drinks on wednesday night were fun, mostly spent screaming over the awesome music at each other: my teammates don't believe in the scientific method. after a long day and too much stout, i'm quite amazed that i was able to carry on a coherent argument in hebrew. it's a new high point for my linguistic capability. [as opposed to the new low point i expect when i arrive in south africa and try to communicate in english / afrikaans]
i was actually okay in the morning, and came in with a fine-tuned plan for my last day. that plan got shot to shit when we were called in for a two-hour talk on sexual harrassment (didn't we just have one of those?), wherein we made a successful and vocal argument for not paying attention and our commander closed the session with a joke: "why is a simulator like a vibrator?"...
the two girls sitting next to him simultaneously turned an interesting shade of mortified and we all scrambled to prevent him from carrying on.
after yet another chat regarding officer's course, we went off for lunch. i ran into the girl that interviewed me last week on the way to the mess hall.
at the end of the interview i told her i had prepared a list of questions for the magazine, the first being "why haven't i received my copy of last month's issue yet?"
she'd come to bring me my copy personally. isn't that sweet?
almost immediately afterwards our unit was called in to a giant rat-each-other-out session. everyone has to profile everyone else, and it wasted another two hours and gave me a headache.
i screwed up the bit about scoring everyone else - yes, that would be the majority of the peer-review. my mommy taught me that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. i may not adhere to that all the time, but i do when it's formal and written down somewhere.
so i marked a bunch of good scores as i saw fit (even that was difficult), and left the rest blank. i know it messes with the statistics, i know that nobody cares about who writes what, but i just can't bring myself to fill in the gaps in good conscience.
my TL took me aside and informed me that although i've been keeping much calmer, i'm still coming across as really aggressive and that i need to keep that in check.
in short: i need to work on my people skills.
my primary problem is that i don't really care about others' feelings because i am, myself, apathetic. it's hard to offend me unintentionally, and i assume that everyone else should feel the same.
i finished almost everything that remained on my reduced task list, and left with a dirty feeling of a job not completed and not well done. i don't like that feeling.
i had a quick reconciliatory chat with nystire on the way home, then stopped by singer's for a breezer and a massage. i put on buffalo springfield and closed my eyes for about an hour of pure, mindless bliss, then forced myself up and walked home, showered and passed out sinking into the enfolding embrace of my bed.
getting the stress and unhappiness of the last few weeks out of my head is a bit of a project, so i'm completely rationally sitting here wearing bunny ears and wondering what i need to organize before i fly.
Friday, March 07, 2008
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
fading away
horrible morning! after a couple of hours of scurrying around i got to see the doctor (obviously they called me in the very second i managed to nod off), and he literally just handed me my two scraps of "you're okay" paper and wished me a good day.
suck. all because there're a bunch of hyper-sensitive clods who panic and have breakdowns if their doctor hints at bad news over the phone.
"but they're not hurting anyone!", i hear you suggest, ever so politely.
yes, they are. they're hurting people like me.
the day sucked, filled with loads of bad luck and irritations. just when things finally seemed to be working out, something i was working on put its legs up in the air and died. [that's a metaphor, i don't work on anything that can actually think]
i forgot to mention yesterday that in darwin's watch terry pratchett makes a reference to an old judge dredd story... that was a totally random sweet moment for me :)
nin - ghost finally downloaded and it's really, really good.
i'm off to have a day-early weekend-closing drink with my co-workers, i hope i can open my eyes tomorrow morning.
suck. all because there're a bunch of hyper-sensitive clods who panic and have breakdowns if their doctor hints at bad news over the phone.
"but they're not hurting anyone!", i hear you suggest, ever so politely.
yes, they are. they're hurting people like me.
the day sucked, filled with loads of bad luck and irritations. just when things finally seemed to be working out, something i was working on put its legs up in the air and died. [that's a metaphor, i don't work on anything that can actually think]
i forgot to mention yesterday that in darwin's watch terry pratchett makes a reference to an old judge dredd story... that was a totally random sweet moment for me :)
nin - ghost finally downloaded and it's really, really good.
i'm off to have a day-early weekend-closing drink with my co-workers, i hope i can open my eyes tomorrow morning.
linear algebra: slow learner
headaches + dizziness + anguish + upset stomach
yep, i shouldna done that.
sammy and i went to the usual bar and ran into one of my previous teammates, who convinced me to go next door to the concert (after having a beer at the first bar, of course).
einav jackson cohen is really, really good. i think that's the first pianist i've heard in a concert setting, and her music and her lyrics are interesting and impressive.
i got home really late, slept badly, and i'm now taking my hangover to visit the clinic.
almost forgot... in the midst of a continuation of last week's conversation my SC managed to flip it around and pull out a trump card: an even flightier thing than the current one. i think it's the first time he's managed to get me excited about something.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
the short day
three calls and three different secretaries later, i finally managed to convince the clinic to give me the referral that i need for tomorrow's "we can't tell you over the phone" hospital visit. so that's a half-day to deal with the anticipated hangover ;)
disregarding some minor points that may or may not blow up in my face, i completed the vast majority of the work that's on my plate and got to do a bit of problem solving. and that's in spite of my project being sabotaged by an unidentified outsider during the night. we're good.
the weather's become rather summery - the walk to the train station this morning was actually very pleasant.
a guy in our unit found a way to make my workstation 50% more responsive, and the smooth experience afterwards chilled me out a bit.
the way home was most amusing as that cute welfare officer i met some time ago was on the bus with me, and i succeeded in ruffling her feathers in spite of her repeated attempts to get a rise out of me.
three - no, four (maybe even five, if i count the hangover dispensation) positive's in one day? it's been a while!
in another couple of hours i'm off with sammy for the usual, so in the meanwhile i think i'm going to take a walk and try to remember what i need to organize before leaving for cape town.
*AHEM*
before leaving for cape town.
disregarding some minor points that may or may not blow up in my face, i completed the vast majority of the work that's on my plate and got to do a bit of problem solving. and that's in spite of my project being sabotaged by an unidentified outsider during the night. we're good.
the weather's become rather summery - the walk to the train station this morning was actually very pleasant.
a guy in our unit found a way to make my workstation 50% more responsive, and the smooth experience afterwards chilled me out a bit.
the way home was most amusing as that cute welfare officer i met some time ago was on the bus with me, and i succeeded in ruffling her feathers in spite of her repeated attempts to get a rise out of me.
three - no, four (maybe even five, if i count the hangover dispensation) positive's in one day? it's been a while!
in another couple of hours i'm off with sammy for the usual, so in the meanwhile i think i'm going to take a walk and try to remember what i need to organize before leaving for cape town.
*AHEM*
before leaving for cape town.
2.5 days
nin - ghosts has just been released, i went for the $10 (alright, around $20 with shipping) 2-cd's 'cause i likes meatspace. i listened to a bit of it and decided that it's good enough that i'm not just pitching my show of support. i'd support him anyway, but i'm happier to get something out of the deal.
at least hear the guy out :)
2.5 days, and i got through them in two. a bit of sleep deprivation, nothing more coffee won't fix. the only issue that's problematic in a big way is nystire, and although i'm still shocked by him i'm beginning to feel more pity than distaste.
the thing that particularly gets my goat is that when i talk with him as i do with everyone else he takes offense and tells me to stop raising my voice. that my tone of voice upsets him. does he want me to sing when i speak?
i'm actually fairly surprised that he managed to survive his childhood, and i keep wondering if giving him a solid thumping every morning would give rise to an improvement.
speaking of violence, a bunch of us had one of those political arguments this morning, with one sad case going on about how we need to protect the enemy's women and children.
i've repeated myself on this topic on numerous occasions - we're human. we don't stop until we really understand the threat, and that goes for our enemies too.
we can't negotiate with our enemies, because if there were grounds for talking we'd have been sitting around a table ages ago. throughout history wars have been fought between people of opposing thoughts, and a war cannot be fought in a genteel manner.
war has an objective, and that objective is to break the enemy's will. you cannot break the enemy's will without hitting where it hurts, and hitting fighters who are already prepared to die (and in this case, only too happy to do so) really doesn't cut it. what will hurt them is a lack of drinking water, electricity (although we're still giggling at their lack of ability to fake a power-outage successfully), and safety for their women and children.
"ooh - such monstrous behaviour!" i hear you say. i understand the lack of sympathy for the poor sods in sderot, and the lack of sympathy for the big, bad israeli soldiers (poor kids just want to get the hell out of there), and i understand that the media forms your opinions so that you don't have to.
what i mostly understand is the convenience of sitting in an armchair and fantasizing about a world where violence is unnecessary, but this is not that world. the only way to reduce the bodycount (which hasn't been dropping in the last few months), is to bring the entire story to an end.
and a ceasefire won't do it. and taking out their chiefs won't do it. talking won't do it. excessive force will. pity we don't have the nuts. because until we begin to strike fear into their hearts, we're just eating rockets and trying to pretend that the problem will go away.
we're a little better than the americans, but not much. we really need to forget all this peace and brotherly love with our neighbours and get back with the program - there's a time to kill.
the secret came up at work today. my TL's a fan, and i'm kinda freaked out by this.
the first evidence that all is not as jack thompson claims. we all know he's a moron, and more importantly that he's wrong, but this sort of thing is a much better direction to move in.
dance dance revolution has some very serious fans!
Sunday, March 02, 2008
less than four
Dead Eye
Tiger, Tiger
Born in your cage
Neither space to run
Nor care to rage
Your face de-fanged
Your paws de-clawed
Only sighs escape your passive maw
Your meals are canned
Your eyes are glazed
The children pass you by unfazed.
Your limp belies that symmetry
That mortal hand and eye forgot
Treacherous denial fraught
With torment eternal, and all for naught
more like 3.5, and after a long weekend the day went by awkwardly. my TL came to the rescue in a big way, and we're actually back on schedule.
i did learn a good lesson in the morning: from now on i will no longer eat food acquired on base (with the exception of the mess hall). i'm convinced that the sandwich i had for breakfast was prepared by the guy at the store with malice a forethought.
Tiger, Tiger
Born in your cage
Neither space to run
Nor care to rage
Your face de-fanged
Your paws de-clawed
Only sighs escape your passive maw
Your meals are canned
Your eyes are glazed
The children pass you by unfazed.
Your limp belies that symmetry
That mortal hand and eye forgot
Treacherous denial fraught
With torment eternal, and all for naught
more like 3.5, and after a long weekend the day went by awkwardly. my TL came to the rescue in a big way, and we're actually back on schedule.
i did learn a good lesson in the morning: from now on i will no longer eat food acquired on base (with the exception of the mess hall). i'm convinced that the sandwich i had for breakfast was prepared by the guy at the store with malice a forethought.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
seize the ante
the day was great, but tiring. i got up at a reasonable time (a little after 8am), watched an episode of frasier that i could truly identify with, and then hopped in the car with my cousin and her daughter to go and visit her father.
there were some awkward moments as usual - like the fifth time i had to explain to him that i'd already finished matric (almost ten years ago!), but it was mostly pleasant. i was introduced to the abraham brothers' music on the drive to the flea market - even for flea markets that one sucked - and we then moved on to another cousin (siblings) way up north.
we had an excellent meal, fun chat and then the kids brought out tekken 3 - it's been a while since anyone's actually been interested in trying against me more than once ^_^
the bus ride back was interesting - it was pleasant because the windows were closed, and i spent it scribbling my death song: this quote has been hanging up on a wall wherever i've been since i left south africa, and it struck me as a good thing to have prepared.
i stopped by singer's on the way home for a breezer, and am now tucking in for four hours before my TL picks me up to get cracking on the week's work.
there were some awkward moments as usual - like the fifth time i had to explain to him that i'd already finished matric (almost ten years ago!), but it was mostly pleasant. i was introduced to the abraham brothers' music on the drive to the flea market - even for flea markets that one sucked - and we then moved on to another cousin (siblings) way up north.
we had an excellent meal, fun chat and then the kids brought out tekken 3 - it's been a while since anyone's actually been interested in trying against me more than once ^_^
the bus ride back was interesting - it was pleasant because the windows were closed, and i spent it scribbling my death song: this quote has been hanging up on a wall wherever i've been since i left south africa, and it struck me as a good thing to have prepared.
i stopped by singer's on the way home for a breezer, and am now tucking in for four hours before my TL picks me up to get cracking on the week's work.
Friday, February 29, 2008
for the day
occurences for the day:
i began the day watching a movie of a live performance of tool - the grudge. when i realized he was prepping for the final scream i zoned, and time just stopped for its duration. there's nothing like seeing the humanity behind the sound.
first order of the day: post-office power of attorney. it's simple, so the kid can pick up my parcels :)
second order of the day: shopping with the kid. it bothers me that he's still under the influence of the fantasy that real work can be done without documentation and without consequences. and that's in spite of him already paying for his crimes by having coworkers bombarding him with queries as to how his code works and why...
the bus ride to afula was alright - i'm completely into darwin's watch and it's just as good as the others. when i bought it i wondered how much he could possibly have to say on the subject, but i'm most of the way through and it's still interesting and fresh... and very amusing. classic terry pratchett, no disrespect to his co-authors intended.
the chocolate liqueurs that i brought from france for my cousins is dangerously high quality and filled with a lot of alcohol. and they have a beautiful merangue dessert in the oven, which means that my no-chocolate-low-sugar diet is taking a break for the weekend. on the whole i've been extremely good, and i know that there's no justification, but i really, really, really want to taste that merangue.
thought for the day:
there's still room for religion. it's the fundamental right of every human to explain the unknown with bullshit, and then to attempt to prove that bullshit.
however, once the steaming pile of exrement has been uncovered, the time has come to face the facts and move on to the next dungheap. we can systematically dump and clear out these turds until all our questions have been answered, while maintaining a meaningful world-view.
religion may be the opiate of the masses, but real opium use doesn't start wars, and it most certainly doesn't deny scientific thought and discovery.
penny arcade links for the day:
advanced marbles that i can play for ages
garfield minus garfield, or "jon arbuckle, sad sod"
jim davis tributes
i began the day watching a movie of a live performance of tool - the grudge. when i realized he was prepping for the final scream i zoned, and time just stopped for its duration. there's nothing like seeing the humanity behind the sound.
first order of the day: post-office power of attorney. it's simple, so the kid can pick up my parcels :)
second order of the day: shopping with the kid. it bothers me that he's still under the influence of the fantasy that real work can be done without documentation and without consequences. and that's in spite of him already paying for his crimes by having coworkers bombarding him with queries as to how his code works and why...
the bus ride to afula was alright - i'm completely into darwin's watch and it's just as good as the others. when i bought it i wondered how much he could possibly have to say on the subject, but i'm most of the way through and it's still interesting and fresh... and very amusing. classic terry pratchett, no disrespect to his co-authors intended.
the chocolate liqueurs that i brought from france for my cousins is dangerously high quality and filled with a lot of alcohol. and they have a beautiful merangue dessert in the oven, which means that my no-chocolate-low-sugar diet is taking a break for the weekend. on the whole i've been extremely good, and i know that there's no justification, but i really, really, really want to taste that merangue.
thought for the day:
there's still room for religion. it's the fundamental right of every human to explain the unknown with bullshit, and then to attempt to prove that bullshit.
however, once the steaming pile of exrement has been uncovered, the time has come to face the facts and move on to the next dungheap. we can systematically dump and clear out these turds until all our questions have been answered, while maintaining a meaningful world-view.
religion may be the opiate of the masses, but real opium use doesn't start wars, and it most certainly doesn't deny scientific thought and discovery.
penny arcade links for the day:
advanced marbles that i can play for ages
garfield minus garfield, or "jon arbuckle, sad sod"
jim davis tributes
good / bad / sad
good:
- arriving home to find the box set of the boondock saints on the counter
- a pleasant evening at hudna (נאHud)
- checking the dvds' post-transport condition and discovering that they're in perfect nick
- an entertaining magazine interview
bad / sad:
- shattering my SC's fantasies with a long explanation of why i'm not prepared to go to officer's course
- almost finishing what i had to do today, with my TL having to come in late to clean things up
i have this dark feeling about the coming week. i'm not happy.
- arriving home to find the box set of the boondock saints on the counter
- a pleasant evening at hudna (נאHud)
- checking the dvds' post-transport condition and discovering that they're in perfect nick
- an entertaining magazine interview
bad / sad:
- shattering my SC's fantasies with a long explanation of why i'm not prepared to go to officer's course
- almost finishing what i had to do today, with my TL having to come in late to clean things up
i have this dark feeling about the coming week. i'm not happy.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
whooo-weee
1) i'm going to bed.
2) i've had a long day.
3) i'm sick of israeli public transport.
4) i'm sick of being patronized and having to patronize.
one:
i'm completely exhausted. my brain took leave just as we locked up for the night.
two:
our work plan for the next week is, to summarize, to do the impossible. making good headway, but the general direction is towards aneurysm.
three:
finally going home, i stood by a stop that buses are supposed to pass once every fifteen minutes. i watched two pass in the other direction, evenly spaced over half an hour, before giving up and beginning to walk. obviously two minutes later the bus drove past.
if this had been a freak occurrence i might not have been so angry.
four:
our SC literally treats us like we're in pre-school. it's disturbing, from personal relationships to worrying about us getting home alright.
it drives me nuts that it seems that that method of dealing with us is what nystire needs. i'm really trying, but i just don't see how being gentle and patronizing fits into the workplace. i have a job to do, and it's not babysitting.
on the other hand, if that's what i have to do then that's what i'll do, but i can't fight the sheer disappointment i feel. how did we end up with an army that has such... no, that's not a nice word. and my mommy always told me that if i can't say anything nice...
it's been sitting in the back of my mind for a couple of days now. i've now three days in a row gone to the toilet with my jacket on, and the front has this sort of balloon affect that gives me insight into how it feels to be so fat as to lose sight of the big picture.
[that was an awkward thing to say]
i don't know at what point exactly someone with "a bit of a belly" crosses the line and blocks his view, but i can't understand anyone crossing that line and not immediately doing the anorexic thing to get into shape. not being able to see my penis at a natural angle would upset me no end.
a thought struck me this morning, an odd, contradictory sort of thought. if we're to extricate ourselves (and the americans themselves) from the current military and political stalemate we need to get war-happy.
we need to go back to the days when fighters were heroes, war was respected and the frontline soldiers were motivated.
here's the contradictory bit: getting them all enthusiastic but maintaining discipline. oh well... next.
i had a superb idea for a program that can write all my documents for me. i hope i get time to implement it...
my cousins managed to bring a smile to my face by sending me this link.
2) i've had a long day.
3) i'm sick of israeli public transport.
4) i'm sick of being patronized and having to patronize.
one:
i'm completely exhausted. my brain took leave just as we locked up for the night.
two:
our work plan for the next week is, to summarize, to do the impossible. making good headway, but the general direction is towards aneurysm.
three:
finally going home, i stood by a stop that buses are supposed to pass once every fifteen minutes. i watched two pass in the other direction, evenly spaced over half an hour, before giving up and beginning to walk. obviously two minutes later the bus drove past.
if this had been a freak occurrence i might not have been so angry.
four:
our SC literally treats us like we're in pre-school. it's disturbing, from personal relationships to worrying about us getting home alright.
it drives me nuts that it seems that that method of dealing with us is what nystire needs. i'm really trying, but i just don't see how being gentle and patronizing fits into the workplace. i have a job to do, and it's not babysitting.
on the other hand, if that's what i have to do then that's what i'll do, but i can't fight the sheer disappointment i feel. how did we end up with an army that has such... no, that's not a nice word. and my mommy always told me that if i can't say anything nice...
it's been sitting in the back of my mind for a couple of days now. i've now three days in a row gone to the toilet with my jacket on, and the front has this sort of balloon affect that gives me insight into how it feels to be so fat as to lose sight of the big picture.
[that was an awkward thing to say]
i don't know at what point exactly someone with "a bit of a belly" crosses the line and blocks his view, but i can't understand anyone crossing that line and not immediately doing the anorexic thing to get into shape. not being able to see my penis at a natural angle would upset me no end.
a thought struck me this morning, an odd, contradictory sort of thought. if we're to extricate ourselves (and the americans themselves) from the current military and political stalemate we need to get war-happy.
we need to go back to the days when fighters were heroes, war was respected and the frontline soldiers were motivated.
here's the contradictory bit: getting them all enthusiastic but maintaining discipline. oh well... next.
i had a superb idea for a program that can write all my documents for me. i hope i get time to implement it...
my cousins managed to bring a smile to my face by sending me this link.
a bit stirred
today was rough. a lot of things didn't go as planned, and in particular nystire did a great job of demonstrating all the qualities that one doesn't look for in a coworker. at some point i had to approach his commander in order to get a response to a simple question, and i made sure that my TL understands the situation so that if tomorrow's "chat" doesn't go well i'll at least have someone who understands.
i discovered this morning that there's a chance that if i go to officer's course i'll have to sign on a year more than planned... this is not something i can enter into lightly. i'm now trying to weigh the opportunity to walk out sane versus the opportunity to walk out with more army cred...
i spent too much time on the telephone with my commanders today.
after coming home and changing, sammy picked me up for our almost regular and much-needed alcohol hit. ta2 cheated and i ended up with a bit more than i could handle, so when i have to get up in a few hours' time things might prove unfortunately interesting.
it bothers me that i *had* to have a cigarette. the thought grosses me out now, but the last thing i want is to start "reminding myself" of why i stopped. that's not helpful.
*sigh*
at least my stress-ball's still smiling.
i discovered this morning that there's a chance that if i go to officer's course i'll have to sign on a year more than planned... this is not something i can enter into lightly. i'm now trying to weigh the opportunity to walk out sane versus the opportunity to walk out with more army cred...
i spent too much time on the telephone with my commanders today.
after coming home and changing, sammy picked me up for our almost regular and much-needed alcohol hit. ta2 cheated and i ended up with a bit more than i could handle, so when i have to get up in a few hours' time things might prove unfortunately interesting.
it bothers me that i *had* to have a cigarette. the thought grosses me out now, but the last thing i want is to start "reminding myself" of why i stopped. that's not helpful.
*sigh*
at least my stress-ball's still smiling.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
pre-shave
yesterday went a bit better than anticipated, but it was really, really tiring. the most interesting and unfortunate thing to occur was my forgetting to return the key to the coffee drawer, and that upset a lot of people (and rightly so).
the doctor removed my stitches yesterday. he called the original doctor names for using more stitches than required, and convinced me that i shouldn't defer the surgery to next year.
i'm exhausted just thinking about continuing this morning. and that's after getting plenty of sleep.
the doctor removed my stitches yesterday. he called the original doctor names for using more stitches than required, and convinced me that i shouldn't defer the surgery to next year.
i'm exhausted just thinking about continuing this morning. and that's after getting plenty of sleep.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
future black eyes
i'm SO proud of myself - on my way home i was wondering about the primary focus of my sketch yesterday, and i just scratched up the mock-up using the gimp and it came out gorgeous! ^_^
i'd post it but i'm keeping it under wraps until i've got something on canvas.
i worked hard the whole day, but i had to choose between two top-priority activities and one of them was sadly neglected. unfortunately that means i'm not as prepared for tomorrow as i need to be. which sucks. by 7pm i was too tired to go on, though.
i don't ever want to work with nystire again if i can help it. i don't know what his deal is, but his sulking from a while back has turned into something special in his attitude, and i really, really don't need that on top of the pressure i already have.
in fact, he was the only real cause for deep breathing today. the rest of the shit didn't get to me. i'm just gonna have to roll with the punches - at least i'm expecting them.
i almost stayed sugar / chocolate free today, after completing a full day yesterday. the only damage was serious though, nystire's commander brought in serious chocolate cake for her birthday. i just didn't have a chance.
i spoke to our SC about postponing my long-overdue surgery another year. i'm not sure i can mentally handle spending so much time in one year out of commission.
i've just been catching up on the bad astronomy blog:
more terran balls of dust: could it be? actual hope?
do scientists divide the heavens and the earth?
satellite destruction - pretty. not quite as intimidating as the chinese, though.
i'd post it but i'm keeping it under wraps until i've got something on canvas.
i worked hard the whole day, but i had to choose between two top-priority activities and one of them was sadly neglected. unfortunately that means i'm not as prepared for tomorrow as i need to be. which sucks. by 7pm i was too tired to go on, though.
i don't ever want to work with nystire again if i can help it. i don't know what his deal is, but his sulking from a while back has turned into something special in his attitude, and i really, really don't need that on top of the pressure i already have.
in fact, he was the only real cause for deep breathing today. the rest of the shit didn't get to me. i'm just gonna have to roll with the punches - at least i'm expecting them.
i almost stayed sugar / chocolate free today, after completing a full day yesterday. the only damage was serious though, nystire's commander brought in serious chocolate cake for her birthday. i just didn't have a chance.
i spoke to our SC about postponing my long-overdue surgery another year. i'm not sure i can mentally handle spending so much time in one year out of commission.
i've just been catching up on the bad astronomy blog:
more terran balls of dust: could it be? actual hope?
do scientists divide the heavens and the earth?
satellite destruction - pretty. not quite as intimidating as the chinese, though.
quick pre-bed blurt
the kid and i watched the golden compass, which is right up there with stardust: beautifully done, great story, i'm in.
afterwards i visited mmf, and aside from thoroughly enjoying this week's episode of israeli survivor, had an entertaining run-in with some friends of his and we got down to doing some planning for a project we're about to embark upon.
i really should've gone to bed instead of sitting online:
another penny-arcade must-have - NOT YET. i have to chill, i've got the shopping bug and bad.
animated battle pope. excellent :)
awww - so cute!
afterwards i visited mmf, and aside from thoroughly enjoying this week's episode of israeli survivor, had an entertaining run-in with some friends of his and we got down to doing some planning for a project we're about to embark upon.
i really should've gone to bed instead of sitting online:
another penny-arcade must-have - NOT YET. i have to chill, i've got the shopping bug and bad.
animated battle pope. excellent :)
awww - so cute!
Saturday, February 23, 2008
open university
after gaining a slightly broader insight into mechanical engineering, it looks like something i really would enjoy. so much so that i was even more disappointed by a personal chat with one of the secretariat who explained the absolute impossibility of studying part time in any way, shape or form by anyone.
at least i learned something.
the day was hot, so i stopped off at home to drop off my ski-jacket, walked to the art store to get a couple of canvases, acquired another smiley stress-ball and took a bus home. after shopping i crashed for an hour, then paid singer a visit while waiting for my cousins to pick me up.
dinner was really pleasant, the political discussion surprising: i expressed my view that the current policy in place by the americans and israelis apropos "rebuilding" and "preserving their way of life" is counter-productive and that the quickest way to stop the aggression with the least lives lost is to crush them completely and utterly and to keep pressing until they give up all hope and surrender.
surprising that this was met with approval, by people who until a few years back were hard-left and vocal. at least some people are beginning to wake up from the morality fantasy, even if it's not enough to make a real difference.
the food was good, but the strawberries and ice-cream dessert was irresistible (not able??), and the effects of the previous night's lasagne were compounded with interest. i was in pain the whole night, and i only began feeling better a couple of hours after waking up today :(
in spite of that, and better judgement, i went to the lizard for a techno party organized by the same guys as last time, and it was all good. the live performance that started up at 2.30am (live? live techno?) was really good, and i was really enjoying it, the vibe, the cute girls all over the place... but i wasn't too happy with people constantly brushing past or bumping into my stitches.
i decided to call it a night while there was still more good than bad, said goodbye, bitterly took a "friendly" slap on the back (on the stitches, precisely and fairly hard) from the idiot bartender, and walked home.
i guess i was walking strangely due to the constraints placed on me by abdominal pain, at some point i passed some girl and her boyfriend and i just happened to be putting my headphones into my ears. i try to maintain full situational awareness when in public, and just after i passed i looked right, out of the corner of my eye catching a glimpse of her launching into what appeared to be an amusing mimic as she followed in my wake.
she took fright and scurried back when she realized that i was staring at her without turning my head any further. that gave me an odd sense of satisfaction, especially odd as it generally bothers me that i make strangers feel uncomfortable.
at least i learned something.
the day was hot, so i stopped off at home to drop off my ski-jacket, walked to the art store to get a couple of canvases, acquired another smiley stress-ball and took a bus home. after shopping i crashed for an hour, then paid singer a visit while waiting for my cousins to pick me up.
dinner was really pleasant, the political discussion surprising: i expressed my view that the current policy in place by the americans and israelis apropos "rebuilding" and "preserving their way of life" is counter-productive and that the quickest way to stop the aggression with the least lives lost is to crush them completely and utterly and to keep pressing until they give up all hope and surrender.
surprising that this was met with approval, by people who until a few years back were hard-left and vocal. at least some people are beginning to wake up from the morality fantasy, even if it's not enough to make a real difference.
the food was good, but the strawberries and ice-cream dessert was irresistible (not able??), and the effects of the previous night's lasagne were compounded with interest. i was in pain the whole night, and i only began feeling better a couple of hours after waking up today :(
in spite of that, and better judgement, i went to the lizard for a techno party organized by the same guys as last time, and it was all good. the live performance that started up at 2.30am (live? live techno?) was really good, and i was really enjoying it, the vibe, the cute girls all over the place... but i wasn't too happy with people constantly brushing past or bumping into my stitches.
i decided to call it a night while there was still more good than bad, said goodbye, bitterly took a "friendly" slap on the back (on the stitches, precisely and fairly hard) from the idiot bartender, and walked home.
i guess i was walking strangely due to the constraints placed on me by abdominal pain, at some point i passed some girl and her boyfriend and i just happened to be putting my headphones into my ears. i try to maintain full situational awareness when in public, and just after i passed i looked right, out of the corner of my eye catching a glimpse of her launching into what appeared to be an amusing mimic as she followed in my wake.
she took fright and scurried back when she realized that i was staring at her without turning my head any further. that gave me an odd sense of satisfaction, especially odd as it generally bothers me that i make strangers feel uncomfortable.
fallen demons
i laugh at myself regularly because i get completely swept away by music and lyrics that i only vaguely understand... bitter laughter, because i've been perusing tool and a perfect circle lyrics for the past couple of hours and discovered how much i've missed.
maynard james keenan has been my favourite poet since i first paid attention to ænima, and a lot of the stuff has gone straight over my head.
the interview (oct 2001) was refreshing to read, the songs about his mother [judith, wings for marie and 10,000 days (wings part 2)] are far more powerful in context.
in response, i just had a page flow concerning my late* father's mortality, which i'm going to try to disguise / dress up a little before posting.
of course, the backwards bit from intension is genius.
and i've just ordered three of the music video dvds (parabola, schism and vicarious) from amazon... i had to.
i've finally sketched out what i described a few days ago, but i'm having an issue with symbolism. i don't want to (and can't) include anything that forms an example, but i need to describe a direction with my left hand that strays from any discernible destination. it's something that reflects me, and i have trouble drawing myself as i desire myself to be.
i have too many books i need to read (a few of which i've already begun), too many ideas that i want to ingratiate with canvas, too many movies to watch, too many useful and fun applications to code - too many distractions from the important task of meditating on my anima.
i have a feeling i'm going to continue to ignore myself, for a while at any rate.
*erm... as opposed to my other one?
maynard james keenan has been my favourite poet since i first paid attention to ænima, and a lot of the stuff has gone straight over my head.
the interview (oct 2001) was refreshing to read, the songs about his mother [judith, wings for marie and 10,000 days (wings part 2)] are far more powerful in context.
in response, i just had a page flow concerning my late* father's mortality, which i'm going to try to disguise / dress up a little before posting.
of course, the backwards bit from intension is genius.
and i've just ordered three of the music video dvds (parabola, schism and vicarious) from amazon... i had to.
i've finally sketched out what i described a few days ago, but i'm having an issue with symbolism. i don't want to (and can't) include anything that forms an example, but i need to describe a direction with my left hand that strays from any discernible destination. it's something that reflects me, and i have trouble drawing myself as i desire myself to be.
i have too many books i need to read (a few of which i've already begun), too many ideas that i want to ingratiate with canvas, too many movies to watch, too many useful and fun applications to code - too many distractions from the important task of meditating on my anima.
i have a feeling i'm going to continue to ignore myself, for a while at any rate.
*erm... as opposed to my other one?
Friday, February 22, 2008
high-low
a good start to the morning, that was! the rest of the day was sort of mediocre... i got a ride to base, and immediately set to work.
best army birthday ever: the kinder brought ice-cream cake for his birthday yesterday. not only did it provide lots of entertainment prior to eating (it was frozen solid), but was such a ridiculous concentration of chocolate and sugar that everyone got completely silly: with hilarious results :D
the primary focus of the day was Keeping Calm. it got to a point where every few minutes i was doing the lamaze thing; at one of my sighs my TL shouted across the division - "GOOD!" :P
so in spite of the general lack of cooperation from the person i'm working with, and the fact that i'm not nearly ready to meet my new deadlines, and windows' attempt to goad me into physically breaking something* i managed to get through the day in a relatively relaxed state and i think i may be able to get the hang of this.
i was thinking about the fight / flight thing: i don't think it holds unless there's an element of fear, so i don't know how i can test myself.
we had a team evening last night, we watched the prestige (more intense the second time) and ate lasagne - it was really good, worth the resulting ordeal. if i make a conscious decision to suffer a bit for something tasty, then i can deal with the consequences.
i'm off to tel aviv university with the kid for their open day.
* the window management is evil
best army birthday ever: the kinder brought ice-cream cake for his birthday yesterday. not only did it provide lots of entertainment prior to eating (it was frozen solid), but was such a ridiculous concentration of chocolate and sugar that everyone got completely silly: with hilarious results :D
the primary focus of the day was Keeping Calm. it got to a point where every few minutes i was doing the lamaze thing; at one of my sighs my TL shouted across the division - "GOOD!" :P
so in spite of the general lack of cooperation from the person i'm working with, and the fact that i'm not nearly ready to meet my new deadlines, and windows' attempt to goad me into physically breaking something* i managed to get through the day in a relatively relaxed state and i think i may be able to get the hang of this.
i was thinking about the fight / flight thing: i don't think it holds unless there's an element of fear, so i don't know how i can test myself.
we had a team evening last night, we watched the prestige (more intense the second time) and ate lasagne - it was really good, worth the resulting ordeal. if i make a conscious decision to suffer a bit for something tasty, then i can deal with the consequences.
i'm off to tel aviv university with the kid for their open day.
* the window management is evil
Thursday, February 21, 2008
bleeding moon
i actually managed to wake up at 5am, make hot chocolate, step outside and catch a glimpse of the lunar eclipse in its totality. it would have been more impressive if i hadn't been standing in the middle of a large and brightly-lit city, having to walk a bit to find a spot where i could see it between the buildings, but it was a fine sight nonetheless.
17 sleeps until i arrived in cape town! assuming that i don't pick up any bad habits along the way, of course :P
i can't find dead eye dick - new age girl.
why i love bunny
17 sleeps until i arrived in cape town! assuming that i don't pick up any bad habits along the way, of course :P
i can't find dead eye dick - new age girl.
why i love bunny
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
squeezing not helping
fortunately, somebody called me at 7.30am and woke me up, otherwise i would've been more than just an hour late. the headache was a bit harsh, but other than that i was relatively alright.
a few more problems occurred today, so not much progress made. i had a fight with someone over responsibility, which we managed to resolve eventually - but it wasn't pretty.
i was in a hurry and agitated in the evening, and my TL pointed out that i was being needlessly and unhelpfully stressed. i've been running this through my head for the last few hours, and ignoring the fact that it's the second time he's caught me out in two days, i think i need to refocus my general aggravation levels.
after pondering for a bit, i had a vision of myself sitting cross-legged and bound in chains to my past, pulling myself to the right with my work and to the left with my self-expression, trying to grip my long-term goals with my teeth but unable to release or be released by the other things to give me the flexibility to stretch...
i need to calm down, i need to let the things i cannot change be. and i need to figure out how to do this without ceasing to care, because the two concepts are pretty much polar opposites to me.
the lunar eclipse is beginning in another seven hours, so i think i'm gonna get some sleep and hopefully i'll wake up in time to catch some of it. i don't even know if i can see it from my neighbourhood.
a few more problems occurred today, so not much progress made. i had a fight with someone over responsibility, which we managed to resolve eventually - but it wasn't pretty.
i was in a hurry and agitated in the evening, and my TL pointed out that i was being needlessly and unhelpfully stressed. i've been running this through my head for the last few hours, and ignoring the fact that it's the second time he's caught me out in two days, i think i need to refocus my general aggravation levels.
after pondering for a bit, i had a vision of myself sitting cross-legged and bound in chains to my past, pulling myself to the right with my work and to the left with my self-expression, trying to grip my long-term goals with my teeth but unable to release or be released by the other things to give me the flexibility to stretch...
i need to calm down, i need to let the things i cannot change be. and i need to figure out how to do this without ceasing to care, because the two concepts are pretty much polar opposites to me.
the lunar eclipse is beginning in another seven hours, so i think i'm gonna get some sleep and hopefully i'll wake up in time to catch some of it. i don't even know if i can see it from my neighbourhood.
all about timing. coincidence? emergence?
awful day with no end of hassles.
one or two fun experiences, at least.
after lunch, i dropped a glass. i held my umbrella in my right hand (which was the direction in which the glass was going) and my left was too far away, and in addition to that the guy next to me was in the way.
my commander picked me out for freezing instead of catching it, and i'm still puzzling over whether i could somehow have found a way. maybe if i'd dropped the umbrella (which would entail pushing my strained wrist with odd angles) or switched stance and attempted to catch it backwards with my left hand.
i don't know. maybe. what bothered me more than anything was that he told me that it's the second time he's caught me freezing instead of reacting, and the reason it bothers me is because he might be right. i need to unlearn this behaviour immediately.
it doesn't matter what music you like, as long as you've listened to enough different music to form an opinion.
and your opinion can change.
there's simply nothing worse than listening to whatever's played on the radio, and then liking it just because it's familiar.
although i was exhausted and frustrated the whole day, i managed to extract something positive out of it towards the evening. i'll see tomorrow how positive. in any event, as soon as i got home i took immediate action and swiftly went out with sammy for some strong liquor.
it was a very pleasant evening, i even had a chat with the hot girl that vision made out with, and sammy and i unintentionally performed a full walkabout of south tel aviv while searching for food. the hostel that i stayed in once upon a time? gone. what an odd period of my life the end of that year was.
being in the right place at the right time is great; better than being in the right place at the wrong time. but even that's far better than being in the wrong place at the right time.
one or two fun experiences, at least.
after lunch, i dropped a glass. i held my umbrella in my right hand (which was the direction in which the glass was going) and my left was too far away, and in addition to that the guy next to me was in the way.
my commander picked me out for freezing instead of catching it, and i'm still puzzling over whether i could somehow have found a way. maybe if i'd dropped the umbrella (which would entail pushing my strained wrist with odd angles) or switched stance and attempted to catch it backwards with my left hand.
i don't know. maybe. what bothered me more than anything was that he told me that it's the second time he's caught me freezing instead of reacting, and the reason it bothers me is because he might be right. i need to unlearn this behaviour immediately.
it doesn't matter what music you like, as long as you've listened to enough different music to form an opinion.
and your opinion can change.
there's simply nothing worse than listening to whatever's played on the radio, and then liking it just because it's familiar.
although i was exhausted and frustrated the whole day, i managed to extract something positive out of it towards the evening. i'll see tomorrow how positive. in any event, as soon as i got home i took immediate action and swiftly went out with sammy for some strong liquor.
it was a very pleasant evening, i even had a chat with the hot girl that vision made out with, and sammy and i unintentionally performed a full walkabout of south tel aviv while searching for food. the hostel that i stayed in once upon a time? gone. what an odd period of my life the end of that year was.
being in the right place at the right time is great; better than being in the right place at the wrong time. but even that's far better than being in the wrong place at the right time.
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