bad call

i am dizzy and disorientated. today i did the first thing that i truly regret, the dumbest thing that i have ever done in my entire life.

i cannot explain, not even to myself, how i did something so pathetically stupid - all i know is that i've changed the game i'm playing dramatically.

i'm actually having difficulty breathing. i'll deal with whatever comes my way, but i really could've played my cards better than i did.

i do feel that my clock is ticking.