disquiet

 kiddush last night was with both my mom and my sister, and mr smear set the tone (for me and gd, at least) by being antisocial. dinner itself was mostly good in spite of that, but then there were bedtime shenanigans as well and by that stage i was completely frustrated and emotionally drained.

i tried sleeping on the couch, which hurt my lower back. i dragged myself to the bed, and slept better, though for a lot of the night i lay awake with slipknot phrases pumping behind my eyes.

i just read a bit of blindsight over coffee, on a very quiet, beautiful morning, but my eyes are struggling to read, and struggling to look out the window, and my heart is filled with disquiet.