too late! sleep!

my retarded ex-flatmate threw out a primary component of the vacuum cleaner, so there we were in the middle of a saturday afternoon rummaging through the garbage (most of it wet, sticky and rancid) to find it. i'm very, very glad that i caught that in time.

after making a couple of missions, i went to the beach for drinks with karnaf - after a rather ugly, dusty day the sunset was absolutely phenomenal! and of course, my camera's in the shop with the rest of my phone.

after a quick stop by one of ze germans to pick up my hat, i came back home so that my platoon leader from last year's jolly jaunt in the desert could bring me a small but usefully official piece of paper. then it was time to do the laundry, so i stopped by coffeeholic for a wonderful breakfast (the chef's special) on the way.

the public laundromats are difficult to use because they require a specific and rare combination of coins that the surrounding kiosks are loathe to part with. after being chucked out of the first one i managed to argue my way to the right change with the next, which kind of felt like being in the middle of a bad adventure game ploy.

i thought i'd use the laundry time productively, but instead i napped for most of it. after hanging it up, i spent a lot of time learning about uploading videos to youtube - for instance, it must be rotated before upload (unlike facebook)... so 32 megabytes later and i'm now reprocessing and re-uploading :(

shifted day

i think i may have had too much to drink last night.

at least i've done a number of things on the list, not least of which was completing the final construction (set of drawers). i called up her grandmother to wish her a happy birthday (funny, i had a strange dream about her just prior to waking up, most unusual), and i'm now off to carry the last of my things from the old flat.

oh, and the video seems to be appreciated ^_^

the afghan whigs have good music, but i'm not thrilled about the singing.

i suddenly remembered the name of the record store i used to frequent (and subsequently learned how to dj from): sphere records. apparently rob-b is still active - i wonder what happened to lee?

a fiery spiritual experience
gender roles: apparently from the 70's but that seems a little out there
duke nukem forever is dead: linked from xkcd, this page is full of interesting information and comparisons
xkcd: for firefly fans - gotta read all 5 of them, i had a really good laugh

aa@home

damn - is it past 4.30am already? gco and his girlfriend arrived about five hours ago with a bottle of vodka and a bottle of coke, i brought out the rum and we've been talking crap the entire night.

it was very nice, but there were some topics that got disquietingly serious. i'm now exhausted. and maybe a little drunk.

i decided (while under the influence) to put my video online without editing. i don't know what the potential fallout is, but i have faith that enough people will find it amusing :)

orange: it really needs mentioning

there's nothing like freshly squeezed, especially when it's at the end of a day filled with mini-accomplishments and the oranges are absolutely perfect for being raped by the fruit-fucker juiced.

turned back

i smashed all my teeth
'cause my foot wouldn't fit
then i laid down my wreath
my own coffin i lit

only i eulogize
in the strongest of terms
to escape all the lies
and then turn to the worms

i appear at a gate
that has long been abandoned
i have made a mistake
the lord was forced to rescind

i look far beyond
but there's no frolicking
there's also no torture
nor reason to sing

spider in my room

rarely seen
sudden scuttling in the corners
busied with scarcity
rarely felt
soft touch brushing my skin
a kiss to remember

going on an adventure
in her big, wide world
interminably seeking a sacred space
to haunt for all eternity

rarely seen, rarely felt
sudden scuttling in the corners
soft touch brushing my skin
busied with scarcity, a kiss to remember

(barefoot inside)

i'm almost done cleaning, it's been a bit of a mission but my apartment is looking really good! i'll put together the last set of drawers tomorrow, and then i'll be able to put away the odd bits :)

ben harper's music has lots of ups and downs for me. i put the album the will to live on and thought that it was a bit, well, lacking - but then as soon as my randomized playlist hit homeless child i started vibing with it... and then thought "meh" when i got to the title song.

doing my killing before breakfast

i had to give my phone up until monday - that sucks, no camera and i didn't write down my appointments :/

i woke up this morning and immediately gathered up all my old clothes and shoes and took them to the donation point, with a great big grin for the beautiful morning ^_^

i handed over my phone to orange - didn't take long at all - and then headed back home to put up my posters and mirror... and it wasn't difficult and didn't take very long! i'm very happy with the results :)

after a quick stop at the post office, i went past the hardware store to return the drill and help the dude test his key-cutter, then took my laundry to the old apartment but the washing machine was in use. since then i've heard that the machine broke down in the middle of the wash, so maybe that's not a bad thing.

i had breakfast at coffeeholic, a really good breakfast (as usual) spent scribbling and reading. i'm bothered a little by james hillman referring to an "LSD-high", because i don't think it's the kind of effect one can safely describe as enjoyable... but the following resonated strongly as it struck a deep nerve:

if the formation itself is off course, then the man who is really 'on course' must leave the formation
- ronald laing

pj harvey is the bomb.

nap time!

a german,

a dutchman and a south african walk into a bar... not the best of bars, but we had a pleasant evening and i'm now definitely ready (coerced by some rather expensive whiskey - must start drinking at home) for bed.

a smile for the weekend

it's a form of ecstasy, the weekend euphoria is upon me! i must admit, my jaunt through the streets wearing nothing but a towel and a shower-cap, carrying a squeaky duck, underwear and a back-scrubber might have had some effect... i'm annoyed about the editing software crashing on me, that's going to make it take a while before i can remove all the super-dumb things i said...
...i was nervous, alright?

as i turned off the camera, i heard a siren coming up the street and ducked into the building. i don't know if it was for me.

---
today was difficult, although it did have some scattered amusement. my TL seems to have an idea where my bad news is going (and i didn't actually have to say anything), and he seems resigned to whatever my future will bring. i like that, although i could be wrong.

lunch did bad things to my belly.

amongst the faffing i did actually make a little headway into my work, and i left on a relatively good note. i went straight to the bank, sorted out the first half of a standing order that i should've done weeks ago, and stopped at the hardware store for some shopping, a chat and to borrow the dude's drill. after a bit of work, i have managed to drill two neat and well-placed holes in my shower tiles and the shower-head is now above waist-height!

sweet! now to go out for a drink.

mad dead chicken skills

it's late, and it's been a long day - but after being re-reminded this morning that late nights and weekday alcohol is good for me i'm not overly concerned. nystire told me that it's because i'm south african.

jump-link to voodoo programming, which i'm apparently gifted with. i found an unbelievably incoherent solution to someone else's coding problem this morning without having a clue what was being performed :P

culture: explaining baboons and baboon behaviour to israelis, hearing my TL discussing mother's milk being sent overseas... colour me concerned O_o

i got a follow-up phone call this afternoon, and i think the person i'm communicating with "gets" what kind of person i am. i don't know how much that's going to help, but i don't feel like i'm being cast to the dogs without mercy. i think i deserve a little, i've done myself more damage than anyone else is capable of in this matter.

after a long chat with my mum and then a quick one with SxS, i got back to smiling - how is it that i can never keep the useful concepts in my head when i'm under pressure?
1) totalwaste functions better with alcohol and sleep deprivation
2) as bill hicks said: "it's just a ride"

after spending a few minutes with the hardware store dude, i hopped on a bus to meet up with some friends at the artbeat exhibition / opening performances. the photography is sterling, the performances were absolutely incredible! i was already a fan of einav jackson cohen, i'm now a big fan of tamar eisenman (intense!), i think onili's music is really fun stuff and i didn't remember just how amazing panic ensemble is - absolutely mind-blowing, inspired and thrilling!

pity my back's giving me trouble :(

big deal for the day: curtains vs. blinds. my mum and i agreed that because at some stage i'm going to rent my place out i should get curtains, but - dammit! - the blinds come in colours that just do it for me, bright greens and oranges that i think would be perfect!

k-twang was kind enough to send me a link to something i'd wear, which as i told him is kind of creepy considering the idea i had this morning. i'd share it with the rest of the world if i didn't think there was lots of money to be made with it ;)

hmm... i got rather a lot of prose out today. i might share it.

a note on dani gilboa

the man can play, the show was great! i would have enjoyed it more if i hadn't had so much trouble keeping my eyes open, i was bombed before it began and post-beer and rum & coke i was even worse... plus the music was quite hypnotic.

favourite? his own music rocks, but his hebrew cover of jimi hendrix - hey joe (hey yossi) was inspired!

i walked home, half because i didn't think anybody else would be leaving within the hour and half because i needed the fresh air, and i just got out the shower and am about to hit the sack.

post-meeting in particular, but for the last couple of weeks in general i've been thinking a lot about the last few years and how they've affected me.
i've been driven up the wall, and i need to reset.
i'm annoyed with this morning's conversation because i missed the opportunity (like most people, i always think better after it's no longer relevant) to respond to the question: "why on earth would you do that?!" with "because if you don't take risks, you may as well be dead".

a pity.

it's like i wasn't there

nope, still really, really tired. at least i've had blood samples taken so i'll know in a bit if i've really stressed myself out this much.

i called tech-support this morning for the router (pronounced ROOTer, for all of my americanized readers) and was informed that i'm the only person who's complained that their hours make it necessary to take a day off if there's a problem.

the Big Dreaded Meeting was... unfortunate. for the moment i can only say that i've well and truly screwed myself, and that i'm going to pay for my stupidity. i just don't know yet how much. i've begun preparing for the worst, which is sadly highly probable.

i got to base, talked to my mum, had lunch and went back to work. aside from being tired and unfocused the last couple of weeks, my current project sucks and i've become apathetic. i guess i'm just stressed and unhappy in general.

james hillman's re-visioning psychology is terrific, i just wish my latest downturn wasn't preventing me from getting into it properly.

i picked up my monitor on the way home - how did i manage without an lcd at home until now?!

i visited the hardware store, the guy there's helping out both me and his neighbour who sells curtains and blinds by being our go-between - he's a swell dude :)

i went to the old apartment a couple of times to run laundry and transfer, spent too much time with the router and was then honoured with a visit by sammy - it was really good to see him again and it was, of course, nice to be able to show off the pad ^_^

sammy was good enough to drop me off at the "picture theatre", where my neighbours going to be performing in a minute or two... i'm very impressed that i made it :)

another interminable nap

i didn't go out drinking last night, i woke up at 10pm and decided that it would be a really bad idea to leave the apartment in that state :/

so i watched an episode of battlestar galactica instead, started an ubuntu upgrade (done), and went back to sleep.

i'm actually surprised to find myself as nervous as i am. i've already screwed everything up, but even damage mitigation is stressful. is today the first day of the rest of my life?

i have frank zappa talking in the background - kinda makes me feel like i'm watching those rejected bitter films randoms. maybe i should listen.

indie on the move is a great concept!

come on in! the water's fine!

towel-rail: solid (and just the right length!)
water-pressure: great
shower-head: in need of an upgrade, but usable
leaks: none
drainage: not great, might be blocked

not only did i have a pleasantly hot shower now, even after shaving this morning and the geyser is only set for fifteen minutes (the minimum amount) per day (pre-shave), but the installation of the towel rail took all of two minutes. very cool 8).

i received no instructions with the blood tests, so i'm going out drinking tonight in preparation for tomorrow's Big Grill: i'm answering that call.---
it bothers me that tech-support for my router is sunday - thursday, 9am - 5pm. let's assume that the usual issues with a router - like, say, your net connection going down at 2am - are not comfortably dealt with by this company. suck.

this is the puzzle from this morning

still exhausted

i'm going tomorrow for blood tests, i'm afraid of the possibility that being this tired constantly is physical illness and not simply spiritual fatigue.

i just put down the deposit for my first lcd monitor (of my very own), and am about to call tech support to see if they can sort out my router - i figured it's a good idea to post before that happens :P

negotiations over - the 60's is on its way to me ^_^

a couple of us played super-munchkin over lunch today, which is a start. the other fun bit of the day was the riddle, not too complicated but very frustrating nonetheless (i didn't understand the rules at first, and came up with very funny solutions).

the sandstorm* today was insane. going outside was masochistic, and i made the mission to the hairdresser only to discover that his foot's hurt so he couldn't work today...
today was mostly pointless work-wise, or at least not very fruitful, and i think the highlight was being called by the student authority (4.5 years later) for a telephonic interview to see how my absorption's going.
i'll only find out tomorrow, but i decided to be positive nonetheless ;)

i just let a spider into my apartment through the only possible entrance / exit - and it promptly disappeared. bugger.

* i was reminded of an 80's movie with travellers being eaten by some weird creature that lived in the sandstorm. anyone know what i'm remembering?

the mall is my church

we have a stairwell cow: i stepped out of the pad, skirted around the sofa that's been blocking the entrance to my digs for days, and some woman from upstairs climbed into me about how terrible it is and how i need to move it out.

i explained that i was trying to, and that i was, in fact, on my way to see someone about it - this was true, i was off to get my newly-ex'ed flatmate to help me carry it over there. she proceeded to stress that it's unacceptable, and that it needs to be moved out within the week.

i didn't like her tone, and i like her even less.

hauling the couch was serious exercise, but it's done and that's one less headache - assuming, of course, that my neck wasn't harmed in the process :P

after a long chat with my mum, i hit the shower for hopefully the last time and then came back home to get stuck into internet consumerism.
as i said earlier, i bought the wonder years box set. i then discovered that there's no such thing, and i managed to get a refund. i'd rather have had the box set. as a replacement, i went hunting for the 60's, which is no longer being produced and is therefore quite expensive. i found a set on ebay for a [relatively] decent price, but now we're in staggered negotiations over shipping. so i bought forrest gump to satisfy my need for immediate gratification.

and now for bed.

false-hope joanna

dammit! a girl named joanna was going to buy the sofa, and i forgot to call her until i got home... too late, she'd found something cheaper. crud.

the rest of the afternoon didn't improve, and when shuttle-time came around we all scrambled. once i got home it was straight out the door again to do some shopping.

it's dusty, icky and i have bugs plastered all over me and up my nose.

i've just been on a mission to produce transparent pvc stickers for my entrance mirror, spare dvd covers (boy, did i drive them crazy) and on the way picked up a couple of stylish magnets (i won't put any old trash on my fridge!) and sorted out the towel rail. now i just have to install that so i can clean myself up.
i also looked at lcd monitors, i think i'm going to need to upgrade soon.

ugh... i've been bitten all over :S

so i *just* bought the box set of the wonder years (i've had joe cocker's voice in my head now for almost an hour), and i almost bought a monitor online but then thought better of it. i prefer to deal with my neighbourhood store.

yay! a number of people have successfully downloaded mighty mouse - the great space chase! and of course i'm still the only seeder. wonderful :/

for all the fans: an interesting susan boyle perspective

eyelid strain

i'm once again forced to consume extreme quantities of caffeine in order to function - am i still sick? or just sick of this place? or was lunch really as bad as it tasted?

as it was, i arrived late this morning (my ride had an eventful morning) and that afforded me the opportunity to have a relaxed breakfast... but not a relaxed day :(

i've spent a lot of the afternoon on hold or receiving crappy service (actually, "bitter" may be the more appropriate word) and that's turned today into another "i'm not overly-fond of israelis" day.

getting settled

i've just watched the first episode of the second battlestar galactica season, and loved it! especially the bit where i was lying on the couch, beer in hand, at *just* the right angle and distance. the only thing i'm missing now is an lcd monitor that can handle inputs from my dvd player and playstation and i'll be sorted.

as it is, i finally cleared the majority of stuff (in other words, i've emptied all the cardboard boxes and more or less arranged their contents in seemingly correct places - and i haven't yet constructed the second set of drawers), began painting the kitchen wall (where the cupboard was removed from) and aside from not having cleaned the floors yet the apartment feels right ^_^

i did go to coffeeholic for dinner, primarily because i hadn't been outside the entire day, and i did some shopping too - it's really weird (and nice!) to have a fridge all to myself, i've been using the tiniest corner of the other apartment's for months and it's been driving me crazy...

now going back there to shower and bring over a couple more things, as usual :P

aaaaaaargh! mosquito season and my legs have been chewed!

archer: this girl is incredible!

a bit tidier now

i've spent the afternoon filtering the remnants of my life with plastic dividers, morphine - the night, full metal jacket and saiko-pod (koxbox lab) setting the tone.

i built a spare bed today:

just another item off the checklist. now for an entrance table and space to store shoes.

i caught up online, and actually laughed out loud a couple of times:
craiglist: if you know who jim darkmagic is, let's talk
xkcd: a dangerous shopping list

too much comfort

southern.

the evening was very nice but long, i don't manage hebrew karaoke because i can't read fast enough :(

now that i'm back from a slow walk through tel aviv, i'm going to crash so that i'll have the energy for all the necessary construction tomorrow. ooh! that made me smile :)

a far-away grin

after all that craziness, a shower and a nap were pretty much all i needed - after moving things around a bit and watching the rest of the animated pvp series i got dressed and took a happy walk to the train station.

happy, because in addition to the day having been quite successful and the evening very pretty, i keep thinking about where i am as far as my service is concerned and i'm definitely ready for the change i feel coming :)

i'm regaining my sense of self and my perspective, and i haven't felt like smiling like this in ages!

exhausted and dirty

but hey, i have a good-looking kitchen unit, a new toilet tank, unsightly spaces filled and a good section of wall suddenly in need of paint, a fridge, a washing machine awaiting a technician (and it fit without incident! yay!), a pretty shelf above my bed and a ton of ikea goods to build.

it's just that everyone came all at once, which was kind of crazy - and my place is a complete mess :P

breakfast was awesome, then five hours of carpentry, drilling and playing, quick shopping and a snack, and now i'm about ready to go have a shower and then nap before tonight's 50th birthday celebration out of town.

a mosquito in my fly

so that's the third time in a couple of weeks that there's been a mosquito buzzing around my legs while i've been relieving myself on base, and i've been wondering how unpleasant it could be if it were to nip inside my pants while i was zipping up... i think that would be bad.

if i don't like wasting time in eilat, and i don't like hanging around hotels when i could be "doing things". two people were concerned this morning because i wasn't enthusiastic about a reduced-price vacation to a hotel in eilat. i'd rather stay in tel aviv, thanks. and go to the beach. and come back to the wonders of home.

i found my charger! i'm so embarrassed that i left it at work.

the call i've been waiting for since [last] [wednesday] came in, and i will answer it in another few days. i keep running speeches through my head even though i know that when the time comes i won't know where to begin and won't have anything coherent to say. i'm better at writing stuff.

why opening one's heart and one's network is undesirable - being responsible for whatever traffic passes through your system sucks. what happens when you follow the instructions - i burned my wireless router and have to take it back now. i should have gone with my instincts.

quote of the day: "programmers have to be inhibited; if they'd do it all in their heads everything would be fine". [kind of like the legend of QUERTY]

ikea 2: nystire and i went to ikea, and i must admit it was far easier arriving with a decent list and company. i won't complain about the salted liquorice, either. i'm shocked that i arrived at pretty much the same sum as last time... it's been a really expensive month.

we ran into mmf and his wife while there, so i got a ride home with them. aside from the amusing talk on the way, he assured me that there's still a decent jump-point for me with him whenever i finish my service. this is comforting :)
i set up my night light [very cool little lamp that turns on when there's no bright light around it] and my funky bedside lamp, learned that horrible lesson about the router, showered, loaded the washing machine, arrived at coffeeholic too late for food (so i drank coffee and chatted with the other regulars), ate a "buddha burger" [a wonderfully surprising vegetarian burger], removed laundry, came home to catch up online and post this, and am crashing in another few minutes.

tomorrow's a big "can we fit the washing machine into the bathroom" and "let's build furniture" day. good night!

traditional independence barbeque

it was long day filled (literally: non-stop) with delicious dead animals, swimming, good friends (and all their children - am i getting older?!), great music, loads of beer and even more laughter!

now i'm absolutely exhausted. it doesn't help that it's taken me more than half an hour to figure out how to upload a torrent, but upload i have!

it's only taken me 51 weeks.

i'm going to sleep so well now ^_^

night celebration complete

some of it was really fun, some quite boring. we made an unfortunate mistake and chose the wrong starting point, and the best party was closed down by the time we got there because it was a good party.

that's what happens in these parts.

i'm completely exhausted, just got back from a shower at the old apartment and am definitely going to sleep well.

i - am - exhausted

and israel's 61st birthday is nigh!

i keep forgetting just how much exercise i'm getting moving all my stuff. it's constant weight training between all the unpacking and sorting, and i'm beat. i just passed out for an hour, but i'm not sure that that's enough to hold me for a night of serious partying...

and party we shall ;)

i couldn't help myself [find my comment]: wired's article on the guidestones forced my hand. i'm now a big fan of the commissioners, and convinced that it's a large group of enlightened individuals who are *gasp* trying to do some good.

it's MINE! all MINE! MWUHAHAHA!

an internet connection of my very own. SWEET!

still no sound, and selling a couch online is a bitch. the morning was quite boring, although it was nice to shave in my own bathroom :)

the israeli/arab service experience

when i spoke to the movers yesterday and asked if i could move in the evening, they told me "absolutely not, the only time we have is 4 to 5", so i signed on a day's vacation and left the base early, because the army doesn't show mercy towards normal people.

obviously, when they eventually arrived at 7.35pm i was pleased. i'll be fair, the guy almost seemed apologetic, they were quite efficient and it wasn't their fault that the larger of the sofas won't get through the door - still, i think it was unreasonable to have the two arabs pushing me for a tip afterwards, especially when the cost of the move was CLEARLY a lot higher than it should have been. and the nasty girl i spoke to on the phone was trying desperately to wheedle ever last cent out of me because she caught a whiff of my accent.

a real class act. unfortunately, no worse than the others.

at least i got stuff done in the afternoon - two sabuda pop-ups and a new toilet, umm, thing (the top bit what flushes) and i had time to vacuum the bedroom i've vacated. once the movers were gone, i fiddled a bit and then went to the ceremony, running into a dutch friend and a couple of the ski-trip girls. it was i good ceremony, but long and we're all complaining of sore feet.

so now i have to find a buyer for the big couch, i'm on my last transport mission for the night and i have no pc until tomorrow.

at least i'm sleeping under my own roof!

disconnecting pc

long day - i slept through the night but not well. i did manage to walk out in a good mood - it's funny, but now that i've screwed things up i'm totally relaxed, all the shit that's been driving me beserk for the last very long time seems to have dissipated.

is it all about attitude? i think so. is it a pity that i've been caring so much for so long? definitely.

can't go back. time to move on.

i cannot tell a lie

(story of my life, but here i'm referring to a specific instance in time), i'm actually quite thrilled about moving tomorrow!

long, slow, steady

as if the day went by in a dream, i'm not healthy yet and i didn't have any coffee, the work was either mindless or bottomless and i have the strangest sense that i've taken myself outside of the picture that is my office.

the ceremony for the base's fallen soldiers was pretty and the singers were fantastic, and the pre-ceremony dinner's laughter was raucous and spiritually cleansing: or at least it would have been if it hadn't been us laughing about "wear your boss to work" day...

i've organized the primary move to take place tomorrow, and i have to admit to a *NEED* to be there already. and the washing machine and fridge will follow me on friday :)

again with the insomnia?!

i'm trying bitter chocolate and comics this time. i'm still running simulations in my head, but they're a lot less freaky than they've been the past couple of days.

i think i'm getting the current situation through my head. now for some sleep! before i wake up again at stupid o'clock!

even smiling a little

i've finally gotten over the initial shock and horror, and begun to think a little more rationally about the whole thing: well, i'm still screwed, but it's not the end of the world. i even managed to laugh with karnaf about it over coffee (i had to get out of the house), and i've done a few more lifts across to the pad and written down phone numbers for movers tomorrow.

i'm now going to have another shower (it's not the moving so much as the pre-move dusting), and then hit the sack for another glorious early morning in uniform.

i've been thinking that there's very little hopeful that i've been writing about, and maybe that'll be a part of the change i feel coming. as i sat with one of ze germans this evening, we discussed that - it's a period of transition for a lot of us right now. let's see which way the wind blows.

speaking to mommy

it always helps :)

i'm almost back to normal, if a bit tired, and i've been doing a bit of moving (item by item sort of thing). i would've showered there if i had a towel-rail installed :P

got a bit of fire back in me after watching some of the woodstock documentary's director's cut - i don't know if it's different from the other version, but seeing that many happy people always brightens things a bit.

today's morbid poetry corner

[sponsored the the word "state"]

entity of the state
from being an entity of the state
all porcelain, shading my true fate
becoming an enemy of that self-same state
a sludged-concrete vassal, to direct its hate

from years of keeping still and sighing
aeons hiding my sanity
i've come out and shot myself
i'll pay now for my vanity

i'm drawn like a fly
into their grey feast
they let me eat myself alive
they wait and watch
with eyes gleaming like ice
to be hung up, torn up, and drunk
by the mad, blind beast

ugly state
i don't quite feel like smiling
not right now, not today
neither do i feel like rhyming
i just gave my whole world away

all was bright, now no longer shining
my whole new soul sold out and iced
my head deep down into the fray
signing off on my decline
wasting a decade sacrificed

deep in desperate hour of ire
and all because i could refuse
to keep my promise to myself
to be honest and remain a liar

i'm feeling a bit better

but the damage is done. i think it's just the most unfortunate and unnecessary thing i've ever allowed to happen to myself.

the shelf fit, and the shower installation went more or less successfully - i should be able to use it within the next few hours, and now i'm fretting over getting the rest of the move completed.

in the meanwhile, i'm not completely healthy yet so i'm going back to bed.

sleepless

i've been tossing and turning since yesterday's post, unable to focus on anything but wednesday's folly. i'm unable to listen to music, but i've had yael deckelbaum's mr hyde running through my head non-stop.

i did get up in the evening, to go to the pad and wait for the builder to bring over the counter-top, and i've just got up now to go to the hardware store to pick up a shelf and then deal with the shower installation.

i should be happy about these things, but i'm worrying instead. it's not helping.

how sick?

so it turns out i am sick, and have probably been so since sometime last week - although this one was the kicker. i don't know if that excuses my completely irrational behaviour yesterday or not. i don't think it does.

i spent a couple of hours with the city council this morning compiling a formal request for a building permit. i understand less than half of what i managed to read, but fortunately the assigned engineer and the cute russian girl at the info desk formed a helpful team.

requesting a building permit is expensive.

i had the presence of mind to go to the city officer and seek medical attention, at least. i'm back home with a sick day, and about to crash.

a rare smile

yael deckelbaum made me smile - a terrific performance filled with magic. i did have to sit down every now and again because i felt faint, which brings me to a theory i have about this morning's downfall:

either i was sick, which would explain my completely screwed up and confused reaction, or i've actually managed to worry myself sick in the aftermath.

regardless of which, i've most definitely lost my appetite and everything i've done today was as if through a hazy wall of stress.

i'm surprisingly good at dealing with that, strangely.

after coming home and consulting with an oracle, i went out for dinner with a few section-mates which turned out really nice, although it's always awkward seeing bt's boyfriend (singer's love) and he works at the restaurant where we sat.

back to the concert: best closing song ever (using a bullhorn), they played the thank you's, maya playing the cello like a guitar, mind-blowing psychedelic sounds, and all-round good fun. oh, yeah, and a really interesting outfit :)

back to reality: going to shower and hopefully sleep before fighting with the city council over building permits. and try to get the poem that attacked me on my way in to sit still so i can write it down.

still freaking out

i can't stop. i've potentially ruined everything i've done for the past nine years. i can think of a number of possible outcomes, but it's the greatest moment of confusion i've ever experienced.

and disappointment in myself. phenomenal.

bad call

i am dizzy and disorientated. today i did the first thing that i truly regret, the dumbest thing that i have ever done in my entire life.

i cannot explain, not even to myself, how i did something so pathetically stupid - all i know is that i've changed the game i'm playing dramatically.

i'm actually having difficulty breathing. i'll deal with whatever comes my way, but i really could've played my cards better than i did.

i do feel that my clock is ticking.

off to test my impulses

i keep forgetting to charge my phone :S

i came across animations by don hertzfeldt this morning, and it's phenomenal! absolute genius, stupidly talented - and they expected a whore?! love it!

pa's thought for the day

(inspired by this penny-arcade comic)
vin diesel tied to a chair in a sealed plexiglass cube, with the dm able to safely run the game without fear of [immediate] reprisal.

of course it's possible to take it to a more physical level with someone that tough: when vin's character encounters rats, rats are tipped into the cube - same with water, receiving lashes, that sort of thing.

i think having him join acquisitions incorporated would be neat.

holocaust memorial day

we had a ceremony at the end of the day, and were told a story by a survivor whose father had abandoned her in order to save her and in doing so committed her to four years akin to pre-fagin oliver twist's (note the antithetical anti-semitism) - a fate far more desirable than that of the rest of her family.

i took a couple of battery cells to be disposed of this morning, and in my other hand was carrying one working one for the clock at the pad. i managed to lose that working one at some point on my 150m journey. suck.

nystire was on an honesty mission today, so when he forgot something and reminded me later, he harrassed me until i agreed to send an update to our SC and project manager informing them that he'd made a boo-boo. right after that, i got a phone call inviting me to undergo the polygraph test tomorrow instead of in a couple of weeks' time. i jumped at the chance :)

i tried organizing the shower again, and as soon as i got irritated (same woman from yesterday) she got helpful, so apparently they're coming to install it on friday. then i finally got hold of the guys responsible for delivering my fridge and washing machine: as she started telling me that they "ran out of the model i ordered and would replace it with" i got aggressive, but once she stopped me she explained that that means an upgrade, same product with slightly better specs. i'll have to deal with it.

the old, giant project came back to bite me in the arse twice today, apparently we haven't heard the end of it :S

we got to discussing my personal childbearing project over the first cup of coffee this morning, and although hilarity ensued there was a general consensus that it's a valid direction to take even if instituting something so radical is fantastically complex. and politically incorrect, but necessary none the less.

i managed the day on less coffee! i did buy marshmallows, but that doesn't count, does it? and i still have plenty of peanut butter left ^_^

sign language: i brought a transrater to help me explain what i need from the sign guy. even he got irritated, and that frustration was nothing compared to watching the man trying to count to 15. that took over a minute - i kid you not. eventually we were on the same wavelength, and when i finally got hold of the others to make a final decision they confused the issue and tomorrow we're going to have to start over O_o

i tried to get hold of another copy of robert sabuda - alice's adventures in wonderland but they're all sold out. as in, i can't even order off his website any more. damn.
i've just made a big move - all my serious military gear - and fairly soon the heavy lifting will be done! wheeeee!

elizabeth gilbert: a different way to think about creative genius is along the same lines of the stuff i'm reading in james hillman - re-visioning psychology, and it was a pleasure to watch.

aaand speaking of repressed memories...

... the film student i had over for coffee yesterday evening asked me if i had any ideas for a conflict-based short, and i was suddenly struck by an interesting idea this morning. i blame it entirely on the influence of the mockumentary from last night.

it's done in the 40's style, about a loser therapist who has a crisis of conscience after years of "treating" patients, but instead of helping them get well he's been deliberately making sure that they'll keep coming back by playing on their neuroses.

i hope he likes the idea, if not - it was fun to think about it :)

an immediate repressed memory resurfacing?

how the hell did that slip my mind?!

i spent a long time on the phone with the city council today, trying to figure out how one verifies the legality of one's roof. every person i spoke to knew exactly who to pass me on to, and i learned all manner of useless things before finally getting through to the guy on the swing in the first room, who refused to help me.

and all this transpired with the background tones of a woman informing me that i've reached the people who are going to do their utmost to provide the very best service imaginable.

eventually, i made an appointment with an arbitrary segment of the chain in the hope that personally torturing myself by hopping physically from office to office will prove more fruitful.

it certainly can't prove less...

*BOUNCE* *CRASH* too much caffeine?

the good news: my mail's begun arriving at the pad - and there's enough space in the mailbox that i don't have to go to the post office to pick up my copy of wired! neat!

i suffered from carcolepsy this morning, and was drowsy until lunchtime. the only reason that my situation improved was because i had another energy drink after my second cup of coffee. this is getting out of hand.

i finally had the talk with the unit commander, he was completely understanding and had even remembered what we talked about a few months ago. i'm impressed, and i'm not signing.

i was inspired today to consider taking university courses next academic year. random, fun ones.

it's now holocaust memorial day... not a fun one.

electric sheep: i can totally identify with the sentiment

from nystire: i'd want a couple of these

4 hours later...

... and i'm feeling way worse waking up now. i think i'm allergic to putting on my uniform.

h=>p-d

seriously, when you're completely exhausted you shouldn't be waking up around 2am having pizza nightmares about shelves not fitting. heartburn?! you've got to be kidding!

a short lie into the future

okay, so i'm hitting the hay now, i got stuck into watching the second part of the metallica mockumentary, and i have to admit to having been sucked in by the last fifteen minutes. they actually started behaving like a band, and if it weren't for my original complaint still holding*, i'd probably be listening to the st. anger album right now.

*YAWN*

* when i first sampled a few songs off the album, i was horrified by the tinny drum sound. it still bothers me enough that i won't listen to any of it.

misfiled complaints

yeah, and i totally forgot about lunch, which was absolutely disgusting. i called to complain, and after describing each vaguely identifiable foodstuff (in rather impolite terms) i was asked "do you usually eat in the mess hall? i mean, is what you've described worse than usual?"

i think my standards need to come down a little.

naaah. i just need to get back to the real world.

this morning was rough, and got rougher as the day stretched on. i was broken. after lunch i felt even worse, and i tried closing my eyes for a bit but i started feeling faint... ugly, painful, and people around me still expected me to participate. after an energy drink (kosher for passover, and for some reason tasted that way: everything tasted funny today), i began the slow ascent to functional and by the end of the day had actually done some work.

i slept a bit more on the shuttle home, stopped by the hardware store to pick up nails and headed to the pad to hang pictures. on the way i ran into an old friend from my first base, and i could actually offer the man coffee (! ^_^ !) and we chatted until the person he was supposed to meet rocked up. then i continued with the hanging: aside from stabbing myself while extracting a misplaced nail and then accidentally smearing blood on the wall (good stuff i had the paint ready!), i managed a fairly decent job of the smaller items and the overall effect is phenomenal!

i'm really pleased ^_^

now i'm going to shower and hit the hay early. i'm buggered.

just horrible

after a weekend filled with serious physical exertion, a late night with too much to drink before the first early wake-up in well over a week is NOT a good idea.

i feel horrible.

footsore

i am totally broken - my legs are in *pain*, and i am very, very tired.

i not only waited for almost an hour to be first in line (meeting a very cute girl and amazing her with my minicards) but i actually managed to make ma'ayan hirshbein's show too! i only caught about half an hour, but it was incredible - really dark and beautiful, and both she and the guy who was supporting her (i don't know what the instrument is called) are terrifically talented and fun to watch ^_^
i didn't really enjoy the videos of her, but from her live performance i'm sold!

then i walked back to the barbie to see red band live: surreal and hysterically funny, these guys are mind-blowing! i'm really glad that i got to see them perform, as it was their last show. their covers of white rabbit and the boxer were particularly inspiring.

a little to drink

i quite needed it after today's unpleasantness. aside from that, it was an awesome day: it began with a lot of moving, and before i left for the other side of town i discovered the abominable charles christopher (absolutely amazing artwork), psyshop (two purchases), and the player vs player series dvd is available (so i bought it).

i added a bit more to my canvas, replaced the buzzer's name-tag with my personal logo, and my pad is looking brilliant! i've even sorted out my media, and almost all the books are across. it's kinda weird: i've been saying for ages that i don't have enough space, and now that everything's laid out i can see why!

mindbending proof

i've unwittingly proved myself to myself, and am actually sorry for doing so in spite of the fact that i *should* be feeling self-satisfied.

and that brought to a close something that hadn't begun.

aw man

i just woke up to the most annoying revelation: i made a bad purchase. the cupboard that i bought for my bedroom wasn't supposed to be for hanging clothes, it was meant to have compartments for shirts and underwear and so on... i've just been browsing through the ikea site, and from the looks of things there aren't any shelf mods for the specific model.

that sucks.

oh, well. i'm going to just start moving across anyway :/

post-magical mystery tour

it was awesome - those guys are really, really good!

my feet and legs are killing me, it was so hot inside that i was sure i was going to faint. i'm definitely going to bed soon... just as soon as i finish the bag of crisps while massaging my feet on the old server on the floor :P

pre-magical mystery tour

i could almost hear my feet hiss as i took off my shoes - my whole body is strained from constructing all my furniture in one go. i must say i'm mighty impressed with myself - and even more so with my apartment, which is beginning to look inhabited :)

on the way back home i sat down with lake and her very pretty friend for a few minutes - she's got a speech in store for me but it wasn't the right time. i told her to morse me when she's ready.

i'm hitting the shower - i'm all dusty and sore - and then heading off to hear a beatles cover band.

walked out

that was a serious bit of marching, and all for nought... i missed the walk and nobody here at the destination knows anything about it. swak.

colourful morning

what a difference using an easle makes! i had some time while waiting for the ikea dudes to arrive, so i got stuck in to a canvas i haven't touched since i sketched on it almost a year ago, and i had such a good time playing on my little patio that i was almost disappointed when my furniture arrived.

but i wasn't really disappointed. i put together the drawers first - which *are* strong enough to handle my weight, and then came here to coffeeholic for breakfast before heading out to try and catch up with yael deckelbaum as she meanders around tel aviv.

no videos at 3am?

this really sucks, my flatmates are hogging all the bandwidth.

i really enjoyed the sushi earlier, i met a nice girl who could be replacing me, and went to a celebration that involved rather a lot of alcohol. songbird and a friend of hers gave me a ride home, stopping on the way for sushi... like i'd say no.

thank you ikea!

not only did i miraculously manage to not pass out (i was on the way from crowd / shopping overload), but i found salted liquorice! and aside from one cupboard i got everything i need, so i'm feeling successful AND i got some hardcore weight training.

the only thing that sucks: there's apparently a 99% chance that i'll receive my items tonight or tomorrow... but if i don't they'll just return it and i'll have to come and do the whole thing again.

cheap delivery

i am totally bombed, but i'm off to ikea soon so i'm just going to have to deal with it.
i'm very proud of myself - while half asleep, i spoke to the builder and sorted almost everything out (i *just* remembered that i forgot to discuss replacing the asbestos). he's even willing to install the kitchen counter of an evening, which makes life much easier :)

don't dig the harbour

the arsim were on full form tonight, the place was packed with them and they were chasing and beating each other with bottles.

as for our team, those of us who pitched had a great time laughing and shouting about the course - and driving the waitress crazy was an added bonus :)

earlier: mmf and his wife weren't home, so i made a few missions transporting discs and things to the new pad and made a list of furniture off the ikea website that i'm planning on going to go buy tomorrow.

winded out

i'm still feeling wiped out; i woke up around 11am, shaved off the scraggy beard and walked to the beach for frisbee, but the wind came up and we joined karnaf and a couple of friends of his for breakfast instead.

i picked up a beer on the way home, and sat sipping it while watching the first part of metallica - some kind of monster: what a sad story :/ [like, sad as in "pathetic"]

something reminded me to rip my yael deckelbaum disc, i haven't even listened to it since i bought it - and now i'm off to wake up mmf and browse the ikea catalogue.

almost back to normal

the rest of the afternoon was very relaxed, i continued to read re-visioning psychology and we walked to ru55's to pick up the car we'd left there in the morning. i ate dinner with SxS's family, and his sister (who'd been in the same high school as me in johannesburg) reminded me of all sorts of funny things about my final year -
* spraypainting the vice-principal's car
* bogwashing the gangster (and fighting in general)
* my favourite math teacher (who everyone thought i was sleeping with)
* being dressed up as a nazi to test the costume's effectiveness for the school play
* opening the firehose on everyone leaving an assembly

that was an interesting year :P

i've been informed across the board that the quote i got yesterday is completely off the wall, and it looks like i'll be joining mmf and his wife in a shopping trip to ikea soon :)

we visited ze germans, and had an awkward moment: i'm not bothered by friends' saliva. i'm not talking about cups of it, i'm talking about consuming something that's been licked. maybe it's my hippie background, maybe it's the military background, but i don't worry about other people's germs unless i have good reason to. is that really so weird?

a few of us congregated at yogi's for poker - yes, i promised i wouldn't try anymore. but i seem to have gotten myself more or less together, and not only did i cover two buy-ins, but i walked away with NIS 130 on top of them. and that was after throwing away five or six HUGE hands that i really should have taken but was playing too tight to chance.

i'm very proud of myself.

mmf, his wife, grootbek and i came back to tel aviv together and shared a cab home, and i'm now about to crash: i hope i have enough energy for frisbee in the morning, because i'm exhausted right now.

cupcakes online*

here comes a long phone post: i'm going to share a secret about myself and phone-posting - the hardest thing for me is forcing lowercase at the beginning of each sentence :P

i went easle shopping after posting yesterday, stopping outside the strip mall to talk to my mum about all sorts of serious things. i was surprised to hear news of my younger sister, who - as it turns out - *is* still alive, and i'm sorry to say is still making a good case of what a greedy idiot our brother is**.

i carried home the easle (feeling mighty good about finding one for a fifth of the price of the ones at my favourite art store), checked my mail and found the quote from the builder for all the cupboards: i was absolutely blown away. i hadn't even been thinking in the same ballpark, the numbers were just completely outside of my current budget. i won't lie, that upset me and my plans very much.

i heard that ru55 was coming past tel aviv and going shopping, so i packed quickly and hopped off to meet him. after eating with SxS and his cousin, we went to home centre, where i disappointedly decided on a temporary storage solution which i'll buy when i get back home.

we rejoined SxS and his cousin and missioned off to watch the sunset from the cliffs in herzeliya - we missed the event itself but we enjoyed a very pretty and peaceful twilight.

it was one of those evenings, spent contemplating our last stand as a species and feeling sad that we all tie ourselves up with the day to day grind or relatively petty problems that we can't ignore, but that distract from a much bigger purpose.
it's depressing to think about how the human world works, because it doesn't. we're ruining ourselves because we simply don't know any better, because "it's in our nature", and i can't help but liken that (possibly completely unfairly) to a state wherein most of the people on the planet can see the end coming and can do nothing but wait, either for our surprise salvation or our demise.

but god helps those who help themselves.

i cannot comprehend how all my friends manage to dedicate so much time to the wii, improving their mario karting to such a ridiculous extent! i've missed out on something huge gaming-wise, but that's a choice that i made. i find it interesting that i've become so non-competitive in general the last few years, almost like i've got nothing i need to prove. i wonder if that's not an unhealthy state to be in.

we spent a couple of hours milling about ra'anana, talking shop and the future and discovering new parks (this city is practically one giant park), and then returned to call it a night.

i suffer from a lack of perspective. a really stupid lack for someone who's mostly living the good life (time at work not included) and hasn't got a lot to worry about for the near-future.

it suddenly dawned on me that my constant stress and agitation derives primarily from my attitude that the world should meet my expectations, that those expectations (of myself included) are always unrealistically high, and that it's extremely likely that this is learned behaviour from both my father (attitude: i suddenly remembered his eulogy that his elder brother gave about his expectations) and my mother (achievement: having it impressed upon me that anything is indeed possible***).
i wondered if that's a manifesting symptom (like literalism, ocd, social disorder, anxiety) of asperger's syndrome, and at some point (like, when i'm released from service) i'm going to have to be properly evaluated just to satisfy my curiosity.

i slept until 2.30pm, and i'm counting that as an achievement.

* those cupcakes are STILL great, and it suddenly occurred to me that they need to be made available as facebook gifts.

** she needs financial aid, our brother schemed his way into full control of the inheritance and she's being taken care of almost as little as the rest of us.

*** and i'm right now wearing a shirt that states "everything is possible". funny, that.

the answer to everything

i spent another couple of hours online before going to bed - something re-inspired me and i sat faffing around with a traditional c problem. then i woke up a few hours later and started playing with SDL again, which has actually been kinda fun :)

now i've been in front of the monitor for way too long, so i'm going shopping.

remind me

i just remembered a moment where SxS and i were waiting for a traffic light to change and a car drove past with a cute girl hanging out the window screaming my name and waving at me. i wish i knew who it was.

i have placed the order for the shower. apparently the price i paid for the floor wasn't so steep after all.

i wonder how the interviewing of potential flatmate replacements went. i'm very glad i remembered to clean up just before i left.

i had to make a list of kosher restaurants in tel aviv for someone, and it's a very short list. this is one of the reasons i live here :)

for the past week or so i've been irked by a really shoddy tagging of an electricity box on my new street: it's a badly-drawn penis. i was planning on spraying over it tonight: converting it to an alien, or a dinosaur, or at the very least a well-drawn penis, but at 2.15am there were simply too many neighbours sitting around on balconies and chatting.

kosher for passover sandwiches - not bad, but the "bread" sucked. independance day was great; mario kart went better than usual.

fishy fear

i have a paralyzing fear of sharks. it's an odd thing to be worrying about when i'm so very far away from any real danger. maybe my amygdala is psychotically bored.

unrelated, i think maybe i should find a way to somehow derive enjoyment from the highly-stressed state in which i more often than not find myself. like, maybe i need to just accept that state of wild anxiety as "normal" for me.

they're driving me demented!

israelis are the most inefficient pedestrians - i can't bring myself to relax and enjoy the perambulatory challenges that they pose and i made the stupid mistake (after promising myself last time that i'd never make it again) of entering shenkin on a holiday. as if there were *any* chance of making it through without cursing.

the day began very relaxed, until i decided to take on the weight training of carrying most of my books over to my pad in a single box: my arms are still hurting. i'm now sitting in dizengof center waiting for my poster to be mounted, and then i'm going to leave this monsterous mass of mall people and try to calm down.

and the news on the shower front is that i'm going to have to deal with an 80x80 shower. oh, well.

up later than 8am!

fantastic!

advice: be more human
my favourite dilbert: green clothing
legal downloading boom in sweden

so i'm caught up on comics, and i'm ready for breakfast because i have nothing else to do. at least, nothing else that i have to do right now :)

keeping a stiff upper neck

or a tender one. doesn't matter.

from a note on questionable content i downloaded röyksopp - junior: an extremely cool and fun album!

aside from spring cleaning my playlist and trashing a lot of good music that i just don't listen to, i watched the pilot episode of the sarah connor chronicles and passed out listening to streamed ambient, which was louder than i realized and i missed a message that would've enabled me to actually get out of bed.

instead, i'm awake at 3.33am.

slow mover

i slept four and a half hours, and completely appreciate ted's closing statement in s04e19 of how i met your mother. after a quick breakfast and watching this is spinal tap, i moved some stuff to the pad, but then realized that moving now is silly as i have another month to get everything out of here and my storage there isn't sorted out yet.

i mean, i'll move stuff anyway, but there's definitely no rush.

i'm glad to see that the paint job i did yesterday is good. big decision for the next few days: to mount or frame my penny arcade poster.

i love the idea of random, anonymous chatting, but i won't be participating.

peevs: i didn't see this coming.

i'm listening right now to godspeed you black emperor! - F♯A♯∞, and it is mind-blowing.

wind blows, as porsches pass me by

no, really - we need to do a party like that *weekly*, it was awesome and intense and cleansing.

i'm taking a slow, picturesque walk home, snapping photos of arbitrary things and discovering that some israelis *do* abuse their sports cars - even the cops have packed up and gone home by now.

not that much better

but the frisbee was really, really good. after a great breakfast at movie-ing post-game, i came back to pass out. now off to a tool party. this should be awesome. and being in an alternative (read: sickly) state of mind can only make things more interesting :P

wrong again

no, the shower base wasn't installed today. in fact, nothing got done today. except for a serious quotation session, and i did use the hour or two... or three... to paint the skirting. so it wasn't a complete waste.

i arrived at the apartment at 8.30, ready to go, but it took the guys until 11.15 to finally arrive. they brought in all the gear (heavy gear), and began... and then stopped. there's a problem with the height of the shower base, the floor's got a slight gradient and they wouldn't be doing me any favours by doing a half a job.

so sunday i'll get a full quote for a complete job, and if i'm not happy i'll just have to go with 80x80 instead of 85x90 (turns out that 90cm in one of the directions is simply not possible - bummer).

the kitchen cupboard is a loss, and i'm actually glad that we caught it falling down because it shouldn't have been up there in the first place - i'm being taught the basics of all these professions now, and the only good solution is to add another counter across from the existing one. in short, my kitchen's going to look different, but i'll have a surface for my gas plate and things will be tidier.

the asbestos roof wasn't removed either; the builder's friend is more up-to-date than he is and we require municipal authorization.

we discussed all the storage possibilities - they both liked my pyramid bookshelf solution, and the bookshelf room separation.
i feel horrible about having been ripped off by the guy who came to lay the floors.

the breakfast corner is going to be awesome. mmf's wife's suggestion was inspired!

so after much talking and measuring, and laughter, i did some quick weekend shopping and am now going to spend some time with the gimp. then i'll probably take a nap. i like holidays, and i'm feeling a little bit better.

sleep demon

according to my mother, the answer to the previous question is in the affirmative.

uh, oh.

i spent a large part of the day sleeping, and would've slept even more were it not for the incentive of frisbee with the gang and some of the most delicious cake i've ever tasted.
i suffered from crazy nightmares about the course i did last year :(
i tried reading some more of james hillman - re-visioning psychology but every read of the same few sentences got me drifting off into daydreams.

oh, and ilovecupcakes cupcakes are fantastic!

we went with yogi to ramat hasharon, where i played with the bunny. they have a bunny! after a bit of consideration, i wouldn't take one as a pet. it's not fair to leave an animal alone in a cage all day.

i finished watching the battlestar galactica miniseries (for the second time, i couldn't remember it at all) and i've been frustrated by facebook's repeated "upload failed" only after processing the last photo, and am about to crash in preparation for tomorrow's excitement: the shower base is being installed!

ZZZZZ!

what is oxymetazoline hydrochloride and can one overdose on it?

after such a busy and successful day yesterday, i caught the bus with the worst suspension i've ever experienced (admittedly, this was brought to my attention by the poor cupcakes that were being battered around [oh, no!]) to ra'anana.

the passover meal was magnificent, and the ceremonial bits were fun and didn't take too long (without shortcuts!), but the combination of too much good food and sinus troubles took me to bed instead of going out with SxS and ru55 to visit ze germans.
a pity.

at 6am my alarm brought me out of my dreamy reverie in abject terror, i'd forgotten to disable it for the holidays and it's effective as hell (chris tucker's "ZZZZZ!" from the fifth element) :S

now i'm going back to sleep, a little concerned about a sinus headache but more exhausted than anything else: and SO glad to be on holiday!

busy, busy bee

i sorted out the mail problem with the post office manager, then went back again with the poster: i found the price and quality i was looking for at dizengoff center, and dropped it off with instructions.

from there i walked to allenby to see if i could find oversized, decorative hippie-style patterns to use as curtains: i was all over the place until eventually i had to get the bus, and right next to the station (i'd walked past it on the other side of the road) was just the place i was looking for.

i didn't have time to actually buy them, i hopped aboard and met up with that girl that shadowslight's mum was hyping (we ran into her and her boyfriend a couple of weeks ago) for a cup of coffee after she was so kind to deliver kosher-for-passover cupcakes ^_^

i dropped off the cupcakes at home, then walked back again to pick up the poster and a guitar stand and bus them back to my apartment. the poster looks so good now that it's finally, years later, framed.

i bought a bottle of rum and some glasses, did some shopping (running into spot's mom on the way - that was a bit awkward. no, make that a lot awkward), and have been playing with fonts and the gimp in a sad attempt to get the sign for my door sorted out. that's gonna take a while.

and now i'm off to ra'anana: happy passover! חג שמח!

back in black!

i just managed to rescue myself from entering the red fairly deeply, and so i'm a bit relieved. i just got back from missioning all around tel aviv looking for framers - i started at 8am, forgetting that they all open at 10am. i don't know what's wrong with me.

lake is ignoring me. i'm disappointed.

the post office has a very interesting method of verification: i handed them a whole bunch of envelopes telling them that they weren't for us, and now they've sent them all back to me to have me indicate that the mail really doesn't belong to me.
brilliant.

now waiting for cupcake delivery.

a short jump later

i've sniffled while watching some more of the battlestar galactica miniseries, and been blown away by vitaly alexius. now it's time to shut my eyes.

here's a sigh for being on holiday

bad painting, first coffee in-house, nose still running

my old boss called me, we haven't spoken in so long he didn't know that i've left the worst period of my life behind

pop-up alice's adventures in wonderland: i brought it into the office for show-and-tell, and after being sniggered at for my childishness i opened it up and wowed almost everyone. some of the idiots were adamant that it's for children, i'm certain that they're going to remain losers for the rest of their meaningless lives.

shreddings: i asked if the shreddings are recycled (after we had to lug many bags, half of which split because stuffing thin plastic with heavy things always seems like such a good idea) and discovered that nobody knows... and nobody cares. i'm trying to pursue further enquiry, but i'm feeling rather alone.

excel: excelled. i've automated a whole bunch of interesting conversions and i'm hoping for a chance to automate the entire process that's being translated before i have to begin the huge workload that was offloaded on me at the end of the day.

talk to convince: i've been invited to a friendly attempt at coercion discussion with the unit commander regarding my decision to stop signing. my attitude wasn't altered by the end of the day: the idiot indian guy in our section explaining to me that i shouldn't be frustrated by the unhelpful response to my formal complaint because she's doing her job very well and attentively.

still feeling that loneliness.

poster shock x2
i hurriedly carried off my giant poster of cape town to the framers, and discovered that i'd confused two shops and had forgotten to set a reminder that i can only go in the morning. on my way back, i stopped at coffeeholic (the guy working was shocked to see me in uniform, he doesn't understand how i can be so cool and have signed on) for a parisian beef croissant (inspired!) and a half an hour browsing the paper over coffee (nothing interesting, we've run out of water and nobody cares - and our ministers are completely unqualified as usual) while constantly reminding myself not to leave the poster behind.

the weirdest thing, i just noticed that when i pull open my front door from the inside, the door to the patio shakes. i don't know if that's anything to worry about.

it was 8.14pm, and i'd just begun typing up this post when i wrote the word "poster" and suddenly realized that i couldn't recall taking the poster from the coffee stand :/
after much cursing, laughing, and wondering at my friendly flatmate's complete lack of verbal skills (i explained what i was laughing about, and she gazed at me blankly and drawled "poster?"), i frantically retraced my steps.

i'm very glad that i stopped by my apartment first, because i'd carried it there on autopilot. on the plus side of things, i ran into my neighbour (the one whose performance i missed on friday) outside and went to his apartment to chat and be introduced to phenomenal music (i've borrowed quite a lot: poet and the roots - dread beat an'blood, the afghan whigs - black love, leftfield - leftism, morphine - the night, the afghan whigs - gentlemen, jeff buckley - grace, ben harper - the will to live, godspeed you black emperor! - F♯A♯∞).

while there, i received a phone-call from my previous TL: just before he left today, he came past my desk with cash in hand to inform me that he was buying the book off me for his daughters. he called to tell me that they were all in a state of wonderment and ecstasy, and that totally made my day ^_^

i've showered, and hung out my laundry... i think i'm going to go to bed soon. this stuffiness is tiring.

unbreathable

i am completely wiped out.

this morning's episode had me weary, i haven't been able to breathe comfortably and it was going to be a long day at work. i learned excel functions today.

i bought acceptable speakers for the new apartment (until i'm ready to move my current setup), the sound is good and i've been outside to check and could barely hear anything ^_^
i know where i can get posters framed close to home, i've made a bunch of important purchases (like a bucket, and thick, comfy bathroom carpets) and even painted a little.

i also got my watch battery replaced, that was something that's been in the pipeline a long time.

the current internal debate is whether to crash immediately or watch something first.

this take on master of orion is great, link provided by three panel soul: and this questionable content is a cute tribute.

morning surprise hold

if i'd been told before 7 that i'd only be picked up at 7.50, then instead of dropping off the paint and rushing to catch a bus to stand for half an hour i could've actually painted a bit and found a place to sit. i'm feeling a bit better than yesterday, but still weak enough that waiting at the station is torture.

i wish i knew what woke me at 3am, i couldn't get back to sleep afterwards :(

trudging to bed

so, like, maya boskila is not the sharpest knife in the drawer: and i now have absolute confirmation that not watching big brother has been good for me.

i met up with SxS and ru55 for coffee, and we then paid mmf and his wife a visit, which is where i was introduced to the fake drama of the not-very-glitterati. pathetic.

i was happening trouble breathing, so i came home to crash - i bought some goodies for my pad, so i moved them over along with the first of the big posters (bladerunner), and am now definitely ready for bed.

yet another reminder of my not leaving too soon - bad timing over water-usage, horrible shared net access, and random things are falling apart. it's like this apartment wants me to get the hell out of here. and i'm not putting up a fight.

today was killer

killer bad. i felt horrible, quite wobbly, and it wasn't a particularly successful one.

i mean, some of it was okay, but an hour of squicking from one of the guys from my desert team and barely being able to breathe didn't make it fun. high-milk-content chocolate nougat and cake was worth compiling the health issues, though.

i've bought hand-towels and a kettle for my new pad, and have just come back from acquiring bright acrylic colours and a spare brush. and yael deckelbaum's album ^_^

i called up lake to thank her for the invitation and let her know that i'll be spending passover with SxS, and she threw me a telephonic ball-breaker that led to a really uncomfortable conversation. i guess she's a lot deeper into us than i am :/

happy birthday tel aviv!

here's to another 100! it was crazy out there.

SxS and i had brunch / dinner with karnaf, and then SxS, ru55, mmf and his wife came to see my apartment - all impressed, with a number of interesting suggestions :)

my neck is buggered from the frisbee, and i'm concerned about being sick. i just came home to shower, now i'm off to our irish friend's place to deliver a couple of chairs so that the guys can play poker.

i can't wait to put on my uniform again in the morning :S

two too many

i'm completely exhausted and it could be from multiple beers and brilliant frisbee. this was instead of watching a movie after i sent my mom a couple of bookshelf ideas for approval.

every time i walk into my apartment i'm more impressed by just how sweet it is ^_^

i was reading a weekend newspaper magazine over lunch, and was startled to find an article listing 50 ways for israelis to improve their lives by becoming more polite and considerate - i swear i could've authored that one!

it's gonna be 2nd breakfast time soon :)

drifting off

i got to the show on time, but it began an hour late. i left just as the band was getting ready to get on stage, and i had to run to catch the last bus :/

i met up with SxS, his cousin and ru55 in a park, we chatted for a bit before dropping ru55 off at home - i gave his fiancée a birthday present that she absolutely loved: i didn't realize i was the only one to get her a serious gift, though :$

dinner was amazing: we all ate way too much and after such a long day i've been passing out constantly since. we went off to mmf's place, where yogi, grootbek and our irish friend joined us, and i crashed on the couch while they all watched or played poker. now i'm going to get some real sleep because the last couple of days have really taken it out of me!

oh, and i spoke to my mom and finally admitted (i was asked not to tell, but i can't keep secrets from my mommy) that i'm not going to the kibbutz for passover after all - our cousin and her husband are separating. that leaves me with a couple of choices, and what i really want to do is find out who of my friends aren't celebrating and do the big meal in the style i referred to the other day.

post-lunch

the job's done, and beautifully (except for two panels that we were short), and i have an extended list of small fixes for the builder. i went straight off for breakfast, where i had an interesting chat with the woman who sat next to me and lake the other night.

i cam back to find my postbox adorned with a demo disc of dani gilboa with an invitation to his show in half an hour. gotta pack quickly so i can get there on time, it's a neighbourhood event :)

i don't make them

rule: don't listen to the painter. i really should've gotten him to paint the skirting.

rule: parquet is an absolute MUST. the difference is astounding!

rule: bring in an electrician who's not only from the same neighbourhood, but also happens to be his building's caretaker and familiar with all the laws. our caretaker is now dealing with the grounding.

rule: explain to non-city folk that parking is not to be sneezed at. poor guy took half an hour to find a parking 10 minutes away and he had plenty of stuff to carry.

rule: take advantage of the builder's unfortunate sudden inability to arrive to explore other methods to employ him. i've just discovered a really annoying wiring issue.

rule: if you're planning on buying a squeaky bathtub duck, buy more than one.

i'm taking this opportunity to congratulate myself on taking great measurements for the parquet, and to remand myself for not taking piping into account for the panelling (i'm glad he had an extra of an acceptable finish).

blame it on the pretzel

we passed inspection yesterday with flying colours - not too surprising considering that we spent 3 days preparing for it...

i got to do something useful before going home, but i've been despondent and suffering a severe sense of hopelessness and pointlessness every time i sit in front of my computer so it doesn't count for too much.

apropos the altercation, it wasn't unpleasant but it wasn't good either. it was only late last night and after much irritation that i finally decided to just take whatever comes of the paint / tile / panel story and deal with anything i don't like later.

and i did *so* want things to be right first shot.

i went to lake's last night for coffee, and woke up there this morning. she really upset me and pushed a whole bunch of buttons, and i'm beginning to realize just how bad i've become at letting myself enjoy life. i know i overthink and care too much about all the wrong things, that i can't focus on anything unless i'm wallowing and that even when i can remove the mask i don't because i'm afraid that i'll forget to put it back on.

i have got to start repeating the bill hicks mantra: it's just a ride. just because i'm sacrificing doesn't mean i have to suppress *everything*.

so there's this pretzel shop on dizengof, and i couldn't deny the awesome attractive power of the caramel and almond.
oh, and i bought myself a copy of the alice's adventures in wonderland pop-up :)

and spoke to a man about future space prospects.

instead of typing this on my computer i've been standing a block away waiting for the hardware store to open, but i just remembered that in all the excitement of being hooked up to the net i forgot to brush my teeth.

*enters the elevator*

rushing off again

i'm wondering how the technician will take the news that i don't have a computer in my apartment.

reality check - it's not just the swedes that are in trouble

ability to express myself: 0

this is a direct translation from the hebrew expression that's been defining my communication skills for the last while. and tonight i got slapped with a shocker: the painter and i had a serious miscommunication (to be fair, in both directions) that resulted in his thinking that he had finished the job and in my disappointment in discovering that we have different ideas of the meaning of the word "clean".

at least karnaf's builder friend isn't worried.

i started getting frustrated at work, but my TL hit upon a really good idea to improve our current readability situation, which gives me hope. nystire introduced me to the wonders of bluetooth networking and zombie last supper, which i'm planning on printing onto wood for my front door.

three of us went to a fair, i bought a washing machine, a fridge and a microwave (the last of which needed to be carried on the bus). on the way we got caught up arguing over just how much of a difference is made by eating during perambulation... i think i'll stick to my less superstitious views.

i'm exhausted, i think after showering and sorting papers i'm going to pass out. i don't like the idea that tomorrow's going to begin with an unpleasant altercation. although maybe it'll be fine?

on an earthy matter

i cannot grasp this one - how could it be that someone fixed the building's pipes and DIDN'T sort out the grounding *at all*?!

just another issue. at least i know about it.

i'm having trouble finding cardboard boxes for the move. and the man with the ducks doesn't commit to opening his store at the listed times. and the girl at the checkout and a cute girl on the bus flirted with me - i'd suspect a good hair day if i had any.

i've been thinking about how to approach the guys about the electronic recycling: the only metaphor that comes to mind is that of a man relieving himself on someone else's desk, and then a friend of his coming to his defence by saying that he didn't know better, and at least he's stopped licking it up afterwards.

that's pretty vulgar, but a fairly good approximation of the attitude. i can't wait to get back to my office.

post-celebration

that was great sushi, and it was nice to have a good saki partner :)
great coffee afterwards, too. i love this city, and i really enjoy lake's company.

and i'm still really excited about my apartment. i'm praying things keep looking up!