the snap

 this morning started alright, but went downhill fast from the moment i looked at our upcoming expenses. i know where they come from, and i know why they're necessary, and it doesn't help me breathe any easier.

i went past the hospital to start organizing insurance authorization for gd, and then past an office depot where i picked her up a small book of plastic sleeves.

the work day seemed to start off alright, but by lunchtime we had some drama about what my ticket is all about, and i struggled to communicate with my boss. the afternoon was a mixed bag of agreements and disagreements, and then in the evening my boss and i had a one-on-one which went... not badly, but not great either.

i think we covered all the things in a constructive way, but one thing that he said to me has really made me feel shit and i've been down in the dumps all evening: i said something to my coworker the other night that was taken completely the wrong way, and i can't fault him for taking it that way even though it's absolutely not what i intended.

fuck.

ironically, after all the arguments of the day, my boss finally sat down and looked at what i was doing, and finally understood what i'd been trying to explain to him.

*sigh*

anyway, it looks like my approach might work, but i have some big testing to do tomorrow.

i wallowed all the way home, had a not-unpleasant evening (or, at least, nothing further unpleasant happened), mr smear (who seems to have had a good day) is now in bed, most of the dishes are done, and i'm feeling utterly done for the day.

oh, and gd found her headphones this afternoon.

oh, and both gd and i need root canals and crowns, apparently, and we can't afford the dental work.

oh, and along with everything else we're in a really stressful situation regarding the war. or not-war. i feel like we missed an enormous opportunity to outright attack iran today, specifically because it was tisha b'av and they were threatening to attack us. i believe that strategically the worst thing we can do, and it's what we're doing, is listen to our allies telling us not to escalate. the west is making a big mistake, and every day we don't take them down is another day closer to doomsday.

...

gd's progressing really well with her sewing, at least. hopefully she'll be able to start selling stuff soon.