unmeditation time

i wish i knew why my subconscious feels that 2am is the right time for wrestling with all the things that cause me anxiety. i've spent the past hour trying to get back to sleep - have i mentioned that i've been tired? - but instead i've been trapped in a dark and unconstructive loop dissecting the past week in context of the past four months, determining what went wrong, who's at fault, and where to go from here.

it's weird to be stressing so much after the week ended as well as it did. my workday yesterday was generally positive, taking mr smear to the temple for the first time in months was fun and highlighted just how much he's matured, dinner was nice, and playtime with his action figures was interesting because when megatron shot sideswipe we learned about the finality of death: mr smear was distressed, but has a new understanding of why the decepticons* are evil, and he recovered well once we established that our "game" had boundaries and that we could play again later.

* how is this not in my phone's default dictionary?

second night in a row reading alice in wonderland to him, and i was especially entertained when i realized that he'd fallen asleep with another book in his arms ^_^