firsts

 this morning got better. mr smear woke up, we had a really good chat (starting with my telling him about my dream, then discussing industrialization's effect on work and sleep hours, then rhetoric and gamification), and then he sat down to draw up a birthday card for my mom.

that ended up taking a while, and a few retries, but we ended up with something nice in the end.

i spent a couple of hours working on my AI harness, and then we all began the pest-control mission on the other half of the kitchen. this took a *long* time, and a lot of it was tense and unpleasant, but we got through it in the end, and pretty much everything is put away safely, minus a couple of things that we need to buy containers for tomorrow.

mr smear negotiated for an hour of minecraft before we headed out for rollerblading training day.

on our way out: big emotions. mr smear's ten, and he's never had to learn to tie shoelaces before. jesus fuck. anyway, we got through it, and he kind of got the idea, and i'm sure he'll get better at it quickly.

the way to the park - which is only a few blocks from our apartment - took a long time, but it consisted of consistent, incremental improvements and i was already pleased from the get-go as the first skill he's begun to grok has been the t-stop. by the time we got to the park, he'd already developed a sensitivity to different brick textures, and once we hit the bicycle path to the ice lolly shack he was already skating, albeit slowly, pretty confidently.

the way back, in spite of one backward upset, was smooth and quick, and then he blew my mind by just walking up the steps without holding on to anything, just like i tried to show him last week 🤯

and the entire time was fun, positive, and entertaining. i'm so damned proud of him, and feeling so damned grateful!

he showered quickly, and then it was dinner time. gd had had a rough day physically, so she skipped dinner to lie down and we watched his youtube playlist, which resulted in me just picking up a copy of star birds. i hope it meets his expectations, but either way i'm happy to send a little money kurzgesagt's way.

i was literally falling asleep before we called my mom, and as soon as i'd said good night to mr smear i hit the bed. and then got up fifteen minutes later, unable to sleep. tomorrow's a big day, so i wonder if i'm going to get anything productive done after posting this, or just de-brain myself quietly...

a day off

 according to dr google i'm at risk of developing a stroke because i used a massager on my neck. i'm not sure that's true, but i'm definitely scared off doing that again as the back of my head's been feeling a bit numb since i did it.

...

i got a relatively good night's sleep last night, minus waking up in the middle of the night with my neck / shoulder locking up and needing more than half an hour of work to be able to return to bed, but little-to-no lower back or hip discomfort.

mr smear, however, did not have a good night. he's clearly properly sick, regardless of yesterday's RAT outcome.

the three of us left him home alone as my mother and i dropped gd off at her physio appointment, then walked about florentin looking for blinds. we eventually found a place, but were rather put off by their charging approximately NIS 500 per small window, and double that per door. we have quite a few windows and doors.

as it is, i'm feeling decidedly financially unstable lately...

we met up with gd and went to meshek barzilay for a really nice lunch. speaking of financially unstable :P

we then returned home for a while - disturbing mr smear's full day of screen time - and a bit later my mom and i paid a visit to the library, where i checked out a better (though not pristine) copy of my name is asher lev. we meandered all over the place until catching a bus home, then meandered between the shops to find vegan marshmallows, then returned home for a relaxed evening.

i mean, it was relaxing for my mother and i, for gd and mr smear not so much. him because he's sick, her because in spite of a good physio session her shoulder's been locking up the whole afternoon.

my mother made - and taught gd to make - her pea soup for dinner, which was delicious ^_^

i've just put mr smear to bed, reading between his coughs, and i'm amazed to see it's 11pm already (O_o)

...

aside from contesting my parking fine, and opening an investigation into our bean bag purchase (after holding for half an hour to be told they'll call me back, after more than a week of trying to get hold of them to find out where our bean bags are), and holding for half an hour with social security to be told that i should just ignore the last message i got from them, i've been made very uncomfortable by the idea that there are authors warning other authors not to so much as quote a lyric of a song - even if it's clear that it's a quote - because that's not considered fair use. i cannot believe that's true, but if it's true, then the state of copyright law is even more awful and even less aligned with its spirit than i thought.

...

i saw a couple of disturbing things today: even "educational" tech is interfering with our kids learning, and this guy's quote is heartbreakingly powerful: "do you know how hard you have to abuse a mammal to make them not have children?"

we're in serious shit as a species right now.

sirens and sex-ed

 > now... probably going to bed soon.

and then, shortly after i wrote that, another houthi attack. having to drag mr smear out of bed, and then afterwards get him back into bed.

i tried reading in bed, but my eyes started closing on me, and i thought that meant that i'd fall asleep soon. but it didn't. i struggled for quite a while. and then, when i did sleep, i managed to injure my neck, and it took a while to work through that.

so i woke up pretty tired this morning.

yesterday, on our way to the dentist, mr smear informed us about a conversation he'd had with some of his new friends about "backshot" - a term for sodomy that we weren't familiar with - so on the way to school this morning i gave him "the talk". it was less awkward than i'd anticipated, and it seems to have landed...

more strike

 the strike continues, on through tomorrow. this morning i took mr smear with me to pick up a parcel, and then took him to work, picking up a mother's day gift for gd along the way.

getting him to do his homework was tough, but aside from that having him in the office was fine and he enjoyed coming with me to build a salad for lunch.

it was another annoying work day, though. slightly less annoying, but annoying nonetheless. but: while i didn't get through what i needed to get through at the office, i did make progress and managed to get things working after getting mr smear into bed. and i got to show off something cool to gd, which was fun.

mourning / scrambling to finish the work / dealing with a strike / not sleeping well / overcompensating by snacking and consuming too much caffeine -> wired, tired, not happy

and my wrist's a little sore from too much minesweeper.

i don't know if i'm ready to rest, but i think i'm ready for the massage kit.

strike^3

 omg.

another strike day, and tomorrow's another one. godsdammit.

the day began alright, then involved a fight over misunderstandings, then (once resolved, at least) i headed to the shiva house. i expected to be the only coworker there, but a few others arrived just before me. i talked to a woman i once served with (who turned out to be my late lead's sister-in-law), spoke briefly with the widow, and spent an interesting while with the parents.

then we bussed back to tel aviv, where i met up with gd and mr smear, took him to mexicana, and we walked to the office and ate there.

by the time i was finished eating i was done. my brain was fried - the sensation i suspect of being a kind of mild narcolepsy - and my coworkers needed me functional.

i wasn't functional.

for a while, at least.

anyway, most of the afternoon was me feeling harassed and not getting any of my work done, while simulatenously feeling guilty about feeling harassed. and at the same time dealing with mr smear who couldn't do his homework on the old computer.

it wasn't a particularly successful day. we came home and enjoyed a great dinner, and then i began falling apart. but i had stuff to do, so after putting mr smear to bed and doing some massage-kit time, i did a little of the work (symbolically little) and then got caught up in bullshit. and now it's late.

so i think i'm going to go to bed soon.

strikes

 jesus, another day of the teacher's strike. and tomorrow's another one.

i slept alright, i guess, but still needed some massage time when i woke up - i feel like consistently using it for long periods on my neck is helping. i did another page of hebrew reading with mr smear, and gd and i had an encouraging parental guidance session.

the work day was long, but alright. tough, pressured, but alright.

it was an enormous relief receiving my payslip and seeing that my broker was right - it was just the last one that was out of whack.

during the day i got a call from gd, who'd realized that mr smear wasn't doing the math homework he'd claimed to have done (fight, battle won). when i got home, i taught mr smear how to make beat in cubase before dinner (minor fight, battle won). at bedtime, we had an issue with closing his door (minor fight, battle mostly won).

i thought i might get some work done tonight, but no. youtube and minesweeper, a bunch of random admin chores, slay the spire, and now... back to youtube while i type this, and then... bed.

definitely down with the sickness

 i don't know what it is, or how long it's been brewing, but yesterday i continued to feel terrible and snotty and last night i began to develop a throat infection... it's currently in schroedinger's box, i guess we'll see.

yesterday:

the first thing - that set the tone for the day - was responding to the "integration teacher":

let's not gaslight the parents, please. it goes without saying that <mr smear> has a responsibility to cooperate and work in the classroom, and we're making every effort to get him to do so. i'll remind you that the school already knew that he had a specific problem with language classes, and in addition to not giving him the lessons that new immigrants are entitled to, you also put him in a class for two years with a teacher he didn't trust - so letting him, in a new year with a new teacher, start on the wrong foot without communicating with the parents is already an unacceptable level of negligence.

let's add to that that we've heard from him that <his teacher> A. has given up on him and told him explicitly that she didn't care what he was doing, and B. doesn't acknowledge him even when he does cooperate, and C. makes up stories that she hasn't given up "but", without trying to communicate with us *after* we said it was neither logical nor reasonable that until about six months ago we hadn't heard from her or about her at all, this is simply appalling behavior from a teacher who is responsible for a very important subject for our son.

shame on you.

it took a while to get going, but by the evening i'd put together the two side tables. it was a rainy day, and i was feeling miserable, so i lay down to rest for a bit with cowboy bebop on.

ten minutes in, i received an urgent call from the school - mr smear was playing in a puddle and slipped, hurting the same foot that he'd injured a few weeks back. i kitted up for the rain and walked to the school and waited for him to hobble out, very slowly and dramatically.

it turns out the woman who walked him out is responsible for the entire grade, and i was pleasantly surprised when she informed me that she'd seen my message from this morning and is going to investigate.

i walked about two blocks with mr smear, trying to gauge whether he needed medical intervention or not, and i felt that it wasn't warranted. but i did feel that a taking a taxi home was warranted, we were moving very slowly and it was threatening to rain again...

i got mr smear home and gd got him into the bath so he could warm up and soak his foot after being soaked in cold, wet clothing for so long. i lay back down on the couch and continued with cowboy bebop, and mr smear joined me after his bath and the two of us just chilled like that for a while.

until gd arrived to pop my bubble and send me off to the pharmacist. so i begrudgingly dragged myself off the couch, got dressed up again, and walked to the pharmacist. from there i decided to try to pick up the packages that i'd been led to believe had arrived at a post point for me, and i walked through the rain until i found the place and discovered that i'd misunderstood the tracking alerts.

i passed by zuppa on the way, so i picked up an "old time vegetables" soup and struggled home, each step reminding me that in addition to general fatigue, every step i take wearing my heavy rain boots is effectively lifting weights.

gd and i enjoyed the soup when i got home, and i spent the rest of the afternoon doing dishes, helping mr smear with his homework, and putting the bedside tables together. for gd's birthday, we ordered dinner and it was delicious.

...

i realized yesterday that i hadn't checked our bank account since the beginning of the month, and was both excited and confused to see a lot more money than i'd anticipated. it's very easy to do the math wrong - not least because my first paycheque in the new job will only be for half a month. that notwithstanding, this way these events have all played out will prove to be a significant windfall and we'll finally be able to clear our debt!

...

we had some unpleasant business due to my mother asking me in afrikaans if we'd made a card for gd, and gd's very sensitive about people speaking in different languages in front of other people, so mr smear and i ended up being a lot less subtle in kicking gd out of the room so that we could put it together :P

i pretty much crashed after mr smear went to bed.

today:

mr smear and i woke gd up with singing and her card, but with his foot he wasn't up for going to school or checking out the art school's open day, so we had a quiet morning until gd started becoming nervous about getting his foot checked out.

so here we are, sitting at an aroma waiting until 1pm when the doctors and x-ray operators arrive...

norms

 why am i awake so late? i've been soooo tired lately...

getting mr smear to school was fine, and i actually put a layer of spackle over where i cleared the peeling crud off mr smear's walls, as well as put in the first line of polyfill around the cupboard in our passageway.

so that was good.

gd and i arrived a bit late for our parental guidance session because the bus we were waiting for disappeared. it felt like a good sessions.

getting gd onto a bus to get to the dentist for another first aid meeting - she's been so scared to crack her other tooth that she's lost 2kg in just a week, which is distressing - took so long that i ended up quite late for work.

it was a pretty productive day, i guess, and my cousin's kid has just moved into an office on our floor and that's both cool and awkward at the same time :P

i left late, and was really pressured for time because i had to go to a lecture at mr smear's school that i was dreading. mr smear informed me that he had not, in fact, had another perfect day, but in retrospect it doesn't seem like such a big deal. then again, i've only heard his side of the story...

the lecture was about setting norms for tech use across the school, and i initially presumed that the school would be interfering with parents' choices. this immediately put me on the defensive because i don't trust anyone with those sorts of intentions to also be operating in an evidence-based manner. by the end of it, though, i was convinced not only that this initiative is well-informed, but that they have an approach that really does make sense.

assuming the prinicipal doesn't screw it up.

gd and i watched some pantheon, which was brilliant, and i've played some crying suns, and i'm now pretty sure that i'm ready for bed.

...

i've been battling with a mosquito for the last hour or two, it's infuriating.

the rollercoaster intensified

 thursday:

thursday started off well, and i'm pleased to say that mr smear received another glowing report in the afternoon about how well he behaved!

confirmed: it's not that he can't cooperate and get the job done. it's that he lacks the proper motivation. you don't need to medicate a child and potentially handicap them into order to get them to comply. speaking of which, i think chatgpt was lying to me when it said it would process the PDF i uploaded and get back to me, but in the meanwhile, i got it to translate chapter by chapter and compiled it myself.

so i just checked in with the PDF production:

omg, chatgpt is even worse than a real human! 🤣

work was alright, it was harder to implement my boss's feedback than i'd anticipated but i'd made good headway by the time i left. along the way, we had a frontend emergency in production and it was really nice to be able to figure it out and fix it quickly.

i was disappointed to learn that the art school we want to enroll mr smear in is in such high demand that it works on a lottery system, so even if he does everything perfectly he might still not be able to get in...

yesterday:

waking up to news of the pogrom in amsterdam. and the horrific online shit-show that followed. of course the jihadists can justify it. of course. of course the police didn't intervene. of course.

our enemies have always liked to compare us to vermin. we're the one "protected group" that the woke don't care to protect.

just a head's up though: when us "rats" start fleeing, it means your ship is sinking.

gd's been taking things really, really hard.

otherwise, it was a quiet day, continuously punctuated by that anxiety.

i woke up from the following dream: i left my bag on a train after a post-lecture lecture in which everyone around me couldn't see me, only gd in a swimsuit instead.

panicked about losing my computer, i tried to understand what to do while whoever had it easily unlocked it and was messing with my company. i got a call from a threatening encoded voice but it didn't say anything helpful, i called my boss, and he told me he'd been receiving the same calls. 

i tried to brush my teeth in an outside sink but this homeless-looking mime wanted toothpaste. he did something weird with the toothpaste and i got angry with him, as in a almost clocked him, and gd got between us to stop me from getting into trouble.

all of a sudden he stopped his performance and took me to show me that he'd somehow managed to retrieve my computer. i helplessly and humbly expressed my gratitude, and asked him, incredulously, "how?!"

he took me to a secret spot on the hill about the square, dug up and opened a container, introducing me to a giant flea that he appeared to regard as a pet.

we had some drama when picking up mr smear from school because we thought he'd lost his pencil case - that would be the second time in a few months, and it's a really expensive thing to replace - but it was a huge relief to discover that his teacher had found it and put it in his locker...

we did some cleaning in the afternoon. at some point, mr smear cut up a mango by himself for the very first time. also, i soaked some dried pineapple (unsweetend) in lemon juice and it was a surprisingly good experience.

sailor came over for dinner. it was an enjoyable evening, we ate too much and it was great, and we even had coffee afterwards, in part because i didn't want to fall asleep too early, again.

but i totally fell asleep too early, again. not even the caffeine could stop it.

today so far:

we all slept in this morning, and it's a beautiful, beautiful day so far. mr smear's still snotty and coughing, i think we're going to take it pretty easy on ourselves after such an insane week.

mostly good

it's midnight [as i start writing this]. i've just gotten home, brushed my teeth and showered, and i'm enjoying a cup of chamomile in the hopes that it (along with the antihystamine i just took) will counter the effects of the turkish coffee i had a couple of hours ago.

nystire just dropped me off at home after we paid a visit to an army friend (the one who emigrated to montreal) who's just been here because his father passed away. i'm really glad we got to spend a little time with him before he leaves this coming morning.

...

saturday:

it was a lazy day, spent doing lazy things. in the early afternoon gd and i left mr smear at home and had coffee with our friends, which was nice, and once again we returned to catch mr smear watching a youtube channel he's not supposed to. i'm grateful, though, that while we all deem it inappropriate, it's far less worrying stuff than it could be :/

in the afternoon i coerced mr smear into trying corn schnitzel on challah with the "sauce" from friday's cholent, and after he finally acquiesed he realized that it really is amazing :P

i finished the first volume of one piece, which is truly excellent.

i signed up to try out the latest iteration of chatgpt, 4o, and as a professional developer i was shockingly disappointed. i'm still stunned at how ridiculously overhyped it's capabilities are, and i'm relieved that they gave me a refund without too much hassle. $20 for something that i probably won't use is just too much.

yestertoday:

gd's tooth's been hurting her, so this morning was mainly about figuring out where she should go next. she's agreed to give a different medical-aid clinic a try before going to a private dentist. gods help us.

i was a little concerned about how things would go with my boss this morning, but i needn't have been. he was happy with my decision and there was no stress on that count, and i was very pleased to be able to show him good results by the end of the day. i'm very happy with the results, myself.

via GIPHY

those results would have been in much earlier had i not been sidetracked by an annoying dependency issue again, the third in as many weeks, that took most of my work hours to sort out.

but if i'm being honest, i'm really happy with a bunch of changes i managed to sneak in along with the fix, so that's okay :P

i rushed out the office a bit later than planned, but managed to get home in time for us all to go together to the parent-teacher meeting. i'm relieved and excited to report that mr smear has, in spite of himself, been doing extremely well. he's very lucky to have such a caring teacher, and i really hope he makes the most of the last month or two of the school year. the fact that his hebrew reading isn't the worst in his class of native speakers is good news, and his maths is clearer sufficient. i feel like gd and i (along with his hebrew tutor) have managed to keep him mostly up to speed, and that's not nothing.

is it really allergies?

 i dunno. i mean, i definitely didn't feel sick today, but my nose was still stuffy as hell and i had a few "it's raining mucus" events during the day that went on for a while.

one of my coworkers is still clearly sick and coughing openly, another seems to be experiencing allergies, and our boss is definitely sick as well. so i was feeling really bad for the one coworker who wasn't sick, sitting right in the middle of the room...

mr smear voluntarily did his hebrew reading homework this morning (thank you, translated spider-man!) and now i'm on the lookout for the next one. after dropping him off at school and doing the usual morning things, i went past the clinic to arrange an emergency appointment for gd and then headed to the office.

first thing: i won't be getting barista coffee any more. it made sense when i was drinking lattes, which i'm now avoiding because the barista milks have oil in them and i don't react well. it even made sense when our previous barista (who quit last week) was making them, because he was quick and pleasant. the new guy is nice, but he's slooooooooooow.

via GIPHY

when i joined the queue, there were about five or six people ahead of me. and i stood there for upwards of ten minutes waiting my turn. holy shit.

the work day - getting through a full pack of tissues notwithstanding - went well. i made slow and steady progress on my frontend project until everything finally clicked in the afternoon, and everyone (but mostly me) was excited by the results!

i ate too much of the curry leftovers for lunch, but that aside i ate pretty well today.

...

mr smear didn't participate in class today, which i guess could have been worse but we still have to try to herd him on that score. i feel like we all did okay today.

friday afternoon homework experience

 well, i'm sitting here [as i start writing this post] helping mr smear with his hebrew homework, after yet another fight about doing the homework, which we only won because i threatened to eat the last ice lollie; once he agreed to sit down, he then protested again but on the grounds that he doesn't want to be in israel... gd and i sat down and (once again) explained why canada and south africa aren't options (the dangers of global antisemitism, and why canada would be worse for him, because he'd be going through all of the same stuff but in french), and now we're moving through the homework pretty smoothly.

good grief.

this morning i woke up at 3.30am, dragged myself out of bed and made a cup of coffee and walked to the car and drove to the airport to pick up our cousin, and arrived only a handful of minutes before she walked out from customs. it's so good to see her again!

we dropped her luggage off at her hotel, then i dropped her off at our place, returned the car, and caught a bus home. everyone was awake and hungry, so we walked to our favorite coffee shop for coffee and breakfast. then i hopped on a bus headed to dizengoff center, called my mom to check in, took her advice and hopped off the bus, and walked to the weizman center instead to pick up a SIM card for a fraction of the price that they're selling them at the airport.

i did a grocery shopping, stopped on the way home for an amazing breakfast bagel, and then returned to crash on the couch. later, after unboxing the care package for my mom (a few packets of salted liquorice and some books, including the one with the song/poem i was looking for ^_^).

i walked her to the train station, organized a ravkav card for her, then we took the light rail straight to her hotel. i said goodbye, jumped on the next one back, and have since eaten and been helping with the homework [at this point we're almost done].

i'm really impressed by today's light rail experience!

yesterday:

the work day was intense. it started with a fight about whether to use jsonb in a postgres database, this time with me on team "yes". i managed to get that done fairly quickly, and i was really happy with it by the time it was merged, but the next part gave me trouble until i eventually went home for the weekend with an unsatisfied feeling.

in the middle of the day, i went to pick mr smear up from the school. i had just enough time to eat too much lunch along the way.

wednesday:

mr smear's school trip (for which we postponed his allergy test): a video was sent on the parents' group of the kids all chanting "shame", and i found out later that the bus driver's license had expired. the kids had a good time in the nature reserve and on its sand dunes; i needed an hour and a half off work to pick mr smear up afterwards, only he decided to head to his friend's place and i made the whole trip for nothing (although we're grateful he's socializing, so that takes priority). after work i picked him up on my way home.

...

my roastie seems to be healing nicely now. my sinuses / allergies / whatever are still a problem. gd's foot's even worse now.

we're still almost done with the homework.

looming

yesterday:

i slept pretty well. there was some unpleasantness in the morning, though we got over it. i'm very happy that i was in good enough shape to rollerblade to work, but i'm a bit concerned about one of the clips on my new blades.

the work day was full of mixed feelings: a lot of stress due to a new release with some issues, but a lot of satisfaction completing two big tasks and learning a lot of small but important things along the way.

twin peaks is interesting and entertaining, but it's also a phenomenally effective sedative.

today:

i slept pretty well again. otherwise, i should mention that today began with a lot of stress, and a lot of the day could be described by the phrase "everything is broken".

i was responsible for waking up mr smear this morning, and it went better than yesterday. he didn't move particularly quickly, but quickly enough that i had time to help him revise for his geometry test. which he aced, so we're all feeling good about it.

i rushed off to work early this morning in order to be able to accompany gd to a social security appointment regarding upskilling assistance, it was an interesting meeting and i'm very curious to hear what the "vocational doctor" has to say.

on the way there, everyone in tel aviv's GPS went haywire, so that was messy. and iran's threatening to attack us, so that's... fun.

some of the work day was good, but some of it was very frustrating. the happy-hour vegan "crêpes" wasn't good, but the whiskey made up for it. i got a good amount of grocery shopping done on the way home, which will make tomorrow's pre-shabbat run much easier.

now to play some more bloons adventure time on my way to bed.

test nerves

yesterday was a pretty relaxed day. i continued working really hard on the tool, i'm almost done and it's looking good.

halfway through the day i got a phone call: mr smear had a bit of an anxiety attack when the test was put in front of him :(

but i also got a really nice message from his teacher informing me that he was generally behaving well and cooperating :)

falafel for lunch with the team and one of my coworkers' very pregnant wife, i brought the vinegar but the chips were for the table (i should have ordered my own).

happy hour shenanigans: the boss ordered a vegan ice cream for me, but it was only a thin layer over non-vegan ice cream. he was pissed off, but i just had great whiskey instead.

...

i actually slept alright on the mattress topper last night, but we were all particularly tired this morning as we'd lost an hour due to the time change. i dropped mr smear off at school, picked up the last of the post-hospitalization laundry and a disappointing bagel, then headed out to nes tziona on a mission for new rollerblades.

firstly, i really appreciated the owner letting me ride around to get a feel for the different models. i ended up taking the first offered, the very pricey ones, but only because both of the cheaper models i tried hurt me in different ways. i think these ones are good - the tempish wenox top 100. and the sale experience was worth travelling two or three hours by bus.

while i was there, my mom called me in hysterics because our xth-cousin yth-removed (we say sixth, but i've no idea how we're related) got the job she was praying for by eating pasta every day >D

i've spent most of the afternoon napping or snacking, although i did have a good chat with horseman. mr smear's friend just left after an intense gaming session, and i'm now drinking a green tea and hoping that tonight will be a good (internal) clock reset.

i don't know if gd's overly sensitive, or sufficiently sensitive, but this is the fourth bag of flour she's thrown out and i can't smell anything wrong with it. anyway, happy wife happy life...

mr smear hadn't done any of his homework yesterday, so he's completing it right now - rushing to get it done before sunset so that he doesn't lose shabbat privileges :P

topper of the morning

tuesday:

mr smear not wanting to get out of bed, massive drama getting him out of bed but then gd figuring out why - he was upset by some girls who'd pointed and laughed at his eye on his last day at school.

a good start to the work on the really interesting tool i've been tasked with building. a building "whiskey tasting" event followed by an all-hands with better whiskey.

excitedly picking up the mattress topper on the way home.

the fight over fighting and spillover/leftovers from february's events, with me taking a walk and us eventually "agreeing to disagree".

watching the first half of the first episode of twin peaks. terrible acting, but very interesting nonetheless.

sleeping on the mattress topper: not bad, not as comfortable as the couch, but i did sleep.

yesterday:

a good start to the day, and a very focused day working on the tool. finishing the day constructing a monitor arm, trying to pick up laundry on the way home but getting there too late, and successfully getting mr smear through math test prep.

a pleasant evening, finishing the first episode of twin peaks, crashing.

waking up in pain in the middle of the night to move to the couch :(

dethpicable / the hole

yesterday:

morning compassion for gd after hearing a comparison between daffy duck and her brother, then an afternoon go-fuck-yourself over homework, leaving us with a pretty deep sense of betrayal. the evening was kind of okay, though.

gd finishing mivtza savta, i'm very glad she enjoyed it!

a long workday being walked through a complicated process and formalizing a protocol to upgrade a blockchain node, seemingly successful.

a fun game night with vfmp, we discovered sudoku moyo on yucata while trying to install magic the gathering arena (i didn't know it was on mobile!)

today:

gd's alarm pulling me out of a nightmare in which i'd rescued some girl from a couple of guys who'd used some kind of drug that had made them zombie-like, and they chased me up a flight of stairs. when the alarm went off i'd just realized that my attempts to kick them down the stairs were utterly futile and i woke up with a deep sense of despair.

this morning we authorized mr smear's evaluation for attention issues.

this morning i gave our landlady a stern talking to when i realized she'd managed to misinterpret the plumber's very specific and clear explanation of the work he did last week and the need to do the bigger work. smh

it was a good morning until i discovered that the upgrade yesterday had broken something in monitoring, and it was really hard figuring out what because i've been spoiled by good observability tools from my previous employer.

gd watched zero motivation this morning, and i'm very pleased to report that she enjoyed that too :)

gd's still really struggling to breathe, and so i picked up mr smear, had a good chat with him, dropped him off at his tutor and went to the coffee shop to work over a cup of coffee for half an hour.

the only coughing fit i had today was at the coffee shop, surrounded by other people.

i picked mr smear up - he received good praise from his tutor - rushed him home, and eventually managed to figure out what the problem was. overall, it was a successful day, and mr smear was happy to do his math (prodigy) homework after learning that he didn't have to do additional hebrew after his lesson :P

discovering the hole in my nostril wall before bathtime. like, a proper hole. i need to go to the clinic tomorrow :(

gd upset about me "over-sharing". even if i disagree with her i get where she's coming from.

mr smear's in bed, and i've written this, and we're about to settle in and start watching walk on water.

worse, or better?

 omg, i feel awful, but slightly less awful than when i passed out a few hours ago. and slightly less awful than the first half hour / hour after i woke up again. my sinuses, my nose, my throat and my chest are really messed up.

it's probably covid. i should go get a RAT tomorrow.

getting mr smear up and at 'em this morning was work, but slightly less than for school. gd and i continued our "homework" listening to wired for love, and she had a revelation similar to mine regarding its application to one's relationship with one's children. honestly, if ever there was going to be an official guide to parenting, i'd recommend this book being the one.

we all went to the hospital for mr smear's allergy test this morning, but i soon sent gd home because she was coughing incessently and uncontrollably. i was snotty, but not coughing, except for two occasions: the first coughing fit was exactly as the skin prick test started, and the second was while waiting in line for food.

so that was embarrassing.

we were there for almost three hours, and we were bored out of our minds. well over an hour waiting for our 9.40 appointment that we'd arrived on time for, the a five minute chat with the allergist, then a wait for the test, then the test itself plus fifteen minutes plus review, and then at least another hour waiting for one mom to finis her conversation with the doctor so we could get our two minute send-off.

and - and i cannot stress this enough - i was feeling like absolute dogshit.

on the way out mr smear decides he wants a laffa, so we head into the food court. as we're walking in, a mother is wheeling her clearly very sick kid out in a wheelchair, mr smear looks at him and gags loudly in an exaggerated way and at the top of his lungs goes "that kid! that kid!". i wanted to die. i rushed him inside to explain that that was really cruel, but it's still blowing my mind that i needed to explain that 🤯

i tried to go to the clinic on the way home to get authorization for - oh, yeah! so from the results it looks like mr smear might not be allergic to dairy any more! or dogs, or cats. having said that, gd made a good point that it was less than a year ago when he last had a reaction. i think i may have forgotten to mention that to the allergist...

... shit.

anyway, we tried to go to the clinic but the queue was ridiculous, and i was falling apart.

finally, we arrived home, and i declared that i was going to lie down for a bit, before taking mr smear to his therapy session. we had yet another argument about him doing his homework and chores, but it included a very constructive moment of us talking about and forgiving each other for the saturday/sunday blowouts and our responses to them.

things were fine when we left the apartment, but something triggered him into being angry again and i'm still not sure how things calmed down by the time we got on the bus.

i dropped him off, feeling a complete mess, then sat outside with a decaf coffee and updated my mom / listened to an interesting article about dune and seven pillars of wisdom.

i picked up mr smear, who'd drawn an intriguing picture of slenderman that looked like it might well be a portrayal of me during the tantrums.

we returned home, where what *should* have happened was me continuing to feel like shit while mr smear took care of his homework.

ha, ha, ha.

it was another difficult evening, though we did (thanks to gd's input, though she doesn't remember doing anything) finally manage to get through some things. and then it was dinner time, bath time, bed time, and i have to say that as the days go by i'm becoming more and more convinced that he does have some kind of attention issue, or perhaps is on the spectrum as a really high-functioning autistic.

...

the nose / chest thing is coming in waves. i'm so fucking tired.

the chop

tuesday:

another infuriating waste of time at the clinic on the way to work, improved somewhat by a breakfast bagel.

i got my hair cut on tuesday, gd was so upset she refused to let me leave yesterday morning without fixing it :P

but it was overall a pleasant experience.

yesterday:

i began my day with a mindblowing conversation: the end of the 90 day window for me purchasing my options from my previous employer is fast approaching. i messaged my previous boss - the one who was laid off during our second round - to see if he's purchased his yet. he purchased some of them, giving an interesting reason of FOMO, and i asked if he feels that their 2024 is off to a good start.

he proceeded to inform me that my boss (originally my team lead) and the company's star researcher both left right after me.

HOLY SHIT.

so the first takeaway is that i'm not going to purchase my options, and i'm going to feel confident that they're not going to do anything amazing. the second takeaway is that i left just in time. the third, that that's the second time in a row that i've left a team and it's immediately fallen apart. i know it's not causational, but it feels... weighty.

...

on the way to work, i managed to clear one of the two authorization hurdles at the clinic. then i had another breakfast bagel.

i had to skip lunch with the team because i was in an awful meeting with the school about mr smear, but apparently the lunch trip didn't go very well either. mr smear's struggling, in particular with hebrew language, which is taught by the decidedly incompetent teacher he despises.

it's really not fair. our alternatives are to either try to switch schools - that doesn't seem like a smart move right now - or get him up to speed in spite of them. and that means a tutor, which is more money we don't have, and less chance of getting gd into sewing classes which she's been begging for for ages.

aside from all that joy, mr smear and i had a good conversation which was followed by an absolute meltdown last night. in retrospect, i could easily have avoided it, but once it was on it was on. thank fuck this morning started off on a better note.

...

nystire sent me an update yesterday, after NINE LONG YEARS his wife / mother of his two israeli children finally got cleared for permanent residence! we're so pleased and relieved for them, it's nothing short of miraculous.

the day

 i finally got back to sleep an hour or two later, and felt completely broken when my alarm forced me to drag myself out of bed. gd put a plaster on my sore thumb, and it was very frustrating not being able to use my phone properly all day.

after dropping mr smear off at school, i sat down to work on the regex package and i've been working on it on and off the whole day. it's going well, i think. it's already feeling a lot more polished (what i have locally, not what's published).

gd and i bused to the mall, on the way getting splashed at the bus stop even when we were hiding behind it. we grabbed a coffee, then i purchased a pair of pants. it was only after i was done that gd decided that she needed stuff too, and by the time we eventually got to the cashier there was a line of infuriatingly slow people.

ugh.

from there we did a grocery shopping, which also took a lot longer than i've become used to, and then we picked up a small box and ribbon for mr smear's homework assigned by the teacher he detests. i gotta say, now that i've seen what the assignment is based on, and combined with our experiences with her over the past year and a half, i'm feeling pretty strongly that his teacher's an asshole. or, at the very least, that she has asperger's.

the book says to imagine the gift, and maybe draw it. not to bring a physical gift. FML.

anyway, we got home barely in time for me to go and pick up mr smear, who'd had quite a day - incidents in both his classes, kids put glue on his jacket in one class and another kid messed with him at the end of the other.

*sigh*

i passed out on the couch for a while, eventually becoming functional again.

in the afternoon, with some cajoling and a break in the middle, i managed to get mr smear to do his homework. he thought it would be cool to right a letter and send a(n imaginary) giftto buggy the clown pirate. i guess this is going to be interesting...

after bathtime we discovered that he's made himself afraid again, but this time it was 100% his own fault: he admitted to us that earlier, he'd muted the ipad and watched a scary thing on youtube that he knew we wouldn't have approved of.

fuck.

so we're back to a blanket ban on youtube, and no roblox without an adult present.

gd went to bed before we were able to finish watching episode 16 of freaks and geeks. i've spent the hours since watching things about and engaging with antisemites, working on the regex package, and sinking ever-deeper into the bloons adventure time hole. i started playing the who's lila? demo the other day, i really should get back to that. maybe i'll do that now before i crash.

stormy

 something in my shoulder just went. it's very uncomfortable. also, it appears that it's cold enough outside that so much moisture has condensed on our windows that my hands seemingly-instantly went super dry. we're still struggling with mold - and wetness over our fridge - and this morning gd alerted me to a growing leak from a poorly-maintained pipe in our bathroom so we have a plumber coming in early tomorrow.

a detective got back to me this afternoon about yesterday's incident, to ask if i was willing to testify in court and to explain how easy it would be for the driver to get off on a technicality. i realized that i'd lost my temper the moment i registered that i was yelling expletives at a policeman... he seemed to be understanding, though, but the telephone booths in our building haven't got a bit of sound-dampening so i know that our whole floor heard me :$

otherwise the work day went pretty well. my boss is now referring to apples as "vegan croissants".

i came home early intending to take gd and mr smear to the parent-teacher meeting, but the storm broke just before we were due to leave and i said nuh-uh. so instead i helped mr smear with his reading comprehension practice, which was quite positive until he decided to try running out the clock, a strategy that solidly backfired on him.

oh, and mr smear drew a very disturbing, very gory series of sketches at school today. it doesn't look like there's any malicious intent, he claims he wasn't feeling anything in particular and just wants to freak people out. we explained that it's not appropriate at all to show that stuff to anyone other than us or his therapist. fuck. fuck, fuck, fuck.

bath-and-bedtime was going well until he got into a mood, and as soon as he began regulating his emotions i somehow made it worse by praising him. that triggered a downward spiral into a shitty bedtime.

now i've had some chill-time, and i might well go for some more. or go to bed. or somehow find the will to figure out how to reconfigure my email service because after everything i went through to get my code working, my emails are now being dropped due to an updated policy by my service provider.