unfocus

 today has been *really* long, and i'm still battling with the PR cycle at work 🙄

only mr smear is playing hungarian dance in a funny keyboard mode so the mood is lighter than it could be.

some really big stuff happened today, all while i haven't been able to consume caffeine since 11am. first, the guy i worked with at my previous client reached out to let me know he's been sacked. so that was a shock. then i was invited to a company status meeting, where we were informed that he wasn't alone - we're essentially pivoting (we've talked about some of the changes for months), and everyone who hasn't been moving in the desired direction has been let go.

so that's been a shocker, and i'm still processing and feeling horrible for the people who were let go, and massively relieved for myself. this is scary stuff :(

later, my day was interrupted by an hour long "panel" of experts discussing general approaches towards our new roles as AI whisperers slash architects slash product managers. they had lots of valuable stuff to say, but why did it have to be now? (i'm just being tetchy, our group meetings are usually on monday afternoons)

but there was some more potentially good news today (in addition to the sleep lab booking) - i received a message from the tax return people: if they're not mistaken, then i'm due a heck of a lot more money than i expected. a lot more than the bonus my employer awarded me (which got taxed to shreds). even with their 15% (+tax) fee, that gives us a significant runway for me to get my side-project and salary shit together.

so that's BIG 🤞🙏

[stopped writing to respond to team lead, realizing that i didn't respond to his message yesterday and forgot to do what he asked - now scrambling to get it done before dinner :/]

so i'm doing a bit of juggling right now, full of anxiety, partially for completing my workday in at least a neutral way and partly because i'm nervous about finally going to a sleep lab and them finding nothing wrong... for once i hope i sleep poorly "as usual", because the past couple of weeks i've been mysteriously okay.

[the team lead's request took me a literal couple of minutes and uncovered something very wrong, i really dropped the ball on this one]