turning

canada is magnificent when the leaves turn, and our timing couldn't have been better. the reds and oranges, yellows and greens and browns fluttering in the gentle breeze as the sun plays hide-and-seek provides a perfect backdrop for the metaphorical autumn that has settled over pg-and-me land.

it's one thing to fight, and another entirely to be thinking that maybe all is not as it should be. perhaps that's a normal part of fighting, but i wouldn't know. what i do know is that pg and i appear to have vastly differing concepts of what marriage is all about, especially concerning moving to a new country together.

yesterday afternoon ended on a bitter note, and although things have relaxed since then and a whole day that was thoroughly enjoyable has passed the issues are not resolved to my satisfaction. there is a distance that's sprung up, i strongly suspect that that's on me as a pre-emptive defence.

if we're not playing on the same team, then it doesn't matter what country we're in nor under what conditions.

---the play-by-play on the past two days is as exhausting as the days themselves.

yesterday: at least the early morning shopping experience was pleasant.

after painstakingly verifying that my testing environment was dysfunctional i sent a message to the head of development to see if that was a part of the test. it wasn't, in fact, and he sent me a patch that made things spring to life.

after the first of the unpleasantries of the day pg and i headed out to the botanical gardens, relying on google maps. whoever is responsible for the directions is an asshole: the botanical gardens are right across the road from the metro. instead we took a bus in the wrong direction, then another bus in the right one, hopped off two stops too late thinking that we'd cleverly stopped one early, walked in the bright sun all the way around the gardens to discover that the alternate entrance was a chained fence, took a bus back to the entrance (we'd guessed by then) and finally stepped inside.

the cafeteria options sucked. i didn't want soup, so i had what i suspect is the opposite of vegan (bacon, turkey and the least amount of cheese i could find). lunch was a serious downer in following with the walking in silence that'd gone before. that continued through a long, very long, incredibly long walk through the gardens. i marvelled at the beauty of it all (it really is magnificent) while simultaneously wallowing and reflecting on all the lows of our relationship. near the end of our visit pg informed me that she would be travelling the rest of canada alone. i'm not yet sure if she means it.

we caught the metro back to old montreal intending to visit the notre dame cathedral which was closed to visitors in what appears to be contravention of the times listed on the posters outside. so we sat down in an arbitrary convention center coffee shop and finally exchanged words in a fashion that could be considered a rational discussion.

we stopped off to buy a beautiful bouquet of flowers for my aunt, then returned home in time for me to discuss possible concerts with my cousin. and to check email: now the cto of my old company (in boston) wants me to come back, because i happen to be in canada. i explained to him that my residence on this side of the world depends on my employment so if he can't help me out with that first then there's not much i can do.

dinner was the most pleasant it's been since we arrived. afterwards i headed downtown to meet a friend and his wife who're passing through. we walked a long way to find a quiet place to sit and drink, and ended up with coffee instead of beer. my coffee was far larger than i'd expected. and strong too. i don't know why i finished it.

i was totally wired by the time we all said goodbye. i came home and worked on my employment test until 4am - it's really hard working without a development environment, so i'm building one. i put myself to bed when i realized that i had to be up in four hours.

---just before going to bed i checked my bank account.

oh.

shit.

the tickets here cost more than twice what i'd been led to believe. i can't understand how my cousin could tell me a number quite a bit less than the actual cost, and then reply in the affirmative to my shocked questions of "how much?", "including taxes?", and "for both of the tickets?!".

---today:

i woke up as high as i'd gone to bed. i jumped onto the computer and verified that my lack of success the night before was due to a typo and not a technical limitation, then prepped for the long drive to the countryside with everyone else.

once we got out of the city the scenery was absolutely stunning. the conversation with my aunt's friend ran from politics* to philosophy to biology and i was on top form, comfortably slamming my uncle's occasional bigotry with cold, hard reason** in the process.

* the birthright program to introduce foreign jews to israel is a good idea, but there's a guy here in canada who's had an even better one: bring non-jewish businessmen to meet and greet in the holy land. it's apparently already having a positive effect on ignorant anti-semitism. yes, all anti-semitism is ignorant, but i take rhetorical liberties sometimes.

** highlight example: the claim that homosexuality cannot be tolerated because it says so in the bible only requires one counter to shut it down: if you believe in that shit and you don't observe the sabbath according to the law then you should be very comfortable with being stoned to death.

we stopped at the mont-tremblant to mill around the ski resort (it was a great day for it, and i bought replacement lenses for my jawbones!), then carried on to the family-friends' apple farm for the pressing.

hah. apple jews.

the place was amazing, the food was delicious, my opinions were appreciated (there were literate hippies there!), the pressing was fun when i eventually got a turn and i was introduced to a guy who's got three kids working in aerospace and who's willing to put me in touch with them. sweet ^_^

through all of this, pg was with me but not with me. also, my legs really hurt from all the walking of the two days before.

the drive back was long, and when i wasn't passing out i was playing angry birds. the drizzle in montreal was a nice welcome home. dinner was great, i had a long chat with a friend from los angeles and then i settled in to break my head over more web development. i'll have to pick it up again in the morning.

even if i don't take the job, this little assignment is a matter of professional pride and it must be good.

---the metro chimes sound enough like the theme tune for egoli, plek van goud that i keep stepping out with it stuck in my head.