the storm - part i

holy shit, it was the calm before the storm. the end of the work week got progressively worse, culminating in my walking into a private meeting with megaman on friday afternoon - with my phone set to record - wherein he verbally abused me for most of half an hour in spite of his realizing halfway through that i'd been right all along. something he said during the meeting about the cto's attitude towards me changing, whether true or not, made me realize that his reports to them count in spite of their history with me and if i allow him to continue my professional reputation will be jeopardized.

i'm not certain how much it really matters to my next potential employer, but i do know how much it matters to me. and on a more immediate note, fighting with my boss is not at all pleasant* and perpetually being charged with "damned if you do, damned if you don't" tasks makes me feel like i'm trapped in a padded cell.

* even if causing him to drop his facade in front of others was just a teensy bit satisfying

i spent most of friday and the beginning and end of saturday so upset and unable to collect my thoughts that i was on the verge of an anxiety attack. i woke up at 4am angry and worried and with the taste of bile in my throat.

my mum helped me gain a little perspective, and i've prepared myself for resignation. i think and i hope that i'm doing this the right way, i'll do my best to remain professional. i feel like it's time for full-time french and some personal projects.

---thursday:

i tried to wake up at 1.30am to speak to the mortgage bank but as i stood next to my computer i felt like the world was dropping out from beneath me. i hurriedly returned to bed and tried and failed a couple more times before eventually getting it together at around 3am. it felt like a live nightmare followed by a call to the mortgage bank that made me hate them more than i thought possible. of course, i was unable to get back to sleep after that.

i've mentioned that creepy grin cheshire cat lady uses, there was something unnerving about watching megaman turn an exact copy of that grin back on her during the morning meeting. it's not clear if she realized what he was doing.

a summary of my interactions with megaman on thursday:

(him) "prioritize these tasks."
"no, you."
"i insist."
"okay, we should begin with this one..."
"no, you definitely shouldn't do that."
"how about you prioritize?"

---because hating my mortgage bank wasn't enough for the day's list, the vending machine supplier decided to remove our favourite cookies. i discovered this when one of the developers asked me for coins for the machine, and we were both horrified when we saw that the delicious, vegan-friendly "cookie club" cookies had been replaced by "cookie star" crap. it was a travesty!

i called up the suppliers, who explained that while they cannot guarantee that the desired cookies would be returned they were also not at liberty to disclose where those cookies were sourced. the nerve! so i hunted the supplier down myself, got in touch with them and found that they're happy to deliver to our office at half the price per cookie.

screw you, vending machine people. screw you.

---we work in cubicles, and sound travels well throughout the office. creeper told me he'd had trouble finding vegan food the night before.
"the reason i'm trying not to eat meat or dairy is because my wife and kids are away this weekend, so i'll be trying dmt."

my brain froze.
"you know what dmt is?"
"the drug?" i asked hesitantly.
"yeah! i mean, it's a long weekend so i figure i might as well enjoy a good trip!"

holy crap (O_o)

---the it guy seems to have sensed that his theft might have consequences and seems to think i'm a good confidant. he's apparently interviewing for other jobs now because "interviewing when you have a job is like walking into a club alone when you have a girlfriend."

i wish that didn't apply to my own situation so well.

...

our sister company provides a service that they've left entirely unprotected and open to the internet. when i sent a mail describing the authentication requirements we have their star it guy responded by calling the open access a "feature" :S

---i was a little tired when i left for class. i made it in time for jiu-jitsu and there were only two of us so it was basically a private lesson. the instructor asked if we felt ready to grade, we didn't have anything to lose so we both gave it a shot. the other guy really wasn't ready, but me? i was awesome! i got through the tough "everyone always fails on these ones" moves easily, and was almost done when he asked me to do a chest-to-chest sweep.

the chest-to-chest sweep is the first one you learn, it's the most basic. and i failed. i launched my body up to do it, and for the first time since my first class i froze and didn't know how to proceed :(

anyway, the monster who was with me was oddly shy but happy to let me do as many exercises as i wanted so i got really good practice. odder than him being shy was him deciding that he was done fifteen minutes early. that was strange, but let me catch the second half of the advanced kickboxing class. it was one heck of a warm-up for the beginner's class, and i learned a lot (especially how to kick: upgrade!) even though i was completely broken by the end.

the girl who kind of invited me out the other day? totally ignored me. weird!

as happens every now and again, i had no appetite. i chugged a protein shake and went to bed early.

---as i climbed into bed i discovered the codex seraphinianus. i don't even know how to begin processing something so magnificent! so i've pre-ordered a copy for myself :)

---friday:

i woke up exhausted but otherwise feeling good, in serious need of a massage. good thing is was feel-good friday :P

first success of the day? i've been wearing my awesome orange troop jacket home from training and it smelled of sweat; i decided to rinse it and hope that wouldn't do any damage. it didn't, it dried quickly and it smells fine. superb!

first fail of the day? noticing that my septum is swollen. now i'm worried about nasal polyps. gods, i hope i don't have those.

i wonder if my subconscious knew how badly the day would go when it decided to play linkin park - in the end's chorus over and over during the morning meeting. or how cheeky it was being when it brought out becker saying "anger... ooh, go with that" as i pissed off megaman the first time.

i'm convinced that he's dishonest because he's incompetent.

---nin - hesitation marks is growing on me. bnw and her husband told me that hearing songs from it at the concert had changed their minds, and now that i've given it another chance i'm finding myself likening it to pretty hate machine. satellite feels good.

great friday night boxing training, not-so-great sparring but with the guy who'd previously upset me but at least it was a considerable improvement over that last time. i'd left the day behind for an hour or two, but afterwards i was so focused on the shit at work that i went shopping instead of heading straight to vfmp :$

i was a little late, but there was plenty of vegan feast left and we followed it with about five hours of thunderstone and way too many freshly-baked cookies.

---saturday:

i slept decently in spite of thinking about work before and after. i had a good smoothie breakfast, chatted with my mom and then headed to old montreal for the day.

[continued...]