throwing in the towel

i really, really can't. this evening i went on one of the most unsuccessful dates i've ever been through [aside from this one]. it was "friendly", but i made the mistake of trying to be upfront and myself. i'm pretty certain that i came across as a raving loony, primarily because i have so much difficulty expressing myself.

and it's not a language thing.

the afternoon was a bit mental - i horrified myself with the first couple of episodes of the office (i'm not going to watch anymore, it's not enjoyable, it's torture) and then with my lack of guitar skills. i spent a bit of time zoning out to great music, specifically the nonentia - i have factory mouth (he's an old friend). that track just dug deep into my brain and froze everything, it's dark and it's visceral and it feels good. he's just linked me through to his myspace page, well worth a listen if you like dark trance.

i rediscovered that japanika really isn't good sushi, if it was i would've much enjoyed the time i sat sitting at the bar with arabian nights - a selection (penguin popular classics) and a beer.

on a date with an english girl, and hearing the section we were sitting in filling up with random british people was odd.

i went to the israeli line at the smith, and walked in with a few of my previous team-mates. it was a pleasant evening, although my eyes got tired quickly - i think it was the combination of my third beer and all the smoke. the music was quite funky.

i walked home, singing as usual and pondering my predicament. i just can't win. on the other hand, i can't figure out why this girl agreed to come out on a date if she's not really interested to begin with: was i supposed to convince her? that's not how it works.

regardless, i'm feeling like a complete nutcase. i desperately need the holiday coming up.