closure

 oh, and there are other anxieties too... like the "i've just started an application with a company and they're not going to be okay with me stopping the process with them for the fourth time in three years", and the unrelated but not negligible "my son isn't fully understanding how precarious his tenancy at his new school is" anxiety...

i accompanied mr smear to school this morning, then ducked into the office to clear my desk. i encountered two of my now-ex-coworkers and we talked for a bit, with me needing to do more consoling than them and not doing a particularly great job of it.

the "decision" meeting of my hearing took about five minutes. i wasn't unhappy with the severance they offered. when i later signed the document, it was with utter disgust and contempt for their pitifully childish responses to my hearing responses that were encoded within.

i posted a farewell message in the company whatsapp, to which i have received a heartwarming outpouring of commiseration and goodwill. there's something extremely precious in knowing that during the course of my eight month run i touched a lot of people, and that a heck of a lot of them understand how capable i am and how wrong this all is.

some of my now-ex-coworkers are miserable, some are scared, some are furious.

one of the back-stabbers had the gall to send me a perfunctory message, gd was impressed by my ability to phrase "go fuck yourself" so politely.

i must say: it struck me on the way to gd's eye doctor appointment that had my boss fired me the week before, or had he let me grind another month or three in the new team before firing me, i think my reputation would have suffered considerably more harm. he has no idea how much his bumbling just-so has protected me, and i guess i should be grateful.

in the morning, my old improv teammate called me to discuss his employer, and not only did he sell it but he gave me some useful advice about interviewing with them.

i'm now looking for something a little less adventurous, something that will hopefully stick to my resume for a few years at least.

[logging in to my cousin's funeral on zoom]

not being employed, i was able to accompany gd to her eye doctor appointment in neve tzedek. we picked up a really good coffee from mae on the way, and the appointment itself was interesting because the doctor is french so a) gd didn't need me for translation at all and the communication was fluid and b) i was surprised to find i understood most of what transpired.

after a mission to find polenta we came home, stopping by the store on the way, and i was feeling pretty weak and a bit faint. i wolfed down some leftovers, then rushed off to the school to inspect mr smear's locker. on my way, i spoke to skippity, who hadn't been able to bring himself to join us yesterday. i told him it's not a good idea to grieve alone, and i gave him some encouragement, and i really hope he doesn't keep taking this so hard.

1. i learned that when mr smear doesn't leave class with everyone else, he holds up the janitor who does not appreciate it at all.

2. his friend ratted on him and i learned that he's still using the teacher's computer (boy, was he surprised to be informed that all his teacher has to do is look at her browser history)

3. he very confidently informed his friend that i was fired, which made my heart sink. later, when i mentioned it to gd on the phone, i was walking into a light-rail tunnel and said it out loud just as a whole bunch of people came walking round the corner :/

4. the books he claimed he couldn't find were right in front of his eyes when he opened his locker. and he's missing a book, that he likely left outside the locker, and we're going to have to put down a lot of money to replace it :(

it took so long to get out of there, that i was under serious time pressure to find a place to take the sensitive* intro call. we pulled into a hotel foyer, paid the dues (a coffee and orange juice), and i had what felt like a pretty good conversation.

* the fourth-timers

we went into the mall and went through the posters hoping to find what his friend wanted, but they didn't have it. then we returned home, breezed through his hebrew homework, and he did his math homework well.

gd made good on the polenta, i usually don't like it but i totally enjoyed the dinner tonight.

the bedtime routine went quite smoothly, but i almost fell asleep reading to mr smear and i joined gd in the living room and passed out on the couch. i woke up a while later extremely uncomfortable, and transferred myself to the bed. then i got up to my midnight alarm for my cousin's funeral.

for decades, my memories of him have been tarnished by something he did when he emigrated, but listening to the eulogies and being reminded of all his other attributes, i feel like i've been judging him rather unfairly.

...

mr smear just jump-scared me, it's 1.30am and he just had a nightmare. i am grateful, though, he finally got the message about not yelling "help" from his bed...