special forces

i almost forgot about this one: on the bus to work, i was approached by a soldier that i have had the displeasure of meeting in the past. he's one of the "special forces" that i constantly joke about... not very smart, has a crazy look in his eyes, has absolutely no social graces whatsoever, in addition to a tendecy to say completely rediculous and unfunny things.

he began asking me questions, to which i replied tersely, and as untruthfully as i could get away with. in order to throw him off, i began firing off questions back at him. questions that i knew would make him uncomfortable. unfortunately, this didn't get him to back off completely, which was the desired effect.

he was blocking the aisle. every time somebody tried to walk past, i had to tell him to let them through.

"why should i let them through?"
"because they have the right to choose where to stand."

a little later on, i hinted that we'd gotten to his stop.

"no, i'm going to get off at the next one. my bus goes in the opposite direction, and it's a long ride. i want to be able to sit."
"so does everyone. what difference does it make where you get on?"
"less people get on the bus at the next stop."
"so if the bus is full, do you get up for the elderly?"
"it depends."
"depends on what?"
"it depends on whether or not i got there first."
"so you're saying you don't get up for the elderly?"
"no. i'm doing my part for society. i don't need to."
"you're doing your part? i know what you do in the army. you're not helping anyone."
"are you saying that my unit doesn't do anything productive?"
"yes."
"oh. ok." - pause - "well, what about taxes?"
"you don't pay any taxes, you're in the army."

... brief discussion of why he should do positive things...

"so if i stand up for the elderly, then it's okay if i kick puppies?"

the problem with this one is that i have absolutely no clue as to whether or not he's serious. maybe he's just trying to be funny. but i promise you one thing - i was there. i'm not laughing.