four

 four goddamned hours. i haven't been able to sleep. i don't think there's anything physical going on this time, but i've got a massive load of anxiety that's been making my head spin. some of it from the war, sure. i even wrote the following to sailor in response to him asking how we're doing:

you know that weird thing where people will stick with a shit situation rather than risk an unknown one? well, the unknown is literally all we have right now, a huge stinking pile of it. nobody has a clue what direction things are going in, never mind how they'll turn out, so i guess we're all just riding the abyss and praying we don't get swallowed while we're definitely already being swallowed.

someone i served with called it "warception", when you're in a war worrying about things escalating to a new war. even though we've been at war for 75 years already.

but a lot of it - according to the thoughts that have been attacking me mercilessly - to do with my coworkers' bullshit.

ugh.

i just want to rest.