a bit of a blur

yesterday morning began brilliantly - right until my TL made a comment about the hour that i'd arrived. we had a rather loud fight, and when i just couldn't take it any more i stormed out, unabashedly yelling that there's something very wrong with him.

not quite my best behaviour. not quite the best way to keep a good mood going.

about half an hour later he came into my office with a list, calling me to a private meeting.
"oh, crap," i thought, "here we go."

it was a long meeting, and an unpleasant one filled with angry shouting (mostly from me) and accusations flying back and forth. the whole thing began when i told him that i find his counting the hours pathetic; he explained that i'm the only person whose hours he counts. aside from that not being true, and us repeating the same arguments over and over regarding the incidents that caused him to start taking specific note of mine, i think i finally managed to get across the insanity that's been my service since the tail end of 2008.

he got the point eventually, and agreed to let my times slide; he seems to understand that my mere presence in the unit since february is over and above "doing my bit" and "being fair"; rehashing some of the things i went through actually caused me to tear up.

the next while is going to be tough.

at least i felt a bit better going out, and lunch, while dry, was alright.

the afternoon saw me handing in my *fourth* early-release request, and running errands for a couple of others in the section. afterwards, one of the technicians arrived and burned the disc i'd tried to on monday, and i took a nap that had me waking up with the shakes again. i decided that i need to see a doctor - maybe the time for an orthopedist's attention has come.

i got home, tired but wired, and began doing something that put me in a *very* good place: planning my travels for the end of the year. my mom called me and we put our heads together, and by the end of the conversation we had a very solid idea. i sent an email to the english department's secretary to begin the registration process, and another to my cousin (and travel agent) with the outline.

i followed up the email with a phone call, and was snatched away from the aforementioned good place like christmas in the grinch's paws. aside from her daughter struggling with the army (and self control, she almost got imprisoned for verbally abusing her CO a few weeks ago), she's developed a grotesquely bleak view of her life and her sense of self-worth is completely askew.

i tried to talk her into being a bit kinder to herself, but i don't know how one does that...

that's why i was a bit down when i got to the farewell party. i was also really tired, so drinking a lot wasn't such a brilliant idea - except that the entire night was about cocktails and munchies and interesting conversations. i was blown away to discover that most of my opinions are more widely shared than i thought, and i now know someone who's been studying to be a personal coach, and learning the same stuff i've been spouting for the last while.

how does it all fall into place like this?! as i said to dp - it's not that i thought i was alone, just disconnected and feeling lonely. it's such an amazing breath of fresh air to be surrounded by bright, interesting, happy and friendly people ^_^

it was a bummer to have to leave so early... i'd been seeing double for a while when rev opened up the rum, and i wasn't going to say no to the rum. i left shortly afterwards, making the rounds to say goodbye and only being a bit wobbly on my walk home. i was falling over - i don't know how i managed to shower, even - and it was only in the morning that i realized that there were a couple of people i'd missed on my way out; i found this terribly embarrassing.

also, i woke up feeling just as out-of-sorts (read: drunk) as when i'd gone to sleep... the alternative ride was leaving too late for me, so i had to drag myself out earlier than anticipated, dress and gingerly make my way to the bus. i was feeling horrid, and the whole way to my office my head was spinning and i was constantly wondering when i was going to throw up or pass out.

my SC had prepared the required form for the base psychologist, and asked me to give him a quick heads up. now that i've had a couple of opportunities to verbalize my situation (not the least of which being yesterday's fight with my TL), i gave him a quick summary and he seems to understand as well.

then i had to ask after my fourth request:
"the big chief won't sign it. he's already signed three of them."

*sigh*

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on monday, the new head of network security came into my office, preceded by the sound of him being a cheeky bastard with his nco's. he waltzed in like he owned the place, talking to me as if we're friends and holding his hand out to shake mine. i should've left him hanging, but even though i took his hand i made my attitude towards him extremely clear. i was a bit brutal, actually, and he didn't hang around to test my temper. i don't like weasels, and this one smells like spoiled brat and arrogant abuse of authority.

this morning, i had to get him to authorize something of mine, and he wasn't even embarrassed when i let him know how pointless his policies are. at least he was quickly compliant. i think my general lack of patience is beginning to shine through.

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the food was almost decent today, and the conversation was interesting. it was hot, though, and afternoon was tough.

it took a couple of hours to get hold of my unit commander, who called the boss up to explain. i hope he's succeeded. on his way out of the office, he stopped to ask me if i was familiar with sisyphus. i recounted the terry pratchett version, with the imp reading him the rules each and every time... and the message was received loud and clear.

i crashed for about half an hour, and returned to finish up what i thought was going to be a big addition to my project - not more than a couple of hours, and looking good. i fail to understand why c# doesn't have a QueryBox like vb's MsgBox query - it didn't take much for me to implement one...

i came home with the alternative ride, and all was fine until idiot girl climbed into me about my attitude towards seeing live performances. it's not that she's such a moron that bothers me, it's that she feels compelled to demonstrate it so loudly and offensively.

i discovered, to my dismay, that the cupboard shelf i found yesterday doesn't fit... i've been online since i've been home, fine-tuning my travel plans, getting in touch with SxS online for the first time in ages, and listening to great trance. now to hang out the washing and go say goodbye to the dutch folk.