burnout grossout

 friday:

getting mr smear's foot checked out took about two hours, but was mostly pleasant (we played inscryption together while waiting until my laptop's battery died). it turned out to be just another sprain (same place), so they bound his foot and sent us home.

as soon as we arrived home, i was sent out again to pick up wine and ice cream for dinner, and considering how tired and sore i was feeling and how miserable the weather was, i was not thrilled.

the remainder of the afternoon was spent resting. by the time we were ready to head out to our friends for dinner i was feeling alright, so i didn't think i was being irresponsible, but as we arrived my throat started a thing - no coughing fits, thankfully, but i still feel a bit guilty.

regardless, we had a really nice evening, even if it proved impossible to get mr smear to eat anything. dinner was great, the adults had a good time and the kids had a good time, and eventually we returned home and turned in in good spirits.

yesterday:

i slept alright, but woke up feeling properly sick (hence the guilt). it was another miserable, wet day, and i alternated between flitting in and out of consciousness while watching stuff (specifically cowboy bebop, delicious in dungeon, and pluto) and beating inscryption again (at this point the story mode really isn't much of a challenge, i think it's just become a comforting thing to do).

i did try for a bit to help mr smear with main assembly, and i've arrived at the conclusion that every other player has - it's a game with great potential, but it's abandoned and broken and it's not going to get any better. that's just sad.

...

i had a conversation with gd last night about where i'm at / where i've been for a long time, but specifically now while i'm on two week's leave and feeling sick. i've been burned out but highly functioning for a very, very long time, and that's made it very difficult for me to relax and not have a perpetual sense of anxiety about all the things i'm not doing or want to do. intellectually, i'm very happy to be doing nothing, but in practice i'm constantly feeling either over-stimulated or under-stimulated. i can't concentrate if i'm not doing multiple things, but i also can't concentrate because i'm doing multiple things...

today:

getting mr smear to school wasn't as hard as it could have been, and i hope he's playing nicely with others (to wit, his teachers).

the weather is still miserable, so i've been in boots since taking mr smear to school - i'm now sitting at a nice little coffee shop where our calvin & hobbes books were finally delivered to, and very soon i'll be on my way back home for a conversation with my previous employer's insurance broker that i'm pretty confident will be a total waste of time.