celebrating gratitude

it's hard to feel relief over the very real terror of having your son almost drown without you even noticing. the details are irrelevant, but a bunch of outlying circumstances led to a moment that shouldn't have happened, *couldn't* have happened, and did. if it wasn't for our crazy neighbour who just happened to be in the pool at the time... we might have lost him.

our lives have not been easy, but fairly often i encounter moments that make me understand that i'm living on a timeline that is infinitely better than an immeasurable number of its dark alternatives. it's tough being grateful when caught in a maelstrom, but here we are. 

all we can ever do is continue trying to do better, and make things better.

...

the morning was nice, pancakes and pirates of the caribbean, a really nice and uneventful hour or so at the pool, making some progress with my online store, a good start to a playdate that then transformed into the aforementioned nightmare moment followed by a very stressful repeat of what's become this past week's standard fare of crying and screaming, followed by a long chat with our neighbour when we went over to thank him.

after weeks of waiting mr smear finally got to light the chanukah candles, then passed out on our way to dinner at balducci's and only woke up when we left, eventually deciding he was hungry only after brushing his teeth. and then... oblivion for everyone.

until around half an hour ago when gd and i woke up panicking about what happened.