regained perspective

i went out last night with the express purpose of clearing my head / drowning my sorrows / drowning out the noise of my thoughts. we took a slow walk to the balcony (and i had a slow drink of some good whiskey on the way), and met up with my TL and a friend of his when we got there.

we spent a really fun hour or so with them, talking crap and talking seriously, sometimes at the same time. we shared a couple of drinks, too.

when the two of them left, we moved to the bar, and i spent most of the rest of the night simply enjoying the music (and a couple more drinks). that is, until something blurred past me, and i heard glass smash.

after the initial confusion, it turned out that the girl spot had been talking to had picked up a small bowl of pretzels, emptied it, and thrown it at the cute bartender. and hit, too. that bitch really made my hackles rise, not to mention the bartender and everyone else who witnessed it. even after she and her friends got chucked out, i was still pissed off.

that scene took me into a weird place in my head, where i began pondering all the things that are going on with me right now, and then trailed back slowly over the past few years, and regressed further and further until i had a picture of my whole life so far, more or less.

wow. what a crazy story! my life's taken so many unexpected turns, and most of the sharp ones have turned out for the best. i've gone from a stupid kid, to a wannabe dreamer, to somebody who's actually (slowly but surely) making those dreams come true. and contrary to my first girlfriend's (lake's) warning, i've managed not only to retain my idealism, but i've reinforced it as well.

i'm overloaded at the moment, but i've been overloaded in the past many times. at some point i'm probably going to get used to it. either way, in general, i'm totally happy with the way things are going, how've i've gotten to where i am, and not least with the fact that i make my mother really proud.

and certainly not least, i make myself proud. it may not all be perfect and rosy, but i've been keeping it on track in spite of everything that's been thrown at me. all i can do is pray that i don't lose focus, and that nothing bites me too hard: i've had more luck in getting to where i am than i'd care to contemplate.