, and one or two *think* they got it but that's only because we've been talking about the same shit for the past six classes. it's a terrible course :(

the end of it was perfect, though. the professor talked about shklovsky (at least i think it was him) saying that in order to be art the representation must be difficult to understand. the more difficult, the more artistic. that was when it struck me as appropriate for her to be reflexively discussing an idea that represents her: she's an artiste. she's making it as tough to follow her as possible because that increases our exposure to her techne :/

---one of the girls mentioned a vampire smiley in class, and that always reminds me of the life of riley - one of the greatest webcomics i've ever read!

doughnuts waiting for us outside of class, a cup of coffee, and the next class (almost) made up for the first. i'd done the reading during the first (the lady with the dog) and had plenty of opinions and side-notes. even though i broke a genre boundary by bringing in an argument based on frank herbert (RIPASBF*) and robert jordan (RIPAPBF**) that scored me big brownie points with the lecturer. i'm well pleased, even though i probably shouldn't be :D

 * RIPASBF: may he rest in peace and his son burn forever
** RIPAPBF: may he rest in peace and his publisher burn forever

i tried telling the british girl in our class a little johnny joke, but she didn't get it :S

i had a quick, burny lunch with pg and eidetic, then stopped by wr to hear there's a girl looking to help out with anime night - *GLEE*!

i chatted with a couple of guys from our poetry class, then went out to the bus. while waiting, a blind man, his guide dog and a young girl stopped in the centre of the stop to wait for the bus. there were a couple of people right next to the man when, mid-sentence, he let one rip. he carried on as if nothing had happened, and everyone remained still and quiet - except me. i had to get some distance between us, and quickly, when the smell hit: the expression that struck me a short while later was "a guided fart".

i was D-E-D dead tired, and i almost slept on the bus (not a good idea for a short trip). once i'd arrived at work i realized that i was wearing the wrong shirt for the interview i was going to - not everyone appreciates "i wanna **** [princess peach] like an animal".
i got some work done, then rushed home to change to something less offensive.

on the bus, it suddenly struck me why statistics and people who put their faith in them bother me. just as plato's reflections, they seem to have power but are no more than misleading figures. when we use stats... we're facing the wrong direction.

forgetting my military training (har, har) i chose all the wrong buses to the interview, and was a bit late. in retrospect, i should have worn the original shirt. i think the guy was having a laugh at my expense, he was cryptic and had me off-balance from the start. it's not clear if he was impressed or disappointed, and his excessive wordiness afterwards makes me think it's not going to happen.

i went back to work, worked hard and well, then switched with one of the agents and spent the rest of the evening being mindless.

it's now really late, i have readings to do. going to a wedding this evening isn't a good idea. i hope it's not too late to cancel? and dammit, i haven't gotten back to the guy who interviewed me two weeks ago...

a new beginning - part ii

[... continued]

i had quite an interesting chat with kc's mother when i called to wish her a happy birthday - she's a huge fan of india and we both have a lot to say :)

here's where the plans all crumbled. i'd planned on passing by a birthday party, ducking quickly to shower and get dressed then meeting up with pg and going to a friend of hers' birthday party. but then i realized that i work right by singer's place and i promised to help her out with a song that needs reworking...

... if we hadn't argued so much about one line (still unresolved) i might've made it on time to the party. even if i *had* made it on time (without getting a bit lost and having to jump a fence) botchman's bike broke down, throwing quite the spanner in the works. we left a lot later than planned, and i felt really bad about having stood up pg.

but she was surprisingly (okay, not *so* surprisingly) understanding. we sat over a drink, talking until we both passed out.

---waking up in such a beautiful apartment with her was amazing. it really does feel like i'm living someone else's life. it took us forever to get up and get started with the day...

i picked up my pc and discovered, to my great despair, that the primary problem was with the monitor. so i've now sent that in (good thing i couldn't get rid of my old one!) and my system has an additional fan which is good regardless. pg came over to use the internet and she helped me sort out the application for my student card and came with me to send it. we had breakfast at coffeeholic - they've had a bad season and i can see why (the new guys just aren't cutting it) - and said goodbye, then i went home intending to nap.

no chance. yogi met me a short while later and we went back to coffeeholic for coffee and business. i'm very happy with what he had to propose and i hope it comes through. we'll see soon - it would be a very sweet deal for both of us.

i came back, began posting all my tokyo photos, did some quick shopping (although i've been feeling horrible, a bit feverish and my throat's buggered) and came back to post... communicate... and have my apartment boarded by scrapper and botchman. we talked and talked, laughed and laughed, and closed on a serious note regarding the new loyalty declaration law (which i quite agree with).

now i need to nap a bit before deciding whether or not to eat dinner with pg's mum. i'm tired.

bye bye brat

news of the day: i finally had it out with chc, after becoming increasingly irritated by her over the last while. we'd arranged to meet (she really wanted to, i didn't know what was up), i'd explained to her that i was leaving work to meet with her, and she stood me up. i wasn't even impolite... at least i wasn't until she sent me an sms explaining how she was so disappointed and had been looking forward to seeing me - she'd try again today.

i replied with a curt: "don't bother, i'm not giving up money that i need for a maybe - probably not."

"you're being reactional and bratty. why? i've spent the entire day doing for others and haven't had time for myself. i'm not doing this on purpose"

"you see? that was the incorrect response*. i think i've had enough of wonderful chc, the ever-flowing and perfect and better than all of us yet still quite inconsiderate of everyone around her. i'm not used to giving up on people, but i'm sorry, i just don't have time for you anymore - i hope one day you'll understand."

* as usual, the only correct response was silence. she couldn't have known that.

it's just... it's hard to do a quick review and understand just how manipulative and insincere someone has been, and to know that a part of you was aware of it at the time but you still maintained hope. i became suspicious about two weeks ago, but every sentence exchanged and every inappropriate random encounter since she "left" has made her seem less and less trustworthy.

i let her know today when i had my locks changed. i wish i didn't have to throw that money out, but better safe than sorry. she'll finally be coming on friday (apparently, but now that doesn't bother me) to pick up her stuff.

---i began yesterday with a run to secure the poster (50x70) - it came out *beautifully*, and inspired me to consider making a syndicate one as well ^_^
[although i'll wait a bit before shelling out the cash for it - like, say, when i have a real paying job]

i found the visa guys (not the embassy), and sat down with them to fill out the forms and... and not apply, because i'd only brought one passport after they'd explicitly told me that i shouldn't bring the other. i found myself decidedly disappointed by the service.

the hours at work were spent setting up the development environment and failing abysmally. the guy in charge came down to check it out personally, and got even more frustrated than i had...

i returned to meet with scrapper and botchman (our storyteller); we shopped [and i wondered about flirting with women at supermarkets], cooked (not a bad meal, far better than the previous one) and proceeded with a brilliant session that was as awesome and fun as it was painful and complex. the storyline's really clever and our characters kick ass, even when they're getting theirs handed to them in return :)

---i was exhausted, and was actually nodding off during the tail end of the chapter [my character had been knocked unconscious, and i was manifesting that :P]. the guys asked if i was alright, and i could barely manage a response. after sorting scrapper out (he crashed on my couch instead of driving home) and saying goodbye to botchman, i climbed into bed, and lay restless the entire night.

today was simple:

1. get up at 7.50am to hand in my passports for the indian visa application.
2. sit online until i could eat breakfast
3. fail, once again, to put eyedrops in my eye. i wouldn't care much if i could re-try, but that's not a good idea with steroids
4. discover that the excess fee on my stolen camera is just about as much as the camera costs :(
5. shuffle (seriously) to discover that i don't get a free month of medical travel insurance because i got released after age 27. i nodded off in the waiting room because i was feeling so pap - i don't understand why my heart was racing when i walked in the door :S
6. shuffle home, contemplate napping but instead find a locksmith - discussing politics with the locksmith while he works? meh.
7. breakfast and wired. another brilliant month :)
8. slow blade to work, deal with more environmental issues*
9. convince an anti-vac mom to at least read the material** i sent her
10. eat dinner with singer and the cycling girl i bumped into two weekends ago - we've agreed to learn to ride down stairs together :)
11. argue with singer while waiting for her bus, and decide that i probably just shouldn't talk to people. chatting online seems safer. and less loud.

* environmental issues:
infinitely recursive directories
i think i'm finally onto the primary problem - flex builder has some severe inconsistencies with defining a debug environment for any app that needs to run on a web server. i only arrived at that conclusion because i eventually gave up and switched computers, only to find myself facing the same damn problem :S

** there're a number of important things to note, and cool articles to read
wakefield's interests
the war on science
the placebo effect (the conversation turned to alternative healing)

---it's nice to hear sugar man playing from a co-worker's speakers :)

---beautiful: i'm suddenly reminded of justina robson's selling out; it's like a combination of the demon market and spirited away

isn't ted supposed to be about ideas? this dude's dancing is impressive, but i don't get why he's not on "somewhere's got talent"...

back to siesta

i'm after lunch, after laundry and after a good run with the kid on the beach. i'm more surprised at how much more fit i am than he is, as the biggest problem i have with the course i'm doing is that i'm not allowed to run.

i've learned to walk really, really fast (4km in under 26 minutes), but i'm not allowed to run.

last night's dinner was great, we all over-ate as per usual and the meringue was fantastic. the company was really good too.

on the way home i stopped by singer's for a visit, and i ended up sleeping over as i was completely bombed. one thing in particular that i dig about her apartment is that it's perfect for just zoning out while listening to music - i put on nagual sound experiment, and it just doesn't sound as good out of my (relatively) tinny speakers.

on maggots and sunsets

a quick summary:

thursday continued:
1. great sushi as usual.
2. a long walk to ramat aviv (!) to catch the tail end of the orange music festival. seeing that many people jumping up and down to an infected mushroom instrumental was nuts.
3. getting caught in traffic on the way out was more nuts, but not as much as considering going out without sleeping.
4. passing out without going out.

friday:

1. trying to sleep in... unsuccessfully.
2. buying the hat i'd ordered last week at dizengoff center.
3. seeing the print of my design come out beautifully. waiting for the actual print. being surprised by the news that the printer managed to put it on upside down - how professional. they didn't charge me for the correction, but the image has an awkward shadow and i'm not entirely happy with it.
4. the gay pride parade. my arms got burned, my chest and back didn't - and my shirt was off most of the time. i've decided that i'm preparing a shirt and a sign for next year... [front] if i could choose i'd be gay... [back] ... but i can't.
the street party was great fun, ssf's boyfriend's a dick and the beach party was excellent until the concert started.
5. after a shower i took my book to the coffee stand and enjoyed a wonderfully chilled read / iced-coffee and roast-beef salad for about an hour.
6. trying to nap... unsuccessfully.
7. watching the forbidden kingdom with the kid. best intro ever! i'm not including the wire-fu mountain scene, but the rest was absolutely beautiful. brilliant film.
8. meeting up with egg and going to the meimad for a rock party the likes of which i haven't enjoyed in well over a year. i was barely capable of walking home, and after a quick shower i flopped into bed at 6am, completely exhausted.

saturday:

1. waking up at 8.30am, trying to sleep in... unsuccessfully. for anyone who's noticed a pattern, i suffer from insomnia at home. anywhere else i sleep like a baby, most easily when i have something that needs doing.
2. i sat online for a bit, then took a walk so that i could listen to the penny arcade / pvp online d&d 4th edition podcast (here's the second episode). there're quite a few chuckles in there, and i really enjoyed myself :)
3. worms. maggots. millions of them. our flatmate has spot-like habits, specifically leaving a mess of foodstuffs around the couch. so our slimy, squirming little friends spent the afternoon giving us the run-around... and the heebie-jeebies. it took forever to clean the apartment; my room is so dusty i only managed the big, obvious tufts of dust before losing my cool, downing a couple of slugs of tequila and going to the beach with the kid.
4. we met up with gco and a couple of his buddies for a great afternoon in the water and playing frisbee (with a real one, not our dingy bastard), then had sundowners at mike's place. it's the first time i've enjoyed doing that outside of south africa.
5. rushing home to change, deal with a bunch of irate / confused fellow vacationers, and meeting singer on the bus to comfort 13.
6. the concert was for the prevention of animal experimentation, but eatliz (butcher) was playing so i didn't care. the first one-man band was a bit horrible. shlomi shaban was great. amit erez (one of eatliz's guitarists) played - some of it was decent - and then the rest of eatliz came on and were superb as usual.
one of my cousins was there, and would have missed their performance if i hadn't convinced him to stay a little longer - he was suitably impressed :)
7. i need to go to bed.

glorious, neck-twisting sleep

i lay down after publishing my previous post and passed out reading the hebrew comics - i find that reading hebrew makes me sleepier far faster :P

i expected to wake up in time to enjoy the evening, but it was only about 1am when i roused myself, acquired some chocolate and sat down to read news (?) and play around with my guitar.

i can't decide if i should name it "fingernails on chalkboard", or "TIA" because that's the feeling the acronym inspires in me.

i only tired out around 4am, and have been lying awake since 7.30am not wanting to get up, but unable to sleep.

seek irony - singer sent me a link and although the first song on their page didn't impress me the rest were rather good.

battlecorps: aside from news and plucking the guitar i read one of the short stories, and the material is top class. another good link from tycho :)

from io9:

they're making a movie of the men who stare at goats? the kid still calls it "the minister of goats", refusing to read it because he didn't realize that it wasn't trying to convince him that he could read minds.

donald soffritti is a balony-an an artist from bologna whose work includes retired superheroes, like a fat, smoking wonderwoman and an incontinent spiderman.

these are some weird-ass slugs - national geographic has done an exposé on the colourful alienness of these deep sea gastropods.

like suing microsoft as a user

i went out last night to the israeli line, which turned into just another beer with buddies. today went alright, considering the fact that i'm doing the most horrible sideline work i've ever come across.

can i sue a software house for mental anguish? it's an application that requires me to perform minimal actions (generally about two or three) before saving, closing, and reopening to continue. if i don't do this, everything hangs and repairing the files takes a while.

if it worked then the job would take me a day or so. as it is i've already wasted a week just figuring out a work-around for the major issues :(

the food today was disgraceful. our meal consisted of one blood-jelly chicken leg each, and no more.

i worked late, watched an episode of the unit with the kid, received singer's guitar so that i can make my fingers and ears bleed, and then went with her and her cousin to levontin 7. when i discovered it was a jazz orchestra type thing i bailed to play pool with SxS and egg - a good call, as apparently they were simply atrocious.

pool was good, and now i'm late for bed. at least i didn't drink too much tonight :P

the army never actually gets rid of anyone, especially not "academics" who've been invested in... except for the dentist who screwed me up - we all bore witness to her bullshit "the time has come" bawling today - way too early into her career. i'd wish her luck, but that's reserved for her future patients.

wrapped in tentacles

i had dinner with singer, and then passed out until just before midnight. we got a ride with some friends of hers, and fortunately managed to get my buddy (egg) his ticket in spite of the lock-down. there's nothing more annoying than not being allowed out of a club, whatever the reason. somebody actually had to fake a seizure to get past security.

odradek warmed up, and they seriously kicked ass. during the last song the lead sang, and he exuded the 60's beautifully :)

ozric tentacles were brilliant, as expected. all in all, it was a good night, if a little too squished. we were exhausted by the end of the performance, and singer, egg and i had breakfast at the brasserie before walking to bed. i'd left my ipod at singer's so i crashed there, there was no way i'd have had enough energy to make it back home.

i'll admit, it was a bit awkward sleeping over. sleeping with her every now and again is one thing, but there's a line being crossed here that i'm entirely uncomfortable with.

belated post-concert, now post-coccoon

first item: the eatliz performance. i know now that their name means "abattoir". for anyone who's missed my previous impressions, they're an art rock group with simply fantastic ideas. and until wednesday night i hadn't actually noticed how much their songs have tunnelled into my head.

the eerie power of a band that sounds identical live to their studio-recorded album while maintaining such a high level of emotion was simply awesome.

aside from a bunch of new material that we were treated to, they had a jamming session that was surreally synchronized. it was disappointing that the experience had to end, and a bit odd that i was still going to be in bed in time for the following workday.

the club itself is great - it's underground with incredible sound, although the lighting caused the band to prove themselves on a number of occassions when everything went suddenly pitch-black.

upstairs is a bar out of futuristic noir, and they're purists meaning that anyone sitting down in sitting down to drink. they have decent live performances every night, so i'll definitely be visiting there more often.

my thursday morning post-concert wake-up was quite tardy, but i managed to get to base at the usual time in spite of the too-much-guinness-induced cotton wool in my head. unfortunately, for the second day in a row, the guy selling slap chips and i were out of synch, and i had to go without in spite of sNv being exactly what i needed.

after a number of weeks of waiting those of us who ordered finally received unit shirts. after my last experience with long-sleeves i expected them to be comfortable, warm and elastic enough to roll up quickly. the horrid-sleeved shirts we received proved to be quite the opposite, to the point where later on i didn't feel bad using one of them as an impromptu towel.

on the flip side of the release coin for the soldier i mentioned on wednesday, we talked over lunch about the perfect (and perfectly mean) gift. we had such fun with the idea that we couldn't stop laughing, and suddenly one of the mess-hall staff rocked up and asked if we could please stop enjoying ourselves because other people were waiting to be seated.

superb.

i had my hair cut by the new hairdresser, the first female practitioner i've seen in the army. she's not very good although she did me something passable, but i have to admit that it's the first time in years that i wasn't happy about having my hair trimmed. yesterday specifically it was simply splendid, and rather symbolic of a level of freedom that i'm not due for a very long time.

a few of us worked late yesterday, and i discovered that nystire (who's my project's primary resource) has apparently returned to working with me... without informing me. so he managed to waste a workday and the next couple of weeks are going to be rough time-wise anyway. i really expected a little more maturity than that, in spite of his being a right jerk the last while.

i caught the pointy-haired boss for a little chat regarding project limitations, and reminded him again that i'm going to be on holiday in a couple of weeks.
so? that's not a problem.
i'll be in france.
who authorized your taking vacation??
YOU did. and i've been reminding you ever since the deadlines were redefined
can't you defer it a little?

NO. we've been planning this snowboarding trip for ages, you need to book well in advance, and we're NOT deferring it. i'm praying that he now understands that if i say we might experience future difficulty with something that he should probably pay attention instead of giving me the "it'll be fine" line.

the bus i took back home was similar to that scene in invader zim - walk of doom. all the characters come out (or in) when the weather's miserable.

i discovered when i arrived home that my chequebook is invalid. i only ever pay attention to it when rent is due... so i defaulted on the rent payment and will have to get organized on monday. our landlord seemed in good humour about it, but i feel awful about the whole deal.

for almost four hours singer and i sat working on her cv. i wasn't expecting to need more than twenty minutes to finish it up, and we just kept running into problems. i was stressed out and already not feeling too hot, and when she eventually left i just passed clean out.

i wasted an hour or so on moo card designs this morning, and i'm completely unsatisfied with the results.

this morning i was stupidly freezing cold because i childishly couldn't bear wearing anything over my new penny arcade shirt on its first time out. the chilly twenty minute walk to the center, hopping from sunbeam to sunbeam unhelpfully, was an unnecessary mistake. i went to check something out and had brought the wrong thing (i might have a better explanation in a couple of weeks).

i walked into the disc center and bought the two alter bridge discs by quickly greeting the guys but not giving them a chance to talk :)

i frozen-meat-popsicled my way to meet with the kid for a great breakfast, although sitting outdoors after walking cold was not a good idea. after quick shopping, i got into bed and shivered fitfully until just before 6pm. i still have a headache but at least i've managed to turn the external aircon on.

singer introduced me to a band called ozric tentacles (not osric testicles - singer couldn't figure out why i wasn't taking her seriously when she tried to find one of their videos).

i'm trying to decide if i'm going to send fn a message - i haven't spoken to her since last week, and that's unusual for someone i'm sleeping with... unless we're no longer doing the bad thing. i'm a bit ambivalent myself, you see.

my head aches.

*cough*
*HACK*
*spit*

this is how i feel

<rant>
i woke up angry this morning, and i don't know who i'm angry with. i've been dating singer for two months, and it's been good. i haven't found anything wrong with her, i enjoy spending time with her, the sex is fantastic (and wow, it feels like years since i've been able to say that) and she can deal with all my crap. heck, i even like her friends and family!

the problem is that i've become more and more frustrated at my own apathy and lack of enthusiasm. i know that i need to be with someone who gets my heart racing and puts my brain in a different gear, and that's the only thing i don't find in her.

the most pathetic thing in this whine of mine is that the only possible cause for me to feel this way is that aesthetically she's not exactly what i'm looking for, but i think i've mentioned before that at the end of the day i'm a shallow asshole.
</rant>

and now back to the weather. i've actually been walking around with a notebook and pen in civvies to make sure that i haven't lost track of things.



wednesday night:

i slept well, woke up slowly, and came extremely close to missing the bus. i managed to make the shuttle, and when i arrived on base i got straight back to work... however, when my TL came in he rearranged all my priorities and set me to doing a personal review of a project i was involved in in june.

he told me it would take an hour, and it now looks like i might be done halfway through sunday. i've informed him that the second i'm finished i'm going to begin writing a personal review of the reviewing process, because quite frankly it's silly to do something like this so long after the fact, and because i didn't know i'd need to do it before i didn't save any of the information that could have helped me :S

over lunch i got into a really silly conversation with the kinder. soldiers whose parents live far north or south get to leave base early on thursdays and arrive late on sundays, so if my mother lives in south africa why shouldn't i fall into that category? it's really far south. and if i leave on thursday straight to the airport, i can make it to cape town in time for friday night supper and go out on the town with my friends. if i leave cape town just after lunch, i can be back in tel aviv in time to go home, change, and return to base before 10am. good plan, no?

so when i got back into my office i wrote a long and serious request [with a post script requesting assistance with the $1000 per week flight cost], and send it off to the pointy-haired boss. the truth is that as stupid a thing to do as it was, narrative imperative demanded it. if my commander had been feeling particularly cynical he could have sent it up the hierarchy and i could have been in trouble, but instead he responded in the affirmative with a smile :)

during another conversation with the kinder i called him an asshole, to which he responded: "asshole, asshole, at least i don't have any worries"... wow.

i managed to get a ride to the closing ceremony for my previous unit's officer's course, and it was great seeing everyone and watching so many friends being promoted. i also got an opportunity to speak to my first branch commander, and he had some very interesting advice on how to deal with my rank problems.

i got a ride to the bus stop afterwards, during which i shoved the driver's girlfriend forward and told her to keep her head down.
"what are you doing?"
"a large spider just crawled around to your side of the headrest."
*panic attack*
"no, no, it's not a fat spider, just long-legged. i'm sure it'll come back my way."
*looks*
"it's HUGE!"
then the spider spindled its way around, and i gave it a shove with my knee. i don't know if i killed it, but it fell between my legs - i told her it had become my problem, and the rest of the drive was relaxed.

i arrived at mike's place around 7.30pm, and sat for about 40 minutes alone before my team-mates arrived. this time one of the waitresses actually noticed me (really cute girl), so i had a beer in the meanwhile and began scribbling in my notebook.

in charge
the doctor says i'm fine
but i know that something's wrong
my body's broken, my mind's torn
i've been elsewhere far too long

if i can't trust myself
can i trust in you instead?
when everyone's a stranger
can i trust you with my head?

everything's gone quiet
everything's gone numb
everyone's on diet
everyone is dumb

the goblin feast has freed the beast
he stuffs himself till he chokes
alarmed and frantic, he can't stop
he'll keep going till he croaks

did your parents beat you, make you cry,
touch you, scare you, scar you?
did you get them good, gain their respect,
or did their deaths betray you?

the clock will stop
and all will die
the roaches and
the flies on high

but i'll be here
in my comfy chair
marshmallows and pickled things
sharing my mind's lair

if i remain silent
nod my head and clasp my hands
all will be revealed to me
they're tales of faraway lands

of misery
of pain
of cruelty
of shame

i'm the tiny unbeliever
stop telling all those lies
i'm the giant comprehender
confide in me
i will hear your cries

singer arrived, and due to a misunderstanding we all got into a long debate about religion and the need for it, but i was really tired and had had too much to drink (and eat, their club sandwich is a killer) after a long week. eventually we all said goodbye, and singer and i walked to a bar called susu, a funky little place that wasn't too far away.

it was crasher's birthday party, and aside from spot there were a number of uninteresting people there. we stayed for one drink, and then headed back home. what i've described at the beginning of this post was playing strong, and i was contrary and unhappy and argumentative and not at all nice, in addition to being too damn tired to walk and speak at the same time. i was broken.

after saying goodbye to singer in the morning, i went to get passport photos taken on the way to the bank. as i was paying some american immigrant came in looking for a cellphone - never an easy thing to give to a stranger. as it turned out, some ethiopian kid (i'm guessing around 18) got run over by a motorcycle, and not only did the rider flee, but this poor kid walked two full blocks bleeding and incoherent without a single person offering to help.

shocking.

we called an ambulance, tried our best to keep him calm and protect him from other helpful idiots (one in particular who wanted to drag the already traumatized lad into a taxi, and succeeded in making him cry: the only response we'd gotten from him aside from eyeball-rolling until then). i stayed until the paramedics managed to figure out how to get him into the ambulance, and then walked off wondering how i could deal with a situation like that better in the future. this "review" thing's still going, apparently.

i found a decent umbrella for a decent price on my way to the bank, unfortunately that meant carrying it through my missioning which was a pain. the kind of jokes security guards make about brollies as weapons don't really appeal to me.

i passed the same place i bought my wallet a few weeks ago, and went in to discover that they have a white version that's ideal for my needs. i was upset about the fact that i didn't notice it last time, and the owner gave me a discount for the repeat business - he was actually quite satisfied that we're of the same opinion regarding the granny coin-purse and its inappropriateness for anyone with any testosterone in their system.

on the way to get a hole put in so that i could transfer my chain, i walked into a shoe-store claiming a sale with up to 60% off... and walked out with a nice pair of adidas that really was cheap at the price :)

i was almost home when i discovered that for a year we've been living right next door to a gym that looks fairly decent, and we've never noticed it. i think i might be giving it a try, the hours are good, and the price seems fair.

the kid's father gave me a ride to dizengoff center, where i met up with the mongoose and we did some comic shopping. my order (since may) still hasn't arrived, and the bastard shoved a really interesting slaine TPB into my hands. i called him a fucker, he laughed and they raped my new wallet.

every time. i'll never learn :/

the second comic store was boring. we split up, i went to meet up with one of ze germans at a bar that turns into a fashion display every couple of weeks. it was all very awkward, including seeing the austrian girl again and again not recognizing the girl who works there before she recognized me :$

i stopped at coffeeholic for a roast-beef salad, walked my iced-coffee home (i felt the need to treat myself), and it's taken me an hour and a half to clear my mail, facebook, transfer and play with my photos, and write all this down. now i'm off to singer's to share my frustration with her. i don't honestly want to be doing this.

going with the flow

i forgot to mention yesterday that i finally finished reading jon ronson - the men who stare at goats. it's a fascinating, stupifying and highly entertaining read.

i had a really pleasant evening with singer, and i slept well. waking up on time this morning meant a nice, relaxed start to the day, and the day proved to be just as good as promised. aside from lunch, which was horrible. i asked the kitchen staff if the food had to be that disgusting, and they whined at me about budget constraints in response :/

it's taken me long enough, but i figured out a simple way to make my wallet more presentable (read: less girly). i simply removed the granny-style coin purse and slipped the coins loosely into one of the folds.

the really cute welfare officer i met last night sent me an extremely flirtatious email today... hmmm...

i went to donate blood today, and after struggling to fill in the form i was informed that as i've been suffering hayfever and taken sudafed i couldn't participate. i walked away wondering if it was for me or the recipients.
ironically enough, as bad as i'm feeling because of the sinuses and throat, this is the best i've felt physically in over three years!

i got home in time to see an old woman having what i assumed was a heart-attack. her friends were supporting her, drawing vomit out of her mouth with their hands while speaking urgently in russian. i managed to upset them by asking if they needed any help, and then i felt bad for not staying after they shooed me away.

in about half an hour the new flatmate's arriving to sign the contract, and as i've pretty much been waiting since i got in i've spent way too long on the computer. too much facebook, for sure.

much improved

the rest of the afternoon was spent learning pthreads, and through the learning process i inadvertently finished that stage of the project :) [it was really nice to see it all working]

when i realized how late it was, i walked to singer's. her brother arrived a little earlier than expected, so i unhappily tossed half a cup of coffee. shameful waste, that.

it was a splendid evening, really nice with good food and i quite like her family. and in explaining tic tac toe to singer i figured out the exact rules for the game AI ^_^

when we got back we decided to nap for a while, and didn't wake up on time... i was startled awake at 1.15am and rushed to dress. spot was almost at the meimad when i called him, he hadn't thought to get in touch, and he'd let the kid go to bed (after we've been talking about this party for the last week).

i'm really disappointed with spot. as a friend. he's incapable of thinking about anybody but himself, and as such has just removed himself from the pool of people that i consider friends. i can't stand people like that. i can't believe it's taken me this long to realize that about him.

fuck him.

singer and i took a taxi to the club, and it was a great party. we walked back here (her place) with wr, which was great fun. we're both a bit sore, though - i'm just waiting for the shower to become available and then it's sack-hitting time.

songs that stood out for me tonight (that i managed to find, at least):
enter shikari - sorry you're not a winner
lamb of god - red neck
audioslave - show me how to live

i prefer mickey d's

i HATE macdonald's, but it's certainly a far sight better than the excuse for a hamburger that rocked up on my plate last night at shdera.

the place is exceptionally noisy, and reinforces, repeatedly, the knowledge that there is NEVER an excuse to clap your hands unless you're showing appreciation for a performance.
and we weren't given the choice of not being treated, for lengthy periods of time, to a great view of some major male plumber's butt.

quite frankly, it was horrible.

i passed out immediately when we got to singer's, and this morning's wake-up involved le gufre waffles and a stop by the post-office to pick up a box of *ahem* shabby *ahem* treats from the zionist federation. it's sweet, but nothing is going to wash out the taste in my mouth that's left over from last year. ever.

now i've done some shopping, and we've switched to (should've done this ages ago) personal possession. no more shared shopping. my note for the fridge:

BON APPETIT!

• IF YOU DIDN'T BUY IT, YOU DON'T CONSUME IT. NO CHECKING, TESTING, OPENING, SMELLING, TASTING OR SWALLOWING
• "I'LL REPLACE IT LATER" DOES NOT WORK. IF IT'S NOT YOURS, THEN FOR YOU IT DOESN'T EXIST. TAKING ANYWAY IS THEFT^*

- FOR FRIENDS OF FLATMATES: IF YOU ARE TOTALLY HIGH AND HAVE CRAZY MUNCHIES, CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU'VE JUST WON AN ADVENTURE TO THE LOCAL KIOSK. LUCKILY FOR YOU, THIS IS TEL AVIV SO THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING OPEN.

• HAVE A GREAT FUCKING DAY

^* NO, I DON'T WANT TO GET A FOOD PARCEL IN TWO WEEKS' TIME. I BOUGHT THE FOOD SO I COULD HAVE IT NOW.

P.S. FOOD BOUGHT TOGETHER IS EXEMPT FROM THESE RULES.

amazing how spot gave me a whole bullshit story about why he couldn't go shopping, but the second he couldn't have my food he went out to the supermarket. asshole.

pre-fallout

quick post, i've definitely run into overtime...

singer and i went out for coffee last night, and i stayed at her place to be closer to the bus station. i managed to miss the damn shuttle anyway, but fortunately one of the guys from my section was coming past and he picked me up.

i was still locked out of my system for a while when i got into work, and when i finally got back in i discovered that i had five minutes to get to the doctor... i got there in time, had an easy chat with the guy, and walked out with the hospital referral i needed.

[there's a story about teabags that i feel needs telling.]

after extended mail checking we went for lunch, and i got back and found some actual work to do.

we cleaned our section, with a 90-week brainfuck that i feel needs explaining.

i took the ramat gan shuttle again, ran into a couple of guys from my old base, and then walked through azrieli looking for inspiration for the kid's farewell gift.

i just got back from singer's place, completely wasted, after an exhausting evening watching the wonder years. and then passing out to a perfect circle.

last morning before the vacation! and the kid has done his last day in the army. i'm gosh-darn proud of him for having gotten it behind him the right way.

frustration - over.

i got a long way through the fifth harry potter book, but there's plenty left for next time. it sucked having to leave the kibbutz... i was just getting comfortable. i want to go back again soon.

i met a sweet girl from uruguay while waiting for the bus, and the rides through to tel aviv weren't too much of a problem. i dropped off my bag at singer's, went home to pick up my charger, had a fight with the kid about laundry, and in a bad temper returned to singer's.

we watched the fifth element, and i slept over. this morning i made the shuttle easily, but the day did not go well.

i have sod-all to do. i'm actually going to have to come up with something to make tomorrow productive. after going through everything i could, and then sitting in an entertaining design meeting, i got locked out of my system and could no longer even pretend to work, so i spent the rest of the day working on a tic-tac-toe algorithm that's a reasonable emulation of a human being.

nystire and i caught a ride to petach tikve, from there we split up and i bussed to singer's, where i had just enough time for a cup of coffee before rushing home to meet up with a friend to work on his project. we had an amusing run-in with spot on the way, and ended up shopping, but after we'd eaten we sat down and cleared everything up in no time. we comfortably have until thursday to finish typing it all (and i have to learn how threading works in linux c, never done that before. i was convinced it was all simple forking.), so we're all good :)

now that i feel like i've accomplished something today, i'm going to try and have some fun, too.