actually alive - summary and part ii

[... continued]

i got home for a quick refresh, tried and failed to use twilio to talk to my mum (just another example of the fine decision-making i've been doing), and found myself running late to get to the saq and pick up wine on my way. i walked out to surprising sweater weather, did some web development on my iphone while i walked, and remembered when i got there that i *hate* wine shopping. i know less about wine's categories than i do about weed's, and i know pretty much nothing about weed.

a man stormed through the metro car, disturbing quite a lot of people. i scowled at him, then cringed in disgust when i realized that he was sucking on his fingers and using them to hold the poles, then became fascinated and sympathetic when i realized that he's some degree of autistic and was managing to take the metro during peak hours. holy shit (O_o)

aside from my faux pas with a malt beer - the drinks weren't in an obvious place and so i grabbed the only thing i could find in the fridge, which was specially bought for the one person who couldn't consume alcohol - and a lot of awkwardness with vector, and then an hysterical incident in which gd shared something that disturbed one of godmother's friends enough to make him get up and walk away... so it was a pleasant yet significantly awkward evening. overall, it was fun.

[shit feelings of rejection, but i don't recall specifics]

---friday 29th:

it was a good morning, but made uncomfortable by the discovery that one of my teammates (vapid) had forgotten that she'd taken on the responsibility of interacting with some fine folks who'd agreed to host us that evening. in retrospect, maybe i just shouldn't have said anything but then things started moving and suddenly there were only the two of us who could make it and we'd been invited as a team.

[a severe pause last a few days]

IT HAS BECOME APPARENT TO ME: that i cannot keep up with my own journal. i have been overloaded, exhausted and stressed by events unfolding in a way that makes me feel like i'm chasing my tail and every moment i would usually reserve for writing has been repurposed for everything else... anything else...

so i'm taking a break (officially versus de facto), dumping my notes and i'll either resume when i have space to breathe or find other forms of expression for my ocd event-gathering.

[notes]

bell pleasant cancellation services [seemingly, that fucker didn't change my address]
back to warm and sunny

meeting ejaculation: jokingly hissing "increase storage!" and having big junior jump on it because he's been saying it for ages

morning success
afternoon hours for first step

MAKING SHIT WITH GD WORSE

distraction and heartbreak
difficult end of week
making a decision hours too late, thinking about it and realizing that being a professional shouldn't have had to mean adding another layer of stress to an already fucked up week

a cup of coffee and a giant middle finger to the world for not giving a shit about what i want

radiohead - just at starbucks when it had been on my mind

p.m. pickup with clenched teeth
trevor noah - african american

---saturday 30th august:

supertongue surprising us at our back door
finding a wasp's nest
finishing the move from my apartment and two pharmacy visits for her insteps
woman's underwear in the taxi driver's glove compartment
atwater satay fail then mushroom delight
mouth party floss mirror metro fall
meeting horseman at mcgill
long underground mission, switching shirts with horseman
missing popeye's by five minutes and it being the primary point of the mission
liquid nutrition second smoothie fail
home gd being clumsy
not exactly napping
iga run, indian delivery
rick and morty and exhaustion
...
ren and stimpy used to be on netflix :(

---sunday 31st august

good dreams, ending with a big family event seeing sick uncle looking good and bursting into tears
twilio tweaking

gd family sensitivity explosion
jolly good brunch with godmother
a votre sante and then the pharmacy when in a hurry

just enough time to find lease
anxiety inducer: what is it with everyone constantly changing the rules of the game? why is the universe challenging me?

amazing orange surprise sorbet at yeh!
handover fail lie: provigo is *not* in front of the building
assignment done!!! (forgetting the kettle)

shopping at jean coutu getting revenge on shitty french-only woman and iga does deliveries
pinching nerve

salif keita - madan (exotic disco mix) - finally found the track!
long dinner process with cookies and root beer

jim jeffries - alcoholocaust some hysterically funny, some grim and clever, some disappointing

early night tired frustrated irritated

---monday 1st september:

labour day much needed

dreams:
hundred of wormy leeches burrowed into my skin
pg's sister making me follow her for ages in order to tell me that pg's trying to get pregnant

gd-proofing the apartment
mushroom hunting - another gorgeous sunny day to be avoiding for my hair removal
too many haircuts, pinched nerves, gd music dropbox rescue, arranging things, twilio, sagirl, mom

twilio "good enough" for mom call
mom's horror story, a nightmare of theft not only of what she had, but the generation of super debt

OF COURSE the tim horton's where sagirl and i were meeting is closed
coffee, chinese, the village (sky pub)

back home, good talks
tons of spiders and discussing parktown prawns
the new jim jeffries

---tuesday 2nd:

insanely loud construction early in the morning
twilio fix might not be ideal [actually, it's looking pretty good right now]
superhot in the metro waiting to renew my pass

burning hours in the boardroom
why do i forget sunscreen EVERY time i leave?
quick and easy $200 for furniture... whoops! forgot key deposit
twilio success
excessive multitasking, programming success, vm transfer fail and [apparent] ffmpeg bug [we'd figure it out eventually] convincing me that i need to get into github

reading my poetry at people taught me about stm subscriptions

hearing hebrew at epicure then russian at the walmart thinking it was hebrew
quick recycle bin shopping and almost losing my headphones having to carry it through the rain then gd shouting enthusiastically into my headphones when i hadn't put the volume down

out of the metro car and into a spiderweb??
rain iga mission
[hormones and potential excitement]
a comforting sense that winter's coming and it's going to be a good one
dinner, laundry, hiccup hysterics
bluetooth ipad keyboard

gd's aunt paralysed broken c4/c5 and reconnecting with family

early bed

---wednesday 3rd:

3am, 5am shouting at supertongue not to snooze, gd "trouble sleeping", dreams interrupted midsentence and then me going back in time to redo the officer's course
dreaming a bad joke about cats sleeping outside and the oxford comma that can't be retold

gd comic collaboration agreement
gd finished saga vol 1 and is hooked on world war z

emails from slobodan not-quite milosevic
... realizing i've wasted half a day on vm issues...
comic test for one of my co-workers (hac)

staring dumbly at an android blindside
rough code review - big junior super-sensitive

surprise apartment juggling for friday handover

yawning and tiiiiired

hurried shopping forgotten nutritional yeast
urchin's exhibiting in jerusalem
ha - supertongue missed the ukraine festival by one week

of course the metro's stuck on me and my frozen goods
quick home run, then just missing two trains to get the the slam team meeting

starbucks servers: tiny girls with disproportionately large ears

it is so hard to listen to someone you don't respect as an artist
vapid's greeting touch making me uncomfortable

introducing gd to strip search

---thursday 4th:

cool morning
comic site setup
gd and her friend discussing chinese astrology: when's the year of the luck dragon?

gorgeous hot sunny morning with a cool breeze

tell unfunnier jokes rather... i think i overdid it
work slow going, warcraft ii invite pressure
throwback thursday game, getting my ass kicked just like the old days

seether tickets acquired!

big junior's amazing find: ogv.js

i've never seen so many people brushing their teeth in the middle of the day before - i wonder if there's a literal kind of ass-kissing going on?

weather on is a cool app
aching hands and feet
absolute exhaustion, falling asleep at my desk, early third coffee

chicken and egg compilation, the difference 4gb of memory makes to a build
listening to techno feeling better

wasted again for kickboxing but working through dizziness

dehydrated, tired, knowing i gotta eat, dealing with "ovary acting" for the first time in my life

strip search

---friday 5th:

farts of doom

phone alarm too quiet having to search for it

supertongue blaming a vegan diet she hasn't tried for gaining weight after a gluttonous long junk-food weekend made me angry

beautiful morning post-disturbing stomache, slightly better news from mom

super-quiet sunny streets and definitive weekend vibe, in spite of pinched nerve

good git morning
twilio progress while compiling
apartment handover / deposit cheque direct to pg

waste of compiling time

hac chat off the clock: not illustration but perhaps a climbing partner

twilio success, leaving just after the crazy thunderstorm

boxing coach abandoning us to his top guy and me to the man with the bum wrist, great class insane sweating made worse by metro heat and fast walk to get to masala palace before they closed, desperately needing the aircon and water and thoroughly enjoying the food (butter-free naan bread!)

gaming night resurrected at vfmp's

---saturday 6th:

making the last metro
washable marker amusement (became a running gag)
laundry while overheating and twilio

great sleep
still muggy in the morning, waking up to big ugly bug climbing up my back

rained on, early poetry meeting and rabbit throwing water and just missing me

midi 6
not much rest, poetry soundcloud mom chat twilio fail

a horror story about a girl i went to school with who at age 34 finally found love and he was just killed in an accident

godmother visit, supertongue established as utterly weird
the dog's energy levels astounding

---omg

the woman on the metro wearing giant headphones and staring straight ahead with stone-cold eyes while her kid screamed her little head off desperate for her attention, who didn't move until i'd glared at her furiously for at least fifteen seconds... everybody else pretending not to notice or smiling at me as if this was some kind of amusing "aw, shucks" kind of story.

it's so nice that they'll let just anyone breed, but loving parents desperate to adopt are turned away so easily.

---mezuzot: on judaism and stories and barefeet and bare heads and pure hands and intentions

and real rest. and love children.

mak mak french / english fuckup and next time only ordering for one

posting with batman in the background

epic scifi fantasy dreams star wars robots try to fuck us up after surrendering and me on the run, stumbling across a bridge in a tunnel currently being used to extract a magic tome used in a ceremony and having to prove my intentions to those in the world on the other side

---sunday 7th:

late sleep
yuna has only two good tracks (lullabies and fading flower)
haircut and stretching and late for kgb visit and him picking us up while we prepare for the day but we forgot to prepare gifts...

gd's rum vs whiskey sabotage

unbelievably perfect weather, sunny but cool with a definite sense of autumn

pharmacy and dollarama and complete exhaustion
steel panther - glory hole is an awesome (disturbing) music video

metro sleep

pre-slam meeting positive
meeting a fellow ex-lone-soldier
huge turnout for vogon poetry - the feature (fortner anderson)was truly awful. almost all of the rest of the poetry was amazing, everyone's been doing their homework this summer.

i took second and the team took a large some of money towards fundraising.

a great evening ruined by vapid touching me inappropriately, the fallout under extreme headache / exhaustion and the night become a nightmare

---monday 8th:

new pillow discomfort
not quite enough sleep
vapid sexual harassment email discomfort
general mood improvement but leaving late

decent relaxed recovering morning
getting december vacation permission and treating myself to harvey's (double veggie burger and salad)

booking tickets to south africa!!!

losing the extra-coffee war (four cups a day is now a thing)
new strategies, recalling why irc sucks

wasabi-pea tears in the parking lot
realizing the depth of the expression "christ on a stick"
shopping, almost walking into a double spiders trap
shopping fail [they ran out of everything], awesome cheeseless pizza instead

hot coffee is disturbing, that chained to fahrenheit 9/11
feeling uncomfortable, lying down to feel more so, eventually giving up and going to bed

seeing myself perform gives me insight as to how much i move around too much

---tuesday 9th:

reading rabbit's poetry for our team album
learning that my jokes at work are appreciated
big junior definitely not digging me [but he chilled as the week went on]
vapid insulted by my email, her response exactly what women complain about when men get defensive
ffmpeg brain scratching - parameters in MICROseconds???

gd iga follow-up fuckup [still no food]
good kickboxing training - give 120%! empty the tank! then work harder!
hard knees and thanks for the sparring, but no.
the french dude's gotta return to france on the 22nd and he doesn't want to leave montreal

big easy shopping at the old supermarket
johnny clegg mode
discussing vapid and parents and siblings - unfortunately unrecorded and very poetic
late dinner and american beauty
on poetry professionalism

do i mind if gd reads one of my favorite books in bed???

---wednesday 10th:

early rise, second rest sooo comfortable
too many tasks and indiegogo account fail
final vapid mail
big junior more pleasant
work going around in circles
volunteering for company's emergency response team
one of the slam team's computer microphone and mine are shittier than phones
remembering sunscreen on my way out!
opposing my own reference for the caretaker of my old apartment
arguing atheism with supertongue [just saw this on slashdot]
mind melting javascript revelations
big junior r&d support
contact a rabbi for gd conversion discussion

exhaustion, sasquatch metro company, popeye's
two toilet queue jumpers at the starbucks
cypher: a dumbass journalist-poet-wannabe, katalyst sharing surprisingly good stuff
vapid not showing up

ovary acting stress and the beginnings of a fun poem on the topic
dinner delight and how to train your pet dragon

---thursday 9/11:

the kind of rainy morning your body gets out of bed for with your spirits still under the blankets
nystire finally taking his stuff from pg, repurchasing lady of mazes
big junior good start
returning to an old avenue of inquiry, small successes
noon cheque mission, no express queues and no visible instructions for depositing cheques. when will my bank accept photos through their app?
gd in too much pain to make plans
suspiciously delicious thali pushap
twilio test and mom chat
bell customer dissatisfaction - calling me to ask why i rated them badly and then giving me more reason to hate them?

big junior during a meeting: what's slashdot?

pleasant evening: though i shouldn't have badmouthed my previous coworkers, i felt arrogant and sasquatch could've understood all the wrong things. [i talked with him in the morning, it's all good]

örmagörd: the realization that 1000 in currency is called "a grand" and two grand is referred to as "two large" in slang and grand = large in french.

p.m. delight
jumping on the bandcampwagon: bandcamp is a UX masterpiece. it's obviously designed for artists who don't care for technological bullshit and difficulties and just want to get stuff done. slick and awesome.

wasting time on the youtube vids because the guy in charge needs his hand held - but still grateful to him for his efforts so having to be super polite about it.

GETTING NO WRITING DONE

---yesterday (!!!):

1am to bed with the same beard line as before
waking up at something am with strep throat?

bell's friendly agent: "once in a blue moon accidents happen" uh-huh
ten degrees and shorts because of chewing gum and cold hands
big junior good meeting
bell cutting into my lunch again when i'm already short an hour

sneezing so hard my headphones fell off

interesting afternoon but feeling slow
ALMOST succeeding, partial better than nothing but still frustrating

stunning cold late afternoon walking into the weekend needing it

great winter pants at walmart!

youtube schmuck / being a little harsh... he switched the titles on my videos.
great evening until it turned super shitty with gd in pain and angry about it, my sinus headache stuffy brain tired

---today:

nyquil stoned late wake no breakfast, rabbit visit, forgotten backpack running with it open and no razor for my laser appointment

good poetry with mcc

higher laser intensity: "women do this on their entire bodies". men have lower pain thresholds. i don't want to imagine further.
gd quick stop for a kiss "so cute!"
rejoining the meeting

good full sandwich at aux vivres + carrying dragon sauce + postponed coaching + mom call + dying phone no charger - then second mom birthday call using twilio freakin awesome. erm. PHreakin' awesome.

coming home, realizing that something's got to give and it's this. now done, going to chill a bit.

highs, lows and the navigation thereof

"efficient, organized, neat, and systematic"? i'm trying, mom. i'm trying. but the last two weeks (?!?!!!) have been absolutely insane, they've seen me hit real lows for the first time in many years and some seriously real highs as well. i don't know where to begin The Great Posting, but i've got to start somewhere.

considering the fact that i'm overwhelmed by all the crazy shit i'm doing right now, my journal might be reduced to a long list of barely intelligible items.

oh, well. have a performance instead.

not so much resting or relaxing - part vi

[... continued]

giving bad project estimates means forcing bad choices. i sent my manager two estimates, the first a day to a week and the second a week to a month. i know i'm right about those estimates, but i knew he'd have to go for the quicker option which is going to prove a wasted effort whether it works or not :/

after a week of stressing i finally picked up my new visa, and was impressed by the activation experience. i called, keyed in the card details, and was done. no need to speak to anyone, no time wasted. :)

...

some days i think regex is a tool of the devil, and some days i really like it. friday was a day i was really grateful for it.
i left the office just in time to catch the metro (for the second day in a row), with my hours eerily precisely making thirty-five. i was done, exhausted, and i'm still wondering how i ever managed forty hour weeks. forty hour weeks suck!

gd and i had both been getting excited to go to a friend's rooftop barbeque, and we were on our way out the door when disaster struck in the form of her back giving out (agonizing pinched nerves, i don't know what expression works). she wanted me to go and i was torn between going and not leaving her alone, which resulted in a pseudo-fight which resulted* in a night in with takeout thai food that i must admit wasn't a bad alternative.

* i feel the need to clarify that there were no losing sides on this one

hunter x hunter's 2011 reboot is now on netflix, so we watched an episode. gd seemed to enjoy it, but the subtitles thing made it hard :(

so that was the end of a very long week.

---yesterday:

i woke up and shaved beneath my chin for what i hope is one of the last times ever. it was a stunning summer day and while the laser is pretty damned painful the process was quick and clean. and not too expensive, as just before i paid i realized that purchasing a year's worth of treatments is not nearly as much value for money as pre-paying the expected number of treatments. aside from an initial burn, i had no reactions and the lingering smell of burning hair was probably the worst part. at least the intense pain was quick.

slam team: another productive meeting, but time flew by and we were all hungry and tired after three hours of performing and critiquing. i was frustrated because my netbook is practically comatose and i had to use my phone for everything (at least my new phone's not a bad experience), and when i got home (in the late afternoon) i wasted time trying to boot from a flash drive to reinstall ubuntu (apparently impossible) and trying to synchronize a backup folder over dropbox instead of using said flash drive. i was just tired and in stupid-mode, and i was aggravated by the fact that saturday's supposed to be my gaming day and i got no me-time in at all.

i did give the osteopath's exercises a go, though. i feel that just walking properly is making more of a difference. money well spent either way.

i had a long chat with my mother and then with gd about her work and about converting her to judaism**, which reminded me that i really should install mezuzot here.

** perhaps i'll post about our attitudes some day.

gd and i then made the evening ours and headed off to the imax to watch lucy. and the circle is finally complete.

not so much resting or relaxing - part NULL

saturday's supposed to be gaming day, but that doesn't seem to be on the cards for me. i'm *tired*, i don't have the energy to play doctor to a comatose netbook or do the exercises the osteopath gave me or knock items off my to-do list, i need to rest and i need to enjoy myself.

here's to caffeine and ocd instead. here's to going to see lucy instead. caffeine and ocd later, and i'll skip yoga tomorrow morning and actually get some rest.

i'm really trying

i just want to dump all the scribblings from the past week already, but my to-do list keeps piling up and i've been working hard and sleeping little.

mostly for good reasons, but today for shitty ones. at least i'm really coding again. it's been a long time.

fantasy holiday

yesterday:

on the way to godmother's, i asked about "ö". turns out we've been saying "örmagörd" a lot. dinner at godmother's was mostly nice, although uncle hate was being a right bastard and turned the salmon catching fire into an excuse to shame godmother's cooking - which is really good.

after dinner we walked to yeh!, and their raspberry / mango sorbet mix was AMAZING.

more disturbing than the vomit on the escalator at the metro station was gd reporting it and seeing the guy working the booth zip up his trousers as he stood up to respond.

...

i purchased final fantasy ix on psn last night, it's my first purchase and it seemed like a worthy one because i thought gd would like it. i started downloading it when it was already late, and it took longer than anticipated so my eyes were shutting long before i got to bed. i finally cleared the dishes and started reading dresden codak. it's stunning, but too many external references and i lose curiosity and just kinda buzz over whatever i miss...

---today:

so gd is not a gamer. i learned this this morning. turns out a combination of my wishful thinking and cognitive dissonance got in the way... after we'd established that, i received an email from my office informing me that i'll be starting work on monday, so that gives me a week of real holiday! obviously, i sat right down on the couch and fired up final fantasy again, this time with myself at the helm.

there's a lot less control than viii and not being able to save in a hurry is frustrating, but it's otherwise beautiful and cute and i'm looking forward to more. also, $10? worth it.

...

why is it not summer? what the hell is going on? it's been raining and miserable and chilly and it's mid-JULY already!

...

gd and i went to meet vfmp in the village, and we stopped at folies en vrac for wraps. their za'atar laffa was too hard, and their falafel too dry, but overall it was a tasty, solid lunch. we then sat down with vfmp for coffee, before deciding that it was too cold with the aircon. so we went outside, where the temperature had dropped and the wind had come up, so gd made her way home and we walked to sophie sucrée for damned good vegan cupcakes and tea.

[meta misunderstandings make for disturbing the peace]

vfmp and i had a long talk about political media bias, the arab-israeli conflict and what's going on over there right now, conservatives versus liberals and crowdsourced government. then i came home and [a weirdly upsetting and relieving discussion] and now shit's all good and i'm ready to relax.

just as soon as we get back from braving the cold to go shopping.

more than a week's worth

i'm not sure if i'm going to summarize, use bullets or separate into different posts, but this past week it's been impossible to update and i have to somehow merge my compulsion to put all my details in writing with my need to Get Other Shit Done. here goes...

almost out the closet

holy crap, a lot's happened this past week - but right now i just wanted to make a note of the fact that i've just outed myself as "fisher king", the name i'm about to assume as a slam poet because my real name is simply too darned popular. you might observe that i've updated both this and my poetry blog, although i don't plan on changing the urls anytime soon.

the process of choosing a pen-name was quite annoying, but after going through all sorts of strange ones i've settled on one that references both my identity and the wasteland in an appropriate fashion.

so i've gone from total waste's total waste to fisher king's total waste of a journal and totalwaste land to fisher king's wasteland. if you know me personally, you'll see why i find this all very amusing.

where gender wars end frisbeer begins part iii

[... continued]

---yesterday:

yesterday was all about ticking off checkboxes. it began with hearing seether's karma and effect, which, quite frankly, sucks. the music does nothing for me and the lyrics were disappointing to say the least. i listened to that while handling the immense mounds of dishes that had been steadily piling up - yesterday was the day that we decided that it's high time we actually move in together.

a good sign from work! my future boss sent me a list of technologies and frameworks that i need to familiarize myself with :)

we bought a couple of things i thought we needed and stopped for ice cream across from atwater market, taking the opportunity to evangelize the use of soya instead of dairy; the texture really is better! gd gave me a haircut, i dismantled a vacuum cleaner in order to remove a large rag, we hit walmart for a couple of things that saw us both exhausted and continually dropping whatever we were carrying, we slowly, slowly walked on sore legs towards an unhelpful cup of coffee on our way to the further supermarket to pick up daiya cheeses and spaghetti squash where a particularly kind cashier organized a discount on a box full of clif builder bars that had successfully held us up at the self-service counter effectively rendering it a not-self-service counter, then made the long mission home with gd becoming grumpy as we'd totally blown her two rest days by not actually resting.

in spite of her being tired, impatient and clumsy with exhaustion she made two dishes simultaneously while i did further damage to the contents of the sink, hers clam-based and mine tofu-and-bok-choy-based. mine was absolutely exquisite! we complemented that with more ice-cream and a couple of episodes of community and then went to bed.

---today:

i finally finished the dishes and resumed (and finished) the sandman comic. i paid my rent and got info on subletting my apartment, ran laundry and enjoyed a bloody good nap. i woke up, enjoyed *two* perfectly ripe kiwis* and finally got around to posting. my primary disturbances were lunch, watching birth of the living dead and myq kaplan: small, dork and handsome.

* my definition of a heavenly food

the former is excellent, and i found it so utterly validating to my proposed thesis! the latter didn't get a lot of laughs, but his humour is incredibly sophisticated and i thoroughly enjoyed most of it.

---uncharted play's products, soccket and pulse, are inspirational. i'm thinking of purchasing a pulse myself.

my gods: my unread mail counter is back up to 800, i keep accumulating you-have-to-read-these links i send to myself. maybe i should find another place to store them :S

what would jesus do?

it's gonna be weird writing this while i'm feeling so incredibly lonely that i don't actually feeling like sharing with anyone... i'm writing in my journal and exposing it to the world at large. rational behaviour?

---i shaved before i left, which meant a quick shower (i always manage to get little hairs on me, that's one disadvantage of using beard trimmers over blades) during which i wondered about this article on immersion improving cognizance that i read last night: aside from archimedes' discovery, apparently women do their best thinking in the bath. so it kinda makes sense...

it was so cozy on the metro, and i was so relaxed. as if i haven't stopped being relaxed since sunday's yoga lesson, like something really did get aligned properly and an emotional artery unblocked.

it's really cold tonight. absolutely freezing, primarily attributed to a mean wind that's been slapping everyone around since the late afternoon. pulse told me the place was on sherbrooke, google told me rachel. i decided to walk from mont royal station past rachel and on to sherbrooke. first, that's a much longer walk than i'd expected. second, google's definitely wrong. third, i couldn't find it on sherbrooke, either. we were supposed to meet at 8.15pm; i called at 8.20, and then at 8.30 and both times heard it ring until i got through to her answering machine.

how would you feel?
i sent a message with my frozen fingers briefly explaining what i'd been through and ending "... i'm going home. bon appetit!"

i pressed "send" and then realized that that could be construed as majorly passive-aggressive. then i thought about it some more, and figured that it would be appropriate nonetheless. i mean, what the hell? you invite me out to dinner, to a place which apparently isn't so easy to find, without specific directions and without making yourself available?

i feel like i've been made a fool of. whether by pulse or by the universe in general, i don't know. but i'm decidedly upset by this. i feel like shit; for this i skipped boxing? am i the asshole?

i didn't feel like stressing over dinner so i headed to la panthère verte at guy-concordia to sit and somberly eat a falafel. the traditional techina dripping out the bottom of the pita seemed to be mocking me.

i've returned home and i'm feeling sad. i've felt like this before, for sure, but right now i'm feeling it pretty keenly. i have friends and family here but i don't feel like it. i love it here and i've been extremely fortunate and all but i guess tonight's incident has sparked off some latent homesickness, and by home i mean cape town.

...

the only positive in all this was the violinist i walked past. there're a lot of homeless about tonight, but this dude was sitting on a corner in the freezing cold playing beautifully, and i tossed him a doubloon for his troubles and was glad to have been there to do so.

---while writing this i was listening to the radio, with a francophone interviewing an anglophone speaking in french with an atrocious accent. gods, i don't ever want to sound like that :S

there's something about the mother city

i have a lot of catching up to do, and this is not only the first opportunity to do so but it's also the last opportunity to post anything before ushering in the new year with three or four days of absolute insanity!

so let me begin by sharing a sense of where i am right now: it's summer, and it's summer in a relaxed and beautiful city currently populated by people keeping constantly busy having fun or doing as little as possible in every imaginable way. there's an odd sensation that you feel when you land in cape town, something that's not so much a smell as an indefinable sixth sense reminding you that you're in a place where magic is believable. everything's a little slower, a little nicer, a little prettier.

i hit the ground running, while today was meant to be a relaxed pre-new year's one i spent it getting ready (physically and mentally) for the big bang beginning early next morning as we head out for my niece's wedding. let's see how i do...

a good goodbye weekend

i've been separating out the last few days into individual posts, but that's not so simple... so this is just going to cover the weekend. the weekend was incredible! i'm praying that this isn't my last in montreal... what makes me nervous is that even though i'm legitimately here and have permission to stay until 2015, the border officials don't have to let me back in.

but if this was my last weekend, then it's the one that's made the best impression so far. hands down!

---friday:

once again i enjoyed sleep that can only be described as heavenly.

having arranged to pay aota a visit, i called her up to let her know that i was on my way.
"you don't understand the state i'm in. i can't see people."
"i'm not people!"
i braved the ridiculous snowstorm (it was really pretty)*, had an amusing ordeal at a local coffee shop** and spent an hour or two with her. by the time i left she was feeling much better, so i was glad.

while i was there i sent an email to the cto asking for my job back. he hasn't responded yet, i'm pretty sure that means he's not interested. oh, well. i had nothing to lose.

* i can finally understand people running when it's super-cold! the previous week's temperatures had conditioned us all to much worse, so everyone was relaxed and warm enough.

** the girl behind the counter couldn't find the soy milk.
"us vegans are such trouble-makers!" i joked.
"nonsense! not at all!" boomed the rotund, smiling owner, stepping out to the front from whatever he'd been doing.
an indian man walked in wearing nothing but a sweater.
"did you really go outside like that?" asked the owner.
"i work a block away, it was fine."
i chimed in with my previous observation, and that began a conversation that moved from the weather to accents to south africa, mandela, crime and politics. i was impressed that my coffee was still warm when i eventually explained that i had to leave. while i put my coat back on, the owner came over and put a piece of delicious-looking cake on the table.
"for you, my friend. merry christmas!"
i refused the cake, explaining that i'm vegan. he didn't seem offended but i kinda felt bad about not accepting it... later i'd feel doubly bad because i could totally have taken it to aota!

what a schmuck i can be :(

...

on the way to meet horseman for coffee i walked past a man busking. i tossed him $2 and got a happy clappy christmas song stuck in my head in return :S
horseman and i had coffee, i joined him on his mission to get chinese and then left him for friday night training.

vfmp arrived without gloves, so we did some basic footwork and then joined the jiu-jitsu class. it was a good class, i learned a lot and even more from vfmp's runtime commentary when we continued drilling afterwards. one of the guys in the gym (the guy who farted on me a short while back) warned us that he'd heard a report that we were going to experience freezing rain the next day. after getting home, i checked the weather report and everything seemed fine, snow was predicted. i stopped worrying about it.

when saying goodbye and leaving the gym, the girl wire's into was working the desk.
"sunday's the last day of your membership? but you're leaving wednesday? don't worry about it."
*taps on keyboard*
"you can come in on monday too, if you like," she said with a smile :)

i put on my boots on the mat at the entrance, sitting at an angle with my legs just jutting into the doorway. as i leaned over to tie them someone almost walked into me. i jumped back and apologized, looking up in gsp's face. again?! how embarrassing!

at vfmp's, we enjoyed a decent fake minced-meat and lettuce dinner - i don't usually approve of fake meats, but this wasn't bad and it's high protein. his brother joined us and we played thunderstone.
the game was great, but we realized too late that the barkeep should be bought early on! between that and the town guard the buying strategy got a bit crazy.

i was flattered to hear that vfmp and his boyfriend have agreed that if i have trouble at the border then his boyfriend will marry me in order to get me in. that's the second last-chance offer i've received (aota's was the first), and they've planted the idea of "mail-order husband" in my head :P

...

i stepped out into the post-snowstorm night with solid groovy trance and found it hard to contain the stomping and dancing that's been building up inside and pushing at the boundaries of my body. i can't wait for new year's!

...

i was planning on training the following morning, but on my way home realized that i was tired, it was late and i'd need to drive in harsh winter conditions. i figured that maybe it wouldn't be a good idea.

---saturday:

i woke up early, checked the weather report. freezing rain, ice pellets, sleet. shit. no way i was going to brave that, so i called up the rental agency and cancelled my reservation. the guy on the phone sounded irritated by he was efficient and didn't give me any grief. i messaged the guy i was going to travel with, and turned in for another couple of hours. the next day i would learn that the weather had actually been easier to drive in than the next day, which wasn't so bad.

*sigh*

when i woke up i decided to hit the gym; if i wasn't going to be able to snowboard, then i definitely wanted to make the most of what remained of my membership! i arrived around the same time as vfmp, but he was doing the jiu-jitsu gi class which i couldn't join. so i watched enough to get a sense of what they were doing and then focused on shadowboxing and the bags. the kid who hits too hard was around, so i asked if he wanted to spar. after the experience [mentioned here] i was feeling really good as i walked out of the gym.

vfmp waited for me while i showered, and we headed downtown for lunch and supplement shopping. the first meal was at liquid nutrition, their protein shake was oddly purple and delicious! the second was at cafe verdure, which has a nice atmosphere and all the food is vegan and gluten free. and also delicious! we even had desserts: the doughnuts were tasty but the texture was weird, the cupcakes were fantastic.

when i got home i decided it was nap-time. i tuned in to a french radio station which soon began a reading of the translated charles dickens - a christmas carol. what a win! and because i'm basically familiar with the story, i understood a little more than i might have otherwise.

i'd somehow scratched my forearm during the day, close to where my elbow is still recovering from the recent damage. the supermarket was warm, as usual, but when i stood in line at the cashier the scratch began to burn, and heat from it spread like fire throughout my body. i left my stuff on the conveyor and rushed to a bench to strip off my jacket and sweater... when i got home i found an old tube of antiseptic cream (expired a year ago) and rubbed a generous quantity on the area. a few more of those over the next day or two and everything seems okay now. only earlier this evening i managed to scratch the other arm in the same place! i don't know what's going on :S

...

there's nothing like pulling warm dry laundry out the dryer on a cold day.

---sunday:

after talking to sq, i called the israeli tax authority to find out why they think i need to fill out an "annual form" for 2011 if i don't have a "file" open.
"there was some anomaly during that year, so we opened a file for you and we'll close it as soon as we figure out what happened. sorry, but an annual form has to be filled out."
"okay. so how do i do that?"
"sir, i don't care about the what's and why's. you have to fill out an annual form."
"yes, i got that. but *how* do i do that?"
"sir, i just told you. i'm not going to repeat myself."
"you didn't explain a thing to me, i don't understand how to submit an annual report - especially not from outside the country - and i want you to explain the process to me!"
"sir, i'm sorry, i'm not going to repeat myself. have a nice day."
*click*

oh, israel, how i miss you.

...

fortunately my ranting online had an old friend put me in touch with an accountant who seems eager for my business. i've signed and sent him power of attorney forms and i'm hoping he'll come back to me with positive news...

---after three and a half hours' sleep i woke up, quickly readied myself and joined icarus outside. getting out of my road was a mission and a half with all the snow: first time i've shovelled any! the drive wasn't too bad but we needed to seriously heat up the inside of the car in order to stop ice forming on the windshield. that was kinda uncomfortable :(

my mind was on the morning's conversation all day, and i had paul simon - graceland in my head. we arrived at saint sauveur, i grabbed a cup of coffee while icarus rented his helmet (by now he's paid enough times that he could have bought his own with that money), and we headed out.

1. on the green run, i worked on switching and i'm now doing it at much higher speeds than before. awesome!

2. not as awesome as my last run. i'd had a really fun few hours on the slopes, mostly on black diamonds. for the last run i picked the route that i'd hurt myself on a few weeks ago - this time it was covered in giant moguls. i hit them at high speed, and not only maintained the speed but was navigating them instinctively; my mind was only registering what my body was doing just as i was doing it, and by the time i reached the bottom i turned around to look at what i'd been through, unable to figure out how i'd done it. i was on a serious adrenaline high, and although i'd been thinking of getting in another day before leaving i decided on the way out that *that* is the memory i want to travel with.

it was glorious!

the drive back was a little easier than the one there, and we returned to montreal just about when we'd intended. i posted what followed here.

...

bell's warning message that i'd reached 90% of my data plan was most welcome :P

birthday weekend 2013 - part ii

[...continued]

sunday morning:

i spent my morning simultaneously preparing for snowboarding and tidying up the apartment. icarus arrived with... a gift! supremely awkward, because although i appreciate the thoughtfulness - and in this case it's actually amusing - it's a Thing that exists purely to be Owned. not my style at all :(

it's a model of a porsche, to remind me of the porsche story.

we arrived at saint sauveur, the conditions were pure magic! only everyone and their grandmothers seemed to agree and the central lift was out of order. after lunch they fixed the lift, and then later on another exquisite snowstorm would begin... it was a fantastic day, i had plenty of great runs that alternated between switch practice and high-speed survival :D

on the return drive we plugged in my ipod and some trance came on; icarus isn't into electronic music, but i explained to him what trance is all about (that all the music is in the beats and bassline, in the nuances and the spacing / timing) and he got it so quickly that soon he was happily nodding his head to some pretty hardcore stuff!

the difference between going alone and going with friends: the day cost me a total of $2.50, and that was for the coffee :)

when i got home and showered i called sagirl, who'd been telling me repeatedly to get to the d'iberville metro station which i couldn't find on my map. until i realized that the magnet holding up the map was sitting precisely on the station :$

i headed out there, and it was great seeing her! and meeting her friend. we had an excellent evening, the very cool place we went to for dinner had veggie options and we spent the evening discovering that we share more friend networks than we thought and giving her friend an amusing lesson in cape town nightlife history :)

...

the street was empty so i decided to do some funny footprints in the snow on my way home. as i walked backwards back to the pavement i registered a dark figure mere metres away and walking towards me.

i spun around and continued completely nonchalantly. but i was very relieved when they walked past my building entrance and didn't enter!

---monday:

i was distracted constantly by conversations while trying to drop items off my to-do list. my alarm woke me to the unfortunate reality that it was time for my root canal treatment... i just missed the first metro and the second was delayed, so i arrived about ten minutes late.

the two hours in the chair went by very slowly, the soothing classical music in the background and the complete disengagement of my mind made it very hard to stay awake. i was warned a few times that i was closing my mouth, but what the hell? why can't they just use a clamp or something?
SO... while he managed not to hurt me at all, he informed me after he was done that the procedure had taken much longer than anticipated because my nerves were longer than he'd thought and that there had been four canals that needed cleaning and not three. oh, and the calcification interfered too, apparently. so instead of finishing the job, he slapped on cotton wool and temporary filling and i had to make another appointment.

i'm not impressed. i'm even less impressed now that i've heard four separate stories that make this seem entirely normal.

...

i got home with a sore jaw and still a little upset, and spent the following hour or two translating middle english. i then watched sucker punch, which is a fun movie but not the the one icarus was telling me about.

i was planning on posting this all after dinner, but i procrastinated and eventually had to go to bed. not before discussing my grandfather's yahrzeit with my mum... each anniversary of the death of a parent we're supposed to remember them by joining ten male jews for prayers. in addition to not caring too much for prayers others have invented... or hunting the ten men... i also know that our parents live on through us and that our daily actions determine whether we're respecting their memories or not. and that's regardless of whether they're alive or dead.

---today:

well, i've posted, finally. that's something.

---a friend of yang's asked me for help programming, and at one point i couldn't decide if the kid was trolling me or not. he wants help with something but is unable to articulate where he's having trouble. i explained to him that a fundamental skill of programming is knowing how to break down problems into manageable pieces, and his response was "oh, they're only teaching that next semester."

i suggested that he re-evaluate his choice of studies, if he's not interested in using his brain to figure things out then software is definitely NOT for him.

hibernation or bust - part ii

[... continued]

today:

gaming night went on until 3am. in spite of my physical health i enjoyed the evening and i think it was worth it, but i really was feeling like shit. i got a ride to the night bus home and was waiting for it when yang called to tell me what an incredible party i'd be missing, and i was in such a bad way that i didn't even care. all i could think of was "am i really sick? has my training put me in real jeopardy?"

i had sinus and throat trouble sleeping and eventually took a tylenol, which led me to overheat and wonder if i was experiencing a breaking fever.

...

my morning (early afternoon) involved long chats with my mom and with dirk diggler, pg and the caretaker. i didn't have energy for anything so i sat down in front of tekken and the rest of orange is the new black, the finale of which is incredible. what an emotional roller-coaster! what superb writing!

...

what the hell am i eating? i neglected myself all day, so i ran out to the supermarket to get my shit together. i stopped by the pharmacy to give back a whole bunch of meds i no longer need.
"i read that i should return these things to the pharmacy for disposal, but i'm not sure how serious i should take it. is this a thing?"
"yes, sir. it's a thing."

this evening has now been successfully destroyed by my obsession with posting, and i'm now about to make dinner and do nothing some more.

---urchin finally got in touch with me a couple of days ago and i'm still floored: not only is her cancer now in remission, but she's been told that she can have kids if she wants and her on-off boyfriend appears to have figured himself out and they've moved in together. i am *so* pleased and pleasantly surprised ^_^

---someone introduced me to a wonderful little comic by kostas kiriakakis called a day at the park. i humbly beg you to read it, it's beautiful.

---phonebloks: take a look. once upon a time, about ten years ago, i pitched this EXACT idea to a couple of friends with money (i had none) and they were certain that the idea was doomed to fail. it's nice to be validated by the universe, but it would be even nicer if i'd be the one to capitalize on even half of the great ideas i've had. life and its priorities.

*sigh*

dog-eat-dog

yesterday:

i tried to take my broken headphones back to source to take advantage of my warranty; the first door was locked and barred but the second was open. i checked the times listed and stepped inside. the girl behind the counter was really welcoming, but when i told her what my problem was she stopped me.
"i'm so sorry, but you're in the wrong store."

what?! apparently people make that mistake all the time, i'd actually walked into eb games.

"penny arcade?" she asked, looking at my hoodie. "nice!"

i appreciated that a cute girl had said that. then i thought about it a bit. i love penny arcade and have been a fan since forever, but i'm a little disappointed by the rehashing of the dickwolves in spite of the response. i expressed my feelings during the transgender post, like everyone else i was upset by the mass stupid but i kinda ignored the fallout. i understand why they made the shirts but that really was going too far and i didn't really think about it until now.

i'm still a huge fan, but a little less gushing now.

---i was tired when i arrived at the office. so was everyone else. we spent a long day indoors which was only a thing because i went outside looking for lunch and it was an intensely beautiful day! perfect weather for anything except work! the supermarket was out of my usual frozen meals and the lebanese place was out of falafel (really?!), so i got to enjoy a bit of the afternoon as i strolled around looking for vegan food that wasn't what i'd had the day before. i couldn't find any, so i returned to the indian place.

in the office, i'd taken to playing my music loud as we were the only ones there. lots of rock, a little hip hop. before he went, most-likely-to-become-a-sex-offender played some of his playlist and he had some pretty good shit. then, as a goodbye, he played nirvana - rape me.

seriously.

...

by the evening i was done. "minimal" and "feature complete" were what i'd been instructed to aim for, but if you've spent a few minutes planning and base your software on an extensible design then all sorts of helpful features tend to creep in organically and effortlessly.
i called darn over to check it out, and he told me "i'll see it tomorrow."

what? when we're on a crazy deadline and need to be integrated and operational the very next day? i wasn't having any of it. i instructed him to come over and set him in front of my computer. he saw everything he and megaman had asked for. he tried to break it. he failed. he stood up.

"keep going."

nice one. just before committing my work and getting out of there i made a few changes and one of them introduced a bug that i'd only find today after a massive hunt; now that i know what the cause was, it *still* doesn't make any sense :S

---i dropped my gear off at home and headed down to aota's for coffee and venting (hah! "venti"). that turned out to be a really good idea because i discovered a few interesting things about the office dynamic that i'd been in the dark about. after we'd talked a heck of a lot, she took me to visit her rabbi (it was really late already) to pick up two mezuzot.

the rabbi's such a sweet guy, i really wish aota hadn't asked him to justify a deceptively racist statement i'd called her out for making earlier. he almost didn't fall for it, but he didn't want to make waves so he tried to step around it - this resulted in him unwittingly arriving at an even worse conclusion. amazing what power words have...

i put them up when i returned home, it's been a while. mystical. i spent some time recounting my work hours and remembering that in my case overtime is never unpaid because i'm authorized to take it back whenever it suits me. i can't say the same for everyone else, though... not cool...

---today:

i woke up feeling much better. spiritually. partially because of the conversation with aota, mostly because i managed to get through to my mortgage bank and the lawyer's given me a good feeling regarding the apartment sale. maybe the mezuzot had something to do with it? :P

i enjoyed a better attitude the whole morning and managed to keep a friendly face in spite of megaman and darn and their evil machinations. remember the "keep going" from last night? i was informed this morning that on friday they'd pushed back the deadline a couple of weeks. friday! so why did we all come in over the weekend?

when i asked when i should let everyone know, i was told not to say anything because it would be demoralizing if the devs found out they'd come in for nothing. so we should keep the pressure on.

those evil fuckers.

there will be Very Big Words soon.

---other than that, it was an oddly reasonable day. i left early and got home to find it right-side-up after the cleaning lady had done her thing - very cool! i had a chat with my mum and then rushed off to muay thai.

i thought i was better, and that the headache that was just beginning was standard sinus and nothing more. i swallowed a tylenol and downed an energy drink before training, and arrived feeling alright after an intense jog. it felt good to step onto the mat and the warmup began well... except that that didn't last. halfway through the warmup i was struggling. really struggling. when my muscles refused to respond and i was dizzy i stepped off to the side to recover my breath and focus. it didn't take long for me to realize that for me the class was over - i apologized to the instructor and went to drink some water and try to recenter. i hoped i'd be ready for boxing, but after about ten minutes i found that just standing (and talking) was tough and i returned home pretty bummed.

at least it was a good excuse to watch ted videos and fix the '99 pants i ripped. they're not dead! they're getting better!
i did some shopping, made a great salad and watched a large chunk of reincarnated. the documentary makes me take back laughing at snoop lion for his reinvention.

great, i had stuff to do but i needed to post. dammit.

humble pie

i bought into the humble bundle last week, and while i was waiting for my follow-up exam on thursday i began reading wil wheaton - just a geek. i've been reading it on and off, finishing it this evening. the first time i ever heard his name was on the big bang theory. the second time was on the guild. i'd already seen an episode or two of tng, but i had no idea he was wesley!

the story he tells is insightful and interesting and personal, and i'm now unreservedly a wil wheaton fan. not of the actor, not of the writer, but of the actual wil wheaton. he really does deserve his break.

---in this book, wil's done what i was intending to do with all of my army posts: use extracts to tell the surrounding stories. it's inspired me to attempt to return those posts to this blog - i cannot for the life of me recall why i removed them in the first place, but i've kept backups. let's see how this goes...

peak to trough - part ii

[... continued]

so after a long day i was tired to the point of feeling ill, and slightly wired to boot. i babysat the cto through a big two-part integration, with the second part being delayed until the following morning. i got a ride from our qa manager because a crazy thunderstorm was brewing, and all i wanted to do when i got home was crash.

unfortunately, i had laundry to do. i kept myself occupied with stargate sg-1 and jackass 3 while it ran, but then had a problem: it was too hot and humid to sleep. seriously. i've been living in the middle east, the ultimate hot and humid, for twelve years and this here felt way worse.

i guess i'm a winter person now.

to my mind it's plausible that a part of the heat came from within: even hours after my laundry came out the dryer it was still piping hot. perhaps i have it the other way around. whichever.

---i'm picturing a future civilization figuring out how to play an unearthed copy of jackass 3 and treating it as a cultural artifact representative of the times. if it's a choice between jackass and cartoons, the cartoons would make me proud of my species. they're kind of the same, only one's a little more focused on bodily functions.

---thursday:

after a sleepless, uncomfortable night i got up at 6am to complete the integration. it took an hour and wasn't at all fun*, plus i pissed him off because i made a comment about some badly written code and it apparently wasn't my place to do so.

* although i was praised for my patience and my ability to teach

i did manage to pass out for an hour after that, which made dragging myself to work all the tougher. as i stepped outside the building i found myself refreshed! if the apartment's worse than outside, i need air conditioning.

the quote of the day came from newk'd: "the internet connection is up and down, and i've come to accept it. it's like i've been born into poverty".

i was super-busy in the morning, i had a lot of hands to hold and some big decisions to make; at noon i needed to put my eye drops in before heading out to the clinic for my follow-up appointment. at noon i was called in for a surprise urgent meeting with the cto (who was supposed to be on holiday, which was why we did the integration at 6am) to go over a bunch of things we've already gone over three times. i was not amused.

---technician: "oh! what happened to your eye? that doesn't look so good."
me: "actually, i like it."
technician: "ha, ha! you're very funny!"
me: "no, seriously. it's grown on me! i'm going to be sorry when it gets better."

i don't know why she thought that was the funniest bit. afterwards i saw the surgeon, who asked me how i feel. "so you're good? and you've just come to confirm? excellent."

i began reading wil wheaton's just a geek using the kindle app and i gotta say, i'm quite surprised at how entertaining it is. he's basically done what i wanted to do with all of my army posts. erm. with his own blog posts, i mean.

i had some personal meetings with a few developers in the afternoon and it became a good boss day for me: i'm sorry i didn't do this before. i learned some very important things, in particular i discovered a monumental miscommunication between megaman and one of our remote workers that changes our game significantly!

i entered an email time warp, slowly catching up to the present. jock was kind enough to take me to the walmart - he needed something and i wanted an a/c. walmart was a total failure, not just because they were all out of reasonably-priced units but because comms were down for the area so it was all cash only. we then went to canadian tire, where the units either required permanent installation (heck, no) or were way more expensive than i'd like for something i'm hoping is only short term. i eventually walked out with a window fan, which isn't the same at all but it's still pretty cool. it also makes a loud humming noise, which i find helps me sleep better :)

i had a long chat with my mother in the evening, and it looks like we're both managing well lately. this is good!

late night shopping wearing sunglasses is weird.

hovek olam - star sounds orchestra popped up on my playlist and i had to share the smile. i haven't heard it in a looooooong time...

i was a much better night, i declined posting in order to get into bed quickly.

[continued...]

healing

1. jiu-jitsu partnered with a man slightly shorter than me and about twice my weight. i couldn't get my legs around him and my leg was hurting so much i had to pause to breathe through my teeth a few times.

2. kickboxing totally loosened my up and by the time i got to working on the bags i was ready to kick the shit out of it. i think i might have relieved myself of a little of the work pressure that built up this week, i walked away totally satisfied and ready for more.

3. wall stretching: the tall, strong dude i was partnered with was working harder than i was, to the point where someone else noticed and laughed because it was clear that i was using him to stretch myself instead of being stretched. and he was shaking more than i was :P

4. during a break i asked a question and got a really helpful answer. plus a solid shot to the liver for my troubles.
"that's so you remember".
scrapper's influence on me: stumbling, not falling, and wheezing "thank you sir, may i have another!".

---the day began with a double "you done good" from the cfo and aota: the way i dealt with botswana was appreciated by everyone. i also had a little chat with my team and made it clear that they're to report to me both professionally and personally.

the network will be down at least until wednesday, so i took ceh out to l'artere to eat and use their wifi. firstly, their vegan take on shepherd's pie (sweet potato and lentils) was delicious and too much for me. secondly, ceh's attitude towards documentation and project constraints doesn't fit with mine and it's going to take work to bring him to a compromise. at least i think he realizes now that i'm not simply being anal about everything.

while he was playing with a remote server i was being told by k-twang how bad my blog design is. so i took his advice and modified my template accordingly, i hope it's a better experience for everyone.

the cto arrived and we had a number of different talks throughout the day. they were all positive and i think he'd forgotten how organized i am since he's started interfacing with megaman. one of our talks was quite exciting, especially as i had his attention long enough to pitch an idea i had ages ago that developed into something even more awesome as i was speaking. we may not see eye to eye on everything, but there's a shared vision for where our tech should go that makes me feel like all the annoying and frustrating things that have happened over the past couple of months were totally worth it.

the rest of my day was broken into small fires and management. overall things are going smoothly and i'm happy with how this week's ending. also, amazed at how quickly it's gone by and how much i feel has happened!

on my way out i realized i could control my limp at the cost of each step hurting (which is subconsciously where the limp came from). the last thing i wanted was to stop using my muscles correctly.

---right, it's 11pm and i've had much less sleep this week than i've wanted. i've also got a big stack of things that need doing, including making dinner.

scribbles iii

damn. i don't want to write posts anymore because i don't feel like i have the time. but i can't not, with my info ocd.

---friday:

1. cold, rainy snoozing. each day of crap weather has been harder to get up for.

2. gog's newsletter is dangerous. very bad for the wallet. currently there's a sale on that includes both cannon fodder games (which i've really wanted to check out for years but each abandonware copy is unusable) and the entire leisure suit larry collection. i had to.

3. work: i finally caught hold of the cto and he gave me a tutorial on working with a central part of our systems i've never had access to before. it was actually quite exciting! even more exciting was that the opportunity was being taken in order for me to be able to build what i need to integrate everything properly, instead of having him build something we can't use without sidelining everything that's already functional.

4. half the company bailed on the happy hour, so those of us who were left decided to head downtown and mix the happy hour with the crescent street craziness. crescent street itself was rather disappointing, but the first bar was nice and then we returned to peel pub, which got a bit silly after the long island iced teas and more beer. after that a few of us returned to the office and played great pool before calling it a week.

i'd definitely had too much to drink. i spoke to yin for a while, then put myself to bed.

scribbles ii

damn. i don't want to write posts anymore because i don't feel like i have the time. but i can't not, with my info ocd.

---thursday:

1. i woke up feeling the night before. not in a bad way, really...

2. my tenant's rent was more than four days late, and i was not impressed. he apologized profusely by email, but i'm not sure he really understood when i explained to him that i need to know before there's a problem, not be ignored. not impressed.

3. of all the platforms i've ever used, mac os is the dumbest. i'm horrified whenever something that's supposed to be so clean and fluid repeatedly does exactly the opposite of what i instruct it to. also, the battery thing is completely ridiculous. i have to bleed it out to prevent it from dying, but if i get distracted (as often happens) between the warning and the shutdown then i have to wait upwards of five minutes for it to restart. what the hell?!?!

4. the night before at peel pub i ran into a guy from the gym, and he substituted for our regular kickboxing instructor. he drinks a lot every night, and yet he trains hard every day. he killed us! although he did introduce a bit of taekwondo, and it was nice to feel in full control for once :P

5. intending to try crescent street again i called up yang. my uncle answered the phone and couldn't figure out who i was, he must have been rattled because earlier that day yin had been run over my a postal truck. after ascertaining that she was stabilized, i joined yang but he was no longer in the mood for festivities so we went to cock 'n bull instead. neuroscientist and another friend of his rocked up, and we talked non-stop until i decided it was late and that i should be heading home. the other guy was in need of some guidance, and i do take my responsibilities as a pastafarian minister seriously :)

6. i ate dinner watching death note. it's not mind-blowing, but it is very cool.