reflection

 yesterday was.

in the morning, i went out to the hardware store and picked up (amongst other things) a silicon tube and a proper handle for it. then i cleaned enough sideways bat shit off our windows (they're big windows, it's hard work) to take photos and ask for help with getting them fixed...

...

i wiped my company laptop, and went to the office to return it. i had initially planned to avoid the floor - i called it "a round of unpleasantness" - but ended up being taking aside for multiple talks, two of which being people who i'd been pivotal in convincing to join and who are now very concerned and unhappy. and then there was the security contractor, who i was worried was actually going to cry.

and then there was my boss, who made it clear that he wants to talk to me next week sometime, off the record, and it looks like he has something to say that he's not allowed to say.

and then there were the two backstabbing team leads. the first was just awkward. the second, i shook his dirty hand and looked him in his teenager eyes while he tried to assure me that i'd be okay, and i told him that there are recruiters that won't even look at my resume now.

i doubt they'll feel guilty, though.

finally, one of the founders shook me by the hand and thanked me for being one of the big reasons the company is succeeding.

i know.

...

after setting the silicon around the sink, i spent the afternoon bouncing between doing a little homework for my 5pm interview with the company whose offer i didn't accept, and jumping on and off calls with recruiters.

the 5pm interview was supposed to be a re-sync for culture fit, but the two-months'-new VP R&D had other ideas, and it was effectively from scratch, and included a technical component that i simply wasn't ready for. it wouldn't have been the end of the world, but i plumb forgot the word "instrument" for telemetry and that put him off, and i didn't have a coherent answer for how i've handled disagreements over the past few months, and i clearly said more about this week's drama than i should have, so my overall feeling by the end of the session was "nuh, uh".

but maybe that's okay. he made me a bit uncomfortable, and i'm now wondering if i didn't dodge a bullet when i declined to sign.

...

mr smear's homework session was positive, dinner (leftovers because the silicon hasn't cured yet) was good, and the evening was fine except for bedtime, which was going great until mr smear did his usual pre-sleep routine and made for some very sour feelings.

otherwise, i went to bed early last night, completely buggered.

this morning so far:

i woke up tired, did some emergency dishes so that gd could make breakfast, and sat with mr smear to discuss the bedtime story. then i accompanied him to school, which was a really nice opportunity for a bunch of conversations on a beautiful morning, and now i'm home and trying to balance relaxing, getting important stuff done, and figuring out next steps.