happy mother's day

yesterday was long. the tough mission of the day was going to a family friend's kid's barmitzvah with my mom, i was really glad we went but about halfway through i felt like death, like the slow-release morphine has all released at the same time, and it wasn't until we eventually got back to my mom's that i started feeling less awful. and of course, we had to stop at home to see why people were complaining about us having clothing on our balcony - which we didn't.

it was a long, mindless day of watching videos and being uncomfortable. in the evening, mr smear hurt himself, and was afterwards lying next to me when he suddenly threw up all over the bed. this led to some real drama when gd gave me shit because i, heavily medicated and unable to put weight on my leg, wasn't jumping up to carry mr smear or clear the bedsheets. unfortunately, my angry response upset mr smear and for that i feel really bad.

my mom took gd and mr smear to the hospital to make sure there wasn't anything interesting going on, and the rest of my evening continued just like the day. at some point i realized that the quadriceps of my damaged leg are completely wrecked, i'm going to have to take that up with my surgeon and the physio this week.

most of last night was okay, i think? but there were still a few very difficult periods. i haven't been able to focus long enough to read, really, so for days now all i've been doing is haunting reddit and watching youtube videos.

...

last night's drama is still heavy, but i am (intellectually, at least) very grateful to my wife for everything she's been doing to take care of her boys these past few weeks. and i'm exceedingly grateful to my mother, it's been a long time since i was last completely useless and i don't know what we'd do without her.