the news

 i just got bumped up for a sleep lab - TONIGHT! as opposed to february. this is exciting!

things on my mind i need to dump before i can start my day:

1. the death of france is a playbook that i guarantee is currently playing out in the UK, the US, and australia. it's not just that the trojan horse has been welcomed into the city, it's that the city was neglecting its own people and turning them away in the first place.

2. squishy toys are dangerous.

there was other nonsense in the news, but i don't have energy for any of it. and this morning i learned that mr smear is becoming addicted to ASMR videos by sitting next to kids watching them before school starts...

haphazard

 my tongue hurts, because i bit it. like, i managed to bite myself in the center of my tongue, somehow. it hurts.

i'm so tired, that i just crashed on the couch for ten / fifteen minutes. after having had a fourth cup of coffee earlier.

my wife - who's dressed up as a dark elf - just posted about how i called her the fairy fart-mother, i don't know whether to be proud or embarrassed.

mr smear and i played through a fair amount of day of the tentacle before dinner. good times.

i read through quite a bit of hellsing this morning. i'm enjoying it, but i kinda get why gd got bored.

sfs contacted me this morning, after our recent interactions he's finally started diving into game development and he's doing something so crazy that i don't have a clue what his descriptions mean... but it looks like he's about to embark on one heck of a journey and i'm really glad to have been able to get him to take the first steps ^_^

i let him play a bit of moon sweepers, after i gave it a try this morning. i can see the attraction (nystire gifted me a copy, i think he's trying to test my resolve on my side projects :P), but i wanna get stuff done. later i watched my son take it in a whole other direction by drawing in the moon sand instead of clearing it.

i spent a lot of time make improvements to my chrome extension, but went down a re-architecture rabbit-hole with codex's terra model that astra has spent the past 1.5+ hours digging me out of. i feel like we're all learning stuff together. at least, i hope that's what's happening.

i had a chat with my mom earlier (we weren't able to connect properly at kiddush time because she and krybabie's mother were out for a walk on the mouille point promenade), she broke down what happened at her apartment building's AGM last night after she's been working her ass off for the past half a year to a year to extricate herself from the board: the majority of apartment owners are idiots according to carlo cipolla’s behavioral matrix.

they voted off the three guys who've been doing good work because "they're too controlling", and between them and my mom's efforts over the years the apartments are currently valued pretty highly. i suggested to my mother that now seems like a good time to bail, and was both surprised and relieved to learn that she agreed.

if she sells, that's going to remove what is possibly the largest obstacle to her picking up sticks and joining us over here.

we're about to head off to tahoma's for their annual halloween party, for which i don't have anything to wear. we're leaving mr smear home alone, after having checked with our upstairs friends that they're okay with being leaned on in an emergency, and i think he's as excited for the home alone time as we are for the adults-only time :)

a skip and a leg day

 did i... did i skip a day?

yesterday:

i spent a couple of hours on mr smear's game yesterday, but the biggest event of the day was watching die hard together, which was the only screen time mr smear was allowed until dinner because he'd been pretty rude to me in the morning.

my son discovered liquorice allsorts and i discovered my sunflower seeds had the words "unsalted" written in large print on the packet that i hadn't registered when i bought them :(

the rest of my day was doing not much, but lots of it :P

oh, and i had a good chat with vfmp for the first time in ages. i'd come up with a prank to play on his antisemitic brother, and we both laughed hysterically as he told me a story of their sibling rivalry and the results of him exploiting a cheat in a game they used to play together 😈

dinner was sushi again (^_^) and more of the wonder years. each episode generates interesting discussions, necessary discussions that mr smear doesn't necessarily want to have :P

he got to play more thief after dinner as compensation.

today:

i slept pretty well again last night. i got a variety of stuff done today, but my work day was mainly me jumping between tasks and struggling to make real progress on any one thing. lots of small disappointments.

one of them being that after generating enough data at the end of last week, my cost estimates turned out to be considerably lower than i anticipated...

around 4pm i decided to get up from my desk and walk mr smear to the comics library and back. we picked up my favorite thing is monsters vol 2 and doomsday clock, along with volumes 4-5-6 of attack on titan for mr smear, after discovering that the books on the shelves are doubled up and we hadn't noticed all this time!

i advised mr smear as he signed up for an account on a website that asks you to confirm you're over 18 (it's a monster wiki, i'm pretty sure i'm doing the wrong thing), while i played around with agent frameworks and specced out some more work on his game.

dinner was delicious, not-quite-sushi but similar, and we watched an episode of the wonder years that we essentially had to force mr smear through as he died inside from "14th hand embarrassment" - yes, 7x as worse as 2nd hand - but he survived the trauma in spite of his protests 😂

between then and now, i came across a post on facebook from a woman who seems to have the same idea i do about employing immigrants, it looks like we might have some common ground we can cooperate with so i'm quite excited!

...

i'm feeling my hip flexors getting irritated again, i had a couple of days' reprieve while my back hurt and now i'm uncomfortable :/

cross-ay-eyed

mr smear took the graphic novels back to the comics library yesterday, and i couldn't figure out what i wanted to read before my screen time and then... oh, yes, i wrote up my previous day's adventures, and got not-a-lot done before heading out (back) to the office.

i did not focus on my primary task today. i mean, i made some progress, but for the most part i was heavily invested in the distracting work of resurrecting a retired dependency so that i could fix a bug in it that i need to make the project i resurrected yesterday work properly.

and we had two important meetings yesterday. the first was an engineering all-hands that sounded eerily familiar, with zero irony. i had a little trouble with feeling sleepy, but i woke up to ask a question and had the VP come bouncing up to where i was sitting with the mic, and then very much not like my question about how metrics for velocity conflict with demanding accountability in terms of quality.

at least i managed to catch him for a positive chat immediately afterwards :P

i had a meeting in a fridge phone booth a few minutes later, and i realized just as i signed in that i couldn't find my hoodie. so, on the call but muted, i rushed around the office trying to find it, eventually guessing that it had fallen behind the stands where i'd been sitting, and managing (with enormous relief) to snatch it up and find a booth in time to follow everything.

my new manager is cool - i've worked with him before - but it's not clear how aligned we are on the mission so i had to be really careful to raise all my points in a way that didn't feel confrontational. i think i did alright, but i've now told everyone very clearly that i'm hoping to be able to start experimenting with integrating my hackathon solution by next week; both because it gives me a deadline i have to stick to, and because i'm nervously in a race against time to get *my* opinionated solution in before somebody comes and up with something irresponsible instead :P

when i left the office, i called gd back and we got into it about whether or not we can afford a dog, or will ever be able to afford a dog. that had to be put on hold while i travelled to my employer's office by light rail. there was a lot of tension, but we managed to move through it and had a heavy but important conversation about the challenges gd's been facing with language, community and work over the past few years, and how to approach them.

the meetup at the office was pretty good. not only were the talks not boring (i learned a few things about agentic ai and agentic memory), but i made small talk with a guy who turned out to be another ex-saffer (he went to school with one of my cousins' kids) and the conversation ended up going off the rails in our unique saffer way. it made the eavesdroppers (and there were a couple) a little happier about the hardships they're forced to endure :P

i had a good chat with the head of our group afterwards, though i said something in a clumsy way - i'm sure she doesn't remember, but it's bugging me - and then i bussed home just in time to say goodnight to mr smear and have a bit of a chat before he went to sleep, and watch most of another episode of ludwig with gd, and now...

... i dunno. i think i'm too tired to do anything productive, but also not tired enough to go to bed and actually sleep 🤷‍♂️

asshole accumulation

today - post posting - continued with four assholes. i called the jewish agency to find out something for my mother, and was stuck with their hold muzak while running around the supermarket looking for a product that they didn't stock. as i gave up and arrived at the self-checkout, an agent answered and promptly refused to answer my general question because my mother wasn't with me. while i was being pissed off about that, the checkout assistant came over and insisted on interrupting my call to tell me about a special on one of the items i was purchasing, to which i responded sharply "i really don't care" but i really wanted to scream it. the answer i got from the agent was basically that the people in cape town are continuing to waste my mother's time. i tried to reset emotionally, but almost got run over by an irresponsible cyclist as i stepped onto a crosswalk (he was coming up behind me, and decided to go around in front of me instead of behind me. or slow down a moment, as i had right of way. a few seconds later the crosswalk was blocked by an impatient taxi driver while it was still green for me to cross, and he got angry with me for indicating that he was doing something wrong.

later, i'd learn that half the kids in mr smear's class are sick with covid so tonight's lag b'omer bonfire isn't happening, so that was all for nought...

working from the office wasn't unpleasant, though i was very frustrated by the coffee machine situation. not only do people move the pipes between the dairy and non-dairy milks without cleaning them, and leave milk pouring onto the grid our cups are supposed to go on, but there's no decaf coffee anywhere.

my work day was... well, it was successful in the sense that i eventually managed to run the tests i needed to run (and that i arguably should have run weeks ago). it was unsuccessful in that i uncovered even more of a hot mess beneath the surface than i already thought there was. i worked a longer day than usual, and my last findings before stopping for the night stressed me out. i've sent an update to my manager so that he's not surprised, and i'm overall feeling pretty shit about it.

...

anyways. i came home for lunch, primarily because krybabie's widow (what a weird thing to type, even years later) had come over to pick up some stuff my mother brought with her. it was nice to see her, and it seems like she and the kids are doing quite well.

it turns out she recently met up with some old mutual friends, and that they have pictures of teenage me at summer camp, so i've just awkwardly reached out to them to ask if they'd do me a favor and send me a few of them... i don't have much from before i made aliyah, a handful of photos from my party days is just about everything.

...

mr smear once again came home without having done what i asked him, and i gave him the twenty minutes it took for me to get home from the office to rectify the situation. i spent some of the walk home wracking my brains trying to think of an appropriate and effective punishment if he didn't, and i was deeply grateful that he managed to get his assignment off one of his friends and i didn't have to come up with a solution to the problem 😅

dinner was great, as was the evening in general, but he started coughing just at bedtime and i'm hoping he's not doing the covid thing himself. i actually suspect that that's what my last week was about, and that perhaps mr smear was patient zero when we sent him back to school a couple of weeks ago because he only had symptoms when getting out of bed.

...

i don't have energy or bandwidth to be functional tonight. i'm really enjoying starship troopers and slay the spire 2, one (or both) of them will suffice.

somniferous

 i'm making an effort to stay awake tonight. fortunately, after the weekend progress i made on my AI harness i'm inspired to move forward. there's a lot of stuff going on, and i'm definitely learning.

...

i accompanied gd to the clinic this morning, from there were went to the hospital, begged for an in-between in-between appointments appointment, and returned to the clinic to see a doctor who gave gd a referral that formally begs for an in-between in-between appointments appointment. later i received an email from the hospital that says "okay", with no further details.

it's all very confusing.

i was falling apart after we came home, so i made myself a coffee and napped for half an hour, sipping it before closing my eyes and finishing it soon after. i was still a mess for a little while after that, but i eventually managed to sit myself down and dive into the work.

i feel like i did some real work today, even if a lot of it was being told by the AI agents that none of what they said before made any sense :/

i called mr smear after school had ended, and was pleased to hear that he'd found the last missing book. he gave me a bullshit story about not being able to bring home a workbook without bothering the janitors more than he already had, which i decided to let slide...

today was a mix of healthy and unhealthy snacking.

my mom and i took a walk to the immigration lawyers' office for a free consultation. the weather today was weird, and there were a lot of detours, but we arrived on time for a very pleasant meeting, and we were assured that ours is a "slam dunk" of a case should the need to use their services arise.

we returned home, i ushered mr smear into the shower so that i could spend some time on my AI harness before dinner, we enjoyed a really nice dinner, and a smooth bedtime (i resumed reading the colour of magic for the first time in a while).

my brain's a bit foggy. i'm not sure how much constructive effort i'll be putting in, but dammit i'm staying awake.

stopped

 we joined our upstairs friends for dinner last night (pot luck), and it was a lovely evening. my second drink of the day, and their couch was soooo... couch. we haven't had a couch in weeks, and i was - as the quebecois say - bean grease.

we all came downstairs and crashed hard.

...

i woke up late this morning, after a pretty full night's sleep. then i did random stuff - beginning with a painful attempt to upgrade the comics i made two weeks ago (needs a paid gemini subscription, and i couldn't find any easily-installable plugins for gimp to use AI), and then mr smear and i watched an episode of solo leveling on crunchyroll, and then i passed out for another hour and a half.

in the afternoon - aside from eating a lot - i began trying to set up paybox young for mr smear, which meant me signing up for an additional credit card of my own which i'm not happy about. but after doing the math, i discovered that just in terms of pocket money alone (plus doubling any unused for savings) he's already unwittingly earned enough money that the bank fees are covered by the compound interest, so it's worth it.

only... he has to install a different paybox app, and it can only be installed from the israeli app store, and our family account is still canadian and it's not possible to sign in to a different account on a managed phone.

*sigh*

after much digging - again - i learned that the only way to resolve this problem is to create a new family account from a different email, then migrate everyone on our family account. which isn't a huge problem, because we closed our canadian bank accounts last year so we don't really need to be on the canadian store any more, but it's really annoying because child accounts can only be transferred after a one-week waiting period. because reasons.

so i've done half the migration, and i guess we'll see how things go next week.

mr smear and i took a pleasant walk around our "backyard" park - park hayarkon - and after eventually extricating mr smear from the exercise machines we stumbled across what appeared to be a juggling school, which was quite fun to watch.

then we returned home, and i jumped on a call with protoplasm for our first catch-up in forever, and then it was dinner time, and getting mr smear into bed a half an hour late time, and then shower time, and now... i dunno, i'll probably go to bed soon.

three for three

 we're in week three of our new apartment, and i'm starting this post in hour three of trying to sleep but tossing and turning in pain and discomfort. my two-week-plus old mattress is causing me suffering, and my lack of sleep is interfering with everything.

and we don't have a couch i can escape to.

...

grocery shopping, electricity shutoff anxiety (fortunately for gd, they started late and finished early)

misrad hapnim, a 10 minute wait (and failed attempts to use their "self-service" machine) for a one minute print job

phone calls there and back: clinic, municipality

client office experience: 100% of the time in a telephone booth, receiving praise from team lead for handling the previous day's deployment like a professional (i thanked her, awkwardly)

miraculously perfect timing for supporting my team between phone calls, because most of the day-long rollout meeting wasn't interesting to me:

receiving a receipt showing that the municipality owes me (so hopefully we'll get our deposit back soon), the representative recommending a pre-approved "forgery" in order to honor a reasonable request from our new landlord, my new mattress is ready for testing but i have to physically get there during their uncomfortable opening hours, the grocery store confirming that they charge differently to what's posted on the website (i'd used a voucher, it got weird)

discussing the past two weeks' organizational weirdness with my religious mentor, and his stunned silence followed by a heart-felt WTF 😂 half an hour writing an email to update my ("my" my) team after scheduling a one-on-one with my client

a bus to my office, pleasantries and small talk, followed by a class on docker that i didn't need to be in

forgery: doc editing and printing issues

on the way home, receiving a rejection response from the local comic publishing house. zero constructive feedback.

arriving home, completing the forgery (same pen and everything), submitting the request

celebrating a letter from yad l'olim with a double-shot of rum and reading its translation to my mother

a delicious dinner, overeating (probably compensating for nothing but healthy snacking all day)

more of the colour of magic at bedtime

trying not to wake myself up before crashing (but it was all for nought regardless)

...

the world is shifting. it's not subtle (even if you're trying to look beyond the hype), and it's fast.

• anthropic’s 7 billionaire founders just pledged 80% of their wealth (because they know what’s coming)
• openclaw: 160,000 developers are building something openai & google can't stop. where do you stand?

breaking stuff

i'm finally in bed, it's really late, and i'm panicking because the window guy cut into the beautiful cupboard doors i promised the landlord i wouldn't touch.

and everything is coated with a super-fine dust.

...

the morning was okay, although it turned sour when the extra-insurance people got my details and i got cold feet realizing that there was every red flag in the book that i was being scammed.

i asked on facebook and apparently it's not a scam, just really stupid behavior that trains people to fall for scams.

at least, i hope that advice isn't wrong.

the ikea delivery arrived, just watching the huge guys carrying made my sciatic nerve twitch. and seeing that they damaged a corner of one of our units... and then i had to move them around a bit, and of course my sciatica is now up to a light burn.

my mom's aliyah story now has a new complication, so i guess it was a good day for yad l'olim to ask how we're coming along...

work was busy, but i was also really distracted. and i ended up embarrassed by a couple of PR comments :(i finally got into a flow after the plumber had returned and fixed two small leaks, but then the handyman was coming and i needed to be there to let him into the building.

...

apparently two of mr smear's friends got into an argument and one of them pulled out a knife 😭

oh, and we've agreed to let him visit another friend in a dodgy part of town on shabbat, a friend whose family makes us nervous...

...

the nice "junior" handyman who managed to do the job before the job grew, waiting for hours (doing a massive hardware store run with mr smear) for the window guy to arrive, who assured me there'd be no dust and that the work would only take a couple of minutes.

half an hour later the neighbors were getting upset, and then we said goodbye to him and his workers, and then we wiped and swept and discovered the damage.

good night

off script

 so there was a monday, and a tuesday, before today - but i only really recall the tuesday, so i'm going to work backwards and see if i took any notes...

today:

i did do a little work, in the morning and in the afternoon, but for the most part it was an admin day. on my way to the bank this morning i called the absorption ministry and made an appointment for gd to find out if she has cover for private hebrew lessons. at the bank, i signed off on the documents to open a savings account, one that i have to message them to ask them to deposit money into [i tried to locate a "scratch head" emoji and failed]

i walked to the mall and grabbed a cup of coffee, and then was joined by gd and mr smear and we got into buying his stationery for the fifth grade, which he enters next week 🤯

a religious woman overheard us working with the clerk to try and figure out what the list we had was asking for, and decided she knew better. the clerk was offended ("i'm not a retard!") and she didn't have much to offer that was actually helpful. afterwards, she tried to make smalltalk and i managed to drag gd out of there just as i heard her awkwardly transforming it into a real conversation...

we spent a few hours indoors, with mr smear playing a monster-eye-view of poppy playtime on roblox and promising that it wouldn't affect him.

we all went to the school together to pick up some of his books for the new year, then picked up a couple of things at the supermarket, walking home with our minds and tastebuds blown by the vegan cornetto ice-creams...

we then headed off to dizengoff center to try and find belts and sleeveless shirts for me, and a school diary (one that doesn't suck) for mr smear. we gave up on the shirts, but we did pick up new, smaller (better fitting) shorts for me, and then we went downstairs to the vegan market.

the burgers looked great, but i didn't trust the guy making them with his bare hands. mr smear wanted tacos, which was a great experience even if the filling wasn't amazing. we took barbecue seitan and quiche from the mom & son's random wares, and it was amazing. we made a terrible mess (mostly gd booby-trapping a drink and me and mr smear eating the tacos as best we could), but overall it was a good dinner and we ate too much. (we have untouched leftovers in the fridge)

we ran into some cousins on the way out the mall, hopped on the bus home, watched the second episode (episode 1) of ren & stimpy, showered and brushed teeth (i'm now using an ultra-soft brush, it's a weird experience), and read some more of the neverending story.

yesterday:

yesterday was supposed to be relatively relaxed. what began with me trying to finalize monday's fix (i'll get to that) turned into debugging bigtalk's build scripts, turned into me understanding that he literally built it from the ground up in direct opposition to what i'd instructed him, and in such a way that it would never work. i actually reverted his change before adding some stuff we needed to the original scripts, and every piece of code he wrote for us (or his imagined alternate universe version of us) has now been purged.

everything after lunch and until about 7pm was us scrambling to rescue a cloud machine that a) we have no way of interrogation for what went wrong and b) we had no idea was being treated as operational by our customer (officially it was a preview for testing). to make matters worse, in spite of my loud protests, one of the guys instructed the new devops to take it offline which made it impossible to recover. additionally, before bringing it back up they changed something critical about it, which broke my scripts.

it was as much miracle as effort, but we eventually managed to get it back up and running, and tomorrow i'm going to poke and prod everyone about doing a thorough RCA (even though i've already posted my recommendations).

we watched the second episode of ren & stimpy (to review it for appropriateness), but i started to fall asleep towards the end and i completely passed out while gd watched (until she passed out) the second season of the sandman.

monday:

i had difficulty getting up. i got to work, straight into a meeting with the new devops and incoming devops. and the meeting devolved into very severe unpleasantness - both in terms of cross-cultural communication (the incoming boss said something that our british devops understood as "your idea is shit"), and in terms of both me and the british devops losing respect for the incoming guys before they've even arrived. i ended up speaking to my boss about it, and his response to my saying that the drama "really isn't in my wheelhouse" was to chide me and remind me that in my current position, it's precisely in my wheelhouse.

anyway, at least the boss knows what's happening, and i'll worry about actual repercussions when the time comes.

the day was full of random distractions, but came to a head when a bunch of us sat down to troubleshooting the canadian contractor's code with him. we had no clear direction, but after an hour and a half we'd tracked down the issue and resolved it, which was a huge win because it's been hurting everyone in the team and preventing us from moving forward with a new release.

...

i tried to help my mother with her email issues after putting mr smear to bed, but i needed a nap. so i lay on the couch and set an alarm for half an hour, which i effectively snoozed over and over until eventually crawling into bed around 2am.

aliyah update

 oh! i almost forgot, apparently someone i've been talking to managed to push the right buttons, because the jewish agency informed her yesterday that they're dropping the ridiculous new requirement and all she has to do is show up with a valid police clearance.

i'll believe this story is over when she has a visa in hand, but it's extremely encouraging!

gurgle splat (and a review of our son)

 i did get a (literal) couple of hours' sleep before my alarm went off this morning. most of them, anyway.

mr smear was great this morning. he was rewarded accordingly, with multiple reminders that it's a special treat. gods help us.

the skin under my fingernail is splitting again. this is the third or fourth time since winter started and i'm so over it.

gd is very much over her damaged toe, but she insisted on not going to the clinic and instead going to her sewing lesson ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

the work day was a struggle and a half, it was very frustrating and a lot of what i had issues with made me feel rather dumb. otherwise, i had a couple of good syncs with coworkers, i finally got to sumsum for lunch (one of the syncs in question, fascinating talk), and my stomach gave me trouble pretty much the entire day. also, i'm regaining weight... i have definitely not been eating responsibly.

...

in the late afternoon gd and i met with the guy who did mr smear's psych evaluation for a feedback session. it was very comforting hearing that we've already got a good understanding of his abilities and his struggles, though it's heartbreaking that so much of his hardship is trauma response, primarily from immigrating and bullying (but also his fear of coming into contact with dairy).

we've been given some helpful recommendations and we'll continue doing what we can. and the school has absolutely no validation for medicating our child.

...

i left work pretty late, but got to enjoy some of my leftovers dinner (i avoided tonight's pizza) with gd and mr smear, and after we got mr smear into bed the two of us watched about half of john wick (neither of us have seen it before). and then i got back to working, after forty minutes deciding that i'd had enough.

i suspect that tomorrow's going to be a reckoning of sorts.

bad language

i slept a bit better last night, but still tossed and turned a lot.

mr smear was off school today for shushan purim, and i left for my blood tests, which got off on the wrong foot because i couldn't register my arrival, and i waited impatiently for very slow people before finally getting to counter and discovering that i'd been using mr smear's card instead of my own :/

fortunately the wait for the blood test wasn't long. the drawing itself was a bit unpleasant, not terrible but not good - the guy left the needle loose and it was mostly hovering around a 90° angle. then i went to the pharmacy, where i learned that one of gd's prescriptions was incorrectly entered into the system, and then back to the receptionists to find out that the message i'd received regarding mr smear's therapy authorization was meaningless.

anyway.

i got home, and gd and i confronted mr smear about his hebrew teacher's report. we were shocked to discover that mr smear hasn't accepted his new reality at all, and that he's still been holding on to the idea that he doesn't need to learn hebrew, that he's going to give up being jewish and go live in america.

what followed was a long and brutal affair, but eventually we seem to have gotten him to understand that a) we have nowhere else to go and b) you can't give up being jewish and c) without hebrew and good school grades in general he's not going anywhere, least of all america.

good grief.

work today was alright, it began with a chat with lipgirl about south african violence (i didn't know she'd worked as a stewardess and had naively walked from a hotel to a mall in johannesburg), then a fight with file.pizza as an alternative to scp (but it refused to begin downloading on multiple attempts), then a very pleasant walk on another beautiful morning to the hardware store to pick up a modern flash drive.

the rest of the work day (and another hour or so after mr smear went to bed) was spent getting a very important part of our installation working. i think i'm about halfway through at this point.

i picked mr smear up after his therapy session and brought him to the office, where he mostly did his homework (reading hebrew comics and a few pages of maths). he also made a funny comic which uses the word "motherfucker", and as always it's very hard to admonish a child for bad language while you're actively laughing both at how he's used it and at how pleased with himself he is for straddling the boundaries.

good grief.

we ran into one of his classmates' dad on the light rail home, and amongst other things we talked about the allergy drama and he was supportive.

dinner was good, delicious in dungeon is still going strong.

i'm tired now. i didn't take the alpha lipoic acid and tomorrow i'm picking up my "home sleep lab" kit on my way to work. i think i'm going to hit the hay soon.

testing

 the biggest news of the day was my mother meeting with representatives of the jewish agency to go through her documents again. unfortunately, it wasn't the final meeting, but it does look like she's made good progress and i'm very pleased that she spoke some hard truths to the reps that needed to be said.

hopefully she'll be sorted within the next couple of months. that would be nice. her story's going on four years already.

...

today got an angry start, part of it gd and mr smear (he's still a slow starter), part of it gd and one of our frying pans. so, after accompanying mr smear to school, gd and i went shopping. we picked up two frying pans, and a couple more soft blankets for our couch because winter's coming, and a couple of organizers to try and sort out our living room nightmare of piles of books and drawn-on pages and documents all over the place.

no vegan marshmallows for the birthday party mr smear's going to on saturday.

...

on my way to work i was suddenly overcome by some heavy memories of me being too hard on a much younger mr smear. it doesn't help that i thought i was doing right by him, i know now how messed up my behavior was and i'm sure that's going to haunt me for the rest of my life.

...

work today was all about writing and running tests. it was mostly good, minus a rocket attack and needing to fart while we were all waiting in the stairwell, and a bit of a fight with my boss which i definitely could have handled better.

i'm not sure if it helped that i was proved right by the end of it :P

i headed to the supermarket on my way home to see if i could find vegan marshmallows, and i'm getting the feeling they're off the shelves everywhere all of a sudden. i hunted through the entire mall until i eventually got to a candy store that had, while not the marshmallows i was looking for, a pretty good alternative from haribo. i'm not 100% sure if it's vegan, but at least it doesn't have fish, dairy or eggs in it...

they also had a giant bag of katjes that says "vegan" on it. so i bought that as well ^_^

i picked up a few umbrellas on the way to the bus stop, and the rest of the evening's been pretty good so far. putting mr smear to bed was a little bumpy, but we didn't escalate and i'm feeling pretty good about how the day went.

lost in space

 i've been playing a lot of crying suns lately. it's an exquisite evolution of ftl.

i've also been playing galaxy attack: shooting game again, as opposed to space shooter - galaxy attack that mr smear and i occasionally play together on the bus home from his training. all those games are pretty much the same, and the hardest (read: next to impossible) way to play it is without ads or purchases...

my nose is stuffy. we didn't go wall-climbing yesterday, as mr smear woke up struggling to breathe through the snottiness on saturday night. he completed bugsnax all by himself in the morning, and i kept an eye on him to make sure he was alright. he seemed to be, but the way the story ended was bothering him so he didn't feel much like celebrating. then we watched the rest of the live action one piece, which was fantastic.

in the evening, we had a big argument about shower time (i came up with a great analogy to explain how time works on the way to the school this morning, he's less argumentative about it now), and after a long stretched out period of time trying to calm him down before he went to sleep, i tried to bring up things to make him feel good.

bugsnax wasn't it. he thinks the developers are idiots for "messing up the story", and it doesn't help that i think the story was interesting and clever... anyway, i'm rather grateful that that's what was bothering him...

gd and i met the school's art therapist this morning, that seems like a good thing for mr smear.

i spoke to my mom this morning, and was concerned to learn that her car broke down while she was passing the cape town townships yesterday. fortunately she managed to push the thing to get her somewhere marginally safer, but "safer" is relative. i spoke to her again this evening, and she's made it clear that there's no reasoning with her about emigrating :/

the arab pharmacist i encountered on the way to the office was thorough. thorough is great, except when you're purchasing something sensitive with a line of people standing two feet away from you.

i spent most of my morning running through the things i was going to tell my boss when i got to the office, and then i got to the office and read the room and decided that it really wasn't the right thing to do. i'm just going to shut my mouth and walk away as soon as possible.

it was a much better day (obviously, i went off-call), and it had some good moments. in the middle of the day i went to the dentist, where the guy replaced my filling surprisingly quickly and i'm still trying to figure out whether it's good or not.

i think it might be good.

i shopped and bussed home making a concerted effort to neither bite my mouth parts nor drool, and somehow succeeded in spite of running into mr smear's previous teacher on the bus. she asked about mr smear wearing glasses and was completely shocked by his prescription - i suggested that that offers a plausible explanation as to why he didn't dig reading exercises so much last year.

i got home to find him reading a hebrew book to gd, he's clearly a lot more comfortable now than he's ever been.

i'm kinda tired. it's half past midnight. here goes nothing...

ticking boxes

 this has been an intense week.

i'm still struggling with the post-nasal drip / horrible coughing. it's been relentless, for weeks. i'm so over this.

i didn't manage to get any rest on tuesday night, i just lay in bed miserably tired and wired until i had to get up in the morning. not wake up, mind, because i was still wired and didn't need any caffeine until wednesday afternoon - the trigger for that cup being desperation after an hour-long all-hands that i struggled to keep my eyes open for.

everyone left was in the office on wednesday, and the office had already taken on a completely different vibe. we're a tiny startup now, less than a company, and our department is now a team. it's a palpable difference, and it's bizarre.

yesterday, i was the only developer in the entire office for the first half of the day, and only a single coworker joined me for the second half. counting the product dude who's also a dev, there were three of us in the wide open open-space.

the morning hours were lonely.

my ex-team-lead-now-boss had forgotten that i have c# experience, so i volunteered to give him a hand with a .net bug-hunt and found myself with a new task. i'm not used to working with visual studio on a mac, which is weirdly different from the windows offering, and i'm not used to working on an x64 project with an arm64 computer, so it took a little while to get a handle on where everything is and running the tests.

it was late afternoon by the time i found *the* bug. which was just one amongst a bunch of others, but while i was trying to figure out what was broken and where (it actually looks like the code might be fine but the tests are badly-written) the product dude jumped in demanding that we release the fix urgently (on a thursday evening, which is a friday evening for the rest of the modern world) in time for a call with the complaining customer.

we assessed the risk, and pushed the button. and then i had to leave - taking some FOMO with me - to pick up training gear from scrapper before they leave for canada (tonight!). let me tell you, the update a bit later to say that we'd successfully solved the customers problem and delighted them with our performance was a fantastic start to the weekend!

also seeing scrapper and partner and picking up a whole box of awesome (if very dusty) stuff and just happening to be there when another friend of his explained that he'd take the bass guitar but wouldn't actually be able to do anything with it. so i returned home with a box of gear and comics and books, ate quickly, said goodnight to mr smear, and then went back for a guitar and amplifier and twenty minutes of tea and an interesting book club reading that i'd walked in on.

it was a great evening.

this morning began with an hour of yelling at idiots*, then i walked with gd to the clinic to make an urgent appointment (she's having trouble with a prescription) and picked up a couple of household items before coming back home, scarfing down breakfast and then heading out to the barber shop. it's not the best haircut, but it's fine.

* my cellphone company has been blocking my twilio messages, and when i asked them to remove the block they contacted twilio and informed them that i requested a block; our medical insurance company sent gd an sms with a link to their app, but the thing we were supposed to find in the app wasn't available because reasons

while gd and i were shopping, mr smear's teacher called us - mr smear was throwing a proper wobbly because they made latkes in class and the other kids were using eggs. we're trying to teach him to lead by example and take the soft approach, but it's hard not to empathize with a kid who understands just how evil the egg industry is.

...

finances: mistakes have been made, and we're trying to navigate the fallout. if we miraculously get through the next few weeks without surprises we'll be okay *knocks on wood* but we're in a really dicey position and we have to make dramatic changes. the good news is that after a couple of long and sensitive chats with gd, we have a plan and we think we can handle this.

the sad part is that we wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for the ridiculous levels of debt we incurred emigrating, we'd actually be doing just fine. i think i may have mentioned this before, but our income to expenses ratio is much better in tel aviv than in cape town because the economy here, while tough, is still far more reasonable than in south africa.

...

anyway, as crazy and rough and heartbreaking as this week was, i feel like i've taken care of the most important stuff. now to try to get the paintings hung before shabbat comes in.

kind-of breathing

immigration

gd's been hilariously cute about her new status as an israeli citizen, everything she's doing she's doing for the first time "as an israeli" and she's super excited by it :D

in spite of how sick we've been - the last couple of days have been particularly bad, though we're both feeling a bit better this morning - having finally gotten through this non-stop nightmare has put us all in fantastic spirits! we've also had some very serious discussions about trauma and what we've all been going through, and for how long.

for example, i haven't been "home" since i left israel in 2012. when pg and i moved to canada, we spent six months living in limbo - uncertainty and anxiety - and after she left and my work environment became toxic and i was forced out for reacting i spent the next few months terrified that i'd run out of money before finding new employment and getting a new work permit. even though gd and i were making a home and starting a family for the following two years, i was still a foreigner on a temporary visa and the government institutions never let me forget it.

and then we moved to south africa, where for six years gd was never guaranteed residence and i didn't really want residence, certainly not long-term (even though for a while we were hopeful that the situation would magically improve). four years of water shortages, electricity shortages, fearing for our personal safety, followed by the last two and a half years of trying to leave to the only place we've really felt made sense for us. having planned to arrive here last september, even mr smear struggled with half a year knowing that we weren't where we should be.

it's been rough.

but now we're here, and slowly but surely we've been breaking through each wall until we're finally home. we finally have three of us living in a country we have the right to be in, where we have community and family and safety nets, where have a sense of permanence. this is where we are, this is where we'll be, and for the first time in forever there's nothing looming over our heads, no threats of deportation and no need to accept mistreatment or abuse from anyone in authority.

work

yesterday was relatively successful, but i'm fully aware that i'm being judged on this project and that i need to impress. on a deadline, slow and steady does not win this race.

mr smear

i'm trying to teach my boy not to invest care / attention / emotions on people he doesn't like. gd went to pick him up yesterday and she witnessed his bully harassing him non-stop. the parent of one of his friends was there, too, and she informed gd that until mr smear joined the class her daughter had been the target of this malicious little shit. at one point gd confronted him in hebrew - she yelled "enough!" and stared him down. it wasn't enough, but soon after the teacher caught on to what was happening and made this kid cry.

and nobody cared.

it's REALLY hard to get these concepts across to an almost-seven year old. now we're off to a birthday pool to see how successful we've been. at least we'll both be there too.

surreal

after two and a half years of losing battles and frustrations and mini-victories and setbacks and fear and anxieties and stress and living in limbo... we made it to our meeting. we arrived with what we were asked to bring: gd's passport and her passport photos. i also brought all our documents, just in case. mr smear brought his spongebob squarepants comic.

those last two items? turned out we really needed them. we were there for ages, with mr smear entertaining himself and anyone within earshot as he read all the stories out loud, doing voices and accents and generally being both adorable and out of the way. we had documentation issues, and i was able to resolve them with my magic folders of everything.

but we didn't really believe that we would be getting through the meeting until gd was asked to take photos and give her fingerprints, and we had her temporary id handed to her along with some instructions for the next couple of months.

it's done. the great adventure of the past few years has been completed, and we can finally begin our lives proper. there's plenty more in the way of bureaucratic challenges to overcome, especially in the coming weeks, but the most important item has been taken care of and it's literally amazing and surreal to finally be on the other side.

...

aside from finally celebrating the real win, it was another nasty day as far as being sick is concerned. a week into this, absolutely desperate, my brain suddenly went "omg! wouldn't it be good to use sudafed?" and then "holy shit, we have some!". and i took it. it didn't completely dry me up, but it helped a LOT. and i'm so desperate at this point that i've decided that i don't give a shit if i can't sleep, as long as i can breathe. i mean, i'm not really getting much sleep anyway, so whatever.

also, my back and neck have been mostly fine for the past week but this evening spasmed without warning and i'm just a tad bit miffed about it.

we had to pick mr smear up early from school today - another incident. we've spoken to a bunch of teachers by now, and it looks like he's getting more and more frustrated with not being able to express himself in hebrew and so he's expressing himself in other ways. we've *very* excited that he got into the hop website / content the other day, i've been meaning to sign up for ages and he was loving the games and watching his favourite shows dubbed and i think it's a great step forward.

all things considered he's doing amazingly well, but still - it's hard for him and hard for us because we haven't found a strategy yet that works.

finally, it was a surprisingly good half-workday for me. my team lead came back from sick leave and was very happy with the work i've been doing, and we had a discussion about technology choices for a project that i'm creating and we seem to be well-aligned.

i'm still feeling really grateful to have signed up with these guys.

...

right, it's closing in on midnight, we've had a big day / week / couple of years. i'm going to lie down and either sleep or read, and pray that my nose and chest give me some respite over the next few hours.

mid-week madness

i've got to go to bed soon, this week has been ridiculous so far.

FIRST THINGS FIRST! as of this morning, my wife and son both appear in my population registry record and my son has his israeli id number! next stop, getting gd's status updated - we're hoping to make some progress on sunday morning.

my mom's been here with us since saturday morning, and it's been really great having her here ^_^

on sunday morning i went to the courts and managed to pick up copies of the judgement.

my bank situation's a real mess, i spent an hour yesterday morning with them figuring out how to send money, but a day later and it's now clear to me that i have no access to my credit card account or any human support, and i literally don't have access to my own money at this point :/

i've been over covid since friday, but it took me until today to get clearance certificates from the doctors.

work has been challenging and fun. we're gearing up for (an anticipated) re-org. my coworkers were really impressed by the voiceover i did for our hackathon presentation :)

eye rubbing

a friend of gd's, part of her closest circle, who just gave birth a couple of months ago and has another child about two years old, suddenly had a seizure a couple of days ago and died. we're all reeling and heartbroken.

...

 i finally got a real night's sleep on thursday night for the first time since we started moving, what a pity it was flooded with nightmares.

the end of the work-week was strong, although mr smear and i both appear to have picked up some kind of bug that's going around ("stomache flu" for both of us, and a throat infection for me). pure joy. it was a great excuse to have some me-time yesterday while gd and mr smear joined my mom at her friend's pool, i finally watched the entirety of harlock: space pirate. it's a great movie, really convoluted plot twists and turns but i guess the nature of illusion and manipulation is kind of the point.

certainly, it was more satisfying than don't look up. gd and i watched that during the week and it's pure horror (too real) with zero catharsis. i'm still glad i watched it, i guess.

i guess while i'm writing about my media consumption i should mention that we watched the latest hotel transylvania movie yesterday morning* and i was mortified to see genndy tartakovsky's name all over the credits of such a completely trashy film. i *hope* it's the low point of his career.

* in spite of mr smear being "grounded" for hitting a kid in his class yesterday - i guess it doesn't matter if you're not violent with your kids when other kids are :/

...

we've been granted audience with the consul next week to sign and notarize the lawyer's documents, i'm trying to prepare myself for meeting her because we have some things to say that need to be said very carefully about how they've been treating us.

...

we finally met my nephew's girlfriend on friday night, we had dinner at my cousin's who i managed to meet with during the week for a coffee - he's finally accepting that his divorce is actually happening and i was able to provide him with some measure of relief, so i was happy for the opportunity to help.

...

i'm VERY excited about the latest two pages of the graphic novel which we managed to finalize yesterday! they came out even better than planned due to a slight misreading of my script, and the visual clarity is so good that even mr smear knew exactly what was happening when he saw it ^_^