something's wrong

something's really, really wrong. i feel like i'm losing my mind, like people are avoiding me, like there's something happening in the background that i'm only dimly aware of. i keep saying things i don't mean, and i'm having trouble saying the things i do.

maybe it's the agitation brought on by the reminders of my current and ridiculously long torment, spending the vast majority of my time with people who cannot understand me. maybe it's because i know i'm going to be on holiday soon and that's made me edgy. maybe it's the apartment story being up in the air.

whatever it is, i feel like i'm not really here at the moment. the only really positive moments are those spent zoning out to great music or minutes with my guitar - at least that seems to be picking up a bit.

everything is surreal and dark and anxious.