kind-of breathing

immigration

gd's been hilariously cute about her new status as an israeli citizen, everything she's doing she's doing for the first time "as an israeli" and she's super excited by it :D

in spite of how sick we've been - the last couple of days have been particularly bad, though we're both feeling a bit better this morning - having finally gotten through this non-stop nightmare has put us all in fantastic spirits! we've also had some very serious discussions about trauma and what we've all been going through, and for how long.

for example, i haven't been "home" since i left israel in 2012. when pg and i moved to canada, we spent six months living in limbo - uncertainty and anxiety - and after she left and my work environment became toxic and i was forced out for reacting i spent the next few months terrified that i'd run out of money before finding new employment and getting a new work permit. even though gd and i were making a home and starting a family for the following two years, i was still a foreigner on a temporary visa and the government institutions never let me forget it.

and then we moved to south africa, where for six years gd was never guaranteed residence and i didn't really want residence, certainly not long-term (even though for a while we were hopeful that the situation would magically improve). four years of water shortages, electricity shortages, fearing for our personal safety, followed by the last two and a half years of trying to leave to the only place we've really felt made sense for us. having planned to arrive here last september, even mr smear struggled with half a year knowing that we weren't where we should be.

it's been rough.

but now we're here, and slowly but surely we've been breaking through each wall until we're finally home. we finally have three of us living in a country we have the right to be in, where we have community and family and safety nets, where have a sense of permanence. this is where we are, this is where we'll be, and for the first time in forever there's nothing looming over our heads, no threats of deportation and no need to accept mistreatment or abuse from anyone in authority.

work

yesterday was relatively successful, but i'm fully aware that i'm being judged on this project and that i need to impress. on a deadline, slow and steady does not win this race.

mr smear

i'm trying to teach my boy not to invest care / attention / emotions on people he doesn't like. gd went to pick him up yesterday and she witnessed his bully harassing him non-stop. the parent of one of his friends was there, too, and she informed gd that until mr smear joined the class her daughter had been the target of this malicious little shit. at one point gd confronted him in hebrew - she yelled "enough!" and stared him down. it wasn't enough, but soon after the teacher caught on to what was happening and made this kid cry.

and nobody cared.

it's REALLY hard to get these concepts across to an almost-seven year old. now we're off to a birthday pool to see how successful we've been. at least we'll both be there too.