mmmm - pleasant

NOW i remember why it all felt so right yesterday morning - because i'm nocturnal. and when i'm able to sleep in my normal cycle, then i become a morning person.

i read myself to sleep last night, then got woken at midnight by the mongoose. so i went to the lizard. had a bit to drink. then we went to the maimad, which kicked ass. it sure did feel nice to let go - but there were no pretty girls, so i made the mongoose walk around the area with me until i'd ogled enough.

now it's time to read some more - i'm guessing i'll fall asleep again.

the end of an era

*sigh*

i'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing that i, for the first time ever, got to the next stage in gta2. but it was fun!

- back to being brainless -

roll out of bed - earn 15,000,000 pounds!

thanks, synk, for the inspiration:

-----Original Message-----
From: Mr. Liam Johnson [mailto:liam600@tiscali.co.uk]
Sent: Thu 15/09/2005 16:58
To: undisclosed-recipients
Subject: From London.

Hello,

Please accept my sincere apologies if my email does not meet your business
or personal ethics. I introduce myself as Liam a staff in the accounts management
section of a well-known bank here in the United Kingdom.

One of our accounts with holding balance of £15,000,000 (Fifteen Million
British Pounds) has been dormant and last operated, three years ago. From
my investigations and confirmations, the owner of this account, a Foreigner
by name Gerald Stone died on the 4th of January 2002 in a plane crash in
Birmingham here in UK.

Since then, nobody has done anything as regards the claiming of this money,
as he has no family member that has any knowledge as to the existence of
either the account or the funds; Information from the National Immigration
also states that he was single on entry into the UK.

I have confidentially discussed this issue with some of the bank officials
and we have agreed to find a reliable foreign partner to deal with. We therefore
propose to do business with you, standing in as the next of kin of these
funds from the deceased and funds released to you after due processes have
been followed.

This transaction is totally free of risk and troubles as the fund is legitimate
and does not originate from drug, money laundry, terrorism or any other illegal
act.

On your interest, let me hear from you.

Warm Regards,

Liam

RE: From London.
Hello,

I'm so glad you got in touch with me! I was just recently complaining to my wife that without some kind of miracle, we're going to have to take out a second mortgage. And put the kids (two of them, a darling boy aged 12, and our little princess aged 7) up for sale.

Just kidding!

I must admit I was wary at first, but after reading your email through to the end, this seems like a safe bet - it seems too good to be true! I'm certain nobody with your command of the English language would even *consider* getting involved with shady dealings.

The truth is, my father died in a plane crash a relatively short time ago, and one of the things I'm most concerned about is that this man, Gerald Stone - a man who was capable of amassing ENORMOUS wealth (to be honest, I've never even THOUGHT about commanding even a tiny fraction of that amount!) - has nobody to remember him fondly.

So, let's make a deal. If you will send me a photograph of yourself putting flowers on this man's grave, I will be MORE than happy to check into the details of getting all this money sorted out. In fact, my fee would amount to no more than a small percentage. I don't really need that much money, but I would like the satisfaction of knowing this man isn't completely forgotten.

Looking forward to doing business with you!

Your partner,

************

PS. I will be in London for a short time in the next few months - perhaps we can meet up?

i'm wondering if i'll get a photo or two...

this morning - i had that sensation of a cape town morning after a hard party... i don't know why. but it was a good feeling. i slept like a baby, i slept until 3.30pm, and have done nothing more interesting than hang online and tune out anything and everything that taxes my base facilities. in other words, i'm switched off and sitting with a small smile on my face.

i really was hoping to do some serious partying tonight, but the prospects don't look too hot. i can't find a single party listing!

i think i'm going to spend the rest of the afternoon / evening alternating between napping and reading.

crazy shifty thingy. and muffins.

i'm lying about the muffins.

the shift was nuts - we just had call after call after call. i think the panel companies screened the participants with a maximum iq level. on the plus side, i worked 11 hours, so that about covers my cash needs for next week fairly squarely.

i caught some sleep too, so i'm alright - which means i'm off in about half an hour to draw cash to pay my utilities bill...

that about covers the night.

fried.

i woke up at 10.30 this morning with a raging headache. my hangover lasted me until evening. i got to the base at 11.15. my section commander was NOT impressed.

i did some running around, had lunch, and then went to physio. physio consisted of a massage and an electric nap. i then walked to the emg place (the hospital is a small town in it's own right), handed them my referral, got an appointment, and took a bus to work.

i had a looooong conversation with yogi - longer than the ones i have with my mom - which was interesting, and then began the evening having coffee with sammy, mail-checking, and just getting my ass kicked in atomic bomberman. ten minutes to shift - off to smoke!

shining eyes

today began as most army mornings begin for me. except for the bit where i watched cartoons (ok, the 2nd episode of gargoyles) while eating trix and drinking coffee. that was nice.

i got to the base, and for the first time was allowed through the spot check because the girl on duty trusted me when i told her i had everything. and i did. as usual.

ran into my team leader on the way to my office, who gave me interesting instructions, the result of which led me on a merry treasure-hunt through the base. i did a bit of work, laughed at the dog who's now really lost his soldier's id... and had to REQUEST punishment in order to get it replaced.

hee hee.

one last job before leaving the base led me to work with the sexiest girl on the base. sweet too, i can't say i didn't enjoy the experience.

and then it was off to the induction base. to be a techie for the day. the guys i had to work with were helpful, and i spent most of the day installing a win2k server with the most enjoyable deployment tool i've ever worked with (it's hp's, and it's NICE). i got a hell of a lot of reading done.

by the time i got out of there, it was pointless to return to my base, so i headed straight home. i got home at 5.30, and had to be at azrieli center at 6 to be picked up to go to the wedding. talk about a rush. and i was trying desperately not to sweat. it's not polite to be smelly when arriving at a wedding.

hurriedly showered and got dressed, and went out. got into a cab, and suddenly realized that i'd left my phone at home. i JUMPED out the cab, and SPRINTED home (i had ten minutes to get to our rendezvous).

i flagged a taxi, who drove ATROCIOUSLY to stop for me. and then bitched about the person who'd hooted at him, and said it was because it was a woman.
i let him have it. i told him EXACTLY what i thought of his driving, AND his attitude. he kept his mouth shut for the rest of the drive.

i hadn't been called, so i went into the center and bought a card... while writing in the card, i realized i had no idea what the bride's name is. SHIT. instant panic. what does one do in this situation??

so i started calling up friends to get them to check my mail for me. the dog was guarding, sammy was driving. i was standing at the shelter talking to the wolf, when i tried to straddle a post to sit down and fell over backwards. i blame the state i was in. i fell really badly, grazing my elbows and back - but managed to keep talking on the phone the whole time. as the wolf was getting somewhere, i heard my phone beep an incoming call, and hurriedly cut the conversation on the assumption that it was the guys who were coming to pick me up.

it turned out to be sammy. so i called him and told him how inconsiderate he'd been - and i knew he'd only called out of curiosity. whatever, not exactly his fault.

i spent the next few minutes dusting myself off and cleaning blood, and then got picked up. it was an interesting drive to the venue.

the wedding was REALLY nice. the wedding ceremony itself was very short and to the point, which was a bit weird, but i met a lot of really nice (and interesting) people there, the food was awesome, the music was great, and it's the first wedding i've been to in ages that i wasn't in uniform.

way more comfortable.

just before the ceremony, i had this flashback of the first time i saw SB. and i spent the rest of the night with the image of her eyes imprinted on my mind's eye. she has the most beautiful eyes. when we left, i sent her an sms saying so - i hope it's well received, as it was 7am in thailand when she got it :P

one of the guys got horribly drunk (forgivable: on top of the wedding, it's his birthday today), and we had quite a time taking care of him.

i think i upset one of the girls... we got along really well, and i'm not interested in more than friendship...

the ride home was pleasant - a long technical discussion as the driver works in high-tech with assembler and interesting algorithms. by the end, i got offered a job ^_^ (after i'm done with the army, of course)

it's now 3.30am, going to have a shower then go to bed... so i can wake up at 6.30. whoopee! but it's a short day anyway, as i have physio in the afternoon.

final thought from my mommy (source: www.iol.co.za)

---

South Africa's Katrina Volunteers are on the way...

[ South Africa ] After relief groups have successfully ended negotiations with the U.S. about assistance for the victims of Hurricane Katrina, South African spokesperson for the Red Cross, Jacqueline Harvey, has confirmed our countries participation in the relief effort.


It was confirmed that at 9:15am this-morning, 4 plane-loads of volunteers from Soweto left JHB International, bound for the Mississippi to assist with the looting. - Sapa DPA

*STRETCHES* MUCH better.

still annoyed by the whole army experience... i've now got the same complaints and whining going on that every soldier does. amazing how my perspective's changed in such a short while.

i struggled out of bed this morning, but made it to the base on time. i got given menial work today... and i was grateful for it.

SB's coming back in just over a week, and NOW i'm falling for a really cute girl in the prefab next to us. not that it detracts from how i feel about SB, and they do have the same name - but i have this thing in my head that considering how uncertain SB and i are about our being together, that maybe i should be finding myself a buffer.

lunch was AWESOME. our team minus our team leader picked up the mongoose and went off base for a humus lunch. which was EXCELLENT. i surprised myself by finishing the meal, which normally never happens, and we spent about half an hour in hysterics over all sorts of amusing stories.

one of which, i feel MUST be told, was from the mongoose.
he's been taking sleeping pills, really strong ones. so he takes one before bed, and is reading comics to sleep, when a good friend of his sister, a really sexy one (and soon-to-be legal), went into his room and starting flirting with him.

he tried really hard to keep awake, but the pill kicked in around the point where they were discussing her tattoo, which is in a rather personal place, and she was about to show him.

that's all he remembers before everything went black, and when he woke up in the morning she was gone.

we returned to our office, then i went off to the physio. i love busses again, 'cause i've got an amazing book to read... i'm only about halfway through and i've been reading for a week.

my new physiotherapist is an ex-south african, and talking to him was entertaining. not only that, but he definitely knows the right way to hurt me, and by the time he began with electrotherapy i was mashed. pulp-like.

half an hour dozing with electricity buzzing through my tattoo - the only bit that worried me was potentially damaging it. oh - and every now and again it'd get painful.

oh well.

i learned that the most likely cause of my back and neck problems is computer usage, and the advice given was to get up and move around for a couple of minutes for every twenty minutes spent in front of the monitor. not easy to do, but definitely sounds about right.

i was on my way back to base when our systems crashed, so i visited the induction base and got to see the sights from the other side. it was amusing. and it also wasted time.

i got back to base minutes before the end of the day. as i was entering the main gate, my team leader called me to scream at me about visiting our "customers" without clearing it with him first. i told him he didn't have to shout, and we argued over whether or not he'd shouted until i got to his office... and then continued the argument in person.

i went back to my office, checked mail, and called him up angrily when i saw that he'd been misinformed, and had been angry with me when i really was in the clear (one of our "customers" told him i'd promised something that i'd explicitly said was up in the air).

we then had an argument over whether or not i'd shouted at him.

the dog and i went to his gran's place, where we watched tv and had supper, and then i bussed home.

the shower i had was desperately needed, and i'm definitely less smelly. even though the weather's relaxed, it's still blazingly hot by SA standards.

i finally got around to a piece of code that's been worrying me, and ended up with a frightfully elegant solution. i've been very focused on keeping the system clean, and i keep surprising myself when i modify it successfully. we've been developing so long i've forgotten some of the mechanisms, and i used some of the earlier ones to sweep everything up nicely... without getting anything under the carpet.

i've been online and catching up for about an hour now - gonna finish up in a bit and go to bed. no rollerblading for me, but the time was well spent anyway.

two more days to be forgotten

right - on top of a long day in the sun, i've had a bit too much too drink. all's okay... i think...

yesterday:

i arrived on base at 10am. i had a long talk with my commander, and explained that i'm not a normal soldier and i really do need a little consideration when it comes to instructions that leave us stuck on the base until late.

i went to the dba section for a meeting, and they were THRILLED to see me. honest. i'd gone to ask a simple question, and we discovered that our database was so badly designed that it was full of critical errors that needed to be dealt with IMMEDIATELY.

a couple of hours pass...

had lunch with the team, and the rest of the workday got split into lots of flirtation with the girls in the nearby prefabs and arbitrary work assigned every now and then by the team leader.

went off to get my uzzi for guard duty.
the first ceremony took ages, 'cause they've added new sections to the list of obvious things that everyone knows, but has to be told anyway. that killed us.
i got volunteered to lower the flag, which sucks. i still don't have a clue how to do it - the fact that nobody else does either doesn't make me feel any better about it.

prepared for guarding (got my shit together, organized a sleeping bag), and after a mediocre supper joined the rest of the guards for the formal shift start. then i crashed (6pm).

i was woken at 8.30pm by a creepy-crawly sensation. ants, hideously large ones (we're talking mutants here). hundreds of them. that was very unpleasant. i spent the next 1.5 hours milling around and not sleeping, and then went up to guard.

my shift absolutely FLEW by. i read the whole way through, and thoroughly enjoyed every second. amusingly, i was totally busted. first by the guard commander - after catching me reading with a cigarette (two forbidden things), we spent half an hour talking about the few years he spent in south africa. about half an hour later, his second-in-command arrived, examined the book, asked how it was, and left.

i'd received a really odd waterbottle, that looked like something one would expect out of a kiddie's lunchbox. so during the shift - the dog had fallen asleep in the office, and woke up around 11pm - the dog explained to me that it was a waterbottle generally issued to members of his unit. so i found a marker and turned it into "nachlawimon - gotta catch 'em all!". it came out great.

i chilled with the next shift before going to bed, and i slept like a baby.

today:

i was up at 7am for food, and had breakfast (1 boiled egg) playing gta2 in my office. at the closing ceremony, two girls were volunteered to raise the flag, and much silliness ensued as one of them refused. very cute.

instead of getting some more sleep, i was hurriedly sent off to replace girls who were guarding one of the gates - totally not okay for them to guard, apparently. sexist, if you ask me. and it was only an extra 1.5 hours on duty, so why should i complain? or, at least, why should anyone pay attention to me complaining?

i spent the first hour or two with the usual guards... it was cool... until one of the security officers caught me. and took down my details. and sent me off to be court-martialed.

sick fuck.

so i was completely panicked, and had no idea what to do. our section commander managed to get himself locked in a toilet stall for about half an hour, but managed to get out just in time to help me out, and actually stood with me during the proceedings. i was nervous as hell, and was stuttering in hebrew - didn't understand much of what the judge was saying. but it ended alright - so i don't care. i'm just pissed off that i was there at all... the guy who caught me out of my post has been screwing soldiers over left and right since he returned from the disengagement...

and, after the court-martial, i resumed guarding. nice, huh?

i got my head shaved, then went to sleep. DAMN, but i slept well. at 4pm returned my weapon and hurriedly cleaned my waterbottle (scratching marker off is unpleasant) to avoid another court-martial.

i got roped into 4 hours of AMAZING volleyball, and spent some time afterwards coaching one of the guys who's playing with us in the inter-wing tournament.

the dog and i came back to my place, tekkened a bit and took turns showering, then went off to play pool at the lincoln. good pool, too much to drink.

that kid provides me endless, but i mean ENDLESS entertainment. he was about to miss his bus home, so he ran... and his soldier's id card fell out of his pocket. so he missed the bus, and then spent the next while walking up and down the street searching for the card. when he got home, he discovered that he'd also dropped his house keys...

i was going to work, but i'm broken. good night.

a visit to the marabar caves

ok... i did some work in the evening. i then walked to the lincoln, and got at couple of practice games in before the dog showed up. we played some fun pool, but i cut it short when i learned that the dog had arrived without any money... AGAIN.

so we finished our drinks at the bar, and had a serious conversation about our army service. and we both agree that the time has come to just say "fuck it". i don't CARE what our section commander thinks, i'm just going to do my best to get as far away from this work as possible.

we walked to the lizard. THAT was a good party. i left while it was still going strong, but a couple of songs are stuck in my head. the first is from an israeli musical about the political situation, which goes something along the lines of "open your legs, we need you to have palestinian children so that our nation can be strong" (said to a jewish girl about to be raped). heavy song.
the second is hebrew hip-hop about "the party", and generally going crazy.

i had a moment, after quite a bit to drink, where i just zoned out and thought about where i am, who i am, and what i'm doing. disquietingly similiar to my pre-millenium experience. but the bottom line is that i'm going to be okay. i'm going to figure out how to proceed, how to proceed while suffering less than i have been, and i'm going to do it. everything's going to be fine.

i said my goodbyes, walked home, and had an amusing incident in the corner cafe when i went to buy smokes. i've been smoking red gauloises blondes, and the guy there told me i'm the only one who does. considering that i'm buying at least a carton a week, there's no problem :P

and they were most amused by my tattoo. i didn't have enough cash left over, so the dude sponsored me a chocolate bar. nice one ^_^

i'm pretty much off to bed. fighting with my commanders tomorrow will be straining enough without sleep deprivation.

lookout point

not quite makeout point, but anyways...

observation 1:
my body has no idea what it needs. *I* know it needs lots of rest, but it decides to wake up after a mere 4 hours.

so i obliged, and did some gaming. for about 5 hours. i couldn't be arsed to go outside, and i was out of smokes, so...

observation 2:
i eat a LOT when i don't smoke. i actually shocked myself. i actually felt physically good without the cigarettes, but i'm not quite ready to chuck 'em yet ;)

observation 3:
the afternoon nap feels almost as good as the morning one... but not quite. there's just something special about going to bed when the sun rises. although waking up when the sun sets also has something going for it.

observation 4:
i am SERIOUSLY lazy. i'm supposed to be working. and supposed to have worked. not a damn.

*drives off lookout point*

damn south africans

sometimes i HATE being a south african overseas.

i walked (1.5 hours) to the dog's place, and supper was really pleasant. i left his place and walked (another hour or so) to the lizard, where i spent ages sitting and chatting with the mongoose, a friend of his, and his new girl's best friend. i saw the mermaid, things weren't unpleasant - they weren't anything. which was quite a relief.

we then went to the maimad, which was PUMPING. we were enjoying ourselves, everything was cool. at some point i was drinking gin & tonic, and some guy bumped into me. i pushed him off, he LOOKED AT ME IN THE EYES, and then carried on dancing. fine, no problem.

then he bumps into me again, this time crushing the cup into me, getting me soaked. and then laughs and apologizes. i stared down his enormous friend, and proceeded to tell him how much of an asshole he is. the thing that irks me is that i didn't just fscking HIT the bastard, and i really should have. it continues to irk me, but at the end of the day, although i would definitely have felt better, we would have been thrown out of the club, and if things had gotten serious, i would go to military prison.

SWAK.

SWAK, SWAK, SWAK.

so i have to be content with having scared them off. not enough for me, he put me right in the mood to fight.

we left relatively shortly afterwards, because the music suddenly went from awesome to mediocre, and it was 4.30 already. hell, i'm supposed to spend today working.

the mongoose and i got into a heavy conversation in the car, the result of which being that i think i'm going to try to get better "conditions" in the army - i'm suffering to work and serve at the same time, and i really shouldn't be. so i'm looking to serve half-days only. i'm SICK and fscking TIRED of being tired all the time. overworked and underpaid doesn't cover me as much as it should.

have i got cushions pressed against my ears?

the world seems muted. what's the deal with this "sleep" thing? we are weak, that's our problem. i'll bet if our species following the rules of "survival of the fittest", we'd probably be better off.

damn. i was flat out for 9 hours, and my body is no longer capable of anything faster than slow-motion. oh, and trix is THE cereal.

my spine!

actually, my spine's been much better, but since the physio mentioned it, i have noticed that i get pins and needles in my forearms a LOT. kind of creepy, i hope it's not TOO serious :(

the dog and i walked to the balcony, and i got back, slightly tipsy, around 5am (20 minutes ago). the music was great, the vibe improved to the point of "most cool", so in general the night was well, well spent.

only a period of half an hour or so that really, really got to me - some girl walked in, and i KNOW her. i mean, i think we had some kind of date or something, the only problem is i have no idea where / when i know her FROM. it drove me completely insane. i remember speaking to her for a long time, but i don't remember ANY context.

frustrating.

i just played some gta2, and i SUCKED. i guess alcohol and gang missions don't mix too well for me. i gonna have a shower, and crash - we're hoping to go to the red bull vlugtag this afternoon. we came up with an awesome idea for next year - i'm going to build headgear with a trunk and huge ears, paint myself grey, and just run off and jump. that would be amazing.

public transport... yeah...

i don't know how to describe how aweful waking up so early really was.

i got to the central bus station, and met up with one of the girls from the armoury. i realized, after a few arbitrary sentences, that i couldn't actually continue to speak with her without caffeine, so i said goodbye, and got myself coffee and a muffin. and read until the bus came.

long bus to jerusalem, read a lot. rushed to the bus to elazar, spent the next hour trying to rest a bit.

got to the synagogue at 9.30, everyone else came half an hour late. amongst them, my favourite teacher from the programme i came here on in 1996. it was a really, really nice ceremony, and it was great seeing all these people i haven't spoken to in ages. family friends, but friendlies nonetheless.

the food was great.

i got a ride to a bus shelter in efrat, where i read while waiting for the next bus - an hour and a half later. at one point, i got up for a cigarette, and noticed that a spider had had enough time to spin a web between me and the bench, which i ripped completely.

i read all the way to jerusalem. had a quick bite to eat and then got on the bus to tel aviv. read most of the way, standing up, then caught a few z's sitting in the aisle.

arrived in tel aviv around 4pm, and convinced our team leader to let me NOT come back to the base. i bussed home, which took a while, got some clothing, went to the bank, then bussed to the lincoln, where the dog and i played some pool with a friend of his.

i then bussed to work.

work was quite pleasant. sammy and i talked for a while, i finally caught up on my work mail, and then we began. i got calls from those people who need to return their pc's due to incompetence. some of them could barely speak english. and some of the problems were just plain weird. aside from that, the shift was pleasant. i left and bussed straight to the dog's, and we're now off to the balcony for some rock and alcohol. after this week, i *NEED* a strong drink.

and i need to forget that today happened. the bus parts, at least.

g-zuzz.

my body and mind are swimming in confusion.

got to the base, worked a bit until my team leader showed up. i walked into his office, shut the door, and told him we needed to talk. we sort of cleared things up, neither of us was entirely satisfied at the end, but since then things have been more relaxed.

we had a meeting with our DBA's, which lasted a long time - but by the end we actually had an idea of what to do. we then went to the induction base, where we sat in a meeting to discuss the current status of our project.

in the middle, someone mentioned a bug i'd COMPLETELY forgotten to fix - and everyone was staring at me as one of them asked what happened with it. that was embarrassing. i said some shit about it being very strange, and difficult to deal with: afterwards my team leader told me that we weren't to touch it anyway.

go figure.

we then went to another meeting, where we learned that the guys responsible for our servers have no clue what they're doing. great.

we had a great lunch on the way back to our base, i worked for an hour or so, then returned to the induction base for physiotherapy.

i learned that my slipped disc is not in my back, it's at the base of my neck. the physio was describing the danger signals i have to look out for, and they're scary. she was most amused when i took off my shirt and she saw my tat :P
she's also the first person to touch it - i figure it's been enough time - and her testing to find the painful areas was the closest thing to a massage that i've had in ages.
i also got an exercise to do... if nothing else i have a much better idea of my problem.

i returned to the base, and returned to a new problem. our system has suddenly started crashing BADLY. why now? thank you murphy. i spent the rest of the afternoon with the DBA's while they sorted it out, then had to go back to my office at 7pm to work.

fortunately i managed to solve one of our other problems, set yet another problem solution in motion (i hope it worked), and finally left around 21.15. i left broken.

spent a long time bussing back - it SUCKS that my usual bus line ends at 20.00. and finally got home just before 23.00. i tried to find a bug in our university system, but failed, and am now speaking to my mom online. i'll be going to bed immediately afterwards - i have to be up at 5.45 to go to a circumcision... then back to base to continue working... then to work...

saw this on slashdot, it's fantastic: specifically for you, moonflake!

that TEARS it!

i had a sucky day. i think. the important bits, at any rate.

started off getting up early, and getting to the orthopaedist. who screamed at me for about fifteen minutes for not getting treatment. he also mentioned that once i've gotten an EMG - if what the other doctors have said is correct - then my medical profile will drop, and i'll be exempt from service.

i really don't know how i feel about that.

i visited her on her base, and we chatted for quite a while. it was nice.

i got back to the base, to discover that the dog had been playing gta2 instead of working. it could be that it's the jealousy that bothers me, it could also be that if he doesn't finish his job we're all going down for it.

we went out for a good lunch, then returned to a day of random bits of work and lots of quiet time. so i played gta2. because i enjoy it, dammit! it's totally forbidden to run external programs on the army network, and if anyone from the information security team catches you, there's hell to pay.

and they have all sorts of ingenius tools built specifically to ensure that if such a breach occurs, they'll know immediately.

suddenly, the door BURSTS open, and a group of girls strut in with self-importance written all over them, and i panic. my monitor's barely visible from the door, but they're walking around so i turn off the monitor.

thank you gta. i'd been standing near a payphone, and my pc speaker was chiming out the "ring ring", "ring ring" over and over.

oh god.

so i press the keys to close the game.

"ring ring"
"ring ring"

FUCK.

the girls are looking at me, so i make a dismissive gesture and keep my eyes on theirs, with the ringing in the background. they're suspicious.

something else grabs their attention, and i take the opportunity to press the keys again. they don't work. i start pressing all sorts of keys, and suddenly one of them whips around and stares at me. i stop, repeat the dismissive gesture (and realize how absurd that gesture seems). she looks at me quizzically.

"ring ring"
"ring ring"

she looks to her group for support, and i start slamming random keys. the sound stops, i have no idea what i've just done to my pc.

she gives me another strange look, and then: "we need to do an inventory of your room. mind if we look around?"

DAMN. DAMN. all that, for nothing? the guys had noticed, and burst out laughing, and i was white as a sheet and pouring with sweat. i didn't stop shaking for about fifteen minutes afterwards.

then came the shittiest part of the day. our team leader has been really pissy lately, and really petty. i guess it's from the disengagement, and the wanker has personal issues anyway. but now he's just being a right prick. i'm fairly certain it's a case of "jealousy makes you nasty" (he knows our section commander was more satisfied with my leadership), because DAMN he's nasty.

in the afternoon we had a problem that NOT ONE OF US is capable of dealing with. and he gave me shit about it (although i'd been pulling at straws and consulting all the "experts", who were also clueless), and told me to fix it IMMEDIATELY. which is tantamount to "don't leave till it's done"... i actually had to get help from other people, including our section commander, to get him to back off and let me go home.

once the day was over, i played some gta2 in peace and quiet. i've never completed the first level, and still haven't. but i thoroughly enjoy just playing it.

the dog was on alert, so i went and told him the stories. i then bussed through to my boss's place, and read a lot of stone of tears on the way. phenomenal book. i slept a bit too, which i really needed.

i picked up my salary, and had a long talk with him. then i headed home. i was going to work some, but i just can't. i really can't. i feel totally demotivated.

mmmmmmmmmore-ish

there's something unfathomably addictive about the cereal known as trix.

i just finished a couple of hours work - i actually surprised myself with how well i designed the system we're working on. we had to make a major update, and all i had to do was tweak a couple of things here and there for the change to take effect.

i like it.

*munch*

more tekken against the computer. i pwnz0red the playstation. that's just - not - quite satisfying. oh, and my chair finally broke on me. i crashed down with it, and am SERIOUSLY grateful to the powers that be that i didn't screw up my neck any more than it is. that was LUCKY.

*munch*

i think that's it for the day. gonna shower and crash now. like a good little boy.

i just -have- to

"gamer's blood marches through my veins, like giant, radioactive rubber pants. the rubber pants command me! do not ignore my veins!"

i've been bitten hard, and the speed of my metabolysm has insured quick, easy spreading throughout my body, and deep into my core components. the combination of counterstrike and grand theft auto 2 have given me cravings. real cravings.

i was on time for the bus this morning, and -- DAMN! my chair keeps falling apart! -- started on some work. the dog and i made the rounds, work related (with a social element, of course), which included putting out a fire in a trash can (damn smokers! - he says, lighting up), and introducing the dog to a real server farm.

on our way back into the light, our commander saw us. in the middle of the square, surrounded by people who know all of us, he screamed at us for constantly milling around together (the dog is known as my shadow), and explicitly forbade us from doing so in the future. the place was filled with muffled chuckles at our commander's expense.

lunchtime was amusing, as the dog extended his clumsiness and dropped a tray filled with food all over himself. he then came up to me:

the dog: "sir! permission to go home and change uniform, sir!"
me: "no. it's funnier this way"

lunch sucked anyhow, and we spent the afternoon in office working. except for when i was forced to wait for responses, and i played gta2. i'd forgotten just how much i love that game. way cooler than no. 3.

i left for home straight away, and got here about 6.10, *just* in time to meet with the landlord and contractor. turns out i don't HAVE to leave the apartment, but if i want to stay i have to decide soon. if i do, my rent will increase by $60, and i want to explore options of moving closer to the city centre.

i spent the evening talking to friends, performing my internet routine, and playing counterstrike... oh, yes. and watching a couple of episodes of the wonder years. what a GREAT show.

must run - off to buy smokes, then it's worktime. tomorrow morning i have to be up at 5.45 to go to the medical base to get my exemption from patrol duty and carrying all the gear.

oh, yeah - and it turns out we can get the m4a1 sometime in november / december! maybe it'll be like a birthday present...

all skew

yep, that pretty much describes MY day. hurting neck the entire night, agony not allowing me even a few moments of precious, precious sleep. hurting neck on the bus rides to the base, hurting neck starting my morning procedure of hanging around with random people. hurting neck being crapped on by my commander - no wait, i lie - having a surprisingly pleasant conversation with him while deciding what the day ahead would bring. hurting neck while having the disengagement experience described by the boys that actually got to participate. hurting neck while visiting the DBA's, getting assistance for weird problems we've been experiencing. hurting neck during an exceptionally garlicky humus lunch. hurting neck while straining to see my other soldier coming in, and us feeling all guilty that we'd forgotten to invite him. hurting neck getting screamed at for not rushing to the rescue when our systems went down - they DID go down in the middle of lunch, which simply wasn't fair play. hurting neck while working hard, and getting some GTA2 game on. i love that game. hurting neck while missioning around the base, visiting friendlies and generally making ourselves useless. hurting neck while having an amusing conversation at the armoury that went like this:

the dog: can i get the shortened m-16 for my next guard shift? (shortened m-16 is like the m4a1, super cool and way more comfortable)
the girl in the armoury: yeah, sure, whatever.
me: no. no you can't. as your stand-in commander, i do not approve this.
the dog: but she promised! (talking to the girl) you promised!
the girl in the armoury: no, no i didn't.
the dog: you did!
me: speaking of which, i've guarded enough. can *i* take the shortened m-16?
the girl in the armoury: you? you're already on the list. no problem.
me: sweet :)
the dog: what?? NOOOOO!!!! (to the girl) you're kidding, right?
the girl in the armoury: nope. he can. you can't.

hurting neck while poking fun at our section commander who's in charge of the guard shift tonight - can't believe i didn't check for that and sign up for tonight instead. hurting neck while closing up shop, hurting neck on the ride back home with the dog, hurting neck while wiping the floor with him in tekken. hurting neck while watching an episode of the wonder years - good lord, i actually have an episode or two (or three)!! hurting neck while transporting tons of good music (mostly oldies) to his iPod, hurting neck while we read lots of penny arcade (almost caught up: another few strips to go), and hurting neck while having a looooong conversation with my mommy.

i foresee a hurting neck while having a shower, and sleeping. and of course, a hurting neck while playing counterstrike, 'cause it's just got me by the balls again.

MUCH better

either the alcohol has coloured my world shiny, or i'm out of the depressive side of my cycle, but either way - things are good.

i sadly left the kibbutz around 6pm. some guy was nice enough to give me a ride to the bus station, and i managed to get a seat even though it was PACKED. i'm only excited about this because my neck has been putting me through hell.

the ride was kind of okay. i read a bit - it amazes me how much terry goodkind does well in all the things that have pissed me off about all the other sci-fi / fantasy authors lately. most of the ride the lights were off, though, so i made do with constant sms'ing on a dead battery, and just blankly staring.

i got to herzeliya, drew some cash, and the ru55 picked me up and we went to our friend in pituach's place. i changed into civvies, and chilled and talked which i needed - these are some of the friends i've been whining about not being able to see.

i then met up with another friend, and we went for drinks in a really great bar, and had a really good chat. another one i've needed. i suppose it comes down to people in real life who understand me a little bit.

i went to the birthday party - but got there first, and had to leave just before everyone arrived so i could get the last bus. the music was styling, so that kinda sucked. but at least i saw the guy.

i made my way to the lizard - that took a little bit of walking, but whatever - and the party there ROCKED. fine girls, good music, and the mongoose and i talked loads while eyeballing anything with breasts that moved. t'was nice.

also - i got my invader zim action figure! w00t!! i feel like a little kid, but it's SO cool. it has spider legs and the floating moose head and everything! i'd take it out now, but it's something that needs me to be calm and collected. i don't want to break anything in my excitement :P

so i'm back home, still sore, but in a good mood nonetheless. doing the internet routine, then crashing. so i can wake up at 6.30 - yay!

revenge of the jelly sandwich

*shakes fist*
DAMN YOU, SLIPPED DISC, DAMN YOU!!

before falling asleep, i spent a couple of hours going through the comments on my blog. the commenting system's not so great, but the comments were highly enjoyable.

i actually slept well last night - about 9 hours of mindless quiet, and spent the morning in front of the tv, or reading and commenting on moonflake's blog.

i decided to crash after lunch, and have just woken up. completely spasming, because i've ruined all the muscles in my neck and shoulders. and tonight, i'm making an appearance at a couple of parties... the horror, the horror.

as usual, though, i don't really feel like leaving the kibbutz. it's the unavoidable attraction of nothingness - and soon i'm going to have to start preparing to leave, and get into uniform...

extended nap time

i got up around 12, had breakfast and coffee, and learned that i'm not the only fan of the wonder years tv series - excellent!!

i got packed and took a bus to the train station, the train to the bus station, and then the bus to the bus station (so i could take the last bus). it was a long trip, so i started reading terry goodkind - stone of tears. much, much better in paper form.

i got to the kibbutz, talked a lot with the family, and watched some mindless tv. supper was really good, the after-dinner chat session was a bit awkward. good chocolate, though.

i caught a really interesting history of the star wars original trilogy on vh1, which was entertaining in and of itself. and am now going to bed. it's been SUCH a hard day ;)

a long, long 22.5 hours

and weird, too. really weird.

the first thing we saw on base was a soldier from our prefab spraying himself with deodorant... no, wait - bug spray. smelled like death for the rest of the morning.

i finished the comic that chronicles the story of our fish, and another one that describes the lunch of steel we consumed in the mess hall today. my teeth hurt in memory.

i forgot to do a hell of a lot of things on my "to do" list today. that was crap.

strange moment while working. i was absorbed in something, and i vaguely heard the dog say "i really like toothpaste"... to which i, without paying even the slightest bit of attention, responded "yeah, me too". i guess as soon as i can develop a system for exporting my "comics" (they're really badly drawn), i'll post them here.

we played volleyball once the dog left for the weekend. at the beginning, there was a girl on our team who i'm on the bus with each morning. i accidentally hit the ball straight into her face, and she walked off the court with a mouth full of blood. i still feel really bad about that.

my commander joined the game, and we played hard. in searing heat. i ended up soaked with sweat, my tattoo aching, and my face burned.
brilliant.

i went straight from the base to work, where we began almost immediately. i caught up on tons of internet stuff, spoke to my mom, played internet pictionary (my drawings disturb me somewhat), listened to bouncy trance, and dealt with one too many helpdesk troublemakers.

thank you, oh god of caffeine.

oh, and i had a revelation during the shift - i know the ghostbusters' phone number! w00t!

i got a taxi home, and just arrived... waiting for a shower (maybe i'll be intercepted by counterstrike), and then it's a bit of sleep before flying off to the kibbutz for the weekend.

what sucks ASS is that it's serious swimming weather, and i still can't be in direct sunlight, or soak in water... another 2 weeks of this.

oh, yeah. and my spine is KILLING me. damn slipped disc.

an extra-special day

well, it started rather badly. i woke up after a long dream about my alarm going off, to find out that it was 8am already.

BUGGRIT.

i made it out in what i thought was time for the bus, but was miserably, horribly wrong. and i waited half an hour at the bus shelter.

i got to the base at 9am. saw our team leader for a few seconds, and got down to some work-type things. it took HOURS for my damned eyes to open. i did enjoy being back on base - only thing i hated was being in uniform. BOILING.

we had a meeting, where i've been informed that i'm to retain command, albeit shared command, for the next while.

i had lunch with the mongoose, and we talked a lot while fending off this really creepy guy who doesn't do hints too well. the mongoose agreed with me about doing a penny arcade-style army comic, so when i eventually got back to my office, i got to work on that - it came out rather well! despite lacking artistic ability!

the dog arrived on base around the same time we got back, and we passed through the DBA section for some assistance. and got told to come back sunday. nice.

we spent the afternoon working, and our commander kept popping in to nose around. we couldn't figure that out, and decided he was scoping the new office out before moving in.
we were mistaken. we went to visit him, and discovered that he'd converted our old office into something really nice - worthy of a high-ranking commander. i'm impressed.

had a slap-dash supper, then i came home. and promptly crashed. i was woken up around 22.30 to work, and we found that i made some horrible errors (while coding blind, mind you), so we worked on it till about 1am. i hate this job. at least i'm getting a weekend - the woman i'm working with can't continue until sunday, so there's nothing *I* can do. so i don't care.

love my new attitude.

i got an email from SB, more with the mixed messages. i can't figure out where i stand, at ALL.

also - moonflake!! how the hell do i add links to this page???

i guess i'm gonna go back to bed soon.

my feet!

why do they hurt! i haven't felt so much relief removing blades in AGES. more than four hours on them, and my legs and feet are really in pain.

i thoroughly enjoyed myself though. spent a long time catching up with an old friend, and chatting to a captain who's stationed in the same prefab as us - she was kind enough to give me a ride home, too, which certainly helped.

gonna shave, shower, and crash - and then i'm sure it'll be a struggle to get into uniform all bright and fucking early in the morning.

and then i DID work

a lot. with many episodes of that 70's show in the background. i made some interesting discoveries, and hit various snags, but by 8pm it was all over. the university's video library is almost complete, and all the MAJOR bugs are out.

and my apartment is all shiny again.

i spoke to my other soldier, who's off sick, just to make sure he and his sister (suffering from appendicitus) are okay. ended up giving relationship advice (hee hee), and receiving an offer to date his sisters (aged 22 and 23). neat :)

i'm at the dog's, stopped off for coffee and grandma is FORCING me to eat dinner too (oh, no!), and i've been updated about the things i've missed in the army the last few days. tomorrow will most assuredly be interesting. and i'm going to have to shave off my muttonchops, which sucks piles.

in a bit going off to blade, and i'm actually quite amped.

time passes...

i haven't actually done any work yet... i'm finishing cleaning my apartment first. i've actually gotten around to it.

WOW. s'been a while.

i shaved today. not completely - i have a wossname - muttonchops. looks sharp and shiny. pity nobody will see it. i discovered a particularly nasty ingrown hair along the way, and spent about fifteen minutes surgically removing it with a needle and tweezers. i actually got down to that nasty gore level, painfully ripping soft tissue before finally getting the damn thing.

and the most disappointing part is that it was so damn TINY. like 5mm across.
FUCKER.

wow. that's, like, the deepest post yet. speaking of deep, i've been thinking of getting together with the mongoose and doing a comic that chronicles our lives in the army.

better morning

sometimes being manic depressive is good. played cs to sleep this morning, and sleep well (for a change). i've been arbing online for an hour or two, some more cs (an AWESOME, small, kill-everything-that-moves map), and am now gearing up to clean up my apartment and do some more work.

our commander's back, the dog called me up so we could have a laugh at his expense. i think i did okay at my job ^_^

woooooo! :)

did some work earlier, found out JUST how bad the previous programmer is. when i told my boss what he'd done, we both laughed hysterically for a while. unfortunately, he's done something REALLY weird with a piece i have to correct, and i can't for the life of me figure out how.

so i'll figure it out in the morning.

i met up with the dog to play pool (some taekwondo practice while waiting for the bus didn't hurt, neither), and had too much to drink. only half a litre, but i think it's more my state of mind than the alcohol level. and the girls, as usual, were simply stunning.

i played REALLY well, the dog played like shit, so he spent a large part of the evening walking around the table with his pants around his ankles. t'was amusing.

he then stuck me with the bill at the end, the evil c*nt, so he's gonna have to pay me back on wednesday. he NEVER brings enough cash.

i just got back home, and now i have to go out again to buy water. and i'm TOASTED.

shaky, shaky but in a good way this time

amazing how good an incentive a couple of thousand shekels can be - i finally got around to making the fixes on our video library project, and it didn't take too long. man, the guy who's code i'm correcting sucked the BIG one.

i woke up fairly late, i'm attributing my early morning distress to a sudden bout of inner-quiet. too quiet, kind of. i've just switched into a mode of "don't care".

i did some shopping. jesus, was it hot outside. but i only had to pay 6 shekels for 120 sheks' worth of goods. my kitchen almost looks like there's something to eat.

now that i'm done, gonna stand on the balcony and watch the beautiful sunset with a smoke in my mouth, and black sabbath on the tv.

----

or not. more work just came in.

3.50am

and i can't sleep. i have this terrible feeling that all is not well, and everything is ultra-quiet. fscking scary. and that i can't sleep is driving me crazy in and of itself.

more evening

firstly, limewire stinks. i've been downloading a file for days, now it's been jumping back and forth between 97 and 99%. when it finally downloaded the damn thing, i then restarted download from about 96%. now it's jumping back and forth again.
UUUURGH.

i've spent the entire evening online, chatting, and discovering the pinkybrain has the same problem i do relationship-wise. *suffers*

and penny arcade's site is experiencing technical difficulty, and so i can't continue reading through their archives. inconsiderate bastards. i find it amusing that i agree with so many of their cartoons.

oh, and i went to draw money to buy smokes. walked with my shirt off (it IS horribly summery), and drew some funny looks. whatever.

and i've been seriously feeling my slipped disc today.

and my beard has reached phase: itchy. kills me, and i'm going to have to shave it off on wednesday ANYWAY, but i still like it. my commander made a comment about it not suiting me this afternoon, so i asked him in front of everyone if he wants to sleep with me. he left me alone about it after that.

still waiting for the download. ah sod it, i'm just gonna pause it and play counterstrike instead.

a testimony...

to my state of mind that i didn't even blog yesterday. i was woken up to work, and fell asleep with the testing still going on. watched movies, played tekken, and took a break for counterstrike, but none of that could take my mind off my current situation. suckuation, more like.

i woke up by multiple alarms and phone calls this morning, and then went off to our base to say goodbye to one of the few people i really like there. i prepared a speech on the way - t'was a good speech, but there were so many people i got stage-fright and actually shook while speaking.
weird.

i had a long talk with our section commander, explained to him how i'm feeling. he was surprisingly understanding. he also made a comment about me as a commander, and that he noticed that not only did i do a good job, but that i enjoyed it too. maybe that'll help somehow.

i then had a fight with an idiot in our section when he tried to override a command i gave to my soldiers. he had the audacity to say things like "don't try to teach me about the army", and the gall to assume things about me personally. almost drove me to physically injuring the suckwad, but then our commander jumped in and gave him hell for even thinking about arguing with me.
i must admit, it sucked that he jumped in, but his response was quite satisfying. the moron ended up humiliated.

of course, i acted all cool, and treated him kindly afterwards. even though i don't give two shits about the creep.

spent the rest of the afternoon talking to people on base, then went with the mongoose and a friend of his to a comic convention - it sucked. badly.

i just had a toasted-sandwich supper, leaving me flat outta cash, got home, and am not entirely sure how to proceed with my evening. on the one hand, my boss gave me hell to finish a project today, on the other, i really can't be arsed and feel like fucking around then going to bed.

better? dunno.

today was a long-ass day. internet arbing, some shopping, some gaming, backuping up onto dvd (finally, although not all of it), and watching flash gordon while working.

finally worked.

got a mail around 9pm, advising me of changes to the system. surprising. worked until about 10.30pm, now going to game and arb some more before bed. testing starts early tomorrow morning. i'm praying i won't have to be alert.

oh, and SB got in touch with me. turned out the mail i sent her was to the wrong address (whoops, my bad), but also that she can't check mail anyways.

as for how i've been feeling, it's still there, but what can i do? suffer. at least it's not in silence. even if nobody cares TOO much. *whine*

*pissed*

i'm going to repeat what i said earlier, because now that i've had it thrown in my face i'm seriously, but SERIOUSLY on the warpath.

fucking kids. fucking - KIDS. what a sucky, sucky night.
i'm left with a bad taste in my mouth, and all i want to do right now is beat the crap out of someone / something because i HATE the situation i'm in.

in cape town, i had groups of friends to which i belonged. in israel, i have a few friends who fit the bill - right mentality, right level of maturity - but the army and life in general have separated us enough that we practically never see each other.

the friends that i do have in the army, including the dog, are too low down on the food chain to be interesting to me - young, inexperienced, and not from my "population". the differences in culture are too great.

so i find this girl, who decides that i don't fit her bill because i'm right now doing something, out of my control, that she doesn't agree with. and even if it was within my control - so what? everything else is so close it doesn't matter.

and it drives me mad that aside from the fact that i'm totally taken with her, she's my only link to the world that i live in inside my head. the world that i "grew up" in, the world that since i came here has existed only within my memories.

hido knows what i'm talking about, but hido is currently millions of miles away, stuck in the same situation, and there's little chance of us managing to correct that - either way.

i'm angry enough that i'm actually wondering about going back to south africa. JUST so i can stop being so very, very alone.

it's not that there are no people here that i like, and like me. there're plenty. but i don't feel myself. i feel restrained. and i certainly don't feel like i fit in.

catch 22: i KNOW that this is where i want to live. i KNOW that if i go back, there's nothing there for me. i KNOW that this is home, that this is where i'll become whatever i choose to become.

for the last couple of weeks i haven't been alone. i've existed outside my perpetual state of "stranger in a strange land". and now that SB's not here, if only for a month, or if she decides to break it off with me, i'm back behind a glass door which i don't want to break. it would cost me a part of myself to break it, and i'm just not willing to sacrifice.

i'll carry on. i'll keep trucking, because that's what i need to do. but this environment is pushing me to the edge of madness. and i definitely wasn't too far to begin with.

an out-there kind of day

i spent the afternoon walking around tel aviv with the relatives from london, doing some basic sight-seeing and having a great lunch. i don't really know them too well, and sometimes i got the feeling that things were a bit strained, but in general it was all good.

aside: it was fscking hot.

i got home, played counterstrike while waiting for a meeting.

the guy came, and we've just finished after about 2.5 hours. we had lots of details to discuss, but we came to some conclusions. basically if this thing takes off, it'll be my primary job after the army. if it doesn't, i'll have learned a hell of a lot. and i made it perfectly clear that until it's off the ground, it's a project done in my spare time.

i'm also hoping he'll organize me a development machine, 'cause i don't want to do it on a desktop pc.

and we're doing it from the ground up professionally, which is really nice.

i'm about to spend an hour either working or resting, then i'm off to the lizard for a party for THE elite computer unit... some very nice girls in that unit...

speaking of which - SB. she hasn't been in touch since yesterday, and that's after she asked me to do her a favour here. strange. and i'm seriously bothered because i don't know if we exist or not. i'm going to try not to let it get to me. but i'm still going to be comparing every girl i meet to her, and i find it hard to imagine finding someone comparable anytime soon.

yeah, i know i seem to be exaggerating, but take tonight for example. girls in the army. already a serious loss of points, because they're not in a stage of their lives where they've defined themselves as human beings.
and i don't have any way / cause to be hanging around in the places where the girls i'm looking for do.
and all my friends who are of the right age don't go out very much. i'm in a very frustrating place right now.

"i've had better" (liar, liar)

i lied. i really did. i spent the entire afternoon / evening messing about online.

included: installing the jdk and learning about network games; getting in touch with all sorts of people; catching up on some reading (online comics); and a few hours of counterstrike.

with a break in the middle, somewhere, to get myself a toasted sandwich.

i got in touch with some family down from london, i'll be meeting them in tel aviv tomorrow.

i got kicked from a counterstrike server for being better than them. i'd say french bastards, but the next server i found was also french, and that one just kicked ASS. i told them what happened, and after a few rounds they were laughing with me as i did some serious damage to them too. it was fun, though, and challenging.

i got google IM back up and running, and have started organizing my music collection. oh, yeah... i watched devil's advocate. i love that film.

hot summer's day - from hell

whew. woke up around 9.45, found out that the dog STILL hadn't arrived on base. that really pissed me off, enough to request a severe punishment for him. denied, but he's been heavily warned, and one more slip-up and he's in deep shit. it pissed me off this much because i've spoken to him multiple times about it, and he's not taking me seriously. and he had the audacity to ask me to postpone the punishment i DID give him because it would inconvenience him.

so i got to the base, in uniform on my holiday, for a long ceremony to say goodbye to the head of our wing, and to welcome the new one.

saw lots of people on base, got a bit of organizing done, and had a couple of chats with our section head. our team leader was around to - was good to see him.

i got home around 4, and i've been online talking to friends and family, and arbing online. i'll start working soon. really.

sweating like a pig

i'm really gross right now - trying to cool down so i can take a shower. i just got back from 3.5 hours of hard blading, and it was GOOOOOD exercise.

this morning i got to the base, and dove into some serious work. i crashed for an hour, then was informed by my commander that i could take a half-day off in anticipation of my previously mentioned holiday.

i was so messed up, i stayed another two hours on base just to sleep enough to be able to get home. and BOY did i sleep well.

i was reminded of a scary incident that occurred in '98, just before my finals.

-- STORY BEGINS--

i had a lucid dream one night, and at some point in the dream i was given the choice of being shot or jumping off the seventh floor balcony. normally, people wake up before landing, and it's been said that if you die in your dream, you die in real life.

i landed on my head (having dived off), and felt incredible pain and heard a loud crack before everything went dark, and i lost sense of time.

suddenly, i found myself in front of a huge screen, with dates and times flashing by in green on black. i realized in my "dream" that these were dates of importance in my life, and eventually i pointed at one. i immediately woke up, it being the exact date and time that i'd picked. also, my arms were completely numb from the shoulders down, which, considering the dream, made me panic.

i flopped around until my arms got insane pins-and-needles, and eventually went back to normal.

to this day, i still don't know how much of that experience was real.

-- STORY ENDS --

on my way to the bus, every person i know who saw me commented on how wasted i looked, and the bus ride seemed to take forever. by the time i got home, however, i was alright, and i immediately immersed myself in work (okay, a little messing around first, and talking to my mom online about my tattoo), and accomplished rather a lot.

around 6pm sammy and the dog came over, and we played some serious tekken. we ordered chinese... which didn't come with chopsticks... and watched funny people. some of those sketches are hysterical. and we watched the whole thing - turns out i missed the cake factory sketch, which is undoubtedly the best part.

we played some more tekken, then sammy gave me a ride so i could join the blading group. and i just got home about 20 minutes ago, exhausted, smelly, and hurting.

almost ready to shower, then bedtime for me.

woozy and wombly, and going to bed

the dog and i talked business (gaming, very serious) for a while, then i walked to SB's. had a shower, and we fell asleep discussing the reasons why we're not going to be seeing each other any more. and man, do they ever suck. what-fucking-ever. i can't be bothered to try any more, but it doesn't make things any easier.

at least i had what i had, no regrets. i feel better as a person, at any rate, and that's a lot.

being on base out of uniform was really weird, but pleasant. much cooler than uniform. we spent the day working really hard. lunch break: severe disappointment. good food, but we went to a place specifically because they have damn good humus, and they were all out. that totally threw us off.

i came almost straight home (stopping by the mall for a few minutes to browse and get some ice-cream... okay, and stare down policewomen), feeling like the rock in walking tall (something about being in civvies and carrying a fighter's kitbag).

played some tekken, did laundry, and arbed online. showered and watched romeo must die, which was a fun movie. now going to bed.

noticeably, no mention of working. not even a little. and the whole thing about me being on holiday? postponed until wednesday. maybe tomorrow if i'm lucky. i need some time to focus, and get my head together. and i need to finish this damn job, 'cause i feel the paycheck getting further and further every day.

a SUPERB weekend

starting wednesday...

it was hard being in uniform again. especially with an icky tattoo.

i got to the base, met some of her coursemates, which was amusing.

i had to take an hour or two off to go home and get my phone. that was embarrassing.

we worked a lot during the day, then went off to the lincoln for some pool. i went past the tattoo parlour, and finally got shown how to take care of mine. a bit late - i've already damaged the colouring, and i'll have to get it redone. and i received a nasty reprisal for my incompetence.

i went off to SB's, had a shower, coffee, and an upsetting conversation. she gave me a ride home, and i played a session of tekken. i seem to be too good for the computer, which is worrying.

thursday:

we had loads of work to do, interrupted by a power outage which i took advantage of to go and buy wet-wipes. DAMN good investment, those. i crashed for a while, totally broken, and then ran around trying desperately to get short-notice vacation permission.

got my weapon, bought out the on-base store with the dog, ate the crap they provided in the mess hall (didn't die), and then the guarding weekend began. i started by taking charge of the new kids - which was hell of an amusing, and then went off with the dog to smoke nargila (rediculous amounts) while watching jackie brown. i'd forgotten it completely.

the dog continued a long string of clumsiness by tipping over the smoked water on our way to our shift. very embarrassing.

the first shift was actually painful,

friday, saturday

but after that the weekend became totally enjoyable. the group we guarded with was awesome, even the course girls (and some were totally cute and very flirtatious), and we spent the weekend fooling around and generally having fun. even the guard duty was a pleasure. and the commander was friendly and let us get away with murder.

i smoked too much. seriously. a carton in three days. that's fscked up.

today's guard duty went seriously slowly, but i passed the time talking to anything that moved. chilled the afternoon, then went off to be released. at 4pm. by 5pm we were finally out of there, after much argueing with the next shift's commander, and the guys responsible for security.

had a quick discussion with our commander, then ran off to the dog's to have a quick shower and fark off to the lincoln for the tournament. i won the first round 5-1, then lost the second 5-0. all good games, except the last one, where i RUINED a beautiful run by knocking the balls with my cue.

SWAK.

anyway, i'm off to the dog's in a bit, then to SB's.

summary:

SB was right about me not having a problem finding girls. problem is with me finding WOMEN, though.

SB has been saying how we're not going to be together, but the further along the weekend's progessed, the more she seems to want us to work. it's driving me insane. and she's leaving tomorrow for a month. i dunno what to do.

i seriously enjoy the solidery bits of being in the army, and have started to receive respect as someone who really should have been a fighter. but that doesn't change my job, and that's harsh for me. also, i need a damn holiday - i have way too much work to do this week.

gettin' ready for the ahhh-meeee

once again, i'll have to get in uniform in the morning. and with my tattoo not yet healed, i am SO not looking forward to it.

i watched a bit of funny people while working today (which i actually got a lot of in, for a change), and then SB came over and we watched national treasure. cool movie, and it was a rented DVD that ran first time!

sweet.

harsh was having this gorgeous girl, who i've now fallen for in every way, on my bed with me, talking about how neither of us want to stop seeing each other.

i can't figure out if god hates me, or loves me, or just isn't paying attention. maybe she's right. maybe i will find another suitable girl, who'll be suitable enough to be with me for a prolonged period of time.

but when? a year from now? two years? i think i may weep openly.
at least light up another cigarette.

quick net routine, a shower, and bed.

(godsmack) i - stand alone

up early, around 6.45, back home, watched we were soldiers again, then went for a meeting about the hospital project.

actually got somewhere. t'was nice. funny side note: the woman i'm working with informed me that she's pregnant (and i know she has a kid), and my automatic reaction was "another one?!"
most amusing.

went home, did a little definitions work, then went to the lincoln, and met up with my soldiers for some pool. we then went to eat at zinc (i had the buffalo wings again, REALLY good), and then made our way home. arguing about small money, because the dog was trying to complicate things. it doesn't cease to amaze me... until he started arguing about it, i didn't care that i'd paid more than my share - now he's irritated me enough with it that i will make him pay me back.

i got home, worked a little, messed around a LOT. including too much tekken for my own good. and i'm sure that playing against the computer, even at hard level, isn't doing anything for me.

kind of working at the moment (obviously), and i don't know what the evening will bring.

as for SB, too many similarities between her and my first girlfriend here (lake)'s attitudes are bothering me. lake and i stopped seeing each other because i wasn't serious enough for her, and then proceeded to date a complete bastard, who not only didn't do anything positive for her, but in the end did some serious emotional damage. i can't handle seeing that again.

and it's not like she doesn't want to be with me. i just don't get it.

*frustrated*

oh, and my tattoo's gone all bright and shiny. i'm not sure if this is a good thing or not. i discovered today that my commander fucked me more than i realized, because i'm guarding this weekend. thank the lord i organized to guard with the dog, or i wouldn't have ANYONE to help me out tattoo-wise.

and DAMMIT, i can't work this weekend. BUGGER.

eenteresting day, not all good, not all bad

i woke up late this morning - i've been sleeping a lot lately. i've obviously needed it.

i spent the day farting around, doing a bit of work, playing tekken, and worrying over my back. i did some shopping too, and paid the electricity bill. which involved a horrifying queue experience, and it was apparently the hottest day this year. which i can believe.

i also played counterstrike with sammy, which was most entertaining. it's the first time i've known someone on my team :P

around 5pm or so yogi came over, and we had a long discussion about vr technology and his statistics program which we did for his project last year. we came up with a good design, now we have about half a year in which to develop it to the point where it can be tested in realtime. looks promising, hopefully there'll be lots of cash to be made.

he gave me a ride into tel aviv proper, and i walked to SB's place. we had a serious talk, and have reluctantly decided to call it quits. which sucks badly, but wasn't unanticipated. and it's for purely rational reasons, which makes it worse - we both still want to be together.

why? why does this happen to me? how am i going to find another someone like her? when? i feel really lost sometimes... and then god gives me a taste of something sweet, and takes it away again.
okay, i'm exaggerating a little, but it kills me that i can find another girl without any problem, just not the girl i'm looking for. and i anticipate disappointment, which kind of kills everything i start.

and i have no way of hanging in the right circles.

why?!?!?! WHY?????

SB made me supper, and then the dog and i went to see charlie and the chocolate factory. not a perfect movie, but perfectly delightful! i *DID* enjoy it.

i'm crashing at the dog's, now about to shower, clean and go to sleep. tomorrow will be a slightly more serious day.

long hard road, out of hell

i'm still freaked out about the damage i've done to my tat, but there's not a hell of a lot i can do about it. i've learned an important lesson though.

the dog and i went to play some pool, and i pwned him completely and utterly. i then bussed back home, and had a shower, and cleaned again (although as i said, damage done), and am now just doing some basic online "regulars" before working a bit.

i'm still in shock over my realization today. absolutely mind-blown that i've been tricking myself all this time. as far as SB is concerned, i don't know what'll happen, but i hope that my regained mental acuity will be enough to keep us going. if not, though, at least i'll be ready for the next relationship. this girl has done me nothing but good.

right, thumb-out-of-bum time.

sheer frustration

fscking PRAYING, i'm sure i just damaged it. really sure now, some of the scabbing came off, and there're spots of blood.

DAMMIT!

i'm SO irritated now. and SO worried about how it'll come out eventually. i'm pleading with god that it won't be so damaged that a touch-up will be impossible.

*cry* *whimper* *sob*

last night i went out to eat something, and discovered after a mile walk that EVERYTHING was closed. i'd forgotten it's a day of national mourning, and was desperately hungry.

i then tried to take a bus to SB's, but they just weren't coming... same reason. i luckily managed to call a cabbie who was on his way home - i came very close to having to walk an hour or two when it was already late enough at night that i'd disturb here... and she wasn't feeling well, which was the primary reason for going there.

details of the night being irrelevant (and very boring), we woke up very late this morning, and spent the remainder and early afternoon chilling and talking. a lot. we were discussing the future, and kids, and all sorts of related things, and it got me thinking later on in the day (when i had a chance).

i walked to the tattoo parlour, where the guy reassured me that my tattoo was behaving normally. i then went to the dog's place, and had nothing to do but think for two hours until he arrived. and i arrived at some conclusions.

1) i am, mentally and emotionally, ready and willing to settle down and raise kids.

2) my reasons up until now for not being ready are a load of crap.

2 is the problem. i came up with this "game plan" five years ago, of getting a degree, doing my army service, and then going abroad for a year or two to get experience with something i can bring back. because of this, i haven't really been thinking much of my future plans (how i'll achieve this dream of being involved in getting us off the planet) during the first phases (i'm now in army phase).

and there is absolutely no justification for that. there's no reason why i can't now be on my way to doing something purposeful. and there's no reason i need to go anywhere else to do it. it's all just avoidance.

now that i've realized this, i need to find my way again, but more directly this time. i'm not worried about money, because i already have what i need to find some (relatively) boring job and survive. what i am worried about is how i'm going to get involved, and get started on something big and meaningful.

as for what this means between me and SB, i can't say. i'd really love to continue with her, but i'm not sure it'll work out. i think i think that because of her attitude more than mine, because i haven't been with someone this right for me EVER.

in every sense.

quiet day inside

that's my tattoo pre-icky phase. it's looks so gross, and i PRAYING that it's not getting ruined *sob*

i slept the whole morning away, around 2pm SB came over, and we chilled and talked for a few hours before she left for some housewarming or something. she said some things about me that really caught my attention, and have gotten me thinking about how i've been behaving the last few years. and she's right. i've had way less confidence than i should have.

i've done some work, and just started talking to some friends online. i went off to buy smokes without a shirt, and some guy there was horrified when he saw the state my tat is in - i don't think he'll be getting one done soon...

panic!!! no wait... no, no - PANIC!!!

okay, work last night was sucky. the tattoo healing is uncomfortable to sit with, and contributed to an unpleasant fight with the manager on duty. bastard started bringing up things from years ago when he crapped me out, so that kinda pissed me off.

afterwards sammy and i went off to play pool at the lincoln. the waitress i'd hit on a week or two ago was most amused when she saw my tat, and i was most impressed at how well i played in spite of constant paranoia about people standing behind me, and constantly having to readjust my shirt.

he gave me a ride home afterwards, and we played tekken for an hour or so - t'was fun! SB wasn't up for doing anything, so i crashed after sammy left and slept like a bomb. i got up around 11am, got the right cream, worked on my tat and then went off to SB's. getting horribly lost on the way.
and having ink solidify and my shirt stuck to my back - scary. and uncomfortable.
her sister-in-law picked us up, and dropped me off at her parents' place. smelling of dog - SB's dogs got to go too... and they really like me...

i helped out a bit with the preparations, then crashed. i haven't slept that well in SOOOOOOO long, i dreamed amazing dreams and was super comfortable. dinner was really nice, quite fun, and the food was incredible.

i've been back at home about an hour, now going to bed to prepare for tomorrow. much work to do.

i am SO chuffed with my tattoo - i really hope i'm taking care of it well enough, because it seems fine, in fact better than described...

positive shock, and LOTS of it!

there are gaps in this blog - hopefully i'll get a chance to fill in bits and pieces.


monday:

monday was alright. after the previous days, i'm finally getting some respect and appreciation from my commanding officers - and also interesting work. we worked quite hard the whole day, and i did quite a bit of shmoozing too.

monday night SB picked me up, and we went to her place. a whole bunch of her friends came over to celebrate her birthday, and they're really fun people. the evening was most enjoyable, but i was exhausted so i went to bed early. around 2am. and i just couldn't sleep - my back gave me the weirdest problems.

tuesday:

SB gave me a ride to the base, which was fun. i spent the day woozing from place to place and job to job - i was completely broken, and totally sleep deprived. fortunately, most of my work was "commanding", so i organized a make-shift bed and mumbled orders with my eyes closed. at least my kid was understanding, and he actually performed supremely well - we got most of what we intended done, and done well.

on the way home i ran into a girl from our base's armoury. it was SB's birthday, and she agreed to help me pick out a gift. i ended up with something small and gorgeous, and not too expensive. i didn't want to exaggerate.

SB was supposed to be going out to dinner with a friend, but the friend cancelled so she picked me up and we went to her place.
-- NOTE TO SELF: REFLECT --
late-night munchies saw me getting a burrito - not as impressive as the first one. but whatever.

yesterday:

woke up at SB's, lazed the morning, and spent the early afternoon chatting over coffee, reading, and listening to good music with her two dogs. they're growing on me.

-- NOTE TO SELF: FIRST --

made my way home, showered, got into uniform, and was talking to the mongoose on the phone as i watched the bus-driver of my bus look me in the eye, then carry on. i screamed at the mongoose, in hebrew, over the phone, for about 5 minutes, and then the conversation carried on. i was amused. it's an israeli thing.

i got to the base just in time, and got to the "war room" to see high-ranking officers in a real environment. it was VERY interesting. our jobs were explained to us, and we did a bit of nothing for a while. at around 1.30am i was told i could crash.

today:

i woke up at 8.10 this morning - very grateful for that because i'd turned off my phone with it's alarm. jumped out of bed, rolled up my sleeping bag, and left the "war room" and returned to my section. spent an hour or so on base, talking to people, sorting things out, drinking coffee, and then finally leaving. went past the bank, deposited my salary. went home, had a shower, listened to bob marley, and then took a bus to the middle of tel aviv, where SB picked me up and we went for lunch (i was too excited to eat. still am.).

-- TIME PASSES SLOWLY --

i just got back now from getting my tattoo done - it came out SPLENDIDLY. two hours of pure pain, though: i've been told i have seriously thin skin, and it was done on my spine and directly over my slipped disc. fortunately, both SB and the mongoose were there, and the time was definitely enjoyable.

and the end result (last time i saw it, it's covered now) is AWESOME. a pity that it burns still (and apparently will for weeks), that i couldn't get cream in time, and that my head is fucked up from the shock. and i have to work.

and pee. i'm going to pee now.

a weekend and a half to remember!

i woke up late yesterday, and spent the day doing anything but work. like i'm doing now. talked a lot on irc: feels good to be back in touch with everyone.

SB (the girl from the club on friday night - SuperBabe) sms'ed me, and a bit later we went of to watch crash - seriously powerful film. well done. we also talked a HELL of a lot. she took me to a crazy bar / restaurant in the middle of tel aviv, and i definitely appreciated the atmosphere and style.

things took a way more interesting turn than expected, and she ended up leaving my place around 4am... so two hours of sleep, and then up at 6.30 (exhausted, no shit) to go to the induction base.

i got a bit lost, but my commander found me, and we began a two hour walk and talk where i actually had to be alert and concentrate so i could understand the wickedly fast hebrew. i then went off to the section we support, and worked a bit from there before returning to my base.

i went past the head of our wing, and had an interesting discussion with him concerning last week's events. i then headed back to my section for a crazy fight with my commander - after which it was fully his right to send me to prison for a week or two, considering the way i spoke to him and the things i said. i was out of line, but so was he, and rank and hierarchy definitely count in the army.

so that was my flirting with danger. came out of it alright though - i finished the report, sent it to him, and then went back for round two. went much better, and our team leader walked in in the middle. considering that i'd pinned half the blame on him, our commander made him read it, and once he was done he simply said "hmmph, doesn't interest me." he shook my hand, and left. good fun, that was.

the commander then followed my advice and sent a major letter to all the section heads and people involved to show appreciation and recommend their behaviour and skill.

nice one. he even credited me in the email. so i'm rather pleased.

spent a few hours doing some serious work - i'm finally getting managerial stuff instead of grud-work, so things are much improved, and then i went with the dog to have lunch, then crashed in my office for an hour. i was woken up after we were due to leave, to be shown a program my other soldier had written that does terrible things to your vision.

not kind.

then went off to a coffee shop on the way to herzeliya (with the dog and SB, was really nice), and by the time i'd left it was no longer a good time to go to work, so i came home. SB's just joined me, and she's watching human traffic while i do some work.

i can't believe i survived today. and i'm still okay!

so fresh and so clean - clean

chuffed. no better word for me right now, nuh uh.

yesterday: i DID get around to cleaning. and burning my first DVD. let the backups begin!

i spent the evening online, catching up (as usual), and generally listening to good music. i spoke to hyperviper, for the first time in ages, and it turns out he was djing at the same time on a south african radio station, with an internet feed. so i logged in.

and heard him shout out a message to me :) can't say's i'm not impressed. i'm VERY impressed. and touched. and forced into a spot of homesickness. incorporated into that was some serious nostalgia, so i went out in search of a party.

the mongoose was working the door, so i hung around with him and we talked a hell of a lot. it was a party for media celebreties, so lots of snobby people in and out.
around 2am or so, we went inside, and sat down upstairs. we started talking to a really good looking girl, and the mongoose disappeared for a bit. i got her number, and an invite to a party on thursday - turns out she's some tv presenter. apparently i'm one of very few people in the country who don't recognize her.

sweet. so i'm looking forward to that.

we then moved on to the rock club, which was AWESOME. way better than the last few parties, and i really let go and enjoyed myself. especially when they played guano apes - lord of the boards: never heard THAT in a club before, and it ROCKED. i wasted myself - hyperviper, those drinks were for you!

we took a taxi to azrieli, and i walked back from there. i just got home, it's 6am, the sun is rising, and i'm waiting for hot water so i can shower before crashing. i KNOW i'm going to sleep well.

a place for my head

my favourite song (linkin park) in this period of my life.

work last night was frustrating. i kept getting calls at the most inopportune times, and one of the guys who called was a bit slow and aggressive, and it took me a while to calm down from that one.

i took a pleasurable walk home, and fell asleep watching blade runner.

woke up around 1pm, played some tekken and counterstrike, and am now arbing instead of cleaning. hmmm.

i don't feel like doing a damn thing.

flat spin

i woke up at 6.30am, and was absolutely certain that i was conscious and lying in bed for less than a minute after turning off the alarm. but i was wrong. so wrong.

8am i realized my error, and had a frightening jump-start to my day. including a freezing shower which did little more than handicap my movements.

i got to the base an hour later than i should have, but fortunately the fixes from the previous night took effect, and there were a grand total of 10 errors, none of them critical.

AMAZING.

we spent the day filing the report on the previous night (almost complete), modifying some bits and pieces of code here and there, and generally trying to be more clever than we were able considering our sleep deprivation.

i tried to sleep a couple of hours, but i just couldn't get comfortable. when i got home, i crashed beautifully. waking up hurt. at least i finally got some laundry done, but my apartment's dusty as hell. maybe i'll clean tomorrow.

i watched a few minutes of human traffic - mainly because i can. i can have things displayed on this "television" thing while i'm doing other things and getting dressed. it's fantastic technology. anyway, i got to thinking about my party days, and it fascinates me that i'm too busy to really escape. the only escape i'm interested in lately is in sleeping enough to be functional.

got to work the wrong way, meaning i unconciously chose the wrong bus. dammit. we're almost ready to begin, i'm exhausted. and that's all i have to say about that.

CRAZY fscking day

last night i got quite a bit of work done, and eventually crashed around 12-1am.

woke up well, for a change, and got to the base. the morning was chilled, the afternoon wasn't. :/

my commander gave me a half hour lecture because we've had a problem (non-critical) in our systems for a while now, and we haven't managed to solve it. so i was politely informed that my vacation has been cancelled, and i couldn't leave the base until the problem was solved.
okay, so he wasn't so polite about it. he was a right fugging prick.

considering the effort we've already put into it, it looked as though i'd be stuck on the base the whole bloody weekend.

i called the dog to come and help me - he was already on his way up north for his vac. that felt really shitty. i then started a really motivated attack on the problem, which involved some manoeuvering around the base. ended up in some office on the far side, eventually accumulating five people from five different sections to stay late and deal with this shit that pretty much had nothing to do with them (except that, it turned out much later, one of these nice guys was the original cause). we worked long and hard, everyone feeling my pressure, doing rediculously silly things on a live production server that needs to be PERFECT for tomorrow (the throughput tomorrow, specifically, is incredibly high and VERY critical). that last detail we only found out in the early evening.

so no breaks, and a lot of team effort, but by 11.40 we were OUT of there! everyone was most pleased. funny thing - in order to perform the final test to know we'd succeeded, we had to get a picture of one of the guys in the mongoose's section. none of us have EVER been so pleased to see his face - we were seriously celebrating. on our way out, we ran into him while he was guarding, and each gave him a huge hug. he was quite confused. he'll be helping us translate the report we'll be filing tomorrow ^_^

unfortunately, because tomorrow's such a heavy day, i've had to cancel my inkjob, and putting it off even for a week sucks ASS. and this is after i cancelled an appointment with a physiotherapist (which took long fscking enough to organize) because i would have needed time to recuperate.

AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!

the dog and i went to this awesome restaurant, zinc, again, and met up with his sister there. i'd forgotten how good (and cheap) the food is, the calamari i ordered was actually melting in my mouth. and everything tasted SOOOO good. and the music was funky as hell.

afterwards we played an hour or so of pool, which was quite fun, and i just got a cab home. i'm not doing ANY work or emailing tonight, 'cause i gotta be up in less than three hours to go back to the base...

w00tness to the EXTREME!!

my tv and dvd player have just arrived, and they are squeaky clean and funky cool - and everything's workin' perfectly. i am SO excited. and SO nervous about anything going wrong.

last night my mom and i started plans for potentially going to new york and maybe even washington for a week or so - very cool. we also had an argument about my tattoo - and i'm doing a personal double check on the idea. scares me, but what the hell. i think this whole thing goes back to my base need to influence my reality.

today was slightly better than yesterday. it included me being given the honour of pinning on the dog's new rank, and doing some interesting work. minor, but something more than usual.

the dog came back to wait with me for my stuff to arrive, so we watched high fidelity. cool film. the guys brought everything, we set it up, and watched the intro to the fifth element. goooooood quality. and we played some tekken. with all the characters unlocked (we found my memory cards!).

so i'm really chuffed. i have some rather icky work to do now, finally getting around to it.

where to start? at the beginning, rufus!

my brain aches... dull, throbbing, low-intensity reminders that i'm not doing to well...

as said in fight club, babies don't sleep this good (well?). this morning, i must have woken up about 10 times between 6.30 and 8am. i had a slow start, with breakfast cereal and coffee, then got to the base about an hour late.

nobody noticed, except the dog - who i'd given explicit instructions to to make it on time. i can be a real bastard sometimes.

we did sweet bugger-all today. really. i'm horrified.

i noticed today that i'm rather down in general, and it's not easy to get out of something like this. i don't have a clue what i'm going to do about it. i'm totally unmotivated, totally lacking any care about anything. all i want to do is watch movies, read and sleep. and sod everything else.

i've been putting it off for a while - i went to buy (with my army allowance) a television and dvd player (divx, copies too). nifty stuff. the dog came with me, and i went with him as he visited a family friend.

we took a bus to his place, where his grandmother stuffed us with good food and we played tekken. seeing as my tv's arriving tomorrow, i brought my playstation back with me, along with some heavy books.

by the time i got home, loaded down, drenched in sweat (and having RUN to catch the bus), the last thing i needed was murphy's law in my face. somebody in our apartment put up a sign today (while i was out, obviously) saying that they're selling a tv for next-to-nothing.
figures.
whatever.

had a cool shower, and am now talking to my mum. g'nite.

interesting... to me, at least

shaved my head today - and found out that it's illegal for me to do so (minimum length: 2mm). i'm not sure i care, and i LOVE the look and feel.

arbed most of the day. visited people, slept, read, and for a few moments, even worked a little.
but not too much.

the dog came shopping with me, we played tekken at his place, ate supper, and went to play pool. and discovered that if we'd used only one of our cards each time, we'd have gold cards already.
damn, but that does suck.

played some good pool, yogi joined us and played some more. then two girls playing next to us joined our table, and we played some more together. t'was fun.

i finally got the courage together to ask this one waitress out, and she has a boyfriend. it bothers me, but what can i do? at least it wasn't all awkward afterward, but i am sorry she's not for me :(

yogi just dropped me off at home - we're having serious thoughts about started a small company together. i'm hoping my mom's going to call soon, then i'm going to take a shower and go to bed.

i also, with a little help, came up with a solution to yesterday's work problem. i'll implement that eventually.

life's alright, at that.