reflection

i got up yesterday morning and applied for a couple of jobs, called an inappropriate number (she kindly told me that they weren't the kind of people one just calls) and send my resume off to a couple of headhunters.

then i received an exciting email: a really cool company i contacted a few months ago, and who ignored me completely, seem rather enthusiastic about me physically being here and have invited me to an interview tomorrow. that means dressing nicely and familiarizing myself with their solutions. so far i'm impressed.

pg and i went shopping, and this time we were successful. she got a decent pair of walking shoes that actually fit her (this is a new concept) and i got myself a belt. now all i'm missing is a tie and the confidence of not being under-dressed. i suspect i might have to do more shopping tomorrow before the interview :/

dinner was early because today is yom kippur. being unable to repent in the now-traditional manner (tough uphills on rollerblades on the way out of jerusalem), i decided that checking out the community here was worth visiting a synagogue... it's been a few years.

1. my aunt and uncle left a few minutes earlier than they'd said, and so i wasn't ready when they left.
2. my cousin made an effort to be as late as possible, so we missed more than half the service.
3. shaving under my chin and dressing up in jacket and a tie was even more extreme than my efforts for the swiss wedding. while writing this, i've just been informed by my fashion-conscious aunt that aside from my trouser legs being too long i do clean up well, and so i'm a tad more confident about tomorrow's appearance.
4. it's a beautiful synagogue. at first i thought the acoustics were incredible, but later i realized that they were using microphones and speakers. i thought this was an orthodox community? weird.
5. the choir was really, really good. the cantor is an opera singer and the barmitzvah of the year's solo was astounding.

6. since my revelation i've been doing a postmodern reading of all religious texts and general criticism of traditional behaviour that i've come across. prayer, for instance, is an expression of desire that the entreating person then needs to realize. in a sense, i'm not praying for god to make my life better, but rather for the strength to do it myself; as far as the texts go, if i am made in god's image and i should strive to be as close to god as possible, then i should adopt the attributes of god. on yom kippur, we pray to a merciful, accepting and forgiving god, and we are supposed to learn from that that we ourselves should be so.

on the way back my cousin and i argued about arguing. his request that i "dumb it down" because discussing the nature of reality is boring surprised me (he asked me about my attitude towards religion and why i stopped), and after about five minutes i was simply stunned at his irrational mode of thought. it ended when i explained to him that the field in which i have established myself inquisitiveness, critical thinking and problem solving are of utmost importance and i not only can't turn it off, but i wouldn't want to.

i worry about what it is they're teaching kids in college these days.

we came home, chatted some more, and then i turned in with pg for the night. i woke up around 7.30am and spent an hour or two just lying in bed and pondering. i'm still fasting, only i'm not sure why. i can't stop thinking about how much of a non-issue it is for me; after all, it's only food and drink. one day? not the end of the world. as nystire just noted: it is easier to be observant outside of israel.