hyperviper is down

 "the faster the harder the louder the darker the better"

this time it *is* too dark, hyperviper, RIP. your stories will live on as legends (and, often, warnings to our children) and while i believe they're going to let you in upstairs, there're going to be some angels hiding behind the furniture when they do.

...

i haven't heard from hyperviper in a few months, the last real conversation i had with him was after a close friend of his passed away young. i'm still stunned by his passing this morning.

...

i don't understand how it's been an entire week with no posting, when it's been a really crazy week. oh, wait - i do have a suspicion about why i haven't posted. this week's story started on sunday morning. i dropped mr smear off at school, and then accompanied gd to the ER. well, to a weird barrier about 50 feet from the ER entrance. the hospital's waiting list for doing an allergy "challenge" is half a year and they won't do one for cannabis, so we followed our doc's unofficial instructions and administered it ourselves.

gd took a puff. i opened my laptop, trying to be productive. a couple of minutes passed, gd wasn't feeling anything and wanted to take another puff. i suggested she wait a few more minutes.

now, i don't know how long she actually waited, but she took another puff and then suddenly realized that she needed to sit down on a bench. we made it about five steps before she fell over (fortunately i managed to catch her). we tried again, didn't get very far. then a kind english-speaking religious man darted over to help us, and helped me get her onto the bench.

i tried to get her to lie down. at this point her eyes rolled in the back of her head, and her entire body was locked like when someone gets knocked out brutally in a fight. the kind man kept repeating that we needed an ambulance. then he suggested using a taxi. there was a taxi just pulling out of the bus stop we were at, and i flagged him down. we managed to get gd into the cab and the cab driver drove us through the barrier and dropped us off at the ER.

i've never had to find a wheelchair and wheel my wife around before, i had to work to prevent her from falling out of it.

triage. i knew i had to tell them the truth from the get-go. it was awkward, though.

blood tests. it's hard taking blood from someone who can't control their own body.

an ER ward bed.

gd was shaking, she could barely control her limbs. we (mostly i) told and retold the details to the various doctors and nurses in turns. they did an electrocardiogram.

gd started having a panic attack. while they went looking for an ativan, she managed to breathe herself out of it.

slowly, she began to feel better. slowly, we began to realize that it was entirely possible that we had rushed her to the ER because she was just really... REALLY stoned.

there was no anaphylaxis. there was no stroke or paralysis. gd was just fine, and much more sensitive to medical-grade cannabis than we could have expected.

...

it took forever to get out of there. we cabbed back home and i spent most of the day working where i could keep an eye on gd, checking every now and again that she was still breathing.

so... it's school holidays. most of this week, gd's been at home. i worked from home the first couple of days, from the office the rest. gd's been taking the occasional puff with the windows open, which is fine, but that last-one-before-bed puff after mr smear's been put to bed and it's too cold to leave the windows open? most nights this week i've gone to bed early feeling a bit stoned.

and i've been sleeping much better than i have in ages.

...

on sunday night, netanyahu fired gallant and our entire country erupted. on monday, he pulled back and postponed the judicial reform until after the passover holidays. so the story's not over, but everything feels calmer now and it's a huge relief. one sad thing in particular on monday morning sparked optimism, and that was the crestfallen face of one of my coworkers who's been a staunch bibi supporter until the firing. if he can see the cracks in bibi's facade, there's hope for our country yet.

to all the protestors: i'm very grateful to be proven wrong. even if it's only temporary, it's a real relief that the judicial reform has been put on hold for pesach.

it's just as big a relief that netanyahu has played his cards so brazenly that even his supporters are beginning to see through the cracks that he's willing to burn everything and everyone in pursuit of power and his will to stay out of prison.

bibi's not interested in the well-being of our nation or our country. he never has been.

i find it intriguing that he's been forced to capitulate to ben gvir, who's very quickly demonstrated both how power-hungry he is and how politically naive he is.

i just want to take this opportunity to say that this is precisely what's wrong with coalition governments. a coalition government is a group of political parties that, individually, did not get enough votes to rule, but that are now in a position to rule us anyway and can get away with pretty much whatever they want.

that's not very democratic. and it doesn't matter if it's a right-wing coalition or a left-wing one.

...

on sunday night we had the final round of my script. it was complicated, but ultimately successful.

on monday evening i had the weekly meeting with my boss. it began with an unpleasant surprise - he had accidentally tagged our CTO when asking if i was ready for the meeting, and i was suddenly sure that i was about to be let go... i had mentioned that i wanted to take a long weekend in lieu of the two fridays that i'd had to give up, and things got awkward. maybe it was just me. i hope it was just me. either way, there's no compensation for time during a crisis in a startup, and i guess i wasn't really expecting there to be. and he made a good point that nobody's watching the clock anyway. and that i'm just about to mark a full year with the company, at which point my options will vest, and then it'll be "my" company too. i explained (truthfully) that i wanted the company to succeed regardless. i remembered how grateful i am to have a job that i (mostly) enjoy, with people that i like. it was good motivation.

the rest of the week was a bit weird. i guess it's not even over yet. we've had a couple of surprising new issues with our ci/cd pipelines (which i'm responsible for), and we've been having trouble with costs. every time i fix one broken thing i discovered another, and it's been a long week trying to catch each falling domino before it hits another one...

...

mr smear has been generally cool and calm this week. we had an interesting breakthrough yesterday, as i waited with him outside the school for the gates to open. he opened up to me about a dynamic between him and a couple of the kids in his class that's really toxic, and he appears to have actually taken my advice. a part of the advice was "letting us in" and telling me and gd about what happens at school so that we can help him when he's struggling, and when i got home from the office in the evening he did just that. it looks like my advice helped him get out of a situation with the slow kid who harasses him a lot, and i'm hoping that this week's lesson will stick!

...

last night i watched bert kreischer: razzle dazzle, and it was hilarious. i convinced gd to watch it this morning, and she enjoyed it too. last night we watched most of hey big boy, and it's great in spite of my being familiar with some of the material.

i ditched work early this afternoon to grab a coffee with spot and his wife and "smaller" child. the kid's two and a half and bigger than an average four year old! it was a fun coffee, and getting a ride home was an amusing little adventure.

we're slowly making our way through season 5 of adventure time. mr smear is loving the bfg. we gave up on danny the champion of the world because as brilliant as i remember the book being, both mr smear and myself are uncomfortable with the heroics involving killing animals even if that's not really the point of the story... this week mr smear showed me a little booklet that he made, more of a pamphlet trying to convince others to not eat animals. it's evident that he's trying to be encouraging rather than forceful, which is heartwarming.

it's not stupid! it's...

[this posting backed by sundance - psymorocco]

today was my first lesson in advanced boxing. for the first time i understood what our instructor meant by "you need to relax": it's not my shoulders, it's that "every jab you throw is set to 'destroy', you can't throw knockout strikes every shot".

... or can i?
}:D

damn, i'm now so pleased with myself that i can't decide if i should listen to him or not, and i'm *pretty* sure he knows better than me.

...

oh, the second handle of my cheap skipping rope broke today. each time it gets a little shorter, so the first break made it perfect and now... i don't know how i feel about it. but i do think that my footwork and rhythm are getting on track.

---i always thought it was a cape town thing:
"what do you call great weather after two lousy days?"
"monday."

well, turns out it's a montreal thing as well - today was absolutely stunning, warm but not sticky with the sun shining and the birds singing.

---the day began with a disturbance in the force: ceh was unimpressed with his mandate and megaman was equally unimpressed with ceh's strategy. these two are old friends, and about halfway through i recognized their professional relationship being similar to that of mine and spot's. megaman's giving the guy a break, the guy's smart but out of sync with his role, and for a moment i almost saw sparks flying. i felt super-weird getting involved, and almost made a joke along the lines of "now, now, children", but instead took an arbitration position and managed to get everyone playing the same game.

i was very proud of myself just then. we actually managed to take something positive out of the bad, i snuck in a little of my agenda at the same time (which is kind of in line with what ceh wants) and megaman was satisfied.

...

later on i'd get megaman and the cfo considering investing in a decent videoconferencing setup instead of having employees / executives flying regularly between offices. it's 2013 already, you know? just saying.

---i spent most of my morning resolving issues with our recent ip change and trying to figure out why godaddy never stops sucking. the first support agent i spoke to was a moron, the second was sweet but essentially blew me off. i hope her advice was on point.

the best part of dealing with them? prior to being put on hold while waiting for an agent, an option to not hear muzak was offered. good show!

---i spoke to the laser clinic and they've assured me that it's only one eye and that they know which one it is. so it looks like we're on for thursday!

i didn't get to take lunch until 2pm, and never had a chance to drink my morning coffee either. this was fine, great even, until about 3pm when i suddenly developed a withdrawal headache :(

i'm intrigued that nystire's considering the possibility of working in montreal. i don't see how he could possibly go wrong doing that, but then we've never seen eye-to-eye when it comes to making big life decisions :P

a friend of a friend sent me his resume to pass on for an opening we have. i sent it back and told him he needs to run it through a spell-check. wtf?! do people really not realize that these things matter when you're trying to make a good impression? i suppose spelling errors are better than wrong-word-chosen-by-spell-check errors, though. i've seen some funny ones lately.

i was exhausted by the time i got on the metro home, so much so that i could barely stand. what a pleasure to walk into a clean apartment (the cleaning lady's leaving the country this week for a month), quaff an energy drink and head out to boxing!

...

it's been a very relaxed and unproductive evening. i think i'm ready to go to bed early again. i have dreams to catch up on.

this is how i feel

<rant>
i woke up angry this morning, and i don't know who i'm angry with. i've been dating singer for two months, and it's been good. i haven't found anything wrong with her, i enjoy spending time with her, the sex is fantastic (and wow, it feels like years since i've been able to say that) and she can deal with all my crap. heck, i even like her friends and family!

the problem is that i've become more and more frustrated at my own apathy and lack of enthusiasm. i know that i need to be with someone who gets my heart racing and puts my brain in a different gear, and that's the only thing i don't find in her.

the most pathetic thing in this whine of mine is that the only possible cause for me to feel this way is that aesthetically she's not exactly what i'm looking for, but i think i've mentioned before that at the end of the day i'm a shallow asshole.
</rant>

and now back to the weather. i've actually been walking around with a notebook and pen in civvies to make sure that i haven't lost track of things.



wednesday night:

i slept well, woke up slowly, and came extremely close to missing the bus. i managed to make the shuttle, and when i arrived on base i got straight back to work... however, when my TL came in he rearranged all my priorities and set me to doing a personal review of a project i was involved in in june.

he told me it would take an hour, and it now looks like i might be done halfway through sunday. i've informed him that the second i'm finished i'm going to begin writing a personal review of the reviewing process, because quite frankly it's silly to do something like this so long after the fact, and because i didn't know i'd need to do it before i didn't save any of the information that could have helped me :S

over lunch i got into a really silly conversation with the kinder. soldiers whose parents live far north or south get to leave base early on thursdays and arrive late on sundays, so if my mother lives in south africa why shouldn't i fall into that category? it's really far south. and if i leave on thursday straight to the airport, i can make it to cape town in time for friday night supper and go out on the town with my friends. if i leave cape town just after lunch, i can be back in tel aviv in time to go home, change, and return to base before 10am. good plan, no?

so when i got back into my office i wrote a long and serious request [with a post script requesting assistance with the $1000 per week flight cost], and send it off to the pointy-haired boss. the truth is that as stupid a thing to do as it was, narrative imperative demanded it. if my commander had been feeling particularly cynical he could have sent it up the hierarchy and i could have been in trouble, but instead he responded in the affirmative with a smile :)

during another conversation with the kinder i called him an asshole, to which he responded: "asshole, asshole, at least i don't have any worries"... wow.

i managed to get a ride to the closing ceremony for my previous unit's officer's course, and it was great seeing everyone and watching so many friends being promoted. i also got an opportunity to speak to my first branch commander, and he had some very interesting advice on how to deal with my rank problems.

i got a ride to the bus stop afterwards, during which i shoved the driver's girlfriend forward and told her to keep her head down.
"what are you doing?"
"a large spider just crawled around to your side of the headrest."
*panic attack*
"no, no, it's not a fat spider, just long-legged. i'm sure it'll come back my way."
*looks*
"it's HUGE!"
then the spider spindled its way around, and i gave it a shove with my knee. i don't know if i killed it, but it fell between my legs - i told her it had become my problem, and the rest of the drive was relaxed.

i arrived at mike's place around 7.30pm, and sat for about 40 minutes alone before my team-mates arrived. this time one of the waitresses actually noticed me (really cute girl), so i had a beer in the meanwhile and began scribbling in my notebook.

in charge
the doctor says i'm fine
but i know that something's wrong
my body's broken, my mind's torn
i've been elsewhere far too long

if i can't trust myself
can i trust in you instead?
when everyone's a stranger
can i trust you with my head?

everything's gone quiet
everything's gone numb
everyone's on diet
everyone is dumb

the goblin feast has freed the beast
he stuffs himself till he chokes
alarmed and frantic, he can't stop
he'll keep going till he croaks

did your parents beat you, make you cry,
touch you, scare you, scar you?
did you get them good, gain their respect,
or did their deaths betray you?

the clock will stop
and all will die
the roaches and
the flies on high

but i'll be here
in my comfy chair
marshmallows and pickled things
sharing my mind's lair

if i remain silent
nod my head and clasp my hands
all will be revealed to me
they're tales of faraway lands

of misery
of pain
of cruelty
of shame

i'm the tiny unbeliever
stop telling all those lies
i'm the giant comprehender
confide in me
i will hear your cries

singer arrived, and due to a misunderstanding we all got into a long debate about religion and the need for it, but i was really tired and had had too much to drink (and eat, their club sandwich is a killer) after a long week. eventually we all said goodbye, and singer and i walked to a bar called susu, a funky little place that wasn't too far away.

it was crasher's birthday party, and aside from spot there were a number of uninteresting people there. we stayed for one drink, and then headed back home. what i've described at the beginning of this post was playing strong, and i was contrary and unhappy and argumentative and not at all nice, in addition to being too damn tired to walk and speak at the same time. i was broken.

after saying goodbye to singer in the morning, i went to get passport photos taken on the way to the bank. as i was paying some american immigrant came in looking for a cellphone - never an easy thing to give to a stranger. as it turned out, some ethiopian kid (i'm guessing around 18) got run over by a motorcycle, and not only did the rider flee, but this poor kid walked two full blocks bleeding and incoherent without a single person offering to help.

shocking.

we called an ambulance, tried our best to keep him calm and protect him from other helpful idiots (one in particular who wanted to drag the already traumatized lad into a taxi, and succeeded in making him cry: the only response we'd gotten from him aside from eyeball-rolling until then). i stayed until the paramedics managed to figure out how to get him into the ambulance, and then walked off wondering how i could deal with a situation like that better in the future. this "review" thing's still going, apparently.

i found a decent umbrella for a decent price on my way to the bank, unfortunately that meant carrying it through my missioning which was a pain. the kind of jokes security guards make about brollies as weapons don't really appeal to me.

i passed the same place i bought my wallet a few weeks ago, and went in to discover that they have a white version that's ideal for my needs. i was upset about the fact that i didn't notice it last time, and the owner gave me a discount for the repeat business - he was actually quite satisfied that we're of the same opinion regarding the granny coin-purse and its inappropriateness for anyone with any testosterone in their system.

on the way to get a hole put in so that i could transfer my chain, i walked into a shoe-store claiming a sale with up to 60% off... and walked out with a nice pair of adidas that really was cheap at the price :)

i was almost home when i discovered that for a year we've been living right next door to a gym that looks fairly decent, and we've never noticed it. i think i might be giving it a try, the hours are good, and the price seems fair.

the kid's father gave me a ride to dizengoff center, where i met up with the mongoose and we did some comic shopping. my order (since may) still hasn't arrived, and the bastard shoved a really interesting slaine TPB into my hands. i called him a fucker, he laughed and they raped my new wallet.

every time. i'll never learn :/

the second comic store was boring. we split up, i went to meet up with one of ze germans at a bar that turns into a fashion display every couple of weeks. it was all very awkward, including seeing the austrian girl again and again not recognizing the girl who works there before she recognized me :$

i stopped at coffeeholic for a roast-beef salad, walked my iced-coffee home (i felt the need to treat myself), and it's taken me an hour and a half to clear my mail, facebook, transfer and play with my photos, and write all this down. now i'm off to singer's to share my frustration with her. i don't honestly want to be doing this.

unpleasant vindication

i'm blown away. stunned. shocked. kinda hurt. isn't vindication supposed to be a good feeling?

just over a month ago we had an apartment conversation [25th august], which was incredibly unpleasant. i was told i needed to "compromise" (meaning live in a pigsty and do all the chores without complaining), and was made out by spot to be the bad guy.

it turns out that spot had already been fired before that conversation, and has been lying to us non-stop since. so not only has he been unpleasant, unhelpful and smelly (to the point where people won't enter our apartment unless we promise that his door's been closed a while), but he also hasn't been working and we only have another week before rent is due.

and don't think that he's been scrimping the last while. oh no. he's been going out a lot, hasn't had any time to do the laundry or dishes, and has spent wads of cash on poker nights. i'm sorry, i just don't understand.

and how did we discover that spot's been fired? happenstance. not out of spot's mouth. so in addition to us being upset about him lying all the time about the stupid stuff, there was this whopper waiting in the sidelines.

i have a headache.

much improved

the rest of the afternoon was spent learning pthreads, and through the learning process i inadvertently finished that stage of the project :) [it was really nice to see it all working]

when i realized how late it was, i walked to singer's. her brother arrived a little earlier than expected, so i unhappily tossed half a cup of coffee. shameful waste, that.

it was a splendid evening, really nice with good food and i quite like her family. and in explaining tic tac toe to singer i figured out the exact rules for the game AI ^_^

when we got back we decided to nap for a while, and didn't wake up on time... i was startled awake at 1.15am and rushed to dress. spot was almost at the meimad when i called him, he hadn't thought to get in touch, and he'd let the kid go to bed (after we've been talking about this party for the last week).

i'm really disappointed with spot. as a friend. he's incapable of thinking about anybody but himself, and as such has just removed himself from the pool of people that i consider friends. i can't stand people like that. i can't believe it's taken me this long to realize that about him.

fuck him.

singer and i took a taxi to the club, and it was a great party. we walked back here (her place) with wr, which was great fun. we're both a bit sore, though - i'm just waiting for the shower to become available and then it's sack-hitting time.

songs that stood out for me tonight (that i managed to find, at least):
enter shikari - sorry you're not a winner
lamb of god - red neck
audioslave - show me how to live

i prefer mickey d's

i HATE macdonald's, but it's certainly a far sight better than the excuse for a hamburger that rocked up on my plate last night at shdera.

the place is exceptionally noisy, and reinforces, repeatedly, the knowledge that there is NEVER an excuse to clap your hands unless you're showing appreciation for a performance.
and we weren't given the choice of not being treated, for lengthy periods of time, to a great view of some major male plumber's butt.

quite frankly, it was horrible.

i passed out immediately when we got to singer's, and this morning's wake-up involved le gufre waffles and a stop by the post-office to pick up a box of *ahem* shabby *ahem* treats from the zionist federation. it's sweet, but nothing is going to wash out the taste in my mouth that's left over from last year. ever.

now i've done some shopping, and we've switched to (should've done this ages ago) personal possession. no more shared shopping. my note for the fridge:

BON APPETIT!

• IF YOU DIDN'T BUY IT, YOU DON'T CONSUME IT. NO CHECKING, TESTING, OPENING, SMELLING, TASTING OR SWALLOWING
• "I'LL REPLACE IT LATER" DOES NOT WORK. IF IT'S NOT YOURS, THEN FOR YOU IT DOESN'T EXIST. TAKING ANYWAY IS THEFT^*

- FOR FRIENDS OF FLATMATES: IF YOU ARE TOTALLY HIGH AND HAVE CRAZY MUNCHIES, CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU'VE JUST WON AN ADVENTURE TO THE LOCAL KIOSK. LUCKILY FOR YOU, THIS IS TEL AVIV SO THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING OPEN.

• HAVE A GREAT FUCKING DAY

^* NO, I DON'T WANT TO GET A FOOD PARCEL IN TWO WEEKS' TIME. I BOUGHT THE FOOD SO I COULD HAVE IT NOW.

P.S. FOOD BOUGHT TOGETHER IS EXEMPT FROM THESE RULES.

amazing how spot gave me a whole bullshit story about why he couldn't go shopping, but the second he couldn't have my food he went out to the supermarket. asshole.

toast rescue

frustration - over.

i got a long way through the fifth harry potter book, but there's plenty left for next time. it sucked having to leave the kibbutz... i was just getting comfortable. i want to go back again soon.

i met a sweet girl from uruguay while waiting for the bus, and the rides through to tel aviv weren't too much of a problem. i dropped off my bag at singer's, went home to pick up my charger, had a fight with the kid about laundry, and in a bad temper returned to singer's.

we watched the fifth element, and i slept over. this morning i made the shuttle easily, but the day did not go well.

i have sod-all to do. i'm actually going to have to come up with something to make tomorrow productive. after going through everything i could, and then sitting in an entertaining design meeting, i got locked out of my system and could no longer even pretend to work, so i spent the rest of the day working on a tic-tac-toe algorithm that's a reasonable emulation of a human being.

nystire and i caught a ride to petach tikve, from there we split up and i bussed to singer's, where i had just enough time for a cup of coffee before rushing home to meet up with a friend to work on his project. we had an amusing run-in with spot on the way, and ended up shopping, but after we'd eaten we sat down and cleared everything up in no time. we comfortably have until thursday to finish typing it all (and i have to learn how threading works in linux c, never done that before. i was convinced it was all simple forking.), so we're all good :)

now that i feel like i've accomplished something today, i'm going to try and have some fun, too.

beginning on the bench

csn called me up to join her for a cigarette downstairs, and i found her and her friend (darksmile) lounging on the bench. her friend was massaging me, i was lying with her between my legs, and aside from a lot of sensual humour and flirtatious silliness, we spent a long while freaking out passers-by and occasionally drawing them into whatever ridiculous discussion was going on.

suddenly spot appeared, and i had to rush upstairs to put some clothes on [more respectable clothes, that is] - we went with a couple of friends to the cocktail room, where spot's sister's friend pitched up with someone else from her hostel (a french engineering student who doubles as a tobey maguire lookalike). we had a really nice evening, although i was exhausted before we got there - and hadn't eaten anything all day, and i got home around 2am completely incompetent and incoherent.

horrible early wake-up this morning, and unpleasant waking up the others. spot and i bought a shower-head and then wasted forty minutes walking around looking for the right bus stop because he hadn't read the bus route correctly. we quickly found the place we were looking for in jaffa - but they didn't have beach umbrellas either. we bought a couple of things for the apartment, then crossed the road to yet another place which had to have stock.

nothing doing. i was upset. the guy working there got totally offended because he thought i was pissed off at him. spot was pissed off because every mission for the last month has resulted in abysmal failure. i couldn't even obtain one at the damn petrol station.

we returned essentially empty-handed, hot, sweaty and tired. we bought meat at the butcher's (great place), i bought two new books that look highly amusing (jon ronson - the men who stare at goats and jennifer rardin - once bitten, twice shy), and then the kid joined us and we went to benedict's for breakfast.

good thing we'd brought something to read (well, me and the kid anyway), because we had a long wait to get inside. a friend of spot's joined us, and we sat down for a great breakfast. we all ordered english, and as satisfying as it was spot and i were disappointed because the portions are way smaller than they were last time.

on the way home i got ice-cream - whiskey, bitter chocolate, espresso and white chocolate with cardimon all mixed up. fantastic ^_^

our new shower configuration rocks, the kid and i made a cute hex-editor style file reader, i'm figuring out gimp things (yes, the above is an example) and karl schroeder - lady of mazes has kept me occupied. now i need to nap because it looks like i'm going up north tonight, on condition that i dress up as an orange ninja again.

wisdom and padding feet

these are jack's lungs. jack's lungs are fully buttered and abused.

to run backwards through the events of the past 24 hours:

just bussed back home and showered, after really good iced-coffee at hdg's. i'm chewing gum that i grabbed earlier from a girl at the flame bar offering to her friend.

this was after sitting with her friend (my "date", as it were - bd) while she closed up shop, after the two of us had met up at the flame bar around 4.30.

until then i'd been sitting with spot, wr and ta2 at the cocktail room, listening to the second dj playing an incredibly eclectic selection of oldies interspersed with hip-hop, to which one of the sexier girls had removed her shoes and begun dancing in a fashion that could be described as vastly sexy and slightly adorable.

we'd come in from the flame bar, where i was visiting rockon and meeting a girl who turned out to be friendly with people from the programme i was on in '98, in addition to her cute friends. the kid left us about halfway through our visit.

the flame bar was our second stop, the cocktail room being the first.

between the two we said goodbye to spot's sister and friend after organizing freshly squeezed fruit-juice that didn't merely hit the spot, it impacted causing it to explode into a million pieces. we were all too full from such a large quantity of liquid to move, let alone drink some more.

it's great having ta2 back, we let him know just how bad his replacement was and did a bit of socializing before heading out again to continue with the "white night" deal.

i haven't mentioned how much drinking and smoking was being done for a reason.

we walked down rothschild, viewing all the strange people and shows (and ogling all the pretty girls), and lost csn and her friends just before we turned off the road.

we stopped by the hdg's work to eat, and the hot dog i took damn-near killed me. it was way too much food after the run.

spot's sister proved to be just as clumsy as spot, after spot proved incapable of opening beer-bottles gracefully.

we walked from our building to king george as soon as the kid got home. i'd just showered after getting home from the run, and i'd gotten home disgusting. i believe (i haven't got access to the results) i managed the 5km run in half an hour, even though i'm sure that i walked about half a click when i began to feel dizzy. i'm still proud of myself for managing relatively comfortably without any training and having been feeling sick and stuffy for the last couple of days (especially this morning).

my primary mistake was trying to keep pace with a friend of mine who's obviously been working on this run. the first kilometre was fine, but after that my body began drifting and squealing and i had to slow down.

i started the race with kc's sister and a couple of friends from university, after having been abandoned by my team-mate and missing the start for the 10km race which i'd signed up for. huh, that would've made for an amusing story.

tahoma and i spent some time with spot in our neighbour's apartment, after putting on our spanky new shirts in ours. we'd walked there after registration, and i found out at the end of the race that we'd actually had a choice of shirts, and because they didn't tell us we got given the "regular" ones and not the unit ones. and the unit ones were nice.

i'd run into him while registering, which i got to on time after changing post-cafeneto, where i'd eaten a serious meal to prepare for the exercise (you're supposed to eat about two hours before). spot joined me and we chatted about NM.

everyone passed out on the shuttle to tel aviv, one of the guys actually missed his stop and i had to direct him back - it sucks when that happens.

by the end of the day i was using the tool i'd written, and i'm an extremely satisfied user. especially because all of the current problems reside with the application the tool is meant to test, so nystire and i are in the clear.

i spent the whole day (that i was on base, at least) working on the tool and feeling wasted from the lack of oxygen and possible throat / chest infection i'm nursing. in the meeting that i missed in the morning the tool had received extremely high praise - i think that praise is even more deserved now that the "about" dialog box contains an easter-egg displaying a picture of the dick who wrote the first version in a pink dress, clapping his hands with a silly look on his face and captioned (by me) "good job".

i arrived late to base, had a really good chicken-breast and eggplant-spread roll for brunch. at 6am i'd set my alarm for 6.15, and all i remember is waking up unhappily around 9pm. and fighting with a bus driver over the amount of time that a vehicle with an official frequency of 20 minutes should not exceed.

like a minute.

back to the present: i'm completely bombed and my body aches tremendously.

plumbing problems

that's how the day began :/
spot just fixed our shower with a plunger, though, and i'm well impressed.

the rest of the problems concerned me spilling black coffee all over myself...

twice.

that was just shameful. and i spilled in all sorts of strategic places.

i was late this morning, and considering that i began typing this at 1.30 after having had a beer too many i'll be late tomorrow again. at least i'm pretty much done with the work for the week. after a mad rush when i got in, nystire and i managed to have a presentation version on time, and by the end of the day i had pretty much all the bugs panel-beaten out.

and i made it stylish ^_^

so that took us a total of two days, as opposed to months that that idiot spent providing us with useless trash.

i went with nystire to azrieli, and then with him to meet his brother on our original primary base. we split up on the way out, after arguing over the word "mediocrity" (they were convinced that the word was "mediocracy", i tried to explain that that's something else), and i walked in the searing, sticky heat (goddamn AWFUL) to dizengoff, where i bought myself a huge, hard pillow and the first album from fools of the prophecy (shotei ha'nevua), then waited half an hour for the cramped bus home.

i would've made it faster walking, but it was too hot and the shop next to the stop had its doors open with the aircon blowing out full blast. very conservation-aware.

i spoke to j-girl, who's apparently serious about coming here this weekend, then hurriedly change, grabbed a pillow and walked to rabin square.

the pillow fight was intense, and great exercise for tomorrow evening's 10km race. the girl whose number i got the other night (hot-dog girl, hdg), her boyfriend and another friend came to join in the fun, and after we'd all beaten each other up (all soaked and wasted) we went back to my place so that i could shower, and then to her and her boyfriend's place.

stunning apartment.

we sat chatting for a while, then met up with hdg's boyfriend's super-cute and awesome sister and another friend, then a german and a swede, and went to the flame bar.

fun evening, but i had to go early :(

i shuttled back home, caught the kid and spot with our neighbour and a couple of her friends, had a good laugh, then finally came home to be a good netizen before bedtime.

DONE. (in half a hour, i blame the pictures [removed] and the fact that my regular host is down)

rant: death (of / to) a salesman

every pyramid scheme, "network marketing" plan or whatever happens to be the word of the day tries to convince naive idiots that it's different, more sophisticated, a sure thing and timed better than anything else.

it's all the same shit. nobody cares about the product itself and you have to spend a certain amount of time post-investment running around bullshitting other idiots in order to recuperate your loss. it's an archaic form of viral marketing that preys on the innocent to produce diseased minds in a world already suffering from a surplus of epic proportions.

the three topics that i'm covering here are product, pitch and sucker.

product
<company name deleted post argument and due to irrelevance>'s vitamin booster "technology" (we love that word. it's like "scientific"). the claim: a miracle cure for all your woes. it's a fucking vitamin supplement, claiming a new - patents pending, of course - "delivery mechanism" that you can gulp down or use as a lubricant. apparently it's "fun" to consume and tastes okay, although i refused to try it without seeing the list of ingredients and i was highly suspicious.
i kept wondering if they're using a substance that increases gullibility and tones down intelligence, and i couldn't suppress the urge to ask if there was silver-nitrate in it - it is from the alternate reality of the "wellness" industry after all, straight out of the NM juggernaut of utah. don't mormons come from utah?

and no, i'm not bothering to check out their website, because that's not actually the point of this rant.

apparently it's everything from herbal ecstacy to natural viagra to the first truly effective and healthy diet-drug. and of course, this actually works^TM. amazing!
and it comes in stylish "pharmacologically advanced" packaging that will not only attract attention (and stray cruise missiles) but can actually be used as a prophylactic measure too!

wonderful!

pitch
a 1.5 hour history lecture, a lesson covering economics and marketing from the NM perspective (of course, now being taught in all self-respecting universities, "including harvard" [i'm really quoting]) - that misinterprets and misrepresents the fundamental principles of those fields in a manner that left me and my business degree feeling strained and violated.

i guess i could have used some of that lubricant.

i'm going to ignore for the moment that whether the guy pitching is aware of it or not he spent every gosh-darned gum-flapping moment LYING^*. i'd rather focus on the age-old art of salesmanship, the curse of the gift of gab upon anyone slightly educated and with more than two brain-cells to rub together.

I HATE SALESMEN. i had the great fortune of growing up with a father who truly was one of the best. anyone who knows me knows that i didn't care very much for him (my understatement of the year), but his ability was, in my experience, not only undeniable but unparalleled, and it gave me an advantage in life: much like peter parker, i have an extra sense (slimey sense) that warns me when in the presence of a crap-flinger.

you want to see me get aggressive? bring on your "talk to convince" and your dale carnegie. speak enthusiastically yet vaguely, say things not immediately provable that sound wonderful and fantastic, give me all your personal experiences and tell me again how your sister got up out of her wheelchair and walked after years of prayer had gone unheeded, and avoid answering my questions.

and keep reminding me of how you're doing *me* a favour by letting me in on your big secret. you're my hero, my knight in shining armour.

sucker
this for me is the painful part. that's right, get your claws into someone i know and trust, and convince them to covertly call me over under pretense of including me in a new and promising venture.

i've had a long week, and getting all the way to his place, burning a hole in the seat, and angrily storming my way home cost me five hours of my life that i can never reclaim.

I NEEDED THAT SLEEP, and instead i wasted energy being agitated, frustrated, and feeling a deep sense of betrayal.

i cannot understand how these morons achieve such a high level of audacity: you've lied to me, wasted my time, and on top of that you ask me to hold my questions for the end, be respectful, and then act affronted when i bail early? i have to take all this drivel? on whose authority?

oh, yeah - and my favourite part of it all... the message i received this morning.

"DON'T TELL ANYONE!"

ps. i am shocked and horrified that spot remained, and that at least on some level has fallen for this "new and different" shit.

^* when i reached my first boiling point and opened my mouth, he swore to me that i was about to hear about something i'd never come across before - i checked him on that loudly and abrasively.

and when i called him on it later, after he'd pretty much gotten to the point, he merely shrugged it off. i could've hit him. i don't actually know what held me back.

anachronistic utilities

have i mentioned that i'm slightly aggro? i spent four hours this morning losing iq points to that tool i spoke about yesterday. after wiping off the drool when hauled out to lunch, i'd managed to up myself back to that of my shoe size.

the day could only get better.

the afternoon was spent not understanding my nemesis' hebrew documents, and amusing slapstick which progressed from ice down the shirt through to dirty suds, and on to grimy wet towels. work was not top priority for anyone, apparently.

i showered as soon as i got home, then bought tickets and met up with wr for coffee. he doesn't seem to have the attitude required for classy coffee shoppe's, and managed to miss a cute girl flirting with him... i was getting annoyed on his behalf :P

spot joined us, and we went to see pirates of the caribbean: at world's end. words fail me, it's just as beautiful - and beautifully told - as the others.

i have to go back to playing all the monkey island games now, keeping the trilogy's visuals in mind :)

if you've seen the movie, YOU MUST READ THIS, and the label on a bo'el o' rum.

we had coffee and crappy cake (i got ripped off on a "deal"), and it's now time for bed.

oh right: i kept trying to figure out where i recognized bill turner from. "bootstrap" indeed - SO monkey island.

from nightmare to paper

for anyone with a weak stomache who's about to eat breakfast i'd suggest not clicking on the picture.
but of course, something will get lost in the translation - my hand-eye coordination never was very impressive :P [and my artistic ability's lacking to say the least]

i'm guessing the dream was inspired by two rather nutrition'ly endowed ladies making out with some guy at the bar last night, then dragging him off into the bathroom together. it was at that point that it was too late to tell the barman that the poor sod'd had enough beer.

WHO'S READING MY ARCHIVES?!
someone just commented on this post from last year, in which i quoted brigitte gabriel's transcribed speech from duke university. if you'll be so kind, please note that in the part of the post that i wrote, i didn't use the word moslem once. although the comment in question has reminded me of a simple, yet important point that i feel i have to make before breakfast:

islam is the enabler, and quite frankly i'm sick of people being PC and apologetic about this little fact. whoop-de-doo, islam may be a great religion (although i'm a bit biased the other way myself), but if terrorists and arabs-with-agendas and other boogeymen are hiding behind it THEN IT'S UP TO THE MUSLIMS TO DEAL WITH IT.

if you keep enabling, you are a part of the problem. i promise. and as such you deserve every ounce of criticism, and maybe even a little more than that.

yesterday evening:
reading nova swing and listening to tool, having coffee with spot and g/f 2, going to molly bloom's for magist's release / farewell / birthday party. i started talking to this cute girl, and i felt really bad at the end to disappoint her with my unavailability. actually, i was an asshole and took her number so as to disappoint her today instead. i walked to the cocktail room, got there feeling like hell, enjoyed a few hours at the bar chatting, then went off with ta2 for breakfast where we were joined by spot. and then it was time for bed.

and now that i'm awake (the nightmare was an excellent set of jump leads), it's second breakfast time.

sweet vision

yesterday was great, although there was definitely an edge to it with something uncomfortable in the air. that is, it was all great until i was almost at home.

pointy-haired boss, with whom i'd had a long personal interview in the morning, called me up to inform me that he was being pressured by our unit commander to have us (nystire and myself) removed from the birthright program. because of a frikkin' unit sports day, one of the most irrelevant dates in the army calendar.

i was PISSED. actually, i get pissed off now every time i think about it. i'm exceedingly grateful that ink's co-worker (i can't think of a good name, i'll go with "vision" for the moment) was late for our date, because it gave me time to
a) sort shit out in my head and get over the annoyance
b) meet up with my tattoo artist
c) discover that the comics store has moved to our area
d) find out where to acquire goodies for my revenge

i said goodbye to spot's girlfriend A, had a nap and a shower and walked to dizengoff center, planning to arrive fashionably late. i keep forgetting that we live so close, and after walking slowly still arrived twenty minutes early. this innate south african time-culture kills me.

i've been so disappointed over the past few years with the girls that i've dated, and i wasn't expecting anything more from this one. i was also concerned by having met her in the relative dark, expecting her to show up with some glaring beauty handicap (i'm a fucking champion at finding tiny, irrelevant "faults").

i also have a thing against "dates", specifically brought on by s'belle (and we met up at the same place).

i have to say that a) vision's gorgeous and i simply couldn't find that niggling detail and b) the date was GREAT. we sat at a really nice coffee shop, then spent a couple of really romantic hours on the beach, and then simply walked around tel aviv before she got on the shuttle home.

i want to describe her, but i keep getting stuck in my thoughts. beautiful, fragile, together, with deep eyes and a delightful smile. my life is finally sorted out, and i've met a girl who's totally distracting? i couldn't ask for more.

i returned to the cocktail room afterwards to send everyone her regards (our favourite barman offered to hook me up with her when i mentioned her name, and got all excited when i told him he was too late), and have a few drinks with spot, his girlfriend B (that was fast), wr and magist.

<rant>magist and i fought for a while after we left because of something an old friend of mine taught me many years ago: the difference between being a man and being a male. in fact, i live by the definition of being a man as much as possible (although i'm not infallible - there's still a male in here somewhere) - a man has the ability to suppress his male urges in order to derive satisfaction from the finer things in life. i would rather be lonely trying to find myself with quality than get it on with a cheap slag.

okay, i'm exaggerating for effect, not all the girls i turn down are cheap slags, but i expect a little more from life than a series of shags. and i'd rather enjoy the music than spend every party moment hunting women.</rant>

and i think (i hope) that i've finally succeeded, because vision's coming over for a movie a bit later on, and then we've agreed we're going to a "carrot party" at the zamir. everyone's supposed to dress up as a redhead. spot, the kid and i have been discussing showing up looking normal, then offering to show the doormen a made-up fire-crotch >D

so spot, g/f B and i arrived home around 5am, i had a quick shower to remove the sand* before going to bed.

i woke up around 10.30, and the kid and i went for breakfast before going shopping. it was a pleasant breakfast, but i forgot to use honey until i was almost done and the fruit was a tad sour :S

i put on my blades when i got home, and went out to enjoy the stunning day. as i hit the yarkon i suddenly realized i'd forgotten to do the fun shopping i'd planned from yesterday's mill around the mall, so i scrambled back home to change and get organized.

comikaza still rocks :) i ordered slaine: the horned god (both parts), and bought desolation jones, which is so far stunning. i bought the pink fluff for my nemesis' desk just as i'd planned, and a redhead wig and make-up pen for tonight.

i met up with spot and g/f B at the cafeneto, and we just got back from an excellent and amusing lunch. i'm going to nap now.

* i'm SO impressed with my boots - while on the beach i suddenly realized that i'd been standing in a puddle of water for about half an minute, and not a drop got in ^_^

renewed hope

<rant>spot and i were discussing writing a multi-player game using a serious shell script earlier, and he just suggested that i check out source code for the game online. he can't figure out what i find so offensive about not writing the damn code myself.</rant>

so i napped until 00.30, and then we took a minibus-taxi through to allenby. we began walking towards the cocktail room, when spot suddenly remembered that there's a girl who lives around there that he wanted to get in touch with, so he disappeared and the kid and i continued.

it was practically empty, and we enjoyed a nice, chilled and pretty much private evening drinking and talking. wr introduced me to the girl who works there - if she wasn't engaged my life would be even richer for the encounter :P

we began comparing tattoos, which resulted in a piercing conversation that got pretty detailed - enough that i'm now seriously considering a prince albert. that wasn't the only thing that i got out of the conversation though, and we kept chatting ... at least it's good to know that girls like that do exist, now i just need to find my own. or hope that she breaks off the engagement >D

the kid and i joined ta2 and wr at a gay restaurant in the area - really nice place, good food, and we were only hit on once by some weird french guy. then we got a ride home.

post-holiday trauma

i began yesterday by staying in bed three hours longer than i needed to. just because i could.
i watched casino royale, which wasn't totally awful.
the kid went for a run and i bladed alongside to carry the water and egg him on.
the three of us had a double lunch.
the kid and i went out for ice-cream. the girl at the gelateria is adorable!

i suddenly realized that now that i have all this free time, and summer's coming and i'm going to be able to enjoy it properly for the first time in many years, i have time to think about stupid crap and prepare for an early mid-life crisis! yay!

all the cafeneto girls were on duty yesterday, and i found one who could help me out with advice regarding clothing and accessories. i've decided to get myself sorted out with an actual clothing style :D [and yes, it's me, it'll be an odd assortment of goth / geek / hippie]

our landlord came over for the rent, and i wrote out my first cheque. odd!

spot and i went by the atm, and i discovered that the army seems to have sorted my salary out. seems to have, i'll have to check it out further, but it makes this month a lot easier :)

last night i was preparing to write about having found "a warm puppy", but that thought was smashed by the frustration of having my net connection going down in the worst way. we only just got it sorted out, and that's after discovering that one of my apps managed to change my damn settings :S

fight club led me to believe that insomnia can be caused by dissatisfaction. i guess on a subconscious level i don't know how to cope with my life being good, and this restlessness is driving me demented!

today things on base got back to normal, and i'm totally happy with where i am. and i managed to cause a flurry of mass emails through my old section with one well-timed phone call ^_^ [the kid would kill me if he knew how self-satisfied i am about it]

i wore ankle-weights the entire day, but as i wasn't really very mobile i didn't pay much attention to it. i went shopping when i got back to tel aviv, and bought myself a proper keychain (although i'm shocked as to how much it cost), and then went home to change into running gear.

including the weights. for the first twenty minutes or so i wasn't certain that i was going to make it, but then i got comfortable and carried on for another ten. i stopped to stretch, then turned around and my return home including a full sprint for about four hundred metres, and i didn't slow down to walking until i was a few metres from home... i'm TOTALLY proud of myself!

my legs are TOTALLY killing me!

i stretched, showered, met up with spot and had falafel for supper, we sat over coffee, and now that i've satisfied my addiction and calmed down a bit i'm going to take a look at installing ubuntu.

go figure, huh?

predictions from the british ministry of defense: para-NOI-a
george lucas EAT YOUR HEART OUT! serenity named best sci-fi movie

all business

now that i've thrown my entire evening to google's reader, i'm feeling up to the immense task of documenting my day.

1) maybe inspired subconsciously by fight club, but last night was sponsored by a well-timed bout of insomnia.

2) i moved SUPER-slow this morning, and somehow made it on time anyway. heck, i even managed to make breakfast and do some sit-ups.

3) i can count six cigarettes i smoked today, which is far less than the last couple of days, but far more than it should be. i've reached the conclusion that quitting smoking right before hitting a major transition phase wasn't the smartest idea ever.

4) i ate too much chocolate today. there's no hope for me.

5) i decided to pull a lame april-fool's on piles; an hour or so later the kid called me up, because it had filtered through to him and caught them both out - and the kid was at home on holiday ^_^

6) at the beginning of the day, one of my co-workers taught me something new and then jokingly warned me not to forget X, where X seems like a ridiculously obvious thing to do and quite hard to skip. i laughed, thinking that i wouldn't be caught out like that, but i suddenly realized this evening that i now have egg all over my face.

7) i was totally hyped by the time i left the office; it was a good day at work. i stopped by azrieli to buy gifts for tomorrow night (passover with kc's family at her parents' place), but there were so many crazies jamming the mall that i just did a quick pass through and escaped as quickly as i could.

8) met up with spot on the bus home, and we stopped off at the cafeneto for an animated recap of the last couple of days. sunshine spared me five minutes, most of which was consumed by a slightly awkward silence.

9) a journalist who remembered me from a previous job over a year ago caught me on my way out, and i sat and chatted with him for a bit before going shopping for chocolate. chocolate makes an appropriate gift, but i think i need to wrap it :S

10) as i said, i totally wasted the evening. and now it's time for bed. during the last couple of hours i've been considering the possibility that i really have changed a lot since i arrived in this country. it's not that i'm not interested in the same things, or don't maintain the same viewpoints (in general, of course): it's that i've finally gotten my life prioritized and i've gotten used to denying myself things that i desire.

so used to it, in fact, that i need to unlearn making myself miserable - i don't need to keep such a tight leash on myself anymore.

universcale is cool. i need a bigger screen.
cute video, ridiculous concept: the wiihelm

moo.com: after a couple of great-looking designs, i scrapped them because i have that much faith in online credit transactions

a space junkyard, for the child in every one of us

watch out!

brush teeth:	CHECK
shower:	CHECK
sleep:	CHECK
wake up on time:	*ERROR*

i got up two hours late, late enough to be able to wake the kid up. i hastily readied myself and called egged (the bus company) to find out which line to take. i double-checked and was informed that the line goes from the station near my apartment, so i bussed there and went to the information area.

i found the line on the board, where it was written that it leaves platform 51. heaven forbid they should provide a map. i asked the guy behind the ticket counter where platform 51 is, and he impolitely informed me that he's not information.

i found a bus driver, who told me he was sure that the platform was on the east side of the train station - a bit far, pretty suspicious. so i went to get a second opinion, but information consists of two payphones that you pick up and it dials immediately.

being in a hurry (i had four minutes to get to wherever i needed to be), i did so. i'm a bit obsessive about hygiene, have i mentioned that? the idea of putting a public handset to my ear does NOT appeal to me. to discover that the volume is seriously low, and that i have to squeeze it to my ear didn't make me feel any better about it. and being in a hurry, i didn't think to wipe the earpiece... so once i was on my way to the platform that's on the complete other side of the station that the bus driver thought, across the road in fact, i was wiping my ear frantically and generally being pissed off.

...

i didn't manage to force my way onto the first bus that came past the second stop, and i managed to pick up a kid who had no idea how to get to her base. while waiting, a car pulled up. a couple of the kids looked at me expectantly (huh. senior officer, they probably thought. not quite.), and so i removed my earphones and stepped up to the window.

"anyone want a ride?"

WTF?! this woman might have meant well, but no. i stepped back, and was replacing the earphones when i caught another kid saying something in my direction: "they've kidnapped a couple of soldiers from this stop."

"yes. and that's why we're not getting in the car... that, and that it's illegal to take rides from strangers."
"yeah. did you know you can get 28 days in prison just for having stepped up to the window?"

i gave this kid a once over, and told him i'd like to see someone try court-martialling me for being helpful.

i escorted the girl to her base, made a detour on my base to pick something up from the quarter-master's store (cute girls!), and arrived in my office at least an hour after the kid arrived in his.

#$@%!

in spite of all that, today was pretty productive.

once home, spot and i went for coffee at another shoppe in our area - nice place, they do a communal movie viewing on saturday nights, decent vibe, cute girls... only the coffee i had tasted like bad soya. :S

we did some quick shopping afterwards, then joined a group to try and come up with a solution to the problem we've all been experiencing the last couple of weeks: every couple of nights, between 2 - 4am, some fucker rides past on his motorcycle. and lights and throws MASSIVE firecrackers that make the entire area sound like it's under attack.

all humorous theories aside, the guy whose place we met at is extremely dodgy. and even by my standards the music he put on while we sat around talking was weird. and he photographs squished fruit.

nabaztags. awwww - it likes me!

screening

great party! i definitely needed to let some aggression out. quite a few friends were there, too, and some very spankily-dressed cardboard boxes ;) [i suppose something rhyming with vixen would've been more appropriate :P]

ta2, wr and i went out for a rather good breakfast, and around 8am i returned home and crashed until 3pm ^_^
i enjoyed a great muesli breakfast, a pleasant chat with spot at cafeneto^*1, and afterwards watched stanley kubrick's lolita (finally), which was really good. and wasting an hour back-seat driving the kid's game of heroes was fun, too.

bedtime! tomorrow will make all the difference, i just hope it's in a good way.

^*1 i still feel the same way about sunshine, but i've decided i'm not chasing after her, just hoping things'll somehow work out. i don't want to be "that annoying guy".