dramatis personae

i have realized that i make a lot of references to people by nicknames that aren't always easy to recall. so this is kinda my cheat-sheet. this will allow me a little more flexibility, too, because i've decided to rename retroactively. it's a work in progress.

in alphabetical order:

aaa: a french girl highly trained both academically and in acupuncture.

airplane: aka aeroplane. a close friend and artist, we met in a chill-out room where he and hyper-viper were pretending to be aeroplanes to the totally trashed people taking turns on their backs.

anti-1: a trance laywer friend met through dp.

aota: all of the above - secretary, project manager, self-appointed mother figure.

army brat: an audacious jamaican canadian girl from boxing class.

astute: an entrepeneurial friend met through protoplasm and who i shared a shared workspace with.

aspie: a girl with aspergers's i worked with who introduced me to the term.

badger: an expert kickboxer old enough to be my mother; tough as nails and an excellent coach.

bald boss: as opposed to the pointy-haired boss. a different kind of bad manager, much more likeable.

bd: bad date.

the beast: otherwise thought of as super-polite monster-man. a solid fighter with an amazing attitude.

big junior: a physically large, intelligent but inexperienced developer.

biggles: my eldest cousin on my mom's side, k-twang's brother. i only discovered that he was taking piloting lessons after the nickname randomly popped into my head.

biltong bully: an aggressive ex-co-worker who excels at producing biltong and fighting with people to cover for his mistakes.

blues brother: my ex-neighbour, a fantastic hebrew blues singer / songwriter.

bnw: an illustrator who prefers to work without colour.

botchman: a good friend met through scrapper. tends to botch endearingly, both in character and out.

botswana: a man who worked for a while in botswana.

brother bear: a team-mate from my second team in the army.

bt: a bartender / art history major i dated.

the bull: my second section leader.

cam2: the second cameroonian i've ever met and the second that doesn't appear to be cut out for software development.

captain incompetent: a particularly incompetent captain who was my last commanding officer.

cbg: camps bay girl. a girl i met... on the phone.

ceh: crazy-eyed hacker. a friend of megaman's.

chc: capetonian hippie chick, a girl who travels around the world taking advantage of strangers under pretense of being a free spirit.

the chef: a particularly good cook from coffeholic.

the chemist: a gamer friend met through scrapper who studies chemistry and has difficulty dealing with male-female chemistry and the idea of smoking.

cheshire cat lady: a technical writer who makes me think of crazy cat ladies. except she flashes this ultra-creepy grin at inappropriate times. a lot.

click-girl: a girl i met while trying to hitch a ride back from a shut-down trance party.

cls: command line scripter. quiet, pleasant and super-productive.

cm: canadian munchkin, a canadian gamer friend met in the rollerblading group.

co-conspirator: a none-too-bright and very involved student who cannot act alone and so drags others in for credit sharing.

comixer: aka spider, a close friend of the mongoose, master engineer and aspiring comic artist.

crasher: a fellow student from my first degree who was being an ass with us in the car and crashed into a barrier.

csn: crazy sexy neighbour, the girl downstairs when i lived with the kid.

copywriter: a friend from the last part of my first degree who lives in la.

creeper: a fellow developer and ex-pro wrestler, all-round nice guy and surprisingly creepy.

daddy-o: my second team leader, amazing with group dynamics and an excellent guitarist.

darksmile: a friend of csn's.

darn: a play on the surname of megaman's second-in-command.

darko: donny darko, a good friend that i went to school with, caught in a time loop that keeps him a perpetual teenager. introduced me to clubbing, changing my life forever.

dirk diggler: best friends from age 2.5, minus a few years wherein we weren't allowed to see each other.

dod: divan orange dude, an israeli montrealer who introduced himself after a spoken word performance

dp: dredded praise, a play on her name. a friend in high (or low) places, we met on the vortex dancefloor because i'd recognized her from an israeli one.

drone hacker: a close friend of the mongoose, fellow rollerblader and philosophy/tech enthusiast.

dystopia: a fellow member of claws.

eidetic: a gamer friend with an eidetic memory met through scrapper.

egg: i don't remember why i called him that. a co-worker and guitarist (maybe that's why?) i was close friends with for a short period of time.

fcmg: french class myth girl, an illustrator who shares freakishly many common interests with me.

ff: fantastic fit, an illustrator introduced to me by horseman who turned out not to be.

firefighter: a volunteer firefighter who served with nystire.

firstfallen: a fellow member of claws.

fn: gco's foxy niece. or at least i used to think so. tastes subject to change.

footcruncher: a friend met through scrapper, an incredible singer / songwriter / musician, and a gamer.

fp: fresh perspective, a girl full of surprises and surprisingly complementary.

gasoline: a friend from the first part of my service who drinks a lot and is very involved in the tel aviv music scene.

gco: game cafe owner? a friend of krybabie's who used to own an internet cafe that we hung out at in 1997. we met a few times on the spyce dancefloor and reconnected when he moved to israel.

gd: the golden dragon. a girl with dragon tattoos who i met through pulse.

gg: gentle giant, one of the kickboxing "amazonians" who's very sweet even when she's beating the crap out of you.

gn1: girl no. 1, the first of two that i met one night in a club.

godmother: my aunt and godmother.

grootbek: a pathological liar and sometime thief i lived with in a student apartment.

the hardware dude: the hip and alternative fix-it man running the local hardware store.

hcc: hebrew CLAWs chef

hdg: hot-dog girl, an american-israeli friend who i met while she was working a hot-dog shop.

the hobbits: a couple of short, dumpy, none-too-bright secretaries who entered their service as i was completing mine.

horseman: a rapper / poet introduced to me by nocence with a thing for merry-go-round horses.

hrh: "her royal highness", which is how newk'd and aota refer to aota's daughter. who's a really talented composer.

hyper-viper: a close friend and a dangerous photographer to cross, we met in a chill-out room where he and airplane were pretending to be aeroplanes to the totally trashed people taking turns on their backs.

icarus: a colombian friend from work who's into comics and anime and connected me to bnw. he's also become a snow sport buddy.

icg: ice-cream girl, a girl i dated briefly who worked in an ice-cream parlour.

idiot-girl: a girl i served with in the air force whose academic brilliance in the sciences is well-matched by her stubborn incompetence in the humanities.

imperieux: a co-worker who's not only impish but good on the piano too.

ink: a woman covered in tattoos who co-ran the cocktail bar.

an italian wearing a hat: as it says on the tin. a self-proclaimed cultural anthropologist and a terrible lecturer.

j-girl: a girl from jerusalem who served with me. i thought we were dating at one stage, but i guess i was wrong.

jock: a sports-oriented intern, clean cut, friendly and generous.

the jolly moroccan: a moroccan kickboxer with a sunny disposition who's always happy to teach a hard lesson.

karnaf: a childhood friend of a girl i lived with in 2001, he introduced me to the israeli trance scene.

kc: kissing cousin, aka her. my third cousin once removed and first real long-term relationship.

kgb: a guy i met through work who's served in the canadian army and has spent time in israel. and in a russian prison.

kibbutz cousin: my mother's cousin who lives on a kibbutz.

the kinder: a friend, and more natural nemesis, from the air force.

k-twang: a cousin who makes wonderful noises on wood with metal strings.

the kid: a close friend from my first team in the army and a flatmate for a couple of years.

krybabie: we were best friends from middle school until he let me down one too many times.

lake: the first relatively normal relationship of my adult life.

lipgirl: a close friend with her name inked on the inside of her lip. a bass player who i once had a crush on and who always tried to hook me up with her friends.

magist: a dutch friend of spot's who was a machine-gunner.

man-eater: a play on the name of a tall, blonde dutch friend met through dp.

marathon man: my first employer in israel, who picked up running a few years back.

march hare: my shakespeare lecturer / expert and my thesis advisor.

mason: an illustrator who is not an illustrator?

megaman: a director who at first just seemed to do all the right things. but there was something suspicious about him...

metaphor: an improv performer and head of tel aviv's wondering workshop while i participated.

metro: the third comic illustrator, met randomly on the metro.

mmf: mean mother ______. not because he is, but because he really, really looks like it. a friend (for a given definition of the word) from my first degree and my boss for seven months in 2011.

mmm: springer's friend who i deeply regretted hooking up with.

the mongoose: served with nystire, managed the lizard, designed my tattoo, introduced me to the israeli rock scene, and can take most of the credit for my learning hebrew as quickly and as well as i did.

moonflake: a good friend from my first university days. quite a smart one.

moonlighter: a software developer who moonlights as a comic artist and publisher.

mr q: an old CLAWS friend and fellow troublemaker, twenty years later still up for sharing in my (admittedly more mature) shenanigans

mr smear: my son, who began his life with a tendency to smear whatever he was eating all over his face and chest

msg: mr smear's godmother

mti: an illustrator from my muay thai class.

mustwin: vfmp's brother, to whom everything is a game and who isn't satisfied unless he's winning.

my second mum: she was my mother's nanny before she was mine, and handled a lot of the raising me when my parents weren't around.

my tallest: my first team leader, the reference is to invader zim. he used to get really embarrassed when we called him that.

nem: a guy who pretended to be my manager. an incompetent and a liar who sells a good story if you're not paying attention.

nemesis: a friend i served with in the air force who arbitrarily decided that we were to be office nemeses.

newk'd: aota's personal project, arrived with an excellent attitude and no prior experience.

nifty: a manager of mine and comic book illustrator.

nim: no internal monologue, a sweet but decidedly small-minded student who really, really likes to share.

nocence: an illustrator who took immediate interest in my comics. very complicated to talk to, and apparently completely innocent.

nql: not quite leader. officially my team leader in a job i took outside the army, but an absolute amateur and shameful incompetent.

nyah nyah: a friend i served with in the air force, a snack buddy, and part of the nystire/tahoma crew.

on-my-honour: a trance-buddy friend met through dp who i really get along with in spite of all the things she does that fall under my pet-peeves category.

overclocker: a friend from my helpdesk days, obsessed with gaming and overclocking his computers (the two are related). also a brilliant musician.

ozdoc: daughter of a friend of my mother's, who's a doctor from australia.

pbb: potential boxing boss. a decent software developer i met in boxing class.

pointy-haired boss: the section commander whose gross incompetence i suffered under for the majority of my four years in the air force.

the professor: a coffee shop friend who apparently used to teach in tel aviv's english department.

piercer: she did my helix and my tongue after i was released from my military service.

piles: aka mini-me, and private pile (full metal jacket). my replacement when i completed my mandatory service.

pg: the pretty girl who i met rollerblading and agreed to be my wife; and moved to canada with me, then left a few months later.

protoplasm: a close friend from my first university days and a hero from my first nature party.

psychotic american: one of my first flatmates, a messed up kid who idolized ikari gendo and john doe (from se7en). terrifyingly stupid and absolutely resented me with every fibre of his being... either that or he was secretly in love with me.

ptsd: nystire's younger sister, violent and crazy.

pulse: a girl i met online who turned out to be a lot less wonderful than she seemed at first.

resurrection: a nice girl i shouldn't have got involved with.

ric: recently immigrated cousin, my first cousin once-removed who switched track from law to drumming then returned home to combine the two.

rockon: a fellow birthright soldier.

ru55: an ex-south african friend met through SxS.

sagirl: a friend who's an international circus performer, hyperviper's ex-girlfriend

sailor: a south african israeli friend met through protoplasm

sandman: a close friend from my first university days who disappeared after a breakdown.

sasquatch: a fellow developer from saskatoon and who's large, keenly intelligent and ponderous.

s'belle: southern belle; a israeli-russian with army boots and a fake southern accent.

sb: superbabe, a celebrity comedienne i dated for a couple of months.

scr: student from costa rica, a friend, fellow student and co-worker during my first degree and the cto of the company i contracted out to for nine months in 2011 / 2012.

scrapper: from taekwondo through to story telling, this is one tough dude - and a good friend.

singer: a singer / songwriter and schoolteacher i dated for a couple of months.

sj: some jerk, a total creep krybabie and i met at a rave in 1997. hido introduced him to a friend of ours that i was interested in, they dated for years, and he totally messed her up. we kept in touch over the years (parties and such) until he pissed me off by lying to me in order to win an argument.

-someone: aka co-worker. a co-worker that joined my team of one straight out of college and turned me into a de-facto extra-military team leader.

spinnit: a french dance instructor i dated briefly.

spot: aka the dog (to be phased out), one of my first flatmates and a best friend for most of the decade until i realized that our friendship was one-sided and not in my favour.

springer: airplane's ex, a girl who i once went home with so she could introduce me to the wonders of jerry springer.

sq: smoky quartz, a girl i thought was my-kind-of-alternative that i met online and then discovered is just a crazy-kind-of-alternative girl.

ssf: spot's sister's friend. we were friends for a while.

ssso: something something sorter outer (i'll remember eventually). my first real friend after immigrating to israel, she was the coordinator for our university program and generally took care of everyone.

stg: star trek girl, a geek-girl friend from the rollerblading group who began her academic studies with me.

sunshine: a pretty, very friendly waitress.

supertongue: a friend met through scrapper: speaks five languages fluently, talks at least as much as me, and is a loud-and-proud lesbian.

sweetiepie: a girl i met through sagirl.

swordschool: an old CLAWs friend met during orientation week at UCT.

SxS: success, i guess, a close friend from my first degree and employer since i returned to south africa.

ta2: a good friend (or at least, was) and one of tel aviv's top rock dj's.

tahoma: a friend and former team-mate from my first stretch in the air force.

tank girl: a girl i lived with, who looked and behaved like the protagonist of the comics.

tesla: resurrection's much more attractive friend.

tgtbt: a cousin (wp's sister), who's always been too pretty and too smart and too athletic and too caring.

the unprofessional: a particularly argumentative and irrational ex-co-worker who employed rhetoric as a device to offload work on others.

tilt: a traditional yet surprising girl i met online.

toxic avenger: a very competent co-worker who's particularly toxic to work with

tpj: the thinking photo-journalist. an english photographer i met during my service.

uncle hate: my italian uncle who's a giant ass, totally bigoted and the most horrible, mean-spirited person.

uncle puberty: once upon a time (i must've been twelve or so) while the whole family was having lunch, we were sitting at opposite ends of the table when he shouted out "so, totalwaste: how's puberty going?"

urchin: a friend of spot's from his first unit, we're now close friends.

vector: a movie-producing friend of yang's.

vfmp: how many vegan fighters do you know who play magic the gathering?

vision: a very sweet, much younger girl i dated for a while.

vyomanaut: an israeli-indian friend from the air force.

wire: a wiry all-round fighter and the first to hit me with a backfist while sparring.

wordsworth: a fellow student, musician and aspiring poet with a strange attitude towards learning and who loves wordsworth.

wp: a cousin (tgtbt's older brother) who's a serious deal in water polo and spends his life trying to improve the lot of those less fortunate.

wr: white rabbit, aka shakespeare (to be phased out), because that's what his reserve-duty friends call him. but i now talk about the real shakespeare, and wr is completely unreliable and never on time.

yang: to my yin; my no-longer-little canadian cousin whose shares my name and thinks very, very differently from me.

yin: yang's twin sister. why not?

yogi: a friend from the end of my first degree who used to have the universe's most comfortable couches.

ze germans: a group of germans and austrians that immigrated to israel and formed a very tight-knit community. the community includes other immigrants (like brits, irish and south africans), and israelis (usually significant others).