*now* it's bedtime

buffalo boots were brilliant! that was a great show, their sound is great and their songs wonderful ^_^

and i didn't see it alone, i met up with a guy that i've known for ages and a couple of his friends, and we had tons to talk about until the show started. and to think i almost didn't go - i had a beer while watching two episodes of how i met your mother, and sorted some of my papers out, and by 9pm i was kinda ready for bed :P

HELL NO!!

you're not normal!

it's not just an israeli expression, right? because i don't really strive towards the life of a "normal" person. "normal" people do what they're told and keep their expectations low. "normal" people aren't adventurous, "normal" people don't avail themselves of the gifts their bodies, brains and surroundings have to offer.

but that's not true, is it? nobody that i know falls under the category of "normal", although that could just be because i choose my friends well. but i find it hard to believe that there are large numbers of people who seek a life of nothing.

the laws we operate under are screwed.
our education isn't good enough to bring us to a point where we can make grown-up decisions, so instead it teaches that we have no choices in life, that everything we do is in order to survive.

when i fulfil all my obligations to society, i demand freedom in return. with freedom comes responsibility, and that needs to work in reverse as well.

who makes all the laws?

s&m: stretch and massage

i kind-of managed the parties... i was really tired.

party 1:

it was an open tab, and i wanted to buy the first round... so the bartender closed the tab / didn't re-open the tab when i paid, causing trouble :S
one of songbird's friends is really cute, and although we sat next to each other we didn't really have much to talk about. i know i'm supposed to have a quill filled with trivia arrows, but although i have lots about lots to talk about i can never find the right thing. bummer.

travel between parties:

i closed my eyes on the shuttle, and got off a bit later than i should have. then i took a wrong turn (i'm used to walking in the other direction), but i was physically tired and walked slowly so when i realized my error i corrected before adding too much mileage. actually, slipping through some of the dodgier areas of tel aviv made me feel pretty good - it was like restoring a lost section of my soul ;)

party 2:

i was a bit confused when i arrived at the number i was looking for, the place has apparently been renamed - same pub as last time. i had a good time with lipgirl and friends, but as the hours wore on i got less and less enthusiastic (my body was failing me), and eventually i shuffled / shuttled home.

i woke up early this morning - i REALLY need those blinds installed :/
i was busy posting when i got a call telling me to go outside, and i rushed out to meet with the mongoose and a bunch of friends for a barbecue at a camping spot. the weather was iffy and the food sub-par, but the company was excellent and we had a great time :)

i've just arrived home and had a quick shower, now to do some laundry before lounging on the couch in preparation for tonight... buffalo boots are performing, and they sound really good!

james hillman - re-visioning psychology: i've mentioned a few times that i'm reading it, but i need to assert here that this is a Very Important Book, a must-read and a real eye-opener. i mentioned before that it's not perfect, but it's fantastically close.

i didn't know hardly wait was pj harvey's!

post-launch

damn! it feels so good to have been out there on wheels again!

after a serious 30km in the dusty heat, i'm sore all over, tired and having trouble breathing: i'm not sure if it's from all the dust, from the chilly breeze we had dinner in, or just from having exercised my lungs for the first time in forever :P

i hope i manage the parties tonight!

skidding

i put on my blades! and rolled on down to the donation point! and left some holy scripts on a big metal tin with a hole in the side for coins. i dropped a coin in, i think it's supposed to alleviate some sins.

the going was tough today, i stuck to the pavements because i refuse to wear a helmet and at some point i began hearing a strange, crackling sound from my back-left wheel. i headed on down to the skate-shop... only to discover that it's not the skate-shop. they sent me off to their other branch, which was some pretty heavy trekking, only they're no longer a skate-shop either!

weird.

so they sent me off to what is veritably the only one of its kind in tel aviv. unfortunately, i got lost in south tel aviv and it was a very curvy and uphill mission until i got there. oh, right - did i mention it's flippin' BOILING today? and dusty.

at least i found the place before i pegged. my wheel was torn down to the connecting strips and i was contemplating building a shrine to it... but then thought better of it. instead, i just got my new wheels - slidy! - and rested a bit while laughing along with the other guys when i discovered that the police have given up with the retarded helmet law.

so my way back was quick, breezy, a bit more dangerous than usual and on relatively decent roads. i'm now off to breakfast (pita and humus don't count) and then i think i'll join the friday group. with pads, because it's time to live a little ;)

i suffer from the involuntary "you too" a lot

@#$*)#@!!

i *HATE* the service in this country! SCREW ORANGE, SCREW THEIR DELIVERY SERVICE.

"no, sir - they're not late, they'll arrive between 9 and 1"
"and if they don't? i've just lost my whole friday waiting for this"
"hang on... oh, it appears that there's been a delivery problem. it won't be today"

i had a couple of really important things to do today that will now have to wait until monday, and i'm pissed.

on the verge of an exit

great - the technician cost a lot more money than i expected: you have to pay for the surge protector, the stone ionizer (reduces up to 98% of the stone intake! whatever.), and a trolley.

the trolley was the best investment, because the technician identified the pipe outlet so i gave it another shot with the coil... and promptly managed to create another small flood :S
the plumber said he'd try to come today.

oh, yeah - and i've connected the microwave, works beautifully :)

why do they tell me my phone will be delivered "between 9 and 12"? why should i get excited about alternate-universe possibilities?!

at least i've had an opportunity to get my router working. finally!
how, you may very well ask? well, i disabled the wireless module. and the firewall. now it's all good.

two minute masterpiece

okay, it's not a masterpiece, but i think it's pretty - does it count as art if it only took a few minutes to do? spray, spray, base lines, a few spots here and there... it was fun to do, i like the results, maybe all the rest is irrelevant :)

i keep switching around my plans for the day - i was going to start by the donations point, but it's now half an hour to "i need to be in the area for when the phone and technician rock up" (which could be until 12 - wonderful) so i'm thinking of doing all the long-distance missioning later and just tidying up and playing at home.

that seems... lazy :P

stupid troubles

dammit, i keep learning stuff the hard way. i made an embarrassingly silly mistake while testing a potential drainage solution (it didn't work), and in the middle of my shower had to rush to grab towels to soak up the water that had begun seeping everywhere.

especially under the washing machine. at least it hasn't been unpacked yet, hopefully tomorrow when the technician comes i'll get an opportunity to dry underneath :/

i didn't get around to the papers, but at least most of the stuff that was cluttering up my patio has been stored. and i even pulled down a fold-out chair from a previous tenant, which is fairly useful :)

i'm going to bed, but not before spending another few minutes making guitar noises. it's more fun when you have energy to burn...

over c'd

i'm actually shaking... i was so completely exhausted today that i could barely stand. i had strong coffee in the morning, but it wore off around lunchtime and the afternoon coffee didn't help, so i had another one. i was more or less functional by the end of the day. then i had a strong cup of coffee with the hardware store dude and the effect has been building up since.

let's count backwards:

• i just paused to eat and wash dishes - a great sandwich, and i'm so hyped up that it's almost as if the dishes did themselves.
• now that i have a decent ladder, i'm in the middle of moving things to the upper storage closet. once i'm done i'm going to need to sort out more papers - that's going to be less fun.
• the guy came to measure my windows for blinds. unfortunately, the cables for raising and lowering will dangle down the middle, because on either side there's a problem with the angles for locking and unlocking the mechanism :(
  but the blinds will be pretty :)
• i managed to read a bit on the way home - it's slow going because i'm tired and unfocused (in general, of late), but absolutely riveting stuff [james hillman - re-visioning psychology].
  
  i scratched something down as well:
  in my worldview obeying the law isn't really important, but being a good person with strong values, who takes responsibility for himself and the people who surround him while doing his utmost to make a positive difference in it is what matters.
  i am proud that i think for myself, and i'm proud of myself for managing to take care of myself while putting the rest of my species first.
• odd humorous bits for the day:
  nystire: "scantological" accidentally came out instead of "scatological"
  
  "how does one confused kylie minogue with a type of fish?" - i didn't have to say the first words that came to mind, we all got it. it stems from a couple of the guys thinking her surname is pronounced "minnow", which in hebrew is גסטרוסטאוס (gastrostauss, or something to that effect)
  
  telling one of the girls we'd buy her a white wall for her birthday: "if you're going to get me a wall, at least paint that blonde girl with the green dress on it - what's her name again?"
  two of us looked at each other quizzically, and the other guy looked at her and asked jokingly, "tinkerbell?"
  "yes! her!"
• some of the work today was interesting, most of it tedious. it was a tough day from the moment my alarm went off - not even the morning's fresh orange juice could fix that.

dammit - i can't catch the damn mosquito.

chemical burn

almost insignificant, i'm very glad that it hit my arm yesterday and nothing interesting. the shower i had yesterday was almost normal... there's still a block, but it now takes a minute or two to hit it.

i went shopping last night, and didn't buy bin bags because i wasn't 100% sure of the size. smart, huh? so i came back, measured, returned, bought, and came home to find that i'd measured wrong. it really is a pity one can't return opened bags.

i went to the laundromat after dinner... it was so comfortable in there, i was so tired, and the music i was listening to just knocked me out. i don't know for how long, but the washing was complete and there were others around by the time i came to. i'm glad they let me be, it may not have been enough but it was quality :)

just done the freshly-squeezed breakfast, now going to rush a shave and exit.

the other ninja scroll

why is the colour "radiant sea green" difficult to find online? i know the catalogue number is 583, but i don't know which catalogue.

i just bought and installed three מזוזות [mezuzot], so i'm feeling a bit "jewished out" :P

on the way back i witnessed a bus trying to push through a red light... the guy whose right of way it was put his car in front of the bus, jumped out and began kicking and beating the door while screaming hysterically and threatening the driver. i called it in, but the woman taking the report was getting carried away with interrogating me and in that time the guy's girlfriend managed shamefacedly to drag him back inside.

too much anger, and it's nothing but a symptom of the sick world we live in. aside from that, my whole way there and back i had a big smile on my face as all i could think of was "you have to be absolutely insane to not smile all the time". seriously, being miserable just isn't worth it, and it frightens me that i've been repeatedly losing focus and being down all the time. what a waste!

to quote chief tecumseh:

"give thanks for the food and the joy of living. if you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself."

disappointed

plumbing: i opened the external lid, and a can of worms: the water's almost up to the top. i'm uncomfortable with proceeding.

orange: i've been told i can ignore the automated threat that i received yesterday. they'd better be right.

papers! yay!

other papers: boo. a few weeks ago i sold myself down the river, and i just discovered that no technicalities will be able to pull me to the side... so i'm trying now for "stop that train, i wanna get off". it's not going to help, but it may be less stressful.

i just had the weirdest thought on the way back home, carrying my bright and funky sesame-street trash can filled with pretty cutlery and a birthday present [and all happy post-great service from a really cute girl], that in addition to all other factors, it's possible that the reason for my idiocy stems from finally beginning to actualize what everyone has been telling me to do for the last few years... to "slide". it's about not caring, and getting used to not caring, and that gets in your head.

and you don't really not care, you just stop fighting. that's not on. nobody can afford to do that.

you must be a genius!

i'm on my way to pick up papers and then sign others, after a rather unpleasant run-in with the bank manager. he was quite pissy. and the hardware store dude was unhappy with someone else, so i decided not to bother him until later.

i did find forrest gump waiting for me when i got home, though, and it's rather soothing in the background :)

my ex-team-mate proposed to his boyfriend in amsterdam a few days ago, and we all paid him a visit to sample fine dutch cheeses and exquisite chocolate while perusing absolutely phenomenal photos.

i was really fortunate to get a ride to base this morning, i'd completely forgotten to get organized last night. the workday was spent scratching my head over historical incompetence, dealing with a cthuloid comment-tree [sorry, had to].

i'm off to Do Stuff - it turns out that with a little [lot of] luck i can get home within an hour... at least it's a moment to breathe.

a few less

less people, a lot less people than i anticipated arrived this evening, and it was quite pleasant. a bit awkward, lots of friends who didn't interact much with each other, but there was munchkin and tekken and lots of oohing and aahing, noticably from the cute german girl who rocked up :)

and they made much less of a mess than i was worried about. only one spill (and we managed to catch most of it before it hit the parquet) and someone used the incense holder as an ashtray - all manageable.

the day itself was a bit different. a lot of it has been awkward because i can't tell my co-workers that anything interesting is happening in my life at the moment and the topic just keeps cropping up.

positives: lunch was good, a cute cadet was kind of flirty with me afterwards
negatives: Big Work Touble (after a quiet morning, the afternoon was filled with arguments and frustration)

word for the day: defenition. there's me correcting hundreds of spelling errors :S

nystire's insight for the day: our SC reminds us both of zim stealing all the other kids' internal organs.

it really ticks me off when people drop the volume instead of pressing pause / stop. it doesn't require more effort, and it saves battery power.
i'd say "and friendships", but they're not my friends.

there's a piece of software that i tried to bring into my unit last year, and i had to fight with my SC until he gave me permission to prove its usefulness. that would've been fine if he hadn't then made it impossible to do (by staring over my shoulder after forcing me to work 100% on the stupid software that we all hate and eventually abandoned). after i finished the course, i got back to discover that the project i'd had created had been moved to a different server and the password changed, and dealing with the bureaucracy to correct that has been off-putting since.

now we've had an external observer suggest the same software, and it's already moving forward. thanks for the faith, guys.

thought for the day:
can i sue maynard james keenan for giving me the feeling that i'm not alone, that there are others like me willing to fix things without compromise? that's a large factor in my current dissatisfaction.

pseudo-code grievance for the day:
why ! & not ~ ?

reality bites arrived today :)

man, something just smoked and gurgled and released a choking, acrid fog into the apartment. freaky. i hope it didn't damage anything, i'm just closed into my living room while airing out the place before i make an attempt with the tunneler. it's been more than half an hour and it's still difficult to breathe :S

my alarm lies weeping

at least, i should be, racked with guilt.

last night's outing was delayed, which gave me time to tidy things up in preparation for tonight's mayhem, and then i went out, had too much too drink, and came home to discover that my shower pipe's just as bad as before. at least i was wary this time, and so as soon as i registered that it was stuck i turned off the water, soaped myself, sprayed off the soap within about fifteen seconds and set a personal record for fastest shower: but only the second-most-uncomfortable.

yay! another day at work! i'm loving it.

mass demotivation

the early bird
i haven't been up that early in a while, and of course that put me in just the right frame of mind for a wonderful day at work.

the robbery
i found out this morning that my aunt and uncle were robbed on the weekend, in a manner not at all cruel by south african standards but cruel enough by any normal person's. i'm upset and on edge about it, it's a close-to-home reminder that things aren't all joyful people and beautiful scenery down there. aside from physical recovery, i really hope the recovery from the emotional trauma isn't too much of an uphill.

the frustration, giving up
i've had enough of the crap, and the fact that i'm not alone doesn't make it a lot easier. i'm completely apathetic and irritated constantly, exhausted and unfocused, and i just want to get the hell out of where i am. it's not a good place - management sucks and my peers are not [my peers].

better food, ball-check stories
when i say better, i mean that i didn't feel sick after lunch. on the way back, we exchanged amusing stories, and i was reminded of my medical examination on call-up.

i couldn't speak or understand hebrew, and the doctor couldn't speak english. lots of hand signals and frustrated yelping got me to stand there in my boxers, and then he did something that totally freaked me out: he made a spinning motion with his finger and then bent his hand forwards, which to me (and when i demonstrated, the guys i was telling this to) meant "turn around and bend over".

after being frozen in place for a few seconds while he continued to verbally abuse me in whatever language he was speaking (possibly russian), i hesitatingly began turning around... and got dragged back to face him. he was angry because that wasn't what he wanted me to do, and he simply pulled down my boxers and grabbed hold of my testicles while making coughing noises.

fried green brains, bad shuttle sleeping
i was completely out during the afternoon, and lots of sugar and caffeine could only go so far. i did manage to do some work, but most of the time was wasted in discussing and planning with my TL. he likes discussing and planning.

bank transact
i made it to the bank on time, but there was a computer problem and things took a lot longer than expected. i was then informed that i needed to bring a written letter from the landlord... i've only just arranged that now, and i have no clue where to put the envelope that i was given. there's no mail slot at the bank :P

bad orange, good potato
some moron changed my phone's final destination after i left on friday so it wasn't at the branch i went to pick it up from O_o
at least they're going to pick up the charge for mailing it to me personally. on the way back i stopped by a shop called "potato", and had an absolutely brilliant eggplant-and-yoghurt baked potato. i'm still shocked at how much and how fast i ate... i knew i was hungry, but i demolished a 15x25x15 potato plus all the filling within a couple of minutes. i was a potato-eating machine.

i think it's fine: again
i poured almost all of the remainder of the drain-cleaner in, and it seems alright now. although that's what i said last night :S

it's the law
my landlord was stunned when he saw me navigate the pedestrian crossings to get from one side of the road to the other. i can't wait to stop having to be such an asshole.

busy freaking out
to ace ventura - NN (schatsi remix) - i've been going off the rails since coming back from south africa / france, and it's time to let go. i walked down the street bopping my head and musing over the last few years of wearing a metaphorical straight-jacket.

it's almost time to head out for drinks. i'm wishing myself luck.

best shower ever

i can't believe i just spent half an hour crouching in the shower, soap drying all over me and sukkling with the plunger. the amount of junk, gunk and hair that came out is frightening, and here i thought that the drain cleaner had done it's job.

it turns out it just smells really bad.

i waited and waited...

and my charming flatmates called me after the landlord had left.

bastards.

i managed to catch him before he made his way home, and after a bit of haranguing [very pompous, in fact] i managed to convince him to give me the deposit back even though technically he could keep it for up to two months after i leave: he knows i'll make good on any problems that i leave behind.

i have made my final move, and handed back my keys. i hope i haven't left anything behind - as i promised to myself, my printout of luis royo - on the southern beaches was the last thing to go.

i'm now stuck with a complete mess again. i returned a huge set of cardboard boxes to the supermarket though, a pity the reverse side (the shopping process) wasn't as pleasant, all the cashiers were ready for bed and there were quite a few of us trying to pass through :/

i used the drain-cleaner... which is without any doubt the most potent, intense stuff i've ever come across. my eyes are watering just thinking about it, and my apartment has only stopped reeking of the stuff within the last fifteen minutes and i used it three hours ago!
i completely forgot about filling the holes, and it's definitely too late for that :(

the watermelon is finished, and i have to mention that one of the advantages of living on the ground floor is that instead of trying to force the remains into a trash can or letting it sit and rot near the door, i can just get up and drop it in the garbage bin outside without any effort :)

tomorrow: not only do i not have a ride, but it looks like it's going to be a very busy day. i gotta get some shuteye.

the headache

it's now beyond an allergy to my uniform - being on base makes me ill. it is incredible how unhappy i've become. i suddenly realized that currently the biggest demotivator is not being allowed to fix a problem that's interfering with a high-priority instruction because that instruction takes precedence. that's the kind of mentality that in my fantasy world is punishable by gratuitous violence and eternal torment.

today was mother's day - i admit i was having such a bad morning that it completely slipped my mind, and i'm really grateful that nystire happened to mention it while i was busy writing my mommy an sms. I LOVE MY MOMMY!

the responses to my video have been highly amusing, and as soon as i can cease worrying about concealing my identity (should be soon!) i'll post a link. kino sucks, by the way. i eventually used avidemux (which caused me problems last month) and it worked fine and doesn't require a degree to use.

it's possible that strong coffee followed by two bags of milk chocolate and a packet of mike and ike's was a little excessive. at least today was a cleaning day, so we finished it off with a four-player speed-super munchkin game.

i went straight to the hardware store after work, and i've now got to mix up some goo to fill the holes in the shower-tiles and clear a drain blockage. wonderful. at least i get my deposit from the previous apartment back tonight.

i cannot believe that i just invited 450 people to my apartment for a house-warming - i just couldn't be bothered to spend hours deliberating over who to invite and worrying about who's going to be offended that i forgot them... i hope only friends arrive.

*ahem* i hope friends arrive :P

the 60's has arrived already! SWEET!!!

too late! sleep!

my retarded ex-flatmate threw out a primary component of the vacuum cleaner, so there we were in the middle of a saturday afternoon rummaging through the garbage (most of it wet, sticky and rancid) to find it. i'm very, very glad that i caught that in time.

after making a couple of missions, i went to the beach for drinks with karnaf - after a rather ugly, dusty day the sunset was absolutely phenomenal! and of course, my camera's in the shop with the rest of my phone.

after a quick stop by one of ze germans to pick up my hat, i came back home so that my platoon leader from last year's jolly jaunt in the desert could bring me a small but usefully official piece of paper. then it was time to do the laundry, so i stopped by coffeeholic for a wonderful breakfast (the chef's special) on the way.

the public laundromats are difficult to use because they require a specific and rare combination of coins that the surrounding kiosks are loathe to part with. after being chucked out of the first one i managed to argue my way to the right change with the next, which kind of felt like being in the middle of a bad adventure game ploy.

i thought i'd use the laundry time productively, but instead i napped for most of it. after hanging it up, i spent a lot of time learning about uploading videos to youtube - for instance, it must be rotated before upload (unlike facebook)... so 32 megabytes later and i'm now reprocessing and re-uploading :(

shifted day

i think i may have had too much to drink last night.

at least i've done a number of things on the list, not least of which was completing the final construction (set of drawers). i called up her grandmother to wish her a happy birthday (funny, i had a strange dream about her just prior to waking up, most unusual), and i'm now off to carry the last of my things from the old flat.

oh, and the video seems to be appreciated ^_^

the afghan whigs have good music, but i'm not thrilled about the singing.

i suddenly remembered the name of the record store i used to frequent (and subsequently learned how to dj from): sphere records. apparently rob-b is still active - i wonder what happened to lee?

a fiery spiritual experience
gender roles: apparently from the 70's but that seems a little out there
duke nukem forever is dead: linked from xkcd, this page is full of interesting information and comparisons
xkcd: for firefly fans - gotta read all 5 of them, i had a really good laugh

aa@home

damn - is it past 4.30am already? gco and his girlfriend arrived about five hours ago with a bottle of vodka and a bottle of coke, i brought out the rum and we've been talking crap the entire night.

it was very nice, but there were some topics that got disquietingly serious. i'm now exhausted. and maybe a little drunk.

i decided (while under the influence) to put my video online without editing. i don't know what the potential fallout is, but i have faith that enough people will find it amusing :)

orange: it really needs mentioning

there's nothing like freshly squeezed, especially when it's at the end of a day filled with mini-accomplishments and the oranges are absolutely perfect for being raped by the fruit-fucker juiced.

turned back

i smashed all my teeth
'cause my foot wouldn't fit
then i laid down my wreath
my own coffin i lit

only i eulogize
in the strongest of terms
to escape all the lies
and then turn to the worms

i appear at a gate
that has long been abandoned
i have made a mistake
the lord was forced to rescind

i look far beyond
but there's no frolicking
there's also no torture
nor reason to sing

spider in my room

rarely seen
sudden scuttling in the corners
busied with scarcity
rarely felt
soft touch brushing my skin
a kiss to remember

going on an adventure
in her big, wide world
interminably seeking a sacred space
to haunt for all eternity

rarely seen, rarely felt
sudden scuttling in the corners
soft touch brushing my skin
busied with scarcity, a kiss to remember

(barefoot inside)

i'm almost done cleaning, it's been a bit of a mission but my apartment is looking really good! i'll put together the last set of drawers tomorrow, and then i'll be able to put away the odd bits :)

ben harper's music has lots of ups and downs for me. i put the album the will to live on and thought that it was a bit, well, lacking - but then as soon as my randomized playlist hit homeless child i started vibing with it... and then thought "meh" when i got to the title song.

doing my killing before breakfast

i had to give my phone up until monday - that sucks, no camera and i didn't write down my appointments :/

i woke up this morning and immediately gathered up all my old clothes and shoes and took them to the donation point, with a great big grin for the beautiful morning ^_^

i handed over my phone to orange - didn't take long at all - and then headed back home to put up my posters and mirror... and it wasn't difficult and didn't take very long! i'm very happy with the results :)

after a quick stop at the post office, i went past the hardware store to return the drill and help the dude test his key-cutter, then took my laundry to the old apartment but the washing machine was in use. since then i've heard that the machine broke down in the middle of the wash, so maybe that's not a bad thing.

i had breakfast at coffeeholic, a really good breakfast (as usual) spent scribbling and reading. i'm bothered a little by james hillman referring to an "LSD-high", because i don't think it's the kind of effect one can safely describe as enjoyable... but the following resonated strongly as it struck a deep nerve:

if the formation itself is off course, then the man who is really 'on course' must leave the formation
- ronald laing

pj harvey is the bomb.

nap time!

a german,

a dutchman and a south african walk into a bar... not the best of bars, but we had a pleasant evening and i'm now definitely ready (coerced by some rather expensive whiskey - must start drinking at home) for bed.

a smile for the weekend

it's a form of ecstasy, the weekend euphoria is upon me! i must admit, my jaunt through the streets wearing nothing but a towel and a shower-cap, carrying a squeaky duck, underwear and a back-scrubber might have had some effect... i'm annoyed about the editing software crashing on me, that's going to make it take a while before i can remove all the super-dumb things i said...
...i was nervous, alright?

as i turned off the camera, i heard a siren coming up the street and ducked into the building. i don't know if it was for me.

---
today was difficult, although it did have some scattered amusement. my TL seems to have an idea where my bad news is going (and i didn't actually have to say anything), and he seems resigned to whatever my future will bring. i like that, although i could be wrong.

lunch did bad things to my belly.

amongst the faffing i did actually make a little headway into my work, and i left on a relatively good note. i went straight to the bank, sorted out the first half of a standing order that i should've done weeks ago, and stopped at the hardware store for some shopping, a chat and to borrow the dude's drill. after a bit of work, i have managed to drill two neat and well-placed holes in my shower tiles and the shower-head is now above waist-height!

sweet! now to go out for a drink.

mad dead chicken skills

it's late, and it's been a long day - but after being re-reminded this morning that late nights and weekday alcohol is good for me i'm not overly concerned. nystire told me that it's because i'm south african.

jump-link to voodoo programming, which i'm apparently gifted with. i found an unbelievably incoherent solution to someone else's coding problem this morning without having a clue what was being performed :P

culture: explaining baboons and baboon behaviour to israelis, hearing my TL discussing mother's milk being sent overseas... colour me concerned O_o

i got a follow-up phone call this afternoon, and i think the person i'm communicating with "gets" what kind of person i am. i don't know how much that's going to help, but i don't feel like i'm being cast to the dogs without mercy. i think i deserve a little, i've done myself more damage than anyone else is capable of in this matter.

after a long chat with my mum and then a quick one with SxS, i got back to smiling - how is it that i can never keep the useful concepts in my head when i'm under pressure?
1) totalwaste functions better with alcohol and sleep deprivation
2) as bill hicks said: "it's just a ride"

after spending a few minutes with the hardware store dude, i hopped on a bus to meet up with some friends at the artbeat exhibition / opening performances. the photography is sterling, the performances were absolutely incredible! i was already a fan of einav jackson cohen, i'm now a big fan of tamar eisenman (intense!), i think onili's music is really fun stuff and i didn't remember just how amazing panic ensemble is - absolutely mind-blowing, inspired and thrilling!

pity my back's giving me trouble :(

big deal for the day: curtains vs. blinds. my mum and i agreed that because at some stage i'm going to rent my place out i should get curtains, but - dammit! - the blinds come in colours that just do it for me, bright greens and oranges that i think would be perfect!

k-twang was kind enough to send me a link to something i'd wear, which as i told him is kind of creepy considering the idea i had this morning. i'd share it with the rest of the world if i didn't think there was lots of money to be made with it ;)

hmm... i got rather a lot of prose out today. i might share it.

a note on dani gilboa

the man can play, the show was great! i would have enjoyed it more if i hadn't had so much trouble keeping my eyes open, i was bombed before it began and post-beer and rum & coke i was even worse... plus the music was quite hypnotic.

favourite? his own music rocks, but his hebrew cover of jimi hendrix - hey joe (hey yossi) was inspired!

i walked home, half because i didn't think anybody else would be leaving within the hour and half because i needed the fresh air, and i just got out the shower and am about to hit the sack.

post-meeting in particular, but for the last couple of weeks in general i've been thinking a lot about the last few years and how they've affected me.
i've been driven up the wall, and i need to reset.
i'm annoyed with this morning's conversation because i missed the opportunity (like most people, i always think better after it's no longer relevant) to respond to the question: "why on earth would you do that?!" with "because if you don't take risks, you may as well be dead".

a pity.

it's like i wasn't there

nope, still really, really tired. at least i've had blood samples taken so i'll know in a bit if i've really stressed myself out this much.

i called tech-support this morning for the router (pronounced ROOTer, for all of my americanized readers) and was informed that i'm the only person who's complained that their hours make it necessary to take a day off if there's a problem.

the Big Dreaded Meeting was... unfortunate. for the moment i can only say that i've well and truly screwed myself, and that i'm going to pay for my stupidity. i just don't know yet how much. i've begun preparing for the worst, which is sadly highly probable.

i got to base, talked to my mum, had lunch and went back to work. aside from being tired and unfocused the last couple of weeks, my current project sucks and i've become apathetic. i guess i'm just stressed and unhappy in general.

james hillman's re-visioning psychology is terrific, i just wish my latest downturn wasn't preventing me from getting into it properly.

i picked up my monitor on the way home - how did i manage without an lcd at home until now?!

i visited the hardware store, the guy there's helping out both me and his neighbour who sells curtains and blinds by being our go-between - he's a swell dude :)

i went to the old apartment a couple of times to run laundry and transfer, spent too much time with the router and was then honoured with a visit by sammy - it was really good to see him again and it was, of course, nice to be able to show off the pad ^_^

sammy was good enough to drop me off at the "picture theatre", where my neighbours going to be performing in a minute or two... i'm very impressed that i made it :)

another interminable nap

i didn't go out drinking last night, i woke up at 10pm and decided that it would be a really bad idea to leave the apartment in that state :/

so i watched an episode of battlestar galactica instead, started an ubuntu upgrade (done), and went back to sleep.

i'm actually surprised to find myself as nervous as i am. i've already screwed everything up, but even damage mitigation is stressful. is today the first day of the rest of my life?

i have frank zappa talking in the background - kinda makes me feel like i'm watching those rejected bitter films randoms. maybe i should listen.

indie on the move is a great concept!

come on in! the water's fine!

towel-rail: solid (and just the right length!)
water-pressure: great
shower-head: in need of an upgrade, but usable
leaks: none
drainage: not great, might be blocked

not only did i have a pleasantly hot shower now, even after shaving this morning and the geyser is only set for fifteen minutes (the minimum amount) per day (pre-shave), but the installation of the towel rail took all of two minutes. very cool 8).

i received no instructions with the blood tests, so i'm going out drinking tonight in preparation for tomorrow's Big Grill: i'm answering that call.---
it bothers me that tech-support for my router is sunday - thursday, 9am - 5pm. let's assume that the usual issues with a router - like, say, your net connection going down at 2am - are not comfortably dealt with by this company. suck.

this is the puzzle from this morning

still exhausted

i'm going tomorrow for blood tests, i'm afraid of the possibility that being this tired constantly is physical illness and not simply spiritual fatigue.

i just put down the deposit for my first lcd monitor (of my very own), and am about to call tech support to see if they can sort out my router - i figured it's a good idea to post before that happens :P

negotiations over - the 60's is on its way to me ^_^

a couple of us played super-munchkin over lunch today, which is a start. the other fun bit of the day was the riddle, not too complicated but very frustrating nonetheless (i didn't understand the rules at first, and came up with very funny solutions).

the sandstorm* today was insane. going outside was masochistic, and i made the mission to the hairdresser only to discover that his foot's hurt so he couldn't work today...
today was mostly pointless work-wise, or at least not very fruitful, and i think the highlight was being called by the student authority (4.5 years later) for a telephonic interview to see how my absorption's going.
i'll only find out tomorrow, but i decided to be positive nonetheless ;)

i just let a spider into my apartment through the only possible entrance / exit - and it promptly disappeared. bugger.

* i was reminded of an 80's movie with travellers being eaten by some weird creature that lived in the sandstorm. anyone know what i'm remembering?

the mall is my church

we have a stairwell cow: i stepped out of the pad, skirted around the sofa that's been blocking the entrance to my digs for days, and some woman from upstairs climbed into me about how terrible it is and how i need to move it out.

i explained that i was trying to, and that i was, in fact, on my way to see someone about it - this was true, i was off to get my newly-ex'ed flatmate to help me carry it over there. she proceeded to stress that it's unacceptable, and that it needs to be moved out within the week.

i didn't like her tone, and i like her even less.

hauling the couch was serious exercise, but it's done and that's one less headache - assuming, of course, that my neck wasn't harmed in the process :P

after a long chat with my mum, i hit the shower for hopefully the last time and then came back home to get stuck into internet consumerism.
as i said earlier, i bought the wonder years box set. i then discovered that there's no such thing, and i managed to get a refund. i'd rather have had the box set. as a replacement, i went hunting for the 60's, which is no longer being produced and is therefore quite expensive. i found a set on ebay for a [relatively] decent price, but now we're in staggered negotiations over shipping. so i bought forrest gump to satisfy my need for immediate gratification.

and now for bed.

false-hope joanna

dammit! a girl named joanna was going to buy the sofa, and i forgot to call her until i got home... too late, she'd found something cheaper. crud.

the rest of the afternoon didn't improve, and when shuttle-time came around we all scrambled. once i got home it was straight out the door again to do some shopping.

it's dusty, icky and i have bugs plastered all over me and up my nose.

i've just been on a mission to produce transparent pvc stickers for my entrance mirror, spare dvd covers (boy, did i drive them crazy) and on the way picked up a couple of stylish magnets (i won't put any old trash on my fridge!) and sorted out the towel rail. now i just have to install that so i can clean myself up.
i also looked at lcd monitors, i think i'm going to need to upgrade soon.

ugh... i've been bitten all over :S

so i *just* bought the box set of the wonder years (i've had joe cocker's voice in my head now for almost an hour), and i almost bought a monitor online but then thought better of it. i prefer to deal with my neighbourhood store.

yay! a number of people have successfully downloaded mighty mouse - the great space chase! and of course i'm still the only seeder. wonderful :/

for all the fans: an interesting susan boyle perspective

eyelid strain

i'm once again forced to consume extreme quantities of caffeine in order to function - am i still sick? or just sick of this place? or was lunch really as bad as it tasted?

as it was, i arrived late this morning (my ride had an eventful morning) and that afforded me the opportunity to have a relaxed breakfast... but not a relaxed day :(

i've spent a lot of the afternoon on hold or receiving crappy service (actually, "bitter" may be the more appropriate word) and that's turned today into another "i'm not overly-fond of israelis" day.

getting settled

i've just watched the first episode of the second battlestar galactica season, and loved it! especially the bit where i was lying on the couch, beer in hand, at *just* the right angle and distance. the only thing i'm missing now is an lcd monitor that can handle inputs from my dvd player and playstation and i'll be sorted.

as it is, i finally cleared the majority of stuff (in other words, i've emptied all the cardboard boxes and more or less arranged their contents in seemingly correct places - and i haven't yet constructed the second set of drawers), began painting the kitchen wall (where the cupboard was removed from) and aside from not having cleaned the floors yet the apartment feels right ^_^

i did go to coffeeholic for dinner, primarily because i hadn't been outside the entire day, and i did some shopping too - it's really weird (and nice!) to have a fridge all to myself, i've been using the tiniest corner of the other apartment's for months and it's been driving me crazy...

now going back there to shower and bring over a couple more things, as usual :P

aaaaaaargh! mosquito season and my legs have been chewed!

archer: this girl is incredible!

a bit tidier now

i've spent the afternoon filtering the remnants of my life with plastic dividers, morphine - the night, full metal jacket and saiko-pod (koxbox lab) setting the tone.

i built a spare bed today:

just another item off the checklist. now for an entrance table and space to store shoes.

i caught up online, and actually laughed out loud a couple of times:
craiglist: if you know who jim darkmagic is, let's talk
xkcd: a dangerous shopping list

too much comfort

southern.

the evening was very nice but long, i don't manage hebrew karaoke because i can't read fast enough :(

now that i'm back from a slow walk through tel aviv, i'm going to crash so that i'll have the energy for all the necessary construction tomorrow. ooh! that made me smile :)

a far-away grin

after all that craziness, a shower and a nap were pretty much all i needed - after moving things around a bit and watching the rest of the animated pvp series i got dressed and took a happy walk to the train station.

happy, because in addition to the day having been quite successful and the evening very pretty, i keep thinking about where i am as far as my service is concerned and i'm definitely ready for the change i feel coming :)

i'm regaining my sense of self and my perspective, and i haven't felt like smiling like this in ages!

exhausted and dirty

but hey, i have a good-looking kitchen unit, a new toilet tank, unsightly spaces filled and a good section of wall suddenly in need of paint, a fridge, a washing machine awaiting a technician (and it fit without incident! yay!), a pretty shelf above my bed and a ton of ikea goods to build.

it's just that everyone came all at once, which was kind of crazy - and my place is a complete mess :P

breakfast was awesome, then five hours of carpentry, drilling and playing, quick shopping and a snack, and now i'm about ready to go have a shower and then nap before tonight's 50th birthday celebration out of town.

a mosquito in my fly

so that's the third time in a couple of weeks that there's been a mosquito buzzing around my legs while i've been relieving myself on base, and i've been wondering how unpleasant it could be if it were to nip inside my pants while i was zipping up... i think that would be bad.

if i don't like wasting time in eilat, and i don't like hanging around hotels when i could be "doing things". two people were concerned this morning because i wasn't enthusiastic about a reduced-price vacation to a hotel in eilat. i'd rather stay in tel aviv, thanks. and go to the beach. and come back to the wonders of home.

i found my charger! i'm so embarrassed that i left it at work.

the call i've been waiting for since [last] [wednesday] came in, and i will answer it in another few days. i keep running speeches through my head even though i know that when the time comes i won't know where to begin and won't have anything coherent to say. i'm better at writing stuff.

why opening one's heart and one's network is undesirable - being responsible for whatever traffic passes through your system sucks. what happens when you follow the instructions - i burned my wireless router and have to take it back now. i should have gone with my instincts.

quote of the day: "programmers have to be inhibited; if they'd do it all in their heads everything would be fine". [kind of like the legend of QUERTY]

ikea 2: nystire and i went to ikea, and i must admit it was far easier arriving with a decent list and company. i won't complain about the salted liquorice, either. i'm shocked that i arrived at pretty much the same sum as last time... it's been a really expensive month.

we ran into mmf and his wife while there, so i got a ride home with them. aside from the amusing talk on the way, he assured me that there's still a decent jump-point for me with him whenever i finish my service. this is comforting :)
i set up my night light [very cool little lamp that turns on when there's no bright light around it] and my funky bedside lamp, learned that horrible lesson about the router, showered, loaded the washing machine, arrived at coffeeholic too late for food (so i drank coffee and chatted with the other regulars), ate a "buddha burger" [a wonderfully surprising vegetarian burger], removed laundry, came home to catch up online and post this, and am crashing in another few minutes.

tomorrow's a big "can we fit the washing machine into the bathroom" and "let's build furniture" day. good night!

traditional independence barbeque

it was long day filled (literally: non-stop) with delicious dead animals, swimming, good friends (and all their children - am i getting older?!), great music, loads of beer and even more laughter!

now i'm absolutely exhausted. it doesn't help that it's taken me more than half an hour to figure out how to upload a torrent, but upload i have!

it's only taken me 51 weeks.

i'm going to sleep so well now ^_^

night celebration complete

some of it was really fun, some quite boring. we made an unfortunate mistake and chose the wrong starting point, and the best party was closed down by the time we got there because it was a good party.

that's what happens in these parts.

i'm completely exhausted, just got back from a shower at the old apartment and am definitely going to sleep well.

i - am - exhausted

and israel's 61st birthday is nigh!

i keep forgetting just how much exercise i'm getting moving all my stuff. it's constant weight training between all the unpacking and sorting, and i'm beat. i just passed out for an hour, but i'm not sure that that's enough to hold me for a night of serious partying...

and party we shall ;)

i couldn't help myself [find my comment]: wired's article on the guidestones forced my hand. i'm now a big fan of the commissioners, and convinced that it's a large group of enlightened individuals who are *gasp* trying to do some good.

it's MINE! all MINE! MWUHAHAHA!

an internet connection of my very own. SWEET!

still no sound, and selling a couch online is a bitch. the morning was quite boring, although it was nice to shave in my own bathroom :)

the israeli/arab service experience

when i spoke to the movers yesterday and asked if i could move in the evening, they told me "absolutely not, the only time we have is 4 to 5", so i signed on a day's vacation and left the base early, because the army doesn't show mercy towards normal people.

obviously, when they eventually arrived at 7.35pm i was pleased. i'll be fair, the guy almost seemed apologetic, they were quite efficient and it wasn't their fault that the larger of the sofas won't get through the door - still, i think it was unreasonable to have the two arabs pushing me for a tip afterwards, especially when the cost of the move was CLEARLY a lot higher than it should have been. and the nasty girl i spoke to on the phone was trying desperately to wheedle ever last cent out of me because she caught a whiff of my accent.

a real class act. unfortunately, no worse than the others.

at least i got stuff done in the afternoon - two sabuda pop-ups and a new toilet, umm, thing (the top bit what flushes) and i had time to vacuum the bedroom i've vacated. once the movers were gone, i fiddled a bit and then went to the ceremony, running into a dutch friend and a couple of the ski-trip girls. it was i good ceremony, but long and we're all complaining of sore feet.

so now i have to find a buyer for the big couch, i'm on my last transport mission for the night and i have no pc until tomorrow.

at least i'm sleeping under my own roof!

disconnecting pc

long day - i slept through the night but not well. i did manage to walk out in a good mood - it's funny, but now that i've screwed things up i'm totally relaxed, all the shit that's been driving me beserk for the last very long time seems to have dissipated.

is it all about attitude? i think so. is it a pity that i've been caring so much for so long? definitely.

can't go back. time to move on.

i cannot tell a lie

(story of my life, but here i'm referring to a specific instance in time), i'm actually quite thrilled about moving tomorrow!

long, slow, steady

as if the day went by in a dream, i'm not healthy yet and i didn't have any coffee, the work was either mindless or bottomless and i have the strangest sense that i've taken myself outside of the picture that is my office.

the ceremony for the base's fallen soldiers was pretty and the singers were fantastic, and the pre-ceremony dinner's laughter was raucous and spiritually cleansing: or at least it would have been if it hadn't been us laughing about "wear your boss to work" day...

i've organized the primary move to take place tomorrow, and i have to admit to a *NEED* to be there already. and the washing machine and fridge will follow me on friday :)

again with the insomnia?!

i'm trying bitter chocolate and comics this time. i'm still running simulations in my head, but they're a lot less freaky than they've been the past couple of days.

i think i'm getting the current situation through my head. now for some sleep! before i wake up again at stupid o'clock!

even smiling a little

i've finally gotten over the initial shock and horror, and begun to think a little more rationally about the whole thing: well, i'm still screwed, but it's not the end of the world. i even managed to laugh with karnaf about it over coffee (i had to get out of the house), and i've done a few more lifts across to the pad and written down phone numbers for movers tomorrow.

i'm now going to have another shower (it's not the moving so much as the pre-move dusting), and then hit the sack for another glorious early morning in uniform.

i've been thinking that there's very little hopeful that i've been writing about, and maybe that'll be a part of the change i feel coming. as i sat with one of ze germans this evening, we discussed that - it's a period of transition for a lot of us right now. let's see which way the wind blows.

speaking to mommy

it always helps :)

i'm almost back to normal, if a bit tired, and i've been doing a bit of moving (item by item sort of thing). i would've showered there if i had a towel-rail installed :P

got a bit of fire back in me after watching some of the woodstock documentary's director's cut - i don't know if it's different from the other version, but seeing that many happy people always brightens things a bit.

today's morbid poetry corner

[sponsored the the word "state"]

entity of the state
from being an entity of the state
all porcelain, shading my true fate
becoming an enemy of that self-same state
a sludged-concrete vassal, to direct its hate

from years of keeping still and sighing
aeons hiding my sanity
i've come out and shot myself
i'll pay now for my vanity

i'm drawn like a fly
into their grey feast
they let me eat myself alive
they wait and watch
with eyes gleaming like ice
to be hung up, torn up, and drunk
by the mad, blind beast

ugly state
i don't quite feel like smiling
not right now, not today
neither do i feel like rhyming
i just gave my whole world away

all was bright, now no longer shining
my whole new soul sold out and iced
my head deep down into the fray
signing off on my decline
wasting a decade sacrificed

deep in desperate hour of ire
and all because i could refuse
to keep my promise to myself
to be honest and remain a liar

i'm feeling a bit better

but the damage is done. i think it's just the most unfortunate and unnecessary thing i've ever allowed to happen to myself.

the shelf fit, and the shower installation went more or less successfully - i should be able to use it within the next few hours, and now i'm fretting over getting the rest of the move completed.

in the meanwhile, i'm not completely healthy yet so i'm going back to bed.

sleepless

i've been tossing and turning since yesterday's post, unable to focus on anything but wednesday's folly. i'm unable to listen to music, but i've had yael deckelbaum's mr hyde running through my head non-stop.

i did get up in the evening, to go to the pad and wait for the builder to bring over the counter-top, and i've just got up now to go to the hardware store to pick up a shelf and then deal with the shower installation.

i should be happy about these things, but i'm worrying instead. it's not helping.

how sick?

so it turns out i am sick, and have probably been so since sometime last week - although this one was the kicker. i don't know if that excuses my completely irrational behaviour yesterday or not. i don't think it does.

i spent a couple of hours with the city council this morning compiling a formal request for a building permit. i understand less than half of what i managed to read, but fortunately the assigned engineer and the cute russian girl at the info desk formed a helpful team.

requesting a building permit is expensive.

i had the presence of mind to go to the city officer and seek medical attention, at least. i'm back home with a sick day, and about to crash.

a rare smile

yael deckelbaum made me smile - a terrific performance filled with magic. i did have to sit down every now and again because i felt faint, which brings me to a theory i have about this morning's downfall:

either i was sick, which would explain my completely screwed up and confused reaction, or i've actually managed to worry myself sick in the aftermath.

regardless of which, i've most definitely lost my appetite and everything i've done today was as if through a hazy wall of stress.

i'm surprisingly good at dealing with that, strangely.

after coming home and consulting with an oracle, i went out for dinner with a few section-mates which turned out really nice, although it's always awkward seeing bt's boyfriend (singer's love) and he works at the restaurant where we sat.

back to the concert: best closing song ever (using a bullhorn), they played the thank you's, maya playing the cello like a guitar, mind-blowing psychedelic sounds, and all-round good fun. oh, yeah, and a really interesting outfit :)

back to reality: going to shower and hopefully sleep before fighting with the city council over building permits. and try to get the poem that attacked me on my way in to sit still so i can write it down.

still freaking out

i can't stop. i've potentially ruined everything i've done for the past nine years. i can think of a number of possible outcomes, but it's the greatest moment of confusion i've ever experienced.

and disappointment in myself. phenomenal.

bad call

i am dizzy and disorientated. today i did the first thing that i truly regret, the dumbest thing that i have ever done in my entire life.

i cannot explain, not even to myself, how i did something so pathetically stupid - all i know is that i've changed the game i'm playing dramatically.

i'm actually having difficulty breathing. i'll deal with whatever comes my way, but i really could've played my cards better than i did.

i do feel that my clock is ticking.

off to test my impulses

i keep forgetting to charge my phone :S

i came across animations by don hertzfeldt this morning, and it's phenomenal! absolute genius, stupidly talented - and they expected a whore?! love it!

pa's thought for the day

(inspired by this penny-arcade comic)
vin diesel tied to a chair in a sealed plexiglass cube, with the dm able to safely run the game without fear of [immediate] reprisal.

of course it's possible to take it to a more physical level with someone that tough: when vin's character encounters rats, rats are tipped into the cube - same with water, receiving lashes, that sort of thing.

i think having him join acquisitions incorporated would be neat.

holocaust memorial day

we had a ceremony at the end of the day, and were told a story by a survivor whose father had abandoned her in order to save her and in doing so committed her to four years akin to pre-fagin oliver twist's (note the antithetical anti-semitism) - a fate far more desirable than that of the rest of her family.

i took a couple of battery cells to be disposed of this morning, and in my other hand was carrying one working one for the clock at the pad. i managed to lose that working one at some point on my 150m journey. suck.

nystire was on an honesty mission today, so when he forgot something and reminded me later, he harrassed me until i agreed to send an update to our SC and project manager informing them that he'd made a boo-boo. right after that, i got a phone call inviting me to undergo the polygraph test tomorrow instead of in a couple of weeks' time. i jumped at the chance :)

i tried organizing the shower again, and as soon as i got irritated (same woman from yesterday) she got helpful, so apparently they're coming to install it on friday. then i finally got hold of the guys responsible for delivering my fridge and washing machine: as she started telling me that they "ran out of the model i ordered and would replace it with" i got aggressive, but once she stopped me she explained that that means an upgrade, same product with slightly better specs. i'll have to deal with it.

the old, giant project came back to bite me in the arse twice today, apparently we haven't heard the end of it :S

we got to discussing my personal childbearing project over the first cup of coffee this morning, and although hilarity ensued there was a general consensus that it's a valid direction to take even if instituting something so radical is fantastically complex. and politically incorrect, but necessary none the less.

i managed the day on less coffee! i did buy marshmallows, but that doesn't count, does it? and i still have plenty of peanut butter left ^_^

sign language: i brought a transrater to help me explain what i need from the sign guy. even he got irritated, and that frustration was nothing compared to watching the man trying to count to 15. that took over a minute - i kid you not. eventually we were on the same wavelength, and when i finally got hold of the others to make a final decision they confused the issue and tomorrow we're going to have to start over O_o

i tried to get hold of another copy of robert sabuda - alice's adventures in wonderland but they're all sold out. as in, i can't even order off his website any more. damn.
i've just made a big move - all my serious military gear - and fairly soon the heavy lifting will be done! wheeeee!

elizabeth gilbert: a different way to think about creative genius is along the same lines of the stuff i'm reading in james hillman - re-visioning psychology, and it was a pleasure to watch.

aaand speaking of repressed memories...

... the film student i had over for coffee yesterday evening asked me if i had any ideas for a conflict-based short, and i was suddenly struck by an interesting idea this morning. i blame it entirely on the influence of the mockumentary from last night.

it's done in the 40's style, about a loser therapist who has a crisis of conscience after years of "treating" patients, but instead of helping them get well he's been deliberately making sure that they'll keep coming back by playing on their neuroses.

i hope he likes the idea, if not - it was fun to think about it :)

an immediate repressed memory resurfacing?

how the hell did that slip my mind?!

i spent a long time on the phone with the city council today, trying to figure out how one verifies the legality of one's roof. every person i spoke to knew exactly who to pass me on to, and i learned all manner of useless things before finally getting through to the guy on the swing in the first room, who refused to help me.

and all this transpired with the background tones of a woman informing me that i've reached the people who are going to do their utmost to provide the very best service imaginable.

eventually, i made an appointment with an arbitrary segment of the chain in the hope that personally torturing myself by hopping physically from office to office will prove more fruitful.

it certainly can't prove less...

*BOUNCE* *CRASH* too much caffeine?

the good news: my mail's begun arriving at the pad - and there's enough space in the mailbox that i don't have to go to the post office to pick up my copy of wired! neat!

i suffered from carcolepsy this morning, and was drowsy until lunchtime. the only reason that my situation improved was because i had another energy drink after my second cup of coffee. this is getting out of hand.

i finally had the talk with the unit commander, he was completely understanding and had even remembered what we talked about a few months ago. i'm impressed, and i'm not signing.

i was inspired today to consider taking university courses next academic year. random, fun ones.

it's now holocaust memorial day... not a fun one.

electric sheep: i can totally identify with the sentiment

from nystire: i'd want a couple of these

4 hours later...

... and i'm feeling way worse waking up now. i think i'm allergic to putting on my uniform.

h=>p-d

seriously, when you're completely exhausted you shouldn't be waking up around 2am having pizza nightmares about shelves not fitting. heartburn?! you've got to be kidding!

a short lie into the future

okay, so i'm hitting the hay now, i got stuck into watching the second part of the metallica mockumentary, and i have to admit to having been sucked in by the last fifteen minutes. they actually started behaving like a band, and if it weren't for my original complaint still holding*, i'd probably be listening to the st. anger album right now.

*YAWN*

* when i first sampled a few songs off the album, i was horrified by the tinny drum sound. it still bothers me enough that i won't listen to any of it.

misfiled complaints

yeah, and i totally forgot about lunch, which was absolutely disgusting. i called to complain, and after describing each vaguely identifiable foodstuff (in rather impolite terms) i was asked "do you usually eat in the mess hall? i mean, is what you've described worse than usual?"

i think my standards need to come down a little.

naaah. i just need to get back to the real world.

this morning was rough, and got rougher as the day stretched on. i was broken. after lunch i felt even worse, and i tried closing my eyes for a bit but i started feeling faint... ugly, painful, and people around me still expected me to participate. after an energy drink (kosher for passover, and for some reason tasted that way: everything tasted funny today), i began the slow ascent to functional and by the end of the day had actually done some work.

i slept a bit more on the shuttle home, stopped by the hardware store to pick up nails and headed to the pad to hang pictures. on the way i ran into an old friend from my first base, and i could actually offer the man coffee (! ^_^ !) and we chatted until the person he was supposed to meet rocked up. then i continued with the hanging: aside from stabbing myself while extracting a misplaced nail and then accidentally smearing blood on the wall (good stuff i had the paint ready!), i managed a fairly decent job of the smaller items and the overall effect is phenomenal!

i'm really pleased ^_^

now i'm going to shower and hit the hay early. i'm buggered.

just horrible

after a weekend filled with serious physical exertion, a late night with too much to drink before the first early wake-up in well over a week is NOT a good idea.

i feel horrible.

footsore

i am totally broken - my legs are in *pain*, and i am very, very tired.

i not only waited for almost an hour to be first in line (meeting a very cute girl and amazing her with my minicards) but i actually managed to make ma'ayan hirshbein's show too! i only caught about half an hour, but it was incredible - really dark and beautiful, and both she and the guy who was supporting her (i don't know what the instrument is called) are terrifically talented and fun to watch ^_^
i didn't really enjoy the videos of her, but from her live performance i'm sold!

then i walked back to the barbie to see red band live: surreal and hysterically funny, these guys are mind-blowing! i'm really glad that i got to see them perform, as it was their last show. their covers of white rabbit and the boxer were particularly inspiring.

a little to drink

i quite needed it after today's unpleasantness. aside from that, it was an awesome day: it began with a lot of moving, and before i left for the other side of town i discovered the abominable charles christopher (absolutely amazing artwork), psyshop (two purchases), and the player vs player series dvd is available (so i bought it).

i added a bit more to my canvas, replaced the buzzer's name-tag with my personal logo, and my pad is looking brilliant! i've even sorted out my media, and almost all the books are across. it's kinda weird: i've been saying for ages that i don't have enough space, and now that everything's laid out i can see why!

mindbending proof

i've unwittingly proved myself to myself, and am actually sorry for doing so in spite of the fact that i *should* be feeling self-satisfied.

and that brought to a close something that hadn't begun.

aw man

i just woke up to the most annoying revelation: i made a bad purchase. the cupboard that i bought for my bedroom wasn't supposed to be for hanging clothes, it was meant to have compartments for shirts and underwear and so on... i've just been browsing through the ikea site, and from the looks of things there aren't any shelf mods for the specific model.

that sucks.

oh, well. i'm going to just start moving across anyway :/

post-magical mystery tour

it was awesome - those guys are really, really good!

my feet and legs are killing me, it was so hot inside that i was sure i was going to faint. i'm definitely going to bed soon... just as soon as i finish the bag of crisps while massaging my feet on the old server on the floor :P

pre-magical mystery tour

i could almost hear my feet hiss as i took off my shoes - my whole body is strained from constructing all my furniture in one go. i must say i'm mighty impressed with myself - and even more so with my apartment, which is beginning to look inhabited :)

on the way back home i sat down with lake and her very pretty friend for a few minutes - she's got a speech in store for me but it wasn't the right time. i told her to morse me when she's ready.

i'm hitting the shower - i'm all dusty and sore - and then heading off to hear a beatles cover band.

walked out

that was a serious bit of marching, and all for nought... i missed the walk and nobody here at the destination knows anything about it. swak.

colourful morning

what a difference using an easle makes! i had some time while waiting for the ikea dudes to arrive, so i got stuck in to a canvas i haven't touched since i sketched on it almost a year ago, and i had such a good time playing on my little patio that i was almost disappointed when my furniture arrived.

but i wasn't really disappointed. i put together the drawers first - which *are* strong enough to handle my weight, and then came here to coffeeholic for breakfast before heading out to try and catch up with yael deckelbaum as she meanders around tel aviv.

no videos at 3am?

this really sucks, my flatmates are hogging all the bandwidth.

i really enjoyed the sushi earlier, i met a nice girl who could be replacing me, and went to a celebration that involved rather a lot of alcohol. songbird and a friend of hers gave me a ride home, stopping on the way for sushi... like i'd say no.

thank you ikea!

not only did i miraculously manage to not pass out (i was on the way from crowd / shopping overload), but i found salted liquorice! and aside from one cupboard i got everything i need, so i'm feeling successful AND i got some hardcore weight training.

the only thing that sucks: there's apparently a 99% chance that i'll receive my items tonight or tomorrow... but if i don't they'll just return it and i'll have to come and do the whole thing again.

cheap delivery

i am totally bombed, but i'm off to ikea soon so i'm just going to have to deal with it.
i'm very proud of myself - while half asleep, i spoke to the builder and sorted almost everything out (i *just* remembered that i forgot to discuss replacing the asbestos). he's even willing to install the kitchen counter of an evening, which makes life much easier :)

don't dig the harbour

the arsim were on full form tonight, the place was packed with them and they were chasing and beating each other with bottles.

as for our team, those of us who pitched had a great time laughing and shouting about the course - and driving the waitress crazy was an added bonus :)

earlier: mmf and his wife weren't home, so i made a few missions transporting discs and things to the new pad and made a list of furniture off the ikea website that i'm planning on going to go buy tomorrow.

winded out

i'm still feeling wiped out; i woke up around 11am, shaved off the scraggy beard and walked to the beach for frisbee, but the wind came up and we joined karnaf and a couple of friends of his for breakfast instead.

i picked up a beer on the way home, and sat sipping it while watching the first part of metallica - some kind of monster: what a sad story :/ [like, sad as in "pathetic"]

something reminded me to rip my yael deckelbaum disc, i haven't even listened to it since i bought it - and now i'm off to wake up mmf and browse the ikea catalogue.

almost back to normal

the rest of the afternoon was very relaxed, i continued to read re-visioning psychology and we walked to ru55's to pick up the car we'd left there in the morning. i ate dinner with SxS's family, and his sister (who'd been in the same high school as me in johannesburg) reminded me of all sorts of funny things about my final year -
* spraypainting the vice-principal's car
* bogwashing the gangster (and fighting in general)
* my favourite math teacher (who everyone thought i was sleeping with)
* being dressed up as a nazi to test the costume's effectiveness for the school play
* opening the firehose on everyone leaving an assembly

that was an interesting year :P

i've been informed across the board that the quote i got yesterday is completely off the wall, and it looks like i'll be joining mmf and his wife in a shopping trip to ikea soon :)

we visited ze germans, and had an awkward moment: i'm not bothered by friends' saliva. i'm not talking about cups of it, i'm talking about consuming something that's been licked. maybe it's my hippie background, maybe it's the military background, but i don't worry about other people's germs unless i have good reason to. is that really so weird?

a few of us congregated at yogi's for poker - yes, i promised i wouldn't try anymore. but i seem to have gotten myself more or less together, and not only did i cover two buy-ins, but i walked away with NIS 130 on top of them. and that was after throwing away five or six HUGE hands that i really should have taken but was playing too tight to chance.

i'm very proud of myself.

mmf, his wife, grootbek and i came back to tel aviv together and shared a cab home, and i'm now about to crash: i hope i have enough energy for frisbee in the morning, because i'm exhausted right now.

cupcakes online*

here comes a long phone post: i'm going to share a secret about myself and phone-posting - the hardest thing for me is forcing lowercase at the beginning of each sentence :P

i went easle shopping after posting yesterday, stopping outside the strip mall to talk to my mum about all sorts of serious things. i was surprised to hear news of my younger sister, who - as it turns out - *is* still alive, and i'm sorry to say is still making a good case of what a greedy idiot our brother is**.

i carried home the easle (feeling mighty good about finding one for a fifth of the price of the ones at my favourite art store), checked my mail and found the quote from the builder for all the cupboards: i was absolutely blown away. i hadn't even been thinking in the same ballpark, the numbers were just completely outside of my current budget. i won't lie, that upset me and my plans very much.

i heard that ru55 was coming past tel aviv and going shopping, so i packed quickly and hopped off to meet him. after eating with SxS and his cousin, we went to home centre, where i disappointedly decided on a temporary storage solution which i'll buy when i get back home.

we rejoined SxS and his cousin and missioned off to watch the sunset from the cliffs in herzeliya - we missed the event itself but we enjoyed a very pretty and peaceful twilight.

it was one of those evenings, spent contemplating our last stand as a species and feeling sad that we all tie ourselves up with the day to day grind or relatively petty problems that we can't ignore, but that distract from a much bigger purpose.
it's depressing to think about how the human world works, because it doesn't. we're ruining ourselves because we simply don't know any better, because "it's in our nature", and i can't help but liken that (possibly completely unfairly) to a state wherein most of the people on the planet can see the end coming and can do nothing but wait, either for our surprise salvation or our demise.

but god helps those who help themselves.

i cannot comprehend how all my friends manage to dedicate so much time to the wii, improving their mario karting to such a ridiculous extent! i've missed out on something huge gaming-wise, but that's a choice that i made. i find it interesting that i've become so non-competitive in general the last few years, almost like i've got nothing i need to prove. i wonder if that's not an unhealthy state to be in.

we spent a couple of hours milling about ra'anana, talking shop and the future and discovering new parks (this city is practically one giant park), and then returned to call it a night.

i suffer from a lack of perspective. a really stupid lack for someone who's mostly living the good life (time at work not included) and hasn't got a lot to worry about for the near-future.

it suddenly dawned on me that my constant stress and agitation derives primarily from my attitude that the world should meet my expectations, that those expectations (of myself included) are always unrealistically high, and that it's extremely likely that this is learned behaviour from both my father (attitude: i suddenly remembered his eulogy that his elder brother gave about his expectations) and my mother (achievement: having it impressed upon me that anything is indeed possible***).
i wondered if that's a manifesting symptom (like literalism, ocd, social disorder, anxiety) of asperger's syndrome, and at some point (like, when i'm released from service) i'm going to have to be properly evaluated just to satisfy my curiosity.

i slept until 2.30pm, and i'm counting that as an achievement.

* those cupcakes are STILL great, and it suddenly occurred to me that they need to be made available as facebook gifts.

** she needs financial aid, our brother schemed his way into full control of the inheritance and she's being taken care of almost as little as the rest of us.

*** and i'm right now wearing a shirt that states "everything is possible". funny, that.

the answer to everything

i spent another couple of hours online before going to bed - something re-inspired me and i sat faffing around with a traditional c problem. then i woke up a few hours later and started playing with SDL again, which has actually been kinda fun :)

now i've been in front of the monitor for way too long, so i'm going shopping.

remind me

i just remembered a moment where SxS and i were waiting for a traffic light to change and a car drove past with a cute girl hanging out the window screaming my name and waving at me. i wish i knew who it was.

i have placed the order for the shower. apparently the price i paid for the floor wasn't so steep after all.

i wonder how the interviewing of potential flatmate replacements went. i'm very glad i remembered to clean up just before i left.

i had to make a list of kosher restaurants in tel aviv for someone, and it's a very short list. this is one of the reasons i live here :)

for the past week or so i've been irked by a really shoddy tagging of an electricity box on my new street: it's a badly-drawn penis. i was planning on spraying over it tonight: converting it to an alien, or a dinosaur, or at the very least a well-drawn penis, but at 2.15am there were simply too many neighbours sitting around on balconies and chatting.

kosher for passover sandwiches - not bad, but the "bread" sucked. independance day was great; mario kart went better than usual.

fishy fear

i have a paralyzing fear of sharks. it's an odd thing to be worrying about when i'm so very far away from any real danger. maybe my amygdala is psychotically bored.

unrelated, i think maybe i should find a way to somehow derive enjoyment from the highly-stressed state in which i more often than not find myself. like, maybe i need to just accept that state of wild anxiety as "normal" for me.

they're driving me demented!

israelis are the most inefficient pedestrians - i can't bring myself to relax and enjoy the perambulatory challenges that they pose and i made the stupid mistake (after promising myself last time that i'd never make it again) of entering shenkin on a holiday. as if there were *any* chance of making it through without cursing.

the day began very relaxed, until i decided to take on the weight training of carrying most of my books over to my pad in a single box: my arms are still hurting. i'm now sitting in dizengof center waiting for my poster to be mounted, and then i'm going to leave this monsterous mass of mall people and try to calm down.

and the news on the shower front is that i'm going to have to deal with an 80x80 shower. oh, well.

up later than 8am!

fantastic!

advice: be more human
my favourite dilbert: green clothing
legal downloading boom in sweden

so i'm caught up on comics, and i'm ready for breakfast because i have nothing else to do. at least, nothing else that i have to do right now :)

keeping a stiff upper neck

or a tender one. doesn't matter.

from a note on questionable content i downloaded röyksopp - junior: an extremely cool and fun album!

aside from spring cleaning my playlist and trashing a lot of good music that i just don't listen to, i watched the pilot episode of the sarah connor chronicles and passed out listening to streamed ambient, which was louder than i realized and i missed a message that would've enabled me to actually get out of bed.

instead, i'm awake at 3.33am.

slow mover

i slept four and a half hours, and completely appreciate ted's closing statement in s04e19 of how i met your mother. after a quick breakfast and watching this is spinal tap, i moved some stuff to the pad, but then realized that moving now is silly as i have another month to get everything out of here and my storage there isn't sorted out yet.

i mean, i'll move stuff anyway, but there's definitely no rush.

i'm glad to see that the paint job i did yesterday is good. big decision for the next few days: to mount or frame my penny arcade poster.

i love the idea of random, anonymous chatting, but i won't be participating.

peevs: i didn't see this coming.

i'm listening right now to godspeed you black emperor! - F♯A♯∞, and it is mind-blowing.

wind blows, as porsches pass me by

no, really - we need to do a party like that *weekly*, it was awesome and intense and cleansing.

i'm taking a slow, picturesque walk home, snapping photos of arbitrary things and discovering that some israelis *do* abuse their sports cars - even the cops have packed up and gone home by now.

not that much better

but the frisbee was really, really good. after a great breakfast at movie-ing post-game, i came back to pass out. now off to a tool party. this should be awesome. and being in an alternative (read: sickly) state of mind can only make things more interesting :P

wrong again

no, the shower base wasn't installed today. in fact, nothing got done today. except for a serious quotation session, and i did use the hour or two... or three... to paint the skirting. so it wasn't a complete waste.

i arrived at the apartment at 8.30, ready to go, but it took the guys until 11.15 to finally arrive. they brought in all the gear (heavy gear), and began... and then stopped. there's a problem with the height of the shower base, the floor's got a slight gradient and they wouldn't be doing me any favours by doing a half a job.

so sunday i'll get a full quote for a complete job, and if i'm not happy i'll just have to go with 80x80 instead of 85x90 (turns out that 90cm in one of the directions is simply not possible - bummer).

the kitchen cupboard is a loss, and i'm actually glad that we caught it falling down because it shouldn't have been up there in the first place - i'm being taught the basics of all these professions now, and the only good solution is to add another counter across from the existing one. in short, my kitchen's going to look different, but i'll have a surface for my gas plate and things will be tidier.

the asbestos roof wasn't removed either; the builder's friend is more up-to-date than he is and we require municipal authorization.

we discussed all the storage possibilities - they both liked my pyramid bookshelf solution, and the bookshelf room separation.
i feel horrible about having been ripped off by the guy who came to lay the floors.

the breakfast corner is going to be awesome. mmf's wife's suggestion was inspired!

so after much talking and measuring, and laughter, i did some quick weekend shopping and am now going to spend some time with the gimp. then i'll probably take a nap. i like holidays, and i'm feeling a little bit better.