further down

 today was hard. firstly, i woke up with a sore throat, and while it was kind of alright for most of the day i'm already feeling like tomorrow morning's going to be more of the same. i wasn't feeling good, but gd was a mess.

secondly, mr smear threw the mother of all tantrums this morning because we didn't agree to him using the ipad while eating breakfast... and for context, he'd literally spent the entire morning up until that point (it may have been early afternoon already, i just don't remember) playing with LLMs and watching adventure time with us.

i'm relieved but surprised that the neighbors didn't call the police on us. holy shit. he lost his goddamned mind and it took a loooooong time and extreme levels of patience and tolerance before he calmed down.

he said some really awful things. like, really awful. at one point i found myself standing outside his door, [redacted].

today was hard. on the one hand, i feel like i've failed him in a big way. on the other, i feel like i pulled out some mighty fine parenting in spite of that.

once through that, the rest of the day was okay. i took him out on his bike and he had fun, the afternoon / evening was peaceful, bathtime / bedtime were both positive.

i don't know how i managed to stay even remotely "online" for an hour long chat with horseman, and i'm now in this weird space where i know i have a ton of things that need doing but not so much as an ounce of motivation to do anything, and i'm tired but wired and i don't feel like going to bed, and i don't feel like watching anything either (i did some doom-scrolling earlier, it definitely didn't contribute anything positive).

fuck.