ill and demoralized

 i'm tired. and i'm sooooo over being sick again, even if it's a mild cold this time and not another round of covid. i think i've been sick more in the last few months than in the last few years, possibly since before covid, but at the same time i have been considerably more physically social than in a really long time too.

either way, i worked from home on thursday and it was mostly not great. having said that, i did manage to resolve the issues i needed to on one project and had my first customer-facing encounter, which went better than i anticipated (my initial hunch proved correct). for the other project, i eventually called it (putting it on hold), tried to implement an apparently trivial part of it as a favour for the boss and discovered that that might be the thing causing problems, so i'll test it again tomorrow and hope for the best.

in addition to the demoralizing nature of fighting a losing battle against a patchy and highly complex ci/cd system, i don't feel like i'm earning trust. it looks like i'm failing while i'm falling on other people's swords, and that's not good.

...

the reason i put down full price on will you snail was that in addition to it looking like great fun, we been watching jonas tyroller for a while and i felt this was a great way to say thank you. mr smear and i have now put in at least two hours into it, and i can honestly say it's brilliant, entertaining and so freaking hard that whoever wrote that "it puts obstacles in all the wrong places and doesn't challenge you enough" was clearly playing it on the easiest setting.

the past couple of days have seen quite a few hours sunk into gameplay, the three of us have completed rayman: legends (for the second time) and mr smear and i played brawlhalla as a team this morning (including capture the flag) and i must say it's definitely helping my mental state overall, in spite of the occasional outbursts. we're not always as cooperative as we need to be, but we're all consistently improving.

...

gd and i watched waltz with bashir yesterday. it was devastating. watching it was devastating, and according to the wikipedia article the movie barely touches on the atrocities that were committed. enabling the massacre was a thorough betrayal of our nation and everything we stand for, and while i'd learned a bit about the massacre before (it's a cautionary tale in the army) i now believe that we should be including its horrors in our holocaust memorials as a reminder of our failure to remember our own experiences and act accordingly.

...

page 25 is finally done! i'm about to make it publicly available, then i'll try to sort out the fact that my phone's still registered for the wrong country because it's a samsung and the account's country cannot be updated. morons.