crash

 i woke up early to go to the hygienist. the experience was less painful than i anticipated. apparently i need to use a softer brush.

i bussed (very actively enjoying my music) to work, where i made the regrettably awkward decision to not go for coffee with our CEO because i'd just been at the hygienist (like, i didn't have to buy anything).

my new coworker and i spent a good ten minutes troubleshooting the coffee machine, and i was shocked to discover that he'd been unwilling to toss the extra trial-and-error coffees so he was drinking them (O_o)

i spent a chunk of the day completing the 1am story, and for the most part it looks like i succeeded. and, for the first part, it looks like the work i was doing before i encountered that stuff was good. the central part of the work day was a meeting for our algo team that i'd initiated, which was generally productive. unfortunately, bigtalk kept suggesting solutions to problems nobody has, which was a bit awkward.

amusingly, i found myself unwittingly describing the act of connecting, enabling and disconnecting as "tune in, turn on, drop out". two people in the meeting laughed, for everyone else it went over their heads , which would have been fine but they demanded an explanation. fortunately that was only a little bit awkward and passed quickly enough :P

the salad group's salad was great. the post-salad leftover chocolate-and-peanut-butter cake was also great. i feel like i'm doing a pretty good job of getting others to help me with it.

the most important piece of the work was a bit intimidating, so as part of gearing up for it i made myself a non-caffeinated drink; the only one i could find that tasted good was a vanilla chamomile tea, and then all of a sudden (probably because drinking chamomile is my go-to i'm-going-to-bed-soon move) i felt really drowsy as the previous couple of days caught up with me all at once.

so i left early.

it was hot.

the tech ops guy called me as i was about to get home, already feeling faint, with more problems.

i was feeling faint, and in desperate need of a nap, but i was so sweaty from the ride home that i had to shower before i could nap. i napped to the first episode of hunter x hunter, and woke up to mr smear playing insanely difficult levels he configured for himself in spiderheck.

dinner was delicious. afterwards, while mr smear prepared for bed, i ran tech support for my mom whose old email address had suddenly stopped working. we eventually came right, but not without some big feelings. then i read some more of the neverending story to mr smear and gd, and then arsed around as an excuse to drink another chamomile before finally going to bed.

...

and then getting up at 3.30am after being restless for a fairly long while.

...

the incoming manager reached out to me for an update, and i found myself in the weird position of trying to explain to him that the situation with bigtalk isn't entirely straightforward. i think i have a pretty good handle on him, he's not a bad guy and his work - when he understands the requirements - is excellent. but his ability to understand the requirements is clouded by his ego and inexperience, and his second-languageness in both hebrew and english, and his attention disorder. while at present it's safe to say he's better off as a one-man show, it's not going to be good for him in the long run to not have proper mentorship.

farewell

 i slept alright, i guess. aside from a couple of nightmares, and the terrifying thought that if something happened to my mom i'd have to make a choice between sorting out her affairs and not leaving israel for a country with an unreasonably high risk of bad things happening.

this morning was a bit of a mess, largely trying to figure out what to do about mr smear's therapy sessions and summer camp activities for the next few weeks.

my mom and i walked to the bank to move some money around, and picked up coffee and onion bagel to share (i've never seen anyone split a bagel in two so precisely with their hands before) before heading home to prepare for her flight.

we took the train to the airport, and managed to get her through the check-in process just as i needed to join a zoom meeting for work - the first ten minutes of which i spent frustratedly trying to get zoom to connect to my bluetooth headphones.

it was a long meeting, and while i'm glad i was understood i was embarrassed by my inability to communicate my thoughts clearly, and frustrated by a general sense of the meeting being about the wrong stuff.

and that it took exactly enough time to prevent me from being able to spend time with my mother during her last hour in tel aviv.

we sent her off, and made our way to the train, and returned back home, and the rest of the afternoon was relatively peaceful and easy. i've got one book left in the asterix omnibus we bought for mr smear, the comics are just as great as i remembered and they've really aged well.

but a little too quiet without my mom. mr smear's really sad she's left.

...

after dinner, we sat mr smear down and had a very big conversation about gd's history that was triggered by a weird thing he said the other day. there's no right time to tell a child that kind of thing, but there's definitely a wrong time (like when they've found stuff out for themselves, or worse - the hard way). i think it went as well as could be expected, but gd's clearly anxious that it was the wrong thing to do.

i guess we'll find out as we go ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

...

tomorrow's back to work, after taking mr smear to his therapy session, and then managing the "handylady" who's coming to fix our curtain rail(s).

i really, really hope i manage to sleep tonight.

the first day

 i managed to sleep alright last night, but i was pretty anxious this morning. i made sure that mr smear understood what the meeting was going to be about, and i'll be honest, by the time it was done i was quite relieved that i hadn't posted anything on social media.

after quite the interrogation - including a hilarious part for which i had to bite my tongue* - we ascertained that the social boycott we thought was happening isn't really happening. but we also established that the bullying and violence is very real, and that they need to make a move on dealing with it. additionally, they pretty much convinced me that moving mr smear out of the class right now isn't the best move (mainly because his current teacher and her incoming replacement are, to their minds, the most sympathetic / best suited to deal with mr smear) and that it's worth waiting for the recommendation from the evaluation (which should be concluding this week).

* mr smear was pretty insistent on how unfair it was that his bully was recognized for doing good schoolwork, even after we'd all explained that it was irrelevant :P

the meeting didn't produce an amazing feeling by any stretch, but i walked out feeling like things were relatively okay.

the meeting ended much later than i'd hoped, so i scrambled to get to my new office as soon as i could. the morning was spent meeting lots of interesting people, getting the tour, beginning to get my computer and office access set up, joining my first standup, followed by a very long but surprisingly intelligible presentation on our architectural overview.

it's been an extremely long time since i was introduced to a system that just makes sense. it's elegant, and i feel considerably more at ease about what i'm getting into.

i went with my (for now) manager to get breakfast / lunch (it was around 3pm already), and until i tucked in i hadn't actually realized just how hungry i was. and i managed to stop eating a little after hitting the "too much" point, even though it was absolutely delicious.

after we returned, i made myself a (really strong) coffee and resumed setting up my machine, at which point gd called to inform me that she couldn't find the authorization form for her nerve block... so i sighed loudly, and rushed home to grab it and my family and walk to the pain clinic.

the process was, from start to finish, more straightforward than usual and much quicker than anticipated.

...

the taxi home, though, was completely ridiculous. we were picked up by an old lady taxi driver, who immediately took offense that she could smell that gd had just smoked cannabis, complaining that it would damage her lungs. this turned into a very weird argument, at which point i pulled out my phone and she said "you think google's going to convince me?!"

once we'd established that it wasn't dangerous, she went on a tirade about some (probably fictitious) bride in her wedding dress who refused to get in her taxi once because she smelled... weed? cigarettes? who knows. so i asked if this had occurred once, or if it had occurred many times. to which she responded: "if i told you only once, what would that mean?"

"that she had issues."

ooooh, shit. the taxi driver began berating me for daring to judge a stranger i'd never met. eventually, still very heatedly, she asked "and what difference would it make if it was many passengers?"

"that their behavior was somewhat normal, and therefore somewhat reasonable."

at that point we were approaching our street, so she slowed down very dramatically to share a "tip for life" with me: that if you're arguing with someone and they're starting to show signs of losing interest, you should stop arguing. with that, she dropped us off, and i gave her the single-star rating she deserved.

holy shit, some people should not be working in the service industry.

we got gd upstairs, mr smear showered, dinner served, discussed marijuana usage with mr smear (who'd understood most of the argument, and was surprisingly completely on my side), who assured me that he would never smoke (cigarettes) "because i made a vow to my dad", and who paid attention when i explained the risks of consuming illicit drugs while one's brain is still forming...

anyway.

we had a good good-night chat with my mom, and had enough time between dinner and bedtime for me to shower and join mr smear for some calvin & hobbes. i am soooooo glad i managed to get hold of those comics!

after putting him to bed, i continued setting up my machine, and also started a fantastic run in kaycee's mod abusing the fair-hand mechanic:

unkillable hooved tribe totem FTW.

and now it's half-past-midnight and definitely past my bedtime.

sad - hopeful - sad

monday:

it was supposed to be a half day, but ended up being more like three quarters because one of my coworkers and i were stuck investigating sunday's mystery. we managed to narrow down where the mystery is occuring, but it's still a mystery. at least we could put a plaster over it in the meantime and our boss has prioritized root-causing it.

it was a quiet afternoon, mostly just listening to galgalatz and contemplating the hostages, the victims, the fallen soldiers...

... and experiencing a flood of political discussion in a group of apparent "movers and shakers" that gco introduced me to.

the switch to independence day was somber. we ordered burgers (delicious, but i really shouldn't have eaten all the fries), and then i took mr smear for a walk.

it's hard to say "chag sameach" right now, and it feels like most of us are feeling that. but i'm overflowing with gratitude and hope nonetheless.

we went for a walk down to what's now known as "hostage square", and saw thousands of people packed tightly in support of our hostages and their families. then we walked through a huge park filled with kids doing that annoying foam thing that they always do, safe and laughing and living their best lives.

the streets are slightly more somber than they should be, but we're here. we're not going anywhere. we made it out of egypt, we made it through the desert, we made it through short exiles, and we made it through thousands of years of exile. we made it through inquisitions, we made it through pogroms, we made it through the holocaust, we made it through 76 years (and counting) of intense wars against enemies who have never stopped seeking to destroy us.

we'll make it through this tragedy, this pogrom, this war, this torture, and we'll make it through whatever else the world has in store for us. there is no part of this story that is anything less than miraculous, and if we stick together and work hard, there's no reason for the future to be any less so.

🇮🇱 am yisrael chai . עם ישראל חי 🇮🇱

mr smear and i also picked up vegan donuts on the way home for yesterday's breakfast:

yesterday:

we managed a good start to the day, and left more or less on time for ze germans' barbeque. it was a really fun day, and good to spend time with the whole bunch (including mmf), but there were some highlights: mr smear trying to learn how to operate the grill from one of the older kids, enjoying the swimming pool and figuring out flippers, and ru55's eldest catching him vaping weed and deciding that his dad's a criminal (fortunately they resolved that by bedtime, but goddamn his kids are smart and had loads of good arguments).

we got home early enough to have a pretty easy evening.

today:

i've been struggling with allergies rather badly today.

the morning started off well enough, but the conversation i was having with mr smear on the way to school took a bad turn and we said goodbye on shaky terms. then i came home, did grocery shopping and fretted about finances, and was busy with banking when mr smear's teacher called and asked us to pick him up (he apparently wasn't feeling well, but we smell bullshit). at least gd was able to handle that.

they weren't back by the time i was ready to go to the office, but when i saw i caught them by surprise on my way out i mean that i saw them a way off, hid behind a bush, and scared them so badly that gd proper screamed and mr smear lost his footing. i mean, they do that shit to me all the time, so it's fully deserved, but it also appeared to make mr smear's day much brighter :P

the work day was long, but ended well. i ate too much, though (falafel for happy hour) and i had a hard time (as usual) keeping my eyes open during our meetings.

i got home in time for the first in a series of talks about the state of the middle east by people from all over: it was a lot longer than i anticipated (two hours), and some of it was hard to get through (in particular, a lecture in arabic via an interpreter), but there were some fascinating things said (assuming that what was said was true) and overall it was an intriguing experience.

i spent the rest of the evening (until recently) translating a video about adi kaploun into english for it to be shown in canada; gd agreed to try translating it into québécois french but i'm not sure if she can stomach it...

coffee, tea and me

there are plenty of healthy attributes to coffee, but the most important one to me has always been "keeps me awake". recently i realized that it wasn't actually doing that as much as i remember, and i decided to pull back... and replace coffee with green tea, which is not only healthy but also an easy way for me to hydrate. because, they say, hydration is important.

i've been mostly off coffee for a couple of weeks now. i haven't had the usual caffeine withdrawal headaches (because i'm still consuming caffeine), but i noticed an almost immediate relief of anxiety that i didn't even know i had. amazing!

so those are all very nice, but i have to admit that while my energy levels are a lot more consistent now, they're generally a lot lower than they were before. like, i'm spending most of my days in dire need of a nap.

i love my coffee, but for the first time in my life regret my relationship with it.

super lazy

some days... it's been snowing, but it's too late for me to do a full day at saint sauveur and so i'd rather be productive instead. but then i received my activation key for shadowrun online's beta which is opening on monday, which i'm super-stoked about! opening steam saw me compulsively opening ftl, though. i don't know why but i simply couldn't resist. after a fairly quick game i closed it, but i kinda want to open it again. i really shouldn't, but there you go...

---i printed out a few more pages and then went to the mall to submit my documents for the tax returns. i began by getting lunch: the chef seemed quite incompetent, and freakishly clumsy so i figure he was drunk or something. but the tofu came out perfectly! i stared at it from the beginning of the process to the end, and have arrived at the conclusion that getting the right texture has to do with starting with the right product. so regular supermarket types won't cut it. good to know.

i hunted for the h&r place for a while before giving up and calling their helpline. the website's store locator gives the mall address with a mall store number, and in brackets says "(bay #1607)"; the store number wasn't visible on the mall's map nor was the name of the office. on second inspection, the "store number" is the address of the mall itself so that was silly of me, but the bay reference? that meant that it's in the department store "the bay". oh! oh, i see. totally obvious.</sarcasm>
so i walked through the bay until i eventually found them. hidden in a corner. apparently "office" covers "temporary desks with a couple of dividers set up amongst clothing lines".

the woman there didn't speak english and so advised me to make an appointment with the "specialist" who does. that whole conversation took place in french and wasn't too bad. it's funny, but when she said "tuesday" she was trying to be helpful, but francophones often confuse tuesday and thursday so i had to double check that the date was correct. only, for some reason i couldn't remember the word "mardi"... nice one, brain. nice one.

i sat down at the starbucks to continue my research, and i'm excited to say that i've come across a couple of very exciting pieces of the puzzle. gods, there's so much work to be done! i climbed into it when i got back home, but i'm going to need to de-prioritize or i won't get my interview and french prep done...

music for the day: rev - amusia has been providing the soundtrack for the last day or so and i'm still in love with those beats! couldn't stop bouncing :)

i shopped on my way home, and felt like a total idiot because i get a $10 discount if i go over $75, i hit $72 and there were people behind so i didn't think to stop and rescan a chocolate slab or something to make up the difference. dammit :(

i was totally clumsy when i came home, for five minutes everything i touched landed on the floor and i was so not impressed. maybe whatever the chef had was contagious. i spoke to my mum and finished the mac hall volume, then went to the gym for kickboxing. it was a good class, though i lost the battle of my shins versus my partner's shins. i gave some kid a five minute taekwondo lesson with homework, then got dragged into a debate on nutrition that went on and on and ended with a very brief argument about monsanto and gmo and drugs (not connected). in retrospect i shouldn't have gone down that road.

i put on kevin hart: let me explain while making dinner. that's one unfunny dude! it kinda bothers me when so many people are laughing hysterically at him just being an asshole.

i watched amélie, i think it's only the second time i've seen it in its entirety. what a wonderful film! *that* is a rom-com i can get behind. it's clever, it's fun, it's charming, it's different.

i received a message from a girl i might meet next week and was amused to be notified that fp was using the dating service too. so... i guess that's over, then. i feel kinda odd about neither of us saying anything.

hermitage

this is super weird. i got up early this morning and spent the entire day stuffing around with an exercise. i'm not making good time, but i guess that's what being rusty's all about.

at least my breathing's been a bit better, though i'm still a bit uncomfortable. i haven't used my humidifier since this morning, and i'm wondering if that's got something to do with it...

i'm gonna take a break, then maybe do a little more before bed. tomorrow's supposed to be fantastic snowboarding weather, so i think i'll take the opportunity to go in the morning. i can't believe we're at the end of the season already :(

---my mum's been given a clean bill of health! i'm decidedly relieved :)

---EDIT: oh, and i finally watched this after joe rogan tweeted about it a while ago: one step beyond - the sacred mushroom. it's delightful!

quick burn monday

i tried to wake up early this morning. i guess i succeeded, but it required a snooze or two. i was so comfortable! not even sleepy, just... comfortable.

that turned to discomfort as soon as i got up, my throat's screwed again. this sucks. and my stomache wasn't too impressed with me either. i felt a bit woozy most of the morning.

when i walked past my calendar i was horrified to discover that i'd written down my mother's surgery date correctly but remembered it wrong! i remembered tuesday, by the time i sent her a message she was already prepped and didn't know what day it was. either, my aunt gently chided :$

i played with java and algorithms until the cleaning lady called me to tell me she'd be bringing a few french movies to vendôme metro for me, so i headed down there to meet her. she told me she'd been the victim of a rather sophisticated phishing attack this weekend, and while she's dealt with the credit card fraud her computer's still compromised. i told her what to do and i've offered to help her re-install her system on the weekend... at least she appears to have learned her lesson :/

i returned, ran laundry and continued practicing, then went to the language meetup. gods, the more i spoke the more difficult it became and i ended up feeling utterly useless. ohshitohshitohshitohshit.

---i picked up some flowers and took them to godmother's, where we had a really nice dinner. delicious, and uncle hate was mostly being pleasant. my aunt in cape town kept trying to call me on skype when only my phone was logged in (i don't allow calls on 3g, and it only alerts me when i get messages), so godmother explained all the details and it sounds like my mom's all clear (crossing fingers anyway). i'll get to speak to her tomorrow, at least.

the one thing that bothered us both is that my mother didn't tell us anything earlier. my mother's always saying how silly it is not to discuss things when one needs support, and suddenly she's guilty of the same behaviour? but then godmother said that yin had told her that she'd probably behave the same way, and i guess that's true of me too to a degree.

---during the afternoon i'd been speaking to pulse, and after dinner i went over to her place for a cup of tea. what i understood from the bus driver's rapid-fire french was that if i want to know when to get off i should keep my eyes peeled. thanks, buddy.

the half hour i spent with pulse was nice, but i feel friend-zoned. that's not a big deal, but i found myself a little too self-conscious while we talked.

the snowstorm i walked out into was unbelievable. mesmerizing, i was listening to tool and watching the flakes spin like little disco balls in the street's light in swirls like a screensaver that could have been an underwater scene or a space one. i had to keep forcing my attention back to the street so that i wouldn't miss my bus.

it was chilly in the metro. i've never noticed the giant vents above the tracks that stream air from an area visible through giant glass panes - tonight that air was cold and we all had to stay covered up.

i've done some more reviewing of my friend's book because i was reading on the metro. there's nothing more frustrating than a fantastically good set of ideas executed with less than fantastic commitment. some of the issues are so ridiculous that it just seems like he got lazy, as if he knew what he wanted to say and got bored trying to share it coherently. i wonder if i'll ever be invited to critique him again after this...

---at godmother's, we watched a bit of the news.

the situation in ukraine is really sad.

the malaysia jet is still missing, but it's not the first to disappear mysteriously. what the hell? shouldn't we be doing something to fix this?

snowden's still on the run for protecting the americans from themselves but speaking to sxsw? cool, but sad too.

ah-ha! a positive drug story. colorado reaping the benefits of legalization

reset, re-rooted

how do i describe the indescribable? this weekend was defined by magic, an introduction to the ledhedz bus, a small subset of the afrikaburn community and what's apparently called techno but doesn't sound anything like what i thought was techno. i'm officially a convert!

chasing that with a hike up to the top of table mountain on a gorgeous day only served to reinforce my reconnection to this city's power.

the past couple of weeks have been incredible, i feel reset and reconnected, and i'm quite bummed about the fact that there're only another couple of days left before i'm out of here. i love montreal and i know i can't stay here, but i really don't want to leave!

---friday:

i was going to go shopping but decided to spend the stunning sunny afternoon on the beach with sagirl instead - a much better idea! after an incident a few years back when i got burned during a really quick beach visit, i was a little concerned in spite of having put on sunscreen. after a while lying on my belly facing away from sagirl, enjoying the sun on my back, i suddenly felt like my skin was tingling and just at that moment sagirl piped up: "totalwaste, are getting paranoid about being burned? well you can stop, i'll let you know when you need to worry."

whoa (O_o)

...

granadilla lollies cost R20, which is ridiculous. they're also a little smaller than i remember, even if they're just as awesome.

...

my aunt and her kids came over for drinks and debate, which was a lot of fun, and on tgtbt's recommendation my mother and i went to takumi for dinner. firstly, the place is beautiful and the service is excellent. there weren't any vegan options but everything looked really good so i decided to do the sushi experience properly: boy, am i glad i did! everything was absolutely delicious and well presented, by the end my mother couldn't eat any more and i finished everything only because it tasted so good. win!

---saturday:

dreams of airports after america enforces anti-modesty laws to filter out the religious, and about staying in a small community in a generically foreign country.

...

my mother and i went shopping in town. from the parade through grand central and golden acre, we managed to find a pair of shorts for me. it was only when we hit st george's mall that i found a hat i liked, and we did a full browse of greenmarket square before i figured out what beads to buy.

---i hate markets and i hate bargaining. i hate the fact that a conversation about price begins with an outright lie in an attempt to cheat someone out of as much as possible. the whole experience offends me... but somehow, in spite of my feelings of disgust, i seem to have picked up a thing or two while in israel. apparently i've become a tough negotiator, because i walked off with what i wanted at only slightly more than my initial shock-value offer!

the moment that most entertained me was walking away after telling a seller that i wasn't interested in arguing and that i'd give her two minutes to consider my proposal. she changed her tune when i returned.

i can't say i enjoyed doing that, but at least i'm not feeling jipped about my purchases.

---on the way we saw some amazing artwork in the area! we would have gone to crave for lunch but they didn't have vegan options and the guy behind the counter was totally disinterested, so we went to kauai instead where the food was great and the staff pleasant.

the sailors were barbequeing on the beach but that didn't really fit with my other plans, so i decided to go with protoplasm to the party in hillcrest quarry. that didn't actually fit with my other plans either, but i didn't really think about it properly and in retrospect i'm rather glad i didn't :P

---i'm not sure where to begin with the ledhedz bus party. i hadn't thought to bring a sweater and when we arrived the wind was up and it was too chilly to swim, so i'd worn boardies under my shorts for nothing. fortunately we kept warm on the dance floor :)

the subset of the afrikaburn crowd was something i couldn't get a handle on the entire afternoon / night, every now and then i'd register that the only odd man out was me because it was my first event. the crowd included people i went to school with and my niece's new sisters-in-law, which was quite funny and cool.

the music when we arrived was terrible, and the dj after played a lot of empty beats which was boring. after that, though, things got real. the fact that i had deeply entered an alternative state of mind made my introduction to what techno has evolved into an insane experience, i simply could not get a handle on what i was hearing and i've been informed that that's more or less the point. there's something so incredibly strange about dancing to a beat that changed two seconds ago but in such a subtle way that you're not sure why you're off, and something very cool about music that involves such a wide range of electronic that within a single minute you can be standing and nodding your head, dancing like it's disco and stomping like it's psy!

my hippie feet served me well the whole night, i'm extremely glad that i've maintained them so nicely :D

using the public toilets barefoot wasn't too bad - they were kept pretty clean - but there was a moment towards the end of the evening when i was standing by the urinal:
i was in the act when an arm shot across my vision in a most disturbing manner. the guy next to me was trying to settle a can on the sill of the window above us, and i was certain that it'd fall on me the second he let go. eventually he got it right, though, but i still kept an eye on him - peripheral vision only, of course - and was horrified when i registered that he was swaying wildly and struggling to unzip. once he got that right and started to pee, he was too far away from the urinal and swaying too much to not miss at some point.
urinal etiquette be damned, i thought, i'm not having this guy wet my feet!
i told him that i would be very grateful if he would just take a step forward. i was so relieved when he obliged - i was so worried that in whatever state he was he might get aggressive - and i walked out of there with dry feet.

there were only two upsetting moments at the party:

the first was when a dj dropped a tune with a religious sample about jesus' second coming, there were a lot of people on psychedelics and that's *so* unfair whether it was done in jest or not... it actually ejected me from the dance floor for a while :(

the second was me telling protoplasm that i didn't know how i'd feel about the music if i'd been sober. i realized as i said it that it was the stupidest statement of the night because i'd feel exactly the same way, but he suddenly disappeared before i could take it back and i stressed about it for about five minutes until he returned and laughed at me :$

there were plenty of fantastic moments to more than make up for those, though, so that's alright :)

---yesterday:

i was most amused by the sexy german girl we'd gone with passing out on my shoulder while we waited for protoplasm with the car keys - you'd have to be pretty tired to find it comfortable enough :P

i was still high when i returned home at 4am, and only a little concerned about how i was going to get up four hours later to go hiking with airplane. i knew i needed to eat but the peanut butter on toast i made was far too sticky. my mother introduced me to coating it with marmalade, which i'll definitely remember next time as a bloody good idea! we talked for a bit before she went to bed, and it was then that the penny dropped that i only have a couple of days left to say goodbye to everyone...

... how did three weeks pass by so quickly?!

i got into bed but my subconscious was too busy turning imagined white noise into techno for me to sleep; i plugged in to my ipod and that drowned me out of consciousness pretty quickly. good timing, too, because in the morning the battery was drained so i finally remembered to charge it for the flights :P

...

i had no problem waking up, it was an absolutely stunning morning! i drove to airplane's and we headed out together to table mountain. it's cardio up (heavy breathing) and skeletal down (stressed knees), we didn't stop talking the entire way and had a really good time. we went to hudsons for burgers (their veggie burger's good even if it's crumbly) and drinks afterwards; about halfway through the meal the past day caught up with me and my system downshifted. we said goodbye and i drove home, showered and rested for fifteen minutes until my mother came home and we went out for drinks with cousins.

twice, with different cousins. and lots of drinks.

by the time we got home i was completely broken. i had just enough energy to eat my mother's first attempt at cooking tofu - not bad - and lie down on the couch, but suddenly i realized that i needed to brush my teeth and get into bed. i'm so proud of myself for not passing out on the way, i was that exhausted that i was sure that might happen!

---regarding david foster wallace - infinite jest: the whole marijuana addition thing is ridiculous, and it bothers me that people who read the book will have their understanding skewed. tgtbt is a case in point, i had to explain to her that even in such an extreme case, the marijuana is not the culprit. it's psychology, the person has a problem with or without it, and blaming a herb that isn't addictive is irresponsible especially when the world is finally beginning to wake up from the nightmare that the war on drugs and its disinformation have kept us in for the past forty years.

to be fair, the book was written in the nineties, but it still upsets me.

---listening to the news always bugs me. i think america should conquer syria, set up a puppet government and slowly turn the country into another of its states. considering the country's instability they wouldn't need to pretend to be doing anything else, like they are in iraq and afghanistan...

baby steps

i'm actually still in a state of disbelief. colorado legalizing marijuana? it's like awakening from a nightmare and being unable to shake it off for a while. only the nightmare's been going on for forty years. here's hoping the initial idiot panic subsides and that things go smoothly enough for the "experiment" to succeed!

well done, colorado. well done.

news blast part i

it's been a good week, and so busy that i'm now trying to post this as quickly as possible before heading off to the gym and then entertaining. this is a particularly difficult task because i've just gotten up from a long and desperately needed nap and i'm still groggy. [failed, had to wait until after training, dinner and board game]

---tuesday:

i tried the mustache thing for movember before showering and going to bed, and decided that i simply cannot leave the house looking like a used car salesman. i decided that i'll have to find another way of spreading awareness. i was thinking of just stopping random strangers and asking "excuse me, sir, when last did you have a professional insert a finger up your bum?" but considering the fact that i'm spending most of the rest of the month either in the village or in a fighting gym it doesn't seem like the wisest of plans.

since tuesday my toilet's been busted, and i have to manually control the tank refill every time i flush if i don't want my bathroom to flood. this is properly annoying and the caretaker is dragging his feet as usual :@

...

real winter has begun! we're expecting another spike on the weekend, but other than that we've been exclusively sub-zero and it's awesome :)

note to self: the problem with good gloves is that if your hands are cold before you put them on they'll stay cold even in your pockets.

...

class: wow, i have zero patience for people who don't make an effort. it's so obvious that the weakest link isn't making any effort outside of the class and she's doing a fantastic job of wasting our time.

on a completely different note, i'm finding myself (almost) addicted to the tiger balm i'm using for my neck. rubbing it on my nose to shield me from the stench of smelly girl takes me back to the days of deeply inhaling it on ecstasy, even though in that context it was much more pleasurable.

...

the homeless one-armed man at guy-concordia set his begging cup on the slope of the escalator, removed his prosthetic to use as a barrier and was playing skeeball with a large collection of pennies. this would have been funnier if he didn't scream curses every time he missed because the constant stream of people on either side kept freaking out.

on the way out of the station some activist noticed me looking at his posters (it wasn't clear what he was on about) and when i continued walking he shouted "okay, just stick with the opinions you've been fed by the media". when i called him out for being pretentious and condescending without knowing anything about my opinions he told me "you don't have to take it the wrong way".

"is there a right way?!"

...

my new fillings were all wrong, so i had a painful lunch while waiting for the dentist to return and then climbed back into the chair feeling as if monday night's visit hadn't ended. he did a lot of filing but now that two days have passed i think i'm going to have to go back again. :(

...

i sat at cafe depot drinking coffee and reading bone (it's a great way to get comfortable reading!) and was joined a while later by the guy from saturday. it's official: trading private english lessons for private french lessons is a jolly good deal!

there was a man sitting next to us who i overheard saying that he'd come for the poetry last week. i unfortunately didn't get an opportunity for a random discussion with him...

... speaking of which, after the slam finals on the weekend i've been inspired to write again, and i've spent a fair amount of time working on a couple of the ideas i've had since. hopefully i'll be ready to share soon [vfmp just reviewed one and it made him laugh, it can't be all bad].

...

i had dinner with godmother. the evening was pleasant but yang was behaving really badly and i felt progressively less comfortable. there's something very wrong with that kid, he makes a great case for setting boundaries for one's children.

...

over the course of the day i learned a very important lesson about not eating while wearing my new sweater: i'm not materialistic at all, but i've become really attached to it and it's so bright and loud it needs to be kept totally clean. when i got home i rushed to scrub the front with dishwashing liquid (my answer to everything) and chuck it in the washing machine so that it'd be done before they locked the laundry room. success! it came out all shiny :)

...

facebook: a flood of meh to counter the intriguingly insightful and interesting week before, but i'm still spending a stupid amount of time reading my feed. i really need to quit that.

[continued...]

late halloween and relaxing

i actually managed to do very little yesterday and i felt really good about it! today's highlight was catching my second wind when i'd already left the gym. tomorrow...

---saturday evening:

frankenstein's monster make-up fail: first, it took a long time to apply the fake skin and the grey base. the package didn't include half the things that it required. the bolts that attach to your neck? yeah. not so much, even with the fake skin.

second, after i kind of got it decent it became the saddest costume ever because i couldn't change my facial expression without the fake skin peeling. so no smiling back at the poor girl standing at the entrance to the metro, and holding back a sneeze on the bus actually made me tear up. at least it was still okay when i entered vfmp's place (with the fake teeth doing a good job all by themselves), so after that i relaxed a bit and let my mask shed.

as i walked outside i realized that i'd need gloves and my tuque - the weather dropped back to around freezing which was heartening ^_^

the beginning of the party was a bit boring, minus the awesome giant cackling witch at the entrance to the apartment. we watched a bit of scream - gods, what a horrible movie - and then played a bit of tekken but the xbox controls didn't work correctly so it was disappointingly random.

the werewolves of millers hollow is a fun formalization of a game i learned about in the army. we played a lot and it got progressively more entertaining as the night wore on.

i decided to leave thunderstone there as that's where we usually play. i hope they don't forget to invite me to join in :P

the guy who gave me a ride was so stoned he forgot about me and had to return, but our chat on the way to my place was surprisingly sober and interesting.

---sunday:

i enjoyed a late sleep with loads of chained dreams and woke up to do very little. i spent the afternoon reading, playing games, eventually doing laundry and homework. then horseman came over and four hours flew by, some of it in crazy games of tekken where i got taught a thing or two before getting some revenge. both of us had sore hands by the end :)

i prepared dinner and sat down to watch an episode of futurama. it seemed familiar but i didn't care, then halfway through i realized it was a movie and not an episode: bender's big score the second time was still entertaining. my brain was mostly off anyway. the dinner kind of sucked - i don't know why but while it tasted good it didn't feel like it was going down properly. i ate the rest as leftovers this afternoon and it seemed fine so i don't know what that was about.

...

going to bed, i was reminded of how much i abhor putting a duvet into the cover. couldn't someone just make a duvet cover with buttons on TWO ends?!

---today:

waking up to scraping outside when it hasn't snowed? swak. the weather app said -6 with a five degree jump due within the hour. wtf?!

...

i wasn't just on time this morning, i was early. the class was cool, though i still can't handle those hours and in addition to being tired my stomache wouldn't stop making loud noises. what was amusing about that is that nobody knew whose it was for the first while, everyone including me wondering if it was theirs :P

i discovered that one of the girls is an illustrator after finding out that we're both fans of marilyn manson and jhonen vasquez. hah!

i finally went to the jean talon market to pick up builder bars, the only boxes they had were so well hidden that the junior staff had to ask after it :( i've requested that they order some for me but i suspect i'm going to need to find myself another dealer...

i got home and crashed on the couch. what followed was meta epic dreaming about my father and being told (in dream) that i was doing so just so i that i could experience him dying repeatedly. when i woke up my memory was so destabilized that it was an effort to remember burying him.

muay thai drilling was great but left me with sore arms. i watched the wrestlers afterwards (i think i'm going to join them next time) because i wasn't up for boxing, then returned home to relax with frozen peas as my leg isn't healed yet and got all sensitive when i hit the bags. damn this fragile biological body!

*sigh*

...

okay, french homework and bed.

docu-drama

grass, the 1999 documentary narrated by woody harrelson. here's a link, don't watch it if you don't want to see 20th america as a bunch of morons in their very own version of the dark ages.

gods, i'm so glad to be living in an age with internet. no, it doesn't prevent the world's being run by insufferably small-minded megalomaniacs but at least we have access to data! next step, people learning how to use the new tools.

the storm - part i

holy shit, it was the calm before the storm. the end of the work week got progressively worse, culminating in my walking into a private meeting with megaman on friday afternoon - with my phone set to record - wherein he verbally abused me for most of half an hour in spite of his realizing halfway through that i'd been right all along. something he said during the meeting about the cto's attitude towards me changing, whether true or not, made me realize that his reports to them count in spite of their history with me and if i allow him to continue my professional reputation will be jeopardized.

i'm not certain how much it really matters to my next potential employer, but i do know how much it matters to me. and on a more immediate note, fighting with my boss is not at all pleasant* and perpetually being charged with "damned if you do, damned if you don't" tasks makes me feel like i'm trapped in a padded cell.

* even if causing him to drop his facade in front of others was just a teensy bit satisfying

i spent most of friday and the beginning and end of saturday so upset and unable to collect my thoughts that i was on the verge of an anxiety attack. i woke up at 4am angry and worried and with the taste of bile in my throat.

my mum helped me gain a little perspective, and i've prepared myself for resignation. i think and i hope that i'm doing this the right way, i'll do my best to remain professional. i feel like it's time for full-time french and some personal projects.

---thursday:

i tried to wake up at 1.30am to speak to the mortgage bank but as i stood next to my computer i felt like the world was dropping out from beneath me. i hurriedly returned to bed and tried and failed a couple more times before eventually getting it together at around 3am. it felt like a live nightmare followed by a call to the mortgage bank that made me hate them more than i thought possible. of course, i was unable to get back to sleep after that.

i've mentioned that creepy grin cheshire cat lady uses, there was something unnerving about watching megaman turn an exact copy of that grin back on her during the morning meeting. it's not clear if she realized what he was doing.

a summary of my interactions with megaman on thursday:

(him) "prioritize these tasks."
"no, you."
"i insist."
"okay, we should begin with this one..."
"no, you definitely shouldn't do that."
"how about you prioritize?"

---because hating my mortgage bank wasn't enough for the day's list, the vending machine supplier decided to remove our favourite cookies. i discovered this when one of the developers asked me for coins for the machine, and we were both horrified when we saw that the delicious, vegan-friendly "cookie club" cookies had been replaced by "cookie star" crap. it was a travesty!

i called up the suppliers, who explained that while they cannot guarantee that the desired cookies would be returned they were also not at liberty to disclose where those cookies were sourced. the nerve! so i hunted the supplier down myself, got in touch with them and found that they're happy to deliver to our office at half the price per cookie.

screw you, vending machine people. screw you.

---we work in cubicles, and sound travels well throughout the office. creeper told me he'd had trouble finding vegan food the night before.
"the reason i'm trying not to eat meat or dairy is because my wife and kids are away this weekend, so i'll be trying dmt."

my brain froze.
"you know what dmt is?"
"the drug?" i asked hesitantly.
"yeah! i mean, it's a long weekend so i figure i might as well enjoy a good trip!"

holy crap (O_o)

---the it guy seems to have sensed that his theft might have consequences and seems to think i'm a good confidant. he's apparently interviewing for other jobs now because "interviewing when you have a job is like walking into a club alone when you have a girlfriend."

i wish that didn't apply to my own situation so well.

...

our sister company provides a service that they've left entirely unprotected and open to the internet. when i sent a mail describing the authentication requirements we have their star it guy responded by calling the open access a "feature" :S

---i was a little tired when i left for class. i made it in time for jiu-jitsu and there were only two of us so it was basically a private lesson. the instructor asked if we felt ready to grade, we didn't have anything to lose so we both gave it a shot. the other guy really wasn't ready, but me? i was awesome! i got through the tough "everyone always fails on these ones" moves easily, and was almost done when he asked me to do a chest-to-chest sweep.

the chest-to-chest sweep is the first one you learn, it's the most basic. and i failed. i launched my body up to do it, and for the first time since my first class i froze and didn't know how to proceed :(

anyway, the monster who was with me was oddly shy but happy to let me do as many exercises as i wanted so i got really good practice. odder than him being shy was him deciding that he was done fifteen minutes early. that was strange, but let me catch the second half of the advanced kickboxing class. it was one heck of a warm-up for the beginner's class, and i learned a lot (especially how to kick: upgrade!) even though i was completely broken by the end.

the girl who kind of invited me out the other day? totally ignored me. weird!

as happens every now and again, i had no appetite. i chugged a protein shake and went to bed early.

---as i climbed into bed i discovered the codex seraphinianus. i don't even know how to begin processing something so magnificent! so i've pre-ordered a copy for myself :)

---friday:

i woke up exhausted but otherwise feeling good, in serious need of a massage. good thing is was feel-good friday :P

first success of the day? i've been wearing my awesome orange troop jacket home from training and it smelled of sweat; i decided to rinse it and hope that wouldn't do any damage. it didn't, it dried quickly and it smells fine. superb!

first fail of the day? noticing that my septum is swollen. now i'm worried about nasal polyps. gods, i hope i don't have those.

i wonder if my subconscious knew how badly the day would go when it decided to play linkin park - in the end's chorus over and over during the morning meeting. or how cheeky it was being when it brought out becker saying "anger... ooh, go with that" as i pissed off megaman the first time.

i'm convinced that he's dishonest because he's incompetent.

---nin - hesitation marks is growing on me. bnw and her husband told me that hearing songs from it at the concert had changed their minds, and now that i've given it another chance i'm finding myself likening it to pretty hate machine. satellite feels good.

great friday night boxing training, not-so-great sparring but with the guy who'd previously upset me but at least it was a considerable improvement over that last time. i'd left the day behind for an hour or two, but afterwards i was so focused on the shit at work that i went shopping instead of heading straight to vfmp :$

i was a little late, but there was plenty of vegan feast left and we followed it with about five hours of thunderstone and way too many freshly-baked cookies.

---saturday:

i slept decently in spite of thinking about work before and after. i had a good smoothie breakfast, chatted with my mom and then headed to old montreal for the day.

[continued...]

consequential

i definitely didn't sleep enough last night, but that's not the real issue. the real issue is that aota convinced me to try a tim horton's donut this morning and in a twisted turn of fate it was filled with custard. i *LOVE* custard! and i'm allergic to dairy. i couldn't help myself and i ate a couple of bites before finally binning it, but by then the damage was done and a couple of hours later my body began to crash in a way it hasn't done since the last time i overdid dairy. i don't remember when that was.

dear mr. horton.

i am trying to immigrate to canada, and unfortunately there's one aspect of life here that i cannot fully participate in: eating your doughnuts! i would be exceedingly grateful if you could produce a vegan-friendly doughnut. just one type, it's all i ask.

yours faithfully...

i had a short (but heavenly) nap before training and between that and the energy drink i was mostly on form. which reminds me that i haven't stopped thinking about the conversation i had with ceh in the afternoon about caffeine addiction and its effects on the brain. i wish i could drop it "cold turkey" but i well remember what happened last time i did that (in 2001)... two weeks of non-stop migraines? no thanks. perhaps if i lose my job.

---speaking of which, as i mentioned yesterday i interviewed a potential replacement this morning. the interview was going spectacularly well and i was rating him an A before the technical question. as the first interviewee to start with an iterative solution to our "big" problem he had me convinced that this was going well, but then he stumbled. stumbling brought him down to an A- or a B+ in my book, only after stumbling he just gave up and even though megaman continued to push him* he just couldn't dust himself off and get back on the horse. i was sorely disappointed.

* courtesy, i guess, because the dude had come all the way from ottawa just to see us

i had lunch with megaman - let's not discuss how odd that was - and he shared the same view. what was interesting to hear is that he won't pick someone for the job unless they're strong enough to earn the team's trust immediately. he's still kinda looking for me to step up and save the day but the more he describes the role the more i realize that i'm not the man to take it. perhaps in another environment with different values and less politics, but not in this company with these guys at the helm.

---aota came over to inform me that another month of inexplicable data usage has gone by. it's been decided that my phone is faulty and i'm being sent a replacement... an iphone 5. here's hoping it's in good nick!

speaking of things being nicked, i don't know if it bothers me more that there are dishonest people in my company or that they're so pathetically obvious about it. megaman and his crew with their machinations are so transparent and bloody arrogant about it, like we're all totally stupid and oblivious. but the it guy? he keeps stealing equipment, and his explanations and excuses are so crap it's like he isn't even trying to hide it.

---things i hate today:

1. tortoisesvn for mysterious, non-stop tree conflicts when merging that it would take me ages to figure out... they've overhauled their merging dialog box again. the first option used to be the wrong one, but the second option's new and looks suspiciously like the old second option (which used to be the right one). good ux job, guys. well done.

2. google, whose search results were so useless and irrelevant when looking up perl configuration issues that i resorted to trying bing. which actually did the trick, for once, and i wasn't looking for porn. [i think i'd heard about that before, but creeper did his bit and made sure i knew. he also shouted over the cubicle wall that now that i'm aware of the service i can just start... oh, never mind. it was grossly inappropriate as usual.]

---i left on time for training and was held back by a long sob story from one of my developers... he has sickly pets and a new car that's giving him trouble. it may have been a bit heartless of me, but i explained to him that that's precisely why i don't have pets or a car. pets are an enormous responsibility and you need to be ready for them to need (sometimes very expensive) care and attention. cars are more trouble than they're worth. they're expensive just to own and maintain, you have to worry about parking, snow shovelling and designating a driver if you go out for drinks. it's cheaper to use taxis or rent a car on the odd occasion that actually justifies a personal vehicle.

"but in our culture everyone owns a car!"
"in everyone's culture, that doesn't make it the right thing to do."

i *just* missed the train because of that.

---training was really tough. i learned a lot of important things that i'm going to need to consolidate...

how very interesting: the older woman i worked with a while back (why can't i find the post?) was asking how my work was going, and it turns out she has aerospace connections. this could be good!

what a feeling, to get into a hot bath post-training after a whole day of knowing i'd need it. my back is really hurting and i need to get my muscles functioning again. a few weeks of illness and everything went to hell :(

...

holy crap! it's 11pm and i'm ready for bed! aside from the bit when i'll get up in a couple of hours to deal with the mortgage bank, that's very impressive.

---this complaint to virgin airlines really is brilliant.

...

the dangers of birth control: this is pretty scary. like, holy shit, how have woman been using these things without knowing what's at stake?! like in this world people need another cause for anxiety...

tipping

i'm feeling wiped out. either i underestimated how sick i was, or these antibiotics are really messing me up.

---i am blessed to be of good genetic stock; all of my cousins on my mother's side are super-high achievers and exceedingly intelligent. that's why yang's total lack of critical thinking and emotional intelligence freaks me out completely: his twin sister, though we fundamentally disagree on a wide variety of things, is just as smart and savvy as everyone else, so how the hell did he become such an idiot?!

nature versus nurture? here's another statistic for you. this message brought to you by an aneurysm-inducing conversation that doesn't need to be repeated.

---at 5.30am, i woke up from dreaming of managing a pro wrestling season, trying to maintain consistency while working under very dramatic conditions. i woke up feeling a bit clearer, but still struggling, and when i'd get up again after a bit more sleep i'd find that i wasn't clearer at all. i was horrific, as a matter of fact. ugh.

the rest of the day wasn't so disgusting... but it's funny how my first real coughing fit began just as i entered the supermarket in the evening :(

...

part 1: fedex was really nice about sorting out their "hold at location" thing. it'll be a mission to get there, but when they called me back later to verify they offered me an early warning so that i can manage my time more effectively. nice!

part 2: the israeli consulate general only answers its phones in the afternoon, and they weren't answering. i do hope they'll be open in the morning like their website says.

part 3: the product manager called to discuss my letter, and i don't know how he's playing this at all. he summarized my complaints with "management issues" and i left the conversation with a sense that we're about to undergo some serious role redefinition. well, i was waiting and seeing anyway...

by the end of the call i was barely able to stand, and as soon as it was over i crumpled onto the couch for a while. it took a fair amount of time for me to get up and active again, tekken and breaking bad and ted talks on capitalism helped out. well, one breaking bad episode upset me because i can't deal with watching stupid characters, it's shoddy writing :/

---the peters projection world map? check this out: even if you don't read hebrew, the embedded video from the west wing will summarize my feelings nicely.

quote of the day: "jews don't like being happy". from the father of marijuana research

nystire pointed me to this article on golden rice. food for thought.

just passing through part ii

[... continued]

i met up with aota and we stopped for amazing chinese (where k-twang and his fiancée took me in 2010). we then arrived just in time for lorraine klaasen's miriam makeba tribute. which became a madiba tribute. aota "informed" me that he'd passed away, which shocked me because i hadn't heard anything. which makes sense, because he hadn't. either way it was a very moving performance and made me a bit homesick*. it was really nice to see so many people visibly captivated by makeba's music.

* i guess that's a part of why i finally got around to watching some of have you heard from johannesburg. it's well worth the $5, especially if you don't know much about apartheid.

we walked on to some bloody good blues by steve strongman, who made sure to let us know that he'd won a juno this year. the crowd was fantastic, loads of people dancing and good vibes all round.

i returned home on the metro with my laundry basket. that felt weird. i didn't want to work on a saturday night so i ignored the urgent emails in my inbox.

---sunday:

a peaceful start to the day. i caught the caretaker's wife and paid my rent early, did a quick shop at walmart which demanded a highway walk that was very pretty indeed. i learned about 1 dollar scans and i think i'll give them a try.

interested to hear what the headhunter has to offer, i spent some time updating my cv and answering her questions, then proceeded to fail to get the urgent work done (our systems are a mess at present and my macbook's not making anything easier) and upset the cto in the process. i was really upset about that before remembering that i don't need to stress about any of this. i've done my best and if it's not good enough then screw it, i'll walk.

so it became a $#@% everything day. i went to piknic electronik and thoroughly enjoyed the "guru" floor - pursuit grooves makes serious magic!

the moog floor just wasn't quite as fun as the previous week. the highlight was a cute girl trashed on e (but, like, classically, like we used to get once upon a time with the jaw exercises and everything) who was excited by my tattoo.

so i left early for an easy, early night watching ufc fights.

---monday:

another slow morning (oh, happy canada day!) started with ufc's gsp vs condit. WOW!

i tried to sort out my mouth guard. "boil and bite" my ass, three tries following the instructions (and a few youtube videos) and when i open my mouth the guard sticks to my lower teeth. fan#$@%!tastic >_<

---i've been wondering about this for weeks now: why do i make onomatopoeia-ic sounds when i strike? why can't i just hiss like a normal person? imagine me kicking you. now imagine me shouting "POW!" as i do it.

i do that every time.

---i spent my day getting into node.js. i've definitely got a handle on the basics, but there're some elusive concepts that i need to get my head around before i really get my teeth into it. like, for instance, the relationship between file names and objects.

i went over to horseman to play a board game with him and nocence. and teach them a bit about beat construction. the board game was cashflow, and it's more fun than monopoly :)

---scrapper sent me a link to rat park, it's very good indeed. please read it! it's not only well drawn but educational too.

mental yoga

i just ran home in the rain from boxing: this tougher, faster, stronger me? i like him. friday night boxing FTW! and now a partially planned escape into inner space for the night (part ii, i guess you could call it), and tomorrow's a busy day.

---i got my medical insurance details today! so i can go and see a doctor as soon as i figure out where and when to go.

today saw me in manager mode - now that we're agile, i actually feel like we're doing things right. there is a plan, and i'm on top of it. the director kept congratulating me on doing an excellent job - before he left i stopped him to remind him that i was simply doing what he'd instructed me to. the difference between half-assed agile and agile is palpable.

right - time to get into dinner and navel-gazing.

the sitter

i was hoping to see the open mat at the gym, not thinking of it being easter. at least, unlike next weekend, the equipment was available, so i spent about an hour on the punching bags, stretching, and doing a little bit of weight training. my body let me know, in no uncertain terms, just how out of shape i am. there was wheezing.

the shops were all closed (and my cupboards are bare), so i headed downtown to eat too much (delicious) chinese, then returned to go to the dollar cinema to watch wreck-it ralph and searching for sugarman.

the first movie was really cool, very clever and sweet. the second? my gods, that was emotional. wonderful, and very cathartic. i chose to walk home in the rain with cold fact playing.

---how weird! i'd added timothy leary - your brain is god to my wish list years ago and totally forgotten about the book's existence! very cool.

also on a bookish note, pg sent me a long list of books she's holding for me, so now (well, within the next couple of months) i'm going to have to sort through it and figure out what to keep and what to sell or donate. this is going to be tough.

---ooh! almost forgot: i just read an alabaster fang, and i really like it so i have to share.

somewhat good friday

friday:

it was a slow, easy morning. i was still feeling arm strain from my first push-ups in a while and my neck was mildly uncomfortable, which would irritate me for the rest of the day. seeing the squirrels frolicking in the streets put me in a good mood, though, and made me think that perhaps i'm ready to enjoy the spring :)

it was a good good friday, most people were on holiday and everything was accordingly relaxed and jovial. even moonlighter came in (to say farewell to the coo), and in a pleasant chat with him and the new director it was settled that he's replaceable and that he himself would like to work less. the sad thing is that the cto is now our principal developer and moonlighter his second-in-command; if we don't wrest control things are going to be weird.

i'd intended to leave early, but only made it out at 5pm. i thought i'd get some cleaning done but a) i didn't really have it in me and b) i was surprised to find that the apartment's not in a bad state overall. i'm used to israeli quantities of dust, and here it's a different level entirely.

i watched a lot of the xxx sequel, which is kind crap in spite of the cast, and had dinner watching legend of the drunken master which i remembered enjoying thoroughly. yep, still excellent :)

i was starting to fall asleep when i received a call from yang, and i met up with him for drinks at the cock 'n bull. i was completely turned around last time, but i won't get lost again!

we walked down to a really great and super-dodgy club, where the music started at funky minimal and moved through actual dub (seriously! it was amazing) into dub-step. by that final stage i'd been offered an opportunity to do something i'd forgotten i don't do in public (specifically; i don't do it at home either) or in normal doses (i've always been a light-weight), and all i could think of afterwards was louis ck telling the story of his experience smoking with kids in a parking lot after a show. my blood pressure dropped so low i couldn't stay standing, and the evening went from great fun to mild suffering. the deep, deep bass made my brain feel good but produced the sensation of liquifying insides, and as soon as i'd rested off enough of the effects i took a taxi home.

what a bummer!

---
saturday:

i *had* to take the morning slow. when i eventually got out of bed i recalculated my budget, took a couple of items to the dry-cleaners and walked along the sunny highway entranced by the similarity between the noise from the traffic and a day on the beach with strong waves crashing constantly. i was walking along a highway with my body while my brain was at the beach.

i found the gym with the help of some guys leaving it (the only sign on the building is a poster for a ballet studio). after a quick tour, i signed up enthusiastically: i dropped a lot of cash on a three-month trial membership, but overall it works out really reasonable per month for all-access!

VERY pleased.

i wasted an opportunity to go snowboarding because i went to the bank; i didn't have some information i needed, so i gave up and came to the-office-favourite indian restaurant for a delicious meal. now i'm ready to spend my afternoon chilling.