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Saturday, December 25, 2021

merry christmas

as retribution for a few good night's sleep, the universe (or my neck) made thursday night a nightmare in which i was in so much pain that i couldn't sleep until about 4am, and i woke up yesterday still hurting and dizzy and exhausted. i got through yesterday (it calmed down after a few more hours) but i was still slow and basically took a full day to do less than half a day's work, which did not feel good. at all.

...

gd's documents finally arrived! and we *just* managed to catch our rabbi in time (before he disappeared for a week's vacation) to get another document updated, hopefully we'll get our interview invite soon.

...

i tried to purchase the ps3 king's quest collection today, but the playstation store website is broken. after giving up, i've just installed the king's quest series on my old windows machine and we'll find out tomorrow if mr smear is ready for a (relatively) text-based adventure!

...

this morning being christmas, and my child possessing the critical thinking faculties of a six year old, and my wife accommodating the santa klaus thing in spite of us all having had a very serious conversation about jews and christmas, we had two conflicting experiences: the first, him waking up excitedly to find santa's hat - convincing evidence, of course, that ol' saint nick had been here, eaten the oat energy bars and dropped off the present - and the second, that i was telling him about this week's parasha and we ended up watching joseph: king of dreams before "zoomagogue" which was surprisingly good in spite of the less-than-inspiring soundtrack (even my six year things the music is super cheesy and the singing is far from heartfelt).

speaking of which: gd was talking about having a heart murmur today and i told her she was heart-lithp.

we spent this afternoon with hido's family and had a really great time! and then came home and jumped in the pool, which was also great. now we're arguing over whether to put on the hogfather or the nightmare before christmas.

Wednesday, December 22, 2021

good, bad, either

good things: three days straight of taking mr smear to the pool, he's swimming nicely and we had a lot of fun. his behaviour's also stabilized, and i think all round our family interactions are healthier. i've also made generally good progress at work on a variety of projects.

i finally continued horseman's conversation with swordschool this morning, he's also in - i don't know how much i don't know when it comes to this sort of thing, but i'm excited nonetheless!

not so good things:

UPS managed to get gd's documents to cape town on monday, but have so far failed to deliver them to us. they've now effectively cost us a week, and we were already rushed.

gd's really been having a hard time health-wise this week.

not sure if good or bad:

the apocalypse came early to cape town - the city centre's power went out unexpectedly on monday evening and it took until the next afternoon to get sorted out. we had no phones and no internet, either. fortunately my coworker could accommodate me so i got a half day in at his place yesterday.

i've been going to bed early the past few nights, i feel like i've got so much to do but i also feel like i'm on the edge of burning out and that doing nothing (aside from my day job and parenting) is okay. the good part is that i've had a couple of nights of real sleep, which is very rare for me.

Sunday, December 19, 2021

the week that was

there was much pain, and ugliness, but there were also some great moments.

work-wise:

the week began with a panic to ensure that our customers weren't affected by the log4j security vulnerability, and although our risk was minor i still ended up spending two days fighting with the only java components in our solution which hadn't really been touched in a couple of years. i don't like how some essential java projects don't subscribe to semantic versioning, and can't maintain internal consistency with their own packages. and i don't like javadoc.

otherwise, i managed to knock out some important work, complete some unpleasant tasks and prepare some long-term security measures. the week ended on a strong note, and then yesterday morning my manager sent me a note that our efforts a couple of weeks ago have secured us some new customers, which certainly feels good.

parenting-wise:

good grief. we had two disastrous nights this past week, and we've now understood that our poor kid simply doesn't understand that he *has* to do what his parents and teachers tell him. i mean, literally does not understand. that, and we're three people in this household who have difficulty regulating their emotions. i'm very pleased that we managed to get through those two episodes (and their fallout), but it's been heartbreaking and discouraging.

at least the weekend seems to be going pretty well.

health-wise:

we're fine, but on wednesday - mr smear's last day of school - our cleaning lady rushed off and two days later reported back that she had covid, so we've been exposed and have been isolating. again. this stinks. now we're trying to navigate a sea of (mis)information and figure out whether we should be isolating the 10 days our doctor told us, or whether we should be getting an antigen test tomorrow.

sonnetcomix:

the new page is posted, and horseman and i had a conversation about the project yesterday and he suggested something pretty amazing that is deep in swordschool's domain, so i'm hoping to get him on board with it.

game dev:

my son and i began playing around with unity today, because he wants to turn alphabit into a real game. this is definitely a long-term project, but we made some progress which was pretty cool

Sunday, December 12, 2021

oh, the bureaucats!

 i completely forgot - it *looks* like gd's authenticated documents will be ready for pickup tomorrow. we're *praying* that vfmp manages to pick them up and courier them to us without a hitch. maybe we can move forward with this thing.

better, i think

this parenting thing has rough moments, especially for a decidedly imperfect parent like myself. mr smear was MUCH better behaved overall this week with his screen time reduced to almost zero, and in general things felt smoother between us, but yesterday he got his privileges back: some of it was great fun (we played around with the universe sandbox together, and then hit boomerang fu hard (he'd cheated being grounded by playing it at our neighbour's on friday evening), and things were good. well, until he threw a tantrum because he wasn't winning on the hard level by himself (he claimed the game was cheating).

that eventually resolved well, and the afternoon was fine: we all took the pikmin for a walk around cape town, encountered all the unmasked hordes with no concept of social space was unpleasant, but the falafel from nish nush was great and we levelled up until we unlocked the AR feature which was really cool - although gd got in trouble for squishing one of the pikmin while we were interacting with them...

last night was going great until shower time, at which point mr smear did something really ugly that i can only compare to lucy pulling the football away from charlie brown. this being the millionth time, i reacted badly, and then he reacted badly, and we all had an awful night as a result.

this morning he slipped into our bed and said some hurtful things, after a period of time with no response i eventually got an apology and some resolution. so far, we've had a pretty good day.

...

work was good, but friday was a weird emotional rollercoaster. we spent a few hours doing the annual "top 5", with everyone presenting their highlights of 2021 and some of the presentations were quite touching. what followed was a good day, and then our manager called us in to share a shit feeling about the awesome team t-shirts we made because he's concerned that others think that we feel superior... i've never been so offended by a perceived offence before :/

anyway, i think we'll all be fine, but it was a bit of a downer after an otherwise successful week (even if i didn't make my hours).

...

i've now had two days to recover, i've prepped the script for the next two pages (the current one's looking really good so far), and i've done nothing towards the side project except maybe getting my head (mostly) back in order.

am i addicted to sudoku? i think so. is my son getting the hang of it? i think so. is he reading like a champ? i think so. is he writing nicely? i think so.

okay, it's potter time (movie 3).

Monday, December 06, 2021

the not-so-good days that followed

 wednesday: a nightmare of gd's visa renewal, not only did they leave important items off the checklist but she encountered an obstructive PoS who raised all of our anxiety levels (i was trying to work, my mum was accompanying her). they finally got hold of some sympathetic humans, but my gods, *my* nerves were shot after that and the experience really threw me off for the rest of the week. and by "threw me off", i mean that i felt completely wiped out and wouldn't feel right before the weekend. 

on wednesday morning i dropped mr smear off at school and witnessed an event that inspired us to teach him to handle stuff differently. i'm no longer a fan of jim jefferies, 'cause he's turned out to be more of a shit person than his on-stage persona, but he makes a good point that's directly applicable to my six year old's life. so we've been teaching mr smear to be super-kind to assholes as a form of revenge, and reminding ourselves to as well (gd even got good use out of that exact technique with the obstructive guy from before). it's not clear whether he's ready to put it in practice, but he definitely gets a kick out of the idea.

the consulate hadn't contacted me since i sent them my payment details last monday, they were passive-aggressive on the monday and didn't let up on the wednesday. a short while ago they finally gave me a time for the pick up - next week - so hopefully that'll go okay.

friday: dropping mr smear off in the middle of an intersection in salt river was a weird experience, even if it was with his class. they had fun!

on friday night i went to shul in person to commemorate my grandfather's yahrzeit, it was a good experience. after getting mr smear into bed, i spent some time practising leyning properly for the first time since covid struck.

saturday: i'm amazing that i managed to get up early, practice some more, get to shul, and (mostly) do alright (i needed a couple of prompts, but otherwise i was fine). i was feeling super awkward by the time we got to the end of the service, dunno why.

mr smear had excitedly agreed to go to a casting, and when the time came to get in the car he refused. it was with much drama that we eventually got there, and got through it. we have, during and since the incident, explained to him that it's all about the importance of keeping one's word and sticking to agreements (although him being rude to us also wasn't appreciated), and, except in certain, very specific circumstances, we've "cancelled" his screen time for a week. we had no idea what to expect, but in a mere two days things have become... easier. also, and in our opinion incredibly, today we heard that they'd like him to come in again, and we made damn sure that he understood that if he didn't want to do it he needed to tell us immediately.

he wants to do it.

i'm still in disbelief.

if i was wiped out before, saturday afternoon's episode exhausted me to the point of feeling ill. i spent the rest of the afternoon and the entire night feeling terrible and tired, in bed and sleeping fitfully.

sunday:

and then i woke up, and felt... better. not great, but pretty decent. i published the latest page publicly, and aside from that the biggest achievement of the day was installing pikmin bloom. mr smear came out for TWO walks yesterday, voluntarily, once in a light rain with sailor. sailor joined us for dinner, after which i put mr smear to bed (he insisted on switching from the neverending story to the ocean at the end of the lane, go figure), and then i napped for an hour or so before joining vfmp for an exciting game of thunderstone in which he utterly crushed me.

today:

huh, i guess i should mention that i've been playing a lot of sudoku recently. i find it intriguing that hard is sometimes relatively easy and sometimes really hard.

the first thing that happened today was me saying something surprising (to me) out loud: we're staying here until the end of january. if we don't have our shit sorted out by then, we'll have to live out of luggage for a bit (probably at my mom's), but if we get everything sorted out before then we're still going to stay here until then. it doesn't make sense to not know anything about our own timeline, it's stressful and unnecessary.

my cousin came down with covid, so i dropped off our covid kit this morning, filled the car (shocked at how expensive it was), drove all the way home and only then remembered that there's heavy construction work happening over our heads.

another half-day of work, not good.

during my lunch break (breakfast break, i guess? i'm still intermittent fasting) i took a walk to get t-shirts printed. the first place on the map was non-existent, the second place difficult to find (inside the golden acre, i tried three floors before giving up), the third and fourth places turned out to be the same.

i don't understand why so many businesses don't bother to fix their google maps details.

anyway, i was there for quite a while negotiating with the dude, who seemed genuinely grateful to me for showing him a new way of thinking about doing his job, and i really hope he manages to get it done the way i want it before thursday.

mr smear came out with me for another walk today, so enthusiastic that he was happy to go an extra bit just to grow one of his seedlings. he was excited to name the pikmin, and excited to enter their names himself. and then, when we got home, he was excited to drag me to the jungle gym for a bit, which he hasn't done in ages.

i'm tired, it's late, i'm going to bed. soon. after another quick game of sudoku. i feel better about having posted this. maybe tomorrow or the next day i'll be back into some kind of groove and figure out how to manage my "free" time.