money ugliness

 yesterday, a coworker i get along with really well - who's in the middle of a salary negotiation - asked me flat-out how much i earn. when i was hired, our boss explained to me that everyone in our company plays with open cards, and although i felt uncomfortable sharing my hourly rate i also felt that it was the right thing to do.

it turns out there's a relatively large disparity between our salaries.

the conversation that ensued was awkward, and i said some things that i realize now were an emotional response and possibly destructive. they were said with good intentions, but the reality is that he's earning a very decent salary for his experience, capabilities and output. i feel uncomfortable talking about my strengths, and that made me say things that may have made him feel that it was unfair for me to be earning more, when in reality i do have a lot more experience, not to mention a broader role, than he does.

and now that that conversation's done, it's done. there's no way to take anything back and it's preying on my mind that i may have generated unnecessary drama.