a fresh start

i write this, a small smile of disbelief [okay, it's getting bigger as i type] upon my face as i consider the fact that with the previous post, my story of the last six years' trials and triumphs, of personal growth and stubborn refusal to be contaminated by the system, of fears and loves, has come to an end.

it is just a story, contained within a larger context and filled with side-notes and excursions... but it is my story. i now obligate myself to flesh it out with the details that i've been too paranoid to provide, while simultaneously obligating myself to protect those involved and the system in general from malevolent misunderstandings.

i am proud to have completed my service. proud to have served my country. i have served with people from all walks of life; from wonderful and inspiring people to self-serving scum, from colourful to drab, and i've been blown away by achievement just as much as i've been disgusted by disappointment. it's a huge, complex machine and it does its best to protect us; we can improve it in little bits but we can't ask for more than that.

i walk away ecstatic, with my inappropriately extreme ideals intact. i walk away relieved to have regained control of my body and my voice. i walk away and into a non-framework filled with choices and risks and confusion.

that was not an easy service by anyone's standards, but i don't for a moment regret fulfilling my obligations to a country that provided me with opportunities when i had nowhere else to go. i don't regret signing on for the permanent force, where i could be challenged and fully-employed, where i could gain experience in a field previously inaccessible to me.

i most certainly don't regret writing it all down - in addition to enjoying (in retrospect, of course) the strangeness of a narrative that bringing hippie values to a military institution can produce, i feel that all of my experiences have brought me to an understanding of humans and the human condition that needs to be shared.

i believe we are destined for greatness, and i believe we have the potential to create a brotherhood of man. we're just going to have to work on it. together. it all begins with a seed of hope, and only you are responsible for the seed you carry.

...

and now, back to the weather.